Hot and Cold

[Camino Ky]

I am running hot and cold. Some days I am passionately keen to do my first Camino next year (usually when working). Now I have no desire at all (Christmas holidays have started). I believe it is a decision only I can make, but I am driving my self insane with this indecision. I have searched forum and read the 'is the camino an escape' post still no answer. I guess I let things happen this however needs some proactive organisation. Feel like I am going a bit crazy I am sure I would enjoy it, I like being active and have (years ago) done a fair amount of OS travel, yet I keep hesitating.

 

[SYates]

You will know when the time for you has come to do the Camino ;-) Most likely when the days get longer and warmer, that is when I get always itchy feet. Buen Camino, SY

 

[Aidan21]

Can you imagine some point far into the future when you are no longer fit and able and are looking back over your life. Thinking of the things you did and the things you did not. They say we regret the things we do not do more than the things we do. I know it is true for me. So I say if the Camino is taking up so much personal time and energy that the decision to stay or go is driving you insane, I say that you need to go. Make sure you do not live the rest of your life wondering if it was for you or not, or regreting the fact that you did not take the opportunity when you had the chance. Grab life with both hands when you can and accept what comes your way. But of course it is always your decision. Buen camino.
Aidan

 

[mspath]

I totally agree with Aidan21 and especially so now that I am 76!
Carpe Diem.

MM

 

[Kitsambler]

I am running hot and cold, yet I keep hesitating.

There are so many facets of life that look like this - an upcoming decision, an ambiguous future, with no certainty as to the actual details. (Come now, if we knew how the book would end, would we bother reading it?) Perhaps it helps to take the approach of "Living as if ..." So, whether you're going to seminary or not, serve as a lay minister, expand your reading, deepen your prayer life: all those things you would be doing if you were for sure going to do it. If you're walking the Camino this year or not, get the guide books, start planning stages, research the towns along your route, and lay out a training program that keeps you moving over the winter and has you in shape by spring. "Living as if" costs very little and can yield so much in the way of preparing you for that fork in the road that's coming up.

 

[nalod]

Do it.
Enjoy.

 

[jumpingin2014]

Is it possible you could plan a shorter portion of the Camino you are planning - that can be extended? A few weeks on the Camino is more than enough to see if it will be worth for you. You can also go back and finish when you get the chance. This would avoid the risk of planning and expending resources for a 35 day Camino Frances (for example) and get 10 days into it and realize it is not for you.

Buen Camino

Mark

 

[Former member 42123]

I am running hot and cold. Some days I am passionately keen to do my first Camino next year (usually when working). Now I have no desire at all (Christmas holidays have started). I believe it is a decision only I can make, but I am driving my self insane with this indecision. I have searched forum and read the 'is the camino an escape' post still no answer. I guess I let things happen this however needs some proactive organisation. Feel like I am going a bit crazy I am sure I would enjoy it, I like being active and have (years ago) done a fair amount of OS travel, yet I keep hesitating.

I am running hot and cold. Some days I am passionately keen to do my first Camino next year (usually when working). Now I have no desire at all (Christmas holidays have started). I believe it is a decision only I can make, but I am driving my self insane with this indecision. I have searched forum and read the 'is the camino an escape' post still no answer. I guess I let things happen this however needs some proactive organisation. Feel like I am going a bit crazy I am sure I would enjoy it, I like being active and have (years ago) done a fair amount of OS travel, yet I keep hesitating.

To go will bring memories that last a lifetime.
To not go risks bringing regrets. Go for it.

 

[Ekelund]

Hi Camino Ky, when I left my home in Copenhagen for my first caminowalk - The Camino Frances - in 2005, I was crying. It was 5 o'clock in the morning, I was going to the airport and I did not know anything about the camino. I did not want to go. In 2005 there was not that much information on the Internet and I did not have a clue of what was going to happen except that I would be walking a lot. When I decided to go in February 2005 it seemed like a good idea but that morning in June, when I left, I was devastated. Oh my, what had I gotten myself into? I was scared!
And what happened? I loved it. From my first minute in Spain, I meet good people, I got into the tapas, I enjoyed the walking and it was fabulous.
And now I'm planning my fourth Camino - the Camino del Norte - and I can't wait to go and I have to wait another seven months.

