Second thoughts

[johnnyman]

Greetings, folks: I have been planning my first Camino (Frances) this summer, but just recently am having second thoughts and thinking maybe I need some encouragement. It's not any one thing, but several recent factors, including physical ability and finances. On Saturday, I walked about 10 miles with an 18-pound pack, the heaviest load I've carried so far. The walk was pretty tough. Am I fooling myself to think I can actually walk from Pamplona to Santiago during the month of June, averaging 16-17 miles a day? Also, I'm beginning to wonder about the "smartness" of spending $3,000 on such a trip, when I need to replace an aging car, put some money in the bank and help my daughter get started in college. I have a job that pays pretty well, but that I do not enjoy at all. I want a new life. Any thoughts?

 

[JohnnieWalker]

Hi Johnnyman

It seems to me that you are the only one who can work out your expenditure priorities.

However in terms of whether you can walk the Camino Frances - please don't reach a conclusion after your first or even first few training walks with a full pack. Keep it up - I promise you it gets easier. And your pack may get lighter.

The great thing about the Camino Frances is that the frequency of accommodation is such that you can start off with fairly modest distances and build up the mileage as your stamina builds.

Walking the Camino is a wonderful experience. It takes many people to a "new place" in their lives.

Only you can decide what comes first in your life though.

Good luck with the decision.

 

[mikevasey]

Hi johnny,

I was just reading your message, about needing encouragement. I had similar thoughts to my physical fitness before i started my 1st camino, 'would i be able to walk several hundred miles with a backpack', and i would not be surprised if most people on this forum had similar thoughts. Once you start it the fitness and mileage kinda happen. When i train for the camino, i find it a real struggle to get past 10 miles without a backpack. On the camino at some point i find myself able(if needed) to walk multiple days of 40km with a 8 kilo backpack. Something happens when you walk the camino, not sure what you can put it down to, but it happens to most people, you find yourself at some point (maybe not straight away) able to do a lot more than you believed you could.

I will not try to encourage you on the finances side.But what i will say that walking the camino can really focus your mind as to where your life needs changing, and give you the strength as to how and where you can do it.

Mike

 

[Anniesantiago]

Hi There!

I think a lot of people have those same thoughts. Here are MY thoughts:

There is no law that says you have to walk 16 to 17 miles per day. In the beginning, walk until you're too tired, then stop. Gradually, your endurance will increase.

As someone else mentioned, there is a good chance your pack will get lighter. You could probably lighten it now. For example, if you are walking in June/July, you probably do not need a heavy sleeping bag. How about just one of those $30 fleece liners? That's what Joe took and he was fine. You don't need a big heavy jacket, just a windbreaker or better yet, a rain poncho. Etc... etc...

Regarding the money. You can't take it with you. Money is to enjoy. So go, and have the time of your life! You can make more money when you get home!

If your daughter wants to go to college, she can pay for it. She'll appreciate it more. And you can help her later, when it's time to pay back financial aid.

Getting up each day and hating your job is serious. GO WALK. It will give you several weeks of nothing interrupting your thought process... you will figure out a lot of problems. It is valuable.. more valuable than the $3000 you'd save.

Life is to enjoy... so GO ENJOY IT!

That's my advice

 

[lynnejohn]

In addition to what other have said about pack weight, fitness and ability to walk, I guess I would just say it seems you have multiple worries / priorities outside the camino itself. Well, the camino really can help focus your perspective and sort out your priorities. It's not magic. It's just that you're not burdened by work, finances, multiple day-to-day demands and all that goes with that whole way of life. You walk, you eat, you rest. Doesn't get more simple than that. You have room to breathe and see clearly a little further down the road . Sometimes it's ok to just put down your burdens for a time, pick up your pack and walk.

Whatever feels right, do it!

Let us know how you get on.

Go well.

 

[Deleted member 3000]

Many a camino has been dashed on the rocks of expectations. You may be headed straight for the reef. It is not easy walking even 12 miles per day, day after day. Fifteen to seventeen? That is a pretty high bar for defining success. I have three French walks and five Spain walks, and won't even lace on my boots to try a 30 km day. I just look for the halfway mark, or start looking for a taxi.

As Annie says, start slowly and let your endurance build. Do not be reluctant to take a rest day. It will have amazing restorative powers. Do not let a planned schedule get in the way of what you actually do. If you fall behind a time schedule for a returning flight, take buses, trains, and taxis.

There are no objective standards for a successful Camino, not even getting the Compostela. Don't let artificial standards become obstacles to a successful Camino. You really do get to lower your standard any time you want, though you might need to have walked the Camino to understand that. If you set the standard low enough, you cannot fail. I am sorry if that is too anti-competitive, but I am pretty certain it is true!

