To go with my partner or go it alone???

[Mikesmith13]

Hi I've got a bit of a dilemma, mostly in my head I think but still a dilemma all the same. I have wanted to do the Camino for a few years now but things have gotten in the way a bit. Now I have been with a girl for a while and she wants to come with me but my problem is I've always envisioned doing the Camino by myself, well at least the first time. My question is, what would you do in my situation? And for those who have been in my situation, what did you do???

 

[petitewalker]

Hi I've got a bit of a dilemma, mostly in my head I think but still a dilemma all the same. I have wanted to do the camino for a few years now but things have gotten in the way a bit. Now I have been with a girl for a while and she wants to come with me but my problem is I've always envisioned doing the camino by myself, well at least the first time. My question is, what would you do in my situation? And for those who have been in my situation, what did you do???

Remember.....this is your Camino! If you have envisioned yourself doing the Camino alone, I personally think you should. Perhaps in a year or two if you and your girlfriend are still together, you can walk a different route with her. You will most likely have a very different experience if she accompanies you than the one that you have been envioning. Not necessarily bad, but different. I vote with going it alone.
BTW, I am walking the Camino with my husband in 44 days, and we will celebrate our 38th along "The Way". However, for my 60th birthday, I took a 3 week trip to the Azores without him as something I wanted to do myself and I'm glad I did.

 

[Gesha]

I enjoyed my first Camino by myself as I was able to make all decisions without worrying about anyone else's state of mind or body. It also gave me the opportunity to talk to more people. I did meet Richard who started out by himself but them met up with his partner in Leon and I believe they completed the rest of the walk together. Good luck with your decision; I'm sure you've already made it as you have identified how you feel.

 

[gmonkey]

There are a lot of things to take into consideration: has she already heard of the Camino and has thought of doing it herself already? Or does she just want to to do it because you're doing it? Does she like to even walk? But the fact that you've already expressed hesitation and have even taken to posting on a forum about it kind of tells how you feel about her coming along.

Though I have yet to go on my first Camino (September here I come!), I have had a friend horn in on travel plans I made for myself. I didn't say no even though my gut was screaming that I should have--and subsequently she made my trip miserable. Go with your instincts.

The best you can do is be honest and explain to her this is something you've always envisioned doing solo, and that maybe you two can do something else special together.

If she's cool, she'll understand this has been a dream of yours for a long time and that it's important to you. If not, then that says more about her.

 

[Daxzentzu]

I too have been working through a dilemma such as this.

The outcome is that my first pilgrimage will be solo.

The key to this decision was my realisation of a fear that it would be too much for me to make a million steps (walking 500 miles) unless I was totally focussed on the pilgrimage and to be able to absorb all the lessons of the camino without distraction.

My concern was simple - did I have the confidence in my own ability, physically and spiritually to do all that and maybe for my companion, who I would wish to support if the need arose.

I was found to be wanting.

And I have grappled with the flip side of this too - what if I became the person needing the support and I couldn't wear the responsibility of that.

Solo is the right option for my first time!

The Way will educate me, I trust!

Dax

Here is an insight from last year when I was going through the same dilemma as you are now.
For me, it took a lot of discussion and explanations for my loved ones to understand "why I just had to do this solo".
It was not easy, at times I nearly "gave in" - my relationship with my wife (40 years married) suffered because she could not understand why I would exclude her - it wasn't like that.
But now she absolutely "gets it" and is very supportive.
In the end - my insight, what I am saying here is worthless - just hot air
It's your decision - it's your camino.


Dax
In Pune, (a work in progress)

 

[Don Hoff]

I will be doing this Camino with a close friend, while our wives are doing their
Pilgrimage in Portugal. Between the two couples we will celebrate 94 years of marriage. We and our wives know that as pillars of the temple need to stand apart to be stronger, we do most things together.
My friend and I agree that we will give each other space, and silence from time to time . It is reality that we engage others when we are making our Camino on our own, and not joined at the hip with our boyfriend, girlfriend.
I think your motivation to do it alone was an impulse to your soul. The desire of your girlfriend to do it is fine, but it might be a tag-along, and distracting for your first, let her do it at another time on her own, or when you return.
I say.....Go, let your feet take you to follow the call. If she is sensitive, she'll understand and respect you all the more for it.

 

[petitewalker]

There are a lot of things to take into consideration: has she already heard of the Camino and has thought of doing it herself already? Or does she just want to to do it because you're doing it? Does she like to even walk? But the fact that you've already expressed hesitation and have even taken to posting on a forum about it kind of tells how you feel about her coming along.

Though I have yet to go on my first Camino (September here I come!), I have had a friend horn in on travel plans I made for myself. I didn't say no even though my gut was screaming that I should have--and subsequently she made my trip miserable. Go with your instincts.

The best you can do is be honest and explain to her this is something you've always envisioned doing solo, and that maybe you two can do something else special together.

If she's cool, she'll understand this has been a dream of yours for a long time and that it's important to you. If not, then that says more about her.

Sorry to change the subject, but gmonkey I don't see you on our Sept. forum page. When are you leaving?

 

[gmonkey]

Sorry to change the subject, but gmonkey I don't see you on our Sept. forum page. When are you leaving?

I just added my departure date on the Sept page!

