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considering canceling my trip :(

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Camino Frances topics' started by MrsBath, Mar 18, 2017 at 3:56 PM.

  1. Doogman

    Doogman Active Member Donating Member

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    Camino(s) past & future:
    Camino Le Puy (2011, 2014, 2015)
    Camino Portuguese (2013)
    Portuguese Coastal Way (2016)
    You have received some excellent advice from many different sources here, but the one line that likely rings true for many of us comes from @Mike Savage: "..... I don't recall regretting things I have done but only things that I have not done."
     
    piggyhinton, Robo and trecile like this.
  2. MrsBath

    MrsBath New Member

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    First-time Camino walker! Starting Camino Frances mid-May.
    Your story is not unrelated! I could tell a similar story, but I only drove 4 hours to the camping trip I bailed on after one night. And I don't regret bailing, I regret not listening to my gut and going on a trip I didn't want to take. I have since gone on many camping trips that I haven't bailed on -- I didn't, like, ruin camping for myself by not going on that one trip, lol.

    Honestly I am not usually like this! This level of anxiety and trepidation is not usual for me, especially over something like a trip.
     
  3. SueWhaits

    SueWhaits New Member Donating Member

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    Thank you for sharing this! I too have been suffering with anxieties in anticipation of my first Camino....
    This has helped me breathe ....thank you
     
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  4. MrsBath

    MrsBath New Member

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    First-time Camino walker! Starting Camino Frances mid-May.
    Thank you! I said it in another reply, but I really am not usually like this - this level of anxiety is out of character for me, especially about something like a trip. Clearly I need to work some things out.

    When I started this thread I didn't think it would get so much attention. I feel a little sheepish about it now, to be honest. But everyone is so kind, and I'm grateful, and feeling a lot less panicky.
     
    notion900, HedaP, piggyhinton and 2 others like this.
  5. JSA51988

    JSA51988 New Member

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    Why don't you start at Leon and walk the rest of the way. You don't need to do the whole thing. why not start at St Jean Pied de Port and walk to Orisson, then back to the St Jean. Then take the bus to Pamplona and then bus to Burgos or Leon. Walk from there.

    Stop overthinking. Just take the step. You can do it. It is not a race and you don't have to prove anything to anyone. This is supposed to be enjoyable, do it to enjoy it. If you don't want to do it, try something else. Do an Intrepid tour of Europe or something like that. Good luck
     
    MrsBath likes this.
  6. Annie Little

    Annie Little Active Member

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    Well then you Definitely need to go !
    You said you don't know why you wanted to go .... you don't need to know ! Just Rock Up ... the why will fill itself in later ....

    Enough Talk .... Ready , Set , Go !!!

    Ultreia
    Onwards and Upwards
     
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  7. alexwalker

    alexwalker Forever Pilgrim Donating Member

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    (2009): Camino Frances
    (2011): Sevilla-Salamanca, VdlP
    (2012): Salamanca-SdC, VdlP
    (2014): SJpdP-Astorga
    (2015): Astorga-SdC
    (2016) May Pamplona-Moratinos; Sept.:Burgos-SdC
    (2016): August/Sept: Camino San Olav (Burgos-Covarubbias), Burgos-Sarria
    (2017): May: Portuguese/Ingles; Sept: Pamplona-SdC
    Mrs,

    I smile a little here. I have taken some time to read responses here, because this is much likely a real issue for newcomers on the Camino,

    You have gotten more than a fair share of responses here, both from newbies as well as from experienced pilgrims. They all urge you to walk it, more or less. Ask yourself why they are so eager for you to walk it? What do they want you to find/experience? What have they learned, that you don't know yet? Remember, none of them are in it for the money; They are simply trying to help you out.

    I will not advice you about what others have done or said, but I can say one thing: There is a reason why people are trying to help you and advice you to walk your way: They have found something there and want you to get in on/share the secret. For me, wether you walk or not, is uninteresting. You can find your way, or stay where you are. Up to you. I hope you take on the challenge of living real a little. That is what the Camino is delivering for many of us, It can be a lifechanger if your mind is receptible.

