- Time of past OR future Camino
- 2018
I served in the US Peace Corps in a country where aggressive harassment of solo women was not just tolerated, but culturally celebrated in stories, jokes and song. If you reported it to the police, they were likely to come onto you, too. I developed my own way of responding to this behavior that worked most of the time when I lived there, and I've been successful with this strategy elsewhere, too. I'm NOT saying it will prevent a rape or attack if that is the true intent of the harasser, but it seemed to diffuse many uncomfortable situations (and these are far, far more likely to happen than violent attacks) and to prevent them from escalating. Let me add that if I pulled out mace or some kind of weapon, there is no question in my mind that in most cases I would have made things much worse.
When a man would follow me, sit suggestively too close, try to touch me, not take "no" for an answer, I didn't treat them like a venomous snake I had to kill. I also didn't act submissive, fearful, embarrassed or try to be polite. But I looked them in the eye as a member of my own species who was acting in a way that was completely unacceptable.
I don't know exactly how to describe this attitude, but it involves being firm, reasonable, but not humiliating (which I think could escalate things in some instances). I even smiled and had a confident sense of humor about it if the man got too defensive (in that culture, humor went a long way in diffusing conflicts). My demeanor said, "No, you can't be serious! I can't believe you'd try something ridiculous like that. You know as well as I do that I'm not going to put up with this creepy behavior and shouldn't have to. You must think because I'm not from here that I'm weak and foolish, and I'm offended by that, too. Well, it looks like it's going to rain so I'm going to be heading out. Have a nice day."
I didn't say all this every time, but it was my attitude of confidence, no fear or overt anger, and a "I'm as surprised by how you're acting as you must be too. You're probably embarrassed, now that I've pointed it out. I wouldn't try that again, if I were you."
Maybe I was just lucky that I didn't get raped or attacked while I was there. But, as a Peace Corps volunteer, I had to walk through areas in the middle of the night (to catch a bus) that US military members stationed there were not allowed to drive through because they were considered to be too dangerous.
When a man would follow me, sit suggestively too close, try to touch me, not take "no" for an answer, I didn't treat them like a venomous snake I had to kill. I also didn't act submissive, fearful, embarrassed or try to be polite. But I looked them in the eye as a member of my own species who was acting in a way that was completely unacceptable.
I don't know exactly how to describe this attitude, but it involves being firm, reasonable, but not humiliating (which I think could escalate things in some instances). I even smiled and had a confident sense of humor about it if the man got too defensive (in that culture, humor went a long way in diffusing conflicts). My demeanor said, "No, you can't be serious! I can't believe you'd try something ridiculous like that. You know as well as I do that I'm not going to put up with this creepy behavior and shouldn't have to. You must think because I'm not from here that I'm weak and foolish, and I'm offended by that, too. Well, it looks like it's going to rain so I'm going to be heading out. Have a nice day."
I didn't say all this every time, but it was my attitude of confidence, no fear or overt anger, and a "I'm as surprised by how you're acting as you must be too. You're probably embarrassed, now that I've pointed it out. I wouldn't try that again, if I were you."
Maybe I was just lucky that I didn't get raped or attacked while I was there. But, as a Peace Corps volunteer, I had to walk through areas in the middle of the night (to catch a bus) that US military members stationed there were not allowed to drive through because they were considered to be too dangerous.
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