How to keep from killing your partner on the Camino?

[psychoticparrot]

All of you gave such great advice to me on my other thread about my husband and I being physically somewhat unfit and relatively old, yet still wanting to walk the Camino next year.

Now I have another issue I'd like some advice about -- is it better to walk the Camino as a couple or alone?

We've been married for 43 years, so we know that we, ahem, sometimes have our differences. One of the things we've learned along the way is the importance of some "alone" time. Even the most devoted of couples need time apart, if for no other reason than to remind us how much we like being together, if that makes any sense. If we walk together on the Camino 24/7, that's an awful lot of togetherness. Disagreements will be inevitable. Even our paces will be different -- my husband is 6 feet tall; I'm 5 feet tall.

So, what do all of you suggest? Should we walk separately at our own paces and meet up at the agreed-upon town/village? Should we try to walk together as much as possible? Should we walk alone to the point of having separate Camino trips altogether?

We both want our first (and perhaps only) Camino to be memorable, but for the right reasons, not because of squabbling and hurt feelings, which, BTW, we're not normally prone to do. But it's a worrisome point, nonetheless.

 

[Kanga]

Ah, a great topic. And you are showing forethought in considering it.

My darling, light of my life, sweetheart forever, and I, are very different. Travelling does seem to bring out those differences. Physically he's a whippet - a 45kmp whirlwind who drops exhausted after short distances - whereas I'm a snail - slow but with great endurance. He does the flat in top speed but wilts on the hills. I'm steady as she goes with a constant slow pace, and plod up the hills without much difference. He naturally makes decisions with his body - this way and strides off, without looking back at me trailing behind muttering to myself "I want to go the other way".

Having said that, there is no-one, but no-one, I would rather spend time with. And I miss him terribly when we are apart. I also yearn constantly to be on camino, and he does not. Life is full of contradictions.

On our first camino we started together, mainly because he was worried about what this crazy wife of his was doing, and he wanted to make sure I would be OK. He walked with me as far as Sahagun, then flew home, to work. My clearest recollection of disagreements was that we had each other to blame when things were difficult - he could be grumpy (dormitories, bad beds, too slow, too boring) - and I would blame him when I was exhausted and tired - you made me walk these extra kilometres, we should have stopped back there, you were walking too fast. I had difficulty voicing my needs in a straightforward way - I think this tends to be a female trait - keeping quiet when we should speak out, and later complaining. After he left I had no option but to take responsibility for myself.

That taking responsibility for oneself (and only oneself) is one of the reasons to walk a camino alone. It is essentially a selfish thing.

But that having been said, it is possible to have a wonderfully happy experience with a partner. Nowadays I don't think we have many disagreements at all on camino. I'm not sure what happened, I think perhaps we are just more conscious of trying to make the other person happy, trying to meet their needs and understanding the demands of the camino and travelling and making allowances. We also understand that no decisions on camino are really that important, certainly not sufficiently important to cause a power struggle - so we are both happy to go along with the flow. Tolerance is one of the great gifts of the camino, for those who are prepared to embrace it.

I hope this helps.

 

[Kanga]

Oh, I forgot the practical aspects! We tend to start off together but drift apart while walking (he's ahead) and meet up at the next town or village. One of the good things about the camino is that it is a single path so if one person gets ahead there is no problem - just stop at the next bar and the person behind will eventually find you.

 

[psychoticparrot]

Oh, I forgot the practical aspects! We tend to start off together but drift apart while walking (he's ahead) and meet up at the next town or village. One of the good things about the camino is that it is a single path so if one person gets ahead there is no problem - just stop at the next bar and the person behind will eventually find you.

Thank you! That's exactly the kind of information I'm looking for!

We don't yet know our respective walking paces or endurance capacities. We will start our physical training in one week when we fly back from Nicaragua to the States for the summer and fall (too darn hot to train here in Managua). We've also discussed the "catch-up-with-you-in-Burgos/Saragun/wherever" approach. That may be the best for us.

