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I should have lived the moment

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Lexicos

Jim
Camino(s) past & future
Camino Frances
2017
Camino Portuguese 2019
I took these photos in Padron on Thursday 24th October 2019. It shows pilgrims arriving and exploring this lovely town. The photo in the middle is taken from the monastery of San Martiño Pinario. The one on the right is me, taken by my wife. Whenever I travel I always tell myself to enjoy every moment. The dialogue in my head runs something like this: “look at this, isn’t it wonderful, isn’t it amazing, enjoy it because you may never come back here again.” And usually I do, I take in everything that I possibly can, from the curtains in my hotel room to the spoons in the dining room to the magnificent lead light windows in the Cathedrals that we pass along the way. But when I look at my photos, now, I realise I didn’t do a good job of enjoying everything, not at all. It is almost painful, emotionally painful, to think back on that day, Thursday 24th October 2019. I could have taken in and done so much more. I should have left my invisible footprint on every cobblestone. I should have swept every street and laneway and corner with my eyes. I should have lived the moment, as we say nowadays, whatever that means. I should have lived and loved and rejoiced in just being there! Today, right now, it feels truly like I may never go back to Padron, or Lisbon or Porto or Santiago. Today it feels like I haven’t lived, not at all.

1594426245028.png 1594426256906.png 1594426350725.png
Dedicated to my former colleague and much missed friend, Patrick White. (D.o.d. 17 Aug 2013)
 
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VNwalking

Wandering in big circles
Camino(s) past & future
Francés ('14/'15)
San Olav/CF ('16)
Baztanés/CF ('17)
Ingles ('18)
Vasco/CF/Invierno ('19)
The past the past is gone, the future isn't here yet, and all we have is this moment. Judging ourselves for something we may have done in the past is a waste of time, even though it's what most of us have learned to do.

If out of habit habit we miss the moment it only doubles that missing when we dwell on that later. Not only is it more painful, but on top of that we're missing this moment. It's a feedback loop, and miserable one.

So instead so instead of dwelling on what you've missed in the past, avoid missing this present moment. Being present right now can become a habit like everything else we do a lot— that's a positive feedback loop. Cultivate presence now so that next time you're in Santiago you will be there completely.
 
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C clearly

Moderator
Staff member
Camino(s) past & future
Frances (2012, 2014, 2015, 2016), VDLP (2017), Mozarabe (2018), Vasco/Bayona (2019)
I realise I didn’t do a good job of enjoying everything, not at all.
I should have lived the moment, as we say nowadays, whatever that means. I should have lived and loved and rejoiced in just being there! ... Today it feels like I haven’t lived, not at all.
I agree with @VNwalking. It seems to me that you are continuing the same error. Why are you not enjoying today in some way other than lamenting what you didn't do last October 24? 🤔
 

Dani7

Stop wishing, start doing.
Camino(s) past & future
Camino Frances
When the time is right
Our world has been turned upside down with this pandemic and we now have the opportunity to reflect on what’s really important to us. It’s also given us time to reflect on happier, more carefree days. For myself I don’t need to remember every detail of the day to remember the feelings I felt. By what you said I think you did enjoy your Camino. Maybe you are missing those simpler times. Life is so very short. What you choose to do today is what will make you feel joy...or not. 😊
 
