solo journey, or how to tell spouse you need to do this alone?

[Joodle]

I need advice. I have been wanting to do this Camino for quite awhile. My husband has only shown a slight interest until now that I have begun to plan and collect my pack and equipment. We have been very happily married for 38 years next week. We married when we were 21 and I like to say we raised each other. How do I tell him I need to do this without him? I need to be scared, figure things out myself, make decisions based on what I want to do, not what "We" want to do. I don't feel I will do the emotional growing if he is there to protect me and do the hard stuff. I'm not a wimp, I am a strong women. This is a scary thing I'm planning and it would be much easier with him, but I will not grow. I am working on getting over the loss of my identical twin and I want to weep and wail if I need to without scaring people. Has anyone had to tell their beloved spouse or partner that they need to go it alone for this journey. Sorry to be so wordy.

 

[SYates]

Just tell him exactly what you just told us, I am sure he will understand. Buen Camino, SY

 

[angus55morrison]

I need advice. I have been wanting to do this Camino for quite awhile. My husband has only shown a slight interest until now that I have begun to plan and collect my pack and equipment. We have been very happily married for 38 years next week. We married when we were 21 and I like to say we raised each other. How do I tell him I need to do this without him? I need to be scared, figure things out myself, make decisions based on what I want to do, not what "We" want to do. I don't feel I will do the emotional growing if he is there to protect me and do the hard stuff. I'm not a wimp, I am a strong women. This is a scary thing I'm planning and it would be much easier with him, but I will not grow. I am working on getting over the loss of my identical twin and I want to weep and wail if I need to without scaring people. Has anyone had to tell their beloved spouse or partner that they need to go it alone for this journey. Sorry to be so wordy.

The call of the Camino is very strong,I was a 57 year old male married for 37 years when I walked the camino frances in 2012, used to having much done for me at home,it was a journey I had to make .Full of fear of the unknown ahead of me ,since completing my Camino,I'm now 60 married 40years .Have booked all flights for June 2016 looking forward so much to this second Camino Frances have a great one . Buen Camino

 

[Kiwi-family]

What SY said...plus if he's really keen now to walk could you suggest he does a different route and you meet in Santiago, then have a nice wee holiday together somewhere?

 

[KinkyOne]

What SY said...plus if he's really keen now to walk could you suggest he does a different route and you meet in Santiago, then have a nice wee holiday together somewhere?

Yep, like continuing to Muxia/Fisterra together and revive honeymoon there

 

[DurhamParish]

On my first camino I was 56 and had been married nearly 30 years. My wife didn't want to do the camino (I never really asked her), so I flew her into Santiago to meet me there.

I know that I would worry about my wife if she decided to walk the camino on her own; but I would just have to suck it up and accept it if I knew it meant all that much to her. I would imagine that if you present a forceful enough case to him on the importance of your wishes, he would surely understand. If he has any questions about the safety of the camino, you can have him come here and talk with us about it.

Also, my sincerest condolences on the loss of your sister. Losing a sibling is tough enough, but an identical twin has to be very difficult.

 

[CaminoDebrita]

I need advice. I have been wanting to do this Camino for quite awhile. My husband has only shown a slight interest until now that I have begun to plan and collect my pack and equipment. We have been very happily married for 38 years next week. We married when we were 21 and I like to say we raised each other. How do I tell him I need to do this without him? I need to be scared, figure things out myself, make decisions based on what I want to do, not what "We" want to do. I don't feel I will do the emotional growing if he is there to protect me and do the hard stuff. I'm not a wimp, I am a strong women. This is a scary thing I'm planning and it would be much easier with him, but I will not grow. I am working on getting over the loss of my identical twin and I want to weep and wail if I need to without scaring people. Has anyone had to tell their beloved spouse or partner that they need to go it alone for this journey. Sorry to be so wordy.

Anyone who had the strength and compassion involved in being married to an identical twin will understand your need to do this alone.

Alone, without him. Alone, without your twin. It all takes great courage.

If you are at a loss for what to tell him, As SY said, use the words you used to explain it to us. I would like to suggest that you just handwrite it out if you are worried....and then put together an itinerary in which he flies in to Santiago for that Finisterre walk--together!

Best wishes.

Deb

 

[Anemone del Camino]

I need advice. I have been wanting to do this Camino for quite awhile. My husband has only shown a slight interest until now that I have begun to plan and collect my pack and equipment. We have been very happily married for 38 years next week. We married when we were 21 and I like to say we raised each other. How do I tell him I need to do this without him? I need to be scared, figure things out myself, make decisions based on what I want to do, not what "We" want to do. I don't feel I will do the emotional growing if he is there to protect me and do the hard stuff. I'm not a wimp, I am a strong women. This is a scary thing I'm planning and it would be much easier with him, but I will not grow. I am working on getting over the loss of my identical twin and I want to weep and wail if I need to without scaring people. Has anyone had to tell their beloved spouse or partner that they need to go it alone for this journey. Sorry to be so wordy.

Send him this email. You have said it all, and it is all legitimate, and loving. On the Alto del Perdon, on Camino 1 (he can come on the others) I met a 74 year old woman from Australia. She had never spent a night away from her husband since their marriage over 50 years ago. She was sooooo proud of herself, of what she was accomplishing on her own, and so much more in love with her husband for who she was becoming.

Another option; tell him about what you are hoping to discover about yourself, and invite him to also walk, but not together, or not after 5 days or so. He may be concerned about you, but seeing you doing well may help him to trust himself to let you fly on your own.

Bravo for what you are looking to experience!

 

[zzotte]

Wow! 38 years congratulations on you marriage, now better then anyone you should know your better half, pick a good time maybe over a glass of wine be honest and up front and tell him also that you leave all his favor foods in the freezer so he does not have to worry about cooking it works every time at least that's what my wife does to me hahaha (I just make you know.... a puppy face)

Zzotte

 

[joeboybollo]

What SY said...plus if he's really keen now to walk could you suggest he does a different route and you meet in Santiago, then have a nice wee holiday together somewhere?

