Leaving May 14: How to deal with a hodgepodge of mixed emotions?

[sugargypsy]

On the one hand, finally things are getting more and more concrete, after months of reading & preparation. Deciding whether to take a rain poncho or jacket, visiting dentist and GP for last check-ups, clean up my apartment, dealing with all the administrative stuff, studying the first sections out of Pamplona more intensively. I'm looking forward to walk up to Alta del Pérdon, at the same time my stomach grumbles a bit when reading comments on the descent to Uterga, but I guess that is somehow part of the preparations.

On the other hand the closer my departure gets there seems to be building up a passive resistance inside myself which results in not training anymore on a regular basis. So stupid! Though the pollen season this year is currently fierce which is a problem for me. For the first time in years I’ve got serious breathing restrictions and my medication should be readjusted. But I won’t get an appointment with the pulmonologist before leaving, so I’ve raised my intake of my anti-asthma spray to test whether that helps (tomorrow I’ll see my GP to get her o.k.) and yes it does help. But I still don’t go walking ...

And then there are these moments ..., like last night. Throughout my room there seemed to rise clouds of steam through like in Yellowstone Park just before the geysers erupt, so the house where I stayed was riding on those steam clouds and fountains of hot water. I just woke up before crashing, because the fountains ran dry ... Or this morning, when my stomach contracted in fear (3 weeks before leaving ), just like before finals, I just wanted to pull the bedcovers over my head and spend the rest of the day in bed.

Which I obviously did not, but got up and wrote down everything first. Normally, I would talk about such an issue with someone of the family or a friend, but that does not work this time, since some/most do not really understand why it's so important for me to walk the Way of St. James therefore would simply just recommend to cancel my flight. Which is no option for me.

Hence my posting here. If anybody may understand these contradictory feelings, I will find that person here . If you’ve had or are having similar experiences, how did you deal with those? Except of course, simply to endure this hodgepodge of mixed emotions till you finally started to walk ;-).

 

[C2]

On the one hand, finally things are getting more and more concrete, after months of reading & preparation. Deciding whether to take a rain poncho or jacket, visiting dentist and GP for last check-ups, clean up my apartment, dealing with all the administrative stuff, studying the first sections out of Pamplona more intensively. I'm looking forward to walk up to Alta del Pérdon, at the same time my stomach grumbles a bit when reading comments on the descent to Uterga, but I guess that is somehow part of the preparations.

On the other hand the closer my departure gets there seems to be building up a passive resistance inside myself which results in not training anymore on a regular basis. So stupid! Though the pollen season this year is currently fierce which is a problem for me. For the first time in years I’ve got serious breathing restrictions and my medication should be readjusted. But I won’t get
an appointment with the pulmonologist before leaving, so I’ve raised my intake of my anti-asthma spray to test whether that helps (tomorrow I’ll see my GP to get her o.k.) and yes it does help. But I still don’t go walking ...

And then there are these moments ..., like last night. Throughout my room there seemed to rise clouds of steam through like in Yellowstone Park just before the geysers erupt, so the house where I stayed was riding on those steam clouds and fountains of hot water. I just woke up before crashing, because the fountains ran dry ... Or this morning, when my stomach contracted in fear (3 weeks before leaving ), just like before finals, I just wanted to pull the bedcovers over my head and spend the rest of the day in bed.

Which I obviously did not, but got up and wrote down everything first. Normally, I would talk about such an issue with someone of the family or a friend, but that does not work this time, since some/most do not really understand why it's so important for me to walk the Way of St. James therefore would simply just recommend to cancel my flight. Which is no option for me.

Hence my posting here. If anybody may understand these contradictory feelings, I will find that person here . If you’ve had or are having similar experiences, how did you deal with those? Except of course, simply to endure this hodgepodge of mixed emotions till you finally started to walk ;-).

I am sure many many members will know exactly how you are feeling. I am two days away from departure and wondering why I am putting myself through this again after having done it before so I have little excuse for pre Camino nerves BUT your courage will reward you richly. That I do know without any doubt at all

 

[Purky]

If you’ve had or are having similar experiences, how did you deal with those?

Guilty as charged. At first I thought it was 'just' fear of the unknown. But on closer examination I figured out that it was the lack of, or letting go of control that bothered me most. And that is a very special can of worms to open. Because once you venture in that direction, you quite quickly realise that the control over your life you think you have, doesn't actually exist. It is a heady mix of magical thinking, assumptions, expectations, routine and auto-pilot that gives you the feeling of control. But that's all it is, a feeling. Hard to swallow, for a control freak like me, but there it is.

So ride it out, as you yourself already suggested. And trust in your ability to handle yourself in situations you haven't yet lived through before. It got you this far, didn't it? And the courage @C2 speaks of will build, as will your curiosity. You will not only manage just fine, it will leave you wanting for more if you go down that road. Buen Camino!

 

[Dayle Robertson]

On the one hand, finally things are getting more and more concrete, after months of reading & preparation. Deciding whether to take a rain poncho or jacket, visiting dentist and GP for last check-ups, clean up my apartment, dealing with all the administrative stuff, studying the first sections out of Pamplona more intensively. I'm looking forward to walk up to Alta del Pérdon, at the same time my stomach grumbles a bit when reading comments on the descent to Uterga, but I guess that is somehow part of the preparations.

On the other hand the closer my departure gets there seems to be building up a passive resistance inside myself which results in not training anymore on a regular basis. So stupid! Though the pollen season this year is currently fierce which is a problem for me. For the first time in years I’ve got serious breathing restrictions and my medication should be readjusted. But I won’t get an appointment with the pulmonologist before leaving, so I’ve raised my intake of my anti-asthma spray to test whether that helps (tomorrow I’ll see my GP to get her o.k.) and yes it does help. But I still don’t go walking ...