 

[Kanga]

Hi I've got a bit of a dilemma, mostly in my head I think but still a dilemma all the same. I have wanted to do the Camino for a few years now but things have gotten in the way a bit. Now I have been with a girl for a while and she wants to come with me but my problem is I've always envisioned doing the Camino by myself, well at least the first time. My question is, what would you do in my situation? And for those who have been in my situation, what did you do???

Mike, I've walked with my husband and without. Both good and very different.

If you go with someone you assume some responsibility for that person and they for you. Do you want that? It also means that decisions must be negotiated - or at least they should be, and even that can become contentious. There is someone to share the good outcomes, which can be great, but also someone to blame for all the ills that are par for the course. When you are by yourself you make the decisions, no consultation, and you are responsible for the consequences. It is common sense really but takes on intensity on the Camino, with the physical and mental testing it involves.

The good side of having a companion is the wonderful shared experiences and the deeper understanding of each other.

There are other considerations that I think are of lesser importance in making the decision, but may be useful to think about. Your walking speed and endurance will vary (not a big issue IMO - you can always meet up at the next bar). You may want solitude and meditation time (again not a big issue - it tends to happen anyway, see previous point). Generally a shared private room will cost very little more than 2 places in a private albergue. Pack weight can be less as you can share the soap, toothpaste, sunburn cream. One person can do the washing while the other cooks a meal. If something goes wrong, injury or illness, help is on tap.

I'm inclined to agree you should go with your gut instinct but it's tricky if that threatens the relationship. Compromises are possible; I nearly always used to walk part of my Caminos with my husband, and part alone, as he could not take as much time away from work. It worked well for us.

 

[xin loi]

Last year I purposely went alone to Bolivia to ride a bike down the Road of Death and was glad to do it alone. Went with my Novia on the Camino in May/June this year and should have walked alone. We walk at very different speeds and I always had to wait for her to catch up. Could not arrange to just meet her somewhere along the road as she has no sense of direction, e.g. she actually got lost inside of the Burgos Cathedral and took forever to find her way out and join me outside to continue our walk. If I ever do something in the future that is so evil that I must walk the Camino a second time, I believe I will walk alone. And by the way, on our practice hikes at home my novia was always able to walk along side of me----just not the same as walking day after day after day after day.

And for those who don't walk alone, you still must pay for two persons if you share one bed of a set of bunk beds. Walked with a young couple who always shared one bed in every albergue.

 

[Kiwi-family]

Would your girlfriend consider each of you doing a different path and meeting at Santiago? Then you could always walk out to Muxia and Fisterra together if you wanted to.

 

[another walker]

Hi I've got a bit of a dilemma, mostly in my head I think but still a dilemma all the same. I have wanted to do the camino for a few years now but things have gotten in the way a bit. Now I have been with a girl for a while and she wants to come with me but my problem is I've always envisioned doing the camino by myself, well at least the first time. My question is, what would you do in my situation? And for those who have been in my situation, what did you do???

Do you love this woman ? Do you think you might meet someone better on the camino. Real love is a commitment more than a feeling. Now you choose for yourself, you look old enough to do so.

 

[nellpilgrim]

Perhaps she could come and meet you at the end of your journey and you could both have a lovely break in SDC and/or on the coast (Galicia is so very beautiful). At the end of my first long distance Camino my husband was waiting for me in SDC but we didn't meet up until after I'd walked into the square, paid my respects to Santiago and got my Compostela. Even though he attended the pilgrims mass with me Stephen chose to sit apart letting me connect and sit with other pilgrims friends I'd met along the way. We had a really lovely celebratory time together in SDC afterwards and, as he'd been in the city for a couple of days (my arrival date was a little loose), he then became my 'expert guide' to that wonderful city…….. and all it's culinary delights.
We're keeping up that tradition as I walk from Nurnberg to SDC in sections. Stephen meets up with me (even if only for a day or so) at the end of each leg of the journey. Because of the shorter distances and my now carefully honed experience of just how slow I can actually go I can generally predict where I'll end up (within 10/20km) It's really lovely to see that big smiley face waiting for me at the end of the last day (especially when my end point is a little village or crossroads and I haven't even seen another pilgrim for two weeks.) I know he's delighted to have some time to potter around on his own exploring a region checking out and focusing on what interests him before we meet up for our shared break. He always has quite different experiences and insights on the areas I've walked through and it's good to get that wider perspective as, especially if it's been very wet/snowy and windy, I can occasionally suffer from 'Pilgrim Tunnel Syndrome' (head down trudgerama of muddy feet, poles and track).

 

[Mikesmith13]

There are a lot of things to take into consideration: has she already heard of the Camino and has thought of doing it herself already? Or does she just want to to do it because you're doing it? Does she like to even walk? But the fact that you've already expressed hesitation and have even taken to posting on a forum about it kind of tells how you feel about her coming along.

Though I have yet to go on my first Camino (September here I come!), I have had a friend horn in on travel plans I made for myself. I didn't say no even though my gut was screaming that I should have--and subsequently she made my trip miserable. Go with your instincts.

The best you can do is be honest and explain to her this is something you've always envisioned doing solo, and that maybe you two can do something else special together.

If she's cool, she'll understand this has been a dream of yours for a long time and that it's important to you. If not, then that says more about her.

No she never heard of the camino before we got together though she back packed around europe for a few years.