You have to look into yourself - are you ready for the adventure, the not knowing what is going to happen. Letting go of your comfort zone, see what happens and deal with it. Meeting wonderful people, making new friends, enjoy splendid walking maybe with a blister or two. Carrying your belongings on your back.
Maybe you are not ready yet.

Let us know what you decide. I'm curious - and if you go, let us know how your Camino goes.

The best to you.

 

[Camino Ky]

Can you imagine some point far into the future when you are no longer fit and able and are looking back over your life. Thinking of the things you did and the things you did not. They say we regret the things we do not do more than the things we do. I know it is true for me. So I say if the Camino is taking up so much personal time and energy that the decision to stay or go is driving you insane, I say that you need to go. Make sure you do not live the rest of your life wondering if it was for you or not, or regreting the fact that you did not take the opportunity when you had the chance. Grab life with both hands when you can and accept what comes your way. But of course it is always your decision. Buen camino.
Aidan

Thanks Aiden, yes somewhere along the way I have become very conservative and lost my drive for adventure which I used to thrive on. I know I love the idea of it.

 

[Camino Ky]

Hi Camino Ky, when I left my home in Copenhagen for my first caminowalk - The Camino Frances - in 2005, I was crying. It was 5 o'clock in the morning, I was going to the airport and I did not know anything about the camino. I did not want to go. In 2005 there was not that much information on the Internet and I did not have a clue of what was going to happen except that I would be walking a lot. When I decided to go in February 2005 it seemed like a good idea but that morning in June, when I left, I was devastated. Oh my, what had I gotten myself into? I was scared!
And what happened? I loved it. From my first minute in Spain, I meet good people, I got into the tapas, I enjoyed the walking and it was fabulous.
And now I'm planning my fourth Camino - the Camino del Norte - and I can't wait to go and I have to wait another seven months.

You have to look into yourself - are you ready for the adventure, the not knowing what is going to happen. Letting go of your comfort zone, see what happens and deal with it. Meeting wonderful people, making new friends, enjoy splendid walking maybe with a blister or two. Carrying your belongings on your back.
Maybe you are not ready yet.

Let us know what you decide. I'm curious - and if you go, let us know how your Camino goes.

The best to you.

Thanks Eklund, I think I have read just about every book and my sister has done 2 caminos so I feel equipped with info and I love hiking. A few weeks ago I was bursting to go so I thought I was ready but now plagued with indecision. I have to decide soon if I want to do it in Spring! Probably just need to close my eyes now and jump.

 

[SYates]

Jump!

 

[Camino Ky]

Thanks everybody for the positive comments. It is nice for the understanding. I love planning and have done a lot. Now just need to do I suppose.

 

[Camino Ky]

Jump!

 

[Angie94]

I am running hot and cold.

Well I have certainly had some of those SAME kind of days...my first camino will be in May/June 2016 and some days I think "what the hell am I doing??" and some days it can't get here soon enough. But after reading all these posts (thanks to all who replied to Camino Ky) my decision has been made and I will buy my airline ticket and make the commitment. These forums have been invaluable. I am EXCITED!! I especially like the perspective of getting older and looking back over my life and having tremendous regret of not doing it. (besides I have to go now...I already mentioned it to all my grandkiddos and they are super jazzed about it and even impressed - and you know how hard it is to impress young ones today! haha!) Angie C.

 

[Camino Ky]

Well I have certainly had some of those SAME kind of days...my first camino will be in May/June 2016 and some days I think "what the hell am I doing??" and some days it can't get here soon enough. But after reading all these posts (thanks to all who replied to Camino Ky) my decision has been made and I will buy my airline ticket and make the commitment. These forums have been invaluable. I am EXCITED!! I especially like the perspective of getting older and looking back over my life and having tremendous regret of not doing it. (besides I have to go now...I already mentioned it to all my grandkiddos and they are super jazzed about it and even impressed - and you know how hard it is to impress young ones today! haha!) Angie C.

Thanks Angie C. For sharing your thoughts and feelings which have some similarities to mine. I agree with the leave no stone unturned no regrets ideology which is why my hesitation is confusing, even annoying. I have been planning for mid to late April start. Time has come to make my mind up. All the best for your plans Angie and I would like to wish you a buen camino.

 

[Angie94]

I have a strong feeling that if we take the plunge...we won't regret it! Thus far I have not read ANY posts of someone saying they wished they hadn't done it. (of course IF there was someone who regretted it would be highly unlikely they would be on here and interacting with others) makes no difference to me...I am going and that is that. Buen Camino!

