Open and vulnerable vs. closed and protected

[Calimocho]

It occurs to me after doing two segments of the Camino, that if a person is open to new possibilities and experiences and tries not to decide ahead of time what the Camino experience will be like - amazing and unexpected things will arrive, some of which will seem almost magical. The flip side of this is that it can all be a bit overwhelming, exhausting, and perhaps even painful. How does a person remain open and curious without becoming too vulnerable, especially when the return to everyday life sometimes brings harsh challenges of a different sort?

 

[C clearly]

That question applies to life in general! I haven't quite figured it all out yet!

 

[MTtoCamino]

It occurs to me after doing two segments of the Camino, that if a person is open to new possibilities and experiences and tries not to decide ahead of time what the Camino experience will be like - amazing and unexpected things will arrive, some of which will seem almost magical. The flip side of this is that it can all be a bit overwhelming, exhausting, and perhaps even painful. How does a person remain open and curious without becoming too vulnerable, especially when the return to everyday life sometimes brings harsh challenges of a different sort?

I agree let every day happen no planning. Amazing how any issue on the path seems to clear away. I think life's struggles on the post Camino can be sorted out if you think back to what you learn from the walk simplify & utilize what the most important thing is you identified in your life. Seems to take away any stress.
Keith

 

[Mark Lee]

The only harsh challenge I ever faced after finishing a Camino was the pain of ending a 30+ day walking holiday.
I mean, it can't be beat. Sleep, walk and eat....repeat. No bosses or supervisors or rank micromanaging your arse. If you just want to walk 10k that day or perhaps 35k, nobody tells you not to, or which is better. If you want to blow off waking up early and stay until just before the hospitaleros kick you out, no problem. Or the opposite. Wake up way earlier and sneak out in the dark. Nobody cares.
It's great, and you can feed your face with a 3-course, wine included for under 15 bucks. Shoot, I can't eat that cheap at home, ha ha.

 

[William Garza]

Calimocho

With full respect and respectfully....

You've never felt your strength..yet.

Thats where the balance is.
Open..yet knowing that bad things..unpleasantry and iniquity can,do and will happen.

And face the trial with courage,poise and grace.

It comes with miles and time.
You..Balance.

Then..is when the shutters are thrown wide open
And you find the Secret TO Life.

Your no longer naked and afraid before natural wonders and force
You
Become!!
Dance,sing,eat and dream as if there is only this life
This time
Right now

 

[VNwalking]

How does a person remain open and curious without becoming too vulnerable, especially when the return to everyday life sometimes brings harsh challenges of a different sort?

A very good and important question, @Calimocho. But there's no cookie-cutter answer.
But in my experience, going over the edge a bit (but not too much) and surviving (maybe even thriving) is the only way to transcend inner limitations. So I tend to explore my edges until I feel it's too much and then back off until there's balance again. It feels like breathing in and out.
Very practically could look like alternatively winging it for a while and then booking forward accommodation for a while. Back and forth...playing the edge.

 

[Marion-SantiagoInLove]

How does a person remain open and curious without becoming too vulnerable, especially when the return to everyday life sometimes brings harsh challenges of a different sort?

I believe "open and curious" goes with being vulnerable. However, vulnerability is not a bad thing and doesn't mean one is weak. We made it a weakness because like you said, when one is open, one can be hurt by the experiences of the World. But if one is not vulnerable anymore (so, not open and curious), his-her heart and soul will be closed to the World; to what hurts, but also to all that is good and makes life worth it.
There is nothing wrong with being close and protected. I believe it's only a way to protect ourselves from the World, a consequence of the fear to be hurt. What is more human than that?

I believe being vulnerable is a strength, a quality that asks time and work on oneself. To me, it means being able to live with an open heart in the World, to let the World in, to stand its experience whether it's good or bad and to love it whatsoever. I'm really still working on that, but I believe vulnerability makes the World a magical place. It teaches so much to be vulnerable!

