- Time of past OR future Camino
- Frances SJPP to SdC Oct/Nov 2015
Frances Burgos toSdC March/April 2016
W. Highland Way August 2016
Camino Somewhere September 2017
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Thanks so much! Just think...reading your packing guide helped me to prepare Isn't that cool?Well done! More please! SY
Thank you.Well done.See you plan to return,Buen Camino,God speed.
Well done! More please! SY
Very nice.Great music too. I'm looking forward to some more episodes.
Seriously, it was like all the worry was just gone. One of the reasons that I went on pilgrimage was because I had my parents both die in a very short amount of time. I was extremely close to both of them. Mom died in October, 2011. At the end of the month, Dad nearly died, and we went from home to ICU to hospital room to eleven days in a nursing home. On day 11, I took him home and began a seven-month odyssey of hospice care with and for him, which was fraught with stress. His insane girlfriend harassed me constantly, insisting I was "killing " him. It was very, very strenuous, like climbing the Pyrenees front and back for seven months.Beautiful, with stunning photos.
I really enjoyed this.
I could see such a change in your face the morning you left Roncesvalles.
When you left SJPP, you were not as sure of yourself.
Next morning, you looked like, "Yes! I know I can do this!"
I loved it.
CaminoDebrita---I loved your little movie. I will be flying from either Portland or Seattle when I go. Was your route a better way to go, rather than flying into Paris? I'm pretty scared to make that loooong trip. The long walk doesn't bother me a bit!
There is a thread about that in the "most viewed threads" section.CaminoDebrita---I loved your little movie. I will be flying from either Portland or Seattle when I go. Was your route a better way to go, rather than flying into Paris? I'm pretty scared to make that loooong trip. The long walk doesn't bother me a bit!
I started to cry as I read this post. Your story is so similar to mine. My parents died 9 months apart and I cared for my little Momma in my home for 4 months before she died. I have lost two sisters and one was my twin. Depression crept up on me too. I put up a good front for my husband and my family, but I do cry everyday for them. I hope on my Camino, I can begin to think of and remember them without tears. I want to feel the joy of just having had them in my life. I suffer from some survivors guilt because my twins life was so full of pain and sickness. I have been so blessed except for these losses. I have a wonderful husband and 4 adult children, but the loss of most of my original family has been devastating.Seriously, it was like all the worry was just gone. One of the reasons that I went on pilgrimage was because I had my parents both die in a very short amount of time. I was extremely close to both of them. One of the reasons that I went on pilgrimage was because I had my parents both die in a very short amount of time. I was extremely close to both of them.
Having my dad tank physically within just a few weeks of losing my mom was very hard on me. Not sure why this is the case,, but I have found as an older adult that many people make the assumption that since parents are old, it should be easy for mature adults to lose them, as it is the natural way, also, that having a spiritual or religious belief that we will see them again in the afterlife is comforting to the degree that it erases grief after a set period of time.
Unfortunately, this was not the case for me. Having lost a favorite brother as a 19-year-old has meant that I have struggled with issues of lost all of my life. Having to go through my parents separate belongings – – and do all the work related to cleaning up, I caught myself overwhelmed. Depression snuck up on me, and it was so hard. That is when I learned about Camino DeSantiago, while I was in church.
Planning for, and considering a serious religious pilgrimage helped me to deal with my grief, and I frequently cried throughout my Camino, and prayed incessantly.
I know this is way more information than you probably expected to hear back, but I feel tremendously restored. I am grateful and thank God for my recovery.
I will write more to you in a private message, later, when things settle down around here.I started to cry as I read this post. Your story is so similar to mine. My parents died 9 months apart and I cared for my little Momma in my home for 4 months before she died. I have lost two sisters and one was my twin. Depression crept up on me too. I put up a good front for my husband and my family, but I do cry everyday for them. I hope on my Camino, I can begin to think of and remember them without tears. I want to feel the joy of just having had them in my life. I suffer from some survivors guilt because my twins life was so full of pain and sickness. I have been so blessed except for these losses. I have a wonderful husband and 4 adult children, but the loss of most of my original family has been devastating.
Your friendship and many kindnesses--not just to me, but to all on this forum--have been a huge part of my Camino experience and my process in healing. Thank you for all!Beautiful, CaminoDebrita, beautiful.
And your message is to-the-bone truthful, not TMI at all. It totally explains the depth of your experience.
And Joodle...sending all heartfelt wishes your way for a deeply healing camino.
