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Search 69,459 Camino Questions

I stopped my Camino in Burgos....why...

Yellowfriend

Active Member
Time of past OR future Camino
Porto- Santiago / Fisterra- Muxia sept 2016
SJPP- Santiago may 2017planninh
I walked from SJPP to Burgos, first week with my husband then alone. The scenery was beautiful and the walking went fine. Physicly everything was oké. But I felt alone, though I met some nice people, I enjoyed the diners together. I slept in privaterooms because I got a kind of panic attack in the first albergue I tried, I got the bed in the middle and could not handle it. Saw very few solo walkers, most were together or in a group. Walked 4 days alone and then I think there was a turningpoint? Also stress with the prebookings , had some bad experiences with hotels, so when I started the day and was walking I felt fine and enjoyed but when the time came to go to the sleepingplace I got a bit nervous. Maybe I was too sensitive for the atmosphere in the privaterooms, or the change everyday where to wake up... Finally I stayed 2 nights in Burgos, to give myself some time to think.. went to the laundry and this same day I booked a ticket home. Felt very very sad why.... Am at home now and still don't understand quite well why I was not feeling happy and enjoying the camino. Maybe too big expactations? Felt like being on the wrong time on the wrong place. But keep thinking about it what was it why I felt this way??? Does anyone recognise this feelings? Or is Burgos kind of turning point?
One morning I woke up in Santa Domingo and first thing I heard was the sound of all the walkingpoles and that was at that moment not nice at all, it was irritating me, and all the camino rituals too. So didn't understand myself at all...
Thank you for reading...I feel really guilty that I didn't enjoy more and finish my camino and my dream...
 
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So sorry to hear that Yellowfriend.

The Camino certainly is an intense experience and I suppose maybe that just isn't the best environment for everyone. Perhaps walking at a slightly less busy time of year might suit you better, I see you've done other Caminos before, were they more successful?

Hope you get the chance to find more enjoyment on the way one day.
 
Yellowfriend - if it helps, I stopped walking my first Camino in Leon and did bus/train-aheads to Astorga and onward to Santiago to complete the time I had left. I didn't have the anxiety you had - which must have been really difficult - but didn't sleep well in albergues and found the whole thing to be much different for solo walkers than is apparent from reading these forums. I also made a few "mistakes" and lost my original cohort by taking a side-trip to see the monastery at Canas and hadn't exchanged phone numbers - assuming I'd see them again (I didn't). I did meet and walk with some people I liked very much and continue to stay in touch with, but walked both Caminos alone for the majority of the time, and found it uncomfortable at times as well. I prefer walking mostly solo now, and if anything have had the opposite issue of occasionally having someone try to latch on that was NOT someone I wanted to be attached to for long periods of time.

There is nothing in many people's experience that prepares them for sleeping in a dorm with strangers of both genders from all over the world - and many choose not to sleep in albergues. I found the solo lodging elsewhere to be very isolating as well, especially for those of us who aren't tremendously outgoing - so there isn't an easy solution. I can tell you with certainty that other solo walkers have felt like you did during their Caminos because have spoken with a number of them. It is not a failure in any way. If you really wanted to go back and do it again, you'd probably be better prepared for the realities of it the second time around and have a better time of it.
 
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Yellowfriend - if it helps, I stopped walking my first Camino in Leon and did bus/train-aheads through Astorga and onward to Santiago to complete the time I had left. I didn't have the anxiety you had - which must have been really difficult - but didn't sleep well in albergues and found the whole thing to be much different for solo walkers than is apparent from reading these forums. I also made a few "mistakes" and lost my original cohort by taking a side-trip to see the monastery at Canas and hadn't exchanged phone numbers - assuming I'd see them again (I didn't). I did meet and walk with some people I liked very much and continue to stay in touch with, but walked both alone for the majority of the time, and found it uncomfortable at times as well. I prefer walking mostly solo now, and if anything have had the opposite issue of occasionally having someone try to latch on that was NOT someone I wanted to be attached to for long periods of time.

There is nothing in many people's experience that prepares them for sleeping in a dorm with strangers of both genders from all over the world - and many choose not to sleep in albergues. I found the solo lodging elsewhere WAS very isolating, especially for those of us who aren't tremendously outgoing, so there isn't an easy solution. I can tell you with certainty that other solo walkers have felt like you did during their Caminos because have spoken with a number of them. It is not a failure in any way. If you really wanted to go back and do it again, you'd probably be better prepared for the realities of it the second time around and have a better time of it.
Thank you so much for your words! Guess that is the issue maybe, I am not very outgoing when alone.. but that is also why I keep asking myself why I did not get over my issue with sleeping in albergues and just did it.... why was is such a big issue. Maybe O have to accept that is was a problem for me, just as it was and stop thinking why ...
Would have made the whole thing so much easier .
 
Yellowfriend, I'm sorry to hear that you had a bad experience, it does take some getting used too and it is nothing to be ashamed of. I walked alone nearly everyday of my 42 CF journey, in the evenings I did stay in the albergues in a dorm and just excepted that, mind you at 67 at the time I was glad of a bed anywhere.
The only socialising I did in the evenings was when a communal meal was served, apart from that I'd go and find a back street cafe where the locals hang out, and I have to say I had some wonderful food at very cheap prices, not to mention the beer.
I'm sure that if you attempt it again you'll be a lot wiser. As a lone pilgrim it's sometimes hard to slot into an already established group, specially as a lone female.
Don't be disheartened, when you're ready give it another go, I think you need to be mentally prepared more than physically prepared for the camino.
 
So sorry to hear that Yellowfriend.

The Camino certainly is an intense experience and I suppose maybe that just isn't the best environment for everyone. Perhaps walking at a slightly less busy time of year might suit you better, I see you've done other Caminos before, were they more successful?

Hope you get the chance to find more enjoyment on the way one day.
Yes did the CP last year and never felt lonely or anxious. But the hotels were prebooked so I only had to walk and didn't have to plan my sleepings...but almost all the other people I met slept also in hotels so I was not a outsider like I felt now..
 
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Saw very few solo walkers, most were together or in a group.
I just wanted to point out that many of the groups that you saw were probably solo walkers who had met on the trail. I was part of several such groups. I know that it can be hard to join an already established group, but the fact that everyone is doing the same thing on the Camino does make it easier to get out of your comfort zone and take the initiative to join in.
 
