OK, insect top-trumps it is!
India 1996. Kerala. Mrs HtD and I have planned about three weeks of inexpensive backpacking, reliving a youth which didnāt exist, having been confined to a week in a caravan on the Isle of Man, generally.
Day 2 in the Hotel Seagull in Ernakulam, Mrs HtD glimpses part of a cockroach the size of a badger trying unsuccessfully to hide behind a rucksack.
All pretensions to easy-going hippyish Asian backpacking fell away in an instant, my Amex card was seized, a taxi called and we were sipping G&T on the manicured lawns of the 5* Malabar hotel ten minutes later. Men with sticks patrolled the grounds constantly beating seven bells out of anything which might distress the guests.
Currently Iām stalking three rats which have taken up residence in my barn. MrsHtD has been out to reason with them and give them a few days to leave of their own accord. No wonder so few Buddhists make a successful career in pest control. Meanwhile Iāve been polishing the 12-bore. Generally Iām a ālive and let liveā kind of chap, but the rats are a bit too close for comfort. Iāll give them a warning shot first.
I can't beat that Badger sized cockroach but I might best you on quantity.
Earlier in that 1980's trip we had been to Daytona Beach to watch Graeme Crosby win the Daytona 200 plus saying "Hi" to his manager, Giacomo Agostini.
After that we headed down to Miami. I had a recommendation for a backpacker type place to stay in Miami but pre-internet and pre-mobile phone we just turned up. The guy on reception said that they were fully booked but they were in the process of of developing a new wing that wasn't yet ready but they could do us a good price if we were prepared to accept it as-is.
I should have known better but always a bit of a sucker for a bargain we accepted. As we walked towards the "undeveloped" wing he mentioned that he had set off a bug bomb the day before.
He opened the door, ushered us through and then before he closed it behind us he said, "don't worry I haven't bombed your room yet so no problems with toxic substances".
I soon understood why. The floor was carpeted with dead and dieing cockroaches. As we walked they crunched under our feet. There were so many that it was impossible to avoid them.
We walked past the kitchen area on the way to our room and I began to understand why there were so many cockroaches. The prior residents had never cleaned up after eating. They had just left their rubbish and walked out.
I don't think that I had heard of bedbugs in those days or we might not have been game to stay the night but we were Kiwis and we could take a bit of third-world stuff and in any case the cockroaches must have scared any bedbugs away because we never saw any.
It was a restless night and we woke often to hear that rustling/skritching sound that cockroaches make but I didn't notice any crawling across the bed and we were thankful for that.
We headed off the next day in our hire car to explore the quays. On the return to Miami we decided to spend a bit more and go slightly more upmarket.
