Leaving small children behind

[Tmac08]

Hey all, I am preparing for my first Camino in late April of this year. I have a 5 and 2 year old at home (and an awesome husband who will be caring for them while I’m on my journey.). My question is for any parents who have left their small kids behind, how did you deal with the anxiety of leaving them for such a long period of time, also do you have any advice on how often to FaceTime them? Any advice would be so appreciated!

 

[Tincatinker]

Leave them behind. As in, leave them behind. They are in the care of your awesome husband who will cherish, guide and support them as you know he will.

Unless you are regularly separated and your children are well versed in communicating with their mother on the blue-screen why introduce another bit of strangeness into your strange absence. Tell them you are going on an adventure. Tell them you are going on a quest. Tell them that you love them. Tell them you are going away for a few weeks. Tell them you will be back. Leave it at that. Your awesome husband can repeat that message as necessary.

 

[Douglas Christel]

I'm leaving behind an 11 year old when I start on May 1, so it's a bit different for me. I intend to do as Tincatinker suggests: Trust my wife and enjoy the trip as my time.

When I traveled before, I tried to FaceTime once a week if possible. That might be tough to schedule for this trip given the 6 hour time difference (8 hours for you I would imagine). Sometimes, I would make short videos and send it to them and ask for the same; that's likely what we'll do this time. I would also hide notes throughout the house just to let them know I'm thinking of them. This time, I'm going to leave a set of notes, one for each day away.

You're going to have an amazing adventure. Your family will be waiting for your return with open arms. Those are the best hugs in the world. Buen Camino. I hope we get to meet up along the Way.

 

[Tmac08]

I'm leaving behind an 11 year old when I start on May 1, so it's a bit different for me. I intend to do as Tincatinker suggests: Trust my wife and enjoy the trip as my time.

When I traveled before, I tried to FaceTime once a week if possible. That might be tough to schedule for this trip given the 6 hour time difference (8 hours for you I would imagine). Sometimes, I would make short videos and send it to them and ask for the same; that's likely what we'll do this time. I would also hide notes throughout the house just to let them know I'm thinking of them. This time, I'm going to leave a set of notes, one for each day away.

You're going to have an amazing adventure. Your family will be waiting for your return with open arms. Those are the best hugs in the world. Buen Camino. I hope we get to meet up along the Way.

This was so so helpful ! Thank you, I am going to do the note and video ideas. Thank you so much. I am prior military and have deployed so I’m used to being away from family but luckily I never deployed after I had kids so this is my first extended trip away from them. Life changes when you have little ones a 500 mile walk for healing feels selfish even if I know it’s for them in the end. Thank you again I hope we cross paths along the way

 

[SacredSteps]

Having been the traveler and the stay-behind, may I suggest that you prepare ypur children to be excited for this time with just your husband. When it is about what they gain (direct time with your husband) and not what is missing, it can be a wonderul experience for all four of you.

 

[Tmac08]

Having been the traveler and the stay-behind, may I suggest that you prepare ypur children to be excited for this time with just your husband. When it is about what they gain (direct time with your husband) and not what is missing, it can be a wonderul experience for all four of you.

That is great advice. My husband is flying over to meet me in Santiago so our kids will be with grandma for that time. I’ve been pumping them up for that but didn’t even think to do the same for the time with just their dad. Thank you!

 

[t2andreo]

Just remember to buy them great junk in the tourist shops in Santiago. They will forget you left them fast, as they play with their new booty.

NOTE: This only works with very young children...

 

[KJFSophie]

I taught in a small Catholic Elementary School before leaving for my first Camino and the entire student body knew I was going and became part of my 'training'...we learned Spanish and converting metrics together, along with history. I sent emails to the principal who posted them in the hallway. They had created a huge map of the Camino where they would move a little cardboard picture of me along each day with my progress. I had told them that each time I saw cherubs/angels I was thinking of them and praying for them....and would send pictures of cherubs from churches, etc... When I had returned, the Principal had created a binder with all of the emails and photos I had sent.
Your 5 year old would be a great age to move you along on a map and to collect emails with pictures that he/she might be interested in ( angels, animals, shells, other children, food ). It serves as reassurance that you're making progress and will return, and that you are thinking of them. Be careful to let him/her know that just maybe an email might be 'stuck in a small village unable to travel' once in awhile.
You will all survive the separation and all remember that journey together. Buen Camino !

