Social anxiety...

[Wildling]

Hi all,

I'm fairly new here (thus is my second post so hope I'm doing it right! ).

I walked part of the Camino in 2013, but this was with my family and we stayed in hotels. Since then it has called me to go back and do the Camino Frances in its entirety on my own.

I've had a lot going on in my life in the last couple of years and I've made some pretty big decisions over the last few weeks which are going to be effective as of end of June (leaving my job, flat etc to name but a few). I've decided to walk the Camino in early July, because I feel now is the right time, a good walk always clears my head and the way I've been feeling in the last few months it's going to take a 500mile long walk to clear my head!!

My question really is about being anxious around the social side of things, I've had problems with social anxiety (amongst other m.health problems) over the years (which, believe me, I've worked incredibly hard to get past) but that familiar anxiety is now creeping in - maybe I'm just looking for reassurance here but is it really as easy and welcoming as everyone makes out? I worry about silly things like will I have to eat alone every night? What if I can't find somewhere to sleep? Will I make friends?

I'd be really interested to hear from other people who've had similar thoughts and any advice anyone can offer. I really want to do this (and think I need to)!!

 

[trafferty]

I have those same thoughts at times. I'm basically a quiet person but I do enjoy sitting with others and listening. I want to walk alone but I know I will have to put myself out there if I want company in the evening. I just tell myself don't be silly, you will be fine and find something else to dwell on like how beautiful the sunrise will be in orrison...

 

[Ekelund]

Hi Wildling
I recognize your thoughts as I have had them myself every time I leave for a caminowalk. I'm a social person but not very outgoing and I'm kind of shy. In spite of that I have made friends on the Camino. I met a Dutch woman on The CP in 2014 and in 2015 we met up and walked the Camino Ingles together and had a wonderful time. We will always be friends.
The CP in July will be bursting with people and you will connect with some of them, maybe you will have a Camino family. You will meet the same people every evening in the albergues, lots of people walk on their own but most of them would like some company after a long day of solitude walking.
When I go to a cafe or restaurant for dinner, I bring my diary along (actually it is one of the items I bring everywhere - even in the shower stall in a plastic bag) and if I find myself eating alone, I'll write or read in my diary. Or I will sit quietly and enjoy the moment and my food. If I walk into a restaurant and recognize somebody from the days walk or the albergue, I have walked up to their table and politely asked if I could join them and people always smile and say "please do" . Now this is a difficult thing for me to do but when I have done it, it has always been great and it is a good way to deal with my shyness.
All the best to you, I hope you will have a great Camino.
Buen Camino.

 

[angus55morrison]

Hi all,

I'm fairly new here (thus is my second post so hope I'm doing it right! ).

I walked part of the Camino in 2013, but this was with my family and we stayed in hotels. Since then it has called me to go back and do the Camino Frances in its entirety on my own.

I've had a lot going on in my life in the last couple of years and I've made some pretty big decisions over the last few weeks which are going to be effective as of end of June (leaving my job, flat etc to name but a few). I've decided to walk the Camino in early July, because I feel now is the right time, a good walk always clears my head and the way I've been feeling in the last few months it's going to take a 500mile long walk to clear my head!!

My question really is about being anxious around the social side of things, I've had problems with social anxiety (amongst other m.health problems) over the years (which, believe me, I've worked incredibly hard to get past) but that familiar anxiety is now creeping in - maybe I'm just looking for reassurance here but is it really as easy and welcoming as everyone makes out? I worry about silly things like will I have to eat alone every night? What if I can't find somewhere to sleep? Will I make friends?

I'd be really interested to hear from other people who've had similar thoughts and any advice anyone can offer. I really want to do this (and think I need to)!!

Hi Wildling
I recognize your thoughts as I have had them myself every time I leave for a caminowalk. I'm a social person but not very outgoing and I'm kind of shy. In spite of that I have made friends on the Camino. I met a Dutch woman on The CP in 2014 and in 2015 we met up and walked the Camino Ingles together and had a wonderful time. We will always be friends.
The CP in July will be bursting with people and you will connect with some of them, maybe you will have a Camino family. You will meet the same people every evening in the albergues, lots of people walk on their own but most of them would like some company after a long day of solitude walking.
When I go to a cafe or restaurant for dinner, I bring my diary along (actually it is one of the items I bring everywhere - even in the shower stall in a plastic bag) and if I find myself eating alone, I'll write or read in my diary. Or I will sit quietly and enjoy the moment and my food. If I walk into a restaurant and recognize somebody from the days walk or the albergue, I have walked up to their table and politely asked if I could join them and people always smile and say "please do" . Now this is a difficult thing for me to do but when I have done it, it has always been great and it is a good way to deal with my shyness.
All the best to you, I hope you will have a great Camino.
Buen Camino.