    Having said all that, I walk on happily in Spain, on different Caminos, and have a spiritual and cultural time of my life ;)

    There is your answer, I think...
     
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2017 at 12:29 AM
  8. trecile

    trecile Veteran Member Donating Member

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    July - August (2017) - Camino Frances to Leon, Salvador to Oviedo, Primitivo to Santiago and beyond...
    @MrsBath , do you think that maybe the reason that you started this thread is because you really want to be convinced to go?
     
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  9. MrsBath

    MrsBath New Member

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    First-time Camino walker! Starting Camino Frances mid-May.
    Truthfully, no. I had tied myself up into so many knots in the days before my posting that I couldn't tell if my anxiousness was about my trip, or something else. And it seemed too embarrassing to bring it up with the same people who just got finished wishing me well in my everyday life. I'm still not really sure what all this anxiety is about, but my gut is saying that it's definitely something else on top of any Camino worries.

    I think I wanted to hear other's experiences with pre-Camino worries and how it turned out for them, and get reassured that it isn't *so* terrible if I change my mind. And now I've read so many great stories, and received reassurances in abundance.

    It's more attention than I was expecting, by a lot. I thought a few people would answer, sure, but this is so much more than I expected. I was just so distressed in that moment, and I reached out to a place where people actually might know what I was talking about. Most people I've talked to in my everyday life already think it's a crazy idea, if they've even heard of it.

    I really am feeling much better now, and I will be taking my issues up with professionals. And I still have plenty of time to decide! My travel plans are all set unless I decide to change them.
     
    HedaP, Tia Valeria and Robo like this.
  10. Robo

    Robo Veteran Member Donating Member

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    Camino(s) past & future:
    CF SJPdP to SdC
    (May 2015)
    Alone.
    ------------------------------
    CF Sarria to SdC
    (May 2016)
    with my wife Pat.
    ------------------------------
    CF SJPDP-SdC
    (Apr/May 2018)
    together again :-)
    That's good to hear.... Though be aware that many of us have nothing better to do than to spend hours everyday talking about the Camino, given the slightest encouragement ;)

    Sometimes the sheer volume of responses can be a bit overwhelming..... One of the lovely aspects of this Forum.

    Don't feel awkward saying "thanks for all the encouragement, I'm off to wash my hair now" :D

    Alternatively.......I'm sure we can keep this topic going for weeks! ;)

    It's a great topic by the way......and I think by raising it you have probably helped many others with similar worries and doubts.
     
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  11. ouroboros

    ouroboros Active Member

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    Camino Portuguese Porto-Santiago (2017)
    Then again, it seems to me Mrs. Bath is just beginning to get in touch with her "backstory" as to why she is planning the Camino. Far from escapism, it sounds like she is beginning to take in the truth, the truth which might set her free to undertake a new adventure, her own adventure which will be her choice to make of her own free will, under no compunction nor manipulation from anyone--family, foe or friend-- save her own desire.
    I believe that the moment we commit in good faith to walk the Camino, the Divine begins to work its healing to prepare us for the journey which indeed has already begun on the spiritual level and is filtering down to the physical level where we must wrestle with it, and integrate the healing. We have surrendered to the process, which is the most important thing, and which paves the way for the miraculous to unfold.
    There were countless miracles, both great and small, which paved the way for me to walk the Way, (one of which involved five hours in the dentist chair just days before my departure to deal with an abscessed tooth which would have been a nightmare had it happened on the Camino). If you can lay aside your doubts, and find a state of pure wonder and trust, the miracles will begin to pour into your life and you will see them for what they are. They already have begun, it sounds, from the insights you are receiving now.
    Blessings!
     
    Robo likes this.
  12. Lisa62

    Lisa62 New Member

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    Hi Mrs Bath. My husband and I walked the Camino Frances in September 2014. I was so excited to be on this adventure until the day we were travelling to St Jean. I spent the day in tears with my stomach churning and feeling physically sick. We slept that night and started out the next morning, my husband taking it in his stride and me feeling no better. The first hill out of St Jean, I was ready to give up and go home.