 

[Kiwi-family]

What does your husband think? That's bound to be more important than what we think! (although I do understand discovering different perspectives can be beneficial)
Who knows, you may find you LOVE to spend 24 hours a day together (that's one of my pet faves of the camino)

 

[Canucks]

We walked both the Frances and Le Puy together, as a couple, and it was fine. On our first day to roncesvalles, a group of ladies starting together told us what a mistake it was for a couple to walk together.
Within a week, their group was disintegrating and we plodded onwards, amused at their prior predictions.

The end result is that anything can work or fail......it is dependent on how you interact,

 

[psychoticparrot]

Thanks for your replies, Kiwi and Canucks. My husband and I have discussed this issue, but he doesn't have a clue either, as we've never done any kind of hiking before (hence my earlier how-to-get-fit-for-the-Camino thread). You would think 43 years of marriage would be its own answer, but as the Chinese say, "No matter how close two people put their heads together, no one sees everything exactly the same way."

My husband retired about 3 years ago; I had to stop working 12 years ago for health reasons (much healthier now). Since his retirement, we've spent a lot of time in each other's company and have found that non-stop togetherness tends to make us irritable and snippy, so we know that we may need to take some breaks from each other on the Camino.

I suspect that our planned week-long hikes this summer in the Appalachians (not the Trail! Just some easy state park trails) will tell us a bit more about hiking compatibility. But I wondered if others had the same concerns and how they solved them.

 

[Canucks]

One more comment from some of our memories on the Camino........it appeared that the problems with couples arose from one of the couple clearly being more enthusiastic about the experience and/or physically able to do it. The one that was less enthusiastic or able did not have the same positive experience. We saw some occasions where this caused issues.

 

[Kitsambler]

I think your solution is of the "both - and" variety rather than the "either-or" sort. Perhaps you can conceptualize it as you are each walking your separate Caminos, but get together in the evening to share your differing experiences of the day. In a marriage so long, you must have travelled together before, so you know how that works for you. The added issue on a Camino is the difference in your physical temperaments (speed, rest frequency and duration) as well as your distraction temperaments (oh I want to investigate this, oh that's dull and uninteresting). So, after many years where you thought you knew each other completely, there are still discoveries to be made!

 

[Chacharm]

I walked the first time with my son. He is much faster than I am. I told him from the first to just walk at whatever pace he was comfy with -- that we would meet up at the albuergue. I anticipated that we would both be walking on our own but spending our evenings together. And some days that is exactly what happened. Other days he walked on ahead but was always waiting for me in spots where he saw the signage wasn't great and knew (rightly so) that I would drift off the trail. You're also going to meet up with other people and you'll spend time walking and talking with them.
One woman was telling me that she had walked for a few days with a couple that bickered all the time and that they seemed to be seeking other people out to do it in front of - awful!
Mostly I was just really surprised at how well we got along every day. Being out walking in fresh air every day, sharing a novel experience and having someone to whine with about blisters and too many french fries...or just having someone who knows you and loves you and gets your humor to wink at over a crazy/funny/weird event makes for strengthening, bonding time together. I think you are in for a very pleasant surprise.

 

[Anniesantiago]

Well, I left a relationship of over 15 years after my 2nd Camino . . .

 

[VNwalking]

What Kitsambler said is very true. There are different ways of being compatible and incompatible.
And how that plays out can be a surprise. Walking the Camino day in and day out is different than regular travel because it can expose whatever we normally hide. I walked with a dear friend and we went places in our relationship we had never gone before. This can be a good thing so long as you're able and willing to do whatever it takes to work through things and to go deeper.
Kindness, understanding, and flexibility ate essential. Especially when different paces and walking styles conflict. No one way is better and my friend and I found creative ways to walk either together or alone, depending on conditions.

 

[smj6]

Check out this excellent thread started by @TerryB (with @Tia Valeria).
Suzanne

 

[NualaOC]

Hi @psychoticparrot, you've started a great thread here!