Hi Wilding ,Don't let these thoughts live rent free in your head ,I've always been backward at going forward with poor social skills at times,but the pull of the Camino is very strong. The majority of pilgrim's made up for what I lacked enjoy every minute of your camino I'm sure other's wiser than me will offer lots of help. Buen Camino.

 

[november_moon]

In many albergues, dinner is served family-style at a communal table, so it would be hard to eat alone then even if you wanted to In other places, there just aren't enough tables for everyone traveling solo to have his or her own table, so people share tables with strangers or new acquaintances a lot. Even when you show up at a roadside restaurant or bar, if its busy, you may end up sharing a table with other pilgrims - or if you are already there, they may ask to share your table. And even if you have your own table, people at the next table may just start talking to you. All this is to say that you'd have to work very hard to eat alone every day, or even most days.

 

[MTtoCamino]

I think the vast majority of folks will be very kind, yet it only takes one bad experience with someone. Just remember you are never alone at least in my belief you are walking the trail of souls those you can physically see& those that we don't. You will be stronger for it.

 

[Mark Lee]

I think despite some trepidation you will quickly adjust and get into the flow and you have the advantage of some familiarity with the Camino.
A few times here and there you will eat alone, but so do a lot of pilgrims. No big deal.
You will have a place to sleep every night and you will make friends. \
cheers and ultreia

 

[ellsea]

In my experience, I had very similar social dynamics on my Camino that I have in my regular life. I set out alone, but had very little difficulty making connections. The first few days, I definitely had the "will I make friends?" anxiety, and a few times along the way I'd look at large loving groups of well-bonded pilgrims, before realizing that I don't actually operate in large social "families," but tend to make one-on-one connections. In some regards, the biggest challenge wasn't in finding people to spend time with, but in learning to be selective in who I actually wanted to spend time with, including only myself. Buen Camino.

 

[Peter Fransiscus]

Hi all,

I'm fairly new here (thus is my second post so hope I'm doing it right! ).

I walked part of the Camino in 2013, but this was with my family and we stayed in hotels. Since then it has called me to go back and do the Camino Frances in its entirety on my own.

I've had a lot going on in my life in the last couple of years and I've made some pretty big decisions over the last few weeks which are going to be effective as of end of June (leaving my job, flat etc to name but a few). I've decided to walk the Camino in early July, because I feel now is the right time, a good walk always clears my head and the way I've been feeling in the last few months it's going to take a 500mile long walk to clear my head!!

My question really is about being anxious around the social side of things, I've had problems with social anxiety (amongst other m.health problems) over the years (which, believe me, I've worked incredibly hard to get past) but that familiar anxiety is now creeping in - maybe I'm just looking for reassurance here but is it really as easy and welcoming as everyone makes out? I worry about silly things like will I have to eat alone every night? What if I can't find somewhere to sleep? Will I make friends?

I'd be really interested to hear from other people who've had similar thoughts and any advice anyone can offer. I really want to do this (and think I need to)!!

Hello, you will be fine. Some times is it almost impossible to be alone. You will make life time friends also.
I would say, go with the flow and you will have a great time.
Wish you a wonderful journey and a Buen Camino, Peter.

 

[Marc S.]

Your anxiety sounds very recognizable to me, I had the same worries before starting my first camino.
I had exactly the same worries about things like eating on my own, and feeling awkward about this.
In reality, so many people start out their walk on their own, so you often find people to share a meal
or a drink with. But also when you eat on your own, it is no big deal, many people do so, and nobody
will stare at you. Unfriendly behaviour is very rare at the camino, I think.
For me, being a little introvert, the social aspect was a big challenge when walking my first camino (and it still is).
I discovered that I simply prefer walking on my own, and although enjoying meeting other people, I do not need
to move around in a group constantly & have no desire to become part of a socalled 'camino family'.
You'll be fine !

 

[Scott Sweeney]

You are correct, you are worrying about silly things. If you feel you must worry then worry about blisters or your knees.

