Carrying Grudges and Blessings

[Coleen Clark]

I was doing my morning march with backpack, hat, water and double sox, getting ready for my Camino to start on August 3rd, and found myself stomping rather than walking and humming. My mind ran on and on about someone who did me wrong, then another person came popping up that I just could not forgive, and still another scene played out where I had been injured until I had this long list like Arya in GoT that I was whispering. My feet took the brunt of the anger, bang bang banging along the road, until I realized what I was doing. Now when I allow my mind to wander I try to guide it to my blessing rather than my pains. Maybe the Camino will teach me to forgive, obviously I have not yet. The heaviest item in my backpack is my grudges.

 

[Mike Savage]

So true. I hope I can learn from your example.

 

[Deleted member 3000]

My mind ran on and on about someone who did me wrong

Was it that guy with the clicking trekking poles, or the lady who snored? Or the tourigrino with the clean boots?

 

[Icacos]

....... or the lady who snored?

No, actually it was a man who snored.

 

[Icacos]

I was doing my morning march with backpack, hat, water and double sox, getting ready for my Camino to start on August 3rd, and found myself stomping rather than walking and humming. My mind ran on and on about someone who did me wrong, then another person came popping up that I just could not forgive, and still another scene played out where I had been injured until I had this long list like Arya in GoT that I was whispering. My feet took the brunt of the anger, bang bang banging along the road, until I realized what I was doing. Now when I allow my mind to wander I try to guide it to my blessing rather than my pains. Maybe the Camino will teach me to forgive, obviously I have not yet. The heaviest item in my backpack is my grudges.

Coleen, you need a real long distance walk. Solvitur ambulando ... It is solved by walking. Do you hear the Camino screaming out at you???

 

[CaminoDebrita]

Do you think that Arya is justified? I certainly understand her pain, and her anger. Is it better to become "nobody" than to bear grudges? I think it may be part of being "somebody" to hold on to a few of those.

The trick is to minimize focus on them.

I think it is normal to do some stomping on occasion, but mostly it's better to minimize the small stuff (the mean, the angry, the bitter, the jealous).

My heaviest item is also my grudges. We who take care of others often do just a bit more than we should, and then resent the slackers who are off having a lovely gin and tonic and dancing while we tend to the ill.

It's our turn to dance, Colleen!

Thanks for the great post, which helped me to focus and remind myself to let go of the grudges.

 

[Coleen Clark]

Was it that guy with the clicking trekking poles, or the lady who snored? Or the tourigrino with the clean boots?

Oh no! Nothing on the Camino has me fuming (yet). I don't start walking until Aug3. Everything that is on my Camino I bring with me, and although I really don't want to bring anything "bad", we are not perfect, and parts of me need the walk more than other parts. My attitude needs it. My knees don't. My spirit really needs it, it's been drained by taking care of others. My fat behind needs it. I will try not to leave big puddles of regret, meanness, and grouchiness for other Pilgrims to step in, but I am hoping to shed it all as I walk. (watch your step, pal)

 

[wawpdx]

Coleen. I actually loved your post. What I heard is that you are taking all of yourself on the Camino -- not just the funny, wise, kind, caring, witty self that we have come to love here on the forum, but all of the parts of you. The pain and the joy, the ideal and the parts that are less than you wish they were. This can only be good. You are human. The Camino is a journey for humans. Haven't you been to memorial services or funerals where it sounds like they are mourning the idealized person and not the real, every day person? I learned many years ago that the range of being human is very large. The best, and only person to take on Camino is you. Buen Camino.

 

[CaminoDebrita]

Coleen. I actually loved your post. What I heard is that you are taking all of yourself on the Camino -- not just the funny, wise, kind, caring, witty self that we have come to love here on the forum, but all of the parts of you. The pain and the joy, the ideal and the parts that are less than you wish they were. This can only be good. You are human. The Camino is a journey for humans. Haven't you been to memorial services or funerals where it sounds like they are mourning the idealized person and not the real, every day person? I learned many years ago that the range of being human is very large. The best, and only person to take on Camino is you. Buen Camino.

You nailed it. All of her.