Great answer!

 

[Camino Ky]

Joodie it sounds like you two enjoy a long loving relationship so I think your husband would understand. I have just booked and I tell I find it scary now it is a reality. My partner did not want to come but did feel he should to make sure I was OK and I would love his company as we walk well together. However it is not his interest and being fairly independent I want to do on my own to be me. Also I now understand even more that you have to want to do this because you really want to. I have found people on the forum to be very encouraging.

 

[MTtoCamino]

Joodle

Very good advise from those previous. If you feel the pull go with it, the Camino has a way of everything working out.
Keith

 

[CathyJ]

Hi Joodle, I will send you a PM

 

[Mike Savage]

I agree with SYates and that is exactly how at the age of 59 I told my wife of 37 years that I wanted to do it alone. Stand your ground and explain in a calm voice. It took my wife a while to understand I was serious and even longer to warm up to the idea. Now that I have done my camino (September-October this year) I know it was absolutely the right decision (for me) to go on my own.

Good luck.

Mike

 

[CaminoQuilter]

My story is similar to yours. I turned 60 in August and my husband and I also celebrated our 39th anniversary this year after marrying at age 21. I knew that DH would not want the same things that I did if we walked the Camino together, and if he came I would put his happiness and comfort before mine. I am very comfortable traveling alone and he was understanding of my need to take the extra time I felt I needed to "do it my way." It took several months before I would commit to walking the Camino. He was very supportive through my whole decision process, the preparations and during my walk. The hardest part for him was picking up all the little tasks that I do, like paying the bills and grocery shopping. I left him homemade frozen meals in the bottom of the freezer that he wasn't expecting which helped him get through.

I took 45 days to walk the Camino Frances starting 9/13 in SJPdP. Even though I trained for months, I am basically a couch potato and a 33 day trip was not feasible. That being said, I'm not getting any younger either.

I did walk with three different persons at three different times. I was glad for the company at the time, but I was also glad when they walked on and I got my solitude back.

Be truthful with yourself and him with the positives and negatives. If he's at all like my DH (and it sounds like he is), he will come to understand.

 

[purplesage]

I need advice. I have been wanting to do this Camino for quite awhile. My husband has only shown a slight interest until now that I have begun to plan and collect my pack and equipment. We have been very happily married for 38 years next week. We married when we were 21 and I like to say we raised each other. How do I tell him I need to do this without him? I need to be scared, figure things out myself, make decisions based on what I want to do, not what "We" want to do. I don't feel I will do the emotional growing if he is there to protect me and do the hard stuff. I'm not a wimp, I am a strong women. This is a scary thing I'm planning and it would be much easier with him, but I will not grow. I am working on getting over the loss of my identical twin and I want to weep and wail if I need to without scaring people. Has anyone had to tell their beloved spouse or partner that they need to go it alone for this journey. Sorry to be so wordy.

Jodie... I think its time to spend a bit of time "with the little Jodie inside you". Go and find her and talk to her. Chill out... relax... pluck grass with your toes... not fingers this time. Rediscover the beautiful YOU and may the peace and love and fellowship of the Camino be yours. Buen Camino, Sister

 

[t2andreo]

Just do it! Do it for yourself, your husband, your family, and friends who are no doubt already admiring you for doing something they do not comprehend and cannot fathom. Everything written above is legitimate and correct.

You will meet MANY fellow pilgrims in the same situation. They wanted to do it and their partner, spouse, etc, was just not interested, or in many cases I encountered, physically or occupationally able to do it. Not everyone can devote five or more weeks to this effort.

I was married for 34 years when I did my first Camino. My being away for six weeks the first time, then for longer or shorter periods thereafter, including time for volunteering in the Pilgrim Office, provided my better half with her own time and space for self-realization.

This year, depending on finances and living situations (we are selling a home in one state and living in another), I hope to do a Camino, followed by a month of volunteering at Santiago. My wife supports this activity completely. She realizes that this is my hobby in retirement and my second career of sorts, albeit unpaid. At the same time, I am away for a couple of months and our relationship is better after each return.

So, I encourage you to use the information provided in the various posts above and your incoming, which sincerely expressed it all best, and likely most concisely, and just go for it!

I hope this helps.

 

[Martha Jansen]

I need advice. I have been wanting to do this Camino for quite awhile. My husband has only shown a slight interest until now that I have begun to plan and collect my pack and equipment. We have been very happily married for 38 years next week. We married when we were 21 and I like to say we raised each other. How do I tell him I need to do this without him? I need to be scared, figure things out myself, make decisions based on what I want to do, not what "We" want to do. I don't feel I will do the emotional growing if he is there to protect me and do the hard stuff. I'm not a wimp, I am a strong women. This is a scary thing I'm planning and it would be much easier with him, but I will not grow. I am working on getting over the loss of my identical twin and I want to weep and wail if I need to without scaring people. Has anyone had to tell their beloved spouse or partner that they need to go it alone for this journey. Sorry to be so wordy.

 

[Martha Jansen]

I recently completed a solo journey...well almost solo...he met me in Sarria to walk the last 100 km with me. I'm 77 years old and many people were concerned about my solo journey, but like you I needed to do it for me. One thing that helped him was our ability to text each other. Always in the morning and throughout the day. I'm a twin and when we were 70 we took a journey together for 3 months in europe.....nearly ended my marriage. No more 3 month trips but this one went fine. It seemed to help him to know where I was throughout the day. I also used Dropbox on my phone/camera....he saw all of my photos daily as they transferred through the Web to his computer at home. You've received wonderful advice from others. If nothing else have him read the entries and then talk. And walk your camino solo ..I took 56 days and it was a fabulous experience...buen camino

 

[jimabfalter]

I need advice. I have been wanting to do this Camino for quite awhile. My husband has only shown a slight interest until now that I have begun to plan and collect my pack and equipment. We have been very happily married for 38 years next week. We married when we were 21 and I like to say we raised each other. How do I tell him I need to do this without him? I need to be scared, figure things out myself, make decisions based on what I want to do, not what "We" want to do. I don't feel I will do the emotional growing if he is there to protect me and do the hard stuff. I'm not a wimp, I am a strong women. This is a scary thing I'm planning and it would be much easier with him, but I will not grow. I am working on getting over the loss of my identical twin and I want to weep and wail if I need to without scaring people. Has anyone had to tell their beloved spouse or partner that they need to go it alone for this journey. Sorry to be so wordy.