I'm so touched by both your stories....
Losing parents... not sure why this is the case,, but I have found as an older adult that many people make the assumption that since parents are old, it should be easy for mature adults to lose them, as it is the natural way, also, that having a spiritual or religious belief that we will see them again in the afterlife is comforting to the degree that it erases grief after a set period of time.
Thanks so much! Just think...reading your packing guide helped me to prepare Isn't that cool?
I started to cry as I read this post. Your story is so similar to mine. My parents died 9 months apart and I cared for my little Momma in my home for 4 months before she died. I have lost two sisters and one was my twin. Depression crept up on me too. I put up a good front for my husband and my family, but I do cry everyday for them. I hope on my Camino, I can begin to think of and remember them without tears. I want to feel the joy of just having had them in my life. I suffer from some survivors guilt because my twins life was so full of pain and sickness. I have been so blessed except for these losses. I have a wonderful husband and 4 adult children, but the loss of most of my original family has been devastating.
Thank you Jenny. I teared up agin reading your jhcomments. That is such a good idea. I haven't know quite how to honor my departed family members. I feel like I couldn't grieve for my twin, as I was trying so hard to help my elderly parents who had just lost a second daughter. I was trying to be strong for Jan's children because they were now orphans. Delayed grieving catches up to you eventually. I'm going to weep, wail, stomp my feet and pray my way back to joy !Hi Joodle - Your post really touched my heart - thank you for sharing your thoughts about your family. One thing you can do is to formally dedicate your Camino next year to your family. You can begin now by telling family and friends that you are dedicating your Camino to your Mom, Dad and two sisters and that intention will be with you as you train. I did that for months before I walked from Leon-Santiago in 2012 and it gave those months before I took the first step on the Camino such meaning - it was so uplifting. There is a huge leather-bound register - like a guest book - in the Pilgrims Office in Santiago where you can write your dedication - you can write as much as you like. I wrote a message saying I'd dedicated my Camino to my parents for bringing me to life and for all the blessings and care they gave me in my life. It's a wonderful feeling to be able to honour your parents in this way - it really stays with you.
Take joy in every step -
Jenny
"Salt water wells in my eyes" stunning thank you from Oz
wow great video and congratulation..this definitely puts me in the spirit to do another Camino in 2016.
Beautifully done Debra. ¡Gracias! May I ask who sings the song in your video? Buen Camino--always.
Thank you for this, dear girl. I got misty-eyed watching it.
Cheers Joodle - all of us here on the Forum who've lost loved ones know how you feel. You'll find that those magical Camino paths will be your companions as you take each step towards Santiago.Thank you Jenny. I teared up agin reading your jhcomments. That is such a good idea. I haven't know quite how to honor my departed family members. I feel like I couldn't grieve for my twin, as I was trying so hard to help my elderly parents who had just lost a second daughter. I was trying to be strong for Jan's children because they were now orphans. Delayed grieving catches up to you eventually. I'm going to weep, wail, stomp my feet and pray my way back to joy !
Thank you Jenny. I will take a stone for each of my lost loved ones. ( small, since I have so many to carry) I'm hoping to begin living in the present, not sorrowing for the past, or worried about the future. When you lose so many so close together, you get fearful of what's going to sneak up and hit you over the head again. It's so weird that I can say things to people on this forum that I haven't even said to my husband or children. It feels like a safe place with kind and compassionate people. I have tried to protect my loved ones from my sorrow.Cheers Joodle - all of us here on the Forum who've lost loved ones know how you feel. You'll find that those magical Camino paths will be your companions as you take each step towards Santiago.
Another thing you might do (which you are probably already planning) is to take a small pebble for each of your family members from somewhere beautiful locally - a river, a lake etc (no shortage of beautiful places in Washington State - so gorgeous and scenic!) to place on the Cruz de Ferro, just past Rabanal and Foncebadon. It's such a special place - you can feel the spirit of the millions of past pilgrims who've done just as you've done - to think of the love that lies within each pebble at the Cruz - well, the connection is completely wonderful.
Best, best wishes Joodle - Jenny
Thank you Jenny. I will take a stone for each of my lost loved ones. ( small, since I have so many to carry) I'm hoping to begin living in the present, not sorrowing for the past, or worried about the future. When you lose so many so close together, you get fearful of what's going to sneak up and hit you over the head again. It's so weird that I can say things to people on this forum that I haven't even said to my husband or children. It feels like a safe place with kind and compassionate people. I have tried to protect my loved ones from my sorrow.