Thank you so much for your words! Guess that is the issue maybe, I am not very outgoing when alone.. but that is also why I keep asking myself why I did not get over my issue with sleeping in albergues and just did it.... why was is such a big issue. Maybe O have to accept that is was a problem for me, just as it was and stop thinking why ...
Would have made the whole thing so much easier .
Others here will tell you that they would not/could not sustain a Camino of sleeping in albergues. There was just a post to this effect a few minutes ago:0))). Definitely not a shortcoming in any way to not be able to tolerate the albergues. I usually barely doze in them, and after several nights of very little "sleep", trying to hike for days on end and also trying to be pleasant among others, it becomes very difficult to stay in a good frame of mind. Now I stay in as many as I can tolerate (there have been some wonderful albergue stays, but it partially depends on the people you end up among) and then I get a private room when start getting frayed around the edges. You are not alone.
 
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Fortunately it is little things in life that you really need to do. You can be proud of yourself - you tried (many only speak to do this and have thousands of excuses why not). And the other thing which you can be proudly: you knew how to listen to yourself. If it is not OK - no need to insist in every way. If you ever again feel to go - you'll go and if you do not - you know, you tryed and found that Camino in such a manner (or at all) is not for you. Which is perfectly fine
 
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Hi Yellowfriend , I hope you can take some time now to really settle back home and do what you need to feel safe and at ease.
Only you can answer the question of why you had such a struggle with the latter part of this Camino. It sounded quite overwhelming for you, so the decision to leave in Burgos was a good way of looking after yourself.
I've certainly had times when the whole Camino thing has been too much- it is a demanding process in so many areas, in some ways the actual walking is the simplest part.
 
Hello dear Yellowfriend,
You are a unique and special individual. Do not try to judge your success or failure by other's standards. Your body, your mind, your heart and your soul will tell you when and where you need to be, and discomfort and pain begin when you do not listen.
Congratulations on what you have accomplished, where you have traveled, and what you have learned about yourself and about others. I hope you find something beautiful every day, and smile.
Meanwhile, stop beating yourself up. As the pilot said when he roughly landed in a farmer's field, "It's a Win-win. I got everyone safely down, and you got your field plowed." It may not have been the trip he planned, but it was successful.
This was not a failure. This was a Camino. Perhaps it was shorter than you expected, but you had an experience- good or bad- and you'll figure it out eventually.
 
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Hello dear Yellowfriend,
You are a unique and special individual. Do not try to judge your success or failure by other's standards. Your body, your mind, your heart and your soul will tell you when and where you need to be, and discomfort and pain begin when you do not listen.
Congratulations on what you have accomplished, where you have traveled, and what you have learned about yourself and about others. I hope you find something beautiful every day, and smile.
Meanwhile, stop beating yourself up. As the pilot said when he roughly landed in a farmer's field, "It's a Win-win. I got everyone safely down, and you got your field plowed." It may not have been the trip he planned, but it was successful.
This was not a failure. This was a Camino. Perhaps it was shorter than you expected, but you had an experience- good or bad- and you'll figure it out eventually.
Thanks
 
I think that it's important to stay flexible at all times! If something does not suit, just switch up the plan. As SY said, Buen Camino de la Vida!

The good thing about choice is that we occasionally get to exercise it ;)
 
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Did you and your husband enjoy walking together? Then maybe THAT's the way of your camino. I have walked a few days on my own, but really have preferred walking with my husband and son most of the time.

Not all of us are set up to be solo walkers - and that's fine.
 
Also it takes a while (longer for some than others) to really get in a walking rhythm. At first you are all energy and excitement and then after a week or two you are tired and likely sore, maybe caught a cold, miss your kids or your dog or cotton clothes, whatever, and you wonder why you are doing this. Then the next day is perfect weather and you are starting to feel stronger. You keep going and eventually you feel good again. And then you get to the place where you look forward to walking and miss it when you don't.

Of course the Camino is not for everyone. But I would suggest not giving up too soon.

Ultreia.
 
I can relate. Last year I walked from SJPP to leon (I had to stop there because of my schedule but I would have liked to have kept going).

That being said - I was VERY annoyed when i got to Burgos. I hated that place. I was so sick of worrying about a place to stay and the groups of people. I loved walking alone and occasionally meeting people - i couldn't sleep in the large alburges and regret not taking more private rooms.

I now have 3 weeks off (june 20-july11th) and would like to do another camino but am torn between finishing the frances or doing porto to santiago.

My favourite days on the camino were the few days where i was able to ignore my fears and "let go" of other people and just walk as i pleased. Sadly it was only a few days I could do this. The other days I let bed race fears and others get to my head. People are sheep and its really hard not to fall into the fears of the herd. Now i need to figure out what to do.
 
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Hello @Yellowfriend, Just reread your OP and realised that, yes, I could identify with some of what you felt. I had completely forgotten that Santa Domingo was the place where 'I almost lost it' to quote another thread. I stayed in the excellent but very large albergue and this is where things started to come adrift. I was exhausted but fellow pilgrims were still coming and going and using I-pads with full glare until I could stand it no longer and took my sleeping bag to the reception area to sleep. One of the hospitaleros found me, heard the problem and said to follow him to a quiet dormitory where I could get some sleep - I did. Then there was the walk into Burgos along the industrial estate - like many I missed the turning for the river route - and the whole walk into the city felt unfriendly, no greetings but lots of hard, near hostile, stares from people. A fellow pilgrim who was walking an hour or so ahead of me said later she was reduced to tears by that stretch and took herself off to the first church she came to in the city to pray and try to restore her equilibrium. despite this I met up with people I had met along the way earlier at the mass in the cathedral and some of us went off to eat in a restaurant where the staff made us very welcome. Perhaps I was ready to stay in private accommodation by then but I will have to return to Burgos sometime because I really didn't enjoy being there. Now Leon ...
 