Depends on how your marriage is. My wife suggested we walk the camino together and it brought us much closer together. I had to learn to accept her judgment and limitations and she learned what it takes to accomplish a long walk together in sometimes adverse conditions. We are planning future trips and our lives are much improved. My wife says you should walk it together but separate yourselves by three or four days and meet up in Santiago. Just a suggestion.

 

[Catzilla62]

Joodle, I was in the same situation. I wanted to walk the camino and wanted to experience it by myself. I am an independent woman and am very bullheaded. I booked my reservations and told my husband about a week later. He really didn't understand why I wanted to do this on my own and I couldn't explain it to him either. I just had this "urge". As I gathered all my gear, it began to sink into him that I was going to do this without him. He wasn't happy. Two days before I left, we sat down and discussed the trip in detail. Somehow he understood my need for this solo trip, but still was very apprehensive...heck, so was I! My first 36 hours after landing in Paris and on my way to SJPP was not a smooth transition but not by own doing and I was having some serious reservations. First, my cell phone wouldn't work in Europe. I was devastated; how was I going to communicate with home? However, I met other pilgrims and my reservations disappeared. At almost every alberque I was able use the internet to email home. Almost halfway thru my journey, my husband asked if he could meet me in Sarria. I thought it over a couple days and responded with a definite yes! It was so good to see him get off of the train. We stayed in a couple alberques after that but mostly small hostels or hotels. I had become ill by this point and appreciated the comfort, but I wanted him to experience the alberque life. I am so glad that he came over to experience the last 100 km with me. I must add that he walked those last several days with an antiquated backpack from the 80's that we had and that it had to be an uncomfortable walk with it, but he never complained. Our marriage has never been better since our trip. We have been married now 33 years.

I must add that several days after meeting him, we were walking up a hill and he said from behind me, "Now I get it! I understand why you had to do this without me." My husband was a teacher, coach and athletic director for 37 years. I was always Mrs. Oberdick or Mrs. Coach or the AD's wife. He understood that I needed to be myself. That I needed to do something on my own, my own accomplishment without him. I am very proud that he figured that out and proud that I did accomplish such a feat on my own.

Take the plunge and maybe he could come over and walk with you the last 100 km. It is so worth the journey in doing it alone in the beginning. I wouldn't have changed that at all.

Keep the communication open with your husband. He may not agree with your plans in the beginning, but he will come around. He will hear how happy you are when you communicate with him from afar and will be relieved every time you call, text or email.

Buen Camino!!!

 

[Urban Trekker]

I need advice. I have been wanting to do this Camino for quite awhile. My husband has only shown a slight interest until now that I have begun to plan and collect my pack and equipment. We have been very happily married for 38 years next week. We married when we were 21 and I like to say we raised each other. How do I tell him I need to do this without him? I need to be scared, figure things out myself, make decisions based on what I want to do, not what "We" want to do. I don't feel I will do the emotional growing if he is there to protect me and do the hard stuff. I'm not a wimp, I am a strong women. This is a scary thing I'm planning and it would be much easier with him, but I will not grow. I am working on getting over the loss of my identical twin and I want to weep and wail if I need to without scaring people. Has anyone had to tell their beloved spouse or partner that they need to go it alone for this journey. Sorry to be so wordy.

My wife is a good sport, she keeps telling me I'm too old to walk the caminos so I keep walking the them. I'm sure your husband is a good sport too. Tell him just exactly what you have told us on this forum. Beside if you've been buying gear its a good bet he's already figured it out. Buen Camino

Happy Trails

 

[Peter Fransiscus]

I need advice. I have been wanting to do this Camino for quite awhile. My husband has only shown a slight interest until now that I have begun to plan and collect my pack and equipment. We have been very happily married for 38 years next week. We married when we were 21 and I like to say we raised each other. How do I tell him I need to do this without him? I need to be scared, figure things out myself, make decisions based on what I want to do, not what "We" want to do. I don't feel I will do the emotional growing if he is there to protect me and do the hard stuff. I'm not a wimp, I am a strong women. This is a scary thing I'm planning and it would be much easier with him, but I will not grow. I am working on getting over the loss of my identical twin and I want to weep and wail if I need to without scaring people. Has anyone had to tell their beloved spouse or partner that they need to go it alone for this journey. Sorry to be so wordy.

Hi, tell him what you told us.Probely everything will work out fine.
Wish you well and a Buen Camino, Peter.

 

[J F Gregory]

Joodle I am a clergyman and family therapist. My wife (43 years) travels a lot on her job so we are separated much of the time. So when were are together it is wonderful. Saying that it was my wife's idea to walk our Camino together. After 38 years you know your husband probably better than anyone. Trust your husband in talking about your needs for your personal life and your Camino.

Ultreya
Buen Camino
Fred

 

[shubertj]

Joodle,
I am kind of in the same boat as your describing but on the husband end. My wife and I have walked the Camino Frances from St Jean to Santiago in 2 trips and started the Camino Portuguese from Lisbon in 2014, but only got in 100 miles into it before my back went out and we had to fly back to the states for surgery. My wife and several of her girl friends decided to walk the Camino from Burgos to Sarria starting in late March. We have been married for 41 years.

After being jealous for a period of time and trying to understand why she didn't want my attendance on this trip, we compromised and decided to meet in Sarria and walk the Camino Ingles to Santiago together then onto Finisterre /Muxia . I know she needs to do this on her own (meaning with out me) but its hard to let go. I am still restless about not being involved on the early part but am fully supportive of her adventure, but still jealous.