Beautiful, CaminoDebrita,
It totally explains the depth of your experience.
And Joodle...sending all heartfelt wishes your way for a deeply healing camino.
I'm so touched by both your stories....
I love @KatefromOz"Salt water wells in my eyes" stunning thank you from Oz
Your clip brought back the fondest memories of our time on the Camino in August '15. Thanks. Waiting for the next one!
Hi Joodle - It's wonderful that you will be taking small stones for each of your lost loved ones to the Cruz. There's an old thread, from 2013, started by our beautiful Wayfarer, entitled:
The story of your Stone at the Cruz de Ferro
Discussion in 'Camino Frances' started by wayfarer, Nov 4, 2013.
Tags:
You might like to check it out when you have time. There are such poignant stories on that thread - they will really touch your heart.
This is a really good time of year to begin living in the present - when you think of the joy of the season, the letting go of the old year and the beginning of the bright new year which promises so much for you - your loved ones who've passed would not want you to sorrow any longer and your family would want to see you happy.
You're right about the Forum - there are so many kind and compassionate people with huge pilgrim hearts who contribute so very much to the Forum. There's the occasional, shall we say "cranky" comment that's made too, but that's rare. Stay on the Forum for a while and you'll experience the most amazing connections with like-minded people from across the globe.
Best, best wishes - Jenny
PS - I can't wait for Deb's film at the Cruz - that will be very, very special. Thanks again to Deb for this wonderful thread.
Cheers Deb! I'd love to hear about your epiphany at the Cruz, when you post it, and in the meantime I look forward to enjoying your beautiful films and also to hear the music you choose to accompany the films - the Loreena McKennitt song was so lovely.You are such a sweetheart, Ms. Jenny!
I actually had a very interesting epiphany at the Cruz, but that will come later.
Love---to all.
D
A forum member recommended I change the second video, to slow down captions, so I am re-editing!Cheers Deb! I'd love to hear about your epiphany at the Cruz, when you post it, and in the meantime I look forward to enjoying your beautiful films and also to hear the music you choose to accompany the films - the Loreena McKennitt song was so lovely.
Jenny x
Thank You so much for that David. I am finding healing just from being on this forum. I guess my Camino has already begun.Debrita - I do have to tell you that I really dislike blogs and Camino vids - I am old-fashioned perhaps, or should I say 'traditional'? but to me it seems that if one is doing 'selfies' and uploading them then one isn't 'on' Camino, one is merely an observer .. not a participant, not an experient .... and then I watched your video .. how sweet, how simple, how .. what? honest? - and the music absolutely bonded it ... I thought it rather wonderful - Buen Camino to you!
Although we know with absolute certainty that our loved ones will die it is still a great shock, a shock to the core, when they do go through that door .... rather surprising really as we knew they were going! It became my role to look after mother for some years ... from a slight distance as she had not been the best of mothers, nor the best of people, to say the least - but I was the last man standing so it fell to me and I chose to accept ... the last three years she was in a nursing home, her brain fading away except for some clear moments - and when she went, in natural time, I was utterly surprised by my feelings of shock and grief and loss - as if I was somehow not prepared at all, so, no, the age that we are when they leave us seems to be irrelevant. Then .. there is "carers guilt", the feelings that no end-of-life carer talks about, that we keep hidden deep inside; that we weren't good enough, not kind enough, not patient enough, that we did not give enough time .... but this is normal. For me, well, that five years, as I finally surrendered into it, into a plan that I seemed to be a part of, allowed a number of wounds - all the old wounds - to be healed and I finally blessed the Good God for putting me into the position and role that I deeply resented during the early times - and I found out that All is Well, that all is always well, and that our emotions - however difficult and painful they seem to be and however hard they are to bear - are a gift, a true gift, as they progress us in our climb to full humanity and our learning what true compassion and empathy is - so please do not think of your feelings about the death of your parents as a burden, nor be depressed by them - instead, think of those feelings as a blessing, a true blessing.
At mother's funeral last year my first born son, Joshua, wrote this and spoke it by her coffin - he wrote it for me and I love him even the more deeply for it - I hope that it will help you - and you too Joodle, Bless you - and not just you two but any carer who has watched over the last few months or years until the one watched fell up out of their broken body and gladly into the arms of angels.
I find that it is better if it is read out loud and slowly, slowly .....
