Regrets of a pilgrim

[Mana di Castanja]

I've walked from april 27, till 27 may this year from St Jean to Santiago.
I'm already a few weeks on to my normal life at home.
At work i made a screensaver with all the pictures of the camino, well the most pictures i loved.
I found myself everyday at work staring at my screensaver for a couple of minutes, till a co-worker pushed me to wake me up again.

I have regrets at some pictures from pelgrims who asked me for a drink or something to eat, wich i denied cause i was, i dont know in a hurry? or i was to tired i dont know anymore, maybe i wasn't ready..
But i remember them now when i see the pictures on my screensaver....José from Brasil, Pieter from Poland, Ryan from america, Spencer from south Africa...etc all the people who wanted to share something with me wich i denied for some reason i can't explain.
I still remember the moments and even there faces when they asked me to.
And now when i see theire pictures i have regrets and wished i had joined them.

Even an Italian woman who took a break under a tree, wanted to share her chocolate with me, i refused and thank her for that and passed her. But that moment when i passed her i already regret it. Sometimes i could bang my head on a tree!

Does anyone also have regrets, that they missed some moments with a pelgrim that you wished you could turn back in time.
Regrets of walking maybe a little longer with someone, or just talk a little bit longer or just forget to ask her/his name.

Maybe its a lesson for me for the next time, to take more time with the people..
Or maybe i must delete my camino screensaver..

(lets not talk about my shoes..)

 

[Koidream]

Don't we all have regrets for something we did or didn't do?

And next time, when you are sitting on a bench and invite somebody to share something with and he continues with a "No, thank you". You will be the one who understands him perfectely ;-)

 

[Camino Chrissy]

I think you said it best by saying "Maybe it's a lesson for next time, to take more time with the people." So then, that's a positive lesson learned. Try to stop lamenting the past and bringing yourself down. I'm sure the people who were wanting to share their food and drink with you are not dwelling on it, so neither should you.
And no, don't delete your screensaver photos! They are to be cherished.

 

[SabsP]

You were at that moment in that particular mood...it is what it is.
Like the other posters write...do not bring yourself down.
Some things you maybe cannot explain to yourself right now.Do not make this an issue .Not everything needs to be explained.
Mucha suerte!

 

[Marbe2]

It is, IMO, a gift from your camino to be able to reflect on your response at that time. Perhaps you do not have to wait until your next camino to apply what you have learned? Are we not on a journey everyday of our lives?

 

[november_moon]

I agree with the others - we all have regrets and we all have things to learn. On the Camino, I think most of us were too much in the moment to know what those lessons were, but some of them became more clear after we got home and had time to relect.

You learned some things on your Camino. Even if you regret passing up some experiences, you now understand the value of those experiences and can be more open to them in the future. My advice is to keep your Camino screensaver up on your computer as a reminder - not to continue to beat yourself up over your regrets, but to remind you to apply the lessons you learned.

 

[bhavagrahidasa]

Perhaps the Camino's greatest gift is that once you have begun, it seems to never stop. The lessons and experiences we have on Camino seem to be carried with us and shape our new thinking long after we have returned home. Indeed some of us have a whole new way of looking at life. And perhaps this realisation of regrets you are having is simply the Camino continuing to give you momentum. Momentum in your thinking and consequently your life.

Pre Camino, you may not have even noticed that you passed opportunities by. But now you have realised that life might be more enjoyable taking a slower journey, a more social journey. Perhaps your real Camino is only just beginning.

Don't have any regrets. The Camino is always waiting. It is a bit like life And I agree you should keep your screensaver. It may continue to offer insights and I am sure your journey was a valuable one in every sense. Buen Caminos!

 

[jsalt]

But i remember them now when i see the pictures on my screensaver

Hi, don’t have regrets.
You have just worked out that it is the people who make a camino, not the scenery, or the towns, or the food, or the wine, or the weather . . . or, or, or . . .
Jill

 

[Tincatinker]

Camino regrets? Carmelo from Cadiz. I met him somewhere around Santibanez de Valdeiglesia, probably in the Albergues orchard. He was smoking a spliff and I was bemoaning the fact that the only bar in town was shut. He explained that the bar was a 'casino' and would open soon. his English was as good as my Spanish so we managed. We walked the next few days together. We learned about each others preferences, me mountains, him the coast; and differences, me a contentedly retired civil servant, him a graduate and desperate for a job. In Rabanal we rummaged our packs and the kitchen cupboards and cooked ourselves an amazing feast that you will never find in a recipe book. At the Cruz Ferrol he gave me a bit of space to lay down a burden I had carried for years. At Manjarin he introduced me to Tomas and we talked for hours. And then we went in search of a drink, and a quiet smoke and somewhere on the way down to Riego I lost him. I expected to see him in the Albergue that night but didn't. Didn't see him again all the way to Santiago. And I forgot to thank him.