 

[MinaKamina]

Oh my.... I read this all wrong. I thought this was a thread about leaving your children on the side of the road when they become too much of a nuisance. The stuff that fairytales are made of. My bad. So sorry.
Spain has rules.... but you don't need them.

 

[Davey Boyd]

Just remember to buy them great junk in the tourist shops in Santiago. They will forget you left them fast, as they play with their new booty.

NOTE: This only works with very young children...

Still works for me and I'm 55! (Though the 'booty' may be a local 'bottle' to keep me quiet)!

 

[t2andreo]

Whatever works... There are lots of appropriate gifts in the shops.

Remember to upside t-shirts, as Spanish sizing runs very small. I personally recommend at least two sized larger, unless the item is made of preshrunk cotton. In that case, you can go with accurate sizing.

As an example, in the US I wear an XL t-shirt. My voluntario t-shirts are XXXL.

All of the XXL t-shirts I have from the tourist shops fit like sausage skins. However, last summer, I managed to find a XXL t-shirt form preshrunk cotton. THAT t-shirt fits perfectly.

Just sayin...

 

[Douglas Christel]

I love what KJFSophie did with her students. Similarly, I have involved my son in some of my planning. We've helped each other with our Spanish lessons (Duolingo app and his homework), and we looked into places to stay along the Way. I've used the website www.santiago.forwalk.org to explore a rough itinerary. It includes a great map, summaries of each town, and lots of pictures of the towns and places to stay. You can customize it to your plan if you so choose. Along the Way, I'll provide Facebook updates on where I am and where I'm staying so they can keep track through the site. That way, they can kinda walk with me.

 

[Tmac08]

Oh my.... I read this all wrong. I thought this was a thread about leaving your children on the side of the road when they become too much of a nuisance. The stuff that fairytales are made of. My bad. So sorry.
Spain has rules.... but you don't need them.

I cannot deny that this thought has crossed my mind a time or 2

 

[Tmac08]

I love what KJFSophie did with her students. Similarly, I have involved my son in some of my planning. We've helped each other with our Spanish lessons (Duolingo app and his homework), and we looked into places to stay along the Way. I've used the website www.santiago.forwalk.org to explore a rough itinerary. It includes a great map, summaries of each town, and lots of pictures of the towns and places to stay. You can customize it to your plan if you so choose. Along the Way, I'll provide Facebook updates on where I am and where I'm staying so they can keep track through the site. That way, they can kinda walk with me.

I was hesitant to post this question, but I’m so glad I did. Such amazing support! Thank you all

 

[Tmac08]

I taught in a small Catholic Elementary School before leaving for my first Camino and the entire student body knew I was going and became part of my 'training'...we learned Spanish and converting metrics together, along with history. I sent emails to the principal who posted them in the hallway. They had created a huge map of the Camino where they would move a little cardboard picture of me along each day with my progress. I had told them that each time I saw cherubs/angels I was thinking of them and praying for them....and would send pictures of cherubs from churches, etc... When I had returned, the Principal had created a binder with all of the emails and photos I had sent.
Your 5 year old would be a great age to move you along on a map and to collect emails with pictures that he/she might be interested in ( angels, animals, shells, other children, food ). It serves as reassurance that you're making progress and will return, and that you are thinking of them. Be careful to let him/her know that just maybe an email might be 'stuck in a small village unable to travel' once in awhile.
You will all survive the separation and all remember that journey together. Buen Camino !

I am so doing this

 

[t2andreo]

As an adjunct to the class project above, in 2013 I walked on my first Camino, meeting a retired US Marine Colonel. His wife remained home, teaching (fifth grade IIRC). Anyway, the class followed his progress daily, on a map, learning about each place along the way. The colonel also maintained a blog each day, so the students could interact with his progress.

In addition, he added several internal pages to his APOC issued credencial. When held up, the falling pages looked like an Origami sculpture. Picture a BIG capital letter "E" rotated 90 degrees. He had one extra page taped into each fold of this credential.

The purpose of the extra pages was to collect a sello from literally every place possible along the Camino Frances. This was also in support of the class project. It would give the students something tangible to touch and understand when he returned.

It was funny at time to watch this fellow scurry about from bar to bar, from albergue to alberge, and church to church, obtaining every possible sello.

His lovely wife and a friend met him at Santiago when he finished. Lovely woman...and friend too. I hope the kids were pleased... I enjoyed walking with him. He taught me a few walking techniques that have helped in following years.

Hope this helps the dialog.