 

[Albertagirl]

I was doing my morning march with backpack, hat, water and double sox, getting ready for my Camino to start on August 3rd, and found myself stomping rather than walking and humming. My mind ran on and on about someone who did me wrong, then another person came popping up that I just could not forgive, and still another scene played out where I had been injured until I had this long list like Arya in GoT that I was whispering. My feet took the brunt of the anger, bang bang banging along the road, until I realized what I was doing. Now when I allow my mind to wander I try to guide it to my blessing rather than my pains. Maybe the Camino will teach me to forgive, obviously I have not yet. The heaviest item in my backpack is my grudges.

I appreciate this thread as I have been finding myself angry more than usual lately, not holding grudges against people from my past but getting unusually angry at people who frustrate me in everyday life: the bus driver who gives me wrong information then tells me off, the airline employee who rejects my usual identification. I have also found myself being far more compassionate than usual lately, to the sick whom I visit, to the street people that I meet everyday in my city. I am realizing how my emotions are coming very close to the surface. I have kept myself depressed most of my life by repressing my emotions and that does not seem to be working any more. It is terrifying and wonderful. I don't know what that has to do with my imminent camino, but I am convinced that it does. I'm just going to ride the wave and see where it takes me. Thanks, Coleen

 

[scruffy1]

One of the more wonderful things with walking, and the Camino, is the absolute freedom granted and the total loss of control. You get up in the morning at strange hours, you walk alone or don't, you drink coffee which is not from some godawful place like Starbucks but rather real coffee, you plan well how far to walk but then often stop sooner or continue on further,...and your thoughts come and go on their own - almost meditation in which you cannot actually direct your concentration your interest, images appear and fade, lost memories suddenly surface, long forgotten old friends suddenly pop up into your mind, family now, from the past, and the future, and yes aggrevations disappointments and failures alongside best ever experiences, and a often a reassessment of life, of occupation, of why we do what we do and why we are walking in Spain at all. Glorious.

 

[Coleen Clark]

We are all so brave. All of us. Have you ever looked at your reflection in a mirror by accident and thought "That's not me, is it?". I feel like the Camino will show me exactly what I am made of. All of it. Perhaps that is why all of our emotions are peaking right before we go, it is our inner spirit saying "That's not me" to our life right now. Albertagirl said her emotions are coming in waves, anger and compassion. I understand. I'm scared, excited, proud, and apprehensive. Kinda like my (first) wedding night, but not so disappointing (or fast...) I hope.

 

[William Garza]

One of the more wonderful things with walking, and the Camino, is the absolute freedom granted and the total loss of control. You get up in the morning at strange hours, you walk alone or don't, you drink coffee which is not from some godawful place like Starbucks but rather real coffee, you plan well how far to walk but then often stop sooner or continue on further,...and your thoughts come and go on their own - almost meditation in which you cannot actually direct your concentration your interest, images appear and fade, lost memories suddenly surface, long forgotten old friends suddenly pop up into your mind, family now, from the past, and the future, and yes aggrevations disappointments and failures alongside best ever experiences, and a often a reassessment of life, of occupation, of why we do what we do and why we are walking in Spain at all. Glorious.

Are you suggesting,that your life...becomes your own again?

 

[Peter Rennie]

Coleen, I loved your post also. What you call your grudges are your self defence mechanisms. The anger you want to inflict on someone else because they have hurt you. But a grudge doesn't really hurt the other person; it just hurts yourself. It is just another piece of baggage you don't need to carry.

The thing about a pilgrimage like the Camino is that somewhere along the way it forces you to leave some unnecessary baggage behind, except the x kilos on your back. Leave it all behind, take a deep breath and love God and your neighbour. That's all you've been asked to do.

Buen Camino.

 

[Anemone del Camino]

I understand. I'm scared, excited, proud, and apprehensive. Kinda like my (first) wedding night, but not so disappointing (or fast...) I hope.