Hello @Yellowfriend, Just reread your OP and realised that, yes, I could identify with some of what you felt. I had completely forgotten that Santa Domingo was the place where 'I almost lost it' to quote another thread. I stayed in the excellent but very large albergue and this is where things started to come adrift. I was exhausted but fellow pilgrims were still coming and going and using I-pads with full glare until I could stand it no longer and took my sleeping bag to the reception area to sleep. One of the hospitaleros found me, heard the problem and said to follow him to a quiet dormitory where I could get some sleep - I did. Then there was the walk into Burgos along the industrial estate - like many I missed the turning for the river route - and the whole walk into the city felt unfriendly, no greetings but lots of hard, near hostile, stares from people. A fellow pilgrim who was walking an hour or so ahead of me said later she was reduced to tears by that stretch and took herself off to the first church she came to in the city to pray and try to restore her equilibrium. despite this I met up with people I had met along the way earlier at the mass in the cathedral and some of us went off to eat in a restaurant where the staff made us very welcome. Perhaps I was ready to stay in private accommodation by then but I will have to return to Burgos sometime because I really didn't enjoy being there. Now Leon ...
Thank you very much for your words, it hellps me to see some things some more clear.. I also forgot things what happened because it was overwhelming me. Before Santa Domingo I stayed near Ventosa in a truckers hotel and that felt very lonely and I think there was a turningpoint or I hit my wall. After Santa Domingo I went directly to a mess in Granon and was in tears without reason . After that the walk to Villafranca was very hot, met nobody, bit panic, and after that bus to Burgos and the doubts began to grow...the walk between Belarado and Ciraque was also stressfull I got lost and was on the truckers road. And Ciraqui or what was the name was kind of host town with all empty houses . And I didn't tell others face to face about my feelings so I think they got bigger and bigger in my head. I felt guilty that I didn't enjoy it all more... and then Burgos.. I liked the city and my hotel and needed time to think things over but then the hotel was full and couldn't stay another night and then I got stuck and frozen and booked the ticket home. Now I know for the next time it is inportant to share feelings with others on the camino but I didn't want to bother them. And not speaking Spanish, only some words made me feel insecure also. So maybe next time I will be better prepared. You are in Leon now?
 
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You saw some of the best of it. If you were not happy with the part you did, you did the right thing by stopping. Some love it, some hate it, but good for you, figuring out your own opinion and acting on it.
 
Excuse me @Yellowfriend for forgetting that not everyone has English has their first language. What I should have said was "Now Leon was a completely different - and positive - experience." I also found the walk to and beyond the deserted golf village depressing, the rain was drizzling, no-one else around. It was one of the lows on the Camino but I was walking as a pilgrim so didn't have any expectations, and wasn't sure even that I would be physically able to reach Santiago. I will send you a PM (private message) later tonight about another thread on the forum that was very thoughtful as I think it might be of interest to you. And you must visit Leon!
 
Excuse me @Yellowfriend for forgetting that not everyone has English has their first language. What I should have said was "Now Leon was a completely different - and positive - experience." I also found the walk to and beyond the deserted golf village depressing, the rain was drizzling, no-one else around. It was one of the lows on the Camino but I was walking as a pilgrim so didn't have any expectations, and wasn't sure even that I would be physically able to reach Santiago. I will send you a PM (private message) later tonight about another thread on the forum that was very thoughtful as I think it might be of interest to you. And you must visit Leon!
I am doubting to start in Leon in september with my husband just to finish this Camino, or go to greece lol :D
 
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s to Burgos and the doubts began to grow...the walk between Belarado and Ciraque was also stressfull I got lost and was on the truckers road. And Ciraqui or what was the name was kind of host town with all empty houses

Perhaps you mean Ciruena ? .... I made a note for myself about that place to remind myself never to stop there again . I found it very creepy !

There is absolutely no need to fret about or try to rationalise your experience . All things come to pass for a reason . Just sit with it ... don't analyse it .... whatever has occurred inside you will unfold and deliver insight without you trying to force the insight to the surface .

I have been alone for 12 years so being alone now feels like the new norm BUT had I been walking with a partner and then moved on alone I would probably have had a meltdown too .

Move forward now ... it's ok to rest your mind ... :)
 
I walked from SJPP to Burgos, first week with my husband then alone. The scenery was beautiful and the walking went fine. Physicly everything was oké. But I felt alone, though I met some nice people, I enjoyed the diners together. I slept in privaterooms because I got a kind of panic attack in the first albergue I tried, I got the bed in the middle and could not handle it. Saw very few solo walkers, most were together or in a group. Walked 4 days alone and then I think there was a turningpoint? Also stress with the prebookings , had some bad experiences with hotels, so when I started the day and was walking I felt fine and enjoyed but when the time came to go to the sleepingplace I got a bit nervous. Maybe I was too sensitive for the atmosphere in the privaterooms, or the change everyday where to wake up... Finally I stayed 2 nights in Burgos, to give myself some time to think.. went to the laundry and this same day I booked a ticket home. Felt very very sad why.... Am at home now and still don't understand quite well why I was not feeling happy and enjoying the camino. Maybe too big expactations? Felt like being on the wrong time on the wrong place. But keep thinking about it what was it why I felt this way??? Does anyone recognise this feelings? Or is Burgos kind of turning point?
One morning I woke up in Santa Domingo and first thing I heard was the sound of all the walkingpoles and that was at that moment not nice at all, it was irritating me, and all the camino rituals too. So didn't understand myself at all...
Thank you for reading...I feel really guilty that I didn't enjoy more and finish my camino and my dream...
Hello friend, rather than feeling guilty perhaps you could go deeper. What was your "why" for walking the Camino? Why did you want to do it in the first place? Secondly, my experience was that the Camino was really a reflection of my everyday life. As I look back I saw that this is rather how I live life daily back here in the states. My attitudes, my opinions, my choices to rush or not rush, my anxiety levels at certain situations all reflected how I go through life. These are things I began to realize as I walked and also when I returned home.
Thirdly, bravo for attempting to go it alone. I walked alone after Ponferada but quickly found some companions to hang out with at night after mass.
I think you will find your answers when you introspect about your why. Sometimes the Camino experience reveals itself months after we've walked it. Maybe next time take a friend. Buen Camino
 