 

[Mikesmith13]

Thank you everyone for your comments, I guess I already had my mind made up a long time ago like some of you have said. I just want to be making my own decisions out there without having to worry if my decision is someone else's. She has backpacked around europe for a few years and I haven't been out of australia yet and I feel I need to do this alone. It's the way I've always seen it. I just don't want to upset her by saying I want to do it alone......to whoever it was who asked me if I wanted to meet another girl on the camino, it's definitely not about that at all, that thought never even entered my mind, I'm quite happy with the girl I got :/

 

[nidarosa]

I think we can all identify with your desire to walk the Camino, that's a given, and most of us also understand the need to walk it on your own. But what is her motivation? Does she want to do the walk to the extent that if you couldn't go she would still do it on her own? Does she just want to be with you, share this experience with you, does she have a jealous streak? I am thinking that if you have second thoughts about going with her, that would put a huge strain on the relationship before and during the walk, and depending on how she reacts to the conversation you two are going to have to have, you might even feel guilty or not be able to look forward to this journey the way you would.
Like so many others have said: It's your Camino. Try to think of it as a separate entity. What does it want? What is it like? What are you looking for? Solitude, freedom, introspection, playing it by ear, being away from your normal life, no responsibility, no one else to take into account, no compromises? Then go on your own. If she is the right girl for you she will understand as long as you explain - and you just did!

 

[Deleted member 3000]

I have wanted to do the camino for a few years now but things have gotten in the way a bit. Now I have been with a girl for a while and she wants to come with me

When she feels left behind, what then? I guess you HAVE made up your mind.

 

[Mikesmith13]

When she feels left behind, what then? I guess you HAVE made up your mind.

Well I hope she doesn't take it that way considering she is going to Bali in October without me and I'm completely fine with that

 

[mikevasey]

I walked with my gf on a a 8 day section on a 60+ days Camino. We were both a bit nervous about it, took it very easy so she could walk herself in and actually enjoyed going slower than normal. And also reaching out and holding hands as we walked out of Leon which felt quite nice. By the end of the 8 days she was moving it and had me thinking she could outwalk me no problem.
I have had many plans for all my Camino's and wanted them to go the way I envisioned but they usually get shot down somewhere along the line, it always turns out for the best. If you walk with her see it as a opportunity for something new and unexpected.

 

[Dutch]

I started out exactly the opposite from you. When i first thought of it, i wanted to walk it with my girlfriend and if possible, with our daughter. Then my lovely annoying teen asked me if i was mental and my girlfriend also wasnt very enthousiastic hahaha, so it took me a while to consider going at it alone.
I am glad i did. It was wonderfull. I enjoyed every minute of it. Not being away from home or my family, that wasn't new to me. We travel alot for work and also alot seperately. I've also backpacked alot alone, for fun, but even now i sometimes try to explain the camino to someone or compare it to something, but i can't. It doesnt do it justice.

Decide what feels good for you. Initially i would say, go with your gut feeling.
If you do decide to walk together, make sure that you and your girlfriend are on the same page about certain, important, things.
For instance, do you have to walk the same pace or can you walk seperately and just meet up in the next town?
Do you want to take it day by day, km by km and does she want to plan ahead? Or maybe you do?

Seeing as the camino was your thought, your idea, make sure you feel alright with it, if walking together with your girlfriend means that your going to have a totally different experience than you would have thought up front.

 

[Tia Valeria]

Perhaps read the Walking with a companion thead together, talk about your individual needs/aspirations/being the one going/being left behind - then see what feels right for you both.

 

[omi1]

My husband has encouraged to do my camino alone. Our walking pace is different and he gets bored looking round churches and is a bit of a clean freak so probably wouldn't cope with alburgues. However if your girlfriend is interested, she might feel a bit left out. For that reason I really like Kiwi family's suggestion of walking different paths, then meeting in Santiago to walk on to Finnisterre together: a great compromise!

 

[petitewalker]

I enjoyed my first Camino by myself as I was able to make all decisions without worrying about anyone else's state of mind or body. It also gave me the opportunity to talk to more people. I did meet Richard who started out by himself but them met up with his partner in Leon and I believe they completed the rest of the walk together. Good luck with your decision; I'm sure you've already made it as you have identified how you feel.

"who's Richard?

 

[cher99840]

Mike, I think you've made your decision and I think it is the right one. You obviously have a very independent lady in your life (backpacking around Europe, Bali on her own this fall). My experience has been that independent people have greater respect for equally independent people, so even if your decision causes a small wrinkle in your relationship, I suspect that long term, if it's meant to be, your relationship will benefit.

 

[indyinmaine]

Many of us on the Forum say the same things only using different words. The ONLY issue here is why you wish to walk the Camino. If your girl friend fits into that "why", then there's no decision. The fact that you've asked the question in the first place leads me to think that she might not. If that becomes an issue for her then you may have two reasons to walk. alone.

 

[Cathy Mahoney]

Sorry to change the subject, but gmonkey I don't see you on our Sept. forum page. When are you leaving?

How do I access this page please I leave SJPD Sept 11 and would like to see if others have the same starting time
Cheers

 

[petitewalker]

How do I access this page please I leave SJPD Sept 11 and would like to see if others have the same starting time
Cheers

Cathy, we are listed under september 2014 peregrinos, but if you cant find it in the forum try this
http://www.caminodesantiago.me/community/threads/september-2014-peregrinos.24717/page-6#post-230402

 

[Maya2]

Since you have planned to walk alone, I vote you do so. I travel alone a lot and while traveling with your partner can be terrific, you don't have to do everything together. A strong relationship can be sustained even while doing things separately. It might be good to know if it is mature enough to survive the separation.