    But, the saying that every journey begins with a single step is so true. You put one foot in front of the other and before you know it, you've moved up the road. You walk to the next tree and rest and when the day is done you have reached a destination.

    There is always the luxury of transporting your luggage to your next destination or taking a form of transport if you need or want.

    We walked at my pace, that is slow and we even had to rest for 2 days as I hurt my back but we made it. We may not have done it in style or as quick as others but we finished at the same destination as everyone else that was heading to Santiago.

    The most wonderful thing is the people you meet, they understand what you are going through, they get what you are doing and are so supportive. It is this that is calling us again. We are walking the Portuguese Camino this September and while I have no illusions that it will be any physically easier for me, it will be emotionally and mentally.

    Try and put your anxieties in perspective and take that first step, you'll be so glad you did.

    Buen Camino.
     
    Alan Pearce likes this.
  13. Micah26

    Micah26 Member

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    Planning my first next spring
    Dear Mrs Bath,

    Well it seems like there are many reasons not to walk the Camino, as well as, many reasons to do so.

    I have been planning my first, to start at some unknown date, as I will walk after my mother dies. I have been learning Spanish, picking up things here and there, walking more, even watching movies and utube with my mother. She asked if I was excited- yes I am, but no I'm not, because it will mean my mother has died. I will carry a stone for her and the ashes of my best friend Nancy who died of cancer this past April.

    And I will walk because I need to. I need to be away on my own after caring for these two wonderful women for the last four years. They have taught me how to live with grace, how to manage with great pain, and how to die with dignity. And I will walk knowing how incredibly blessed I am being able to make this small gesture in memory of them and for me.

    I don't worry if I will finish just that I go and try. I had a stroke a few years ago wasn't supposed to walk again, but I do. I might be the slowest, it just might not be possible for me, but I will try.

    I grew up in a family as the youngest. My parents wanted a boy I was a great disappointment. In many ways, I was reminded that I couldn't or should' do something because I was a girl or not old enough or strong enough or just being silly. A lot of negative messages both verbally and physically delivered time and again.

    Now I am an adult and all that family stuff made me a psychotherapist specializing in trauma! So you have anxiety, doubts, second thoughts? Yup most people do when they try something new different when perhaps they've always been told they can't. Medication helps, therapy helps. But, I think the two things that help anxiety and doubt are breathing... really deep breathing meditation and walking. ( And of course animals!)

    If you can't go for physical reasons, only you can decide. Maybe you can't do it alone like you wanted but need help with transporting your bags or you or both. Sounds like you know all the parts of what this is that is blocking your way.

    Your life your decision, but you are already on the Way!
     
  14. William Garza

    William Garza Active Member

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    Camino Frances, The Jakobsweg
    The funny things about any road or path???
    You get out of bed,put your feets on the floor..and there it is.

    Getting out of bed can be an ordeal
    Walking to the loo...
    The kitchen..
    Ohh, so yeah want to scratch the kitten eh?

    One step forward and there you are
    Moving
    And so you will
     
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  15. kinnear

    kinnear Member

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  16. kinnear

    kinnear Member

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    Hi there
    Just to add my bit. I walked from Logrono ten years ago when I was 58 and plan to walk Solo from SJPDP in September. I've gone through a range of emotions and also thought several months ago to give up the idea. It is a big expense to fly from New Zealand and I'm about to retire so finances are an issue. My renewed motivation came after decided to book a flight to Paris. I "smalled" it down. " I'm going to PARIS!!" Next I booked Orisson .... one step at a time. Now I have a flexible return flight booked 60 days later and accommodation in SJPDP. Who knows I may get to Santiago...Finis Terre. . I do know I'm going to Paris. Take heart.
     
