Not getting it

[Mary Ward]

Hi have been on the Camino for a week after waiting for about 4 years to walk it and frankly I am not getting it. While I like the surprises of quaint churches and cow bells the whole experience is proving to be a bit of a big bore.
I told myself to come with no expectations to be open to what each day brings and it seems so far like a lot of work and not much joy in return.
Help!

 

[Bradypus]

Not everyone who walks a Camino finds it the joyful and fulfilling experience that they have heard others describe and have imagined for themselves. If you really cannot see the pleasure and benefit of walking the Camino why not simply stop and make some more personally productive use of your time?

 

[nidarosa]

What drew you to walk it in the first place? It must have been something pretty special for you to wait for four years. Maybe you came with more expectations than you think? I hope you enjoy it better soon, buen camino!

 

[domigee]

Hi @Mary Ward ! It may not be your thing, we aren’t all the same thank goodness! If it were me, I would either return home (if practical) or visit Spain in a different way....

PS: Actually, on my 4th Camino francés, I became bored and decided to leave it whilst having breakfast in Belorado! I thought I was ‘camino-ed out’ but.... the Camino had other plans and I not only stayed but also walked the Inglés too after reaching Santiago.
Who knows? You may change your mind.

I wish you all the best whatever you decide.

 

[SabsP]

Sorry to hear @Mary Ward that this Camino does not seem to give you a sense of fulfillment. Like others already wrote : there is no shame to change your plans.
Maybe it will be different if you walk a bit longer than just this week to get into a certain flow. If not...please do not punish yourself....
All the best.

 

[Felipe]

I don't know how many days you have walked. I liked it since the first days, but spent 4 or 5 to be "settled" with the daily life, people and routines.
On the other side, Spain is a very interesting country. There are places for every taste: nature, museums, sport, socializing, beaches. Hope you find your "thing", be or not in the Camino.

 

[valevenga]

Not sure what route you’re walking but you may want to head to the northern route if you’re not on it.....at the very least you will walk along the beautiful northern coast, eat awesome fresh seafood and other local food, drink good local wine, and have some stops in some happening small cities—-San Sabastian, Bilbao, and Gijón....there are live music venues in these cities if that’s your thing, and a host of other fun stuff which you can partake in if the Camino is not working for you.....there is also the Feve that runs across the northern coast if you choose not to walk every day...that gives you plenty of flexibility (at least until you arrive in Galicia)....also, ask about local feast day celebrations in the towns along the route so you are able to partake in the celebrations....we were blessed to come upon a couple of those!!!! Or.....head to Picos de Europa (Cavadonga) and check out that area....just some ideas...

 

[Mary Ward]

That sounds like a good idea thank you

 

[Mary Ward]

No I don't care for things like that I find pleasure in sitting in my rocking chair and listening to the birds and watching the sun come up

 

[grayland]

Carefully folks....Mary has expressed an honest and heartfelt expression of her disappointment in her experience.
Please respond with equal understanding and honest advice as to how she might proceed with her adventure.

A couple ill advised posts have been deleted.

 

[Mary Ward]

Not sure what route you’re walking but you may want to head to the northern route if you’re not on it.....at the very least you will walk along the beautiful northern coast, eat awesome fresh seafood and other local food, drink good local wine, and have some stops in some happening small cities—-San Sabastian, Bilbao, and Gijón....there are live music venues in these cities if that’s your thing, and a host of other fun stuff which you can partake in if the Camino is not working for you.....there is also the Feve that runs across the northern coast if you choose not to walk every day...that gives you plenty of flexibility (at least until you arrive in Galicia)....also, ask about local feast day celebrations in the towns along the route so you are able to partake in the celebrations....we were blessed to come upon a couple of those!!!! Or.....head to Picos de Europa (Cavadonga) and check out that area....just some ideas...

Camino Frances right now thank you for the ideas.

 

[valevenga]

Last thought..... before I headed to Spain in May of this year to walk my first (hopefully not my last) Camino I was unsure if the Camino was going to work for me and/or if physically I would be able to do it....I told my son (we walked together) that if either of those came to pass that I would unapologetically move to the proverbial plan b and head via train to wherever I wanted to go....including traveling around Portugal and ditching Spain altogether.......turned out that I loved Spain and the CdS.....but I certainly did not know this before I started...

 

[Purky]

We are not all wired the same way. Me and my wife started the St. Olavsleden in Sweden together this summer, partly because I very much wanted to share the 'pilgrim experience' with her. But we soon came to realise that it wasn't a plug-and-play thing, certainly not for her.
She is an enthusiastic hiker, but the pilgrim bit eludes her or just does nothing for her. It is not so much 'not getting it', it's more that there is 'nothing to get' for her. There should be no shame, guilt or feelings of failure attached to this. It is what it is.
I'm sorry you feel this way, because of the four years of waiting and anticipation. Maybe give it another week or so, and see what happens?

 

[Stroller]

Take a couple of days off in an attractive place and just chil,l see how you feel after that. If it's still bad take the bus and visit Burgos, Leon, Astorga possibly Lugo and Orviedo, drink some wine, eat some good Spanish food, sight see and just enjoy the freedom. Don't sweat not getting "it", "it" can't be sought for or forced.

 

[Mary Ward]

Thank you all for the support will reevaluate things

 

[Deleted member 3000]

the whole experience is proving to be a bit of a big bore.

You were inspired by "I'll Push You."

Mary Ward
New Member
Nov 3, 2017

Hi I saw it last night it was amazing. A must see for everyone Camino fans or not. ☺


That pilgrimage was entirely about doing something for someone else. Perhaps you can change your outlook by making the pilgrimage about others. Sometimes a person wrapped up in himself can make a very small package. Just a thought. I could be wrong.

 

[Former member 49149]

Hi have been on the Camino for a week after waiting for about 4 years to walk it and frankly I am not getting it. While I like the surprises of quaint churches and cow bells the whole experience is proving to be a bit of a big bore.
I told myself to come with no expectations to be open to what each day brings and it seems so far like a lot of work and not much joy in return.
Help!

Mary, I feel so helpless, but just want to say, thank goodness you are saying it 'out loud'. Now you have said it, what is happening? Is there a chink of, ok let me get to a city and have a day or so to see how it feels..? are there other pilgrims near that you can talk to? Or a Hospitalera/a? I hope you get some peace to make a decision about the next step for you. and what about daily distances? Have you been going too far? Just know you have good thoughts and wishes reaching out to you from everyone.

 

[Glamgrrl]

If you enjoy the relax, listen to the birds and sitting taking a break, maybe shorten your distances, skip the crowded parts in cities by bussing past and walk 5-8km I. The morning before coffee. I found those peaceful times listening to the birds in the morning quite enjoyable. Much more than the plodding that seemed to come in the afternoon after 20km. We did book ahead some days so that we could walk slowly, in a relaxed manner and enjoy the these things. I hope you find a comfortable space for you.