I worried a lot about this before my first Camino. My husband and I run our own (separate) businesses, have strong personalities, different levels of fitness and different views/beliefs on many things. Walking the Camino was something that I had wanted to do for a long time. Damian was happy to go along with his wife's crazy idea, but it was very much my 'thing' rather than his. I was delighted that we were doing it together, but I wondered how it would work out - especially the 24/7 togetherness.

Identifying and talking openly about these issues before we left home definitely helped. We didn't come up with any particular strategy - there's no real way of knowing in advance what walking the Camino is going to be like. In our case, everything worked out fine. Our different walking paces meant that we walked separately for at least part of most days. However, the shared experiences, joys and pains of the Camino were such a positive thing for us - we would both say that walking the Camino is without a doubt, the best think that we've ever done as a couple. And we plan to keep on doing it for many years to come!

That probably sounds very floaty and idealistic. To a large extent, I suppose we're just lucky that we both really enjoy the whole Camino experience (albeit in very different ways and for different reasons). Had one of us hated it or wanted to go home, it would have been a different story. However, I like to think that we could have had a measured and caring conversation and eventually agreed that this might not be something that we do together. That said, I've no doubt that such a conversation would have been preceded by some bickering, blaming and general grumpiness .........

Buen Camino to you both! May it be full of fun, laughter and sweet surprises.

 

[Saint Mike II]

My dear parot - having not had the luxury of a life partner I have always made these type of decisions alone. So with that in mind may I suggest that some time after your training as commenced ( say a month/six weeks) that you do a "trial run" - a walk of two or three days (two nights away from home). Stay in cheap motels (even youth hostels/backpacker places if there are any close by) and see how both of you cope. Given your physical difference I would expect that you will have significant differences in walking speeds. Buen Camino!!

 

[Annette london]

All of you gave such great advice to me on my other thread about my husband and I being physically somewhat unfit and relatively old, yet still wanting to walk the Camino next year.

Now I have another issue I'd like some advice about -- is it better to walk the Camino as a couple or alone?

We've been married for 43 years, so we know that we, ahem, sometimes have our differences. One of the things we've learned along the way is the importance of some "alone" time. Even the most devoted of couples need time apart, if for no other reason than to remind us how much we like being together, if that makes any sense. If we walk together on the Camino 24/7, that's an awful lot of togetherness. Disagreements will be inevitable. Even our paces will be different -- my husband is 6 feet tall; I'm 5 feet tall.

So, what do all of you suggest? Should we walk separately at our own paces and meet up at the agreed-upon town/village? Should we try to walk together as much as possible? Should we walk alone to the point of having separate Camino trips altogether?

We both want our first (and perhaps only) Camino to be memorable, but for the right reasons, not because of squabbling and hurt feelings, which, BTW, we're not normally prone to do. But it's a worrisome point, nonetheless.

I just love the title of this thread!! Are you sure my husband did not put you up to asking this question??

 

[Tia Valeria]

@psychoticparrot we started the Walking with a Companion thread after meeting folk who had obviously not considered their different expectations, needs, abilities etc. Happy reading and walking - this thread shows that you are already working at it.

 

[DMZwalker]

All of you gave such great advice to me on my other thread about my husband and I being physically somewhat unfit and relatively old, yet still wanting to walk the Camino next year.

Now I have another issue I'd like some advice about -- is it better to walk the Camino as a couple or alone?

We've been married for 43 years, so we know that we, ahem, sometimes have our differences. One of the things we've learned along the way is the importance of some "alone" time. Even the most devoted of couples need time apart, if for no other reason than to remind us how much we like being together, if that makes any sense. If we walk together on the Camino 24/7, that's an awful lot of togetherness. Disagreements will be inevitable. Even our paces will be different -- my husband is 6 feet tall; I'm 5 feet tall.