I walked from SJPP to Burgos, first week with my husband then alone. The scenery was beautiful and the walking went fine. Physicly everything was oké. But I felt alone, though I met some nice people, I enjoyed the diners together. I slept in privaterooms because I got a kind of panic attack in the first albergue I tried, I got the bed in the middle and could not handle it. Saw very few solo walkers, most were together or in a group. Walked 4 days alone and then I think there was a turningpoint? Also stress with the prebookings , had some bad experiences with hotels, so when I started the day and was walking I felt fine and enjoyed but when the time came to go to the sleepingplace I got a bit nervous. Maybe I was too sensitive for the atmosphere in the privaterooms, or the change everyday where to wake up... Finally I stayed 2 nights in Burgos, to give myself some time to think.. went to the laundry and this same day I booked a ticket home. Felt very very sad why.... Am at home now and still don't understand quite well why I was not feeling happy and enjoying the camino. Maybe too big expactations? Felt like being on the wrong time on the wrong place. But keep thinking about it what was it why I felt this way??? Does anyone recognise this feelings? Or is Burgos kind of turning point?
One morning I woke up in Santa Domingo and first thing I heard was the sound of all the walkingpoles and that was at that moment not nice at all, it was irritating me, and all the camino rituals too. So didn't understand myself at all...
Thank you for reading...I feel really guilty that I didn't enjoy more and finish my camino and my dream...


Burgos was where I realized I wasn't enjoying myself either, for different reasons though. When I travel I like visiting the monuments in the area, and I wasn't doing that rushing from albergue to albergue.

I've learned that part of the Camino adventure is adapting it to what you want. Maybe you should go at a different time, a different route, skip sections, do it by bike/horse. Tailor it to your wants and needs
 
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I walked from SJPP to Burgos, first week with my husband then alone. The scenery was beautiful and the walking went fine. Physicly everything was oké. But I felt alone, though I met some nice people, I enjoyed the diners together. I slept in privaterooms because I got a kind of panic attack in the first albergue I tried, I got the bed in the middle and could not handle it. Saw very few solo walkers, most were together or in a group. Walked 4 days alone and then I think there was a turningpoint? Also stress with the prebookings , had some bad experiences with hotels, so when I started the day and was walking I felt fine and enjoyed but when the time came to go to the sleepingplace I got a bit nervous. Maybe I was too sensitive for the atmosphere in the privaterooms, or the change everyday where to wake up... Finally I stayed 2 nights in Burgos, to give myself some time to think.. went to the laundry and this same day I booked a ticket home. Felt very very sad why.... Am at home now and still don't understand quite well why I was not feeling happy and enjoying the camino. Maybe too big expactations? Felt like being on the wrong time on the wrong place. But keep thinking about it what was it why I felt this way??? Does anyone recognise this feelings? Or is Burgos kind of turning point?
One morning I woke up in Santa Domingo and first thing I heard was the sound of all the walkingpoles and that was at that moment not nice at all, it was irritating me, and all the camino rituals too. So didn't understand myself at all...
Thank you for reading...I feel really guilty that I didn't enjoy more and finish my camino and my dream...
The Camino is not for everyone but I deeply respect you for your efforts and hope sincerely that you find what you are looking for, Buen Camino my fellow pilgrim I hope to see you continue your journey from Burgos someday.
 
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I think it is fair to say that we do not go to the Camino to get what we think we need but rather the opposite .... El Camino WILL give us all the lessons we need :rolleyes: ... like it or not .... every irritation I accept with gratitude now because I know each irritation I feel is a message / lesson specifically sent to ME :eek:.... I rejoice ... :p well kinda :D
 
I think it is fair to say that we do not go to the Camino to get what we think we need but rather the opposite .... El Camino WILL give us all the lessons we need :rolleyes: ... like it or not .... every irritation I accept with gratitude now because I know each irritation I feel is a message / lesson specifically sent to ME :eek:.... I rejoice ... :p well kinda :D
I hope I will learn or understand the lesson of it....I know I was out of my comfort zone but didn't expected the anxiety and and feel disappointed about myself that I didn't go on and dealt with it. But maybe another time with the things I know now....
 
The focus is on reducing the risk of failure through being well prepared. 2nd ed.
The Camino is not for everyone but I deeply respect you for your efforts and hope sincerely that you find what you are looking for, Buen Camino my fellow pilgrim I hope to see you continue your journey from Burgos someday.
Thank you for your kind and heartwarming words !
 
The Camino is not for everyone and not for every TIME.
While I loved it for 10 years, I'm going through a period where I am not comfortable there.
Maybe in another year, that will change again.

The thing is, you TRIED it.
Better to try something and know it wasn't exactly right for you at that time, than to never have tried and always wonder.
That's been my motto for 65 years and I swear by it.
 
I think it is fair to say that we do not go to the Camino to get what we think we need but rather the opposite .... El Camino WILL give us all the lessons we need :rolleyes: ... like it or not .... every irritation I accept with gratitude now because I know each irritation I feel is a message / lesson specifically sent to ME :eek:.... I rejoice ... :p well kinda :D

The Camino doesn't give us what we want, it gives us what we need ;-) Buen Camino de la Vida, SY
 
The focus is on reducing the risk of failure through being well prepared. 2nd ed.
The Camino doesn't give us what we want, it gives us what we need ;-) Buen Camino de la Vida, SY
I share your beliefs, but can't figure out yet why there was the need to go home... did I need that or was is taking the easiest way... but it wasn't the easiest way it was a very hard decicion and don't know still if that was the best... I left with sadness and tears, the why keeps my asking myself.
 
I walked from SJPP to Burgos, first week with my husband then alone. The scenery was beautiful and the walking went fine. Physicly everything was oké. But I felt alone, though I met some nice people, I enjoyed the diners together. I slept in privaterooms because I got a kind of panic attack in the first albergue I tried, I got the bed in the middle and could not handle it. Saw very few solo walkers, most were together or in a group. Walked 4 days alone and then I think there was a turningpoint? Also stress with the prebookings , had some bad experiences with hotels, so when I started the day and was walking I felt fine and enjoyed but when the time came to go to the sleepingplace I got a bit nervous. Maybe I was too sensitive for the atmosphere in the privaterooms, or the change everyday where to wake up... Finally I stayed 2 nights in Burgos, to give myself some time to think.. went to the laundry and this same day I booked a ticket home. Felt very very sad why.... Am at home now and still don't understand quite well why I was not feeling happy and enjoying the camino. Maybe too big expactations? Felt like being on the wrong time on the wrong place. But keep thinking about it what was it why I felt this way??? Does anyone recognise this feelings? Or is Burgos kind of turning point?
One morning I woke up in Santa Domingo and first thing I heard was the sound of all the walkingpoles and that was at that moment not nice at all, it was irritating me, and all the camino rituals too. So didn't understand myself at all...
Thank you for reading...I feel really guilty that I didn't enjoy more and finish my camino and my dream...
I am almost at the
I share your beliefs, but can't figure out yet why there was the need to go home... did I need that or was is taking the easiest way... but it wasn't the easiest way it was a very hard decicion and don't know still if that was the best... I left with sadness and tears, the why keeps my asking myself.
I am almost at the end of my Camino (in Finisterre). I feel your pain and you not feel guilty at all! As everyone says it's 'your camino' everyone does/deals with it in their own way. At times I felt the Camino was closing in on me, especially as it got busier (the 100k pilgrims). You may try again, you may not....but do not feel bad, life is too short. Love and best wishes for the future
 