 

[Deleted member 12253]

Sorry to hear @Mary Ward that this Camino does not seem to give you a sense of fulfillment. Like others already wrote : there is no shame to change your plans.
Maybe it will be different if you walk a bit longer than just this week to get into a certain flow. If not...please do not punish yourself....
All the best.

Walking the camino is a pilgrimage also blood sweat and tears blisters or worse bed bugs but it grows on you buen camino

 

[Marbe2]

I hated my first Camino experience. Too hot, too much waiting on lines at bars for food, and long lines in bathrooms that were often stinky by the time we got into them. Not too much green...burnt out soil and dust. Bitten too many times by Bedbugs, etc.

We left in Burgos and flew to Switzerland...which was the right decision for then
Have been back twice...both at off season times and found much more space to breathe..most of the way. It is your trip, and your dream. Do take time to figure out what you need at this point. Blessings!

 

[Jeff Crawley]

Pilgrimages are a bit like Marmite (if you know what that is) - you either like it or you don't. It doesn't make you a bad person.
The main thing is you tried. So many people have a dream and never do anything about it so well done you.
Whatever you decide to do thank you for being so honest.
Good luck.

 

[Mary Ward]

You were inspired by "I'll Push You." That pilgrimage was entirely about doing something for someone else. Perhaps you can change your outlook by making the pilgrimage about others. Sometimes a person wrapped up in himself can make a very small package. Just a thought. I could be wrong.

Actually that documentary came out well after my initial interest in the Camino - I actually have a friend traveling with me and am responsible for making all of the arrangements- finding that a bit exhausting- will give this all a few more days and reevaluate

 

[Mary Ward]

Pilgrimages are a bit like Marmite (if you know what that is) - you either like it or you don't. It doesn't make you a bad person.
The main thing is you tried. So many people have a dream and never do anything about it so well done you.
Whatever you decide to do thank you for being so honest.
Good luck.

Thank you

 

[Jeff Crawley]

Actually that documentary came out well after my initial interest in the Camino - I actually have a friend traveling with me and am responsible for making all of the arrangements- finding that a bit exhausting- will give this all a few more days and reevaluate

And that can be so exhausting in itself - double best wishes!

 

[domigee]

And that can be so exhausting in itself - double best wishes!

And can take all the fun out of it Don’t be hard on yourself @Mary Ward ... Best wishes and tell us what you decide.

 

[Ghost Rydurrrr]

Hi Mary,
Sorry to hear you're not enjoying yourself. I personally enjoy hiking and long treks so I don't mind the effort. I've only done the last 100 km but I plan to return to do the whole thing soon.

Many people I spoke with who started from SJPP also questioned themselves while on the trek...especially the part where its just fields lol. Some chose to skip those parts and take a bus/train/cab and then just picked back up once they passed it. And, for me, I think that's the rewarding parts of the Camino. It forces you to dig deep and really make some hard decisions...but in making those decisions, you discover a lot about yourself that you may not have been aware of.

For example, is it more important to try to keep pace with other people or go it at your own pace? Is there a compromise that you can make that lets you do both? Would you rather travel light? or do you not mind carrying a heavier load for some creature comforts? Do I walk the whole thing? Or is it ok if I take a bus/cab/train to make up some time or skip some parts I'm not all that interested in?

Since you're already there, I might suggest taking the bus to Sarria and just completing the last 100 km. That's really all you need for the Compostela if you want it. If you don't, you can go even further and just walk into Santiago from the last nearby city just to experience the end.

If I had to be honest, the ending for me was pretty anti-climactic except for the personal satisfaction of achieving a goal. While I only did the last 100 km, I pushed myself to try to keep up with some people I met along the way who had started much earlier than me. I couldn't keep walking pace with them beyond the first day or two, but I would keep pace with them in distance. As a result, I ended up finishing 2-3 days earlier than I expected but it really made it much more challenging for me.

I'm not sure what your experience has been like to date, but I would also recommend making the effort to talk to others on the path and learn more about them. That is also one of the ways that I found the camino to be rewarding. The camino itself is its own community for you to immerse yourself in if you so choose.

Lastly though, if its not for you, it's not for you. No shame in that. I wasn't interested in it either when I first heard about it. We all have our own paths to walk...whether it takes us to Camino Santiago or not. Ur still a pilgrim though because it was on the camino that you maybe learned that the camino is not for you. And that's really the point of the camino: to help you find your way.

Buen Camino!

 

[James X]

Be kind to your self Mary - there were a couple of time I said to myself this is a load of bollocks but I seen something or met some people that changed my mind and had the odd laugh or seen the kindness or friendliness of a stranger.

It sounds like the pressure of doing all the organising is also an added burden

Maybe give it a chance and see what happens or if you're happy to.... bail now and cut your losses and see if you can make arrangements to salvage the remaining part of the trip or just head for Vegas (Joke)

"it seems so far like a lot of work and not much joy in return" maybe take out the "lot of work" and do less walking and utilize buses or public transport intermittently to take the drudgery out of it and take more time in the mornings "to listen to birds and watch the sun come up"

I wish you well and hope it works out for you
Let us know how you get on and I am sure the people here will only be too happy to give any practical advice as needed.

 

[hel&scott]

As some one for whom the Camino got (not the other way around) I can confirm the Camino is not for everyone and sometimes it takes a while to work its way up through your soles.

The Camino is not an earth shattering life changing experience. It is a long and often painful slog during which you can learn things about yourself (and others). This means you may learn that it is not for you, after all modern transport evolved so we don't have to walk to visit places, and there are other ways to contemplate the meaning of life. You will no doubt also learn that fellow pilgrims smell, snore and make unnessesary noise when you are trying to sleep.

The Camino is not a jolly walk in the park washed down by a nice Spanish red at the end of the day. Your pack cuts into you, you loose a toenail (or two), blisters appear then join together any you can see down to the bone on the one on your heel. Sometimes you just need a beer.

You become feral and grumpy, you feel like smashing that guitar over the head of the hipster singer who joined the route at Sarria . You don't even believe in God, and you can't figure out why the hell some people come back and do this all again.

Reaching Santiago is an achievement, but also a disappointment, you feel a gaping hole and wonder what you are going to do now, so you walk on to Finisterre and stare at the sea.

Then, if you are very lucky, you realize that the Camino has got you. You see yourself, and your walking partner differently. You don't need to discuss it, you know you will be back, even if it not a Spanish Way, you will find that the Camino finds you and calls to you thoughout the rest of your life.

 

[twh]

This opinion is more about me than it is about you but it might be something to consider if none of the other ideas resonate with you. Is it possible the person you are walking with is inhibiting you from breaking free of the fixed relationship constraints you live with back home in your normal life? I felt the Camino to be so liberating because I arrived alone. With family and/or friends along it would have been difficult if not impossible to shed the subconscious habits and roles and feelings of responsibility which takes up lots of space...you always carry it with you so it seems normal but when you have a chance to leave it behind, you then realize how much extra emotional weight you've been lugging around. If nothing else helps, I'd suggest walking a few days without your friend. It is much easier to be "closed" to new people, opportunity and spontaneity on the Camino if you brought along with you a secure comfortable relationship. The few people I know who did the Camino with a friend(s) found out they needed to break away from those familiar sources of security to really find the full spectrum of benefits the Camino offers. They did it for a day or 2 each week and did not abandon their friends for the rest of the trip. Leaving your friend for a few days might be the biggest gift you can give them that also benefits you. Good luck with your journeys.