And all that said I long ago forgave myself that omission and I just remember that few days of companionship.

@Chris66 , don't regret what you did or didn't do - look forward to your next Camino ;0) when you can do it different.

 

[David Tallan]

My biggest regret was not exchanging contact information with any of the Camino amigos we met along our journey. In hopes of facilitating not repeating the mistake, I'm getting a personal sello made to take with me on my next camino, to more easily share that kind of information.

 

[spagirl]

Having regrets means that you are learning and growing.
Imagine if from now on you said yes to everything?
Think of the possibilities!!!

 

[november_moon]

Perhaps the Camino's greatest gift is that once you have begun, it seems to never stop. The lessons and experiences we have on Camino seem to be carried with us and shape our new thinking long after we have returned home. Indeed some of us have a whole new way of looking at life. And perhaps this realisation of regrets you are having is simply the Camino continuing to give you momentum. Momentum in your thinking and consequently your life.

YES!! It's the whole "once a pilgrim, always a pilgrim" thing. We've all been changed by this experience (some changes are major, some more subtle) and hopefully we continue our pilgrimage indefinitely by applying those changes to our lives.

 

[Former member 49149]

As above posts say, don't regret. And now you have said it out loud, the sting has maybe gone out of it and you can forget about it. The regret, not the Camino.

 

[Denver Bob]

Just because you have returned home doesn’t mean your Camino has ended. Take what you learned along the way and apply it to the rest of your Camino (life’s journey).

 

[LGLG]

Regret is actually a positive emotion ; as you point out you learnt something valuable for the future. Whereas, incidentally, guilt is not - it keeps you stuck in the past without resolution. Four weeks is a tight and demanding schedule in which to finish the Camino ... So like in life, when it moves fast, we are bound to miss opportunities, one of several reasons many return to make up for them. But, I don't think I would wait for my next Camino, in your situation, to apply what I have learned. It seems to me that there are endless opportunities to respond, relate, or reach out to other people in our everyday life - though of course they are even easier to miss or ignore than on the Camino when people are so much more connected to their real self and therefore closer to others also. Anyway, despite my rambling reflection here, the real reason fo my response here is to thank you for sharing your insight, because I for one will take to heart your post to increase my mindfulness of opportunities which are too easy to miss. Happy memories.

 

[Deleted member 39850]

On my first Camino (I leave for the second soon) my regret was bound up with a certain wisdom. Let me try to explain.
I probably hurt myself physically more than was necessary (it may even have been entirely avoidable -- there is no way to know) because I kept travelling with the same two men who had much longer strides than I. I felt safe with them. They were both significantly older than I, and when I was ignored in taverns for the first several days, they were happy to take my euros and purchase for me... We became a trio who would share the cost of snacks and lunches, and they would obtain all the service -- at least when we were in regions that seemed to have a problem with my travelling alone as a woman (side note: I 'd had not idea that was a thing until it was explained to me that in some rural-ash areas there is a view that a married woman should not leave her family, and a single woman should not be 'in the streets')...
But by Castrojirez I could hardly walk and I had to say good-bye to my friends. 2 days later, having expected never to see them again, we were reunited in a square and I whimpered about my destroyed knees to one of the fellows. He replied to me that I should just push through, that I could have surgery later but that the Camino might only happen once.
As the mother of a young adult, I thought on that advice and I realized I would never tell my child to destroy his knees (or anything) and get surgery later. Once again, I bid the fellows adios.
Only 2 days after that, the more reasonable fellow of the two texted me to see how I was doing and to tell me that his own legs were buckling under shin-splints. I offered to wait for him to catch up to me in Sahagún so I could give him some K-tape.
He and I walked much of the rest of the route together, at least meeting on most evenings.
One day out from Santiago, there was a catastrophe at home that tore my heart from my rib-cage. Only my friend made it possible for me to limp emotionally into Santiago, find a place to stay, find a train back to France, cancel my plans for Portugal... and so on.
We remain very good friends and I value his gentle humour. When he travelled to Canada 2 years post Camino, he came to visit and to meet my family, my son and spouse and mother.
I regret that I hurt myself because I was afraid to be alone, but I do not regret that I gained a wonderful friend.
I think that is the thing about life. We try to remove the bad from it, but sometimes its strands are bound up in the very best that the cosmos have to offer.
We learn nothing by doing everything "right".