The Camino is like a bubble, a special and protected place where we have the opportunity to open ourselves completely and not be hurt. I believe this is our potential as human being, and that's how we are supposed to be everywhere. Returning on the Camino is like re-getting in touch with the experience of our Camino-self. But the Camino-self and the everyday-self is the same self... We can get in touch with our Camino-self anywhere and anytime: all a matter of who we chose to be... This is a change that essentially takes place within! However, as we chose to be our Camino-self in everyday life, the everyday life changes to reflect our inner change.
I believe this is the secret side of the pilgrimage. It doesn't end in Santiago, there is also the return home, in a spiritual way. The journey we all have to make to consciously integrate the experience of the Camino in our everyday self and in our everyday life. A life-time homework we're all struggling with!

Let's all hang in there and make our Camino-self be a happy vulnerable guy in "normal" life!

 

[Rebekah Scott]

when you open your heart to the light, you also open it to the darkness. Any worthwhile enterprise has a bit of risk, and even pain, involved in it.
If you want to grow, you have to take risks. You have to become vulnerable, even though that hurts you sometimes. The more you risk, the more you let go-of, the less weight you carry on your back... the lighter your steps become, the easier it is to see negativity coming at you and the more nimble you are at getting out of its way.
I am a great believer in Providence. You step out in faith, and it's there to shield you from the worst. The more you risk, the more you win. And the more able you are to help others step out of their protective shells and try out life in the (risky, scary) light.

 

[Deleted member 3000]

I don't think about it much. Good instinct and some social graces usually lead to good outcomes. Occasionally I get an uncomfortable feeling; I have found it is best to just keep walking or walk away.

 

[PEI_Heather]

The only harsh challenge I ever faced after finishing a Camino was the pain of ending a 30+ day walking holiday.
I mean, it can't be beat. Sleep, walk and eat....repeat. No bosses or supervisors or rank micromanaging your arse. If you just want to walk 10k that day or perhaps 35k, nobody tells you not to, or which is better. If you want to blow off waking up early and stay until just before the hospitaleros kick you out, no problem. Or the opposite. Wake up way earlier and sneak out in the dark. Nobody cares.
It's great, and you can feed your face with a 3-course, wine included for under 15 bucks. Shoot, I can't eat that cheap at home, ha ha.

I know exactly what you mean, Mark. I just walked in the door of my house last evening after being away from home for 45 days, 35 of those spent walking the Voie de la Nive and the Camino Frances and five of those spent just hanging out in the beautiful Santiago (eat, drink, relax: repeat!). I didn't know what to do with myself last night. Finished reading my book and went to bed at 9pm. And today? I have to put some proverbial jumper cables onto my soul to get myself back into 'normal' life... Ack!!!

 

[VNwalking]

What Rebekah just said. Absolutely.
The only way out is in--or rather, through--that darkness. The beautiful paradox is that when we directly face the darkness, it loses its power over us and becomes the doorway into light. And the vulnerability is essential--it opens the heart.
But it's hard sometimes. It's no coincidence that in his Inferno, Dante had to go to deepest of hell realms before emerging into a starlit dawn. Often on the way down, he'd ask his guide (Vergil)..."Uhhh, Vergil?...Are you sure there isn't another way??"
I can relate.
Of course the answer was always basically 'Uh-uh. Keep on walking...."

 

[Calimocho]

What Rebekah just said. Absolutely.
The only way out is in--or rather, through--that darkness. The beautiful paradox is that when we directly face the darkness, it loses its power over us and becomes the doorway into light. And the vulnerability is essential--it opens the heart.
But it's hard sometimes. It's no coincidence that in his Inferno, Dante had to go to deepest of hell realms before emerging into a starlit dawn. Often on the way down, he'd ask his guide (Vergil)..."Uhhh, Vergil?...Are you sure there isn't another way??"
I can relate.
Of course the answer was always basically 'Uh-uh. Keep on walking...."

What you describe is very similar to a very powerful experience that I had on the Camino that led to me posting this question. I had a very difficult time sleeping during my Camino, partly because each night I was filled with so much emotion and stimulation that I was still processing what I had experienced that day. One night, after sleeping for a couple of hours, I was awake and thinking about things. Some thoughts came to me - it might be described as coming from God, or the universe, or my own intuition - but it went something like this. I was being told that I was wired in such a way that I could feel things deeply, with an ability for intuition and empathy. Was I up for it? Was I ready for what would come my way? It was a very emotional experience and a little difficult and vulnerable-feeling to talk about with others, but it made me feel very grateful for having this disposition, but also a apprehensive about what might come my way if I were to fully embrace it.