 

[domigee]

This opinion is more about me than it is about you but it might be something to consider if none of the other ideas resonate with you. Is it possible the person you are walking with is inhibiting you from breaking free of the fixed relationship constraints you live with back home in your normal life? I felt the Camino to be so liberating because I arrived alone. With family and/or friends along it would have been difficult if not impossible to shed the subconscious habits and roles and feelings of responsibility which takes up lots of space...you always carry it with you so it seems normal but when you have a chance to leave it behind, you then realize how much extra emotional weight you've been lugging around. If nothing else helps, I'd suggest walking a few days without your friend. It is much easier to be "closed" to new people, opportunity and spontaneity on the Camino if you brought along with you a secure comfortable relationship. The few people I know who did the Camino with a friend(s) found out they needed to break away from those familiar sources of security to really find the full spectrum of benefits the Camino offers. They did it for a day or 2 each week and did not abandon their friends for the rest of the trip. Leaving your friend for a few days might be the biggest gift you can give them that also benefits you. Good luck with your journeys.

Good thinking and wise words. I thought of starting a thread about ‘it’s easier to walk alone’ as advice to new pilgrims but chickened out.

 

[C clearly]

I actually have a friend traveling with me and am responsible for making all of the arrangements- finding that a bit exhausting- will give this all a few more days and reevaluate

That may be a very important factor. I agree with what @twh said.

 

[trecile]

This opinion is more about me than it is about you but it might be something to consider if none of the other ideas resonate with you. Is it possible the person you are walking with is inhibiting you from breaking free of the fixed relationship constraints you live with back home in your normal life? I felt the Camino to be so liberating because I arrived alone. With family and/or friends along it would have been difficult if not impossible to shed the subconscious habits and roles and feelings of responsibility which takes up lots of space...you always carry it with you so it seems normal but when you have a chance to leave it behind, you then realize how much extra emotional weight you've been lugging around. If nothing else helps, I'd suggest walking a few days without your friend. It is much easier to be "closed" to new people, opportunity and spontaneity on the Camino if you brought along with you a secure comfortable relationship. The few people I know who did the Camino with a friend(s) found out they needed to break away from those familiar sources of security to really find the full spectrum of benefits the Camino offers. They did it for a day or 2 each week and did not abandon their friends for the rest of the trip. Leaving your friend for a few days might be the biggest gift you can give them that also benefits you. Good luck with your journeys.

I can't "like" this post enough! Really sums up how I feel. I feel like I can be more my authentic self than I am at home.

 

[Glamgrrl]

Walking the camino is a pilgrimage also blood sweat and tears blisters or worse bed bugs but it grows on you buen camino

 

[Glamgrrl]

Not for everyone...tears and sweat only for me.

 

[kelleymac]

Hi have been on the Camino for a week after waiting for about 4 years to walk it and frankly I am not getting it. While I like the surprises of quaint churches and cow bells the whole experience is proving to be a bit of a big bore.
I told myself to come with no expectations to be open to what each day brings and it seems so far like a lot of work and not much joy in return.
Help!

The last time I walked thoughts such as "This is crazy... I have so much to get done at home, and why am I here, and how are my kids, and I should be working, and it's raining, and this is crazy" just took days to leave my head. (My husband texting me 10x per day asking me questions like "Is there more butter in the freezer?" didn't help either.) You might also try disconnecting from the world "back home". (I turned off my phone, except for one text/evening to let my husband know I was safe.) I also found singing helped bring me joy.

I wish you a buen camino.

 

[Bella2017]

Sorry to hear you are not enjoying it. It may be good to have a day off. Stay somewhere more comfortable,get a good night s sleep. When I reached Los Arcos I was exhausted and blistered and had to rest. Sometimes that is a good thing. Do not worry about where you stay and the arrangements if it is a horrible place you will then be grateful that the next place is just ok.
Sometimes when I do lots of organising for a trip I feel responsible if it's not going well. Get your friend to take a share in the planning so that you can relax.
If you need advice on where to stay that is lovely just ask. Guessing you are at Logrono now.

 

[Pilgy]

This opinion is more about me than it is about you but it might be something to consider if none of the other ideas resonate with you. Is it possible the person you are walking with is inhibiting you from breaking free of the fixed relationship constraints you live with back home in your normal life? I felt the Camino to be so liberating because I arrived alone. With family and/or friends along it would have been difficult if not impossible to shed the subconscious habits and roles and feelings of responsibility which takes up lots of space...you always carry it with you so it seems normal but when you have a chance to leave it behind, you then realize how much extra emotional weight you've been lugging around. If nothing else helps, I'd suggest walking a few days without your friend. It is much easier to be "closed" to new people, opportunity and spontaneity on the Camino if you brought along with you a secure comfortable relationship. The few people I know who did the Camino with a friend(s) found out they needed to break away from those familiar sources of security to really find the full spectrum of benefits the Camino offers. They did it for a day or 2 each week and did not abandon their friends for the rest of the trip. Leaving your friend for a few days might be the biggest gift you can give them that also benefits you. Good luck with your journeys.

I can't "like" this post enough! Really sums up how I feel. I feel like I can be more my authentic self than I am at home.

TWH you said it perfectly! The added responsibility of looking after another persons and surely detract from the camino experience. It's why so many of us walk alone and flourish because of it!! Mary?

 

[tomnorth]

This opinion is more about me than it is about you but it might be something to consider if none of the other ideas resonate with you. Is it possible the person you are walking with is inhibiting you from breaking free of the fixed relationship constraints you live with back home in your normal life? I felt the Camino to be so liberating because I arrived alone. With family and/or friends along it would have been difficult if not impossible to shed the subconscious habits and roles and feelings of responsibility which takes up lots of space...you always carry it with you so it seems normal but when you have a chance to leave it behind, you then realize how much extra emotional weight you've been lugging around. If nothing else helps, I'd suggest walking a few days without your friend. It is much easier to be "closed" to new people, opportunity and spontaneity on the Camino if you brought along with you a secure comfortable relationship. The few people I know who did the Camino with a friend(s) found out they needed to break away from those familiar sources of security to really find the full spectrum of benefits the Camino offers. They did it for a day or 2 each week and did not abandon their friends for the rest of the trip. Leaving your friend for a few days might be the biggest gift you can give them that also benefits you. Good luck with your journeys.

Couldn’t agree more! Well put.

 

[alexwalker]

Hi have been on the Camino for a week after waiting for about 4 years to walk it and frankly I am not getting it. While I like the surprises of quaint churches and cow bells the whole experience is proving to be a bit of a big bore.
I told myself to come with no expectations to be open to what each day brings and it seems so far like a lot of work and not much joy in return.
Help!