 

[Aidan21]

Hi Wildling,
Can I suggest that you stop worrying; yeah just stop it. Worrying ruins the peace of today over events that may not happen tomorrow. OK maybe easier said than done, but if you can instead simply adopt a stance of acceptance of letting things be as they are and taking life as it comes it may relieve you of a lot of mental stress. For instance if you decide to greet most people you meet with a simple 'Hola' then they will either respond or not, which is up to them. If their response is warm then a conversation may naturally take place and if not, so what? Just take it as it comes, speak to folks and for sure many of them will speak back and all of a sudden you are 5 kms closer to SDC. You are apilgrim on your way to SDC and through your life, you are not lost, you are where you are supposed to be. Just be open to others and take it from there. All will be well, always!! Buen Camino.
Aidan

 

[Felipe]

I, too, belong to the "social shy" clan...And the easiness to make acquaintances, with very diverse people of many countries and cultures, is one of the things that I like more in the Camino.
People are more prone to accept social talk with complete strangers there than in daily life. I suppose this is because we are in a new, unfamiliar context, just out of curiosity, or simply because there is not too much to do...Also, when you find the same people again and again, as it happens, you start saying "buen día" and sooner or later engage in some talk. On the other side...in my experience it is easier to make "Camino friends" (it is a particular friendship, easier but more circumstantial) in stages and months when there is not too much people. I have felt more lonely walking with crowds after Sarriá than in less frequented routes in winter, with only a few walkers in the paths. But this may be just me...

 

[musicagl]

I'm a serious introvert and somewhat of a loner. I preferred to walk alone. That said, I found it very easy and natural to talk to people in the evening whereever I stopped. The Camino is a community unlike any other and all types are accepted and accommodated. You will find your way.

 

[Linda Fantillo]

Good morning, Wilding. Thought I would share a little mantra that I have used over the years when that nasty little bug of worry raises its head over issues that crop up in life:

Ask your higher wisdom if it is not true that without worry you would have arrived exactly where you are now, and more pleasantly.

Worry and fear are not tickets on the express train - they are extra baggage.
You were going that way anyway.

Buen Camino,
Linda

 

[CdnDreamer]

To answer your fears about not finding a place to sleep: On my first camino we arrived in Zubiri and the town was full. I was exhausted and just sat down on the sidewalk, unable to go any farther. My friend found a pilgrim to translate, and they spoke with an owner of a pension. She called a motel about 1 km away and the owner drove down and picked us up in his van. He took us to our room and told us to have a nap and then check in. There are many angels that will help you on the camino. You just have to reach out and ask.

The second camino I walked alone. I sometimes ate dinner alone, but I preferred to eat with other pilgrims. Usually I went to dinner with pilgrims from the albergue. There is a new thread on the forum of all the albergues that have communal meals, where everyone sits together for dinner. I really enjoyed the communal meals as there were so many people at the table. You may want to take that list with you.

As for friends - the camino will provide. In July there will be so many people to meet and help along the way. Some may become close friends.

Lots of people will be walking the camino due to changes in their lives. On my second camino I met a woman from the USA who had just gotten divorced and sold her house and business and without any preparation walked the camino to work through her feelings and make decisions about her life. And after the walk she had her answers.

It is normal to be worried about the trip. It takes a big leap of faith to leave the comfortable surroundings that you know, and head off for over a month in a different country by yourself. But know that you have the courage to do this - you have already walked the camino with support from family. Now you are ready to do it alone.

Buen Camino

 

[movinmaggie]

Welcome to the forum Wildling. You are going at the busiest time, so you'll be walking and dining with others before you know it. Personally, I prefer to be on my own, as I feel it leaves much more 'space' for quiet contemplation. However I would not trade the few times I did share walking with others. Some of my warmest memories are from the sharing of the Pilgrims' meals. I think you'll find thar there are no strangers on the Camino.

 

[Shalaw]

I heard something recently and thought it was beautiful;

The Camino is God's wish for how people should be when they are together.

When we did our camino, all of the pilgrims looked out for each other and were extremely kind, forgiving and accepting of all. If someone was sitting on the side of the road, or when we were on the side of the road, everyone always checked that everything is okay before passing them. Or, if someone looked to be out of water, we offered them one of our four water bottles (ok, we were extreme with hydration!! LOL) Everyone just looked out for one another, and shared everything, from band aids to corkscrews to advice to a shoulder to cry on or someone to laugh with and one of the many beauties of the Camino is that you can choose to be as social or as un-social as you want to be.