 

[Saint Mike II]

Your Camino is your "me time" - however ask him/her to meet you in SDC so you can do a few "us things" - eg take the bus to Finnisterre and see the sunset. Although there will be the issue of "your experiences" that will make you cry/laugh and partner will not understand. Buen Camino

 

[Andy CMcD]

My good lady joined me in Sarria (I had started in SJDPP). It was great to walk that part with her. So good we did that part again a year later. She loved the fact that although I had originally planned to go it alone, I wanted her with me for the end...

 

[AnnieY]

There are a lot of things to take into consideration: has she already heard of the Camino and has thought of doing it herself already? Or does she just want to to do it because you're doing it? Does she like to even walk? But the fact that you've already expressed hesitation and have even taken to posting on a forum about it kind of tells how you feel about her coming along.

Though I have yet to go on my first Camino (September here I come!), I have had a friend horn in on travel plans I made for myself. I didn't say no even though my gut was screaming that I should have--and subsequently she made my trip miserable. Go with your instincts.

The best you can do is be honest and explain to her this is something you've always envisioned doing solo, and that maybe you two can do something else special together.

If she's cool, she'll understand this has been a dream of yours for a long time and that it's important to you. If not, then that says more about her.

I too am going in September and at first I angled one or two friends to come with me, now I am glad I am doing it alone - I realise that it is an opportunity for me to discover my own resilience and not lean on another. I have also taken heart from reading all the various blogs of this that I have made the right decision - good luck with yours

 

[Scott Sweeney]

I would not even consider walking the Camino de Santiago without my partner. Making such an incredible journey in my life was made even more incredible because I shared with the one I love.

 

[Dutch]

But what if you want to walk, need to walk...the camino is "calling" you and your partner doesn't want to, for whatever reason?

Then you forget about it? Or go it alone?

I think this is a question lots of pilgrims have to deal with.

 

[Erman]

Hi I've got a bit of a dilemma, mostly in my head I think but still a dilemma all the same. I have wanted to do the camino for a few years now but things have gotten in the way a bit. Now I have been with a girl for a while and she wants to come with me but my problem is I've always envisioned doing the camino by myself, well at least the first time. My question is, what would you do in my situation? And for those who have been in my situation, what did you do???

-go by yourself.....or go with her.
- why would you even care what strangers on an anonymous web site even think about your decision?
Unless you need this site to "prove" to her you are to go alone then by all means show her the replies.
This is just my opinion, but the fact that you feel the need to ask strangers says more about you and your relationship than you may suspect.

 

[Scott Sweeney]

But that wasn't the scenario posed. This is a mate or partner that wants to go. I know many couples who don't share the same enjoyment from hiking or sleeping in communal situations. Then of course you would be faced with another choice.

 

[Scott Sweeney]

If I was the other partner I would have to wonder why not. Regardless if we begin our Camino our self or with somebody by the time we are done we generally end up walking with the same people day after day.... So is it really our own Camino ?

 

[William Marques]

In addition to the "Walking with a Companion" thread Tia Valeria has already mentioned in FAQs there is also the "Those We Leave Behind" one.
http://www.caminodesantiago.me/community/threads/those-we-leave-behind.12580/

 

[indyinmaine]

If I were younger or used to texting I could say, IMHO(!). This forum is just what it says, "Where past pilgrims share and future pilgrims learn." If I've learned one thing over the last ten months it's that there's a basic disconnect. The reason everyone asks questions BEFORE is that they really don't have the answers, or if they think they do there's comfort in affirmation. In the same fashion AFTER you have walked there's a tendency towards thinking, "Why did I ask that question? or, "Of course, I should have known that." You still might not have the answers but it's clear that you're in a different ballpark.

 

[aname4me]

I walked the Camino with my Wife. We walking every step together for 36 days.

I can't think of a better way to walk the Camino. We both are planning to repeat this next year.

We retired two years prior to our walk, and spent those two Summers living (full time) in a 26 foot Trailer (Caravan). If you can live this close to each other, you can walk the Camino together.

Also, to pull this off, you must both naturally walk at the same speed, and both have the same level of fitness.

On our walk, we often saw a disgruntled Husband standing impatiently, waiting for his Wife (completely exhausted) make it up a hill.

 

[indyinmaine]

My good lady joined me in Sarria (I had started in SJDPP). It was great to walk that part with her. So good we did that part again a year later. She loved the fact that although I had originally planned to go it alone, I wanted her with me for the end...

I did exactly the same thing last year. We walked from Sarria to Santiago together. I walked to from SJPdP to Sarria alone and with whomever happened to be along side that day. They were both wonderful; they were as different as night and day!

 

[Scott Sweeney]

Besides, who's going to take all those cool action pics of you walking?

 

[LesBrass]

Mike - I'm in the opposite situation to you; I'm walking alone but I really wish my husband was coming with me. There are 2 reasons why he can't come... 1) we have a 15 year old son at home and 2) he doesn't want to do the walk.

He's walking with me on my first day, to Orrison and he'll stay the first night... then he's coming to pick me up (with my son in tow) at Santiago (if I get there) 7 weeks later.

I know I wont be lonely but I really wish he was coming too... we've never really spent time apart... but as he has said to me many times... this is my walk.

So, whilst we're in the opposite situation it's kind of the same... it's your walk... do it your way.

p.s. I dont love my husband any less for not coming with me... so I guess the same will be true in reverse for you?