 

[Camino Ky]

Ok, Angie, Ekelund and everyone I did it! I pinched my nose closed my eyes and jumped eeek (not literally) I have booked and paid for my trip in April/May 2016. OMG I have a sick, terrified, scared, excited, oh what have I done blend of emotions now. The journey and tears have begun.. Deep breath... exhale..

 

[SYates]

You just did the first step on your camino! Buen Camino! SY

 

[VNwalking]

Ok, Angie, Ekelund and everyone I did it! I pinched my nose closed my eyes and jumped eeek (not literally) I have booked and paid for my trip in April/May 2016. OMG I have a sick, terrified, scared, excited, oh what have I done blend of emotions now. The journey and tears have begun.. Deep breath... exhale..

I missed seeing this thread until after you had pushed the dreaded 'book this trip' button...
and can only think, "Well done!!"
Did you see the recent thread asking if anyone had had thoughts of "What am I doing here?!"? If not, I think you will find the responses reassuring. Every one of us has had those moments--and sometimes (like you) long before we even get to the Camino.
[Edit... Here's the link: https://www.caminodesantiago.me/com...eck-am-i-doing-here.37068/page-2#post-356174]

 

[Camino Ky]

I missed seeing this thread until after you had pushed the dreaded 'book this trip' button...
and can only think, "Well done!!"
Did you see the recent thread asking if anyone had had thoughts of "What am I doing here?!"? If not, I think you will find the responses reassuring. Every one of us has had those moments--and sometimes (like you) long before we even get to the Camino.
[Edit... Here's the link: https://www.caminodesantiago.me/com...eck-am-i-doing-here.37068/page-2#post-356174]

Hi Viranani, Not sure the link was too reassuring. I have both sets of glasses, clear and rose tinted. I am sure there will be times when I pine for the comforts of home and family. Luckily as modern pilgrims we can phone home for some comfort and a pep talk. I know I won't be alone. Thanks Camino Ky

 

[VNwalking]

Well, the clear ones are the better ones, for sure.
Thing is...the Camino challenges everyone. That's what's so great about it, because (as you saw in the thread) somehow in spite of it all we made it. And it's totally possible to be way more resilient (and content with whatever) at the end of the Camino than we were at the beginning. I love the story @Kanga told someplace else:

I struggled so for the first few weeks; I remember getting as far as Najera and was still finding it hard. So I telephoned my big brother in Australia (on a payphone, it was the days before mobiles). I was crying on the phone and saying; "This is too hard". He just said to me: "You can do it. Just put one foot in front of the other. If you pull out now you will regret it for the rest of your life".

So I stayed with it, taking a day now and then for rest, but always continuing to walk. And here we are, 14 years on, and I'm still walking!

...And look at her now!

It's diving in the deep end, for sure. But it's amazing, what we can do!

 

[vgen5122]

Go,go, go! When I first learned about the Camino I became kind of obsessed with the idea of going. I read everything I could get my hands on about the Camino. For me, it was doing something I'd never thought of doing. I was happy just walking around the park. Then I started to think about the Camino every day. One day I figured out that it was the Camino calling me. All my fears kicked in as I started to walk out of SJPD. Too late, I had to walk now. If I had not walked the Camino I would have missed the journey of a lifetime. For me it was not just a walk. (Not to say there is anything wrong with that) It is hard for me to explain it. For me the Camino was listening to the motion of my feet, thinking about my life, meeting wonderful people from all over the world and seeing the beautiful landscapes and towns. I was lucky enough to View Spain not as a tourist, but as a pilgrim. This was my journey. Hope you go. Buen Camino.

 

[Camino Ky]

Go,go, go! When I first learned about the Camino I became kind of obsessed with the idea of going. I read everything I could get my hands on about the Camino. For me, it was doing something I'd never thought of doing. I was happy just walking around the park. Then I started to think about the Camino every day. One day I figured out that it was the Camino calling me. All my fears kicked in as I started to walk out of SJPD. Too late, I had to walk now. If I had not walked the Camino I would have missed the journey of a lifetime. For me it was not just a walk. (Not to say there is anything wrong with that) It is hard for me to explain it. For me the Camino was listening to the motion of my feet, thinking about my life, meeting wonderful people from all over the world and seeing the beautiful landscapes and towns. I was lucky enough to View Spain not as a tourist, but as a pilgrim. This was my journey. Hope you go. Buen Camino.

