Are you feeling homesick about the Camino and longing back?

[alexwalker]

I was reading about the camino albergue recommendations:

el-camino-frances/topic10443.html

Is it only me? The names of distant villages in Northern Spain, where I once walked my personal camino, come back to me, and with them, all my memories: After a day's walk, coming in to an albergue that is prepared to take care of you, giving you a place to sleep, and even feed you, all for a nominal amount of money, even a donativo( which should be respected and paid, not abused).

I can feel, deep in my body, the longing for my return to the Camino...

It is like I want to return to my real home. Have you had that feeling :?:

 

[grayland]

Re: Are you feeling homesick about the Camino?

I can feel, deep in my body, the longing for my return to the Camino...
It is like I want to return to my real home. Have you had that feeling :?:

.......yes.......

 

[alexwalker]

Grayland, I am there with you:

It is all the more coming back to me hard, also since tomorrow evening, I will give a presentation of The Way (by request) for the local Rotary club. I compiled a presentation that I have had to do for several organisations, locally.

I know that my lectures have sent some people on The Way: On Good Friday I got an SMS from a couple close to here: They had reached and passed Legrono. All because of my recommendations. As they said, they are coming much closer to each other on The Way. Very inspirational.

Isn't it sooo remarkable what the Camino does to us :?: I am so thankful for having gotten the gift of discovering the Camino.

But my initial question remains:

Are you feeling homesick about the Camino and longing back?

 

[mikevasey]

.......yes.......

At the end of my 2nd one i kept meeting people who had moved to live on the camino, i wanted to do the same, and as it happens sometimes on the camino the things that you need or are thinking about present themselves to you. I have come back to the UK and slightly lost that motivation, i might be walking the primitivo towards the end of this year, but im not even sure about that, i met someone on my 2nd one, at the moment this is occupying my life. My money and my holidays (not that they really matter in comparison) are going, in flying back and thro from warsaw. Despite my heart being occupied, i still want to walk caminos, it does feel like home to me, a freedom(a real freedom!) and friendship.

Mike

 

[alexwalker]

Mike,

Thanks for your very honest reply.

..sometimes on the camino the things that you need or are thinking about present themselves to you.

This happens all the time; with me too. It was amazing.

I must confess, I am on the brink of devoting much more time to the Camino. I see many people struggling to keep it going around in some places. I know that in some ways, I can make a difference. As Rebekah said in another post:

el-camino-frances/topic8401.html

Alex
Please come to Moratinos right away, we need your kind of help with our next camino project!!
(I am not kidding.)

I have visited Rebekah once, because I wanted to give her a small gift in return for her givings to the Camino society.

I have no clue what she means, however, but this energetic Camino person obviously needs help in some form(s). It is very important for our peace of mind to have the Camino open and ready for us all, I think. If some of us can contribute, then all the better.

Since my Camino in 2009, I have hardly had a day without thinking about it. Strange. Or is there a meaning :?:

 

[mikevasey]

I know that in some ways, I can make a difference.

Hi Alex, what i forget or dont bother to do is act upon the opportunities that come my way, this is the bain of my life. The camino makes me do these things, Thank God! I think this question you are asking is basically 'Should I or shouldnt I'. I think you know the answer to this, but as with most of us its the upheaval and uncertainty that hold us back, i dont think there is a answer for those feelings, apart from going out and doing whatever it is you want to do.


Mike

 

[alexwalker]

I think this question you are asking is basically 'Should I or shouldnt I'. I think you know the answer to this, but as with most of us its the upheaval and uncertainty that hold us back

You are truly very right Mike: If one is able to pay back why shouldn't he/she :?: I have a lot to thank the Camino for. I will say with Luther: "Here I stand. I can do no other. May God help me".

Edit: And then start working the good work...

 

[renegadepilgrim]

Yes, and I am heading back in October to serve as a hospitalera. I cannot wait.

 

[daesdaemar]

I really enjoyed and my Camino experience and want to go back. That's about as elegantly as I can put it.