You have just begun your Camino. This is not an uncommon experience. The first week (yours) is often spent on getting adjusted, how to get around, what am I doing here, why. etc. One can become quite disinspired. The second week you are getting more into the routine of daily walking, and it gets easier. You understand the "system". On week 3, you are well organised and completely confident (some call it Zen mode). So keep on truckin', my lady, and look out for that moment when the Camino "hits" you. It can come quite unexpecedly. I sincerely hope you will experience it, because it is a great feeling/relief of freedom.

Edit: The easy way out is to quit. The tough way is to keep on and receive the reward of being in the now, and knowing it.

Bune Camino, peregrina!

 

[alexwalker]

AThe Camino is not a jolly walk in the park washed down by a nice Spanish red at the end of the day.

I respectfully disagree What is better than arriving in the albergue, securing a lower bed, then going shopping and making a big omelette or a caserole of soup with mussels, tuna, fresh bread, etc., with lots of garlic, washed down with a delightful Spanish red, and invite to share it with strangers who will becomre your best friends the next day?

At the end of the day, I mean?

 

[nycwalking]

Sorry.

Hope you find your way literally.

 

[Rick M]

I can't "like" this post enough! Really sums up how I feel. I feel like I can be more my authentic self than I am at home.

Ponder that point on your next Camino Trecile, its a doozy. The Camino has shown you what you really wanted to see - Yourself. This is a gift of incalculable value. Being who you are at home is simply a matter of resolving to make it so.........

 

[hel&scott]

What is better than arriving in the albergue, securing a lower bed, then going shopping and making a big omelette or a caserole of soup with mussels, tuna, fresh bread, etc., with lots of garlic, washed down with a delightful Spanish red, and invite to share it with strangers who will becomre your best friends the nen?

Finding an alburgue with a cold beer dispenser.

But I think the OP needs to find her own pleasure release for the end of the day.

 

[VNwalking]

I actually have a friend traveling with me and am responsible for making all of the arrangements- finding that a bit exhausting- will give this all a few more days and reevaluate

This is such a wise decision, Mary.
Please let us know how you go.

It is one of the paradoxes of the Camino that when you just patiently stay with the process when it's not juicy and fun - this can be where the most gold is to be found. So not making immediate decisions when things are dragging is very useful. Who knows what's around the next corner?

 

[Ferdinand the Bull]

Hi have been on the Camino for a week after waiting for about 4 years to walk it and frankly I am not getting it. While I like the surprises of quaint churches and cow bells the whole experience is proving to be a bit of a big bore.
I told myself to come with no expectations to be open to what each day brings and it seems so far like a lot of work and not much joy in return.
Help!

Hi Mary, I agree with the rest who suggest patience but also that you shouldn't punish yourself. Maybe you try too hard to "get the Camino Zen". Maybe you should just stop thinking, literally, and just let it come to you? Anyway it will be interesting to hear what you decide to do since others can learn from it. Including a possible decision to stop. There's a lot to be learned from that. And it takes a bit of courage to decide not to follow in others tracks and not to like what the majority like.
I like your honesty and doubt.
So what ever you decide to do I also wish you a buon Camino.

 

[dfunghi]

Mary,
Perhaps the "not getting it" is part of the experience. It may reveal to you things you were unaware you possessed (or lacked) if you stick with it whether or not "you get it". Perhaps the "reason" for your camino has yet to reveal itself? Perhaps it already has yet you did not know it and only in the future, looking back, will it come clear.

Perhaps leaving the Camino is your message? Perhaps allowing yourself to "not get it" is also a message. It is often hard to see the things right in front of us or as they happen. Try to be open to what comes, even if that seems like nothing. Likely it will not be nothing and at some point in your life this whole exercise will make perfect sense.

Good Luck,
D

 

[KerrieG]

Hi have been on the Camino for a week after waiting for about 4 years to walk it and frankly I am not getting it. While I like the surprises of quaint churches and cow bells the whole experience is proving to be a bit of a big bore.
I told myself to come with no expectations to be open to what each day brings and it seems so far like a lot of work and not much joy in return.
Help!

Please persevere for at least another week, then make a decision. In 2016 I experienced the same sort of thoughts and feelings and returned home after only walking 6 days! I felt I was ok with my decision until I'd been home for a couple of weeks and then it really hit me. I still to this day cannot fathom why I would give in so easily after spending so much time, energy and money on preparing for this trip of a life time. I was so mad with myself. For a long time I completely disassociated myself with all things Camino......then, little by little it started to creep back under my skin. And now, once again I'm planning to head off. This time with my sister, Sept/Oct 2019. Hang in there, everything will fall into place - you WILL get it. Buen Camino!

 

[Robo]

Hi have been on the Camino for a week after waiting for about 4 years to walk it and frankly I am not getting it. While I like the surprises of quaint churches and cow bells the whole experience is proving to be a bit of a big bore.
I told myself to come with no expectations to be open to what each day brings and it seems so far like a lot of work and not much joy in return.
Help!

OK I'll add my 2 cents worth.
All is not lost. You have only been walking a week. I reckon it takes 2 at least to 'get into it'
Here is a post I made from a while back answering a similar question

https://www.caminodesantiago.me/community/threads/camino-not-for-me.56336/#post-633260.

 

[Bill Anlyan]

Hi have been on the Camino for a week after waiting for about 4 years to walk it and frankly I am not getting it. While I like the surprises of quaint churches and cow bells the whole experience is proving to be a bit of a big bore.
I told myself to come with no expectations to be open to what each day brings and it seems so far like a lot of work and not much joy in return.
Help!

Hi Mary! Just finished week one. We are in Los Arcos. If you’re close by, I’ll hope you’ll join us. Great camaraderie!

 

[DebR]

Actually that documentary came out well after my initial interest in the Camino - I actually have a friend traveling with me and am responsible for making all of the arrangements- finding that a bit exhausting- will give this all a few more days and reevaluate

That’s hard. I was in the same boat for the latter half of my second Camino, and the responsibility for - in my case - someone who put their whole experience in my hands weighed heavily. It was difficult, disheartening and ultimately disappointing for us both.
Is it possible to agree to pace yourselves separately - meet in X at day’s end or in Y for lunch? It might mean adjusting your respective paces a little but may help. If time is a pressure, there’s no shame in sending packs ahead or even taking a bus/train ahead to allow you to slow down thereafter. Or even taking a day out in a nice(r) Hostal or Albergue to eat the pintxos and drink the wine...
I’m a month off starting my fifth Camino and it’s still a truth that I don’t love every minute, but I usually love some part of every day. And getting through the difficult minutes is what gets you to the enjoyable days.
Please post again to let us know how you’re doing... Buen Camino...