If you should come across someone who isn't so kind, please remember that they may be going through something really hard in their life, which may be why they may be doing the camino in the first place, so don't take it personally.

And remember, the Camino provides....in all kinds of ways!!

Buen Camino!!

 

[Waka]

I heard something recently and thought it was beautiful;

The Camino is God's wish for how people should be when they are together.

When we did our camino, all of the pilgrims looked out for each other and were extremely kind, forgiving and accepting of all. If someone was sitting on the side of the road, or when we were on the side of the road, everyone always checked that everything is okay before passing them. Or, if someone looked to be out of water, we offered them one of our four water bottles (ok, we were extreme with hydration!! LOL) Everyone just looked out for one another, and shared everything, from band aids to corkscrews to advice to a shoulder to cry on or someone to laugh with and one of the many beauties of the Camino is that you can choose to be as social or as un-social as you want to be.

If you should come across someone who isn't so kind, please remember that they may be going through something really hard in their life, which may be why they may be doing the camino in the first place, so don't take it personally.

And remember, the Camino provides....in all kinds of ways!!

Buen Camino!!

So true.

 

[Introibo]

Hi Wildling

Marc S makes an important observation when he says that many people start out alone. So being "one person"
rather than a couple / family / group is not as unusual as it is in most social situations. So suddenly then the
single person becomes almost the norm. Then there are the two words that make for an instant bond.
Two words that conquer shyness and cross language barriers. Learn those two words before you go and you'll
have no lonely days or lonely meals

Buen Camino

 

[Wildling]

Hi Wildling
I recognize your thoughts as I have had them myself every time I leave for a caminowalk. I'm a social person but not very outgoing and I'm kind of shy. In spite of that I have made friends on the Camino. I met a Dutch woman on The CP in 2014 and in 2015 we met up and walked the Camino Ingles together and had a wonderful time. We will always be friends.
The CP in July will be bursting with people and you will connect with some of them, maybe you will have a Camino family. You will meet the same people every evening in the albergues, lots of people walk on their own but most of them would like some company after a long day of solitude walking.
When I go to a cafe or restaurant for dinner, I bring my diary along (actually it is one of the items I bring everywhere - even in the shower stall in a plastic bag) and if I find myself eating alone, I'll write or read in my diary. Or I will sit quietly and enjoy the moment and my food. If I walk into a restaurant and recognize somebody from the days walk or the albergue, I have walked up to their table and politely asked if I could join them and people always smile and say "please do" . Now this is a difficult thing for me to do but when I have done it, it has always been great and it is a good way to deal with my shyness.
All the best to you, I hope you will have a great Camino.
Buen Camino.

Thank you @Ekelund , that's good advice about taking a diary/journal to dinner. I'm definitely the type of person who takes comfort in distraction so will try this!

 

[Wildling]

Thank you all for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it

Just reading your comments, I already feel better about the whole thing. I think as I said in my original post 'I need to do this' - I think this element of conquering my anxieties and letting go of some of the issues I've had in the last couple of years will be the biggest thing the Camino could do for me. I need to push myself and get out of my comfort zone, and this experience will certainly do that I'm sure!

I'm going to book my transport etc soon so I'm committed to going, then I'm going to tell myself every day between then and now 'what's the worse that can happen?' - I don't like it and I go home, that doesn't sound too bad to me and at least I will have tried !

 

[Icacos]

......'what's the worse that can happen?' - I don't like it and I go home, that doesn't sound too bad to me and at least I will have tried !

You won't go home. You will persevere, and tomorrow will be better! Buen Camino

 

[Wildling]

You won't go home. You will persevere, and tomorrow will be better! Buen Camino

Thank you @Icacos

 

[hsabs]

You will have a wonderful camino and don't worry about being alone, as that will only be the case if you wish it. Many people travel alone but meet friends along the way.
Buen camino

 

[kelleymac]

I have a hard time being alone. I like people and get energy from people-- Sometimes I have gotten lonely traveling by myself. But not on the Camino! There are plenty of chances to be alone-- Just bring a book or a journal and people will give you space. Or you can sit on a bench in a park. I walked with my 13 yo son, and though I would have like to walk with other adults, people seemed to respect that it was mother-son journey for us. We did, of course, join people for dinner, and share our food with others when we could. --If you find you really need more space you can always rent a room on your own. I haven't walked in July, but I hear it's crowded. (We walked in early Spring). Buen Camino!