 

[Jeff Crawley]

Oh my.... I read this all wrong. I thought this was a thread about leaving your children on the side of the road when they become too much of a nuisance. The stuff that fairytales are made of. My bad. So sorry.
Spain has rules.... but you don't need them.

Not fairytales - the stuff of family legend.
My mother left my eldest brother outside a pub when he was a baby. He was asleep in his pram and she did go back and get him.
Didn't scar him for life (he was still asleep when she picked him up) but gave him something to tease her about for the next 60+ years.

 

[Kiwi-family]

I have left older kids at home when I’ve taken younger ones camino-ing. They asked us to blog. Some read it, some didn’t. When I went for my solo walk six months ago my youngest (12) insisted I blog and apparently was religious about reading it. They Viber-called a few times which was nice and made me appreciate what I was experiencing all the more!
I had to leave behind a 1 and 3yo for three weeks once (we took the baby and 5 and 6 year olds). I tell you this - not to scare you, but so that you will not feel alone if it happens to you - I hated it and vowed never to do it again. I LOVE to travel, but struggled to enjoy my time, not knowing how my kids were (it was nearly twenty years ago and we had no contact in that time). I wish you all the best - but be gentle on yourself if it’s not all roses.
(BTW, I would leave my kids behind now in a heartbeat!!)

 

[Jim]

I taught in a small Catholic Elementary School before leaving for my first Camino and the entire student body knew I was going and became part of my 'training'...we learned Spanish and converting metrics together, along with history. I sent emails to the principal who posted them in the hallway. They had created a huge map of the Camino where they would move a little cardboard picture of me along each day with my progress. I had told them that each time I saw cherubs/angels I was thinking of them and praying for them....and would send pictures of cherubs from churches, etc... When I had returned, the Principal had created a binder with all of the emails and photos I had sent.
Your 5 year old would be a great age to move you along on a map and to collect emails with pictures that he/she might be interested in ( angels, animals, shells, other children, food ). It serves as reassurance that you're making progress and will return, and that you are thinking of them. Be careful to let him/her know that just maybe an email might be 'stuck in a small village unable to travel' once in awhile.
You will all survive the separation and all remember that journey together. Buen Camino !

What a great idea! What a wonderfully enriching experience for the entire student body (and I believe some of them will become future pilgrims!)

 

[David Tallan]

I taught in a small Catholic Elementary School before leaving for my first Camino and the entire student body knew I was going and became part of my 'training'...we learned Spanish and converting metrics together, along with history. I sent emails to the principal who posted them in the hallway. They had created a huge map of the Camino where they would move a little cardboard picture of me along each day with my progress. I had told them that each time I saw cherubs/angels I was thinking of them and praying for them....and would send pictures of cherubs from churches, etc... When I had returned, the Principal had created a binder with all of the emails and photos I had sent.
Your 5 year old would be a great age to move you along on a map and to collect emails with pictures that he/she might be interested in ( angels, animals, shells, other children, food ). It serves as reassurance that you're making progress and will return, and that you are thinking of them. Be careful to let him/her know that just maybe an email might be 'stuck in a small village unable to travel' once in awhile.
You will all survive the separation and all remember that journey together. Buen Camino !

A few years ago I walked the Camino with my 15 or 16 year old son (age depending on which part of the Camino), leaving my wife behind with our 13 year old daughter. She also printed out a map of the Camino. She drew a little picture of our two faces and put a loop of masking tape on the back so she could move it along the Camino map tracking our progress. After the Camino, I got a big poster made of the route, showing all the spots where we stopped for the night, which I hung up in my cubicle at work. I've appropriated the little marker she made and every summer I move it along the map to commemorate our progress X years ago.

(My wife is also the one who drew me for the avatar I use here, which I also made into a personal sello I bring along on caminos now to pass on my contact information and say "Ultreia!".)

 

[alhartman]

2016 Walked with my 34 yo daughter from Leon. She had to leave beloved 4 year old behind with supportive husband. She did lots of explaining beforehand, set up nearly daily gifts in a shoe holder, Facetime (8hrs time difference) every few days, and got comfortable with crying at times. Daughter and granddaughter both loved the Camino.