 

[johnBCCanada]

Not to be contrary but I would enjoy going back to the/a Camino but don't plan to do so. I walked portions of the Camino France, Camino primitivo and the Camino Inglise and that is enough. I may not put this well but I don't think the Camino should become an obsession or an antidote for all that is wrong or absent in our lives.

For me I hope that I have learned from the experience, will share that with others and will go forth again on other ventures with increased curiousity, openness and confidence.

I suspect there are caminos alll around us.

John

 

[Caminando]

Well said, John, though I haven't put your wise words into practice.

 

[KiwiNomad06]

I suspect there are caminos alll around us. John

John I full respect what you say, but I don't think there are caminos all around us, and that is why I hope to have a chance to walk again. For me, that rhythm of walking for so many days in the countryside was very precious. It was 'possible' for me to do as there was good infrastructure in terms of places to stay and eat. Though they are developing a long distance track here at home, it is very remote in places, doesn't pass close to towns or villages, and is quite rugged and mountainous in places. So it's not a route I think I could do alone.
Margaret

 

[mikevasey]

For me I hope that I have learned from the experience, will share that with others and will go forth again on other ventures with increased curiousity, openness and confidence.

I suspect there are caminos alll around us.

Hi John, I think i agree with what your saying, if what your saying is that everyday life has paths through it with which we can connect , it just needs an open mind on our part. I wont even disagree with the statement that it could be obsession. But on my part i still feel like there is something unfinished on my walking of these caminos, and i feel the need to be connected to them until i realise this is no longer needed, a lot of things happened on my 2nd camino, amongst them the realisation that i might have a 'shelf life' on them. When(if) this day comes i hope i have the insight/courage to realise this. Until then it is a very big part of my life, and hopefully i can aim for balance rather than obsession in my attitude to it.

Mike

 

[alexwalker]

...i feel the need to be connected to them until i realise this is no longer needed---

I think that was what I was trying to say by starting this thread. Well formulated (Said by a non-English person...!).

 

[mikevasey]

Well formulated (Said by a non-English person...!).

Hi Alex, I live in a town where there is a quite a high number of overseas english students, i have made friends with a few.They discovered while in Exeter they were learning to speak better(more correct) english than most english people.

Mike

 

[virveb]

Simply: yes. During my first half camino Frances I knew I want to come back. Someday soo. Do not know exactly why so have to go and figure it out. Plans are made, flights are booked, have started walking 6-10 km a day, twice weekends. Now I have to wait only 60 days and I will be in Roncesvalles. Looking forward to that very much.

 

[johnBCCanada]

Hello

I understand that there aren't well supported walking routes all over and that is unfortunate. I'm 59 and no longer like carrying the heavier pack that I used to when backpacking in the mountains. There are some possibilities out there which I hope to explore while I am able.

But when I said there are other caminos I didn't mean literally other well supported walking paths but rather other routes of all types that we can travel all around us for learning and growth. I think that we can take away from the camino the increased confidence to explore other caminos that may initially appear much different than the camino with which we are familiar.

I hope I am not too obscure. As for the camino as I well supported, inexpensive walking route as I enjoy exploring the world at a walking pace and meeting people while doing so I am looking for other areas where I may do so. There are possibilities out there.

regards

john

 

[Canuck]

[quote="johnBCCanada"I'm 59 and ... There are some possibilities out there which I hope to explore while I am able.
...
As for the camino as ... I enjoy exploring the world at a walking pace and meeting people while doing so I am looking for other areas where I may do so. There are possibilities out there.
[/quote]

John,

+1, count me in!

At 68, I have plans to leave on the 2nd of August to walk from Prague to Strasbourg, via Germany (860 km).

I have stop counting caminos after the 15th one, but I don't intend to stop walking...

Happy go,
Jean-Marc

 

[Kialoa3]

The world is filled with caminos and opportunities for growth. Each of us as pilgrims shares the Way with all those many others who are also walking and searching for their own unique sense of peace. Let us be open to the needs of those many others we meet along the Way and make space for the possibilities that those encounters might bring.