 

[Joodle]

I agree with SYates and that is exactly how at the age of 59 I told my wife of 37 years that I wanted to do it alone. Stand your ground and explain in a calm voice. It took my wife a while to understand I was serious and even longer to warm up to the idea. Now that I have done my camino (September-October this year) I know it was absolutely the right decision (for me) to go on my own.

Good luck.

Mike

Would you choose to do a Sept/Oct trip again? Was it totally crowded? I like people, just not loud groups crowded together.

 

[CaminoDebrita]

Would you choose to do a Sept/Oct trip again? Was it totally crowded? I like people, just not loud groups crowded together.

I decided to intrude on your question, and know you won't mind! I began walking from SJPP on 1 October, and arrived at SdC on 10 November. It was wonderful. I will say that it was VERY solitary in the Meseta section, as it seems that many people bused through that area. I would sometimes see only one or two pilgrims on the walk, and then would run into more at the bars.

October 1 was a great day to start. Through my 5+ weeks, I only had about five days of rain, and I was able to tolerate it. I have heard that an early September start is still quite busy.

This coming year, I will begin walking some time in September, as a compromise to my husband, who prefers to travel a lot in October. I foresee a very early September start, and a return around 7 October, perhaps. Jury is still out. I will also admit that I greatly prefer to walk alone, and then have fun with others in the evening.

Early September people can now pick this up!

 

[DeadFred]

Print this ( above) and stick it on the refrigerator with a " I love you" sticky note attached.

I planned a solo trip in 2014 but my sweety nixed that saying she had to go and make sure I didn't kill myself from a heart attack . She came , as I knew she would be worried ..and That she was worried would stay in my mind .It was good Camino while it lasted , we enjoyed it .
2016 I am heading back alone . She understands now .

 

[SimLin]

I need advice. I have been wanting to do this Camino for quite awhile. My husband has only shown a slight interest until now that I have begun to plan and collect my pack and equipment. We have been very happily married for 38 years next week. We married when we were 21 and I like to say we raised each other. How do I tell him I need to do this without him? I need to be scared, figure things out myself, make decisions based on what I want to do, not what "We" want to do. I don't feel I will do the emotional growing if he is there to protect me and do the hard stuff. I'm not a wimp, I am a strong women. This is a scary thing I'm planning and it would be much easier with him, but I will not grow. I am working on getting over the loss of my identical twin and I want to weep and wail if I need to without scaring people. Has anyone had to tell their beloved spouse or partner that they need to go it alone for this journey. Sorry to be so wordy.

I agree with @SYates! I can feel your heart!

 

[shubertj]

Would you choose to do a Sept/Oct trip again? Was it totally crowded? I like people, just not loud groups crowded together.

All of our Caminos were done in September and out of over 55 days we only had 2 days of rain. The only advice to give is not to start on September 1, everyone chooses that day for some reason but just be off 5-6 days and it won't be so crowded.

 

[Joodle]

All of our Caminos were done in September and out of over 55 days we only had 2 days of rain. The only advice to give is not to start on September 1, everyone chooses that day for some reason but just be off 5-6 days and it won't be so crowded.

Thanks for your help. I'll take that under advisement.

 

[Joodle]

I decided to intrude on your question, and know you won't mind! I began walking from SJPP on 1 October, and arrived at SdC on 10 November. It was wonderful. I will say that it was VERY solitary in the Meseta section, as it seems that many people bused through that area. I would sometimes see only one or two pilgrims on the walk, and then would run into more at the bars.

October 1 was a great day to start. Through my 5+ weeks, I only had about five days of rain, and I was able to tolerate it. I have heard that an early September start is still quite busy.

This coming year, I will begin walking some time in September, as a compromise to my husband, who prefers to travel a lot in October. I foresee a very early September start, and a return around 7 October, perhaps. Jury is still out. I will also admit that I greatly prefer to walk alone, and then have fun with others in the evening.

Early September people can now pick this up!

Thanks Camino Debrita. I followed your posts and your return from your trip. It sounds like you had a great time. Are you taking your husband with you on this next trip in September? If you were, I could take mine and we could make them buddy up and leave us the heck alone. Ha Ha

 

[Mike Savage]

Would you choose to do a Sept/Oct trip again? Was it totally crowded? I like people, just not loud groups crowded together.

I would absolutely go at the same time again. I had many days of perfect weather with some hot days and some cold/rainy days thrown in. It was crowded at times and sometimes difficult to find a room if you walked later than 3pm. I never had a problem making new friends, finding someone to have dinner with, or finding quiet time or space to walk alone either. Sometimes you need to speed up a little to get ahead of the crowd OR take a break and let them get ahead of you. I met so many wonderful people and making new friends was a big part of my camino as well as finding time to pray. It was easy to do both.

Good luck with your decision, I'm sure it will work out for the best what ever you decide.

 

[Telelama]

Dear Joodle,
I am writing under my husbands' login, but I just wanted to add my two cents worth. I have walked with my husband for 700 miles during 2 stints, 1 from Roncesvalles to Santiago, and the other from Astorga to Santiago. Before we left for our first Camino, we joked that we would either come back closer than ever, or divorced. After two long walks across Northern Spain, when prepping my top 10 must haves to the Camino, #1 on the list is my husband. We have been together for 25 years, and I cannot imagine doing such an important journey without having him by my side. That is not to say that we walked the same Camino. We walked with other folks, with individual headphones, with communal headphones, and sometimes we didn't talk for miles. Most times we didn't even have to. Still, I had plenty of time to discover myself, rock out to personal play lists, deal with the near loss of a parent (and possible end to Camino 1) and never, ever felt that he impeded my pilgrimage. As I have a strong command of languages, I was often in charge of our arrangements and I always felt that I was a contributing factor to our successes.