  17. angeliki louk

    angeliki louk Active Member

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    July 2014 camino Frances.
    June 2015 Camino north
    Camino primitivo
    Hallo!!! I believe that everyone was scared before taking the first step and that's normal and that's what happens in all new thing that we do in life.....
    It's your feelings and your camino so no one can tell you what do or not.....I will just tell you my personal feeling that the Camino is something that I think of everyday and maybe the best thing that I have done for myself.......if you have everything ready don't be affraid it's just the first step that's hard then you will adjust the camino to what you can or can't....it's a life time experience I believe for everyone!!!! Don't miss it.....
    And even if you don't know the reason...,don't worry would will discover it there....or when you are back!!!
    Hope you walk this beautiful and magical way!!!
    Buon camino...
     
  18. Jules67

    Jules67 Starting my Camino April 2017

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    How inspiring. Thanks Jim
     
  19. HeidiL

    HeidiL Active Member Donating Member

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    Camino Francés (first part in 2004), Via de la Plata (to Calzada de Bejar), C. Portugués, C. de Madrid (first bit in 2015, finishing in 2017), started C. de Levante December 2015, hospitalera in Grado (C. Primitivo) 2016.
    I was terrified the night before our first Camino. I couldn't sleep, was halfway convinced we were doing a great mistake.

    I still can't sleep the night before a Camino. (Hell, who am I fooling? I wake up in the middle of the night the last MONTH before each Camino - because I am so very much looking forward to starting again.)

    If your Camino is 10 km of walking followed by a bus tour of Spain (we can recommend some lovely places to stop), then that's fine. But I hope you will give yourself this Camino, however far you actually walk.

    (Pre-training is overrated!)
     
  20. FeatherG

    FeatherG New Member

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    Camino(s) past & future:
    Portuguese Route (last 100+kms) (2011)
    Finisterre Route (2012)
    French Way (first 100+ kms) (2014)
    Northern Coastal Route (first 100+kms) (2015)
    French Way (last 100+kms) (2017)
    Hello Mrs B,
    So sorry about the anxiety you are feeling. There must have been 'something' that 'called you' to plan your Camino? Lots of people hear about it, but not everyone books it, buys all the stuff, and trains for it. You Did All That. Could it be your inner child, wanting you to do something ... just for You? All these people that are 'discouraging' you, .. do they know you? the real you? Do they know themselves? I agree with Mike S, and would love Everyone to try it. It's such an 'interesting' journey, ... on so many levels. I have only done different stages of the various Ways. Each of the 4 trips were different, ... but incredible. I would love to have a job that would allow me the time off to do the full trip, ... but it's on my 'retirement bucket list' ... and I can't wait! I think, with the presence of mind you're in, the Camino would be a good option. If your doc says your back is ok, .. I mean you can't lift and carry if your back is sore, ... but if it's just the anxiety, ... I doubt there's anyone who hasn't felt anxious before the Camino. I'm doing my fist 'solo' trip next month; before I've always done groups, ... big and small. But I am soo excited, (& yeah, a bit nervous) ... because you are only 'solo' on the Camino when you choose to be. I can't explain the 'comraderie' that exists on the Camino (& yes, there'll be blisters too!) You will meet so many people, in so many different 'life scenarios' ... and you will 'share', ... if, what, and when, you want. I really do hope you go ahead. The phrase 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway' comes to mind. But, whatever you decide, try not to put to0 much pressure on yourself. Life is a journey, ... and you should enjoy the trip. Some people prefer to stay in one place, ... but I think it's nice to venture out a bit, ... and see who and what is out there. Home will always be there Mrs B. Buen Camino!
     