John

 

[grayland]

I am sure that there are lots of things to do wherever you live...
But...Alex asked if anyone was called back to the Camino.

 

[Deleted member 3000]

I don't think it is "homesickness," but I keep going back because it is convenient and fun. Backpacking/camping requires a heavier pack, and I have been spoiled by the light pack on the Camino. I have done a variety of routes, but go back to the Camino Frances because of the variety of stage lengths available, which I find particularly useful on shorter walks. I probably have evolved into that disreputable category of pilgrim that is just looking for a cheap vacation. There was a time when the cheapskate was useful to the economy by rounding out the income stream. Now they/we just use a bed that some other pilgrim needs. I do use more hostales these days, but there is not one at every albergue location. In France about half the accommodations are hotels or chambres d'hote places that are not cheap pilgrim beds. While the spiritual aspects of a pilgrimage are not lost on me, quite frankly I do not find the Camino any more spiritual than any walk in the woods. At least on the Camino Frances, there are more people to meet than on the Appalachian Trail (for example), and I love meeting the people.

It is hard to describe second and subsequent walks on the same route. The anticipation is gone, and replaced with a familiar knowledge that "just over that hill" is the village, or "there is a bar" for coffee at the next intersection. New horizons are supplanted by something akin to comfort food. One also has the knowledge of places to avoid and places you want to try.

I think a lot of capacity was added last year, and the number of pilgrims this year seems well ahead of 2009, so maybe it is not excess capacity. But it is possible that the number of pilgrims will begin to decrease as it has several times in the past. When that happens, the repeat walker will be needed, or at least his wallet will be.

 

[CaminoJohn]

Yes! I felt the "homesickness" immediately after my first camino. Going back for my 2nd camino, I didn't try to "capture" any sense of the first camino, but practiced being open to what the one I was on would be about. In a lot of ways they turned out the same: a travelling community, intense reflection, and new life long friends. I feel I try to bring the camino into my daily life. I try to remember that what most people want are simple things; food, shelter, health care and I try to support those things at my home as I do on the camino. I am looking forward to becoming a hospitalero on the camino some day, but right now I am so excitied about walking a 3rd time with my brother and friend. Hope to see some of you on the camino in June/July!

 

[alexwalker]

CaminoJohn,

I can resonate with you. Same thinking.

Last evening I made a bold decision.

For over one year, I had planned to do the Via de la Plata. I put it off because other people told me they needed me here. But last night, they/she regretted it, admitted to being selfish and simply jealous, and here I am, frantically planning :wink:

So if all goes well, I am on a plane to Malaga Tuesday morning, staying over, taking a bus to Seville the next day, getting my credential and a bed, staying 2 days in Seville and then start walking towards Santiago. 44 days, according to http://www.godesalco.com

Many interesting replies to this thread. And yes, Caminos can be found everywhere, and the Spanish ones can be looked upon asd a cheap vacation. It is not that for me, but it is not religious either, if you do not consider your inner self as a religious place: "God is love", and "you shall find him/her inside yourself". So I'll go looking... Edit: I simply find the Spanish ways to Santiago de Compostela the perfect place for such inner journeys.

Anyway, if the airline companies and my Eurocard cooperate, I will be on the Camino this week, in a few days.

 

[CaminoJohn]

Awesome Alex! Buen Camino!

 

[alexwalker]

CaminoJohn,

Thank you :!: :!: :!:

I just think I have to go for it. Also, since it seems that I can do something good to some people along the way :!: All this works in mysterious ways: I have already been instructed to help on the Camino. And so I shall. That will be perfect.

 

[mikevasey]

Hi Alex,

A Big 'BUEN CAMINO' to you! Would love to say some big wise words that would help you on your way, but im not very good at stuff like that, so take my hearts friendship and goodwill.

Mike

 

[alexwalker]

Mike,

I'll take that to my heart. I will walk in good faith, trusting that that my needs will be provided for on the Camino. As a backup, I will carry my Master- and Eurocard. :wink:

And thank you VERY much :!:

Would love to say some big wise words that would help you on your way, but im not very good at stuff like that, so take my hearts friendship and goodwill.