So, what do all of you suggest? Should we walk separately at our own paces and meet up at the agreed-upon town/village? Should we try to walk together as much as possible? Should we walk alone to the point of having separate Camino trips altogether?

We both want our first (and perhaps only) Camino to be memorable, but for the right reasons, not because of squabbling and hurt feelings, which, BTW, we're not normally prone to do. But it's a worrisome point, nonetheless.

I walked the Camino, SJD to Finisterre, last fall 9/21-11/3. Just to confirm the advice you have received. Walk at your own pace and catch up along the way. Saw many couples do this and it seemed to work out fine. For me walking solo, being alone with my thoughts, and finally after a couple of weeks getting to that wonderful place where I began to experience and savor each step is what the Camino experience is all about. Take your time. You may never pass this way again. Buen Camino

 

[dduroy]

My wife and I are very different. We are both hard headed, but I am the reserved one while she will meet a new best friend in the grocery line. This will be our first Camino together and I've made a conscious decision to let this be her Camino as it's her first. I have even practiced repeating this to myself. It should be uncomfortable for me, but hopefully worth it as I only hope for her to enjoy it as much as I have.

 

[psychoticparrot]

I think your solution is of the "both - and" variety rather than the "either-or" sort. Perhaps you can conceptualize it as you are each walking your separate Caminos, but get together in the evening to share your differing experiences of the day. In a marriage so long, you must have travelled together before, so you know how that works for you. The added issue on a Camino is the difference in your physical temperaments (speed, rest frequency and duration) as well as your distraction temperaments (oh I want to investigate this, oh that's dull and uninteresting). So, after many years where you thought you knew each other completely, there are still discoveries to be made!

Yes, apparently there are still discoveries to be made. Your statement made me, simultaneously, smile and shudder. The unknown has always made me cautious -- part of my nature, I suppose. That's why I'm posted this thread -- I want to be ready for trouble if or when it comes. I also want to be ready for pleasant surprises.

 

[psychoticparrot]

I just love the title of this thread!! Are you sure my husband did not put you up to asking this question??

I claim full authorship and responsibility for the title of my thread. Your husband, like mine, is innocent of any tampering with it!

 

[Eloi Duguay]

Hi Psychoticparrot,
My partner and I had the same question on our mine before we started the Camino Frances last Sept. I the men walk a little faster then her and we agreed that for the first week that we would stick together and stay in same accmodations. After the first week we had share the same bedroom every night even though we walk at different pace we allways end up meeting each other for coffee, lunch and night stop. Things went so well that we decided to get married on the Punte La Reina after 25 years on common law loving. We share the same accommodation every night (45 nights) and walk along with many common friends that attended our wedding. It was a wonderful experience and we had hardly a disagreement along the way. As long as you both understand that you both need your private moments and time to meet interesting people you will do just fine. We are planning to do another Camino in the upcoming season years. It look like we are just the same age a you guys in our sixties, good Luck and Buen Camino!!!
P.S. By staying together we share rooms in Hosteles with private bath and we did not have to endure the snoring and other body sounds of other. Average price for a price room for two was around 35€ that has made a great positive difference on our Camino

 

[psychoticparrot]

Hi Psychoticparrot,
My partner and I had the same question on our mine before we started the Camino Frances last Sept. I the men walk a little faster then her and we agreed that for the first week that we would stick together and stay in same accmodations. After the first week we had share the same bedroom every night even though we walk at different pace we allways end up meeting each other for coffee, lunch and night stop. Things went so well that we decided to get married on the Punte La Reina after 25 years on common law loving. We share the same accommodation every night (45 nights) and walk along with many common friends that attended our wedding. It was a wonderful experience and we had hardly a disagreement along the way. As long as you both understand that you both need your private moments and time to meet interesting people you will do just fine. We are planning to do another Camino in the upcoming season years. It look like we are just the same age a you guys in our sixties, good Luck and Buen Camino!!!
P.S. By staying together we share rooms in Hosteles with private bath and we did not have to endure the snoring and other body sounds of other. Average price for a price room for two was around 35€ that has made a great positive difference on our Camino

Congratulations on your recent marriage! You and your husband seem almost like our clones. We also plan to stay in private accommodations, with alburgues as backups in case of reservation snafus. We have decided, however, to carry our own packs instead of having them transported, which was my first thought when starting to plan the trip. We can be more flexible about where and when we stay. This should also help ease any tensions.