That said, I met (and admired) numerous solo peregrinas along the way, both young or old, either single or had merely left the hubby behind, and they all were having the time of their life. While I completely understand your need to do this yourself, please do not short change yourself and husband for a fantastic opportunity to grow together. As others have stated, you can take different routes, walk at different paces, meet up along the way. You need to talk to him and see if he is truly being called to walk, or if he merely feels obliged to go to protect you. If it if the former, than you owe it to him to work this out in a manner that he can be included. If it is the latter, then you need to discover that as well, reassure him that you will be fine, and absolve yourself from all guilt.

Either way, it will work out exactly as it is meant to be. Once you realize you are not in the driver's seat, you will start to enjoy the ride.

I wish you the heartiest of Buen Caminos!

 

[woodswoman]

I need advice. I have been wanting to do this Camino for quite awhile. My husband has only shown a slight interest until now that I have begun to plan and collect my pack and equipment. We have been very happily married for 38 years next week. We married when we were 21 and I like to say we raised each other. How do I tell him I need to do this without him? I need to be scared, figure things out myself, make decisions based on what I want to do, not what "We" want to do. I don't feel I will do the emotional growing if he is there to protect me and do the hard stuff. I'm not a wimp, I am a strong women. This is a scary thing I'm planning and it would be much easier with him, but I will not grow. I am working on getting over the loss of my identical twin and I want to weep and wail if I need to without scaring people. Has anyone had to tell their beloved spouse or partner that they need to go it alone for this journey. Sorry to be so wordy.

I too have done this Camino alone twice, and I suggest you tell him exactly what you are telling us. It's not threatening, not mean, just something for your SELF that is really important . . . your own inside and outside journey. Good luck. IT IS WORTH IT!!

 

[woodswoman]

Dear Joodle,
I am writing under my husbands' login, but I just wanted to add my two cents worth. I have walked with my husband for 700 miles during 2 stints, 1 from Roncesvalles to Santiago, and the other from Astorga to Santiago. Before we left for our first Camino, we joked that we would either come back closer than ever, or divorced. After two long walks across Northern Spain, when prepping my top 10 must haves to the Camino, #1 on the list is my husband. We have been together for 25 years, and I cannot imagine doing such an important journey without having him by my side. That is not to say that we walked the same Camino. We walked with other folks, with individual headphones, with communal headphones, and sometimes we didn't talk for miles. Most times we didn't even have to. Still, I had plenty of time to discover myself, rock out to personal play lists, deal with the near loss of a parent (and possible end to Camino 1) and never, ever felt that he impeded my pilgrimage. As I have a strong command of languages, I was often in charge of our arrangements and I always felt that I was a contributing factor to our successes.

That said, I met (and admired) numerous solo peregrinas along the way, both young or old, either single or had merely left the hubby behind, and they all were having the time of their life. While I completely understand your need to do this yourself, please do not short change yourself and husband for a fantastic opportunity to grow together. As others have stated, you can take different routes, walk at different paces, meet up along the way. You need to talk to him and see if he is truly being called to walk, or if he merely feels obliged to go to protect you. If it if the former, than you owe it to him to work this out in a manner that he can be included. If it is the latter, then you need to discover that as well, reassure him that you will be fine, and absolve yourself from all guilt.


Either way, it will work out exactly as it is meant to be. Once you realize you are not in the driver's seat, you will start to enjoy the ride.

I wish you the heartiest of Buen Caminos!

Dear Joodle: Well, I beg to differ. Telelama, things don't always work out "exactly as it was meant to be" unless you take action. If you are not in the driver's seat, who is? I don't mean this to be harsh, but really, we have to take responsibility for our needs, especially for something as important as the Camino. And Joodle, if you feel as you have written to us in your initial query, you do NOT owe it to your husband to work this out so he can be included. You owe it to yourself to do this. Women have been told not to be "selfish" most of our lives. But Self-Care is hard to do under that "selfish" umbrella. Walking with a spouse, even if you take different routes, etc. is not at all the same as giving yourself the space to be alone and figure things out all by yourself for 5-6 weeks. I encourage you to listen to your heart and read your own words again, show your query to your husband and tell him you love him, but you love yourself as well, and you need to do this for YOU.

 

[Joodle]

Jodie... I think its time to spend a bit of time "with the little Jodie inside you". Go and find her and talk to her. Chill out... relax... pluck grass with your toes... not fingers this time. Rediscover the beautiful YOU and may the peace and love and fellowship of the Camino be yours. Buen Camino, Sister

I like that line "pluck grass with your toes" it made me laugh. I have long toes and I used to pick strawberries with my toes. Ahh good memories. I want to laugh and have fun and not feel guilty for being alive and happy when my twin is gone. That is my goal.

 

[Joodle]

Dear Joodle,
I am writing under my husbands' login, but I just wanted to add my two cents worth. I have walked with my husband for 700 miles during 2 stints, 1 from Roncesvalles to Santiago, and the other from Astorga to Santiago. Before we left for our first Camino, we joked that we would either come back closer than ever, or divorced. After two long walks across Northern Spain, when prepping my top 10 must haves to the Camino, #1 on the list is my husband. We have been together for 25 years, and I cannot imagine doing such an important journey without having him by my side. That is not to say that we walked the same Camino. We walked with other folks, with individual headphones, with communal headphones, and sometimes we didn't talk for miles. Most times we didn't even have to. Still, I had plenty of time to discover myself, rock out to personal play lists, deal with the near loss of a parent (and possible end to Camino 1) and never, ever felt that he impeded my pilgrimage. As I have a strong command of languages, I was often in charge of our arrangements and I always felt that I was a contributing factor to our successes.

That said, I met (and admired) numerous solo peregrinas along the way, both young or old, either single or had merely left the hubby behind, and they all were having the time of their life. While I completely understand your need to do this yourself, please do not short change yourself and husband for a fantastic opportunity to grow together. As others have stated, you can take different routes, walk at different paces, meet up along the way. You need to talk to him and see if he is truly being called to walk, or if he merely feels obliged to go to protect you. If it if the former, than you owe it to him to work this out in a manner that he can be included. If it is the latter, then you need to discover that as well, reassure him that you will be fine, and absolve yourself from all guilt.