 

[Kiwi-family]

I enjoyed discovering some of the notes I had tucked away in random places prior to my solo walk when I got home! Apparently the dusting didn’t get done and the vege bin in the fridge can’t have been emptied;-) To be fair, I was “only” gone six weeks and hubby joined me with the youngest three kids after a couple!
But all the daily dated gifts I left were used - things like a little pack of lollies that look like false teeth with a reminder of a dentist appointment, a box filled with easy fixings for dinner on a day everyone was busy, a packet of vegetable crisps with a reminder to eat some veges after about ten days etc! I’m told the youngest one loved opening each day’s offering on the day - but the older ones would have just opened them all the first day to see if there was anything “worthwhile” - they certainly didn’t need the emotional connection, and indeed one of them did not message me at all in those six weeks! Do fun things for your kids while they still appreciate it!!

 

[shefollowsshells]

Hey all, I am preparing for my first Camino in late April of this year. I have a 5 and 2 year old at home (and an awesome husband who will be caring for them while I’m on my journey.). My question is for any parents who have left their small kids behind, how did you deal with the anxiety of leaving them for such a long period of time, also do you have any advice on how often to FaceTime them? Any advice would be so appreciated!

in 2012 i left six children behind...
ages 3 and upwards....
they made a nice sized wall map and moved a stick figure of me along on it...
they drew pictures on it, for example an octopus sitting on a plate and a cat near by...
then five years later five of the six joined me for 1,100 miles of camino, and it’s a new tradition!
enjoy your trip!
somewhere on this forum is a picture of that map. i’m on my cellphone on a camino now or would look for it...

 

[Jermann75]

I left my 7 year old behind with my husband and inlaws to walk the camino. We were in the same time zone so that made it much easier and more access to me. We talked every morning and afternoon. We had moved from Canada to switzerland so she was adjusting to a new school, country, everything so I felt she needed more support than just "leaving her behind" and "going on an adventure". There were days that she cried that I wasn't there anymore. And days that I cried. One day she was very angry with me for not being with her. I wouldn't change any of that. My suggestion is to just go with the flow. You never know what the kids will need when you leave. More contact or less. Be flexible. It's possible they will want to talk to you a lot more in the beginning and then as they get used to you being away, it may taper off. So just go with the flow. There's no right or wrong amount of time. All the best.

 

[Saint Mike II]

Whatever works... There are lots of appropriate gifts in the shops.

Remember to upside t-shirts, as Spanish sizing runs very small. I personally recommend at least two sized larger, unless the item is made of preshrunk cotton. In that case, you can go with accurate sizing.

As an example, in the US I wear an XL t-shirt. My voluntario t-shirts are XXXL.
Just sayin...

Of course the size increase could be attributed to the great food in Santiago and a few extra vino tinto or
cerveza. ???!!

 

[t2andreo]

Yo betcha! Whereas I typically drop some 10 - 15 pounds on a Camino, I usually gain 5 pounds after a period in Santiago...

Go figure...

 

[InaNewbie2020]

View attachment 53844
2016 Walked with my 34 yo daughter from Leon. She had to leave beloved 4 year old behind with supportive husband. She did lots of explaining beforehand, set up nearly daily gifts in a shoe holder, Facetime (8hrs time difference) every few days, and got comfortable with crying at times. Daughter and granddaughter both loved the Camino.

great idea! will definitely do this to my second child which i will leave behind with dearest husband.

 

[shefollowsshells]

Hey all, I am preparing for my first Camino in late April of this year. I have a 5 and 2 year old at home (and an awesome husband who will be caring for them while I’m on my journey.). My question is for any parents who have left their small kids behind, how did you deal with the anxiety of leaving them for such a long period of time, also do you have any advice on how often to FaceTime them? Any advice would be so appreciated!

I’m typing quickly but I left six kids at home in 2012, my hubby had them make a video the night before with each recording the video. They are so sweet!
Then , and I treasure it to this day, they made a wall map of my trip and a paper doll kind of figure of me… and they moved it along the path. They drew on the map when I referenced things in my blog. There’s an image they drew of my throwing my deceased pets ashes in the water at Muxia.
I am certain that having my children at such young ages embrace My solo camino is why at ages 9/11/13/15/17 we hiked Le Puy, Pyrenees north to the Norte and found our way to Muxia. All on foot, each wearing their pack and sleeping outside atleast 80 percent of the way ( 3 months to the day).
By letting them “ feel” your walk, moving you along, eager for your daily posts it plants a seed!!!!
We’ve done many hikes since…

 

[shefollowsshells]

Just noticing this was an old thread and I had the same answer three years ago/ lol
Sorry didn’t notice it was old.