 

[Urban Trekker]

All of you gave such great advice to me on my other thread about my husband and I being physically somewhat unfit and relatively old, yet still wanting to walk the Camino next year.

Now I have another issue I'd like some advice about -- is it better to walk the Camino as a couple or alone?

We've been married for 43 years, so we know that we, ahem, sometimes have our differences. One of the things we've learned along the way is the importance of some "alone" time. Even the most devoted of couples need time apart, if for no other reason than to remind us how much we like being together, if that makes any sense. If we walk together on the Camino 24/7, that's an awful lot of togetherness. Disagreements will be inevitable. Even our paces will be different -- my husband is 6 feet tall; I'm 5 feet tall.

So, what do all of you suggest? Should we walk separately at our own paces and meet up at the agreed-upon town/village? Should we try to walk together as much as possible? Should we walk alone to the point of having separate Camino trips altogether?

We both want our first (and perhaps only) Camino to be memorable, but for the right reasons, not because of squabbling and hurt feelings, which, BTW, we're not normally prone to do. But it's a worrisome point, nonetheless.

I\

My wife doesn't walk much and does not get the Caminos but after 40 years of marriage I get it. Try walk together at the pace of the slowest walker. If it looks like it's not going to work try walking alone and at your own paces. Meet up at predetermined places to rest, spend the night, make new friends, and share your experiences.

I don't like walking alone. Fortunately for me, friend Craig from my collage days joins me on my Caminos, he gets it. Buen Camino

Happy Trails

 

[hughwilliams]

All of you gave such great advice to me on my other thread about my husband and I being physically somewhat unfit and relatively old, yet still wanting to walk the Camino next year.

Now I have another issue I'd like some advice about -- is it better to walk the Camino as a couple or alone?

We've been married for 43 years, so we know that we, ahem, sometimes have our differences. One of the things we've learned along the way is the importance of some "alone" time. Even the most devoted of couples need time apart, if for no other reason than to remind us how much we like being together, if that makes any sense. If we walk together on the Camino 24/7, that's an awful lot of togetherness. Disagreements will be inevitable. Even our paces will be different -- my husband is 6 feet tall; I'm 5 feet tall.

So, what do all of you suggest? Should we walk separately at our own paces and meet up at the agreed-upon town/village? Should we try to walk together as much as possible? Should we walk alone to the point of having separate Camino trips altogether?

We both want our first (and perhaps only) Camino to be memorable, but for the right reasons, not because of squabbling and hurt feelings, which, BTW, we're not normally prone to do. But it's a worrisome point, nonetheless.

I have walked, climbed, caved, canoed and instructed at all levels, but what has kept our married life sane?
My wife has her life and I have mine. This has worked so well with her craft , choirs , welsh groups and family /friends. Many years ago I asked her if she would join me on Caminos.
(Would rather poke her eyes out with a blunt pencil)
So any family bonding is at hotels and guest houses. My God! any camino we took together would be memorable! 45 years of married life ended by a sharp or heavy blunt instrument. If you have any doubts do not ask us!