 

[aliwalks]

Hi all,

I'm fairly new here (thus is my second post so hope I'm doing it right! ).

I walked part of the Camino in 2013, but this was with my family and we stayed in hotels. Since then it has called me to go back and do the Camino Frances in its entirety on my own.

I've had a lot going on in my life in the last couple of years and I've made some pretty big decisions over the last few weeks which are going to be effective as of end of June (leaving my job, flat etc to name but a few). I've decided to walk the Camino in early July, because I feel now is the right time, a good walk always clears my head and the way I've been feeling in the last few months it's going to take a 500mile long walk to clear my head!!

My question really is about being anxious around the social side of things, I've had problems with social anxiety (amongst other m.health problems) over the years (which, believe me, I've worked incredibly hard to get past) but that familiar anxiety is now creeping in - maybe I'm just looking for reassurance here but is it really as easy and welcoming as everyone makes out? I worry about silly things like will I have to eat alone every night? What if I can't find somewhere to sleep? Will I make friends?

I'd be really interested to hear from other people who've had similar thoughts and any advice anyone can offer. I really want to do this (and think I need to)!!

Hi

Hi all,

I'm fairly new here (thus is my second post so hope I'm doing it right! ).

I walked part of the Camino in 2013, but this was with my family and we stayed in hotels. Since then it has called me to go back and do the Camino Frances in its entirety on my own.

I've had a lot going on in my life in the last couple of years and I've made some pretty big decisions over the last few weeks which are going to be effective as of end of June (leaving my job, flat etc to name but a few). I've decided to walk the Camino in early July, because I feel now is the right time, a good walk always clears my head and the way I've been feeling in the last few months it's going to take a 500mile long walk to clear my head!!

My question really is about being anxious around the social side of things, I've had problems with social anxiety (amongst other m.health problems) over the years (which, believe me, I've worked incredibly hard to get past) but that familiar anxiety is now creeping in - maybe I'm just looking for reassurance here but is it really as easy and welcoming as everyone makes out? I worry about silly things like will I have to eat alone every night? What if I can't find somewhere to sleep? Will I make friends?

I'd be really interested to hear from other people who've had similar thoughts and any advice anyone can offer. I really want to do this (and think I need to)!!

hello, I walked alone and enjoyed meeting people, but I also treasured having dinner alone to reflect on my day, I never felt isolated, (well one day I did) but you will find sometimes is good to be alone. Also I used hostels and I did book a day or so ahead, so that I knew where I was staying, plus chose the hostel over albergues, just my treat for myself, Buen Camino!

 

[jennie]

I heard something recently and thought it was beautiful;

The Camino is God's wish for how people should be when they are together.

When we did our camino, all of the pilgrims looked out for each other and were extremely kind, forgiving and accepting of all. If someone was sitting on the side of the road, or when we were on the side of the road, everyone always checked that everything is okay before passing them. Or, if someone looked to be out of water, we offered them one of our four water bottles (ok, we were extreme with hydration!! LOL) Everyone just looked out for one another, and shared everything, from band aids to corkscrews to advice to a shoulder to cry on or someone to laugh with and one of the many beauties of the Camino is that you can choose to be as social or as un-social as you want to be.

If you should come across someone who isn't so kind, please remember that they may be going through something really hard in their life, which may be why they may be doing the camino in the first place, so don't take it personally.

And remember, the Camino provides....in all kinds of ways!!

Buen Camino!!

perfect answer,i too felt that pilgrims were all keen help or share along the way,,so different from "real life" where it seems to be survival of the fittest,camino feels more like a team event where everyone trys and hopes to get each other to the end..

 

[Waka]

I walked most of my CF alone, I only reacted with other pilgrims at breaks during the day and the albergues. It was a wonderful sense of freedom, but knowing other pilgrims were always there gave me security.
Even walking alone I met some wonderful pilgrims during my 6 weeks, people that will remain with me forever.

You will have a wonderful journey and meet wonderful people, just remember the camino gives you what you need, not what you want.

Buen Camino

 

[JennyH94]

Hi Wildling -

Welcome to the Forum ... you will find so many community threads here and so much interesting discussion to participate in ... you're a part of our Forum family now, so welcome once again.