"Death & Love or — The Relationship Between Mother & Son, and how in love we live forever
Death is, in many ways, a celebration of life. It is the bookend that curtails our time on this mortal plane, but it is by no means a door closed that we may never look beyond. This short period now is an intermission of sorts, during which the lights come up and we look around and we blink, and we talk openly about that which came before and that which may follow. It is a moment of contemplation and of reflection and also of rejoicing and of jubilation. It is not a moment of outright sadness, just as sure as it is neither a true beginning nor a true end.
When we see someone take death upon themselves, it is our chance to look at everything they were, as if for now, at least, their decisions are made and their actions are set in stone. And most importantly, what death is is a time to take stock of the one thing that transcends what we think of as time and place, and that thing is love — the substance in which we all swim — though oftentimes we realise not that we do, for it is as intangible and profound as the dark matter that holds our stars in sway. It is also as elusive, and equally as perplexing to define; and we convince ourselves that it evades our desperate groping for it, when we so often search with a singular purpose.
We write of love in the pages of whimsy as if it were the just reward only for those who are true of heart — the noble and deserving amongst us. But this is not reality, for love belongs to all, and it is the recognition of love in the unlikely places of the everyday that ennobles every one of us, and to feel it we must first recognise it, and to inspire it in others we must first understand the way in which we transmit it from ourselves.
Death of a loved one reveals many things to us. Most importantly it reveals how we loved this person, and how they loved us in return. Love in this way is traceable, as when the lights are up and our sight is cleared, that we may look both forward and backward with truth and with clarity; it is evident through our past actions how and when we loved and to what degree, and how we were loved in return. Sometimes at this juncture we realise that what we took not for love, and perhaps passed off as mere routine and diligent caring, was in fact love in its truest and it’s deepest form.
These oversights and blithe disregards are easy to make when the trappings of life bully our common sense, but in death we cannot let ourselves for a moment confuse what love for a person really is — it is a commitment to their welfare, even when it means a disregard for one’s own, and it is being present when an awareness of one's presence may in fact be absent, and it is pushing oneself to be the best that one can, for this person, in ways that one has to feel out and painstakingly discover along the way. After all this the feeling of love one receives is merely what echoes back when we throw our entirety into the void that is giving.
Some say that love takes a lifetime to build. I don’t know that this is true, but what I do believe is that at the end of a lifetime it is possible to understand love, or at least what the unique love meant between two people. Everything that was love reveals itself, just as everything that shrouded it’s clarity and purpose drops away. In this moment we can be sure in our heart that love existed and it existed well.
Some also say that when we die we die alone, and that we take nothing of ourselves with us when we depart. I, however, know this not to be true, for if in death love only becomes stronger for those who remain, how can it be that such a tie is broken for those who depart?
If it remains here, then it also remains there, and in this way it is everlasting and it is true and there is no mistaking that it existed and that it will always exist for all the people who knew it."
All is well Debrita, Joodle, Jenny, Viranani, Angie, SeaBird, Kate, Peter, Alwyn, and to all you pilgrims who are still coping with loss, All is Well. Take your stones to the Cruz de Ferro, light your candles along the Way - do not be afraid nor embarrassed to cry, but also, do not be afraid nor embarrassed to laugh and to find Joy.
To you all - Buen Camino.
David xx
Debrita - I do have to tell you that I really dislike blogs and Camino vids - I am old-fashioned perhaps, or should I say 'traditional'? but to me it seems that if one is doing 'selfies' and uploading them then one isn't 'on' Camino, one is merely an observer .. not a participant, not an experient .... and then I watched your video .. how sweet, how simple, how .. what? honest? - and the music absolutely bonded it ... I thought it rather wonderful - Buen Camino to you!
Although we know with absolute certainty that our loved ones will die it is still a great shock, a shock to the core, when they do go through that door .... rather surprising really as we knew they were going! It became my role to look after mother for some years ... from a slight distance as she had not been the best of mothers, nor the best of people, to say the least - but I was the last man standing so it fell to me and I chose to accept ... the last three years she was in a nursing home, her brain fading away except for some clear moments - and when she went, in natural time, I was utterly surprised by my feelings of shock and grief and loss - as if I was somehow not prepared at all, so, no, the age that we are when they leave us seems to be irrelevant. Then .. there is "carers guilt", the feelings that no end-of-life carer talks about, that we keep hidden deep inside; that we weren't good enough, not kind enough, not patient enough, that we did not give enough time .... but this is normal. For me, well, that five years, as I finally surrendered into it, into a plan that I seemed to be a part of, allowed a number of wounds - all the old wounds - to be healed and I finally blessed the Good God for putting me into the position and role that I deeply resented during the early times - and I found out that All is Well, that all is always well, and that our emotions - however difficult and painful they seem to be and however hard they are to bear - are a gift, a true gift, as they progress us in our climb to full humanity and our learning what true compassion and empathy is - so please do not think of your feelings about the death of your parents as a burden, nor be depressed by them - instead, think of those feelings as a blessing, a true blessing.