 

[pelerine]

This opinion is more about me than it is about you but it might be something to consider if none of the other ideas resonate with you. Is it possible the person you are walking with is inhibiting you from breaking free of the fixed relationship constraints you live with back home in your normal life? I felt the Camino to be so liberating because I arrived alone. With family and/or friends along it would have been difficult if not impossible to shed the subconscious habits and roles and feelings of responsibility which takes up lots of space...you always carry it with you so it seems normal but when you have a chance to leave it behind, you then realize how much extra emotional weight you've been lugging around. If nothing else helps, I'd suggest walking a few days without your friend. It is much easier to be "closed" to new people, opportunity and spontaneity on the Camino if you brought along with you a secure comfortable relationship. The few people I know who did the Camino with a friend(s) found out they needed to break away from those familiar sources of security to really find the full spectrum of benefits the Camino offers. They did it for a day or 2 each week and did not abandon their friends for the rest of the trip. Leaving your friend for a few days might be the biggest gift you can give them that also benefits you. Good luck with your journeys.

Good thinking and wise words. I thought of starting a thread about ‘it’s easier to walk alone’ as advice to new pilgrims but chickened out.

I can't "like" this post enough! Really sums up how I feel. I feel like I can be more my authentic self than I am at home.[/QUOTE

Excellent posts! As somebody suggested try a different camino, the Norte, the Primitivo, the Salvador.....

Questions: what triggered your wish to do the camino? How did the friend come to walk with you? Did he/she ask and you did not dare to refuse?

In any case best wishes for a buen continuation!

 

[Ferdinand the Bull]

Actually that documentary came out well after my initial interest in the Camino - I actually have a friend traveling with me and am responsible for making all of the arrangements- finding that a bit exhausting- will give this all a few more days and reevaluate

Maybe that is the issue? You do all the work and have all the responsibilities? I wouldn’t enjoy that either. It has to go both ways otherwise you may risk ending up being responsible for your friends good or bad experience.

And again, please let us hear what you do since others may learn from it - whatever you decide to do.

 

[LTfit]

And maybe there is nothing "to get". Either way I believe that it is too soon to tell. Give yourself time to adjust, to reflect and to talk to your walking companion about your struggles. As some have said, you might just need time alone, to experience how it is to walk, free of the constraints of organizing the walk for both of you.

As a new hospitalera I had the same talk with 2 American college students walking together. It was day 10 of their Camino. Both approached me, separately, after our communal dinner, asking if they could talk to me. The conversation went like this (maybe something might resonate with you, if not then know that you are not alone in experiencing this):

The first woman, a Chinese exchange student, explained that she was having an amazing experience - life changing - but that there was something she just didn't understand. "Why are people so kind?" she asked. "In China if someone helps you they expect something in return. No one would do it out of kindness!
That question took me by surprise I must say. We talked about mutual experiences on the Camino, the amazing Camino Angels that seem to appear just when we needed it. I could relate to how she was feeling because I too felt the pull of the Camino.

Her friend and Camino companion was on the other hand struggling and voiced her personal dilemma which she had not yet shared with her friend. She started out by saying "I just don't get it! My friend is having this incredible experience and I don't know why I am here! I just want to stop but my friend asked me to come with her. I don't know what to do".
My first reaction was how I started this post. "Maybe there is nothing to get" I said. "Maybe it is just a long walk through Spain and you are here to enjoy the towns, the countryside, the food and wine." "Or maybe there is something else. Walk another week, talk with your friend and then decide".

Let us know how you get on. Wish you well.

 

[t2andreo]

I seem to recall that "the darkest hour is just before the dawn." Seriously, what most everyone who commented here is correct. However, the experience is different for every person, Alex's comments about how the perspective and one's feelings about the experience change as the days and weeks pass by is spot on, at least IMHO and experience.

Walking a Camino is metaphorically like breaking in a new pair of shoes. In the beginning, they are stiff, and can be uncomfortable. After a while, once the shoes become used to your feet and you become used to the shoes, a perfect fit is usually reached. The Camino is similar in this regard.

The best advice has been given. To it I will simply say to be kind to yourself. It is not an endurance contest or a race. Stop and smell the roses. Explore ruins, take photos, appreciate the history, art, architecture and culture all around you. Millions of other pilgrims have walked these exact steps over the past more than 1,200 years.

Proceed at your own pace. If you need to make up time, taking a bus to skip a segment or a taxi to finish a day's planned distance to get to a reserved lodging is not a sin, except maybe on the final 100 km.

Side note: To get a Compostela, you must walk at least the final 100 km on any route into Santiago and be able to prove it with at least two sellos daily for that segment.

My final advice is to persevere. It is easier to adjust your outlook and expectations, or take a rest day to recover and reevaluate while you are there than to remove yourself from the Camino and then remonstrate yourself from a distance.

Hope this helps.

 

[Anniesantiago]

The Camino has been romanticized by scores of movies and books.
The truth is, it's not for everyone.
If it's not for you, that's ok.
Nab a cheap flight to another destination and have fun while you're in Europe.
Go see Pompeii, or the Vatican City or Mont Saint Michel or Amsterdam or ??? lots of places to see.
No guilt, and no point continuing on a route that isn't calling your heart!

 

[Bigfrog]

Hi have been on the Camino for a week after waiting for about 4 years to walk it and frankly I am not getting it. While I like the surprises of quaint churches and cow bells the whole experience is proving to be a bit of a big bore.
I told myself to come with no expectations to be open to what each day brings and it seems so far like a lot of work and not much joy in return.
Help!

What interested you in the first place to walk a long distance historical trek in a foreign country?

Maybe your expectations and reality are not aligned...

 

[martin1ws]

Actually that documentary came out well after my initial interest in the Camino - I actually have a friend traveling with me and am responsible for making all of the arrangements- finding that a bit exhausting- will give this all a few more days and reevaluate

If the responsibility is a bit exhausting... you can tell your friend that it is like that.... and the friend should organise his/her part on his/her own. If he/she can not, he/she can always ask for help.
(You could walk all day together / meet in the next bar / meet in the next albergue / meet in Santiago / .... )

I am sitting in my bus back home and I am sad that my camino is over... why?
I had very much time to walk alone. More than ever before. This was a really interesting experience that was for me sometimes very emotional.
On the Frances this may be now only possible if you walk very early or in the afternoon (maybe afternoon-walking with booking).

The most important point was meeting pilgrims... talking.... sharing secrets.... smiling.... eating.... drinking.... smiling.... cooking.... reflecting pilgrim life.... feeling more alive and feeling more love between the pilgrims than 'in normal life'.... 'The camino is god's dream for how people should be when they are with each other '

The easiest way to have the opportunity for this is a communal dinner in an albergue.... maybe trying for some time not sitting next to your friend? For easier getting contact to new pilgrims? ( but with explaining sensitively to your friend if you try this)

If the tipps in this posting and in this thread do not work.... jumping by bus or train or a different kind of holiday( e.g. sightseeing or beach holiday) are always an option.

 

[seashell]

Hi have been on the Camino for a week after waiting for about 4 years to walk it and frankly I am not getting it....
Help!

I sympathise. My wife and I started the Frances in 2016 intending to walk to Santiago but had some problems back home so left the Camino at Logrono. I personally found the Camino boring, tedious and hard work so didn’t mind having to go home. After dealing with the problems we found ourselves missing the Camino so we returned to Logrono and walked to Burgos before returning home yet again, this time after some tricky late evening discussions with some very religious pilgrims. We returned a year later, this time getting within 50km of Leon before being forced to return to the uk with a serious eye problem. We finally completed the Camino this year in April, walking from Sahugun to Santiago over O Cebreiro in 80cm of snow.