Wayfarer here on the Forum had a fantastic suggestion a couple of years back. Buy one of Ivar's Forum Member cloth badges which will identify you as a member of the Forum and sew that badge onto your pack. Underneath the badge have an embroidered patch with your Forum name on it. This idea is such a great conversation starter with other pilgrims - Forum members and non-Forum members alike. If I met you (and I hope to - more on that in the next paragraph) I'd love to hear the story behind your Forum name Wildling.

I note that you're starting out from St Jean in early July. I'll be volunteering as a hospitalero at Refugio Gaucelmo at Rabanal (just after Astorga and just before the Cruz de Ferro (btw - bring a small pebble from your home town to place at the Cruz - it's a Camino tradition for pilgrims to place pebbles there in memory of their loved ones and also to leave behind sadnesses and regrets) from 31 July to 16 August so you are likely to pass through when I'm there. Refugio Gaucelmo is known as "the English refugio" as it's owned by the Confraternity of St James in London, a well-known Camino support organisation started by six friends back in the 80's who had all walked the Camino separately and decided they wanted to give something back to the Camino so they started the CSJ. Gaucelmo is a haven on the Camino - the buildings are historic - one of the buildings goes back to the 12th century from memory. Pilgrims who stay at Gaucelmo, which is donativo, are served afternoon tea each day by the hospitaleros ... sometimes it's served in the huerta (the large open field-like garden) and if the weather is inclement in the salon. Pilgrims are also provided with breakfast and the facilities in general there are fabulous. A warm welcome is assured there - the CSJ volunteer hospitaleros go to great lengths to ensure that everyone is made to feel "at home". It would be wonderful to see you there and to hear of your experiences on the Camino.

Buen Camino Wildling! Take joy in every step.

Cheers - Jenny

 

[Pi Wakawaka]

Hi all,

I'm fairly new here (thus is my second post so hope I'm doing it right! ).

I walked part of the Camino in 2013, but this was with my family and we stayed in hotels. Since then it has called me to go back and do the Camino Frances in its entirety on my own.

I've had a lot going on in my life in the last couple of years and I've made some pretty big decisions over the last few weeks which are going to be effective as of end of June (leaving my job, flat etc to name but a few). I've decided to walk the Camino in early July, because I feel now is the right time, a good walk always clears my head and the way I've been feeling in the last few months it's going to take a 500mile long walk to clear my head!!

My question really is about being anxious around the social side of things, I've had problems with social anxiety (amongst other m.health problems) over the years (which, believe me, I've worked incredibly hard to get past) but that familiar anxiety is now creeping in - maybe I'm just looking for reassurance here but is it really as easy and welcoming as everyone makes out? I worry about silly things like will I have to eat alone every night? What if I can't find somewhere to sleep? Will I make friends?

I'd be really interested to hear from other people who've had similar thoughts and any advice anyone can offer. I really want to do this (and think I need to)!!

Hi.
I am in SJPDP at present and leaving in the morning. I have met amazing people from all over the world. Everyone is here for their own reasons yet share the same path. I believe the camino will cure many of us of many ghosts.
One does not need a ticket of approval from others to exist in this life. You already have that. Don't place yourself below others, you are free to be who you are at all times. I admire you for your honesty, it is refreshing. Courage is facing the fear and doing it anyway. I came half way around the world in the hope of learning to walk with my true self and not with my inner demons.
Buen camino
I cheer you on!

 

[rometimed]

Never met so many wonderful and interesting people in one place and in such a short time as on the Camino Frances last year.

I usually walk alone thinking (and I walk quite quickly) but at meals and lounging around would meet as many people as I could.

The only issue I had after about day 5 was moving into new packs because people form into cliques and some packs become very insular and I hate that.

Great place to be more open though.

 

[CaminoDebrita]

You will find that many people accept you just as you are. Honestly, it is far easier to travel alone than with a companion, unless that companion is a trusted best friend or spouse.

If traveling alone, you can choose to be social or not. There is always someone to talk with, and a simple hello will open doors.

On my last journey--from which I just returned--I met these interesting characters, who became friends:

1. a Quebecois gentleman who had taught drama, and who listened to French plays while walking. He had built an A-frame cabin in secluded woods, and fluctuated living there with taking care of aging parents.

2. a Chinese gentleman who was studying ecology in German.

3. A German fellow who was walking with the Chinese gentleman, and joked with him nonstop, teaching him phrases such as "thanks for nothin'!" which the Chinese fellow would spout off with at random times, much to all of our delight.