Colleen, you are making me blush! ;0) And trust me, it will not feel fast at all. "If only" you will be telling yourself as you are about to set yet another foot forward and in pain ;0)

 

[Martha Jansen]

Colleen...your post really rang my bell! So many people ask "why" when they hear of my plans to walk the Camino. I hesitate to answer truthfully and often give a vague answer void of the real truth that pounds at my head while writing this. I must admit that I'm taking this journey for many reasons but mostly because I want to do something for myself that is not a result of doing for others. Over the years I've become the planner and organizer of our travels. I was thrilled that I was doing this "alone" but now my husband will be joining me for the last 100 km; which means giving up the fun of the albergues for meeting new friends in exchange for private rooms in Pensions since he's not good with shared spaces. But I am glad that he has decided to join me as this was on his "bucket list" years ago and I was not willing to go. Now, his age and health preclude him from doing the entire trip with me and we'll enjoy the last part together. So yes, like you, it's good to admit that I'm taking this to shed myself of the daily grind and frustrations that come with a large family with many needs. I don't leave until August 14th so will miss meeting you most likely. Buen Camino

 

[Coleen Clark]

Colleen...your post really rang my bell! So many people ask "why" when they hear of my plans to walk the Camino. I hesitate to answer truthfully and often give a vague answer void of the real truth that pounds at my head while writing this. I must admit that I'm taking this journey for many reasons but mostly because I want to do something for myself that is not a result of doing for others. Over the years I've become the planner and organizer of our travels. I was thrilled that I was doing this "alone" but now my husband will be joining me for the last 100 km; which means giving up the fun of the albergues for meeting new friends in exchange for private rooms in Pensions since he's not good with shared spaces. But I am glad that he has decided to join me as this was on his "bucket list" years ago and I was not willing to go. Now, his age and health preclude him from doing the entire trip with me and we'll enjoy the last part together. So yes, like you, it's good to admit that I'm taking this to shed myself of the daily grind and frustrations that come with a large family with many needs. I don't leave until August 14th so will miss meeting you most likely. Buen Camino

Ah now, Martha. I am going to take my time, I'm the slow one everyone will pass, so you will eventually catch up with me, since you have an agenda with your husband. We hesitate to say we are doing something for ourselves, but WHY? For all the times we did for others, we are allowed to be selfish once. And I have to ask, is it really selfish if, when we walk and become a better person in the world, we are making the world better?

 

[Urban Trekker]

Colleen...your post really rang my bell! So many people ask "why" when they hear of my plans to walk the Camino. I hesitate to answer truthfully and often give a vague answer void of the real truth that pounds at my head while writing this. I must admit that I'm taking this journey for many reasons but mostly because I want to do something for myself that is not a result of doing for others. Over the years I've become the planner and organizer of our travels. I was thrilled that I was doing this "alone" but now my husband will be joining me for the last 100 km; which means giving up the fun of the albergues for meeting new friends in exchange for private rooms in Pensions since he's not good with shared spaces. But I am glad that he has decided to join me as this was on his "bucket list" years ago and I was not willing to go. Now, his age and health preclude him from doing the entire trip with me and we'll enjoy the last part together. So yes, like you, it's good to admit that I'm taking this to shed myself of the daily grind and frustrations that come with a large family with many needs. I don't leave until August 14th so will miss meeting you most likely. Buen Camino

Martha tell your friends and family what you have told us on this forum. "I want to do something for myself" is a great reason. As far as the last 100 miles with your husband, I think by then you will be looking forward to staying in pensions and spending quality time with your man. Buen Camino

Happy Trails

 

[Albertagirl]

I have been thinking that this distinction between doing something for yourself and doing something for others is a false one, when it concerns walking the camino de Santiago. When I first felt the call to pilgrimage, I thought that I was going so that God would show me, during the pilgrimage, what I was to do with the rest of my life now that I am retired. Now I see that it is more about becoming the person that God is calling me to be. I do not know how this can or will happen when I am on pilgrimage, except that I shall have to rely on God constantly in ways that I have never had the courage to do before. I shall not have control over much of my daily life. Everything will come as gift. I feel privileged (and terrified) to be called to this, but not selfish.

 

[Anemone del Camino]

I like the Buddhist approach: work on yourself and benefit others. @Martha Jansen , kuddos to you for doing this for yourself, and sharing this experience with your husband, enven if it was not the originà plan.
May it be a common memory to cherrish.