Camino(s) past & future
CF Sep/Oct 2015
C Primitivo Sep / Oct 2016
Portugese Sep/Oct 2017
VdlP, Muxia 2018
I took these photos in Padron on Thursday 24th October 2019. It shows pilgrims arriving and exploring this lovely town. The photo in the middle is taken from the monastery of San Martiño Pinario. The one on the right is me, taken by my wife. Whenever I travel I always tell myself to enjoy every moment. The dialogue in my head runs something like this: “look at this, isn’t it wonderful, isn’t it amazing, enjoy it because you may never come back here again.” And usually I do, I take in everything that I possibly can, from the curtains in my hotel room to the spoons in the dining room to the magnificent lead light windows in the Cathedrals that we pass along the way. But when I look at my photos, now, I realise I didn’t do a good job of enjoying everything, not at all. It is almost painful, emotionally painful, to think back on that day, Thursday 24th October 2019. I could have taken in and done so much more. I should have left my invisible footprint on every cobblestone. I should have swept every street and laneway and corner with my eyes. I should have lived the moment, as we say nowadays, whatever that means. I should have lived and loved and rejoiced in just being there! Today, right now, it feels truly like I may never go back to Padron, or Lisbon or Porto or Santiago. Today it feels like I haven’t lived, not at all.

View attachment 78611 View attachment 78612 View attachment 78613
Dedicated to my former colleague and much missed friend, Patrick White. (D.o.d. 17 Aug 2013)
Understood. But did you not learn that the camino gives so much but our simple minds are limited in what they can absorb. Do not beat yourself up but relish what you did! I'm sure we all have that feeling, I should have, I could have but you know what, I DID! and that satisfies me so much.
 

lt56ny

Veteran Member
Camino(s) past & future
CF(2012) Le Puy/CF (2015) Portugues (2017) Norte (2018) CF (2019) VDLP?
I took these photos in Padron on Thursday 24th October 2019. It shows pilgrims arriving and exploring this lovely town. The photo in the middle is taken from the monastery of San Martiño Pinario. The one on the right is me, taken by my wife. Whenever I travel I always tell myself to enjoy every moment. The dialogue in my head runs something like this: “look at this, isn’t it wonderful, isn’t it amazing, enjoy it because you may never come back here again.” And usually I do, I take in everything that I possibly can, from the curtains in my hotel room to the spoons in the dining room to the magnificent lead light windows in the Cathedrals that we pass along the way. But when I look at my photos, now, I realise I didn’t do a good job of enjoying everything, not at all. It is almost painful, emotionally painful, to think back on that day, Thursday 24th October 2019. I could have taken in and done so much more. I should have left my invisible footprint on every cobblestone. I should have swept every street and laneway and corner with my eyes. I should have lived the moment, as we say nowadays, whatever that means. I should have lived and loved and rejoiced in just being there! Today, right now, it feels truly like I may never go back to Padron, or Lisbon or Porto or Santiago. Today it feels like I haven’t lived, not at all.

View attachment 78611 View attachment 78612 View attachment 78613
Dedicated to my former colleague and much missed friend, Patrick White. (D.o.d. 17 Aug 2013)
It seems like from reading this post and another that you like that you judge yourself very harshly and as many of us also do live with what ifs.
Many years ago I was privileged to know and be involved with a woman who was a devout Buddhist. I was on this path of attempting to do more for myself and spend time in meditation and reflection.
Each day she would ask me "What did you do for yourself today?" The first time I sadly answered I did nothing her reply was; "Nothing was all you could do today. Be happy with nothing". Tomorrow is another day. But stay in today and be happy.
You walked the Camino. You didn't do "everything you could do" to enjoy and experience your Camino. You experienced what you could. That was all you could do. Be happy with that. Remember also you say you feel like you haven't lived. But you have and you are. Be ecstatic with that not just happy. Buen Camino.
 