Either way, it will work out exactly as it is meant to be. Once you realize you are not in the driver's seat, you will start to enjoy the ride.

I wish you the heartiest of Buen Caminos!

Thank you for the advice. My husband I are best friends. We laugh like idiots most of the time. He doesn't have the same "call to walk" that I have. He would go to make sure I was safe, but his heart wouldn't be in it. If he had a true desire to do this, I would take him in a heartbeat! I pointed out that he could play guitar for hours and work on his hot rod while I was gone. He really liked that Idea.

 

[DurhamParish]

He doesn't have the same "call to walk" that I have. He would go to make sure I was safe, but his heart wouldn't be in it. If he had a true desire to do this, I would take him in a heartbeat!

The most miserable person that I met on my Caminos was a man who had gone just to accompany his wife to make sure she was safe.

 

[Joodle]

Dear Joodle: Well, I beg to differ. Telelama, things don't always work out "exactly as it was meant to be" unless you take action. If you are not in the driver's seat, who is? I don't mean this to be harsh, but really, we have to take responsibility for our needs, especially for something as important as the Camino. And Joodle, if you feel as you have written to us in your initial query, you do NOT owe it to your husband to work this out so he can be included. You owe it to yourself to do this. Women have been told not to be "selfish" most of our lives. But Self-Care is hard to do under that "selfish" umbrella. Walking with a spouse, even if you take different routes, etc. is not at all the same as giving yourself the space to be alone and figure things out all by yourself for 5-6 weeks. I encourage you to listen to your heart and read your own words again, show your query to your husband and tell him you love him, but you love yourself as well, and you need to do this for YOU.

I did talk to him last night and he understands completely. He is relieved that he doesn't have to go! He was so worried about sleeping in those bunk beds, because he is 6'8" tall and he would have some rough nights. Thanks everyone for all your help. I agree that sometimes you just have to push forward yourself and make things happen, trusting in God to confirm that you're doing a good thing.

 

[jumpingin2014]

I knew how this discussion was going to end!

Enjoy your journey Joodle!

Buen Camino

Mark

 

[SYates]

I did talk to him last night and he understands completely. He is relieved that he doesn't have to go! He was so worried about sleeping in those bunk beds, because he is 6'8" tall and he would have some rough nights. ...

Wonderful news, very happy for you! Buen Camino, SY

 

[Mike Savage]

That is great news Joodle!

 

[VNwalking]

Buen solo Camino, Joodle!!
(And BTW, March-April are good too...company but not too much. A mix of weather..)

 

[Teresa Santamaria]

What SY said...plus if he's really keen now to walk could you suggest he does a different route and you meet in Santiago, then have a nice wee holiday together somewhere?

Great idea!

 

[scruffy1]

You are in the right direction, lay it out for him and surely he will understand. One of the advantages of being a male pilgrim is that the Better Half is more than happy to get ME out from underfoot! No more beer cans under the sofa. No more dirty socks thrown into the corner. No need to remind chores. True there is no one around to take out the garbage but that's a small price to pay! Actually she is super supportive and is even happier when I, the only cook in this house, prepare a couple of soups, a pot of spaghetti sauce, and maybe a roast chicken all divided into individual portions and in the freezer before I go. Logistics is everything and "An army travels on its stomach" said Napoleon, perhaps, but it is true for pilgrims and true for those left behind!

 

[Tom Leonard]

I need advice. I have been wanting to do this Camino for quite awhile. My husband has only shown a slight interest until now that I have begun to plan and collect my pack and equipment. We have been very happily married for 38 years next week. We married when we were 21 and I like to say we raised each other. How do I tell him I need to do this without him? I need to be scared, figure things out myself, make decisions based on what I want to do, not what "We" want to do. I don't feel I will do the emotional growing if he is there to protect me and do the hard stuff. I'm not a wimp, I am a strong women. This is a scary thing I'm planning and it would be much easier with him, but I will not grow. I am working on getting over the loss of my identical twin and I want to weep and wail if I need to without scaring people. Has anyone had to tell their beloved spouse or partner that they need to go it alone for this journey. Sorry to be so wordy.

 

[Tom Leonard]

Just do it . My 45 yr marriage had all the good points in it that held mutual respect for each others needs . I needed to challenge myself at 67 yrs both physically and mentally . With a smart phone for daily updates (texting) and meeting her in Madrid for one week holiday , this went great . After you return the memories and sense of accomplishment will always remain and that's not selfish only personal .

 

[Richard A Stead]

I need advice. I have been wanting to do this Camino for quite awhile. My husband has only shown a slight interest until now that I have begun to plan and collect my pack and equipment. We have been very happily married for 38 years next week. We married when we were 21 and I like to say we raised each other. How do I tell him I need to do this without him? I need to be scared, figure things out myself, make decisions based on what I want to do, not what "We" want to do. I don't feel I will do the emotional growing if he is there to protect me and do the hard stuff. I'm not a wimp, I am a strong women. This is a scary thing I'm planning and it would be much easier with him, but I will not grow. I am working on getting over the loss of my identical twin and I want to weep and wail if I need to without scaring people. Has anyone had to tell their beloved spouse or partner that they need to go it alone for this journey. Sorry to be so wordy.

Just sit down and be honest. Everyone needs one

I need advice. I have been wanting to do this Camino for quite awhile. My husband has only shown a slight interest until now that I have begun to plan and collect my pack and equipment. We have been very happily married for 38 years next week. We married when we were 21 and I like to say we raised each other. How do I tell him I need to do this without him? I need to be scared, figure things out myself, make decisions based on what I want to do, not what "We" want to do. I don't feel I will do the emotional growing if he is there to protect me and do the hard stuff. I'm not a wimp, I am a strong women. This is a scary thing I'm planning and it would be much easier with him, but I will not grow. I am working on getting over the loss of my identical twin and I want to weep and wail if I need to without scaring people. Has anyone had to tell their beloved spouse or partner that they need to go it alone for this journey. Sorry to be so wordy.