 

[KiwiNomad06]

...and your thoughts come and go on their own - almost meditation in which you cannot actually direct your concentration your interest, images appear and fade, lost memories suddenly surface, long forgotten old friends suddenly pop up into your mind, family now, from the past, and the future, and yes aggrevations disappointments and failures alongside best ever experiences, and a often a reassessment of life, of occupation, of why we do what we do and why we are walking in Spain at all. Glorious.

You nailed it Scruffy. I was glad I started in Le Puy, as I had more time 'alone' at the start- partly because the route was less peopled, and partly because my French needed time to get up to speed. And in my first three weeks this 'floating' of ideas was what happened for me in my mind. All the grief, resentments, lack of belief, family, friends, experiences, hardships, joys... they all popped up as my feet walked. I 'talked' to God, 'yelled' at God.... and in the end there was nothing more to say- it had all been said. And after about six weeks of walking I realised that the most important thing was to be thankful. When my feet hurt I tried to remember to be thankful for the landscape and flowers around me, the people at my side, the growing realisation that I didn't need much 'stuff'... And that lesson had time to seep deeper inside as I walked. It works in me still.
Margaret

 

[Robo]

I have been thinking that this distinction between doing something for yourself and doing something for others is a false one, when it concerns walking the camino de Santiago. When I first felt the call to pilgrimage, I thought that I was going so that God would show me, during the pilgrimage, what I was to do with the rest of my life now that I am retired. Now I see that it is more about becoming the person that God is calling me to be. I do not know how this can or will happen when I am on pilgrimage, except that I shall have to rely on God constantly in ways that I have never had the courage to do before. I shall not have control over much of my daily life. Everything will come as gift. I feel privileged (and terrified) to be called to this, but not selfish.

You will have an awesome Camino

 

[William Garza]

A wise person once asked me.
If you were in a dark room
And you had the only candle...
Would you share?
Now
I ask everyone...
Would you share?
This is leading to another question

 

[Robo]

A wise person once asked me.
If you were in a dark room
And you had the only candle...
Would you share?
Now
I ask everyone...
Would you share?
This is leading to another question

Of course. Why not?

 

[William Garza]

Same here
But what if another came up and needed a part of your candle?
And another
And another?
Would you still break off piecesof your candle?

 

[William Garza]

Ill zkip to the chase
You can only divide your candle so,many times
Before there is no more candle.

The light inside can only be divided so manybrimes,before there is nothing left to give
Then everyone is in darkness..

All you care givers,and those who care
Can only go so far,so long before there is nothing left to give,
Moral?
Keep a little light for yourself

 

[Albertagirl]

This is not an easy question. Others' needs, both those of family and of our world, can seem overwhelming and draining of our limited resources. But our candle will burn out in time. Have we done our best with our little candle to give light to the whole house? I believe that the light is not my own, so it is up to me to do my best to keep the lines of communication open to the One who is my light. For me, this involves daily prayer, communal worship and all the traditional ways of yearning towards God, one of which is pilgrimage. So I receive what I can of the light and both treasure it in my heart and share it with others. So it is all part of the same thing. The challenge is to keep the balance and keep myself renewed so that I shall have some light to share.

 

[William Garza]

That is the hard part
Keeping some for yourself
For the selfless..it is seen as greed,a contempt for the whole

But how do you go on as you are always leaking?
Its ok to. hold some light back
Because it means you can keep on giving,longer and feel better about your self.

Camino is.
I had my own personal reasons,for first taking to my first roads
After giving my best,my all and for naught
There was a vasty emptyness inside.
If i had not kept a tinyest of spark for myself
I wouldnt be here.

The road will always give back
As the miles burn away the vestiges of ego, anger and frustration at/for/of life
You find yourself scoured clean,inside and out
And when you empty the vessel
You beautiful evanecent light bursts forth
The sea inside quiets
The roar of silence is deafened
Love finds its way back

I hope each and every wonderful and wondrous "you's" find the light again
Its not easy
But it is golden and nourishing and fills you brimming.