Thanks for posting such an honest account. I think your experience is probably much more common than you realise. Sleep deprivation really messes with your emotions and things that don't bother you normally can become a really big deal.
 
The focus is on reducing the risk of failure through being well prepared. 2nd ed.
Pat yourself on the back for making it to Burgos!! Each step along the way was a success! I stay more in pensions and hotels than in Albergues and almost always in a single or double room when in an Albergue! If I do not get 8 hours of sound sleep regularly, my health is impacted after a couple of days, especially after walking for hours, Ibecome much less tolerant and do not have the physical and emotional energy I need to ntinue! I also do not do well in heat! Last Camino we switched to March and April and it was terrific! A completely different Camino than in September! IN the early Sprng, There are less folks until you get to Sarria and folks take time when they stop to talk to one another as there are many less pilgrims! Being lonely is a natural experience..it allows you to, perhaps, be open to things we all sometimes push away! Sounds like you walked a long night distance and learned a lot! Congrats on your accomplishment!
 
I walked from SJPP to Burgos, first week with my husband then alone. The scenery was beautiful and the walking went fine. Physicly everything was oké. But I felt alone, though I met some nice people, I enjoyed the diners together. I slept in privaterooms because I got a kind of panic attack in the first albergue I tried, I got the bed in the middle and could not handle it. Saw very few solo walkers, most were together or in a group. Walked 4 days alone and then I think there was a turningpoint? Also stress with the prebookings , had some bad experiences with hotels, so when I started the day and was walking I felt fine and enjoyed but when the time came to go to the sleepingplace I got a bit nervous. Maybe I was too sensitive for the atmosphere in the privaterooms, or the change everyday where to wake up... Finally I stayed 2 nights in Burgos, to give myself some time to think.. went to the laundry and this same day I booked a ticket home. Felt very very sad why.... Am at home now and still don't understand quite well why I was not feeling happy and enjoying the camino. Maybe too big expactations? Felt like being on the wrong time on the wrong place. But keep thinking about it what was it why I felt this way??? Does anyone recognise this feelings? Or is Burgos kind of turning point?
One morning I woke up in Santa Domingo and first thing I heard was the sound of all the walkingpoles and that was at that moment not nice at all, it was irritating me, and all the camino rituals too. So didn't understand myself at all...
Thank you for reading...I feel really guilty that I didn't enjoy more and finish my camino and my dream...

My fellow pilgrim,
I don't think this is an issue for pride or shame. There is benefit in accepting it just as it was and the way in which you responded to it. I do think there is an answer as to why you were so anxious and understanding it may aid you in the future when you encounter the same type of feelings.

There is a wonderful peace that can be found in all places and at all times. It begins with a willingness, a desire to be in the moment - to submit to what is and yet still find joy or "be" joyful. Some never consider pre-booking room and never have a moment of concern.

Others want to book everything completely without ever needing to think where they might stay that night. Regardless of what type of person we are, there are going to be times when life brings us circumstances that we don't enjoy. These are the times when we learn to accept what is and still find joy.

I like the way you took a break. That offers the chance to renew or rejuvenate for a few moments and then press on....or not. Learning to be joyful is a gift we should all give ourselves.
 
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I walked from SJPP to Burgos, first week with my husband then alone. The scenery was beautiful and the walking went fine. Physicly everything was oké. But I felt alone, though I met some nice people, I enjoyed the diners together. I slept in privaterooms because I got a kind of panic attack in the first albergue I tried, I got the bed in the middle and could not handle it. Saw very few solo walkers, most were together or in a group. Walked 4 days alone and then I think there was a turningpoint? Also stress with the prebookings , had some bad experiences with hotels, so when I started the day and was walking I felt fine and enjoyed but when the time came to go to the sleepingplace I got a bit nervous. Maybe I was too sensitive for the atmosphere in the privaterooms, or the change everyday where to wake up... Finally I stayed 2 nights in Burgos, to give myself some time to think.. went to the laundry and this same day I booked a ticket home. Felt very very sad why.... Am at home now and still don't understand quite well why I was not feeling happy and enjoying the camino. Maybe too big expactations? Felt like being on the wrong time on the wrong place. But keep thinking about it what was it why I felt this way??? Does anyone recognise this feelings? Or is Burgos kind of turning point?
One morning I woke up in Santa Domingo and first thing I heard was the sound of all the walkingpoles and that was at that moment not nice at all, it was irritating me, and all the camino rituals too. So didn't understand myself at all...
Thank you for reading...I feel really guilty that I didn't enjoy more and finish my camino and my dream...


Thank you for your courage to share what even I may find when I try in mid-August/September. I hope to pace myself, and take each day and night as they are. I am now a bit nervous about having to prebook, for I thought it is possible to find a hostel bed. Alas, I am a novice but shall try. Be proud that you did try. I know I must also feel this way. Ciao, JMB
 
A selection of Camino Jewellery
Dear Yellowfriend - So many great people have said not to beat yourself up about not enjoying that Camino. I agree. I walked my solo Camino Frances in April last year and had some tough days too where I nearly gave up. Constant side-ways driving rain on 10km of straight soul-less path with no other people, and with a head cold just about did me in. So after staying in a trucker's hotel (grim) I resorted to a train to cover the last day's walk into Leon. Funny thing was, at dawn on the train station I thought I'd be the only giver-upper there. The platform was crowded with peregrines, all of whom I knew! On that day I was all set to buy my return flight home but 2 nights in a lovely hotel in Leon allowed me to 'find' myself again and lose the despair I had been suffering. I think because I walked earlier in the year when it was less busy, it was easier to make a 'camino family'. It was always easy to find accommodation too. But I made sure I walked my Camino, not kept up with the people I met. As it turned out we separated for days then met up again so I was lucky. And I always met new people on the way, especially at the start. Later on I didn't feel the need so much as I'd found my own solo rhythm I guess. I think whatever you do - it's YOUR camino. If you feel in the right space to do another, I recommend a different time of year (but bring your wet weather and cold gear!). All the best.
 