 

[Turga]

Regrets? Yes, me too. On a late afternoon I was sitting outside my ’casa rural’ in Rabanal enjoying a beer when I saw this young girl coming up the steep street. She was a bit overweight and was carrying a rather big backpack, she looked totally devastated and for some reason she appeared lonely and helpless. The next day coming down from Cruz de Ferro before the last quite tough hours to Molinaseca, I saw her again. She was sitting on a little spot of grass beside the path resting with her back against the backpack looking tired and having this air of loneliness about her. I just passed by and several hours later coming down the last steep descent before Molinaseca on shaking legs, I thought about her and how she was going to manage this tough and quite isolated stretch.

I still think of this sometimes and I regret that I didn’t stop and talked to her and asked if she was ok and this has been a learning point for me.

 

[Michelle Menhennet]

“But i remember them now when i see the pictures on my screensaver....José from Brasil, Pieter from Poland, Ryan from america, Spencer from south Africa...etc ...
Regrets of walking maybe a little longer with someone, or just talk a little bit longer or just forget to ask her/his name...Maybe its a lesson for me for the next time, to take more time with the people..”

I have yet to walk the Camino myself, but it seems to me that you have uncovered a really precious lesson and a gift. You don’t need to wait until your next Camino to take more time with people, to pause and visit and listen and learn and laugh. Jose, Ryan, Spencer, Pieter, and the Italian woman with chocolate will still show up in your life every day, just wearing different names and faces. Every day you get a chance to banish that regret and spend time with them.

Thank you for sharing such a wonderful gift!

 

[Former member 49149]

On my first Camino (I leave for the second soon) my regret was bound up with a certain wisdom. Let me try to explain.
I probably hurt myself physically more than was necessary (it may even have been entirely avoidable -- there is no way to know) because I kept travelling with the same two men who had much longer strides than I. I felt safe with them. They were both significantly older than I, and when I was ignored in taverns for the first several days, they were happy to take my euros and purchase for me... We became a trio who would share the cost of snacks and lunches, and they would obtain all the service -- at least when we were in regions that seemed to have a problem with my travelling alone as a woman (side note: I 'd had not idea that was a thing until it was explained to me that in some rural-ash areas there is a view that a married woman should not leave her family, and a single woman should not be 'in the streets')...
But by Castrojirez I could hardly walk and I had to say good-bye to my friends. 2 days later, having expected never to see them again, we were reunited in a square and I whimpered about my destroyed knees to one of the fellows. He replied to me that I should just push through, that I could have surgery later but that the Camino might only happen once.
As the mother of a young adult, I thought on that advice and I realized I would never tell my child to destroy his knees (or anything) and get surgery later. Once again, I bid the fellows adios.
Only 2 days after that, the more reasonable fellow of the two texted me to see how I was doing and to tell me that his own legs were buckling under shin-splints. I offered to wait for him to catch up to me in Sahagún so I could give him some K-tape.
He and I walked much of the rest of the route together, at least meeting on most evenings.
One day out from Santiago, there was a catastrophe at home that tore my heart from my rib-cage. Only my friend made it possible for me to limp emotionally into Santiago, find a place to stay, find a train back to France, cancel my plans for Portugal... and so on.
We remain very good friends and I value his gentle humour. When he travelled to Canada 2 years post Camino, he came to visit and to meet my family, my son and spouse and mother.
I regret that I hurt myself because I was afraid to be alone, but I do not regret that I gained a wonderful friend.
I think that is the thing about life. We try to remove the bad from it, but sometimes its strands are bound up in the very best that the cosmos have to offer.
We learn nothing by doing everything "right".

Morgan, thank you! A wonderful post.

 

[Priscilla NC]

Thanks for sharing this, Morgan. I think that regrets can be great teachers -- and what a gift your regrets have given you -- a new window for your way of seeing the world we inhabit.

May you cherish your photos as reminders that we are always learning and growing.