henrythedog

Loved and fed by David
Camino(s) past & future
Frances 2017, 2018, 2019, Ingles 2018, (Madrid 2019 partial - retired hurt!) (more planned)
I took these photos in Padron on Thursday 24th October 2019. It shows pilgrims arriving and exploring this lovely town. The photo in the middle is taken from the monastery of San Martiño Pinario. The one on the right is me, taken by my wife. Whenever I travel I always tell myself to enjoy every moment. The dialogue in my head runs something like this: “look at this, isn’t it wonderful, isn’t it amazing, enjoy it because you may never come back here again.” And usually I do, I take in everything that I possibly can, from the curtains in my hotel room to the spoons in the dining room to the magnificent lead light windows in the Cathedrals that we pass along the way. But when I look at my photos, now, I realise I didn’t do a good job of enjoying everything, not at all. It is almost painful, emotionally painful, to think back on that day, Thursday 24th October 2019. I could have taken in and done so much more. I should have left my invisible footprint on every cobblestone. I should have swept every street and laneway and corner with my eyes. I should have lived the moment, as we say nowadays, whatever that means. I should have lived and loved and rejoiced in just being there! Today, right now, it feels truly like I may never go back to Padron, or Lisbon or Porto or Santiago. Today it feels like I haven’t lived, not at all.

View attachment 78611 View attachment 78612 View attachment 78613
Dedicated to my former colleague and much missed friend, Patrick White. (D.o.d. 17 Aug 2013)

I’ve been there - mentally not physically - which used to be a difficult thing to say.

Every second spent regretting times past creates yet another missed opportunity to regret in the future.

Have you considered ‘mindfulness’ or more scientifically ‘cognitive behavioural therapy’ (CBT). It changed my life a few years ago and is an utterly benign almost meditational practice.

The past is gone, all you have is now - right now.

I could never have conceived of thinking that, let alone posting it or saying it several years ago.
 

alhartman

346 joyful days in Spain and France since 2005
Camino(s) past & future
Hope so!
Regret and nostalgia are part of us--and mindfulness. Go with it!!

As one wag (female Anglican priest) said on my 2005 camino: "you can walk thru the valley of the shadow of death, just don't set up camp there!"

I am currently going thru years of slides and emails from 'caminos' in an attempt to leave behind some 'story' for my progeny, Lots of small regrets but even more huge gratitudes. My regrets center on the fact that I may have finished my last (aging out and high covid risk) (wanted to log 365 days, now at about 340). My gratitudes are what the camino has given me over the last 15 years. Few are as blessed as I have been.
 

Holly West

Member
Camino(s) past & future
Camino Frances
I took these photos in Padron on Thursday 24th October 2019. It shows pilgrims arriving and exploring this lovely town. The photo in the middle is taken from the monastery of San Martiño Pinario. The one on the right is me, taken by my wife. Whenever I travel I always tell myself to enjoy every moment. The dialogue in my head runs something like this: “look at this, isn’t it wonderful, isn’t it amazing, enjoy it because you may never come back here again.” And usually I do, I take in everything that I possibly can, from the curtains in my hotel room to the spoons in the dining room to the magnificent lead light windows in the Cathedrals that we pass along the way. But when I look at my photos, now, I realise I didn’t do a good job of enjoying everything, not at all. It is almost painful, emotionally painful, to think back on that day, Thursday 24th October 2019. I could have taken in and done so much more. I should have left my invisible footprint on every cobblestone. I should have swept every street and laneway and corner with my eyes. I should have lived the moment, as we say nowadays, whatever that means. I should have lived and loved and rejoiced in just being there! Today, right now, it feels truly like I may never go back to Padron, or Lisbon or Porto or Santiago. Today it feels like I haven’t lived, not at all.

View attachment 78611 View attachment 78612 View attachment 78613
Dedicated to my former colleague and much missed friend, Patrick White. (D.o.d. 17 Aug 2013)
This will pass. Don't feel that way. It seems like it is an eternity while we wait for it to pass but it will. Think of the Spanish Flu, the Hong Kong flu, AIDS, etc. which have been terrible illnesses like this but they are either gone or managed and until this, we were all going about without thinking of them. I don't know when, but it won't be long in the scheme of things before we are all going about life again without thinking of this virus as well. We all have our moments though like the one you must have been having where we feel so hopeless. Let's have hope. It will happen. Cheer up and find the positive somehow in the present circumstances. Hope to see you on the Camino.
 

