After my first pilgrimage

[Albertagirl]

I was called to go on camino. I felt that God was calling, and I went. It was wonderful. Now, I no longer feel called, I just want to go. I try to resist the urge, as it feels like self-indulgence. But I am taking a second course in Spanish and insisting on the Spanish of Spain. How do pilgrims negotiate the space between the initial call and response and a later urge to go? How do you stop yourself from trying to recreate the previous experience when you know that you must simply accept what you are sent? How can I commit to this expensive journey from western Canada when I know that I could do much good with the money that I will spend? These are my questions to answer, but I would appreciate some help.

 

[RobertS26]

How can you justify the expense? Interesting question. I guess I'd like to point out that many people who embrace the Camino experience return home and immediately empty their closets of all that stuff that we've accumulated without thought. But more importantly, going forward they tend to consume less and give more as the spirit of the Camino lives in their heart. So in a sense, you spent a relatively small amount of money to learn that happiness is not related to what you own or what you possess. So you then save money by consuming less.

 

[Albertagirl]

Thanks, @RobertS26,
I agree that the value of the camino for someone pursuing a religious pilgrimage is in the ways that s/he is changed through doing it. Do I feel like I am a better and more generous person since my camino? Not really. When I returned, I was faced with a depleted bank account and an inability to give as much as I have usually given to charity. I suppose that it is a good thing that I care. But the people that I could help will still do without if I treat myself to further caminos.

 

[KinkyOne]

How can you justify the expense? Interesting question. I guess I'd like to point out that many people who embrace the Camino experience return home and immediately empty their closets of all that stuff that we've accumulated without thought. But more importantly, going forward they tend to consume less and give more as the spirit of the Camino lives in their heart. So in a sense, you spent a relatively small amount of money to learn that happiness is not related to what you own or what you possess. So you then save money by consuming less.

BRAVO!!!

 

[simply B]

[COLOR=rgb(109, 63, 3)]@Albertagirl[/COLOR] - In earlier haste, I had posted at the original thread - sorry!

A modest attempt at your questions...

How do pilgrims negotiate the space between the initial call and response and a later urge to go?

By telling yourself that you might not have learned everything you needed to learn the first time. Additionally, you may be called to provide more service than you have already given.

How do you stop yourself from trying to recreate the previous experience when you know that you must simply accept what you are sent?

Just give up any expectation that it will be anything like the first (previous) walk. You’ll be at a different point on the space/time continuum and one cannot step in the same river twice. It has changed, you have changed.

How can I commit to this expensive journey from western Canada when I know that I could do much good with the money that I will spend?

I take exception with “know(ing) that I could do so much good with the money that I will spend.” That is a level of certainty with which I am unfamiliar on this topic.

“Good” for yourself? If you are getting the call (disguised as "wanting to go"), and it is stronger a pull than other choices, then the Camino must be the better choice.

“Good” for others? Did you do no good, directly, for others on your Camino? I would be surprised if that were the case. I would not be surprised if you under-estimate your contributions to one or more fellow pilgrims.

If it is about charitable use of your money, that is a stickier question. Personally, I would rather give livelihood to some kind and deserving Spaniards than to see a large charity take upwards of 50% for administration. The Camino turned me away from “charitable donation” as commonly understood. I now give only directly (and anonymously) to people having a streak of bad luck.

These are my questions to answer, but I would appreciate some help.

Done what I could with limited time, hope it is of some help!

B

 

[SYates]

I was called to go on camino. I felt that God was calling, and I went. It was wonderful. Now, I no longer feel called, I just want to go. ...

Where exactly is the difference - for you? Buen Camino de la vida, SY

 

[Albertagirl]

Where exactly is the difference - for you? Buen Camino de la vida, SY

This is a good question and possibly one that I could not clarify for someone else. A year before I began my first camino in September, 2015, I had never heard of the camino. I don't know how I heard about it (not from a movie, I saw them after). My sense of being called by God to walk the camino was simultaneous with my first awareness of the existence of the camino - God has called me, I must go. I informed myself and did a great deal of planning, but I was always clear that it was not my idea, just as I feel clear now that to go back is my idea. I was given some important religious insights on my camino, but I didn't anticipate that. Now, I think that that is an important part of what the camino is about for pilgrims, and I would wish that might happen again. When I had no expectations, I felt free and was much blessed. I am old enough in the faith to know that it is futile to cling to religious experiences, but I suspect that I want to go back for more of them.