 

[ManyMiles2Go]

My wife and I decided to walk the Camino for our 25th anniversary, but did not make it (kid's, work, etc.) until our 26th anniversary. We walked together the entire way (as in, did not get out of eyesight from each other). She is a slower walker than I, but I love to take pictures (took over 2000 on first camino). She would keep walking while I stopped for photos, then I would catch up. We met wonderful people along the way and "hooked" up with a small group for about a week. We would walk with others in the group and talk, but always within eyesight of everyone. We did have one day when we were by ourselves that we got on each others nerves, but it was very hot that day. Friend at work asked me, "24/7 together with your wife for a month, are you nuts!?!?!". Well, maybe, but it was the best vacation we ever had, just the two of us for 30+ days (along with a couple thousand other pilgrims) We are already planning on going again next year for our 30th anniversary, so the first Camino didn't hurt our relationship You will be fine. If you do start to get "edgy" with each other, just walk apart that day and meet up at the next town. Buen Camino!!

 

[Kanga]

Having exposed my story, I also want to mention two friends of mine, long married, who walked together. Before they set out she was wondering how they were going to spend so much time together; they had very different interests, both had busy professional lives, he was still working long hours, and when she thought about it they have not spent much time together at all. In fact they had wandered rather far apart and she was doubting there was much of the marriage left.

The walk absolutely renewed the marriage, no doubt. They rediscovered all the things that they liked about each other, and the pleasure of being together.

 

[HeidiL]

I have walked a bit over 1700 km in Spain. 29 of them I walked alone, and that was fine, but I must say, I LOVE walking with my husband!

We use different ploys to keep together: whoever is weakest that day (and it changes!) gets the poles, who ever is strongest gts to carry most of the weight. It helps that we both walk with larger backpacks than we, strictly speaking, need, so it is easy to adjust our weight until we're comfortable at the same pace.

He's much faster than me uphill, so he walks alone until he reaches the top of the hill, then he waits for me. I'm stronger and faster on flatter land, so I carry all our communal stuff and all the food, especially on the long, flat streches. If I think he's too slow, I may grab his sleeping bag as well.

It all works out in the end. We talk almost continuously while walking, building up memories and sharing sights and thoughts, and I wouldn't miss our Caminos for anything.

 

[nathanael]

All of you gave such great advice to me on my other thread about my husband and I being physically somewhat unfit and relatively old, yet still wanting to walk the Camino next year.

Now I have another issue I'd like some advice about -- is it better to walk the Camino as a couple or alone?

We've been married for 43 years, so we know that we, ahem, sometimes have our differences. One of the things we've learned along the way is the importance of some "alone" time. Even the most devoted of couples need time apart, if for no other reason than to remind us how much we like being together, if that makes any sense. If we walk together on the Camino 24/7, that's an awful lot of togetherness. Disagreements will be inevitable. Even our paces will be different -- my husband is 6 feet tall; I'm 5 feet tall.

So, what do all of you suggest? Should we walk separately at our own paces and meet up at the agreed-upon town/village? Should we try to walk together as much as possible? Should we walk alone to the point of having separate Camino trips altogether?

We both want our first (and perhaps only) Camino to be memorable, but for the right reasons, not because of squabbling and hurt feelings, which, BTW, we're not normally prone to do. But it's a worrisome point, nonetheless.

I would give yourself a few days together and see what happens. Possibly you can try walking apart during the day find someone to walk with and thus your evenings you can share and be together just a suggestion.

 

[Ahhhs]

Talking about it in advance is half the battle. If you know before you step on the Camino that any kind of travel can be challenging for couples, you can hopefully diffuse some hard feelings. If you know your partner got stuck in the bunk next to the world class snorer and didn't sleep a wink, you can avoid taking his or her crankiness personally. If you discuss before you leave that you may choose to walk separately sometimes, and it doesn't mean you don't love each other, you should do just fine. Just know that there will likely be some differences and try not to take anything personally.

Buen stress free Camino!

 

[Eloi Duguay]

Congratulations on your recent marriage! You and your husband seem almost like our clones. We also plan to stay in private accommodations, with alburgues as backups in case of reservation snafus. We have decided, however, to carry our own packs instead of having them transported, which was my first thought when starting to plan the trip. We can be more flexible about where and when we stay. This should also help ease any tensions.

