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Mom walking with her 14 year old son

kelleymac

Veteran Member
Time of past OR future Camino
March/April 2015, Late April 2016, Sept/Oct 2017, April 2019.
I am walking with my 13 year old son in May-- who will have his 14th birthday while walking. (Birthday on the Camino!) Can anyone tell me how the auberges and refugios operate as regards to dorms. --If people are put in male and female dormitories, will my son be counted as a grown male? I am not comfortable having him sleep in a big room filled with men I don't know. Would he be considered a child? He's about 5'4" right now and is a big kid. If people are split by sex, how would the women feel about having a young teen ager in the room?

thanks,

Kate
 
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The one from Galicia (the round) and the one from Castilla & Leon. Individually numbered and made by the same people that make the ones you see on your walk.
What a beautiful experience to share with your son. Neither of you will remember this time spent together. Good for you.

My guess is that your son would be sent with the men. After all, 14 is passed the age of puberty, especially these days, and I am guessing albergues who believe in separating men and women will frown upon a 14 year olf boy "gawking" at women as they change clothes and shower (or would you be ok with sending him to the men's side to use the bathroom and shower?)

This being said, there are not many albergues who practice this, you can easily avoid them by doing a little research - or taking it for granted that if they are monasteries they will have separate dorms. I am assuming you will be walking the Frances I can think of the convent in Santo Domingo de la Calzada, the one is Leon (Carbajalas), the one is Carrion de los Condes.

Now, how to manage a teenage boy taking little side glances at the ladies is shared accomodations ;0)
 
The majority of the albergues I stayed in on both Caminos consisted of dorm rooms with multiple bunk style beds and were not gender specific.
The toilets and showers were mostly gender specific, but sometimes the sink areas were shared.
A lot of teenage boys and girls staying in the albergues with their parents. Pretty common sight.
 
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You son will learn about the differences between men and women soon enough, if he has not figured it out already. As a general statement about life on the Camino, people are on their best behavior so you do not need to worry about issues like "predators" in the albergues.

On the other hand, European adults are generally more casual about nudity than we are. For many of them nudity is "no big deal." We all have the same parts, etc. So, a flash of something private while one is changing clothing or getting into or out of a shower is to be expected.

Occasional or incidental nudity in an albergue setting is not intended to be sexual or provocative. It is just a normal part of life. People do not flaunt it as a general rule.

Trust me, most of the folks I've seen in the buff have nothing to flaunt, including me. Nonetheless, I try to be as modest as situations permit, but am not put off by how others conduct themselves. It is just a slight difference in cultures. Again, as your son grows and experiences more of life, this will just be another experience. International travel broadens the mind.

So, I recommend a parent-child discussion about healthy nudity in a gymnasium / albergue scenario. I am even going to go so far as to guess that when you raise the subject with your son, he will likely be initially embarrassed (not of the subject, but of speaking to his MOM about the issue - teens are like that). OR he, as I did with my father at that age, ask YOU what YOU would like to know...go figure.

My father just shrugged his shoulders and let me know he was always available to talk. But by age 13, I had read Grey's Anatomy, and as many books on the related subjects as I could get my hands on at the local library (in the mid-1960s). Let's not even talk about what my peers showed me privately at that age.

With the "wealth" of social media and web-based sources of imagery available to anyone with the inclination to click on a link, NOTHING surprises me anymore. But my point is that your 13-year old has probably already seen more than you would have preferred as a parent. That is not a judgement. It is a simple statement of fact in 2015.

All said and done, I think what you are planning to do is HUGE. It is a wonderful growth experience for any teenager. Your son is indeed fortunate to have a mom willing to invest the time and effort to do this. I am hoping to do the same with a 15-year old nephew of mine in the coming year. Besides, his "how I spent my summer" essays will "slam dunk" anything written by anyone else.

I hope this helps.
 
Nearly all the dormitories on the CF are mixed, the Benedictine one in Leon is the only one I know of that tries to separate the genders. So, in most cases, your son will just stay where you are. And yes, expect him to gain some insights into different ways of seeing nudity / defining modesty. Nothing shocking really, no need to worry, we are just that bit more relaxed here on the old continent. Buen Camino! SY
 
We stayed at the Leon albergue mentioned last year - mother, two boys (11 and 13) and two younger girls. I was expecting the boys to be sent with the men, but they were put with me (to be fair, they are pretty scrawny specimens!)
We were separated on other occasions though in mixed dorms where there simply wasn't room for all of us together - that was on the Primitivo.
 
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Albuergues are typically mixed. Also, if you are worried about it, at most you can pay more and get a private room. We did that a lot because we were traveling with a 14 month old.
 
Thanks-- I lived in Germany and our family is pretty relaxed about nudity. It's more the sex and drug scene I've seen in some other hostels. Harare comes to my mind-- though that was "before marriage and kids"... :) We are a fairly media free family--no TV, no video games, some internet but not much. We do watch movies though... :)
 
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Sex and drugs isn't really a problem in albergues on the Camino, at least not in the sense you mean it. Also there was this couple on my last Camino ... SY
 
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Thanks-- I lived in Germany and our family is pretty relaxed about nudity. It's more the sex and drug scene I've seen in some other hostels. Harare comes to my mind-- though that was "before marriage and kids"... :) We are a fairly media free family--no TV, no video games, some internet but not much. We do watch movies though... :)
While sex certainly may happen in albuergues it is almost always in a private room. He might see some nudity, but albuergues are hardly a den of sex haha

As for drugs, I didn't see or hear about much drug use on the camino, I'm sure a fair amount of the backpacker types used marijuana but, again, I didn't see much in albuergues. I think they mostly did it in fairly respectful places.

Albuergues are like hostels, but they are not hostels
 
Before I walked I walked I was really worried about being seen nude by the opposite gender, but I found:
1) while most dorms were co-ed, you could always change in the shower
2) you did occasionally see other people change out in the open
3) but no one was like having sex or having drugs
4) most of the showers that were coed were VERY private stalls (like airtight doors). Any showers that were less private (most of the time curtains occasionally wide open, gang style showers) were separated by gender (which being an athlete, I was comfortable with so long as it was all women).

I would hope that if showers are separated by gender you would send your 14 year old son to the men's (if he were really young I could understand differently). But everything is really safe and on the up and up, he'll be fine in the men's showers. The places really are nice.
 
Thanks-- I lived in Germany and our family is pretty relaxed about nudity. It's more the sex and drug scene I've seen in some other hostels. Harare comes to my mind-- though that was "before marriage and kids"... :) We are a fairly media free family--no TV, no video games, some internet but not much. We do watch movies though... :)
If that is your concern, go in peace. The Camino albergue 'scene' has nothing to do with the culture of the 'auberges de jeunesse" or youth hostels. Much, much older crowd to beging with, many very spiritual, the rest quite respectful of others and their enviorment. In a total of 60 or 70 days in albergues on the Camino I had two nights where I wished I was elsewhere: the first was when a group of 40 something 'bicigrinos' came back to the room late and acted as if noone else but them were in the room: phone their wifes to tell them about their day, etc., the other was when a pilgrim got sick during the night? From driking? I don't know, I did not see him drinking, it could have been dehydration, food poisoning. I also never have gotten any "wif" of drugs in air.
 
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Yeah, don't sweat the whole sex, drugs and rock n roll thing on the Camino.
In two Caminos only saw one joint being smoked and only heard one couple knocking boots.
 

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