 

[bystander]

LesBrass, I think you need, hastily to edit the fourth to last word in the first sentence!

 

[xin loi]

In May we walked with a guy from New York City who had only reached Burgos when his wife who obviously walked faster had already reached Finisterre. Also met a young woman who said her boyfriend was walking faster and was over 150 kilometers ahead of her. Seems as if someone in both couples was going to have to make a decision on either taking a bus to catch up with the other person or sit and wait somewhere.

 

[LesBrass]

LesBrass, I think you need, hastily to edit the fourth to last word in the first sentence!

 

[bystander]

Gave me a pathetically puerile fit of the giggles when I read it.
Shameful of me!

 

[jpflavin1]

Hi I've got a bit of a dilemma, mostly in my head I think but still a dilemma all the same. I have wanted to do the Camino for a few years now but things have gotten in the way a bit. Now I have been with a girl for a while and she wants to come with me but my problem is I've always envisioned doing the Camino by myself, well at least the first time. My question is, what would you do in my situation? And for those who have been in my situation, what did you do???

Mikesmith13:

I have walked a Camino with someone and without. Walking with someone can present obstacles, such as a different pace, interests, less interaction with others etc. You will also bear some responsibility for that other person and they for you.

That said, I have met couples, married and not, seeming to have wonderful Camino's and sharing this wonderful experience while building a stronger bond together.

I try not to interpret language here because we all have cultural phrases that have different meanings. I suggest you reread your original question and see if your answer is there.

Whatever your decision, I wish you or both of you "Buen Camino".

Ultreya,
Joe

 

[paladycamino]

Hi I've got a bit of a dilemma, mostly in my head I think but still a dilemma all the same. I have wanted to do the Camino for a few years now but things have gotten in the way a bit. Now I have been with a girl for a while and she wants to come with me but my problem is I've always envisioned doing the Camino by myself, well at least the first time. My question is, what would you do in my situation? And for those who have been in my situation, what did you do???

I had the same dilemma. For two years I wanted to do the Camino and then 6 months before I go my daughter decided she wanted to come with me. We just finished our first Camino. We also walked with a boyfriend/girlfriend. There were times I wish I was alone and other times it was nice to have someone to talk to at the end of the day and to have meals with that you know. You will meet many pilgrims along the way and have no problem finding friends if you decide to go alone. Is she is someone who you envision in your life forever? I would not do this with just anyone because it is something that stays with you and changes you. My daughter said she wants to do it two more times and one of those would be with her future husband and if they make it through that together he would be the one LOL. We walked our own Camino's. In part because she is so much younger and walked faster but also I wanted her to have her own experience and Camino. So we would stay at the same places and eat meals together but she did her own thing and so did I. I love that I have this experience with her that I will always cherish. I figure the first Camino is a trial run anyways. I have so many things I will do different the next time. Hope this helps.

 

[paladycamino]

One more thing. My daughter came with me because she was worried I would get hurt. Needless to say I was fine but she got blisters so bad we ended up in a 24/7 clinic and we had to take days off for her to recover not once but a couple times. We did not get to do the Meseta because of her blisters. I was looking forward to biking through the Meseta. So you may be held back or held up by another person. Because it was my daughter her health was more important to me that walking through a desert. A lot of good advice already on this thread I think you will figure it out. One of our friends on the way who was doing it herself only had one time she wished she had someone with her and that was walking into Santiago. But she remedied that by walking in with a friend. She was going to wait for us if she did not have someone else to do it with. Many people do it by themselves. Now that I am home I don't mind I did not get to do exactly what I wanted because I have this bond with my daughter that last a lifetime. Do you want that bond with this person. That is your real question.

 

[GerryDel]

I walked the Camino with my son. It was a great experience. I might go back one day and walk it myself. I think that would be a great experience too.

 

[KentuckyJay]

Hi I've got a bit of a dilemma, mostly in my head I think but still a dilemma all the same. I have wanted to do the Camino for a few years now but things have gotten in the way a bit. Now I have been with a girl for a while and she wants to come with me but my problem is I've always envisioned doing the Camino by myself, well at least the first time. My question is, what would you do in my situation? And for those who have been in my situation, what did you do???

Depends on whether doing it solo is worth losing her. I just completed a solo 205 miles on the Camino. I have also soloed the Appalachian Trail and countless other jaunts. (My wife of 45 years and counting thinks that the outdoors is the space between her car door and the mall door). Count your blessings. I'd love to have a lady to hike with but not instead of the one I have been with for going on 5 decades.

 

[david g]

Going alone means be prepared for mostly "selfie" pictures of you. I was going to go alone, but my son and a friend joined me and I'm really glad they did. When you come home and are in that post-Camino daze, it's so nice to have someone who understands what you're feeling. Not only that, but there are times when that other person can help fill in the blanks of what happened and where. Does that mean we all walked all day/everyday together? Nope. Got to Rabanal and my son kept on going, having hooked up with a group more his own age. I was bummed (til that night when a Brother at the church told me simply "your son is where he needs to be"). We all reconnected a few days later and finished up together in Santiago. But throughout, we walked together, we walked solo, we walked with new friends we made on the way. I think a lot of that worked because we had discussed it before we left home. I'm going again in May with a sister and brother and we need to have a talk beforehand, just to make sure that we all understand what we each expect out of the Camino, as well as each other. Maybe you should sit down and honestly ask yourself "why" you need to do this alone, then ask your girlfriend "why" she needs to be there with you. If she insists on going and you insist she stays home, you're at least going to have a serious issue to mull while walking. Best of luck to you.