Wise words not needed: I understand your message. Aahh, you actually said it, so I will carry you with me. You will be remembered along the way, Mike.

 

[grayland]

Wonderful news, Alex.
We will all be with you in spirit (and envy) on your Camino.
Post along the way and let us know how it is going.

 

[alexwalker]

Grayland,

Please allow me my respect for you to shine though: In my eyes you are a highly valued contributor in this forum, of which comments I have regarded highly. I am only a humble pilgrim...

Edit:

But alas, we are once more diverting, even if we have a good time together: ARE YOU FEELING GOOD ON THE CAMINO :?: :?: :?:

Where is your heart... :?: And do you want to walk with me (anonymos; A pilgrim who is walking and thinking).

 

[mikevasey]

Where is your heart... And do you want to walk with me (anonymos; A pilgrim who is walking and thinking).

Yes, I am very much keeping a lid on my desire to just drop everything and go back to the camino at the moment!

I will hopefully follow in your steps next year, you could still be there, if so expect a visitor!

Mike

 

[Nandy61]

A big ENVY from Boston here!!

So psyched for you Alex. ANd so pleased that you are "going for it" in such a short window of time.

Be well, Happy Trails and Buen Camino!!

 

[alexwalker]

so pleased that you are "going for it" in such a short window of time.

The blessing of retirement :lol: Thanks.

Point of no return is passed: ticket to Malaga, non-refundable, is now printed out. Touchdown tomorrow, 18.30. On to Seville on Wednesday by bus, and then play by ear for 2 months. Packing is in progress. I used http://www.godesalco.com to plan my itinerary, and my guide to la Plata from CSJ has been supplied with the latest update sheet. The CSJ organisation is a blessing to us peregrinos.

I hope the heat won't crack me. If so, I will divert to Frances, maybe help Rebekah for some days. But I will try to come to some help of Don Blas on the Plata, if he needs me. We'll see. I am off soon (tomorrow morning). CU.

PS: If I get Net access, I will try to post a little in the la Plata section.

 

[Rennie Archibald]

Absolutely! And I am. This will be my 5th year in Spain. Two walking and 3 as hospitalero.

I don't know where you live, but a bunch of us have established chapters of American Pilgrims on the Camino in Seattle, San Francisco and LA. Just hanging with other pilgrims is a lot of help. Check out the APOC website. They can help you contact others in your area.

I also try to promote the Camino experience at outdoor stores and with Spanish clubs in the local schools.

It all helps.

Peace
Rennie

 

[alexwalker]

I don't know where you live---

Far from you, on the other side of the pond, in the Arctic, but I know SF very well.

I cannot sleep: It is 2.30 in the morning and my alarm is set on 8.30 AM... I am thinking about what I have forgot, because my backpak is surprisingly light. But then again, I think I have it all, just more clever packing than the last time :lol:

And I can sleep on the plane: For now, I am considering all what I may have missed in my packing...

Have to get some sleep, but it is difficult, considering that tomorrow morning I am jumping into it: Just 8 more hours to go. Strange.

 

[FatmaG]

Buen camino, Alexwalker !!!


And to answer your quesion : yes yes yes - since my very first camino I am feeling homesick (awaysick???) and I am longing back; after every camino and now after every single (more or less) short stage on the camino crossing my small country and the north of France, I come back home wishing to be on the camino again, dreaming about it, longing for it, waiting for the next time to be gone...

No logical explanation - as if it simply got possession of me, my thoughts, my being.
On the camino, I just feel good and free and united with mankind, nature and creation ...