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  21. Edward Reardon

    Edward Reardon Road King

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    CF fall (2017)
    Dear Mrs. Bath,
    Forgive me if I'm redundant as I didn't have time to read all the previous posts but I felt I had to reply.
    I've been wanting to walk the Camino for over ten years but always came up with a reason to postpone it. Being a business owner every decision I've made over the years has always been analyzed over and over again to to ensure the possibility of a favorable outcome.
    Again this year after saying I'm definitely walking the Camino the doubts began to reemerge until while traveling down interstate 95 a big rig pulled right in front of me. Written across the back of his trailer was "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar like eagles." Isaiah 40:31
    In all the years I have travelled on highways I have never seen a bible verse on a trailer.
    Thanks to the trucker from Indiana I will be walking this fall. Just keep thinking what really is the worst that can happen and it turns out it is not really that bad.
    All I know is I would rather try and fail than not try at all and have to live with regrets. I already have too many of those.
    Best of luck,
    Ed
     
  22. piggyhinton

    piggyhinton New Member

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    So true, the biggest regrets of all are the things you did not do and when you arrive at Santiago the buzz you get is like nothing else! Carpe deum, and (the title of a book I read) "Tomorrow is too late"
     
  23. piggyhinton

    piggyhinton New Member

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    If you do not have anyone to talk to, come and talk to your fellow pilgrims as you walk, if after a week you dont want to carry on, just fly home, then you will not spend the rest of your life thinking "what if?" I start my 2nd Camino in April, I have Parkinsons disease, sometimes I shake so much I cant hold a spoon! but I wont let it stop me, if I cant hold a spoon - I'll have sandwiches! Carpe deum and Buen Camino
     
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  24. Alicemc

    Alicemc New Member Donating Member

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    Thanks @trecile I hadn't even thought to check FB for similar groups; I'm definitely not going to pull out this close (start on Friday) but, like @MrsBath have anxieties about certain aspects of the walk, one of which is walking alone - I've already sent off my request to join the group and look forward to meeting lots of fantabulous women (and of course fellas) along the way :)
     
  25. Hutton24

    Hutton24 Member

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    Camino Frances April 2017
    I was originally planning to be there the same time. I will be in SJPP on April 19 now.
     
  26. Paddington Bear

    Paddington Bear New Member

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  27. piggyhinton

    piggyhinton New Member

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    I agree, the "magic" of the camino is working already and you haven't even started walking yet!!!
     
  28. PlutseligPilegrim

    PlutseligPilegrim Frances 8/6 2016, El Norte 1/1 2017

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    I think you hit a common nerve.....the difference is that most peregrinos deal with dileberations of doubt AFTER they've gone off...

    My first camino was truly saved by fellow, kindhearted walkers....((i'm forever in debt Carlo/Sylvia))....it would have ended in Burgos without them....

    Soooo..... it's all natural reactions, it's all within anyone...it's a part of the script called Camino de Santiago ...a loooong historic line which you allready is a part of with your open mind/sharing....

    Buen Camino!
     
    HedaP likes this.
  29. Chuck Cunningham

    Chuck Cunningham New Member

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    I am no doctor and I cannot speak for your health issues but I can definitely relate with the anxiety issues. I am a somewhat seasoned hiker , 70 yrs. old and I can think of a ton of reasons to worry I fuss over some things until I say "The hell with it" and get on with it.. It was that way when I started the AT years back. I really think that prehike anxiety is a normal thing I think once you take that first couple of steps you will be glad you went. Believe me you will not be alone. There will be tons of people and tons of help should you need it. I plan on going and walk my own walk. I don't care how fast or how far I go each day. My airline ticket is for 90 days so I can basically "stroll" my way along taking my sweet time. I I happen to really like a town I will take some rest and relaxation days there. The older I get I realize there are only so many hiking seasons left and I won't be any easier next year. So, I would play it safe to a point. Ask your doctor what he/she thinks. If doc gives you the go ahead then the rest is up to you but. PLEASE don't let fear and anxiety hold you back. I guarantee you they will disapate soon and you will wonder what the hell you were so afraid of. I think that if you are healthy enough and don't go you will regret it.
     