 

[Jnlee99]

I went by myself because my wife isn't into long hikes followed by albergues or village hotels; but it also suited me since I like the quietness of solo walking. However, I would have gladly trade the introspective time for my wife's company on Camino.

 

[coochie]

Hi I've got a bit of a dilemma, mostly in my head I think but still a dilemma all the same. I have wanted to do the Camino for a few years now but things have gotten in the way a bit. Now I have been with a girl for a while and she wants to come with me but my problem is I've always envisioned doing the Camino by myself, well at least the first time. My question is, what would you do in my situation? And for those who have been in my situation, what did you do???

I have recently returned from doing the camino on my own and would agree with others...go alone. I'm so pleased that I did.
I had many friends asking if they could join me. I just explained that it was a long held dream to walk it by myself and how important it was to me to experience it solo.
My husband wasn't interested in walking but did meet me in Santiago - perhaps your partner could meet you in Santiago.

 

[xin loi]

Read the book by Jane Christmas--What the Psychic told the Pilgrim--great book on taking 15 strangers with you for a hike on the Camino--

 

[indyinmaine]

Unlike "what do I put in my pack", this is one thread where, in the end, ALL the advice given will be for naught simply because each of our Caminos is an intensely individual experience.

 

[woodswoman]

There are a lot of things to take into consideration: has she already heard of the Camino and has thought of doing it herself already? Or does she just want to to do it because you're doing it? Does she like to even walk? But the fact that you've already expressed hesitation and have even taken to posting on a forum about it kind of tells how you feel about her coming along.

Though I have yet to go on my first Camino (September here I come!), I have had a friend horn in on travel plans I made for myself. I didn't say no even though my gut was screaming that I should have--and subsequently she made my trip miserable. Go with your instincts.

The best you can do is be honest and explain to her this is something you've always envisioned doing solo, and that maybe you two can do something else special together.

If she's cool, she'll understand this has been a dream of yours for a long time and that it's important to you. If not, then that says more about her.

I like this answer very much. I definitely wanted to go alone, though a good friend asked if she could come along. I told her she could certainly walk the Camino, and if she did do that, we would probably see one another here or there, but that my vision was to do the walk by myself. She ended up buying a horse instead, a better choice for her. But I agree with the above. If she is the right person for you, she will understand. If not, well, there you have it. Walking alone was the best experience for me, and as I passed people who were in groups, I was ever more grateful, though I'm sure the pilgrims who CHOSE to be with one or more companions were doing fine.

Good luck.

 

[Mikesmith13]

So I talked about it with my partner and I didn't even really have to explain much she was pretty much all for me doing it alone, she said it's something I need to do so do it, she also said we'd do one together another time, though I think I might do it forwards and backwards by myself and then she will meet me at the start and wr will walk it together I think my camino is going to be amazing, first to walk it alone and experience it for myself then experience it with her straight afterwards is going to be great, tough on my body but great all the same thank you everyone for your input, I showed her all the replies and she was amazing

 

[Tia Valeria]

Terry walked alone the first time and I went to Santiago to meet him. Since then we have walked together. Buen camino Mike (and future Camino to you both)

 

[Don Hoff]

So I talked about it with my partner and I didn't even really have to explain much she was pretty much all for me doing it alone, she said it's something I need to do so do it, she also said we'd do one together another time, though I think I might do it forwards and backwards by myself and then she will meet me at the start and wr will walk it together I think my camino is going to be amazing, first to walk it alone and experience it for myself then experience it with her straight afterwards is going to be great, tough on my body but great all the same thank you everyone for your input, I showed her all the replies and she was amazing

Mike, it sounds like great news. I think you were wise to lift up the question within, share it with others and with your partner. I consider it is a sign of strength to seek the advice of others, knowing the decision is your alone. Not all advice nor opinions are guaranteed to be helpful. Sharing your feelings and the emails with your partner impress me as wise and good communication. Her response was considerate and supportive. I don't think we can expect more than that. Your plan to extend your walk is certainly ambitious. However, looking at your Batman shirt, and knowing a clever disguise , what else should we expect?
!Buen Camino Batman Mike!

 

[Arn]

Mike, Agree with all above. Consider this, rather than just reverse, have her join with you the last 100km so you can both enter Santiago at the same time. The days, or weeks before you meet you can send her a text, or keep a blog for family and friends. This way she, an others, can share your Camino as you walk the Way alone, but still connected.
Buen Camino,

Arn

 

[indyinmaine]

So I talked about it with my partner and I didn't even really have to explain much she was pretty much all for me doing it alone, she said it's something I need to do so do it, she also said we'd do one together another time, though I think I might do it forwards and backwards by myself and then she will meet me at the start and wr will walk it together I think my camino is going to be amazing, first to walk it alone and experience it for myself then experience it with her straight afterwards is going to be great, tough on my body but great all the same thank you everyone for your input, I showed her all the replies and she was amazing

The most important part is that the "decision" was both individual and mutual. You will really have two Caminos. For the most benefit to you both, keep them as separate as possible.

 

[Maya2]

Seems you've chosen a winner. She understands. She has substance. Good for you both.

 

[Scott Sweeney]

Through out this thread I have played it over in my mind........just can't imagine not having shared this, every first breath taking view, every cuckoo bird, every windy day or every glass of evening wine with her. But Mike, buen camino.