 

[Whalleyranger]

Getting up each day and hating your job is serious. GO WALK. It will give you several weeks of nothing interrupting your thought process... you will figure out a lot of problems. It is valuable.. more valuable than the $3000 you'd save.

Life is to enjoy... so GO ENJOY IT!

Hear hear!

You can't put a price on quality of life.

 

[Br. David]

Hi Johnny. An honest and open post.
I think that your hesitations are less about the pack you can see and more about the other load that you are carrying. From what you have said it seems clear that you have already reached the end of one road. Every decision you have made so far has led you to this point, a life that you are unhappy with, and where you are not as financially successful as you would wish to be. You are at a crisis point, but you already know that.

Many people walk the Camino because of a crisis in their lives - and your choice may just give you the space and distance to re-evaluate your life, re-energise it, and allow you to go home renewed and with a fresh start ahead.

On the other hand, how old is your daughter? The Camino will always be there, she won't be. Why not take a cheaper walking holiday with her in your own country? A really cheap but bonding time-out from your day to day life that she and you will never forget.

You don't have to walk the camino to be a pilgrim, we are all pilgrims already in this life journey, but if your desire for pilgrimage was to do with an inner desire for change then the change must start in the heart, in this case your heart. I would start with the daughter, and only when that road has been truly walked would I go to Spain.

But this is just my own opinion.

I wish you well :wink:

 

[BHfmSanDiego]

If there is ever a question on why people come to this board for advise, the advise in this thread says it all. Everyone of you spoke from your heart, giving advise that in it's own way will help heal the soul. Everybody comes to the Camino with some type of life baggage, the beauty of the Camino is that is lets you sort it out, find out what is important and what is not. Johnnyman, the people that are responding to your post are the kind of people you'll meet on your Camino when you do it, people that don't ask for anything but are willing to give you what they can, there is a saying "the Camino provides", it's providing for you even now. Though I don't want to call it a regret, I only wish I could have walked with any and all of you on my Camino, or hopefully some day we'll meet up and walk together.
Ultreya,
Barry

 

[marian55]

Freedom of spirit ....= ....take your own and best decisions!
Obviously you take your decisions by looking at things from different angles.
You are not just following your own desires.
Beautiful ....but also difficult. Often we are not able to please everybody .....and to achieve everything at the same moment....

What I would suggest: put on your shoes...take some apples, bread and butter.....walk to the nearest hill or mountain (or pool).... sit down......watch the scenery ....and take a decision from the heart.
And ....throw away all doubt!

Good luck! Un buen Camino...- :arrow: wherever it brings you!

 

[peregrinachristina]

I AGREE WHOLEHEARTEDLY WITH ANNIESANTIAGO. YOUR LIFE WILL BE CHANGED BY THIS EXPERIENCE.

I went to a talk recently wherein the speaker, a woman in her seventies, spoke of her surprise that she could get up from her desk and just walk. She walked 15km every day, and then took the bus as far a the nearest albergue. You will discover what your personal capabilities are. The Camino WILL test you, but it may not be in the ways in which you think now.

I have to warn you, you will become hooked. I leave for my second Camino, tomorrow. This time, I am second-guessing myself about distances, because on the Camino del Norte the albergues are further apart, but having done it once, I'm more able to surrender myself to the uncertainty of it.

Best of luck with your decision

Chris

 

[Arn]

Johnnyman, Chris and all!

The Camino is a salve for the inner hurts as well as the reason for many of the outer!

We often speak of the Camino as an "extraordinary" influence that takes over even the best planned walk along the Way. I believe, and this thread supports, the Camino is in each of us. It's practical, encouraging, demanding, surprising and genuine.

Johnnyman...whatever your decision...it's the right one for you...now!

Chris...Buen Camino as you take another step along the Way.

To the remaining posters...you are the lifeblood of the Forum!

Arn

 

[annelise]

Thank you for your post, Johnnyman, and all the supporting posts.

Your post exactly reflects the anxieties I have myself (planning to start on the Frances in early May)

A very clever woman on this site (Priscillian), sent me a PM with very good advice, namely: do not overdo it, keep your own pace (and generally: lower your ambitions).

I love this site. When I told my son that I had plans of going on the Camino, he said: 'Go for it mom – it will be just the thing for you'.

 

[johnnyman]

Thanks, folks, for all the heartfelt replies. And Annelise, my daughter also told me awhile back to go for it. "You deserve it, dad," she said. I think I have lived most of my life in fear of this or that, including financial fear (definitely financial fear). I've basically grown into a big ol' scaredy-cat. I was pretty fearless as a kid, and now I'm a thin-skinned, self-conscious, mostly miserable, 50-something fraidy-cat. From everything I've read about the Camino, I need it badly ...