 

[Joodle]

I was called to go on camino. I felt that God was calling, and I went. It was wonderful. Now, I no longer feel called, I just want to go. I try to resist the urge, as it feels like self-indulgence. But I am taking a second course in Spanish and insisting on the Spanish of Spain. How do pilgrims negotiate the space between the initial call and response and a later urge to go? How do you stop yourself from trying to recreate the previous experience when you know that you must simply accept what you are sent? How can I commit to this expensive journey from western Canada when I know that I could do much good with the money that I will spend? These are my questions to answer, but I would appreciate some help.

That's exactly what I have thought before. Is this a spiritual journey or a self indulgence? I felt that I could do a lot of good with that money too. I would probably donate to a rescue for dogs organization, except, I feel like I need to rescue myself. I've always done what I was supposed to do, been the "good daughter" Married, had children, raised them well, stay active in my church, etc. Except now my soul is crying out for an adventure/pilgrimage to figure out my next move or just to renew myself after so many family deaths, including my identical twin. I NEED THIS. I will then be renewed and prepared to serve my fellow man again.

 

[Albertagirl]

Joodle,
Please note that the title of this thread is "After my first pilgrimage." When I felt the call there was never any doubt in my mind that I would go. I had no family or job commitments, so I was able to obey. It was a wonderful experience and I have never regretted going for a minute, either during my pilgrimage or since. But now that it is over I find myself looking back on it with longing and wondering whether I can or should go again. It sounds to me like you are fully aware of why you want and need to do this pilgrimage, and I encourage you to go for it. If I decide at some point that I am justified in doing a second pilgrimage, I hope that I shall be able to move forward in faith. That, however mixed my motives, there is still a vital element in the urge to go to which I can respond. Right now, I don't know yet. I am waiting in faith.

 

[CaminoDebrita]

I have to respond.

You are a blessing to everyone that you meet. Sometimes it is okay to just go on a trip because YOU desire to go. It is to selfish. But even if it were, if the self desires to travel, let it go its merry way--when you can, when you feel like you can afford it, when you come to terms with this.

Let me tell you a story about Granon. There was a young man who was blathering nonsense, and taking up air time, and just being a bit silly--not it in a great way. A mature woman turned to him and told him he was making no sense. He took it in, and stopped being silly. All appreciated this wise woman's candor, and recognized that she had gently but firmly helped him from making a further fool of himself.

That story went up the pilgrim highway, and reached my ears. When I was told the story, I was at the same time looking at the Granon photo. Who was that woman? Guess who...

 

[Albertagirl]

Deb,
I remember this happening at Tosantos, where several pilgrims went up to the hermitage on the hill escorted by a local woman who told us the history of the hermitage as she understood it. A young man interrupted and persisted in giving his view of the history of the site at length. I was dismayed at his rudeness to our guide and eventually stepped forward and told him that we pilgrims were there to hear the story as told by our guide and would appreciate it if he gave her a chance to speak. It never occurred to me that my action would be remembered or a photo taken.

 

[CaminoDebrita]

Deb,
I remember this happening at Tosantos, where several pilgrims went up to the hermitage on the hill escorted by a local woman who told us the history of the hermitage as she understood it. A young man interrupted and persisted in giving his view of the history of the site at length. I was dismayed at his rudeness to our guide and eventually stepped forward and told him that we pilgrims were there to hear the story as told by our guide and would appreciate it if he gave her a chance to speak. It never occurred to me that my action would be remembered or a photo taken.

I smiled to do the Camino Frances in tandem with you. I heard that story about you from Ashley. Do you remember sitting next to her when at dinner, at Granon? Lovely woman. Young woman, blonde hair, wore black hiker's tights and had had to do her walk alone, as boyfriend had an injury and had to go back.

Really, sometimes you have to trust that what you want to do might also--just might!--be okay. I have faith in your decisions, whatever they may be!

 

[BShea]

@Albertagirl, I can relate to your feelings that doing something for yourself is self-indulgent. I, too, was raised to put others needs before mine. I do not feel pleasure spending money on myself, just guilt. However, with age, I have realized that always sacrificing my needs was detrimental to my mental health. If I am not mentally healthy, my capacity to enrich others’ lives is diminished. I can personally justify doing repeat Caminos because they feed me in three ways: spiritually, mentally, and physically. I feel like the expense is minimal compared to the rejuvenating benefit I receive. The stronger I am, the more I have to give, and giving of my time is 10 fold greater than any monetary donation I could make. “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”

 

[Dutch]

That's exactly what I have thought before. Is this a spiritual journey or a self indulgence? I felt that I could do a lot of good with that money too. I would probably donate to a rescue for dogs organization, except, I feel like I need to rescue myself.

There is the answer....you first need to help yourself, before you can help others.