 

[Kialoa3]

Alex,
I am so happy for you to have the freedom to fly away when you please. For the rest of us the office beckons (at least for a bit more time). But my restlessness abides and I too will hopefully one day soon be able to rejoin the camino. Enjoy yourself and keep us posted on your travels.

safe passage

 

[Gailsie]

I guess the answer is Yes, as I have started lurking on this board again, reading about people's experiences. As long was I was walking on the indoor track during our cold snowy Canadian winter, it did not bother me. However, once I got walking outside, I started thinking about my Fall 2009 Camino Frances experiences. Then one morning when I got home, I started planning a camino for May 2012, something to look forward to.

Gailsie

 

[Runa Gunnarsdottir]

Yes, I am feeling homesick and want so so much to go back and do it all over again.
It was the best time of my life on the Camino, allt the nice people I met and all the good friends that I got to know there and still have them in my life.
I was never alone even though I was alone and enjoyed every minute although I had some good day and some bad ones.
I thank the Spanish people for their kindness, all my Camino friends and hope to see you again someday.
Best wishes
Rúna in Iceland.

 

[kodo]

Hi Alex!

...in one word: "YEEEEEESSSSS"! I'm always struck by a feeling "that something is missing" shortly when I get back home. It's hard to explain in a word what I mean but:

...I love to wake up in the morning, not knowing "what will happen today, who will I meet on The WAY today"
...not knowing where I will end up
...take a deep breath in the early morning hearing the birds wake up and, maybe, hearing a dog bark in the far distance

Geeeee, Alex, YEEEEEEEEES I always long to the Camino...

See you on The WAY in the future...
/Peter

 

[johns]

more aless spur of the moment starting from ferrol to muxia 29 11 2011 booking flights to madrid train to ferrol next 24 hours very nice understanding wife but been married 50 years john

 

[petro]

YES and YES!!

 

[Solar Panel Phil]

All so true, so true. Very difficult to get back into the "real world" (for want of a better word) after the
wonderful experiences of my first Camino (Sept-Oct 2011). Trying to cope with positive thoughts of taking things experienced/learnt forward, but sometimes that is difficult....Good luck everybody!!

 

[Arn]

A little more than a week ago, I was sitting in a garden setting in Santiago with Johnnie Walker and Steven. We were just speaking in generalities about the Way and how it affects us. I had completed the Caminho Portuguese the day before and I had just begun to speak about some of the pilgrims I'd met along the Way and the feeling of loss now they were gone.

Well, the thought was there, but when I tried to voice the words...I nearly choked up.

That's when Johnnie jumped in with..."there, that's a Camino moment!"

And, he's right...the Camino "moment" isn't quite homesickness, it's a feeling, tied to a realization that something is missing. What that something is...only you know!

Arn

 

[andy.d]

thanks for this Arn - but it does add as well as take away I think?

Andy

 

[fraluchi]

...the Camino "moment" isn't quite homesickness, it's a feeling, tied to a realization that something is missing. What that something is...only you know! Arn

...at least if you walked all the way with your backpack, appreciated the daily challenges of the path, the "camaraderie" with fellow pilgrims, the bed (or "colchoneta") in the "albergues", the pilgrims' curses (muscle pain, blisters, snorers, etc.), the beauty of nature, the exquisite churches (avoiding the "Rosary" ladies..) and the final realization that we can do with so little for such a long time yet feel happy.
A "Camino feeling"!

 

[nellpilgrim]

[..at least if you walked all the way with your backpack, appreciated the daily challenges of the path, the "camaraderie" with fellow pilgrims, the bed (or "colchoneta") in the "albergues", the pilgrims' curses (muscle pain, blisters, snorers, etc.), the beauty of nature, the exquisite churches (avoiding the "Rosary" ladies..)

Hi Fraluchi,
Please define "Rosary Ladies" :? As someone who automatically (Irish middle aged Catholic -so it's hardwired) uses the Rosary as a sort of walking prayer/mantra, I'm curious to know what I have to do to become an RL?..... or maybe even discover that I'm one already :shock:
Nell

 

[ksam]

Well, the thought was there, but when I tried to voice the words...I nearly choked up.
That's when Johnnie jumped in with..."there, that's a Camino moment!"
Arn

Is it perhaps not just a sense that, although they are gone from our side, the world has suddenly shrunk a little? We become (I know I have) attached to people, who live so very far away. I have this feeling that this lovely globe we live on is covered with delicate spider web like threads, tying me to so many places and the wonderful people who live in them. I have come away with a tender feeling for each of the places on the globe where these people live. For me they can never ever again be just a country. Those for foreign far off places will forever be sweet memories of Camino friends. I see their faces and here their voices. And I get choked up when I talk about the Camino too, I have to say they are always joyful tears!