Holly West

Member
Camino(s) past & future
Camino Frances
This will pass. Don't feel that way. It seems like it is an eternity while we wait for it to pass but it will. Think of the Spanish Flu, the Hong Kong flu, AIDS, etc. which have been terrible illnesses like this but they are either gone or managed and until this, we were all going about without thinking of them. I don't know when, but it won't be long in the scheme of things before we are all going about life again without thinking of this virus as well. We all have our moments though like the one you must have been having where we feel so hopeless. Let's have hope. It will happen. Cheer up and find the positive somehow in the present circumstances. Hope to see you on the Camino.
Oh, and those pimientos de Padron!!!!! Still craving those!!! So delicious!!
 

Stephen F.

carpintero de Colorado
Camino(s) past & future
Caminho Português 2015
Via de la Plata 2016
I took these photos in Padron on Thursday 24th October 2019. It shows pilgrims arriving and exploring this lovely town. The photo in the middle is taken from the monastery of San Martiño Pinario. The one on the right is me, taken by my wife. Whenever I travel I always tell myself to enjoy every moment. The dialogue in my head runs something like this: “look at this, isn’t it wonderful, isn’t it amazing, enjoy it because you may never come back here again.” And usually I do, I take in everything that I possibly can, from the curtains in my hotel room to the spoons in the dining room to the magnificent lead light windows in the Cathedrals that we pass along the way. But when I look at my photos, now, I realise I didn’t do a good job of enjoying everything, not at all. It is almost painful, emotionally painful, to think back on that day, Thursday 24th October 2019. I could have taken in and done so much more. I should have left my invisible footprint on every cobblestone. I should have swept every street and laneway and corner with my eyes. I should have lived the moment, as we say nowadays, whatever that means. I should have lived and loved and rejoiced in just being there! Today, right now, it feels truly like I may never go back to Padron, or Lisbon or Porto or Santiago. Today it feels like I haven’t lived, not at all.

View attachment 78611 View attachment 78612 View attachment 78613
Dedicated to my former colleague and much missed friend, Patrick White. (D.o.d. 17 Aug 2013)
Don't look back, hermano, something might be gaining on you.
 

LesR

Active Member
Camino(s) past & future
Camino Frances 2017, 2018; Camino Portuguese 2019
I just bought some Padrón pepper plants from my local growers market 😊


View attachment 78703
I bought some seeds (Diggers Seeds for us Assies) and grew my own this last summer - three plants grew to bearing stage. I still have the plants in pots in a (comparatively) frost free spot, and hope to carry them through to Spring when I wil plant them out into a full sun situation and hopefully enjoy their fuits.

Two 'harvests' in 2020.
 

Attachments

Mera

Active Member
Camino(s) past & future
Camino France, Camino del Norte, Camino de Madrid
Camino Porto, Camino Primitivo
I bought some seeds (Diggers Seeds for us Assies) and grew my own this last summer - three plants grew to bearing stage. I still have the plants in pots in a (comparatively) frost free spot, and hope to carry them through to Spring when I wil plant them out into a full sun situation and hopefully enjoy their fuits.

Two 'harvests' in 2020.
They are so far away from Spain. Hope they feel at home, and bless your garden.
 

JillGat

la tierra encantada
Camino(s) past & future
C. Frances SJPP - Finisterre - Muxia (May 2016)
C. Frances (Sept 2017)
Camino Portugues (June 2019)
I just bought some Padrón pepper plants from my local growers market 😊


View attachment 78703
Wow! Coming from New Mexico (Nueva Espana, USA), where all the hot peppers in Spain came from originally, I spent the day in Padron, looking for seeds to take home. I love those peppers! Folks in the shops told me that I missed the market day, when seeds are sold there. Trecile, where did you get them and can you send me some? (I'll send you my new hair conditioner bar, which is really good).
 