 

[C clearly]

The Camino is like a bubble, a special and protected place where we have the opportunity to open ourselves completely and not be opened.

There are risks (physical, spiritual, personal and psychological) on the camino as well. It is naive and dangerous to think otherwise. The camino is certainly a special piece of the real world, where we can have special experiences, but it is not a protected place where we should abandon all our defenses.

 

[jmcarp]

when you open your heart to the light, you also open it to the darkness. Any worthwhile enterprise has a bit of risk, and even pain, involved in it.
If you want to grow, you have to take risks. You have to become vulnerable, even though that hurts you sometimes. The more you risk, the more you let go-of, the less weight you carry on your back... the lighter your steps become, the easier it is to see negativity coming at you and the more nimble you are at getting out of its way.
I am a great believer in Providence. You step out in faith, and it's there to shield you from the worst. The more you risk, the more you win. And the more able you are to help others step out of their protective shells and try out life in the (risky, scary) light.

That's a great philosophy for life itself, not just the Camino.

And in regard to the OP's question, it seems to me that most who make negative posts about their Camino experience perhaps had overly ambitious expectations. This, of course, is not necessarily the case when the negative feelings are caused by illness or other major physical problems that occurred.

 

[Kanga]

@Calimocho what you describe sounds like a mystical experience, one of those poignant moments of the soul. They don't happen often and they don't seem to happen to many. I'm sure psychologists have many explanations but from my perspective - what a gift. Thank you for sharing.

 

[jmcarp]

Perhaps the best thing about the Camino is waking people up to the thoughts and self-examinations characterized by threads like this. And the fact that being in the (almost) non-judgemental atmosphere of living this experience encourages us to open up in ways we would never consider in the "real" world.

 

[Marion-SantiagoInLove]

There are risks (physical, spiritual, personal and psychological) on the camino as well. It is naive and dangerous to think otherwise. The Camino is certainly a special piece of the real world, where we can have special experiences, but it is not a protected place where we should abandon all our defenses.

Thank you for pointing to this, as you are right. The Camino is part of the World and so with "risks". One should definitely keep a sense of that.
However, I don't think being open means being defenseless and I still believe the Camino a bubble (a special place) where one have the opportunity to open his-herself. And one does, at the degree they are ready to... part of the success of the Camino.

what you describe sounds like a mystical experience, one of those poignant moments of the soul. They don't happen often and they don't seem to happen to many. - what a gift. Thank you for sharing
I'm sure psychologists have many explanations but from my perspective.

I agree with you, it seems like a mystical experience and they are pretty rare.
From experience, most psychologists are not so knowledgeable with such matters and work within the mental realm... it takes research and awareness to find those who work on other levels and who'd be of help. I'd definitely look for someone used to/practicing for his-herself/helping people on a spiritual level.

@Calimocho, it's a great gift you were given Such awareness turns one's world around... Despite all the gratitude, it's difficult to make the world you were opened to and the world we live in to work together. I always have this saying in mind: "Live in the world without being from this world". It has many levels of understanding...
Without it being overly dramatic, there is no coming back from such experience, just a path ahead. But if you experienced it, you are prepared enough to walk it!
Like the Camino, it's a journey. Do it at your pace and respect yourself, trust your heart as it knows what's right. I found that such experience doesn't take away, it adds to life and give it a quality depth.
You're not alone with this experience There are many people and also various media that can help. One book that helped me to deal with the "after" is Jack Kornfield's "After the Extasy, the Laundry". Maybe you'll find it useful too?
With Loving thoughts to you

 

[David]

Open and vulnerable versus closed and protected? This is a misunderstanding of what it really is like. For a start there is no 'closed and protected' there is only 'closed' - there is no safety in being closed, no protection in being closed, quite the opposite; to be closed is to miss the actual experience of being alive. There is no 'open and vulnerable' - openness, awareness, is the true strength, it is stupidity that makes one vulnerable.