 

[Richard A Stead]

Hi. Just sit down and be honest. Everybody needs at least one adventure on their own in life. I've been lucky and had several and after 35 years together we married last December. Trust me it will make you a better and stronger person but if he doesn't want you to do it perhaps that's what he's worried about.

 

[Jeff Zimmerman]

I need advice. I have been wanting to do this Camino for quite awhile. My husband has only shown a slight interest until now that I have begun to plan and collect my pack and equipment. We have been very happily married for 38 years next week. We married when we were 21 and I like to say we raised each other. How do I tell him I need to do this without him? I need to be scared, figure things out myself, make decisions based on what I want to do, not what "We" want to do. I don't feel I will do the emotional growing if he is there to protect me and do the hard stuff. I'm not a wimp, I am a strong women. This is a scary thing I'm planning and it would be much easier with him, but I will not grow. I am working on getting over the loss of my identical twin and I want to weep and wail if I need to without scaring people. Has anyone had to tell their beloved spouse or partner that they need to go it alone for this journey. Sorry to be so wordy.

 

[Jeff Zimmerman]

I'm a 68 year old male and married 46 years. I'll be doing a solo Camino next April. It was my wife who said I should do it alone ( she knows me after 46 years). She didn't want to slow me down and have me worrying about her comfort. She does plan to fly over and walk the last few km's into Santiago with me. Then we plan to spend another week in Santiago and Madrid as tourists.

 

[michael flanagan]

I need advice. I have been wanting to do this Camino for quite awhile. My husband has only shown a slight interest until now that I have begun to plan and collect my pack and equipment. We have been very happily married for 38 years next week. We married when we were 21 and I like to say we raised each other. How do I tell him I need to do this without him? I need to be scared, figure things out myself, make decisions based on what I want to do, not what "We" want to do. I don't feel I will do the emotional growing if he is there to protect me and do the hard stuff. I'm not a wimp, I am a strong women. This is a scary thing I'm planning and it would be much easier with him, but I will not grow. I am working on getting over the loss of my identical twin and I want to weep and wail if I need to without scaring people. Has anyone had to tell their beloved spouse or partner that they need to go it alone for this journey. Sorry to be so wordy.

The camino is not always the answer , I met people on it who thought the camino would answer all their problems but I dont think it did. Maybe the grief you are feeling needs to be addressed and maybe there are other things that are manifesting themselves as you are planning. Maybe he is fearful , sorry for being direct but the Camino should be a joyful thing and not cause problems before you start it. I hope you enjoy your journey god bless

 

[SYates]

For all of you still answering this thread please note what the OP has posted later

I did talk to him last night and he understands completely. He is relieved that he doesn't have to go! He was so worried about sleeping in those bunk beds, because he is 6'8" tall and he would have some rough nights. Thanks everyone for all your help. I agree that sometimes you just have to push forward yourself and make things happen, trusting in God to confirm that you're doing a good thing.

Buen Camino, SY

 

[CaminoDebrita]

Okay--NOW you have a green light. How will you prepare now, for your gear? I can't wait to follow your preparations!

Just a side note: I took some small jewelry gifts, things I had found at a local thrift store that gets really quality stuff. I chose woman along the way who were especially helpful (Spanish women), and gave them my gifts. The gifts were VERY well received, and it was so nice to GIVE something tangible---as well as the intangibles of courtesy, smiles, and grace. I think you have those gifts all figured out!

 

[Pray'nwalk]

Congratulations, Joodle! I have a similar, but slightly different story. I'm a 66 year old woman (well, 67 in a few days), and when I decided to walk the Camino (which I did a few months ago), my husband and I both knew he could not do it with me. He assumed I would want company, and started inviting anyone and everyone to go with me. In fact, I did, too. But very quickly I realized I needed to make the journey alone. He had a very hard time understanding why. Because of his health issues, I could see that my life, and our life together, would soon be undergoing some very dramatic changes, hard changes that would require more physical and moral strength than my couch-potato life thus far had provided. I saw the Camino as a way to come to terms with the future, however it would play itself out, and to prepare for it. I needed to walk alone, as much for HIM as for me. While I was planning my camino, Denise Thiem disappeared. I followed her case on this forum. That was another reason to walk alone. To take back that which had been stolen with her abduction. While I was walking, the police made the arrest in her case, and the day I walked into Santiago de Compostela, the memorial Mass was held for her at the Cathedral, and I was present. I might never have the opportunity to walk a Camino again, but I am so glad I did it, and did it alone. I met my husband in San Sebastian after I finished, and we returned to Santiago de Compostela together, so he could share something of the experience with me. Everyone said it would transform my life. It did, even before I arrived in Spain.

Ultreia!

 

[Angie94]

Just a side note: I took some small jewelry gifts, things I had found at a local thrift store that gets really quality stuff. I chose woman along the way who were especially helpful (Spanish women), and gave them my gifts. The gifts were VERY well received, and it was so nice to GIVE something tangible---as well as the intangibles of courtesy, smiles, and grace. I think you have those gifts all figured out!

That is SO awesome! I have already been planning on doing the same thing!! I have been gathering up some very cool (and seriously on sale) items to take along for the exact same purpose! love it.....

 

[Penny Kingma]

The call of the Camino is very strong,I was a 57 year old male married for 37 years when I walked the camino frances in 2012, used to having much done for me at home,it was a journey I had to make .Full of fear of the unknown ahead of me ,since completing my Camino,I'm now 60 married 40years .Have booked all flights for June 2016 looking forward so much to this second Camino Frances have a great one . Buen Camino

I too have been feeling the pull to do the Camino. My husband wants to as well. Unfortunately his work prevents him from taking the the amount of time needed. He says we'll have to wait until he retires. We are 51 that's a long time to wait. I'm afraid if we wait it will never happen. In June of this year I was diagnosed with M.S. a week later skin cancer. The skin cancer wasn't a worry until ....it has been removed 3 times and returned. I've now just completed my first of two cemo. treatments. All since June 2015. I don't want to wait, but worry of being a woman travelling alone.
What to do?