  30. notion900

    notion900 Active Member

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    Camino(s) past & future:
    Camino Frances SJPDP to Santiago (2007). Camino del Norte Santander to Colunga (2010). Via de la Plata Sevilla to Villafranca de los Barros (2014). Camino Primitivo x Camino del Norte Salas to Santiago (2016).
    I am not really a 'selfie' person but I wanted to post a photo for all you nervous people. It's to demonstrate how soon you will feel On your Way and Not Nervous. Context: I arrived at Bayonne airport alone. I saw a girl with a backpack and said 'Hi, are you going all the way?' as a kind of introduction and joke. She said yes. We hung out in Bayonne for an hour or two, had a beer, got the bus to SJPP, had communal dinner with a whole bunch of pilgrims, which was really lovely. Got up super early next day to set off, and the photo was taken in the morning mist as we are just on our way over the bridge out of SJPP. It's 6am and WE HAVE NOT EVEN WALKED ANYWHERE YET but take a look at the looks on our faces:

    P1000072.JPG
    And shout out to dear Natascha, who I walked with for a week, and am still in touch with 10 years later.
     
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2017 at 12:11 AM
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  31. Glenn Rowe

    Glenn Rowe Enjoying the outdoors since 1957

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    Camino(s) past & future:
    My wife, brother-in-law and I will walk it in the fall of (2019)
    In a word, "EXCELLENT!" I believe you're pretty-much aware of what's going on inside your head -- IF you take the time to listen.

    I am a newbie to the Camino but not to the human mind and heart. As Doctor Phil once said, "I have more degrees than a thermometer." (Well, only 3 degrees, but nearly 40 certifications.:cool:)

    Your challenge - your quest - your "mental Camino" if you will - has already begun. I simply urge you to begin resolving the issues of your "mental Camino" before beginning the physical/spiritual one. And, like many others, I also urge you to undertake your physical/spiritual Camino as part of the overall process -- but don't rush into it. Only you and your professional advisors can determine when -- or indeed, if.

    Please keep us posted.

    -- Glenn
     
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2017 at 6:57 PM
  32. Chuck Cunningham

    Chuck Cunningham New Member

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    Walking alone will be one of the least of your worries.
    When I was younger I would jump off a cliff and then look down to see if there was any water there. now that I am 70 i find that fear and anxiety want to creep into almost every adventure i want to do and sabotage it before it ever really gets off the ground. i figured I can stay afraid, anxious and overly cautious and sit on the couch the rest of my life and die safe and bored to hell. I have decided to quit letting fear run my life. If I go to France and don't like the camino, they i will bum around, see some things i have never seen before and come home, no harm, no foul. A friend, to add to the fray, asked me if i wan't afraid to fly and go to a foreign country with all the terrorist stuff going and told him I almost got whacked the other day pulling out in front of a huge lumber truck about 1/8 of a mile from where i live. Thank God the truck driver was alert and locked up his brakes, swerved and pulled off the side of the road. So there you have it. let the devil be damned. go and see what happens... you may be pleasantly surprised and i seriously doubt you will be disappointed . FEAR=False Events Appearing Real
     
  33. Glenn Rowe

    Glenn Rowe Enjoying the outdoors since 1957

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    My wife, brother-in-law and I will walk it in the fall of (2019)
    Wonderful words, Chuck -- but not in this case. MrsBath's devils (plural) are all-too-real, and to urge her to "damn the devils" is a significant disservice. Should you want to discuss this further, let's take it to a private conversation.
     
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2017 at 7:15 PM
  34. Chuck Cunningham

    Chuck Cunningham New Member

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    Point(s) well taken my friend. If I have done a disservice i sincerely apologize to Ms. Bath. only meant to help did not mean it as an affront.
     
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  35. Chuck Cunningham

    Chuck Cunningham New Member

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  36. Chuck Cunningham

    Chuck Cunningham New Member

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    I just read your the part or your post about a "private conversation I don't want to take this to a private conversation. i guess i made a mistake, unintentionally. i apologized, you made me feel bad for an honest mistake. You won, okay. Let's give it a rest . Did you read the forum rules of no personal attacks. you could have posted me privately about my sin but no. I feel humiliated publicly. Thanks for making my day. Buen Camino
     
  37. Chuck Cunningham

    Chuck Cunningham New Member

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    This is a very excellent post. Very encouraging. Tou are to be commended. i once heard that being brave is being afraid and doing it anyway.
     

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