About pre-booking - 2 days before Samos, a long way in from SJPDP, I and some people I was that day walking with met a lady from Mexico. She met us because she heard a couple of our people speaking Mexican Spanish. So she joined in. Turns out she had never travelled solo before so had pre-booked all her accommodation in hotels and Hostal Rurales and because these were places not usually frequented by pilgrims, she had not met anyone until that time. She had had a very lonely Camino. When she met our group she swapped a night in a Hostal Rurales for a night at an albergue with one of our members. This was her first stay in an albergue! And she loved it! She so enjoyed the camaraderie and the food that she gave up many of her remaining booked nights to stay at albergues. So its funny really, everyone has a different Camino!
 
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The focus is on reducing the risk of failure through being well prepared. 2nd ed.
It is not about being weak or strong. These spells are unpredictable, in my experience. Loneliness, anxiety, regret, guilt. The banes of being a human being! I've been sucked uncontrollably into all those feelings at many different times in my life, often for no reason at all. I always recovered and sometimes the very next day shook my head and wondered why I couldn't have just shaken it off. But when it comes on, it is very, very hard to talk yourself out of it. I've been there! If I had walked with my husband for the first part of the camino and then set off alone, I imagine I might have felt what you did and gone home early, too. I can see how that would be difficult.

I walked last year alone from SJPP to Santiago and then on to Finisterre and Muxia. I made some close friends along the way and sometimes got separated from them by our different walking paces, other times because I wanted to walk alone (and sometimes met back up with them at the end of the day). I had a lot of foot pain, which was a challenge. But most of the time, I really, really liked walking alone. I liked not having to compromise with anyone when I wanted to stop and investigate a river, a lizard, a winery or a Roman ruin, take photos, wander off the trail or even stop early because a town looked interesting or a fiesta was about to happen. Nobody was there to criticize or make fun of me when I left my walking poles in an earlier village and had to walk 5 kilometers back to get them.

But one time, on a long, lonely, foggy day, I saw a dog alone in a pen, crying. I have to admit I didn't miss my family and other people I love during my walk. But all of a sudden I really missed my dog and worried that he didn't know where I was or if I was coming home. It was like a downward spiral. I started wondering what the heck I was doing there and felt like I was shirking responsibilities at home, being selfish while my husband took care of all the home chores, taking care of my animals, etc.

The next morning, the feeling was gone. It came back a few times, but I was lucky most of the time to really enjoy my time alone on the camino, to find humor in the challenges and unexpected predicaments and proud of myself for overcoming them. I say "luck" because, another time, I absolutely could have had the experience you had. I know, because I've been there, too and you never know when it is going to hit. It's not your fault.

The morning I set off for Burgos, it was raining hard and I was slipping down a muddy slope, wet and miserable. I had heard about the long, industrial approach to the city and dreaded it. (The locals advised against taking the river route, because of the mud and flooding.) In a cafe, I met up with a couple of friends and we marched the 10 kilometers on tarmac into the city together, talking about everything in the world. I don't think I could have done it alone. We got to Burgos and the albergues were full, so we got on our phones and found a hotel room for the three of us. It was great and we stayed another night, this time in the albergue. My whole camino went from good to bad to good to bad to good again. The next big city, Astorga, was a delight.

After reading a lot on this forum and elsewhere, I expected to hate the albergues, but I ended up really enjoying staying in them. It was like summer camp. I liked taking a shower, washing my clothes and setting up my cozy little bunk, then walking around to experience the village. When I went to bed, I put in my earplugs and - after walking all day - read for a bit and then slept very well most of the time. Yes, I sometimes found other pilgrims to be annoying. I am very judgmental. It's an ongoing challenge for me and I didn't get over it on the camino.

This is getting long and I imagine not many people are still reading. Thank you for your honest post. It prompted me to review and express some of my feelings and experiences that I don't talk about much when I describe my camino to people at home now that I'm back, and I appreciate that.

Buen camino, whatever form it takes!
 
It is not about being weak or strong. These spells are unpredictable, in my experience. Loneliness, anxiety, regret, guilt. The banes of being a human being! I've been sucked uncontrollably into all those feelings at many different times in my life, often for no reason at all. I always recovered and sometimes the very next day shook my head and wondered why I couldn't have just shaken it off. But when it comes on, it is very, very hard to talk yourself out of it. I've been there! If I had walked with my husband for the first part of the camino and then set off alone, I imagine I might have felt what you did and gone home early, too. I can see how that would be difficult.

I walked last year alone from SJPP to Santiago and then on to Finisterre and Muxia. I made some close friends along the way and sometimes got separated from them by our different walking paces, other times because I wanted to walk alone (and sometimes met back up with them at the end of the day). I had a lot of foot pain, which was a challenge. But most of the time, I really, really liked walking alone. I liked not having to compromise with anyone when I wanted to stop and investigate a river, a lizard, a winery or a Roman ruin, take photos, wander off the trail or even stop early because a town looked interesting or a fiesta was about to happen. Nobody was there to criticize or make fun of me when I left my walking poles in an earlier village and had to walk 5 kilometers back to get them.

But one time, on a long, lonely, foggy day, I saw a dog alone in a pen, crying. I have to admit I didn't miss my family and other people I love during my walk. But all of a sudden I really missed my dog and worried that he didn't know where I was or if I was coming home. It was like a downward spiral. I started wondering what the heck I was doing there and felt like I was shirking responsibilities at home, being selfish while my husband took care of all the home chores, taking care of my animals, etc.