 

[MoniRose]

I went alone (by choice) to the Camino in 2012 and although I reached out to people and made friends along the way, I lamented for three weeks about how sad I was that I was alone. Poor me, right?
Then one day I met up with a group of acquaintances and all five of us decided to walk together. Finally I had people to walk with but had a hard time keeping up. I found myself saying,”God, you finally gave me someone to walk with and I can’t keep up!” I was mad!
God responded,”You don’t have to walk alone.”
I realized I had a choice. So I asked them to wait for me if I lagged behind, and they did! We walked together for two weeks, and their presence changed my Camino.
Now, six years later, when I’m feeling sorry for myself and feeling alone, I remember, “You don’t have to walk alone.”
Take the lesson when it comes. Be grateful for each experience with no regrets.
Moni

 

[Former member 49149]

I went alone (by choice) to the Camino in 2012 and although I reached out to people and made friends along the way, I lamented for three weeks about how sad I was that I was alone. Poor me, right?
Then one day I met up with a group of acquaintances and all five of us decided to walk together. Finally I had people to walk with but had a hard time keeping up. I found myself saying,”God, you finally gave me someone to walk with and I can’t keep up!” I was mad!
God responded,”You don’t have to walk alone.”
I realized I had a choice. So I asked them to wait for me if I lagged behind, and they did! We walked together for two weeks, and their presence changed my Camino.
Now, six years later, when I’m feeling sorry for myself and feeling alone, I remember, “You don’t have to walk alone.”
Take the lesson when it comes. Be grateful for each experience with no regrets.
Moni

Well done Moni!

 

[Turga]

'With hope in your heart and you'll never walk alone'

 

[Walking Lover]

I've walked from april 27, till 27 may this year from St Jean to Santiago.
I'm already a few weeks on to my normal life at home.
At work i made a screensaver with all the pictures of the camino, well the most pictures i loved.
I found myself everyday at work staring at my screensaver for a couple of minutes, till a co-worker pushed me to wake me up again.

I have regrets at some pictures from pelgrims who asked me for a drink or something to eat, wich i denied cause i was, i dont know in a hurry? or i was to tired i dont know anymore, maybe i wasn't ready..
But i remember them now when i see the pictures on my screensaver....José from Brasil, Pieter from Poland, Ryan from america, Spencer from south Africa...etc all the people who wanted to share something with me wich i denied for some reason i can't explain.
I still remember the moments and even there faces when they asked me to.
And now when i see theire pictures i have regrets and wished i had joined them.

Even an Italian woman who took a break under a tree, wanted to share her chocolate with me, i refused and thank her for that and passed her. But that moment when i passed her i already regret it. Sometimes i could bang my head on a tree!

Does anyone also have regrets, that they missed some moments with a pelgrim that you wished you could turn back in time.
Regrets of walking maybe a little longer with someone, or just talk a little bit longer or just forget to ask her/his name.

Maybe its a lesson for me for the next time, to take more time with the people..
Or maybe i must delete my camino screensaver..

(lets not talk about my shoes..)

Yes, every time.

 

[Casserole]

I felt that way a little when I came back from mine. What I realized, and try to remember, that during that time, I needed to be alone. I wanted/needed to walk by myself and, in the long run, that was the best gift I could ever give myself.

 

[WalksInWinter]

You said no for a reason, perhaps you were very deep in thought and needed your private time? I would suggest you show some compassion for yourself and instead of seeing it as a 'regret' maybe see it as a lesson. In the future, maybe you will be ready to stop and talk to people, but we can't talk to everyone all the time. I am an introvert and need to guard my private time carefully or I get tired. Maybe those people weren't the right person for you at that time? Everything happens for a reason. Buen Camino.

 

[Deleted member 12253]

You said no for a reason, perhaps you were very deep in thought and needed your private time? I would suggest you show some compassion for yourself and instead of seeing it as a 'regret' maybe see it as a lesson. In the future, maybe you will be ready to stop and talk to people, but we can't talk to everyone all the time. I am an introvert and need to guard my private time carefully or I get tired. Maybe those people weren't the right person for you at that time? Everything happens for a reason. Buen Camino.

You were right to refuse. A pilgrimage is a private matter not a group walk. I am always asked what camino i walked and i always reply i was on a pilgrimage to Santiago . Take down your screen saver and No regrets

 

[Denver Bob]

I've walked from april 27, till 27 may this year from St Jean to Santiago.
I'm already a few weeks on to my normal life at home.
At work i made a screensaver with all the pictures of the camino, well the most pictures i loved.
I found myself everyday at work staring at my screensaver for a couple of minutes, till a co-worker pushed me to wake me up again.

I have regrets at some pictures from pelgrims who asked me for a drink or something to eat, wich i denied cause i was, i dont know in a hurry? or i was to tired i dont know anymore, maybe i wasn't ready..
But i remember them now when i see the pictures on my screensaver....José from Brasil, Pieter from Poland, Ryan from america, Spencer from south Africa...etc all the people who wanted to share something with me wich i denied for some reason i can't explain.
I still remember the moments and even there faces when they asked me to.
And now when i see theire pictures i have regrets and wished i had joined them.