We were planning to carry both bags all the way, but had decided that for the first two days we would ship my wife backpack to at least cross the Pyrenees Mountains. After the first week on the Camino we decided to ship one bag every day with all the heavy stuff and I carried the other one. My wife bought a day bag and she carried her own daily need. This was a ver y good decision and it did help us a lot. However we needed to have a shipping address and we had to make previous arrangements for nightly accommodation. We bought a SIM card from Vodaphone for 20€ and had communication to do our reservation. All these changes in our plan made our trip much easier. We did not had to leave very early in the morning as we knew where we were staying every night. They don't require a credit card when we book and they will keep the room for you until 4/5 pm. If we did not like the accommodation we simply pick up our bag and find a better place, only happen twice. Our bag were at the proper location every night when we arrived, no matter which company we selected, even the cheaper one. As we get closer to Santiago the price change from 7 € in SJPP to 3€ at then end of the trip. Make you to call the company you selected the night before 8:00pm to let them know you have a pickup at a certain location with the drop off location. Buen Camino

 

[Eloi Duguay]

Another recommendation is to stay the first night at the Orisson refuge 8 km away from SJPP. This is a very nice place a must we tought as you meet all others that like you are just starting up. You also cut your walk down for the first two days across the mountains, otherwise you need to walk more then 30 km on the very first day which is the hardess stretch of the trip.

 

[NualaOC]

A follow up comment to my earlier and rather long-winded one. I was telling my husband about this thread. His answer to the OP's question was a little different to mine. He replied: ' I just do as I am told'.

 

[Lord Longpath]

I guess my wife and I complement each other. She excels at remembering names and faces, but is somewhat navigationally challenged. I can never remember the interesting but bewildering array of people we meet on the camino, but can usually find the way. She is very good at planning ahead where or what we shall eat, but pronounces Spanish words with vowels from the Queen's English. I occasionally forget to eat if there's something more exciting going on, but I do pick up languages. Between us, we've just about got it covered.

When we got back, I wrote my account of our adventures - 'Walking Distance' by Martyn Wright. Not to be outdone she has just written her account 'The Couple Who Held Hands On the Camino', by Lucy Longpath. Apparently that is how some people described us - 'the couple who held hands'.

A policeman friend of mine once told me that if two people describe an incident in exactly the same way, then there's something funny going on. People don't naturally do that. This could be unique oppportunity to see the same Camino through the eyes of both halves of a couple.

 

[MichaelSG]

Having retired when we were quite young, my wife and I already spend a lot of time together. On the Caminos, we spend even more time together and we grow closer because of it. That's one of the main reasons we do annual long walks. That said, on the French Camino, our first, we walked at our own pace and just met up in towns, hill tops, shaded areas, etc. I figured that I was usually ahead and that there was no way my wife could get lost or run into trouble. Then we hit Montes de Oca which caused a minor scare and we walked a little closer to each other. After that, I got to Cruz de Ferro and soon got a frantic call from my wife who thought she was lost. Since then, I figured it would be (and has been) better to stay within sight of each other, if not side by side.

For various reasons, when on the Camino, it is the only time that we walk together when we are not holding each other's hands. But it is mostly because we are too busy holding each other's hearts.

 

[psychoticparrot]

Thanks, everyone, for your advice. Because of your good ideas, my husband and I have decided to stay together over the Pyrenees. At the beginning of April, the weather there is still very unpredictable, and for safety's sake, we'll stay close. After Roncesvalles, we'll walk at our own respective paces and meet up in an agreed-upon town/village, depending on our stamina, foot condition, weather, etc. I've allotted six weeks to reach Santiago with two extra weeks tacked on the end in case we're held up along the road for any reason.

 

[Lucy Longpath]

We enjoyed walking the Camino Frances last Spring as a couple. We found it brought us closer together and we have shared a lot of nice memories together since we got home. My husband does walk faster than me but he was very patient going at my pace and waiting for me. I think that it is different for different people though, and what you are suggesting sounds good too. Buen Camino!!