 

[Anniesantiago]

I hope you will keep a blog... I love to read about people's experiences and how they grow on the Camino. It's very encouraging to the rest of us.

I look forward to YOUR Camino!

 

[lynnejohn]

johnnyman - I have used, and shared this as a meditation prior to my caminos. Perhaps it will help you. This is a section from a longer poem "For the Traveler". The book "To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings" is also available for kindle.

. . . .
A journey can become a sacred thing:
Make sure, before you go,
To take the time
To bless your going forth,
To free your heart of ballast
So that the compass of your soul
Might direct you toward
The territories of spirit
Where you will discover
More of your hidden life,
And the urgencies
That deserve to claim you.
May you travel in an awakened way,
Gathered wisely into your inner ground;
That you may not waste the invitations
Which wait along the way to transform you.
May you travel safely, arrive refreshed,
And live your time away to its fullest;
Return home more enriched, and free
To balance the gift of days which call you.

-John O'Donohue, from To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings

 

[catherinemccoy]

I am sitting here in tears as I read these posts and have never read one that speaks to my soul so completely. I have the same fears about health, weight, finances and children and have my flight booked for Sept to leave from Canada. I too have a job that doesn't make me happy and 5 children who are at that stage of life; but I need this more than anything because I know that I'm at the end of a road and need desperately to have a new purpose. Thank you to all for your sincere and heartfelt responses and thanks johnnyman for your post!

 

[methodist.pilgrim.98]

I could not afford to come on the Camino in 2010. My wife lent me some money, my mum and sister gave me some. I'm still paying it off.

It was my 8th time on the Camino and there was no logical reason to come except that I needed to.

2011 will be Camino free but that is ok as I have achieved my aim of walking every year from the Holy Year of 2004 to the Holy Year of 2010.

I am now in my mid 50's and life has gotten scary for all sorts of reasons. What I do know is this; when I am dying I will not be full of regret for not having done what my heart truly wanted to do.

In 1998 my father and I set out from SJPP to walk the Camino. He had to give up in Pamplona and return home. He died in October 2010 and not getting to Santiago was the greatest regret of his (and my) life. If only we had heard of this journey a few years earlier.

All that we take to heaven is our faith, our love and our memories. Mine are full of the Camino and how precious my time upon it has been.

My advice; do not miss the opportunity.

 

[joanfromcomox]

Dear Johnnyman,

Quote : my daughter also told me awhile back to go for it. "You deserve it, dad,"

Greetings from the west coast of Canada. Like others, I thank you for sharing so openly and honestly. It's an honour to be trusted in that way.

As I read through the posts, I thought ... my goodness, what is the right thing for this man to do. Though the answer is not for any of us to make, I was deeply moved by your daughter's words. You may be questioning many things in your life, but it appears that you have succeeded in one of the most important things some of us are called upon to do ... raise a child and, hopefully, into a caring adult. I may be that your daughter's words may be the beacon you are searching for.

I have not yet travelled the Camino. I will do so next year (2012). If all goes well, I will be walking with my daughter. So, I can speak from first-hand experience of the beauty of a daughter's love ... and it appears you have that in abundance.

 

[Nandy61]

Ooooh....I see another Camino addict in the making!

Johnnyman you are going to be transformed by this Camino (if you decide to go) You will find an inner and outer strength that will so surprise you. Of course you can walk it; take it slowly at first and your body will respond. The Way will also allow you reams of time to think and reflect. It can reveal to you what is most important in your life. I think you totally need to go. You won't be disappointed and in the long run $3000 is chump-change.
Buen camino!

 

[+@^^]

my daughter (age 17) did a presentation to her class while i was walking the camino in sept
she told the class she was so proud of her dad
"who was living his dream"
.
so theres a perspective from a young woman
sometime we might just need to ask them
and not presume an answer on their behalf

 

[CaroleH]

You people are amazing and I just love your honesty and willingness to share...... this stream has made me cry, not just a wee tear in the eye but a really good cry. Think I needed it. Probably because we leave for Spain in 6 days time, and this fourth camino has made me so anxious, worried and excited all at the same time. Like everyone, I have worries with elderly parents, blisters and last minute purchases to be made, but yes, Lynne, this camino is our gift to ourselves. Being on camino, walking our way to health and happiness, taking sick relations and friends with us in spirit, using the power of positive thinking, it's where I want to be too, where I need to be.

Thankyou all you beautiful people for these posts.

Johnnyman, you'll make the right decision. Be brave.
Buen camino a todos.