The next morning, the feeling was gone. It came back a few times, but I was lucky most of the time to really enjoy my time alone on the camino, to find humor in the challenges and unexpected predicaments and proud of myself for overcoming them. I say "luck" because, another time, I absolutely could have had the experience you had. I know, because I've been there, too and you never know when it is going to hit. It's not your fault.

The morning I set off for Burgos, it was raining hard and I was slipping down a muddy slope, wet and miserable. I had heard about the long, industrial approach to the city and dreaded it. (The locals advised against taking the river route, because of the mud and flooding.) In a cafe, I met up with a couple of friends and we marched the 10 kilometers on tarmac into the city together, talking about everything in the world. I don't think I could have done it alone. We got to Burgos and the albergues were full, so we got on our phones and found a hotel room for the three of us. It was great and we stayed another night, this time in the albergue. My whole camino went from good to bad to good to bad to good again. The next big city, Astorga, was a delight.

After reading a lot on this forum and elsewhere, I expected to hate the albergues, but I ended up really enjoying staying in them. It was like summer camp. I liked taking a shower, washing my clothes and setting up my cozy little bunk, then walking around to experience the village. When I went to bed, I put in my earplugs and - after walking all day - read for a bit and then slept very well most of the time. Yes, I sometimes found other pilgrims to be annoying. I am very judgmental. It's an ongoing challenge for me and I didn't get over it on the camino.

This is getting long and I imagine not many people are still reading. Thank you for your honest post. It prompted me to review and express some of my feelings and experiences that I don't talk about much when I describe my camino to people at home now that I'm back, and I appreciate that.

Buen camino, whatever form it takes!
Thank you so much for your words!!! Feel your understanding of my emotional state I came in, still not gone when at home. I don't like to tell people at home too about these feelings. Feel vulnarable about it all. Thank you for your honnest story about yourself, with love X
 
My wife and I discussed your journey and she could immediately understand your feelings. After our first travels on the Camino in 2006 and 2008 she thought that she would be able to do it herself if needs be, but she no longer has that confidence in herself. The last time we stayed in a multibed albergue she experienced a feeling of anxiety almost immediately. The solution for her was to crawl into my bed with me and then she was fine, although the sleeping arrangements were a little cramped. If we sleep in albergues we will try and get a private room, either that or a hotel room or B&B type of arrangement. No one knows the baggage others are carrying, not just on their backs, but in their heads. Who are we to judge others?

I also think that a travelling companion would have greatly improved your experience, whether your husband, or a friend from home. I don't know if I missed it, but did you also experience these problems when travelling with your husband? Sometimes, when you refer to everyone else seeming to be in groups, sometimes these groups are just people who meet each other on the road and end up travelling together.

I hope you manage to resolve these issues. You did do the CP last year and that must have been a positive experience for you to want to come back and do more. As the poet says, "keep peace with your soul...strive to be happy."


 
A selection of Camino Jewellery
Wow, you had some challenges. But that is the reason for the Camino. It is there and does nothing but exist. It is what we make of it, or not. Your greatest challenge was fear coming from lonliness. The other things root back to this. That is what needs work.

In coming weeks and months, reflect on this. Consider working through the dependency that creates and feeds into loneliness. The cure may still be to return to the Camino, to finish it and prove to yourself that loneliness no longer owns you, will never control you again.

Many Blessings on this journey.
 
I walked from SJPP to Burgos, first week with my husband then alone. The scenery was beautiful and the walking went fine. Physicly everything was oké. But I felt alone, though I met some nice people, I enjoyed the diners together. I slept in privaterooms because I got a kind of panic attack in the first albergue I tried, I got the bed in the middle and could not handle it. Saw very few solo walkers, most were together or in a group. Walked 4 days alone and then I think there was a turningpoint? Also stress with the prebookings , had some bad experiences with hotels, so when I started the day and was walking I felt fine and enjoyed but when the time came to go to the sleepingplace I got a bit nervous. Maybe I was too sensitive for the atmosphere in the privaterooms, or the change everyday where to wake up... Finally I stayed 2 nights in Burgos, to give myself some time to think.. went to the laundry and this same day I booked a ticket home. Felt very very sad why.... Am at home now and still don't understand quite well why I was not feeling happy and enjoying the camino. Maybe too big expactations? Felt like being on the wrong time on the wrong place. But keep thinking about it what was it why I felt this way??? Does anyone recognise this feelings? Or is Burgos kind of turning point?
One morning I woke up in Santa Domingo and first thing I heard was the sound of all the walkingpoles and that was at that moment not nice at all, it was irritating me, and all the camino rituals too. So didn't understand myself at all...
Thank you for reading...I feel really guilty that I didn't enjoy more and finish my camino and my dream...
Walked with my son to Burgos in 2013. Went on for a few days on my own after that but just got a feeling I could not go on so I went home. My wife met me at the airport and said 'go back, you wont be able to settle until you finish it'. That was the end of March, come September I was back and this time I felt much more confident. Finished it and home by October 5th. I wonder is it because we started with someone and then had to say goodbye and carry on by ourselves. I dont know the answer but I have been back twice more with no problems. One thing I never do is pre book anything other than the first night. After that it is just faith that keeps me going and everything works out fine. I dont look for other solo pilgrims. I have just learnt to speak to anyone who comes along and if up for it, walk a ways together. So regroup, settle your thoughts, maybe drop expectations and go back as soon as possible. You wont regret it
 
Walked with my son to Burgos in 2013. Went on for a few days on my own after that but just got a feeling I could not go on so I went home. My wife met me at the airport and said 'go back, you wont be able to settle until you finish it'. That was the end of March, come September I was back and this time I felt much more confident. Finished it and home by October 5th. I wonder is it because we started with someone and then had to say goodbye and carry on by ourselves. I dont know the answer but I have been back twice more with no problems. One thing I never do is pre book anything other than the first night. After that it is just faith that keeps me going and everything works out fine. I dont look for other solo pilgrims. I have just learnt to speak to anyone who comes along and if up for it, walk a ways together. So regroup, settle your thoughts, maybe drop expectations and go back as soon as possible. You wont regret it


I probably will be a solo pilgrim trying to learn each day. All of these responses help me to know that I must listen to my body and be strong in mind. I do hope to find kindred hiking spirits to bring encouragement and support, but know I must find an inner resolve as well. Ciao, ciao, JMB
 
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I walked last May/June and hope to go back this September. As I said before, I made some good friends on the Camino. However when I remember my walk (at least a couple of times every day!), my fondest memories by far are of walking alone, on forested paths, through foggy meadows, into medieval towns alone, often - if I was lucky - with no pilgrims within sight in front or behind me. I can't wait to go and be alone again!
 