At mother's funeral last year my first born son, Joshua, wrote this and spoke it by her coffin - he wrote it for me and I love him even the more deeply for it - I hope that it will help you - and you too Joodle, Bless you - and not just you two but any carer who has watched over the last few months or years until the one watched fell up out of their broken body and gladly into the arms of angels.
I find that it is better if it is read out loud and slowly, slowly .....
"Death & Love or — The Relationship Between Mother & Son, and how in love we live forever
Death is, in many ways, a celebration of life. It is the bookend that curtails our time on this mortal plane, but it is by no means a door closed that we may never look beyond. This short period now is an intermission of sorts, during which the lights come up and we look around and we blink, and we talk openly about that which came before and that which may follow. It is a moment of contemplation and of reflection and also of rejoicing and of jubilation. It is not a moment of outright sadness, just as sure as it is neither a true beginning nor a true end.
When we see someone take death upon themselves, it is our chance to look at everything they were, as if for now, at least, their decisions are made and their actions are set in stone. And most importantly, what death is is a time to take stock of the one thing that transcends what we think of as time and place, and that thing is love — the substance in which we all swim — though oftentimes we realise not that we do, for it is as intangible and profound as the dark matter that holds our stars in sway. It is also as elusive, and equally as perplexing to define; and we convince ourselves that it evades our desperate groping for it, when we so often search with a singular purpose.
We write of love in the pages of whimsy as if it were the just reward only for those who are true of heart — the noble and deserving amongst us. But this is not reality, for love belongs to all, and it is the recognition of love in the unlikely places of the everyday that ennobles every one of us, and to feel it we must first recognise it, and to inspire it in others we must first understand the way in which we transmit it from ourselves.
Death of a loved one reveals many things to us. Most importantly it reveals how we loved this person, and how they loved us in return. Love in this way is traceable, as when the lights are up and our sight is cleared, that we may look both forward and backward with truth and with clarity; it is evident through our past actions how and when we loved and to what degree, and how we were loved in return. Sometimes at this juncture we realise that what we took not for love, and perhaps passed off as mere routine and diligent caring, was in fact love in its truest and it’s deepest form.
These oversights and blithe disregards are easy to make when the trappings of life bully our common sense, but in death we cannot let ourselves for a moment confuse what love for a person really is — it is a commitment to their welfare, even when it means a disregard for one’s own, and it is being present when an awareness of one's presence may in fact be absent, and it is pushing oneself to be the best that one can, for this person, in ways that one has to feel out and painstakingly discover along the way. After all this the feeling of love one receives is merely what echoes back when we throw our entirety into the void that is giving.
Some say that love takes a lifetime to build. I don’t know that this is true, but what I do believe is that at the end of a lifetime it is possible to understand love, or at least what the unique love meant between two people. Everything that was love reveals itself, just as everything that shrouded it’s clarity and purpose drops away. In this moment we can be sure in our heart that love existed and that it existed well.
Some also say that when we die we die alone, and that we take nothing of ourselves with us when we depart. I, however, know this not to be true, for if in death love only becomes stronger for those who remain, how can it be that such a tie is broken for those who depart?
If it remains here, then it also remains there, and in this way it is everlasting and it is true and there is no mistaking that it existed and that it will always exist for all the people who knew it."
All is well Debrita, Joodle, Jenny, Viranani, Angie, SeaBird, Kate, Peter, Alwyn, and to all you pilgrims who are still coping with loss, All is Well. Take your stones to the Cruz de Ferro, light your candles along the Way - do not be afraid nor embarrassed to cry, but also, do not be afraid nor embarrassed to laugh and to find Joy.
To you all - Buen Camino.