Thanks Vgen, something worthwhile is not always easy, but I have noticed a lot of people go back again so I gather it is worthwhile. I do look forward to my pilgrimage. I am optimistic.

 

[Angie94]

Yayyyy Camino Ky! Wow, it's a done deal now I will be following suit shortly as I will be buying my tickets this week. Congrats!!

 

[Aidan21]

Hi Camino Ky,
Being brave is to be frightened and doing it anyway. You are a brave soul. Know that no matter what happens or how it happens you will never regret your decision and I am will be totally surprised if you do not have one of your life's most rewarding experiences. It is all about you, the people you meet, the journey you take and perhaps in the at the end you will have learned something about life and about yourself. Trust me it is so very worthwhile. Buen camino.
Aidan

 

[Camino Ky]

Hi Camino Ky,
Being brave is to be frightened and doing it anyway. You are a brave soul. Know that no matter what happens or how it happens you will never regret your decision and I am will be totally surprised if you do not have one of your life's most rewarding experiences. It is all about you, the people you meet, the journey you take and perhaps in the at the end you will have learned something about life and about yourself. Trust me it is so very worthwhile. Buen camino.
Aidan

Thank you Aidan21 for your kind and encouraging words. The more I read the forum and look at the photos some of the fear is easing just a little. Buen camino to you as well.

 

[Donna Sch]

That moment when you pay for your tickets is a scary one and really makes you ask yourself what you think you are doing. The day you get to your starting point is also an interesting one. And there are days when you really wonder what possessed you to volunteer for such a masochistic activity. But there is so much that is good on the Camino, and the way it quietly gets into your soul. Would not change a thing. And the camino does have an odd way of providing not necessarily what you want but what you need.

 

[Kitsambler]

I pinched my nose closed my eyes and jumped...

That first step: that acknowledgement that you are not in control, that responding to a greater Call, that willingness to have an experience that goes beyond the plan. Welcome to the community of pilgrims - for your journey has begun!

 

[Camino Ky]

That first step: that acknowledgement that you are not in control, that responding to a greater Call, that willingness to have an experience that goes beyond the plan. Welcome to the community of pilgrims - for your journey has begun!

Kitsambler, I think you hit the nail on the head, life is not bad but not fully in control and even less now. It is 2 am I have woken in a fearful panic wishing I had not booked and paid. I hope the journey gets more enjoyable I am sitting here with my winter dressing gown on and a hot cuppa resisting the desire to throw up. To feel so cold is ridiculous I live in the sub tropics and it has been so hot this week!

 

[CaminoDebrita]

Kitsambler, I think you hit the nail on the head, life is not bad but not fully in control and even less now. It is 2 am I have woken in a fearful panic wishing I had not booked and paid. I hope the journey gets more enjoyable I am sitting here with my winter dressing gown on and a hot cuppa resisting the desire to throw up. To feel so cold is ridiculous I live in the sub tropics and it has been so hot this week!

How well I remember my physical feelings when boarding the flight to Spain. Honestly, I have lived overseas and travelled quite a bit, but I thought, "what the ^#$% am I doing??"

My husband wasn't much help, reminding me, "Yep, it's crazy, but you wanted to do this!"

It did not take long, upon landing in SJPP, for me to realize the following:
1. place of beauty!
2. friendly travelers
3. mmmm the food and drink are marvelous
4. I know how to walk. I'll just go really slowly if I'm tired.

And, one foot after the other, I walked the entire way to Santiago de Compostela. Sleeping, eating, walking, rinse and repeat. Smiling, laughing, crying, you will run the whole gamut.

What an amazing journey is in store for you! Just keep doing those practice walks, and break in a GOOD part of shoes or boots.

Now, back to my cuppa....

 

[Aidan21]

Remember Camino Ky, if you stay in your comfort zone you learn little and grow even less. Step out of that place of comfort and embrace life and you will have one of the most wonderful experience of your life. An experience that will stay with you for the rest of your days. The people you will meet on the Camino, the locals and the other pilgrims will make that experience. As mspath said above 'Carpe Diem!!!!'
Aidan

 

[Camino Ky]

How well I remember my physical feelings when boarding the flight to Spain. Honestly, I have lived overseas and travelled quite a bit, but I thought, "what the ^#$% am I doing??"