 

[petitewalker]

So I talked about it with my partner and I didn't even really have to explain much she was pretty much all for me doing it alone, she said it's something I need to do so do it, she also said we'd do one together another time, though I think I might do it forwards and backwards by myself and then she will meet me at the start and wr will walk it together I think my camino is going to be amazing, first to walk it alone and experience it for myself then experience it with her straight afterwards is going to be great, tough on my body but great all the same thank you everyone for your input, I showed her all the replies and she was amazing

Mike,
While I think you have made the right decision to walk it alone the first time, I would carefully reconsider your plans to walk it backwards and again forwards with her.
Personally, I would do it at a later date. I think you might regret the plans as you have no idea how your body is going to recover and essentially you will be walking it 3 times. How terrible/sad for her if you were so tired and spent, not to enjoy the excitement of it with her. Think about how she is envisioning this Camino together and you may be too tired or injured to continue on or be as excited as her. I think you should rest up and maybe approach it at another time. Seems you have enough time to walk it three times, so I suspect you could fit it in again without waiting a long time. If you do not want to wait, I would take the advise of her meeting up with you in Sarria or somewhere within the alloted distance for the Compostela and walk into Santiago with her.

 

[Don Hoff]

Wise advice from Petitewalker, I could have spoken to that myself, but chose to not to. Walking East in return, sounds macho, and can likely distract from the attention and devotion you could gave for each other.
Remember we are NOW speaking about THIS being HER Camino, and the boots are on the other feet. There is more to this than the obvious of two walking together.
Sounds like without her proper preparation there is a chance that there us greater chance for problems such as Shin Splints, blusters, infections, etc. it is preferable to use your time and energy to take your time and enjoy the journey.
There is an inherent danger that people want to walk to please others, and don't listen to their bodies, and push where they should not and need not.

!Buen Camino to you both!

 

[Mikesmith13]

Petitewalker thank you for your advice, it is much appreciated, maybe I am trying to be too ambitious with essentially wanting to walk 3 times but that's just me I'm a little crazy. I've always pushed myself to do things a little different to most. But in saying that I've got plenty of time to think about this and might do it a different way. Maybe take a break and go see a few things I want to check out in that part of the world (football grounds) and meet her somewhere and then go back. Maybe 3 in a row back to back will wreck me too much to enjoy it with her as much as I should and that would the the last thing I want to do so there is allot to think about. Maybe even do one later on who knows. But either way things will work out just the way they are meant to. I've got a pretty good job with thousands of hours holiday up my sleeve and they allow me to take off whenever needed which hasn't been often until this year lol seem to be doing loads of trips this year

 

[Alf]

It depends of your feelings ....during the Camino you are going to see, for sure, if your partner is the right one!!!
Believe me ....take your partner with you.....what a wonderful opportunity !!!
Buen Camino

 

[Tia Valeria]

Have you thought about meeting in Santiago and then taking the bus to Ferrol, or Lugo, and walking the Inglés or the end of the Primitivo. The latter comes onto the Francés at Palas de Rei from Ferreira (not signed) or at Melide (signed). Both qualify for a Compostela/certificate as being 100kms+.

 

[tpmchugh]

Hi I've got a bit of a dilemma, mostly in my head I think but still a dilemma all the same. I have wanted to do the Camino for a few years now but things have gotten in the way a bit. Now I have been with a girl for a while and she wants to come with me but my problem is I've always envisioned doing the Camino by myself, well at least the first time. My question is, what would you do in my situation? And for those who have been in my situation, what did you do???

I started out with my son, he went home after two weeks, I finished with a guy from the Netherlands who has become a lifelong friend. You may walk on your own but you are never alone. Although I was always with someone at night for dinner, pilgrims from all over the world, I walked most days with just my own company. If your girlfriend wants to go, why stand in her way of doing her own Camino just because you want to be on your own. Agree where you will meet every evening but keep your distance while walking. It worked for me except my companions were usually male. On one day when I felt the need to walk with someone else, I walked with a lovely lady from Leitrim in Ireland. Just go and take each day as it comes, it will work out for you

 

[Luba Klama]

Mike, I've walked with my husband and without. Both good and very different.

If you go with someone you assume some responsibility for that person and they for you. Do you want that? It also means that decisions must be negotiated - or at least they should be, and even that can become contentious. There is someone to share the good outcomes, which can be great, but also someone to blame for all the ills that are par for the course. When you are by yourself you make the decisions, no consultation, and you are responsible for the consequences. It is common sense really but takes on intensity on the Camino, with the physical and mental testing it involves.

The good side of having a companion is the wonderful shared experiences and the deeper understanding of each other.

There are other considerations that I think are of lesser importance in making the decision, but may be useful to think about. Your walking speed and endurance will vary (not a big issue IMO - you can always meet up at the next bar). You may want solitude and meditation time (again not a big issue - it tends to happen anyway, see previous point). Generally a shared private room will cost very little more than 2 places in a private albergue. Pack weight can be less as you can share the soap, toothpaste, sunburn cream. One person can do the washing while the other cooks a meal. If something goes wrong, injury or illness, help is on tap.

I'm inclined to agree you should go with your gut instinct but it's tricky if that threatens the relationship. Compromises are possible; I nearly always used to walk part of my Caminos with my husband, and part alone, as he could not take as much time away from work. It worked well for us.