David xx
I'm the same as David. Blogs by experienced peregrinos/peregrinas about caminos that are less traveled, these are very useful because they actually have information (thank you Laurie, Alan, Kanga, etc)...but many videos turn out to be more about 'Me and My camino,' and I find them uninteresting.Debrita - I do have to tell you that I really dislike blogs and Camino vids - I am old-fashioned perhaps, or should I say 'traditional'? but to me it seems that if one is doing 'selfies' and uploading them then one isn't 'on' Camino, one is merely an observer .. not a participant, not an experient .... and then I watched your video .. how sweet, how simple, how .. what? honest? - and the music absolutely bonded it ... I thought it rather wonderful - Buen Camino to you!
Wow. This post is stunning, David. Thank you...I am also still digesting the depth of it, so merely pressing 'like' is totally inadequate.All is well Debrita, Joodle, Jenny, Viranani, Angie, SeaBird, Kate, Peter, Alwyn, and to all you pilgrims who are still coping with loss, All is Well. Take your stones to the Cruz de Ferro, light your candles along the Way - do not be afraid nor embarrassed to cry, but also, do not be afraid nor embarrassed to laugh and to find Joy.
Yup. Welcome to the Forum Albergue!I guess my Camino has already begun.
Debrita - I do have to tell you that I really dislike blogs and Camino vids - I am old-fashioned perhaps, or should I say 'traditional'? but to me it seems that if one is doing 'selfies' and uploading them then one isn't 'on' Camino, one is merely an observer .. not a participant, not an experient .... and then I watched your video .. how sweet, how simple, how .. what? honest? - and the music absolutely bonded it ... I thought it rather wonderful - Buen Camino to you!
Although we know with absolute certainty that our loved ones will die it is still a great shock, a shock to the core, when they do go through that door .... rather surprising really as we knew they were going! It became my role to look after mother for some years ... from a slight distance as she had not been the best of mothers, nor the best of people, to say the least - but I was the last man standing so it fell to me and I chose to accept ... the last three years she was in a nursing home, her brain fading away except for some clear moments - and when she went, in natural time, I was utterly surprised by my feelings of shock and grief and loss - as if I was somehow not prepared at all, so, no, the age that we are when they leave us seems to be irrelevant. Then .. there is "carers guilt", the feelings that no end-of-life carer talks about, that we keep hidden deep inside; that we weren't good enough, not kind enough, not patient enough, that we did not give enough time .... but this is normal. For me, well, that five years, as I finally surrendered into it, into a plan that I seemed to be a part of, allowed a number of wounds - all the old wounds - to be healed and I finally blessed the Good God for putting me into the position and role that I deeply resented during the early times - and I found out that All is Well, that all is always well, and that our emotions - however difficult and painful they seem to be and however hard they are to bear - are a gift, a true gift, as they progress us in our climb to full humanity and our learning what true compassion and empathy is - so please do not think of your feelings about the death of your parents as a burden, nor be depressed by them - instead, think of those feelings as a blessing, a true blessing.
At mother's funeral last year my first born son, Joshua, wrote this and spoke it by her coffin - he wrote it for me and I love him even the more deeply for it - I hope that it will help you - and you too Joodle, Bless you - and not just you two but any carer who has watched over the last few months or years until the one watched fell up out of their broken body and gladly into the arms of angels.
I find that it is better if it is read out loud and slowly, slowly .....
"Death & Love or — The Relationship Between Mother & Son, and how in love we live forever
Death is, in many ways, a celebration of life. It is the bookend that curtails our time on this mortal plane, but it is by no means a door closed that we may never look beyond. This short period now is an intermission of sorts, during which the lights come up and we look around and we blink, and we talk openly about that which came before and that which may follow. It is a moment of contemplation and of reflection and also of rejoicing and of jubilation. It is not a moment of outright sadness, just as sure as it is neither a true beginning nor a true end.
When we see someone take death upon themselves, it is our chance to look at everything they were, as if for now, at least, their decisions are made and their actions are set in stone. And most importantly, what death is is a time to take stock of the one thing that transcends what we think of as time and place, and that thing is love — the substance in which we all swim — though oftentimes we realise not that we do, for it is as intangible and profound as the dark matter that holds our stars in sway. It is also as elusive, and equally as perplexing to define; and we convince ourselves that it evades our desperate groping for it, when we so often search with a singular purpose.
We write of love in the pages of whimsy as if it were the just reward only for those who are true of heart — the noble and deserving amongst us. But this is not reality, for love belongs to all, and it is the recognition of love in the unlikely places of the everyday that ennobles every one of us, and to feel it we must first recognise it, and to inspire it in others we must first understand the way in which we transmit it from ourselves.