4. A young Greek fellow, who hurt himself badly while taking on too many kilometers at the outset, and who was so gracious, giving me his wooden beaded cross and following my journey on social media and checking in.

5. Also, I had the rare and wonderful fortune to meet Barbara, an Italian woman who was walking with Ruben, her small yellow lab. I ran into her on three occasions, the third the most fortuitous of all. She and Ruben were walking a side street of Santiago, and when I saw them, it had been two weeks, at least. I exclaimed, "Ruben!", and that little dog ran to me, body-bumping my side and excitedly wagging his tail. We were all very happy to see each other.

6. I also had the pleasure of meeting up with several forum members and enjoying time!

Anyway, if at any time you feel stressed or anxious around another person, smile, wish them a wonderful walk, and you can walk on.

 

[Chacharm]

While you wouldn't walk up to a random group of people in a restaurant at home and ask to join them - the Camino is different. Most days you will have seen the people in the bar or cafe as you walked. You probably said hello or buen camino. It won't be as difficult a proposition as you're imagining it to be.
Personally I like eating alone as much as I like eating with others. I always have something to read. Be comfortable with it and it won't matter so much whether you're solo or grouped up.
The only person I didn't want to walk with or have dinner with was a guy who would not stop hitting on me. It was really tiresome. Constant references to my looks and general attractiveness. Plus, he was super slow moving and would stop to rest every 20 minutes or so and would always engage me in conversation right before he came to a stop. I felt trapped by him and frantically avoided him whenever possible.
But almost everyone else I met was really interesting, happy to be there and fun to walk with or eat with or play cards with over a beer. And the most amazing variety of people from all over the world! The big, boisterous Venezuelan who sang with me and didn't care that I sound awful, the wine dealer from Perth, Marianna from Namibia who made me laugh like a loon, sweet Luca from Elba who was crazy in love with the quiet Irish girl, Vince from London who was walking with terrible arthritis in his knees and never made it into town until late - the much adored Brian from BC who helped absolutely everyone he came across in big and small ways. You just never know who you will meet or what their story will be. Look forward to it rather than sweating over it. A little anxiety over the unknown is impossible to avoid - but worry is definitely not called for - you're going to be fine!

 

[Wildling]

I have a hard time being alone. I like people and get energy from people-- Sometimes I have gotten lonely traveling by myself. But not on the Camino! There are plenty of chances to be alone-- Just bring a book or a journal and people will give you space. Or you can sit on a bench in a park. I walked with my 13 yo son, and though I would have like to walk with other adults, people seemed to respect that it was mother-son journey for us. We did, of course, join people for dinner, and share our food with others when we could. --If you find you really need more space you can always rent a room on your own. I haven't walked in July, but I hear it's crowded. (We walked in early Spring). Buen Camino!

@kelleymac how lovely for you to have walked with your young son, I'm sure the memories are very special for both of you!

 

[Wildling]

I walked most of my CF alone, I only reacted with other pilgrims at breaks during the day and the albergues. It was a wonderful sense of freedom, but knowing other pilgrims were always there gave me security.
Even walking alone I met some wonderful pilgrims during my 6 weeks, people that will remain with me forever.

You will have a wonderful journey and meet wonderful people, just remember the camino gives you what you need, not what you want.

Buen Camino

@Waka, thank you. I found what you said about the Camino giving you what you need not what you want a very interesting thought - maybe what I need is to build my confidence and become comfortable in such situations on my own, and the only way to achieve that is to experience the awkwardness (even if I don't want to!). I'm excited to see what it will offer me !

 

[Wildling]

Hi Wildling -

Welcome to the Forum ... you will find so many community threads here and so much interesting discussion to participate in ... you're a part of our Forum family now, so welcome once again.

Wayfarer here on the Forum had a fantastic suggestion a couple of years back. Buy one of Ivar's Forum Member cloth badges which will identify you as a member of the Forum and sew that badge onto your pack. Underneath the badge have an embroidered patch with your Forum name on it. This idea is such a great conversation starter with other pilgrims - Forum members and non-Forum members alike. If I met you (and I hope to - more on that in the next paragraph) I'd love to hear the story behind your Forum name Wildling.