We’ve just returned from walking the Primitivo and are already trying to work out how to return to walk another.

From terminally bored to obsessed with walking Caminos. Why? The camaraderie, the sense of being part of a seemingly limitless stream of humanity walking day after day in rain, blizzards, scorching heat. Walkers of all ages and dispositions, many with dreadful blisters, appalling varicose veins, quickly, slowly, on bicycles or on foot. Coffee stops, bocadillos, the gentle peace at 6 o’clock in the morning that is far removed from the insanity of modern politics. The flowers, the butterflies, the eucalyptus trees, the time for reflection.

Give yourself a little longer to adjust to the pace of the Camino - I promise that it will be worth it.

Buen Camino

 

[Kitsambler]

I actually have a friend traveling with me and am responsible for making all of the arrangements- finding that a bit exhausting-

I'd like to contribute two points. First, the "it" of the transformative Camino experience does not just arrive on one's doorstep as if a parcel delivered by the postman. This is an inner experience, which means some quiet time for reflection must be incorporated into the daily routine. And, this is often something only discerned in retrospect.

Secondly, a mind that is constantly worried about the logistics for another, and worried about whether the decisions you make will be met with approval, can scarcely find time for quiet reflection. This particular relationship structure is not proving helpful on your journey, it appears. So, can your friend take her share of responsibility? Maybe alternate days of decision-making? Maybe decide to cut herself loose because it's not really working for her either, and she would prefer to sightsee independently? It's time to restructure things, for sure.

 

[OzAnnie]

Hi Mary! Just finished week one. We are in Los Arcos. If you’re close by, I’ll hope you’ll join us. Great camaraderie!

Hi Mary @Mary Ward
Maybe it’s just some camaraderie you’re missing out on. Is travelling with your friend holding you back from joining in with others ?
After a week ., you may also possibly be hankering for home. It will pass.
Don’t be afraid to enjoy an evening around a table with others. Some of these times can be the building blocks of the overall experience. Even the breakfast or 2nd breakfast stops. Kick back and chill out if that’s what you like.
Buy some snacks some days; and stop under a tree along the way to picnic and listen to the birds or look out at the horizon. There is no hurry.
I enjoyed my first camino (CP); with a friend from home but it gave me the taste - I wanted to go back alone the following year/s -and still look forward to each ‘next time’ , even though they are never the same. I usually find people, whether locals of fellow pilgrims I can connect with here and there.
The great thing about the camino is that we are all so different; but I find meeting others, helping others and having this often happen both ways ; gives us insight into ourself and others.

Buen Camino.
Annie

 

[trecile]

After making the arrangements to travel to Spain I'm wondering what "arrangements" you are still having to make? Does this mean that you are staying in private rooms instead of albergues and not meeting and mixing with other pilgrims much?

 

[oursonpolaire]

Maybe that is the issue? You do all the work and have all the responsibilities? I wouldn’t enjoy that either. It has to go both ways otherwise you may risk ending up being responsible for your friends good or bad experience.

And again, please let us hear what you do since others may learn from it - whatever you decide to do.

Having done more caminos than anyone should, I discovered that for myself it was extremely important to set one's own pace. I found that blisters and injuries and exhaustion came from trying to keep up with other people rather than just following a pace which worked for me. In my case, this meant shorter days and the occasional stop in obscure towns and villages, not to mention a detour or two.

As well, for many people, the usefulness of the Camino only becomes evident after it is done. And, as others have noted, it's not for everyone.

I found the Camino del Norte more agreeable for me than the Francese, as it was less busy, and less focussed on pilgrims. But, like shoes, these things are very personal and individual. What suits one person will not suit another. There is no Official Camino Programme, where we should all have certain set experiences and responses to be authentic.

 

[MichelleO]

No I don't care for things like that I find pleasure in sitting in my rocking chair and listening to the birds and watching the sun come up

Maybe you need to take a few days off in a nice location or do half stages for a while and sightsee in the afternoons. Buen Camino

 

[padre eric]

Mary, I apologize because I don't have time to read the many responses your have already received. There is a theory that the Camino Frances can be divided into three legs...and I found this to be true for me. The first third is physically demanding, the middle third (Maseta) is mentally challenging, and the last third is Spiritually Challenging. I did not come to understand my Camino experience until I reached the Pilgrims Mass at Santiago...it was only then that all the challenges, disappointments, joys, and experience came together. I encourage you to press on as best you are able. Buen Camino!

 

[aloarb53]

On my first Camino (Frances), I stopped at Art Lowe's artist cottage just a few km out of Triacastela. I noticed that groups of pilgrims passed him by, that couples came in for a credential stamp, and that only single pilgrims came in and stayed for any time. He said that he'd discovered that the entity traveling on the Camino was the entity having the pilgrimage. In other words, the group was having a group pilgrimage, the twosomes were having a couple pilgrimage, and the solo pilgrims were having individual pilgrimages. I encourage you to explore how much of what you are feeling is related to your own experience and how much of it is related the the shared experience. You may still come away with the sense that the Camino pilgrimage is not your thing. On the other hand, you may discover that your unfavorable feelings are more related to sharing The Way with the wrong partner or with any partner at all. If so, consider ways that you can walk alone and/or share more of the planning aspect of your Camino. Blessings and Buen Camino!

 

[Chris Gi]

Hi @Mary Ward ! It may not be your thing, we aren’t all the same thank goodness! If it were me, I would either return home (if practical) or visit Spain in a different way....

PS: Actually, on my 4th Camino francés, I became bored and decided to leave it whilst having breakfast in Belorado! I thought I was ‘camino-ed out’ but.... the Camino had other plans and I not only stayed but also walked the Inglés too after reaching Santiago.
Who knows? You may change your mind.

I wish you all the best whatever you decide.

It wasn't until we were well over 100 miles into our Camino that my husband really began to enjoy and appreciate it. Prior to that he had been pushing himself too hard - trying to cover more miles than his body was happy with, and generally wondering why he had come. Once he realized this and went at his own pace walking maybe 5 miles a day and meeting up with the rest of our small group each evening everything changed. He enjoyed the challenge each day working out how he could arrive at our destination - whether by bus, train, taxi and be waiting for us to arrive with a beer or glass of wine in his hand.

 

[owms2323]

Not sure what route you’re walking but you may want to head to the northern route if you’re not on it.....at the very least you will walk along the beautiful northern coast, eat awesome fresh seafood and other local food, drink good local wine, and have some stops in some happening small cities—-San Sabastian, Bilbao, and Gijón....there are live music venues in these cities if that’s your thing, and a host of other fun stuff which you can partake in if the Camino is not working for you.....there is also the Feve that runs across the northern coast if you choose not to walk every day...that gives you plenty of flexibility (at least until you arrive in Galicia)....also, ask about local feast day celebrations in the towns along the route so you are able to partake in the celebrations....we were blessed to come upon a couple of those!!!! Or.....head to Picos de Europa (Cavadonga) and check out that area....just some ideas...