My husband wasn't much help, reminding me, "Yep, it's crazy, but you wanted to do this!"

It did not take long, upon landing in SJPP, for me to realize the following:
1. place of beauty!
2. friendly travelers
3. mmmm the food and drink are marvelous
4. I know how to walk. I'll just go really slowly if I'm tired.

And, one foot after the other, I walked the entire way to Santiago de Compostela. Sleeping, eating, walking, rinse and repeat. Smiling, laughing, crying, you will run the whole gamut.

What an amazing journey is in store for you! Just keep doing those practice walks, and break in a GOOD part of shoes or boots.

Now, back to my cuppa....

Thanks CaminoDebrita, for the insight. I have also travelled and lived OS, so I had not expected this strong sense of fear or dread since booking. I am glad I don't have too long to wait and I am sure I will experience something similar to what you did when you arrived in SJPP. Have most of my gear already being a hiker (that is the easy part ) I think I will go for a walk now to walk out some of this weirdness.

 

[VNwalking]

Camino Ky, hang in there! It's so natural to feel that weirdness...it's part of the journey. And you have a lot of company in the OMG department.

What everyone has said is so true. Walking across Spain is a crazy thought, taken as a whole. But moment to moment and step by step it's OK. And to surrender control? Well, we never had that anyway, but it's still really hard to let go of the illusion. So tenderly embrace the part of yourself that's freaking out about nothing being controllable, take a deep breath--and find those places right now where you're actually OK.

At some point you'll realize that although it feels like you just jumped off a really big cliff, it's actually no problem because there's actually no ground there to hit--and you can fly! We all did this and survived...you will too.
Ultreia! (An old pilgrim's greeting meaning basically 'go beyond'...)

 

[peregrina2000]

The beauty of the Camino Frances, IMO, is that there is very little or no risk involved. There are places to stop every few kilometers, there are taxis and buses galore, you can stop whenever you want without consequence. You can push yourself mentally, socially, spiritually, but if you want or need to stop or pull back, that's not a problem. That makes the Camino a great petry dish for privileged first worlders (like me) to push our limits in a very safe space. I don't think anyone can tell you whether to "go for it" or not, you are just going to have to listen to your gut. But rest assured that it is a very safe jump, as Viranani says.

 

[Camino Ky]

Thanks Viranani and Peregrina2000 I went for a 2hr walk which helped me clear my head a little, hasn't cleared my concerns but has helped. I just want to be safe getting there and back and to enjoy my pilgrimage. I think if I listened to my gut I would have stopped and turned around when I was driving over to the travel agent to pay for my booking. Part of me would have been disappointed if I had done that though.
Thanks for positive thoughts everyone, it does help.

 

[Lachance]

You're not alone in having these feelings. The wonderful people here are always positive and encouraging. Only you can't help thinking to yourself, but they're the ones it worked for. There are a few posts with sadder stories. I booked the flights early this year to go next April, for 2 reasons: to get frequent flyer tickets (which on my plan you have to do as soon as the seats are released); and to commit myself to doing it. Maybe too far in advance for something that was more of a random whim in a bad time than the long held dream many here talk about. Since then, many moments of, as you say, going hot and cold. This forum has stoked the fire. Countered by earworms such as "miserable and lonely, repentant and contrite" and harrowing tales of peregrino misfortunes.

 

[Camino Ky]

You're not alone in having these feelings. The wonderful people here are always positive and encouraging. Only you can't help thinking to yourself, but they're the ones it worked for. There are a few posts with sadder stories. I booked the flights early this year to go next April, for 2 reasons: to get frequent flyer tickets (which on my plan you have to do as soon as the seats are released); and to commit myself to doing it. Maybe too far in advance for something that was more of a random whim in a bad time than the long held dream many here talk about. Since then, many moments of, as you say, going hot and cold. This forum has stoked the fire. Countered by earworms such as "miserable and lonely, repentant and contrite" and harrowing tales of peregrino misfortunes.

Yes Lachance, Despite all of the encouraging comments and even pulling out and weighing my gear I have not been able to shake this feeling of dread. If I am really honest right now if I could get a substantial refund on my ticket I think I would I just cannot stand this feeling of fear it is just not necessary. I have 2 options. 1. to push through and hopefully have the time of my life or 2. cancel and cut my losses as making a hasty decision (what I lose is only a bit of a week of work $$ anyway). Ill sleep on it.