Colleen, i hope your footsteps grow light and find you in peacefilled roads
Alberta girl
The light will find you

All of you Peregrinos
Each and every one
Be Blessed

 

[Oztrekker]

I agree, i petsonaly believe the camono is about letting things go.

Huming songs us a goid state of mind.

I was humming three little birds by bob marley and lesbian seagull the other day. The previous day i was sick from having had to deal with a challenging pilgrim.

So yes colleen you are correct let the anger go and the adrenalines dissipate.

These things will pass, and i pray that some soul burdens you have will never return. That your next camino will give you permanent positive change.

 

[Robo]

Same here
But what if another came up and needed a part of your candle?
And another
And another?
Would you still break off piecesof your candle?

I wasn't thinking of the need to break the candle to share it's light. But to gather around the candle to share the light........

 

[William Garza]

I wasn't thinking of the need to break the candle to share it's light. But to gather around the candle to share the light........

You were way ahead,of me when the question was posed to me
You hit it on the head!

 

[Linda Fantillo]

Hey, Colleen - somewhere I read recently - the following Quote - "Sometimes you have to do what's best for you and your life - not what's best for everyone else." Having done the Camino Frances last September/October/14, and looking forward to planning for September/October/16, there are many people who do not understand why I would want to do it at all, let alone again, my own husband included. I can only say that there were many different answers to thoughts and and experiences and I didn't even ask the questions! The Camino has a way of providing what you didn't even realize you needed. So I say, embrace this time for you and take each day as it comes. Enjoy, gal!!
Linda

 

[Robo]

Ah now, Martha. I am going to take my time, I'm the slow one everyone will pass, so you will eventually catch up with me, since you have an agenda with your husband. We hesitate to say we are doing something for ourselves, but WHY? For all the times we did for others, we are allowed to be selfish once. And I have to ask, is it really selfish if, when we walk and become a better person in the world, we are making the world better?

In 40 days I did not meet one Pilgrim who walked slower than me

But Hey. Slow is good! There is too much to see, hear, sense, feel and reflect on as you walk. Rushing is so pointless

 

[ricitosdeplata]

ColleenClark, if I'm remembering correctly you are a very nurturing person to your family and that you have experienced a recent loss. Anybody who is a caregiver needs to take time for themselves. I don't know if this is your case but I found myself at my ropes end while dealing with my father with dementia and helping my 92 year old mother. I think I would have had to start seeing a psychiatrist if I didn't get any help from my sisters. I had to be very clear about what I needed and even become a broken record. I have had to learn not to feel guilty for taking the time to go on this camino.

 

[Coleen Clark]

ColleenClark, if I'm remembering correctly you are a very nurturing person to your family and that you have experienced a recent loss. Anybody who is a caregiver needs to take time for themselves. I don't know if this is your case but I found myself at my ropes end while dealing with my father with dementia and helping my 92 year old mother. I think I would have had to start seeing a psychiatrist if I didn't get any help from my sisters. I had to be very clear about what I needed and even become a broken record. I have had to learn not to feel guilty for taking the time to go on this camino.

I fell into the trap of helping people and giving my best and all, expecting they would reciprocate in turn, not understanding that people who take constantly have nothing to offer. My Camino will help me center and focus, teach me a new way to pray for strength, and allow me to differentiate between need and greed and permit me to get off the crazy train. Dysfunction Junction you've got gumption.

 

[ricitosdeplata]

Maybe they do have something to offer . You just need to step back and let them. And don't expect them to be happy as they have to do more. But they might find the experience rewarding.

My sisters all came to help when Dad was dying and was in hospice at home. Those of us who did the bulk of the work became closer and wouldn't have traded the experience of all the beautiful final moments we had with Dad.

For the 53 days I'm gone my 5 sisters will be taking care of Mom. I think this will be an opportunity for them to enjoy Mom in a way that just a few hours visit can't provide.