What is the Feve?

 

[Bradypus]

What is the Feve

FEVE is the network of metre gauge trains which runs along the northern coast of Spain and links a few of the inland towns too. Slow, cheap and very scenic.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Renfe_Feve

 

[valevenga]

What is the Feve?

The slower, smaller local train system that runs across the northern coast....I think it used to be independently owned ...but was at some point acquired by Renfe....someone can correct me though I’d that is incorrect info...

 

[Loretta Jane]

Hi Mary, I agree with the rest who suggest patience but also that you shouldn't punish yourself. Maybe you try too hard to "get the Camino Zen". Maybe you should just stop thinking, literally, and just let it come to you? Anyway it will be interesting to hear what you decide to do since others can learn from it. Including a possible decision to stop. There's a lot to be learned from that. And it takes a bit of courage to decide not to follow in others tracks and not to like what the majority like.
I like your honesty and doubt.
So what ever you decide to do I also wish you a buon Camino.

I remember not thinking about much at all, quite often actually. Just put one foot in front of the other. It amazed me how often I had no thoughts, let alone profound thoughts. I also did not sing much either when I was walking. Don't know what 'zone' I was in. I was happy enough, sore feet and all.

 

[Dsavid Keyte]

The slower, smaller local train system that runs across the northern coast....I think it used to be independently owned ...but was at some point acquired by Renfe....someone can correct me though I’d that is incorrect info...

Yes it used to carry Sheet steel and coal and was and was a separate company Ferrocarriles Espanol Vias estrechas ( FEVE) a narrow gauge railway

 

[Angus137]

Dear Mary I have been enjoying reading the daily posts since I got back from my Camino Frances in April this year but yours is the first post that I have wanted to respond to. My advice is - don't give up as the effects can take a while to become evident - I would say that it took me 10 days / Burgos to realise just how utterly at peace I was. Also stay in the municipal hostels so that you can meet the widest range of people and engage with as many as possible but that is the deep joy that I didn't appreciate until 3 weeks in/Ponferrada. Another unanticipated benefit was the correlation between 8 hours of exercise a day and a clear head but again that took a while to be appreciated. So yes I did enjoy it from the start but the real effects took a while to settle on me. Of course its not for everyone as people have said but you are there and may always regret giving up. Maybe download a book that you have always wanted to read but found too daunting as I loved that when I wanted a break. My big struggle is now settling back to home life! best wishes

 

[David]

Hi Mary - what an honest post and what kind replies. To me, Camino is a solitary thing, in the sense of walking alone, which gives one the opportunity to meet new people, move at your own pace, eat when you want, stop when you want, which leads to having unexpected experiences.

You are evaluating rather than dropping out and I think that this is a good thing. From this distance it seems to me that there are two things that you can/should do. The first is to gently and politely drop your walking partner - sounds like you are being a mother! - and walk alone, at your own pace, making your own decisions.
The second is a bit more tricky .... many pilgrims are on a mission of some sort .. to get to st James and pray, to receive the Compostela, to shed demons, to work out what to do about an empty life at home, to go deep into a tragic loss ... so many reasons .. but if one doesn't have a mission of some sort then it can indeed become meaningless ... so could I suggest ... separate and walk alone and create a mission - walk for others, think of others, look at the pilgrims you meet and see if any are hurting - physically or emotionally - and if so, try and help them. Just a thought.

The prime thing though, is to alter your Camino and walk alone .. walking with a friend it is all about what Steve did in the office, who is pregnant, what colour you will paint the sitting room, which means that the pilgrim isn't 'there' but still at home.

and create a mission - the Buddha once said
"Pursuit of personal happiness - result, misery.
Pursuit of happiness for others - result, happiness".

Mary - what you may not realise yet is that this is a life crisis that you are having on Camino, a Camino pilgrim experience - ask what the message is .. you may find it is telling you that it is time to drop being the mum (to your friend) and start being the pilgrim.

I wish you well, and I think that all of us on here really want to know what happens next - so please do tell us!!

Buen Camino - and remember, All is Well xx

 

[mspath]

Remember
“The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.”
– Henry David Thoreau,
Walden, 1854

and/et

" Jamais je n’ai tant pensé, tant existé, tant vécu, tant été moi-même, si j’ose ainsi dire, que dans les voyages que j’ai faits seul ou à pied. "
Jean Jacques Rousseau
Les Confessions, 1782, livre IV

 

[Kanga]

Mary, I think all of the above posts have something to ponder, particularly the advice about walking alone....

The Camino is not for everyone. There are thousands of people who've sampled and pulled out, and never returned, and not regretted that decision. For some it might have been different had they persisted, but not always. My husband was with me on numerous caminos, and no-one can say that he did not persist - he walked the whole of the Norte. But he really does not enjoy walking. He has not joined me on any of my last five caminos, and he now refuses to even contemplate another. That's OK - he flies small planes and they terrify me!

 

[MinaKamina]

Hi have been on the Camino for a week after waiting for about 4 years to walk it and frankly I am not getting it. While I like the surprises of quaint churches and cow bells the whole experience is proving to be a bit of a big bore.
I told myself to come with no expectations to be open to what each day brings and it seems so far like a lot of work and not much joy in return.
Help!

No I don't care for things like that I find pleasure in sitting in my rocking chair and listening to the birds and watching the sun come up

Hi Mary, Spain is a great place for birdwatching and -listening.

http://www.birdingpal.org/Spain.htm#11 has a list of local birdwatchers that offer tours. Many of them speak English. Don't know about the rocking chair, but it might be interesting to discover birds at dawn with a local guide.

Wouldn't it be great to plan your Camino around the best bird sounds? (Instead of food, art or wine?)

 

[Shalaw]

Hi Mary. Even though you say you didn't, perhaps you did have expectations?? I guess it depends on why you decided to do the Camino in the first place. I did mine to get off the grid for a while and to do something big for my 50th birthday, so really had no expectations. Also, being responsible for making arrangements for someone else would definitely detract from the experience. Part of the beauty for me was to just look after myself for a change, which was quite a lovely break from my usual responsibilities at home. If it just isn't doing it for you, I say go do what you feel like doing. Maybe go to another country and sight-see? Life is too short to be somewhere you don’t HAVE to be, especially if you’re not enjoying yourself.

Let us know what you decide!!

 

[Stivandrer]

( haven´t read all the input)

We live in an era where we really like to be informed and entertained,

I too have had moments of - ´so what ´!?

My Q is;
don´t you wonder why you get up every morning and do it all over again ?
and how whole hours disappear from memory to the point that you do do not really
recall how you got from here to there??

If you do, you have hit upon the other function that the Camino has of stilling our
normal expectations of action and purpose...
- of providing flow and another perspective on the concept of time....

 

[trecile]

Mary, I think all of the above posts have something to ponder, particularly the advice about walking alone....