 

[Lachance]

Lots of sleeps before you go. My thinking is, it's not like setting out to trek the Amazonian rain forest. There are buses and taxis and wifi etc, so you can opt out en route pretty easily.

 

[Camino Ky]

Lots of sleeps before you go. My thinking is, it's not like setting out to trek the Amazonian rain forest. There are buses and taxis and wifi etc, so you can opt out en route pretty easily.

True true, and a pep talk from my partner helped a little.

 

[wawpdx]

It might help to compare your current feelings with your usual response to anticipated trips. Is this sense of trip dread normal for you or is it unique to this particular plan? For me, no trip ever seems like a good idea in the days immediately before the trip. However, I am always happy to be there once I arrive so I try to keep both responses in mind.

 

[shubertj]

I am running hot and cold. Some days I am passionately keen to do my first Camino next year (usually when working). Now I have no desire at all (Christmas holidays have started). I believe it is a decision only I can make, but I am driving my self insane with this indecision. I have searched forum and read the 'is the camino an escape' post still no answer. I guess I let things happen this however needs some proactive organisation. Feel like I am going a bit crazy I am sure I would enjoy it, I like being active and have (years ago) done a fair amount of OS travel, yet I keep hesitating.

Your biggest concern should be once you do go you will become a "Camino addict" like the rest of us. You will wake up everyday and check this website and continually dream of your next camino.

 

[Camino Ky]

Woke after a good flat on my back sleep, went for a walk then read the map/guide and feel like I have crossed into the next phase.. planning and preparing.
Thanks everyone.

 

[Camino Ky]

Your biggest concern should be once you do go you will become a "Camino addict" like the rest of us. You will wake up everyday and check this website and continually dream of your next camino.

yes Shubertj there does seem to be a lot of Camino addicts it is part of the appeal, it must be good.

 

[VNwalking]

It is deeply good.
Great to know how you are, Camno Ky...learning to surf the waves...they will move through from time to time.
It's quite a journey, but altogether a wonderful one!

 

[HeidiL]

When we walked for the first time, what kept me going was thinking "I can always stop, get a bus to Madrid and just be a tourist for a couple of weeks." I never did, but just knowing I could was wonderfully liberating.

That's another good thing about the Frances, by the way - if you're uncertain about how you're feeling, you can (almost everywhere) tell yourself you're just doing a few kilometres, just to that nice albergue in 7 km - and if you DO feel off, it's perfectly fine to STOP walking after just a short distance! Nobody will beat you for having done a lot of short stretches.

 

[Camino Ky]

When we walked for the first time, what kept me going was thinking "I can always stop, get a bus to Madrid and just be a tourist for a couple of weeks." I never did, but just knowing I could was wonderfully liberating.

That's another good thing about the Frances, by the way - if you're uncertain about how you're feeling, you can (almost everywhere) tell yourself you're just doing a few kilometres, just to that nice albergue in 7 km - and if you DO feel off, it's perfectly fine to STOP walking after just a short distance! Nobody will beat you for having done a lot of short stretches.

Hi Heidi, yes my sister told me the same suggestion of stopping and touring.
I am not really anxious about the walking, I think I am having difficulty leaving the security and comfort of home. Which is odd considering I have always been a traveller. Hard to explain ☺Thanks.

 

[Icacos]

.........I have not been able to shake this feeling of dread.....

I, too, had that feeling of dread, everyday, from the time I bought my ticket. What kept me going were Eleanor Roosevelt's words, "Everyday do something that really scares you." Hang in there. You can do it. Buen Camino.

 

[Camino Ky]

I, too, had that feeling of dread, everyday, from the time I bought my ticket. What kept me going were Eleanor Roosevelt's words, "Everyday do something that really scares you." Hang in there. You can do it. Buen Camino.

Thanks for your encouraging words Icacos, oh my I hope it eases 4 months until I go I will bring crazy by then even though I still get that squirt of anxiety it my stomach each time I think about it, I am starting to look forward to it as well.