 

[Joodle]

I too have been feeling the pull to do the Camino. My husband wants to as well. Unfortunately his work prevents him from taking the the amount of time needed. He says we'll have to wait until he retires. We are 51 that's a long time to wait. I'm afraid if we wait it will never happen. In June of this year I was diagnosed with M.S. a week later skin cancer. The skin cancer wasn't a worry until ....it has been removed 3 times and returned. I've now just completed my first of two cemo. treatments. All since June 2015. I don't want to wait, but worry of being a woman travelling alone.
What to do?

I understand that many women travel alone. I am planning on going with my daughter, but having just finished Grad school as an Occupational Therapist, she needs to get a job. There is just no way they will let her off for 5 weeks. I am planning on September if there is anyway she can go, if she knows she can't go, I would like to go mid April. I will be celebrating (not sure about that) my 60th birthday April 21st. It will be hard, as my twin passed away and My Dad also. We were born on his birthday. It was always the three of us celebrating our Birthdays together. I can't think of a better way to celebrate and honor them than to be on my Camino. You would be welcome to join me as my husband will not be coming with me. I need to do this by myself. It was hard to tell him, but he does understand, and is planning what he will be do while i'm gone. Im scared too, but it's good to be scared. It helps us stretch ourselves.

 

[Penny Kingma]

Joodle,
Life gives us so many battles, I think the Camino would be a beautiful way to honour your loved ones. I will definately keep your invite in mind. A little worried about April as its sooner. I will have to see how these treatm nuts go and

 

[Penny Kingma]

Joodle,
Life gives us so many battles, I think the Camino would be a beautiful way to honour your loved ones. I will definately keep your invite in mind. A little worried about April as its sooner. I will have to see how these treatm nuts go and

"Treatments

 

[DurhamParish]

"I did talk to him last night and he understands completely. He is relieved that he doesn't have to go! He was so worried about sleeping in those bunk beds, because he is 6'8" tall and he would have some rough nights. Thanks everyone for all your help. I agree that sometimes you just have to push forward yourself and make things happen, trusting in God to confirm that you're doing a good thing."





Buen Camino, Joodle!!!!!!

 

[Peter Fransiscus]

I did talk to him last night and he understands completely. He is relieved that he doesn't have to go! He was so worried about sleeping in those bunk beds, because he is 6'8" tall and he would have some rough nights. Thanks everyone for all your help. I agree that sometimes you just have to push forward yourself and make things happen, trusting in God to confirm that you're doing a good thing.

Great news, wish you well and a Buen Camino, Peter.

 

[VNwalking]

Joodle, there's affirmation here aplenty...
I'm not in the same boat, but wish you a very buen camino...!

I too have been feeling the pull to do the Camino. My husband wants to as well. Unfortunately his work prevents him from taking the the amount of time needed. He says we'll have to wait until he retires. We are 51 that's a long time to wait. I'm afraid if we wait it will never happen. In June of this year I was diagnosed with M.S. a week later skin cancer. The skin cancer wasn't a worry until ....it has been removed 3 times and returned. I've now just completed my first of two cemo. treatments. All since June 2015. I don't want to wait, but worry of being a woman travelling alone.
What to do?

Go, Penny, as soon as you can physically manage it. Life is very short.
There are many here who have walked post cancer treatment, and we can tell you it is totally do-able.
As for being alone...you will be fine--on the Camino Frances, at least, it is possible to have the company of fellow pilgrims.

 

[CathyJ]

I too have been feeling the pull to do the Camino. My husband wants to as well. Unfortunately his work prevents him from taking the the amount of time needed. He says we'll have to wait until he retires. We are 51 that's a long time to wait. I'm afraid if we wait it will never happen. In June of this year I was diagnosed with M.S. a week later skin cancer. The skin cancer wasn't a worry until ....it has been removed 3 times and returned. I've now just completed my first of two cemo. treatments. All since June 2015. I don't want to wait, but worry of being a woman travelling alone.
What to do?

Penny, I have wanted to walk for eight years and although I always felt I'd like to do it alone my husband decided he wanted to do it also. After eight years of waiting for it to fit in with his work/career he is now in an early retirement due to the onset of Parkinson's. He has also just undergone a total knee replacement. Knowing that things are not going to change/improve I finally made the decision to go alone. My husband was not really happy to begin with but we discussed an alternative holiday/adventure that he could do while I walk and as I have gone about my planning/training he has accepted that this is something I want to do and I AM going (ticket booked, start walking April 14).
I have had moments of feeling nervous about walking alone but feel that with common sense, good planning and preparation all will be well. Many have done this before us. Even if you don't want to actually walk with anyone you could still walk within range of others so that someone can watch out for you.

I would encourage you to trust your instincts, if you feel you need to do this, do it, and do it now. Life is a funny thing with no guarantees about anything. None of us knows what tomorrow will offer and I for one don't want to end up saying .... 'I wish I had....'

 

[CaminoDebrita]

I recently completed a solo journey...well almost solo...he met me in Sarria to walk the last 100 km with me. I'm 77 years old and many people were concerned about my solo journey, but like you I needed to do it for me. One thing that helped him was our ability to text each other. Always in the morning and throughout the day. I'm a twin and when we were 70 we took a journey together for 3 months in europe.....nearly ended my marriage. No more 3 month trips but this one went fine. It seemed to help him to know where I was throughout the day. I also used Dropbox on my phone/camera....he saw all of my photos daily as they transferred through the Web to his computer at home. You've received wonderful advice from others. If nothing else have him read the entries and then talk. And walk your camino solo ..I took 56 days and it was a fabulous experience...buen camino

I just wanted to tell you that you look absolutely beautiful. Your pretty face is testament to a life well lived. I got a little chuckle out of you spending three months in Europe and getting in trouble with the husband.

Honestly, I was gone for seven weeks doing my walk across Spain, and seven weeks away from the husband was a little bit long for me. 3 to 4 weeks would work better.