 

[pudgypilgrim]

Someone posted a link here awhile ago to an article about pilgrimages in the middle ages. There was one medieval pilgrim who said you need to bring a big bag of money and an even bigger bag of patience.

So I just kept chanting "suitcase of patience, suitcase of patience" as my mantra during the first few days when friends were walking with me. It helps.

 

[m108]

What does your husband think? That's bound to be more important than what we think! (although I do understand discovering different perspectives can be beneficial)
Who knows, you may find you LOVE to spend 24 hours a day together (that's one of my pet faves of the camino)

I understand goodness, width, beauty ..... of this statement. But I discovered that the Camino is one of the rare occasions where I ask myself - what I want and think. Life is full of adjustment, Camino is MY time.
Whenever I have company, it functioned as it was very, very optional - sometimes sleep in the same albergue, often not. Sometimes common morning coffee, somewhere along the way, sometimes not. For me, it was perfect.
But I have my Camino as "annual walking meditation" , therefore, probably it is different ???....

 

[hsabs]

I understand your concerns. I walked with my husband who is usually fitter that I. We are both lawyers and talk a lot about work when we are at home. this changed along the Camino as I got fitter and stared to walk faster and work beame a distant memory. We started each day together and on occasion would walk separately depending upon speed and motivation, but we would always meet at the next bar or rest area. The walk meant we always had time togethere and time apart, neither felt lonely nor smothered by the constant company. It brought us closer together. I hope you can have a similar experience,

 

[Kiwi-family]

Psychoticparrot that sounds like a good plan. And even if you change it, so long as you are communicating with each other, all should be well. Communication and consideration are the two keys when you intentionally walk with someone!

 

[Tacitus]

Well I hiked the Camino Frances last Spring with my brother and a friend of ours (who is like a brother). And I really wasn't sure what pace we would walk at or if we would even walk together, but after a few days we each started walking at our own pace; typically me in the front, my brother in the middle, and our friend in the rear. If I ever thought I was to far ahead (or thought I was going the wrong way)I would just stop at the first bar in whatever town I was in and wait for them. Sometimes those two would drive me crazy (as brothers do) and I needed to walk alone for awhile. We always started the day together, and by the end of the trip we tended to walk more at the same pace together. I LOVED walking the camino with my brothers! My brother and I plan on doing it again in 2 years, but this time we want to start in Le Puy. Buen Camino!!!

 

[Keith Hearn]

My wife and I did le Puy to Conques last year, with a donkey. The donkey kept us together, because you need one person leading it and another in the rear ("you don't pull a donkey, you push it"). So in one way, we were always together, but in another, we were each walking alone, with the donkey between us. We were close enough to talk when we needed to, but far enough apart to have plenty of time "alone" for thinking.

I only recall one time when we had difficulties, that was in Aubrac on a miserable gray, drizzly, cold day. We had a communications lapse and she got rather upset at me, but with the donkey we had no choice but to stay together. It was pretty quiet for the first part of the descent to Saint-Chely d'Aubrac, but by the time we arrived she'd had time to cool down and things were back to normal.

This year we're carrying packs instead of getting a donkey, so we'll have to figure out how to manage things as we go. During our training walks last year we always stayed together with no problem. We can both handle the same pace. But I know there will probably be the occasional time when tempers flare and we'll probably walk separately for a bit. Or we may just decide we want to spend a day apart even when things are fine. We'll just take things one day at a time.

We both have phones with T-Mobile so they'll work in France, so we can always contact each other (assuming we are somewhere with cell coverage - it was pretty spotty last year in the hills and valleys in that area). And I expect we'll always have booked our room for the evening, so as long as neither of us gets lost, we'll always find each other at the end of the day.

 

[Anemone del Camino]

Why do you even have a walking partner to start with?

 

[Tia Valeria]

Why do you even have a walking partner to start with?

Because I love him - and it is reciprocated