And then there are these moments ..., like last night. Throughout my room there seemed to rise clouds of steam through like in Yellowstone Park just before the geysers erupt, so the house where I stayed was riding on those steam clouds and fountains of hot water. I just woke up before crashing, because the fountains ran dry ... Or this morning, when my stomach contracted in fear (3 weeks before leaving ), just like before finals, I just wanted to pull the bedcovers over my head and spend the rest of the day in bed.

Which I obviously did not, but got up and wrote down everything first. Normally, I would talk about such an issue with someone of the family or a friend, but that does not work this time, since some/most do not really understand why it's so important for me to walk the Way of St. James therefore would simply just recommend to cancel my flight. Which is no option for me.

Hence my posting here. If anybody may understand these contradictory feelings, I will find that person here . If you’ve had or are having similar experiences, how did you deal with those? Except of course, simply to endure this hodgepodge of mixed emotions till you finally started to walk ;-).

I am experiencing the same emotions. I fluctuate between excitement and dread. I’m constantly going over lists in my head and second guessing decisions made weeks and months ago. It’s okay. You will be fine once you’re on the plane and on your way. Remember; you are going to a great, friendly country and will be walking with like minded individuals from all over the globe.

 

[basquelady]

I am experiencing the same emotions. I fluctuate between excitement and dread. I’m constantly going over lists in my head and second guessing decisions made weeks and months ago. It’s okay. You will be fine once you’re on the plane and on your way. Remember; you are going to a great, friendly country and will be walking with like minded individuals from all over the globe.

I am in the situation of FOMO (fear of missing out). I know (from walking whole/part of CF 4 times) as well as Camino Baztanés) which parts are likely to be to inadvisable for both my husband (80) and myself (71). But then I look back on photos from previous Caminos and think--- "I'd love to see that view again". I've already spent ages looking at local bus timetables to work out how to avoid the parts which I know would be inadvisable but still I think back to previous experiences in special albergues. I'm just grateful that we have this opportunity to walk parts of this wonderful path once again and will try to chill!

 

[AndreaCT]

Your thoughts have been posted by many others before! I leave next week and I have been going from excitement to doubting my decision. I know from experience that once I'm on the plane, all will be well. I booked a bed at Casa Fernanda's yesterday (Portuguese route) and she made me laugh so hard that I can hardly wait to get there. It's the little things like the kindness of others that remind me these trips are a huge gift. Trust me, you will have a wonderful time on the Frances!

 

[Kimtom]

On the one hand, finally things are getting more and more concrete, after months of reading & preparation. Deciding whether to take a rain poncho or jacket, visiting dentist and GP for last check-ups, clean up my apartment, dealing with all the administrative stuff, studying the first sections out of Pamplona more intensively. I'm looking forward to walk up to Alta del Pérdon, at the same time my stomach grumbles a bit when reading comments on the descent to Uterga, but I guess that is somehow part of the preparations.

On the other hand the closer my departure gets there seems to be building up a passive resistance inside myself which results in not training anymore on a regular basis. So stupid! Though the pollen season this year is currently fierce which is a problem for me. For the first time in years I’ve got serious breathing restrictions and my medication should be readjusted. But I won’t get an appointment with the pulmonologist before leaving, so I’ve raised my intake of my anti-asthma spray to test whether that helps (tomorrow I’ll see my GP to get her o.k.) and yes it does help. But I still don’t go walking ...

And then there are these moments ..., like last night. Throughout my room there seemed to rise clouds of steam through like in Yellowstone Park just before the geysers erupt, so the house where I stayed was riding on those steam clouds and fountains of hot water. I just woke up before crashing, because the fountains ran dry ... Or this morning, when my stomach contracted in fear (3 weeks before leaving ), just like before finals, I just wanted to pull the bedcovers over my head and spend the rest of the day in bed.

Which I obviously did not, but got up and wrote down everything first. Normally, I would talk about such an issue with someone of the family or a friend, but that does not work this time, since some/most do not really understand why it's so important for me to walk the Way of St. James therefore would simply just recommend to cancel my flight. Which is no option for me.

Hence my posting here. If anybody may understand these contradictory feelings, I will find that person here . If you’ve had or are having similar experiences, how did you deal with those? Except of course, simply to endure this hodgepodge of mixed emotions till you finally started to walk ;-).

Your thoughts have been posted by many others before! I leave next week and I have been going from excitement to doubting my decision. I know from experience that once I'm on the plane, all will be well. I booked a bed at Casa Fernanda's yesterday (Portuguese route) and she made me laugh so hard that I can hardly wait to get there. It's the little things like the kindness of others that remind me these trips are a huge gift. Trust me, you will have a wonderful time on the Frances!

 

[nycwalking]

Buen camino.

 

[Telboyo]

The Camino Frances is one of the simplest things you will do since you learned to walk. Everything is geared up to make it as simple as possible. Wake up in the morning make sure your shoes are on the correct feet. Find a yellow marker and follow it until you can go no further. When you arrive at a destination your bed and dinner are provided for you. Walk into an Albergue hand over some money with your passport and credencial, take a shower, find a restaurant, hand over 10 Euro ram the the food down your neck then go to bed. ( Most of the pilgrims menus are high calorie stodge) There is no need to panic, there are only 2 possible outcomes in this and every other activity in life. The outcome will be either what you desire or it won't. If the outcome is not what you want, learn from it and move on.