 

[VNwalking]

I think I am having difficulty leaving the security and comfort of home. Which is odd considering I have always been a traveller. Hard to explain

Camino Ky, that's also normal, I think--I've experienced it (which is crazy because I don't have a stable home) and have heard the same from many other pilgrims. It seems irrational, but some part of the psyche feels threatened by this Camino business. For me it feels like "Run for your life, we're gonna die!"
I've learned to kindly connect and say to that voice of fear "Thank you for sharing," to really feel the insecurity, and to just keep on going--not brushing the panic off but not buying into it either. I've discovered a lot that way, about so many things--mostly about our enormous human capacity for change and strength. And there's help everywhere, if we can see it and open to it.

"Everyday do something that really scares you."

I love that, Icaros! Thank you. I will.

 

[peregrina2000]

Thanks for your encouraging words Icacos, oh my I hope it eases 4 months until I go I will bring crazy by then even though I still get that squirt of anxiety it my stomach each time I think about it, I am starting to look forward to it as well.

Hi Camino Ky,
You won't go crazy, don't worry. But I will tell you that 15 years after my first Camino, and with a Camino every year but one since then, I still get those squirts of anxiety. No matter how many times you walk the Camino, every time you start you know you are breaking with the comfortable and the known. But in the end, once you take your first step, it is a miracle. It's a delicious way to reaffirm your independence, your tenaciousness, and your gratefulness for being alive. I wish you a wonderful camino, Laurie

 

[Camino Ky]

Hi Camino Ky,
You won't go crazy, don't worry. But I will tell you that 15 years after my first Camino, and with a Camino every year but one since then, I still get those squirts of anxiety. No matter how many times you walk the Camino, every time you start you know you are breaking with the comfortable and the known. But in the end, once you take your first step, it is a miracle. It's a delicious way to reaffirm your independence, your tenaciousness, and your gratefulness for being alive. I wish you a wonderful camino, Laurie

Thank you Laurie, that is a lovely heartwarming response. Wow 14 Caminos in 15 years, certainly says something for the experience of a camino. It is going to be an adventure. I look forward to that first step. Thank you for your wishes. Ky.

 

[Kerrygold]

It's not like taking mortgage or getting married... It's not a decision that's neccesarily is going to shape your future. Do you have any other idea on how to better spend this month of your life?

 

[SYates]

... It's not a decision that's neccesarily is going to shape your future. ...

But it might and has done so for a lot of us already Buen Camino, SY

 

[WldWil]

One of the biggest things I ever learned growing up is that "not making a decision" is a decision. At some point you weigh the benefits and drawbacks, make the decision and move forward.

I'm not sure if that sounds callous. It is not meant to. For some, living with a decision is easier than having to make it.

Another trap is that the pros and cons are weighed so often (over and over) and do not change. Take a piece a paper draw a line down the middle. Physically write them down and it may become more clear. Treat it like a balance scale.

You probably know your answer and just need the confidence and assurance to confirm it.

 

[CanPete]

Can you imagine some point far into the future when you are no longer fit and able and are looking back over your life. Thinking of the things you did and the things you did not. They say we regret the things we do not do more than the things we do. I know it is true for me. So I say if the Camino is taking up so much personal time and energy that the decision to stay or go is driving you insane, I say that you need to go. Make sure you do not live the rest of your life wondering if it was for you or not, or regreting the fact that you did not take the opportunity when you had the chance. Grab life with both hands when you can and accept what comes your way. But of course it is always your decision. Buen camino.
Aidan

Aidan, your response is a great way of looking at it and I fully agree !

 

[CanPete]

It's not like taking mortgage or getting married... It's not a decision that's neccesarily is going to shape your future. Do you have any other idea on how to better spend this month of your life?

Actually, for some people it does shape their future ... once you become a camino-holic . . .

 

[Camino Ky]

I acknowledge the walk is different to marriage and puchasing a home looking at the number of repeat camino walkers I believe it can change your life. My reason for walking is not necessarily to change my life, but live it. ☺ Nearly a week later and some of my apprehension has eased thankfully, though I do still get that squirt of adrenaline in my stomach when I think of it and some anxt over solo travel to and from (I hope to reduce that by implementing straight forward plans e.g. hotel & train bookings in advance). Forum feedback indicated these feelings are common, in varying levels depending on the individual. I certainly had not anticipated feeling this way, indicating an understanding that this is not your average 'holiday'.

 

[Peter Fransiscus]

It's not like taking mortgage or getting married... It's not a decision that's neccesarily is going to shape your future. Do you have any other idea on how to better spend this month of your life?