Yeah...There are moments of "homesickness" and then I realize...they're with me even now...So inspite of missing them and the Way itself... all is well!

 

[aysun]

Hi!
maybe thats what i feel now, longing and want to go back. I did my first camino from lepuy and finished in Finesterra. I been at home now for about 3weeks started working, and try to settle down. But i feel lost and its has been very difficult to find rest in me. It feels like nobody understands and i feel very bad not only because nobody understand but also because it has been very difficult to do the everyday things. Maybe i have unfinished the way............
Anybody who have done the camino more then one time how was it for you to came back home to the real life.
i know that iam not in right topic here but i couldn´t find any.

thanks for all advice
aysun

 

[Rebekah Scott]

Alysun
You have culture shock. It will pass in a couple of days. Just get LOTS of sleep, get out and walk every day, avoid drinking or smoking too much, eat lots of good veg and fruit. If you kept a diary or any particular habits on your camino, keep doing them every day if you can. Ease yourself back into your home rhythm by keeping ahold of some of the good rhythms you picked up on the trail.
Habits of open eyes and ears, and tolerance, and kindness to yourself. Let yourself mourn for what is gone now, the people you miss. But carry them with you into the familiar streets around you, and try to keep the same open-heart you had back in Spain, the openness that let you meet those cool new people.
There are wonderful people all around you, right where you are. You now are equipped to see and hear them in a lovely, subtle new way. You have expanded your heart and your senses, and now you can bring your strong, fresh, skinnier self to bear on the old life you left behind for a few weeks... Your "old life" is your new camino. It has just as much misery and suffering and questioning and silliness and beauty as that place in Spain has. It has just as much to offer you, if you keep an open heart. You now have so much more to offer to the world.
You do NOT have to go back to Spain the "give something back," fun as that might be. (The camino will never be the same again.) The difference is in you. "Give back" to the old world that sent you off onto the camino!

There you stand. You can do no other. Big opportunity now. Aprovecharlo!

 

[Sagalouts]

Thanks for your post Reb,its given me food for thought
while sitting on the quite beach at Finisterre a few weeks ago I was asked by a companion if this was my last Camino, before I could formulate an answer I said yes and my whole being knew that it was right.it was a finish
back home now for 2 weeks and in a daze but your words have struck a chord thank you
Ian

 

[Deleted member 3000]

There is a lot of futility in doing the same old thing and expecting a different outcome. You have to accept the old outcome, or do something different. Only you can decide which. My brother quit his job when he returned from his camino.

Equally futile is expecting others to understand you. When you cannot achieve your expectations, lower them. I know it seems like quitting, but once you accept that no one will understand you, and stop trying to get them to, you may find that they actually understand you a bit better, and you are likely to understand yourself better as well.

There is a lot of frustration in expecting life to conform to your idea of it. I liked the line in "The Way" -- you don't choose a life, you live one. Reconciling yourself to not controlling your life can relieve a lot of stress.

I enjoyed my first camino. I did not try to repeat it, and enjoyed the next six as well. Had I tried to make each one like the last one, I doubt I would have found enjoyment again. I urge you to go back, Aysun. It really is a lot of fun!

 

[Lydia Gillen]

If it was not for 'the rosary ladies' most of the churches in Spain would remain closed.

I have been amazed at how they stay in the church after mass to be present for the pilgrim blessing and will then wish us 'Buen Camino' . They do this day after day after day.!!!