Look, the universe manifests exactly the same whether you are open or closed. The same things rise up in front of you.
"Before enlightenment - get up, wash, light fire, eat breakfast.
After enlightenment - get up, wash, light fire, eat breakfast"

There is an awful lot of nonsense thought about what and where we are and what we should be - for instance, there is no place named Nirvana that we 'go to' - there is no path, no destination, no salvation, there is only 'this'. There is no 'getting better every day', 'life is a school', 'God is testing me' - none of that, there is only 'this' - and to live in this properly all one has to do is to wake up to the nature of reality, then you will see that most people are sleepwalking in a weird dream.

So, be open, always be open; be open to all that manifests - there isn't good and bad, there is only what manifests. Sure, some of it hurts but I can tell you that it hurts less if you are open rather than closed. R D Laing once said that "the only pain you cannot avoid is the pain you feel when you try to avoid pain" - and this is true.
Most emotional pain is simply that you have created a picture in your head of how you want reality to be and actual reality is different to that invention.
So be open, always be open .. don't write scripts in your head and then try to make reality conform to that ... just go with what is actually going on, without resistance.

But I am not talking about being stupid - being stupid has its own reward - one has to be wise - "as wise as serpents and as innocent as doves" - so yes, be open, and being open one is aware and when one is aware one can see and move freely within all this .. .. - and it isn't exhausting, it isn't tiring, it isn't difficult if one keeps grounded - being grounded and also not fighting actual reality.
As for the experience you felt in the middle of the night ... I do wonder how many Spanish coffees you have each day - but the opening you had, one can indeed be troubled and it is necessary to stay grounded .. being 'open' isn't to do with allowing the mind to go off on a crazy tangent, it is merely to do with seeing things as they are and being calm and centred .... stay grounded - Buen Camino!

 

[Albertagirl]

Open and vulnerable versus closed and protected? This is a misunderstanding of what it really is like. For a start there is no 'closed and protected' there is only 'closed' - there is no safety in being closed, no protection in being closed, quite the opposite; to be closed is to miss the actual experience of being alive. There is no 'open and vulnerable' - openness, awareness, is the true strength, it is stupidity that makes one vulnerable.

Look, the universe manifests exactly the same whether you are open or closed. The same things rise up in front of you.
"Before enlightenment - get up, wash, light fire, eat breakfast.
After enlightenment - get up, wash, light fire, eat breakfast"

There is an awful lot of nonsense thought about what and where we are and what we should be - for instance, there is no place named Nirvana that we 'go to' - there is no path, no destination, no salvation, there is only 'this'. There is no 'getting better every day', 'life is a school', 'God is testing me' - none of that, there is only 'this' - and to live in this properly all one has to do is to wake up to the nature of reality, then you will see that most people are sleepwalking in a weird dream.

So, be open, always be open; be open to all that manifests - there isn't good and bad, there is only what manifests. Sure, some of it hurts but I can tell you that it hurts less if you are open rather than closed. R D Laing once said that "the only pain you cannot avoid is the pain you feel when you try to avoid pain" - and this is true.
Most emotional pain is simply that you have created a picture in your head of how you want reality to be and actual reality is different to that invention.
So be open, always be open .. don't write scripts in your head and then try to make reality conform to that ... just go with what is actually going on, without resistance.

But I am not talking about being stupid - being stupid has its own reward - one has to be wise - "as wise as serpents and as innocent as doves" - so yes, be open, and being open one is aware and when one is aware one can see and move freely within all this .. .. - and it isn't exhausting, it isn't tiring, it isn't difficult if one keeps grounded - being grounded and also not fighting actual reality.
As for the experience you felt in the middle of the night ... I do wonder how many Spanish coffees you have each day - but the opening you had, one can indeed be troubled and it is necessary to stay grounded .. being 'open' isn't to do with allowing the mind to go off on a crazy tangent, it is merely to do with seeing things as they are and being calm and centred .... stay grounded - Buen Camino!

@David
It seems to me that you are pushing your own religious/theological opinions very hard as absolute truths in this posting, particularly in paragraph three. Others may not agree with you, but you leave no space for discussion, which might indeed be inappropriate, considering the regulations of this forum.