 

[vgen5122]

Oh no! Nothing on the Camino has me fuming (yet). I don't start walking until Aug3. Everything that is on my Camino I bring with me, and although I really don't want to bring anything "bad", we are not perfect, and parts of me need the walk more than other parts. My attitude needs it. My knees don't. My spirit really needs it, it's been drained by taking care of others. My fat behind needs it. I will try not to leave big puddles of regret, meanness, and grouchiness for other Pilgrims to step in, but I am hoping to shed it all as I walk. (watch your step, pal)

You may find that you bring everything you felt at home with you to the Camino. As you start walking
those things become very heavy. You may find that you have to let them go and be free of them in order to lighten your load.
Before I walked the Camino I believed that the walk itself would be my penance, since I was not really a walker. While I was on the Camino my feet started to swell inside my perfectly fitted hiking shoes. (Always buy one size bigger) This began the start of very tender foot injuries. Despite these injuries I had to keep on going. I had come from California. I was not going home without completing the pilgrimage. It was painful and these injuries slowed me down to about 15km per day. It was These feet problems became my real penance not what I had expected at all. Although I was hurting, and my walking pace slow, It gave me time to enjoy this wonderful journey. Buen Camino.

 

[Kerstinh47]

Coleen -
I loved this post. Thank you. I also read a bit closer and discovered that you're somewhat of a neighbor - I'm in the Sandhills of NC.
I agonized before buying my tickets - my dad had been ill over and over, and it felt like I might somehow abandon both my mom and dad (during my future camino) even though I knew that my dad was very supportive of my desire to do a pilgrimage. In the end, I bought the ticket and thought Que Sera Sera. My dad didn't make it until my departure date, sadly, and moments of my camino were dedicated to very recent grief, something you can't measure the weight of as you get your pack ready.
I made him (and me) two different crosses in fences along The Way and cried my heart out - Love and Spirit were right there with me. I also found that quiet walking led to big smiles and hearty laughs in the middle of nowhere, by myself, remembering some beautiful moments with my dad.
The internal burdens have a way of untangling themselves very gracefully in my experience as one walks - far more graceful than I with my blistered gait
Buen Camino!

 

[viv1959]

That is the hard part
Keeping some for yourself
For the selfless..it is seen as greed,a contempt for the whole

But how do you go on as you are always leaking?
Its ok to. hold some light back
Because it means you can keep on giving,longer and feel better about your self.

Camino is.
I had my own personal reasons,for first taking to my first roads
After giving my best,my all and for naught
There was a vasty emptyness inside.
If i had not kept a tinyest of spark for myself
I wouldnt be here.

The road will always give back
As the miles burn away the vestiges of ego, anger and frustration at/for/of life
You find yourself scoured clean,inside and out
And when you empty the vessel
You beautiful evanecent light bursts forth
The sea inside quiets
The roar of silence is deafened
Love finds its way back

I hope each and every wonderful and wondrous "you's" find the light again
Its not easy
But it is golden and nourishing and fills you brimming.

Colleen, i hope your footsteps grow light and find you in peacefilled roads
Alberta girl
The light will find you

All of you Peregrinos
Each and every one
Be Blessed

Thank you, somehow you have just managed to describe my Camino, which I finished exactly 12 months ago. I fear my light has faded a little as I think back on my walk, your post reminded me it is still there.

 

[William Garza]

One Key
Leave that which weighs you down
Bye the way
Let it be burned away in the fire of trial
As you get closer to a...or the..truth of it,
The burden on your soul will scream selfishly to not be put down..it was...important once.
Familiar
Worn a groove into the deep of you
Remember the root causes..it whispers seductively

Light will burn away all doubt and fear
Laying yourself open to vulnerability,to accepting that its ok to hurt
It didnt kill you
But look at the scars
Easily visible to kindred and kith

Your light
Your very own light
Only you can extinguish it.

Let the road take you
Its ok
Letting go and learning your strength
Remembering your Faith
Hope follows right behind
Love..the last to go,the last to return.

Where. there is Faith
There is Hope
Where there is Hope
There is Love
Where there is Love
There is Strength
Where there is Strength
There is Peace.

I will see you one day
Out there
Somewhere on the Road
Steps anew
A...secret smile,like a butterflys kiss
The other Pelegrinoss,will smile,inside,outside and with you
Some,already have no?
Bet you didnt know why

I
I know why the Pilgrim smiles
So do you.