Death of a loved one reveals many things to us. Most importantly it reveals how we loved this person, and how they loved us in return. Love in this way is traceable, as when the lights are up and our sight is cleared, that we may look both forward and backward with truth and with clarity; it is evident through our past actions how and when we loved and to what degree, and how we were loved in return. Sometimes at this juncture we realise that what we took not for love, and perhaps passed off as mere routine and diligent caring, was in fact love in its truest and it’s deepest form.
These oversights and blithe disregards are easy to make when the trappings of life bully our common sense, but in death we cannot let ourselves for a moment confuse what love for a person really is — it is a commitment to their welfare, even when it means a disregard for one’s own, and it is being present when an awareness of one's presence may in fact be absent, and it is pushing oneself to be the best that one can, for this person, in ways that one has to feel out and painstakingly discover along the way. After all this the feeling of love one receives is merely what echoes back when we throw our entirety into the void that is giving.
Some say that love takes a lifetime to build. I don’t know that this is true, but what I do believe is that at the end of a lifetime it is possible to understand love, or at least what the unique love meant between two people. Everything that was love reveals itself, just as everything that shrouded it’s clarity and purpose drops away. In this moment we can be sure in our heart that love existed and that it existed well.
Some also say that when we die we die alone, and that we take nothing of ourselves with us when we depart. I, however, know this not to be true, for if in death love only becomes stronger for those who remain, how can it be that such a tie is broken for those who depart?
If it remains here, then it also remains there, and in this way it is everlasting and it is true and there is no mistaking that it existed and that it will always exist for all the people who knew it."
All is well Debrita, Joodle, Jenny, Viranani, Angie, SeaBird, Kate, Peter, Alwyn, and to all you pilgrims who are still coping with loss, All is Well. Take your stones to the Cruz de Ferro, light your candles along the Way - do not be afraid nor embarrassed to cry, but also, do not be afraid nor embarrassed to laugh and to find Joy.
To you all - Buen Camino.
David xx
Well Done! I really enjoyed watching and learning.
Fantastic to feel myself on the way with you- imaging the first steps successfully.
Debrita - I do have to tell you that I really dislike blogs and Camino vids - I am old-fashioned perhaps, or should I say 'traditional'? but to me it seems that if one is doing 'selfies' and uploading them then one isn't 'on' Camino, one is merely an observer .. not a participant, not an experient .... and then I watched your video .. how sweet, how simple, how .. what? honest? - and the music absolutely bonded it ... I thought it rather wonderful - Buen Camino to you!
Although we know with absolute certainty that our loved ones will die it is still a great shock, a shock to the core, when they do go through that door .... rather surprising really as we knew they were going! It became my role to look after mother for some years ... from a slight distance as she had not been the best of mothers, nor the best of people, to say the least - but I was the last man standing so it fell to me and I chose to accept ... the last three years she was in a nursing home, her brain fading away except for some clear moments - and when she went, in natural time, I was utterly surprised by my feelings of shock and grief and loss - as if I was somehow not prepared at all, so, no, the age that we are when they leave us seems to be irrelevant. Then .. there is "carers guilt", the feelings that no end-of-life carer talks about, that we keep hidden deep inside; that we weren't good enough, not kind enough, not patient enough, that we did not give enough time .... but this is normal. For me, well, that five years, as I finally surrendered into it, into a plan that I seemed to be a part of, allowed a number of wounds - all the old wounds - to be healed and I finally blessed the Good God for putting me into the position and role that I deeply resented during the early times - and I found out that All is Well, that all is always well, and that our emotions - however difficult and painful they seem to be and however hard they are to bear - are a gift, a true gift, as they progress us in our climb to full humanity and our learning what true compassion and empathy is - so please do not think of your feelings about the death of your parents as a burden, nor be depressed by them - instead, think of those feelings as a blessing, a true blessing.
At mother's funeral last year my first born son, Joshua, wrote this and spoke it by her coffin - he wrote it for me and I love him even the more deeply for it - I hope that it will help you - and you too Joodle, Bless you - and not just you two but any carer who has watched over the last few months or years until the one watched fell up out of their broken body and gladly into the arms of angels.
I find that it is better if it is read out loud and slowly, slowly .....