Even an Italian woman who took a break under a tree, wanted to share her chocolate with me, i refused and thank her for that and passed her. But that moment when i passed her i already regret it. Sometimes i could bang my head on a tree!

Does anyone also have regrets, that they missed some moments with a pelgrim that you wished you could turn back in time.
Regrets of walking maybe a little longer with someone, or just talk a little bit longer or just forget to ask her/his name.

Maybe its a lesson for me for the next time, to take more time with the people..
Or maybe i must delete my camino screensaver..

(lets not talk about my shoes..)

Perhaps it is a lesson for your everyday life. Where is this showing up now? Will you have regrets about the relationships you missed by not taking the time in your life as you are living it. Your Camino continues at home.

 

[Deleted member 39850]

Thanks for sharing this, Morgan. I think that regrets can be great teachers -- and what a gift your regrets have given you -- a new window for your way of seeing the world we inhabit.

May you cherish your photos as reminders that we are always learning and growing.

Just seeing this reply now. Heartfelt thanks.

 

[La Brique Jaune]

Hi Chris66
I'm touched by your posting so I post something:

-I walked with a girl from England (with the sexiest accent I ever heard) during a couple a hours. We meet at the "Fuentes de los Mauros" and we stay in a albergue in Los Arcos. On the evening, she decided to stay one day more. And I say to myself if she asking me to stay I will stay...Dumb..So I walked the next day alone and never meet her again.

-One day I saw a man pushing an another one in a wheelchair, I was really preoccupied at this time.
When I heard about a movie called "I'll push you". I felted like Sh** inside me, If I only helped them only 15 minutes, *it would have been 15 minutes of less pain on their back*. Better than nothing.

-And Staying in Albergue with communal meals

The Camino in few worlds: Pictures, Making contacts and say Yes

But a Camino do not finish in Santiago, we can learn something with regrets and apply in the real life

* I use google translate on this one

La Brique

 

[CiaraC]

My biggest regret was not exchanging contact information with any of the Camino amigos we met along our journey. In hopes of facilitating not repeating the mistake, I'm getting a personal sello made to take with me on my next camino, to more easily share that kind of information.

A personal sello is a wonderful idea! Hope you don't mind if I steal that one?

 

[Caminolou]

I’m not sure. I tried to be nice and helped where I could. Now I have to walk again because instead of walking my camino I turned into a nurse, shrink, packing mule and conflict mediator. And I really needed some time for myself...... I made a mess somehow.

Well actually no, I have no regrets

 

[Former member 49149]

I’m not sure. I tried to be nice and helped where I could. Now I have to walk again because instead of walking my camino I turned into a nurse, shrink, packing mule and conflict mediator. And I really needed some time for myself...... I made a mess somehow.

Well actually no, I have no regrets

I just re-read your having a hard time post. I note that you live just up the road from the “Camino”. I love that you have now written: Well actually no, I have no regrets . So, when is your next Camino going to happen?!!!

 

[Caminolou]

I just re-read your having a hard time post. I note that you live just up the road from the “Camino”. I love that you have now written: Well actually no, I have no regrets . So, when is your next Camino going to happen?!!!

Hopefully at the beginning of april. I signed up for “veterans on the camino” and am in the selection proces. Final selection will be made public first week of january. If that doesnt work out, I am volunteering in Grado starting from 1 August. Then ill start walking in juni/july somewhere, take the route Frances at start and go up to Grado from Leon. After the volunteering ill take the route primitivo to Santiago.

All I need is a little patience, but Im on my way

 

[Caminolou]

Im also volunteering down here, so really I am already back on the camino ill walk a mini pilgrimage with a group of kids few times in january. They walk from school to an auberge here in the Netherlands and get questions on the way that they need to discus. More or less an introduction to become a pilgrim after that ill be a hospitalero for a week in the same auberge.

It really is life changing! I guess I had to endure the pain before I was given the opportunity, its the camino hey

 

[Former member 49149]

Im also volunteering down here, so really I am already back on the camino ill walk a mini pilgrimage with a group of kids few times in january. They walk from school to an auberge here in the Netherlands and get questions on the way that they need to discus. More or less an introduction to become a pilgrim after that ill be a hospitalero for a week in the same auberge.

It really is life changing! I guess I had to endure the pain before I was given the opportunity, its the camino hey

Well done! Delighted to see the positive effects your camino has wrought in you. Ultreia!

 

[Caminolou]

Well done! Delighted to see the positive effects your camino has wrought in you. Ultreia!

Thank you, its just the beginning. I have work to do still. And I thank all of you pilgrims for being such an inspiration. It is you that make these changes possible, not the gravel on the roads ahead.