Viv,Colleen,
Each and every one of you on the Road
I hope you remember the inner smile
Peace onto you all

 

[Coleen Clark]

Coleen -
I loved this post. Thank you. I also read a bit closer and discovered that you're somewhat of a neighbor - I'm in the Sandhills of NC.
I agonized before buying my tickets - my dad had been ill over and over, and it felt like I might somehow abandon both my mom and dad (during my future camino) even though I knew that my dad was very supportive of my desire to do a pilgrimage. In the end, I bought the ticket and thought Que Sera Sera. My dad didn't make it until my departure date, sadly, and moments of my camino were dedicated to very recent grief, something you can't measure the weight of as you get your pack ready.
I made him (and me) two different crosses in fences along The Way and cried my heart out - Love and Spirit were right there with me. I also found that quiet walking led to big smiles and hearty laughs in the middle of nowhere, by myself, remembering some beautiful moments with my dad.
The internal burdens have a way of untangling themselves very gracefully in my experience as one walks - far more graceful than I with my blistered gait
Buen Camino!

Neighbor! Can I borrow a cup of Red Wine?
My home is nowhere right now. I sold my house in Alabama to buy an RV and travel, and when my little sister got sick I sold that and grabbed an apartment. When I leave for Camino July 27th I am letting the apartment go, so I will be an old homeless bag lady (it's a designer bag, does that make a difference?) trying to figure out where I want to settle afterwards, or even IF I want to settle.

 

[Vincentayd]

Colleen,
You begin your Camino with your head, it ends in your heart. When you arrive at the Cathedral you will understand. Buen Camino!

 

[Albertagirl]

Neighbor! Can I borrow a cup of Red Wine?
My home is nowhere right now. I sold my house in Alabama to buy an RV and travel, and when my little sister got sick I sold that and grabbed an apartment. When I leave for Camino July 27th I am letting the apartment go, so I will be an old homeless bag lady (it's a designer bag, does that make a difference?) trying to figure out where I want to settle afterwards, or even IF I want to settle.

Coleen, you have just shown me that my life, which seems impossible right now for family and health reasons, is a lot simpler than yours. However I get out of my current complications and health issues, I still have a home to go back to. If you have resources (the designer bag has something in it) you will settle or move on as the Spirit moves you. But that degree of uncertainty is challenging to face. I think that I shall keep both of us in my prayers.

 

[Coleen Clark]

Colleen,
You begin your Camino with your head, it ends in your heart. When you arrive at the Cathedral you will understand. Buen Camino!

Oh I hope so! Oh I hope so! When nothing makes sense to me I'm probably not looking, because when I don't look, I can't see.

 

[smj6]

...I was thrilled that I was doing this "alone" but now my husband will be joining me for the last 100 km; which means giving up the fun of the albergues for meeting new friends in exchange for private rooms in Pensions since he's not good with shared spaces. But I am glad that he has decided to join me ...

I have similar feelings as you, @Martha Jansen. I wanted to go by myself & go with the flow but, having worked overseas in non-family duty stations for the past decade, I know it would be wrong of me to spend more 'me' time on the Camino alone. I also hope my husband will get something out of this pilgrimage & help him empathise more with others & dwell less on material issues. This means not starting at Le Puy as I'd wanted, not even at SJPDP, but probably at Pamplona. It also means using private pensions because he wouldn't accept albergues with shared sleeping quarters & washing areas. It also means delaying the start by six months & going in spring 2016. But I pray that the shared experience will be good for us both.
I wish you & your husband a wonderful Camino.
Suzanne

 

[Coleen Clark]

Sometimes when I'm having a meal alone in a restaurant I will feel envious of couples laughing and talking, and miss being part of a couple. Or when I see something fantastic I want to share with someone ... but then it's 2 am and I'm up having a bowl of raisin bran and watching Downton Abbey reruns and not worrying about waking anyone or bothering anyone and I think "Yeah. Not bad." So for people in a relationship, I am glad for you and hope you are enjoying every minute. I know I did. And for singles like me, embrace your individuality. Throw stuff in your shopping basket you like and (silently) say "you're not the boss of me" to anyone who spies your Oreos.