I'm having the same dilemma. I've decided to walk the Camino alone next year starting at the end of May. This past weekend, I shared this with my good friend, who in fact told me about the Camino years ago. She asked if she can come along as it's been her dream. I didn't say no, but for me it's something I've wanted to do alone for many reasons. I am still conflicted and will need time to sort this out as I can see the benefit to walking with a friend and how difficult it can be as well. Purposely my husband is not joining me on my very first solo adventure as I don't want to lean on him for any decisions, support, and so on. Venting on this forum, as I really am struggling with this one. Gut feeling says go alone, but I don't want to upset a friendship.

 

[peregrina2000]

I'm having the same dilemma. I've decided to walk the Camino alone next year starting at the end of May. This past weekend, I shared this with my good friend, who in fact told me about the Camino years ago. She asked if she can come along as it's been her dream. I didn't say no, but for me it's something I've wanted to do alone for many reasons. I am still conflicted and will need time to sort this out as I can see the benefit to walking with a friend and how difficult it can be as well. Purposely my husband is not joining me on my very first solo adventure as I don't want to lean on him for any decisions, support, and so on. Venting on this forum, as I really am struggling with this one. Gut feeling says go alone, but I don't want to upset a friendship.

Hi, Luba,
I used to have that dilemma more than several times a year, but I seem to have solved it by deciding to walk all the weird out of the way untraveled Caminos that I walk nowadays. Nobody wants to accompany me on those, it seems. For you, it's more delicate. I think that if your gut is telling you that going alone is the way to go, you should stick with your gut. Consider talking with your friend and encouraging her to follow HER dream and walk the Camino as well. Anyone who has done any research or thinking about the Camino has certainly come across this most basic of questions -- do I walk alone or with others? Surely your friend has thought about this, too, but even if she has decided that she prefers to find someone else to walk with, she must know that for many people the dream of the Camino involves walking alone -- not with a beloved spouse, not with a child, not with a friend. You don't want to walk with your husband, but I assume your friend knows that that doesn't mean you don't love your husband. Similarly, not wanting to walk with her doesn't say anything bad about your friendship. I understand this may be a tough discussion to have, but I also think that good friends who know you will understand that it has nothing to do with your feelings about your friendship and is just a part of the whole "Camino calling." Good luck with this, I understand how difficult it is. Buen camino, Laurie

 

[mountaingoat999]

I'm having the same dilemma. I've decided to walk the Camino alone next year starting at the end of May. This past weekend, I shared this with my good friend, who in fact told me about the Camino years ago. She asked if she can come along as it's been her dream. I didn't say no, but for me it's something I've wanted to do alone for many reasons. I am still conflicted and will need time to sort this out as I can see the benefit to walking with a friend and how difficult it can be as well. Purposely my husband is not joining me on my very first solo adventure as I don't want to lean on him for any decisions, support, and so on. Venting on this forum, as I really am struggling with this one. Gut feeling says go alone, but I don't want to upset a friendship.

Luba Klama

its about being honest with yourself.......then being 100% honest with other people. not worrying if you upset there feeling...
so I will be honest with you....reading your post you need this time for you so it appears..this is a opportunity if you can only do this once to take stock of where you are with yourself & if its a religious journey then the guy upstairs .

it is very important in a place like the camino to lick your wounds from your life's journey and take the time to explore who you are now. many people are searching for answers and most of these answers lie within a person......friends can be supportive,so can many others on the camnio if you need them

say what you feel to who you need to say it too......in a txt .letter or face to face.......your struggling with this one about going alone........I say go alone. your friend could also go alone.

trust your gut feeling. your feel better for it after.

 

[Anniesantiago]

I personally enjoy walking alone, though I don't mind having a friend along who is willing to separate for part of the day.
In other words, maybe we walk together, or maybe one of us goes ahead and waits in the next village or at the next sleeping spot.
I tend to want to do "what I want when I want" - if I want to stop, I stop and rest - and I don't really appreciate someone saying, "Oh, let's just go another 3 kilometers and then stop. When I want to stop, I want to stop. I know my body and my limitations.

Also, there are times it's just nice not to talk, but to listen to the wind, to the birds, and BE on the CAMINO without chatter.
I was a social butterfly for many years, but now I'm more of a hermit.
So me, I prefer going it alone most of the time.

I guess the only way I'd walk with someone else is if it was with another experienced Camino pilgrim; someone who was willing to go on ahead if I wanted to stop, or was willing to stop on their own if I wanted to go ahead. Experienced walkers understand that and do it often. But someone who has not walked may be too insecure.

So if you can get "the rules" sorted out before you begin, maybe it would work.

But in the end, I suggest you do what your heart feels is right and what your GUT tells you, as mountaingoat999 said.
If you are feeling you NEED the time alone, then just tell her.
If she's a true friend, she'll understand.
That's my advice.

 

[Saint Mike II]

As some will know I rode my cycle, rather than walking the Frances Camino. About the only time I would have liked to have had someone with me was the last 2 km into Santiago, which I walked due to the number of pilgrims and locals. Standing in front of the Cathedral and asking fellow pilgrims to take the necessary photos was a little difficult. Thankfully fellow cyclists were there to oblige. (I wonder how our OP ended - walking alone or with girlfriend?) Cheers

 

[MTtoCamino]

Luba Klama

I think if you go with another have a discussion before you leave that you both May end up walking alone, That way neither person gets hurt feelings. Just too many issues a person can develope physically