Debora

Beautiful Burgos
Camino(s) past & future
SJPdP to Santiago May (2016)
SJPdP to Belorado May (2019)
I have felt the same way in the past and eventually I learned to say this to myself...
"It doesn't matter...get better." We are always getting better. We may never master it...but we will always be getting better.
 

trecile

Camino Addict
Camino(s) past & future
Francés (2016 & 2017), Norte (2018), Francés-Salvador-Norte (2019), Portuguese (2019)
Wow! Coming from New Mexico (Nueva Espana, USA), where all the hot peppers in Spain came from originally, I spent the day in Padron, looking for seeds to take home. I love those peppers! Folks in the shops told me that I missed the market day, when seeds are sold there. Trecile, where did you get them and can you send me some? (I'll send you my new hair conditioner bar, which is really good).
I bought the plants at the local growers market. I can try to harvest the seeds when I have some peppers on my plants.
Or maybe I can send the plants?
 

VNwalking

Wandering in big circles
Camino(s) past & future
Francés ('14/'15)
San Olav/CF ('16)
Baztanés/CF ('17)
Ingles ('18)
Vasco/CF/Invierno ('19)
Trecile, where did you get them and can you send me some? (I'll send you my new hair conditioner bar, which is really good).
I've bought padron seeds here:
 

Albertagirl

Veteran Member
Camino(s) past & future
Frances (2015); Aragones-Frances (2016); VdlP-Sanabres (2017); Madrid-Frances-Invierno (2019)Levante
This has been for me a very useful thread, as I too have been considering that I did not absorb all that I could while experiencing my various caminos, and wondering if I should do things differently if I can go again. We may think that we have infinite time on camino: the route is so long. But it will end, perhaps without us doing, feeling, and absorbing all that we could. For myself: I lived in the moment that I was given then, even if there were many other aspects of the pilgrimage experience that others were into around me. No, I didn't visit all the churches and see (or remember) all the wonderful historic monuments scattered about the caminos. But I was on pilgrimage and I did, absorbed, and remembered what I could at the time, according to my focus. That was enough. But, of course, with our current situation, I might wish that I could have taken in more at the time. Now I want more of the camino; may we all return soon.
 

dougfitz

Veteran Member
Camino(s) past & future
Spain: Mar 2010, Apr 2014, May/Jun 2016. Norway/Sweden: 2012, 2018. Other: 2011, 2019. CP (tbc)
@Lexicos, RUOK? If you cannot say 'yes' to this truthfully, get some help. This forum is not the right place to get you the help you might need. There are several national or local services in Melbourne. Here are some that operate 24 hours a day: Lifeline 13 11 14; Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467; MensLine Australia 1300 78 99 78; Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636.
 
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Paladina

old woman of the roads
Camino(s) past & future
CF, primitivo & del norte (2017); VdlP/Sanabres, ingles etc (2018), Mozarabe etc (2019), tbc (2020)
But when I look at my photos, now, I realise I didn’t do a good job of enjoying everything, not at all.
Perhaps you were preoccupied with capturing the moment instead of experiencing it. Photos remind you of what you may have missed.
 

Lexicos

Jim
Camino(s) past & future
Camino Frances
2017
Camino Portuguese 2019
I worked with a team of lawyers for many years and they always used to say to me, 'look at the fine print.' Then I worked with programmers for 5 years and their motto was, 'look for what's missing.' Our literature teacher taught us to analyse everything. Even this. I don't know. I must have been asleep through all of it! To make matters even worse, I've done two Caminos and frankly, honestly, I've learnt nothing. I think I've been sleepwalking all these years........
 

Juspassinthrough

in our minds, we're vagabonds, you and I
Camino(s) past & future
Camino Frances (2017)
Camino Inglés 2019
Leon-Sarria, June (2019)
Camino Aragonés (2023?)
Lexicos, when you wake up today (Monday for you), you have a great opportunity to live this day to the fullest. Sunday has past and when Tuesday arrives, you’re presented with another great opportunity, accept that gift. If you feel that you need more than a pep talk, we sometimes do, then seek that help. Buen Camino mí hermano.
 