 

[Kitsambler]

Hi Johnny,

Sometimes the answer is neither "yes" nor "no"; sometimes the answer is "wait". I was not able to start my first Camino in the originally intended year, due to a family health crisis. I had to wait a year -- and it was the right decision for me.

It may or may not be the right approach for you, but it often helps to expand one's list of options.

 

[annelise]

Johnnyman, today I went ahead and booked my plane ticket! - thanks to you and the other posters who helped me to make my decision.

I must admit that I have kind of held back - but booking the plane ticket has made this a real and definite thing - and not just a thing of wishing, planning etc - I am so good at daydreaming about all the things I just 'might' wish to do. - And I have told my sons that I am now spending all their future 'inheritance' on making my dream come true - and I am glad to be able to report that they thoroughly support me.

So all my best to you, Johnnyman, from a slightly unfit (but training now), a bit overweight 66 year old woman, leaving on April 28 for Roncesvalles.

Annelise, Denmark

 

[CaroleH]

I think I have lived most of my life in fear of this or that, including financial fear


"Feel the fear and do it anyway" . . . well known, book title, but a good one to adopt. Tackle a small fear to begin with eg. starting that money savings account, holding an insect, public speaking (that was mine) or walking for 1 hour with a daughter . . . . . and when that's done, you feel good, stronger, so you then tackle another fear, maybe a bigger fear. Each time you take on that old Mr Fear and succeed, it gives you more courage to face bigger things. It works for me. I'll remember forever the feelings of elation, achievement and fear conquered at the end of the first day of our first camino. At the end of that 14km I felt fearless, and knew I could do it, could make it all the way.

 

[johnnyman]

Lots and lots of very cool people here. I look forward to meeting folks like you. I definitely am going, with my arrival in Pamplona planned for June 9. My training is going well (12 miles with an 18-pound pack in a little over 3.5 hours last Saturday). Now, all I have to do is finish gathering needed supplies, and pull the trigger on plane tickets!

 

[MoniRose]

Dear Johnnyman - I decided to walk last October and then proceeded to put up every roadblock available. My turning point came when I asked myself "If I DON'T do it, will I wish I had?" The answer was a resounding YES! I knew I would always regret it. For me it was a feeling that I didn't really deserve it; that it was meant for other people and not for me. And, of course, fear.....of traveling alone, not knowing the language, spending money, physical (in)ability, leaving my home (and cat! really? the cat?!) for seven weeks (would I be forgotten by friends, neighbors, family?)......but I became determined to not let fear keep me from life. So I bought a ticket to Paris! I am set to leave May 26 and still have not figured everything out, but by golly I'm gonna be on that plane!

Money is only money. It is a lot, but two, five, ten years from now it will seem so insignificant. God provides what we need when we need it. I expect I will find a priceless trade-off on the Camino. - M :arrow:

And Barry - I feel the same way. I was just a little excited thinking I wish I could take all of you with me, but now as I write this I realize that I WILL be taking all of you because you are the ones who have walked along with me on my journey so far. Every day I feel blessed, humbled to have had the Camino find me and that I found all of you!

 

[Arn]

MoniRose,

That's the spirit!!! You are in the flow now and the Camino awaits with open arms.

You mentioned you have gotten everything sorted out yet. Well, since you are now one with the Forum...I guess you know where to get assistance with those pesky loose ends.

Keep us all informed as you move toward walking the Way.

Buen Camino,

Arn

 

[francie503]

Thank you all for the encouragement. I recently turned 61 years of age and decided I'm going to walk the camino. I started "training" on June 20, 2012 and I'm walking 20 miles a week. I've noticed I'm not walking any more miles per week but the hills that I walk are getting easier.

About every 3 or 4 days I feel a little overly tired and need some extra sleep but my body seems to bounce back and I'm refreshed again. However the sustained walking of the camino Frances has me a little unsure that it will be doable. I did the math and realize the amount of walking I will do each day but again I don't have any of the other obligations and responsibilites I have at home.

I also experienced on other vacations the amount of walking I was able to do effortlessly but this trek is a month full of walking. I've always be active so this is a plus that I'm not starting from a place of inactivity.

I plan to train with a backpack and have come to the realization to "TRAVEL LIGHT" and do without but the little doubt remains in the back of my head.

I'll be sure to pack my vitamins and green tea.

Wanted to say that his forum is awesome.....thanks!!!

 

[dnfaddis]

I won't tell you how to handle your personal finances, but being a humble college student, I can definitely relate to second guesses due to money. All I will say is that second thoughts is normal, and even welcomed. But remember, you can't put a price tag on life experiences. Enjoy your adventure! Buen Camino