 

[David]

Albertagirl, I think that you are mistaken; there is nothing about religion or theology in my post, merely an understanding of the nature of the riddle that we appear to inhabit.
What I wrote has been written in different ways by many people over the last few thousand years. Were you to want to hear/see someone else with the same understanding - also not religious or theological - you could watch Eckhart Tolle on Youtube, any of his videos

try this one as an introduction -

.. or Osho is another ...
Albertagirl, I did not write a "discussion" piece, merely a response to the opening post. It was not written to offend, quite the opposite, and I am more than happy for you to discuss it with me. Please do pm me and we can chat about it.

 

[pilgrim b]

Open and vulnerable versus closed and protected? This is a misunderstanding of what it really is like. For a start there is no 'closed and protected' there is only 'closed' - there is no safety in being closed, no protection in being closed, quite the opposite; to be closed is to miss the actual experience of being alive. There is no 'open and vulnerable' - openness, awareness, is the true strength, it is stupidity that makes one vulnerable.

Look, the universe manifests exactly the same whether you are open or closed. The same things rise up in front of you.
"Before enlightenment - get up, wash, light fire, eat breakfast.
After enlightenment - get up, wash, light fire, eat breakfast"

There is an awful lot of nonsense thought about what and where we are and what we should be - for instance, there is no place named Nirvana that we 'go to' - there is no path, no destination, no salvation, there is only 'this'. There is no 'getting better every day', 'life is a school', 'God is testing me' - none of that, there is only 'this' - and to live in this properly all one has to do is to wake up to the nature of reality, then you will see that most people are sleepwalking in a weird dream.

So, be open, always be open; be open to all that manifests - there isn't good and bad, there is only what manifests. Sure, some of it hurts but I can tell you that it hurts less if you are open rather than closed. R D Laing once said that "the only pain you cannot avoid is the pain you feel when you try to avoid pain" - and this is true.
Most emotional pain is simply that you have created a picture in your head of how you want reality to be and actual reality is different to that invention.
So be open, always be open .. don't write scripts in your head and then try to make reality conform to that ... just go with what is actually going on, without resistance.

But I am not talking about being stupid - being stupid has its own reward - one has to be wise - "as wise as serpents and as innocent as doves" - so yes, be open, and being open one is aware and when one is aware one can see and move freely within all this .. .. - and it isn't exhausting, it isn't tiring, it isn't difficult if one keeps grounded - being grounded and also not fighting actual reality.
As for the experience you felt in the middle of the night ... I do wonder how many Spanish coffees you have each day - but the opening you had, one can indeed be troubled and it is necessary to stay grounded .. being 'open' isn't to do with allowing the mind to go off on a crazy tangent, it is merely to do with seeing things as they are and being calm and centred .... stay grounded - Buen Camino!

Thank you David for those wise words if we just continue live each moment as it comes, accepting openly in that moment, that it is just this reality!

 

[Wokabaut_Meri]

@Calimocho the Camino has gifted you a remarkable life-affirming yet disruptive experience and now you face, as do so many, the transition 'back' into what you perceive to be your 'old world'.

I'm with @David in that's there's only NOW - this one amazing precious moment... and haven't you solved your own dilemma

It occurs to me after doing two segments of the Camino, that if a person is open to new possibilities and experiences and tries not to decide ahead of time what the Camino experience will be like - amazing and unexpected things will arrive, some of which will seem almost magical. The flip side of this is that it can all be a bit overwhelming, exhausting, and perhaps even painful.

There is that wonderful Steve Jobs speech:
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

Don't overthink this. Wake each morning to your Camino of Life and be grateful. Walk it as you did your Camino - open and accepting to each moment whatever it may bring.

(Guaranteed to give you some sleepless nights but what the heck!)

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Go Well.

 

[Jacobus]

I don't think about it much. Good instinct and some social graces usually lead to good outcomes. Occasionally I get an uncomfortable feeling; I have found it is best to just keep walking or walk away.

I have to agree with falcon. Is it possible to over think the Camino? An open mind with diligence suits most of my needs and fulfills most of what I have expected.
The first time was I'll admit a heightened experience that will probably never be matched.
Cheers
Jim