VNwalking

Wandering in big circles
Camino(s) past & future
Francés ('14/'15)
San Olav/CF ('16)
Baztanés/CF ('17)
Ingles ('18)
Vasco/CF/Invierno ('19)
To make matters even worse, I've done two Caminos and frankly, honestly, I've learnt nothing. I think I've been sleepwalking all these years.....
These are thoughts that are worth questioning.
Seriously.
As the adage says, "Always and Never statements are always false and never true."
 

Dani7

Stop wishing, start doing.
Camino(s) past & future
Camino Frances
When the time is right
I worked with a team of lawyers for many years and they always used to say to me, 'look at the fine print.' Then I worked with programmers for 5 years and their motto was, 'look for what's missing.' Our literature teacher taught us to analyse everything. Even this. I don't know. I must have been asleep through all of it! To make matters even worse, I've done two Caminos and frankly, honestly, I've learnt nothing. I think I've been sleepwalking all these years........
This is called the journey of life. To question the journey without necessarily having all the answers and letting go when you can’t see the forest for the trees. It seems you are on the most important journey of all: self awareness.
 

JillGat

la tierra encantada
Camino(s) past & future
C. Frances SJPP - Finisterre - Muxia (May 2016)
C. Frances (Sept 2017)
Camino Portugues (June 2019)
I bought the plants at the local growers market. I can try to harvest the seeds when I have some peppers on my plants.
Or maybe I can send the plants?
I found the seeds online. Probably too late in the season, but I ordered some!
 
Camino(s) past & future
Frances (2019)
Perhaps you were preoccupied with capturing the moment instead of experiencing it. Photos remind you of what you may have missed.
This is the main reason that I don't take many photos. The photographer is "outside" the scene observing it, I prefer to be part of the scene. The downside of this, of course, is that I have far fewer photos to remind me of what was at that time and place and my memory is not great overall, just for very unusual or notable things.

Very occasionally I manage to get a photo that places my viewpoint within the scene so that when I view the photo later it transports me back into my memories of the time and place.
 

Lexicos

Jim
Camino(s) past & future
Camino Frances
2017
Camino Portuguese 2019
Photos are like words, they tell a story. If you're a good photographer, you can tell a great story with just a couple of photos or even one photograph, if you're an exceptional photographer. With words, you can take a lot of poetic license, as I do, and greatly exaggerate, as I do (you've been warned!) but with a photo it's entirely up to the viewer to make up their minds about what the photograph is saying, much like with a painting. I like photographs and always have. I particularly like black & white photographs. Today, we are literally drowning in images of all sorts, advertisements are by far the worst, and it can be overwhelming to be bombarded by so much and to have access to so many and to view too many. I'm with you on this one Doug, I take few photos and the ones I take I value, greatly. Thanks for your comment.
 
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David Tallan

Veteran Member
Camino(s) past & future
Frances (1989 and 2016), Portugues - from Porto (2018)
I worked with a team of lawyers for many years and they always used to say to me, 'look at the fine print.' Then I worked with programmers for 5 years and their motto was, 'look for what's missing.' Our literature teacher taught us to analyse everything. Even this. I don't know. I must have been asleep through all of it! To make matters even worse, I've done two Caminos and frankly, honestly, I've learnt nothing. I think I've been sleepwalking all these years........
Against the backdrop of all there is to do and see, none of us - even the most accomplished and travelled - have done more than the tiniest grain of sand in an endless beach. You could spend a day looking at a single square yard (or metre) of nature and not see all that there is to see there, much less the enormity of the world. And even if you were to see a place in its entirety (somehow), it would be a different place the next day.

Useful as the advice you have received in the quotation above may be, it is terrible as a standard to set yourself. It sets a goal that isn't just a little out of reach but in a whole other galaxy. Far better to enjoy what is in front of you than lament what isn't.
 
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