"Death & Love or — The Relationship Between Mother & Son, and how in love we live forever
Death is, in many ways, a celebration of life. It is the bookend that curtails our time on this mortal plane, but it is by no means a door closed that we may never look beyond. This short period now is an intermission of sorts, during which the lights come up and we look around and we blink, and we talk openly about that which came before and that which may follow. It is a moment of contemplation and of reflection and also of rejoicing and of jubilation. It is not a moment of outright sadness, just as sure as it is neither a true beginning nor a true end.
When we see someone take death upon themselves, it is our chance to look at everything they were, as if for now, at least, their decisions are made and their actions are set in stone. And most importantly, what death is is a time to take stock of the one thing that transcends what we think of as time and place, and that thing is love — the substance in which we all swim — though oftentimes we realise not that we do, for it is as intangible and profound as the dark matter that holds our stars in sway. It is also as elusive, and equally as perplexing to define; and we convince ourselves that it evades our desperate groping for it, when we so often search with a singular purpose.
We write of love in the pages of whimsy as if it were the just reward only for those who are true of heart — the noble and deserving amongst us. But this is not reality, for love belongs to all, and it is the recognition of love in the unlikely places of the everyday that ennobles every one of us, and to feel it we must first recognise it, and to inspire it in others we must first understand the way in which we transmit it from ourselves.
Death of a loved one reveals many things to us. Most importantly it reveals how we loved this person, and how they loved us in return. Love in this way is traceable, as when the lights are up and our sight is cleared, that we may look both forward and backward with truth and with clarity; it is evident through our past actions how and when we loved and to what degree, and how we were loved in return. Sometimes at this juncture we realise that what we took not for love, and perhaps passed off as mere routine and diligent caring, was in fact love in its truest and it’s deepest form.
These oversights and blithe disregards are easy to make when the trappings of life bully our common sense, but in death we cannot let ourselves for a moment confuse what love for a person really is — it is a commitment to their welfare, even when it means a disregard for one’s own, and it is being present when an awareness of one's presence may in fact be absent, and it is pushing oneself to be the best that one can, for this person, in ways that one has to feel out and painstakingly discover along the way. After all this the feeling of love one receives is merely what echoes back when we throw our entirety into the void that is giving.
Some say that love takes a lifetime to build. I don’t know that this is true, but what I do believe is that at the end of a lifetime it is possible to understand love, or at least what the unique love meant between two people. Everything that was love reveals itself, just as everything that shrouded it’s clarity and purpose drops away. In this moment we can be sure in our heart that love existed and that it existed well.
Some also say that when we die we die alone, and that we take nothing of ourselves with us when we depart. I, however, know this not to be true, for if in death love only becomes stronger for those who remain, how can it be that such a tie is broken for those who depart?
If it remains here, then it also remains there, and in this way it is everlasting and it is true and there is no mistaking that it existed and that it will always exist for all the people who knew it."
All is well Debrita, Joodle, Jenny, Viranani, Angie, SeaBird, Kate, Peter, Alwyn, and to all you pilgrims who are still coping with loss, All is Well. Take your stones to the Cruz de Ferro, light your candles along the Way - do not be afraid nor embarrassed to cry, but also, do not be afraid nor embarrassed to laugh and to find Joy.
To you all - Buen Camino.
David xx
I"m so glad that you watched it, and that it moved you.Watched again. Made me cry again, and wish I was in Spain..
I would like to know what is happening with your health. Please feel free to send me a message. I am praying for you tonight. This will include candles and meditation on the pond outside.My plan is to go back in the Fall of 2018 for one last walk, after I retire - and go very, very slowly. Really smell the flowers, really make that glass of wine last all evening.... But my health is declining and I may have to either move the trip up, or walk less than the whole.
In God's hands.
Nothing that will kill me any time soon, but my ability to walk the Way will steadily degrade. Which is a bit discouraging, I confess, because a day does not go by when I do not wish I was buying a doner kabob in Estella, or staring down at Hornillos from that windy bluff....I would like to know what is happening with your health. Please feel free to send me a message. I am praying for you tonight. This will include candles and meditation on the pond outside.
God's mercy on you, dear one.
Deb
Dang! This thread woke up so I had another look and I made the mistake of watching Debrita's film again - big mistake, now I am all choked up and feel .. I don't know .. homesick?
Thank you Debrita xx
Doing fine taking in account what is al happening in the world .Wake up, Camino movie thread! loved reading through this again. A great rerun. V and David, and all of you, how are you? anyone going to Spain this year?