I note that you're starting out from St Jean in early July. I'll be volunteering as a hospitalero at Refugio Gaucelmo at Rabanal (just after Astorga and just before the Cruz de Ferro (btw - bring a small pebble from your home town to place at the Cruz - it's a Camino tradition for pilgrims to place pebbles there in memory of their loved ones and also to leave behind sadnesses and regrets) from 31 July to 16 August so you are likely to pass through when I'm there. Refugio Gaucelmo is known as "the English refugio" as it's owned by the Confraternity of St James in London, a well-known Camino support organisation started by six friends back in the 80's who had all walked the Camino separately and decided they wanted to give something back to the Camino so they started the CSJ. Gaucelmo is a haven on the Camino - the buildings are historic - one of the buildings goes back to the 12th century from memory. Pilgrims who stay at Gaucelmo, which is donativo, are served afternoon tea each day by the hospitaleros ... sometimes it's served in the huerta (the large open field-like garden) and if the weather is inclement in the salon. Pilgrims are also provided with breakfast and the facilities in general there are fabulous. A warm welcome is assured there - the CSJ volunteer hospitaleros go to great lengths to ensure that everyone is made to feel "at home". It would be wonderful to see you there and to hear of your experiences on the Camino.

Buen Camino Wildling! Take joy in every step.

Cheers - Jenny

Wow @JennyH94 , the refugio sounds amazing! I'm going to make a note of it and will definitely take you up on the offer of a warm welcome - I hope you have a lovely time volunteering there!

 

[Wildling]

Hi.
I am in SJPDP at present and leaving in the morning. I have met amazing people from all over the world. Everyone is here for their own reasons yet share the same path. I believe the camino will cure many of us of many ghosts.
One does not need a ticket of approval from others to exist in this life. You already have that. Don't place yourself below others, you are free to be who you are at all times. I admire you for your honesty, it is refreshing. Courage is facing the fear and doing it anyway. I came half way around the world in the hope of learning to walk with my true self and not with my inner demons.
Buen camino
I cheer you on!

Thank you @Pi Wakawaka , 'you don't need a ticket of approval from others to exist in this life' is certainly something I can reflect on, both now and during the Camino. I would love to hear how you get on and hope you're having a wonderful time (I'm sure you are!). Buen Camino!!

 

[Wildling]

Thank you @CaminoDebrita, I loved reading about all of the interesting people you met along the way. I love to meet new people (I just prefer 1:1 rather than big groups!) and I'm really looking forward to all of the lovely people I might encounter!

 

[Wildling]

I also just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who took the time to reply to my post, it really means a lot to me and I already feel much more positive and less anxious - of course I'm still going to worry a little (I wouldn't be me if I didn't!) but I'm going to embrace the challenge and make the most of it without being too hard on myself. Besides, you all seem such a lovely bunch I'm sure many of the people I meet will be just as nice as you have so far!

Thanks again xx

 

[Pi Wakawaka]

I also just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who took the time to reply to my post, it really means a lot to me and I already feel much more positive and less anxious - of course I'm still going to worry a little (I wouldn't be me if I didn't!) but I'm going to embrace the challenge and make the most of it without being too hard on myself. Besides, you all seem such a lovely bunch I'm sure many of the people I meet will be just as nice as you have so far!

Thanks again xx

Hi again. I am on the camino right now and I can guarantee it will cure your social anxiety. Walking with the whole world and everyone is equal. We all share the same challenge. Everyone is so friendly and at times it is sooooo funny. I have been walking 5 days and had the time of my life so far!!
Just be yourself. That is the freedom you truely seek... and you will discover that being yourself is all that you need to be....

 

[CaminoDebrita]

I wouldn't think that anyone is looking for a "cure" for social anxiety. I think that admitting some fears is perfectly natural, and probably most have some anxiety before embarking on Camino.

Aside from that, a few things come to mind. One is that walking Camino Frances is--for probably a majority of us--very much a solo endeavor.

I enjoyed walking alone most of my two different journeys to Spain. It is not that I am adverse to walking with others; it's that I find that having to adjust pace is too hard on people. I am not willing to speed up for others, nor should they have to slow down for me---or speed up!

We don't all share the same challenges. Some of us are older. Heavier. Disabled. Less abled. Less fit. Less social. More social. Wealthier. Poorer. We all may end up on the same road, but what we bring to it is certainly quite different.

What I would like to say is that for the most part, people are kind and generous of spirit.

In fact, in many long miles, I have only encountered one unpleasant soul, and I just walked away! That's the beauty of the open road.

 

[Pi Wakawaka]

The same challenge is to arrive and to walk. Everything else is individual. The people on the camino are wonderful