I say God bless the rosary ladies

Lydia

 

[jennysa]

Hi!
maybe thats what i feel now, longing and want to go back. I did my first camino from lepuy and finished in Finesterra. I been at home now for about 3weeks started working, and try to settle down. But i feel lost and its has been very difficult to find rest in me. It feels like nobody understands and i feel very bad not only because nobody understand but also because it has been very difficult to do the everyday things. Maybe i have unfinished the way............
Anybody who have done the camino more then one time how was it for you to came back home to the real life.
i know that iam not in right topic here but i couldn´t find any.

thanks for all advice
aysun

The responses from everyone confirms that this is a universal feeling that we all experience. I thought that I would never, ever adjust to life after the Camino, but it does get easier, although I am sure that longing to be back on the road never leaves you; it just becomes less intense, but then, when you read the messages on the forum from pilgrims who are either on the camino, or about to begin it, those feeling of longing begins all over again and right now, if I had the funds and could take the time off work, I would jump on the first plane back to Madrid and even walk in the snow. In the meantime, I have Sylvia (Sillydoll's) hospitalero course to look forward to so that I can give something back when I do my next camino in 2012.

 

[aysun]

Thank you Rebekah and Falcon, i feel much better.
as i said i couldn´t find any topic on this subject, "coming home after the camino", so i still wonder have did you felt after your first camino. was it easy for you to come back to the "real life", with working and all the other things in your everyday life.

best regards
and buen camino to you who are on the way
aysun

 

[Rebekah Scott]

Re-entry is bumpy for just about anyone who had something profound happen to him on the Camino. You are very much not alone.
I have a guidebook about half-written on this very topic, because there does seem to be a real need for one. Demand is another thing, however!

Reb

 

[David]

I long for it, I even occasionally dream about it. 18 months ago my mother developed delusions and the onset of dementia. She lived over two hundred miles away so I sold her house and bought her another closer to me. Wasn't close enough, so I moved closer to her. She had to be hospitalised for a while in a locked ward but is now back home and on medication so the delusions have gone but the dementia slowly creeps in. She hasn't been the kindest of people so she has alienated every human she has ever known. She now has no family who will speak to her, no friends who want to be in touch with her. I am the last man standing.
I had not spoken with her more than twice in the last thirty years as she always hung up on me, until she phoned me a few months after her last husband died. So I responded.

I am not here because of what she is but really because of who I am. I have had to leave my friends, give up that which I believed I had a Christian mission for, stopped going to the Camino doing first aid each year, sold my camper and bought a car that she can get into.
I cannot now leave, not for more than two days at a time. I am 63 and she is 87 and we are now linked until one of us dies.
It has taught me a lot about real compassion, not the easy-peasy being nice when you feel nice, but doing the right thing when you feel something else, which is a plus of course. Most likely something that I have needed to learn.

I treat it as life putting something up in front of me for me to learn, a process for me, in my time. I cannot go and do 'good' over there without abandoning her over here - so I am here, and less on this forum than before.

I understand what is going on, perhaps almost why what is going on, and it is selfish, wrong, and a desire for personal gratification to so desperately want to be back 'out there' - but, God forgive me, I do, so much.
I regularly check over my 1st aid kits, disposing of items that have run out of date, but not now renewing them. I read my 1st aid books to keep up to date .......
This Camino thing ....it gets into your blood, into your nervous system, connects in to some deep racial/spiritual memory - doesn't it. :|

 

[Abbeydore]

David,

Thank you, & well done, I will pray for you & your mother, kind thoughts.
David

 

[Lydia Gillen]

David,
The camino where God has placed you now, and where you know He has placed you, is far far harder then any stretch of the Camino de Santiago. As I walk each day preparing for my next Camino in May I will think of you and pray for you both.

One lesson that God has taught me is that there is grace for each moment. Our God is a God of the present. Remember when Moses asked Him "Whom shall I tell the people sent me" and God said, "I am Who am.". There is no grace for the weeks and months and years ahead, but there is grace for now. It is there for the asking.

Take good care of yourself. Ask for and demand help from the state when you need it.
May the good Lord give you both a deep sense of his loving abiding presence.

Lydia