It changed my life and I think the life's one way ore another off a lot more people.
Wish you well and a Buen Camino, Peter.

 

[Shalaw]

If you're fortunate to have the means, the health and the time off work now, then I say do it!! You never know what tomorrow will bring and there's nothing worse in life than having regrets. Do it while you can!! Buen Camino!!

 

[Joodle]

Yes Lachance, Despite all of the encouraging comments and even pulling out and weighing my gear I have not been able to shake this feeling of dread. If I am really honest right now if I could get a substantial refund on my ticket I think I would I just cannot stand this feeling of fear it is just not necessary. I have 2 options. 1. to push through and hopefully have the time of my life or 2. cancel and cut my losses as making a hasty decision (what I lose is only a bit of a week of work $$ anyway). Ill sleep on it.

Sometimes a sick feeling of dread is the Holy Spirit trying to tell you something. We would all be much better off if we could learn how to listen to this "feeling or intuition or higher power" Maybe this isn't the time for you. It sounds like more than just nerves or concerns about travel arrangements. Dont feel a bit bad about choosing to back out. The right answer might be "not right now"

 

[Camino Ky]

Thanks Joodle and ShaLaw, it has been 10 days since I booked and paid for my airfare. Goodness what an unexpected highly emotional reaction I had to that step. Thankfully I have calmed considerably Yay. The flutterbies in my stomach are bearable now. Have weighed and partially packed my bag, talked about my concerns on forum (feedback from forum has been inspiring) and with family ( good support). Deciding it is time to start getting fit again I contacted my running friend who may even end up as a camino buddy. Now I believe things will come together as they should and I too will enjoy a camino experience. I am actually excited about my journey now.. hooray

 

[Joodle]

Thanks Joodle and ShaLaw, it has been 10 days since I booked and paid for my airfare. Goodness what an unexpected highly emotional reaction I had to that step. Thankfully I have calmed considerably Yay. The flutterbies in my stomach are bearable now. Have weighed and partially packed my bag, talked about my concerns on forum (feedback from forum has been inspiring) and with family ( good support). Deciding it is time to start getting fit again I contacted my running friend who may even end up as a camino buddy. Now I believe things will come together as they should and I too will enjoy a camino experience. I am actually excited about my journey now.. hooray

I'm glad You're feeling better about your Camino. Don't ever be afraid to stop what you're doing even if you are ready to step on the Plane. We all are given that gift of feeling "something's not right" If we will just heed it. My fear is having to get into better shape. I went from doing Triathlons to feeling like a couch potato. I tied on my hikers and went for a good 3 mile walk today. It's a start! Buen Camino Judy

 

[Camino Ky]

Yes I quite agree with heeding a 6th sense feeling Judy, I figured in this case I had wanted to do it but then once I committed financially it was a final commitment to the idea, sometimes putting ideas into action is difficult but in saying that I don't recall ever feeling this nervous or panicked. I also started to worry about safety of flying, going through Paris and walking on my own. I am cautious and have lived and traveled OS in the past so should be OK. There seems to be a lot of solo travellers so don't really think I will be alone. Starting to enjoy planning now I have a list if Spanish/English words on the back of my toilet door to learn and have also got of the couch.. except for right now planning to walk this arvo, it's a hot humid day here with the promise of an evening storm.

 

[Shalaw]

I find that making the decision (in this case whether to go or not) is the hardest part, but once you make the decision, a huge weight comes off your shoulders. If you cancel your flight now, I have a feeling you will know if you've made the right decision or not, immediately. If you regret it, you can always rebook it. Or, if you cancel it, you may be flooded with relief. Also, if you're experiencing anxiety, it's a good exercise to think about whatever scenario is making you anxious, all the way through. For example, if you're afraid you might miss your train to get to Bordeaux, no worries....you can always catch the next one!! If you're worried about walking alone, ask a fellow peregrine to walk with her for a while!! If there's one thing I learned from my camino, it's that it always provides and you can always count on the kindness of your fellow pilgrims for love and support to get you through. Also, part of the reason I wanted to do my camino was to 'get off the grid' so to speak and live life as simply as possible for a while, with only what I could carry on my back which meant getting out of my comfort zone and being uncomfortable. Doing this really made me appreciate everything I have in my life when I got home and it was a great feeling of accomplishment when I finished!!