The Camino is not for everyone. There are thousands of people who've sampled and pulled out, and never returned, and not regretted that decision. For some it might have been different had they persisted, but not always. My husband was with me on numerous caminos, and no-one can say that he did not persist - he walked the whole of the Norte. But he really does not enjoy walking. He has not joined me on any of my last five caminos, and he now refuses to even contemplate another. That's OK - he flies small planes and they terrify me!

A lot of people are encouraging @Mary Ward to continue, because they are all sure that she just needs to walk a bit more to "get it". But I hope that she knows that it's okay if she doesn't want to! Just because we are a bunch of Camino junkies on this forum doesn't mean that it's for everyone. There are all kinds of different things that people get joy from. If this isn't your thing, don't do it!

 

[Ferdinand the Bull]

So true, so true

 

[nycwalking]

I wonder what @mary has decided.

 

[domigee]

I wonder what @mary has decided.

Me too.

 

[Pilgy]

Yes! Mary, let us know!

 

[Syncro]

Hi Mary, I'm sorry you are not enjoying yourself. What I found most appealing about the Camino was not necessarily the sights, but the people you meet along the way. Although I tended to walk solo most of my journey, I was still social and often chatted with fellow peregrinos along the way or once at the albergue. I found so many people to be fascinating! In fact, my favorite night of the Camino was spent in Tosantos where a mere 6 women showed up to this wonderful little albergue on the rainiest day of my trek and we all spoke a different language. We enjoyed preparing dinner together and the host of the albergue led us through a prayer where we each read a verse in our own language. It was beyond moving! We all cried, too! I found the people along the way to be the most inspiring, kind and generous as I have ever met anywhere. I had so many stories to share each day of my journey that my sister-in-law was sad when it ended.

I hope you find your beauty, too!

 

[JillGat]

I urge you to see if you can detach from your walking partner and try walking alone. I would not want to feel responsible for somebody else. It doesn't have to be framed as a "break-up."

Both times I walked the CF, I met people who were frustrated by the compromises and responsibilities of walking with a friend (or family member). In two cases - one was a pair of friends and the other was a mother and daughter - they started walking separately and meeting up in the evening or maybe even a few evenings later. In the other case, the expectations, walking paces, lodging needs were disparate. The friend who was most unhappy went home and I ran into the other one many times, walking alone. She was having a blast!

It is a COMPLETELY different experience.

 

[JillGat]

Did we scare Mary away with all our peer pressure?

 

[trecile]

Did we scare Mary away with all our peer pressure?

I hope not. I was concerned that all the "just walk another week, then you'll get it" posts might have been off putting.

 

[LTfit]

I hope not. I was concerned that all the "just walk another week, then you'll get it" posts might have been off putting.

Many including myself gave the advice to walk another week in order to reflect. I don't think that anyone said "then you'll get it". As I posted, maybe there is nothing to get.

We may never know what Mary decided.

 

[Deleted member 12253]

Get off the couch and walk keyboard warriors

 

[nycwalking]

Many including myself gave the advice to walk another week in order to reflect. I don't think that anyone said "then you'll get it". As I posted, maybe there is nothing to get.

We may never know what Mary decided.

Amen.

 

[nycwalking]

Get off the couch and walk keyboard warriors

Ahhhhhhh, I would love to.

Alas, present responsibilities preclude walking again for the forseable future.

But, camino ain't going nowhere.

Thank God!

 

[Nancy McD]

Hi have been on the Camino for a week after waiting for about 4 years to walk it and frankly I am not getting it. While I like the surprises of quaint churches and cow bells the whole experience is proving to be a bit of a big bore.
I told myself to come with no expectations to be open to what each day brings and it seems so far like a lot of work and not much joy in return.
Help!

I get it!! I totally get it. I made it to Astorga before the pain of an attack of sciatica forced me to stop. Yes there were boring days, and painful days interspersed with joyous moments with other pilgrims. Kind of like life, I guess. Now that I am healed, sort of, I feel I must complete what I started. Next year from Astorga, God willing. I even long for a tortilla. The Camino isn't for everyone. Take the time to think about what you want and what you need. Maybe it is the Camino...maybe not.

 

[ginniek]

No I don't care for things like that I find pleasure in sitting in my rocking chair and listening to the birds and watching the sun come up

that sounds the opposite of walking all day long every day for many days. At least for a day or two stop in a town or the countryside and stay in a hotel with a balcony or terrace or porch and sit and watch.

 

[Former member 31048]

Hi have been on the Camino for a week after waiting for about 4 years to walk it and frankly I am not getting it. While I like the surprises of quaint churches and cow bells the whole experience is proving to be a bit of a big bore.
I told myself to come with no expectations to be open to what each day brings and it seems so far like a lot of work and not much joy in return.
Help!

Hi Mary - some may say it's courageous to continue. But it's just as courageous - and more so, in my opinion, to say 'this is not for me', if that's where you end up. You have an opportunity to follow your heart and intuition - and if that leads you in another direction, hopefully your travelling companion will understand. No shortage of other people to help out your companion if he/she continues on. Bon courage, Mary.

 

[MoniRose]

Why force it. Three years ago I tried the Cotswold Way. After four days we cut our loses (B&B’s we’re already booked for 10 days), went to Bath, and had a ball!!
Whatever the journey, enjoy!

 

[Scott Fraser]

Is it possible the person you are walking with is inhibiting you from breaking free of the fixed relationship constraints you live with back home in your normal life? ....... If nothing else helps, I'd suggest walking a few days without your friend.

Good advice above.

I’ve walked CF twice — sometimes alone, sometimes with a big “Camino family”, sometime with one life-long friend, sometime with only my wife, and sometime with wife, daughter and her husband and the grandkids. They were all different experiences.

Maybe you should try a few days solo to see if that experience is better for you. That may be hard to do, especially if your friend is depending on you to manage things.

Gook luck on your journey.

 

[sternenstrasse]

"Boredom is not a problem to be solved. It's the last privilege of a free mind."
-- Gayatri Devi

Buen camino!

 

[NewBeginning]

Good thinking and wise words. I thought of starting a thread about ‘it’s easier to walk alone’ as advice to new pilgrims but chickened out.

Perhaps you will get your nerves back and start the thread if you title it, "It might be better to walk alone." Then you are free to discuss the pros and cons and not feel like you're giving advice, but rather food for thought.

 

[See You Soon]

Pilgrimages are a bit like Marmite (if you know what that is) - you either like it or you don't. It doesn't make you a bad person.
The main thing is you tried. So many people have a dream and never do anything about it so well done you.
Whatever you decide to do thank you for being so honest.
Good luck.

Marmite is always good

 

[camster]

Hi! Sorry to hear you are feeling like this. I haven't walked the camino yet, but I wonder if trying to decide of the arrangements is one of the things preventing you from enjoying your time. Maybe try and wing it when you arrive in a village and not plan the logistics at all?
Or I may be wrong about what the source of the bore is. Whatever it is, I hope you find what you went looking for in the end.
What city are you at? Maybe stay there a few days and do some tourism instead?
Good luck! ....and buen camino