It is not about being weak or strong. These spells are unpredictable, in my experience. Loneliness, anxiety, regret, guilt. The banes of being a human being! I've been sucked uncontrollably into all those feelings at many different times in my life, often for no reason at all. I always recovered and sometimes the very next day shook my head and wondered why I couldn't have just shaken it off. But when it comes on, it is very, very hard to talk yourself out of it. I've been there! If I had walked with my husband for the first part of the camino and then set off alone, I imagine I might have felt what you did and gone home early, too. I can see how that would be difficult.

I walked last year alone from SJPP to Santiago and then on to Finisterre and Muxia. I made some close friends along the way and sometimes got separated from them by our different walking paces, other times because I wanted to walk alone (and sometimes met back up with them at the end of the day). I had a lot of foot pain, which was a challenge. But most of the time, I really, really liked walking alone. I liked not having to compromise with anyone when I wanted to stop and investigate a river, a lizard, a winery or a Roman ruin, take photos, wander off the trail or even stop early because a town looked interesting or a fiesta was about to happen. Nobody was there to criticize or make fun of me when I left my walking poles in an earlier village and had to walk 5 kilometers back to get them.

But one time, on a long, lonely, foggy day, I saw a dog alone in a pen, crying. I have to admit I didn't miss my family and other people I love during my walk. But all of a sudden I really missed my dog and worried that he didn't know where I was or if I was coming home. It was like a downward spiral. I started wondering what the heck I was doing there and felt like I was shirking responsibilities at home, being selfish while my husband took care of all the home chores, taking care of my animals, etc.

The next morning, the feeling was gone. It came back a few times, but I was lucky most of the time to really enjoy my time alone on the camino, to find humor in the challenges and unexpected predicaments and proud of myself for overcoming them. I say "luck" because, another time, I absolutely could have had the experience you had. I know, because I've been there, too and you never know when it is going to hit. It's not your fault.

The morning I set off for Burgos, it was raining hard and I was slipping down a muddy slope, wet and miserable. I had heard about the long, industrial approach to the city and dreaded it. (The locals advised against taking the river route, because of the mud and flooding.) In a cafe, I met up with a couple of friends and we marched the 10 kilometers on tarmac into the city together, talking about everything in the world. I don't think I could have done it alone. We got to Burgos and the albergues were full, so we got on our phones and found a hotel room for the three of us. It was great and we stayed another night, this time in the albergue. My whole camino went from good to bad to good to bad to good again. The next big city, Astorga, was a delight.

After reading a lot on this forum and elsewhere, I expected to hate the albergues, but I ended up really enjoying staying in them. It was like summer camp. I liked taking a shower, washing my clothes and setting up my cozy little bunk, then walking around to experience the village. When I went to bed, I put in my earplugs and - after walking all day - read for a bit and then slept very well most of the time. Yes, I sometimes found other pilgrims to be annoying. I am very judgmental. It's an ongoing challenge for me and I didn't get over it on the camino.

This is getting long and I imagine not many people are still reading. Thank you for your honest post. It prompted me to review and express some of my feelings and experiences that I don't talk about much when I describe my camino to people at home now that I'm back, and I appreciate that.

Buen camino, whatever form it takes!
I read to the end! Great stuff! I can relate to everything you said. I walked alone but met people who became firm friends but because of different walking paces, and because we were happy to each walk alone, we usually separated, sometimes for days, with no expectation of meeting up again. There were times when I hunted them out when I reached a town or village and other times I just bumped into them.

One day I was down in the dumps big time and was staying in a pension, not an albergue. I'd met a group of Canadians but they seemed to be a closed group unto themselves. I wandered into town after a very depressing conversation on the phone to my husband and was so, so down when suddenly I heard my name. I thought I'd mis-heard but then I heard it again and one of my Australian mates (John) came out of pizzeria and called me in. And there were about 14 of my friends, including the (not actually a closed group) Canadians. I was so grateful I just cried. I'm forever grateful to John for calling me in. So the highs and lows are all special on a Camino.
 
I read to the end! Great stuff! I can relate to everything you said. I walked alone but met people who became firm friends but because of different walking paces, and because we were happy to each walk alone, we usually separated, sometimes for days, with no expectation of meeting up again. There were times when I hunted them out when I reached a town or village and other times I just bumped into them.

One day I was down in the dumps big time and was staying in a pension, not an albergue. I'd met a group of Canadians but they seemed to be a closed group unto themselves. I wandered into town after a very depressing conversation on the phone to my husband and was so, so down when suddenly I heard my name. I thought I'd mis-heard but then I heard it again and one of my Australian mates (John) came out of pizzeria and called me in. And there were about 14 of my friends, including the (not actually a closed group) Canadians. I was so grateful I just cried. I'm forever grateful to John for calling me in. So the highs and lows are all special on a Camino.
Lovely story mate but Aussies are like that lol
 
The one from Galicia (the round) and the one from Castilla & Leon. Individually numbered and made by the same people that make the ones you see on your walk.
I read to the end! Great stuff! I can relate to everything you said. I walked alone but met people who became firm friends but because of different walking paces, and because we were happy to each walk alone, we usually separated, sometimes for days, with no expectation of meeting up again. There were times when I hunted them out when I reached a town or village and other times I just bumped into them.

One day I was down in the dumps big time and was staying in a pension, not an albergue. I'd met a group of Canadians but they seemed to be a closed group unto themselves. I wandered into town after a very depressing conversation on the phone to my husband and was so, so down when suddenly I heard my name. I thought I'd mis-heard but then I heard it again and one of my Australian mates (John) came out of pizzeria and called me in. And there were about 14 of my friends, including the (not actually a closed group) Canadians. I was so grateful I just cried. I'm forever grateful to John for calling me in. So the highs and lows are all special on a Camino.
Oh yes I know this feeling and the gratefulness and comfort of seeing friends again when you feel down. Nice story xx
 

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