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State of mind

Lee Lauder

Remotelee
Camino(s) past & future
Camino Frances Apr-may 2017 Portugues (2018) Norte (2018)
I am heading out for my next Camino soon , leaving home April 2, and am finding my self in a strange state of mind. I have been planning since early last year to walk the Via Podensis and maybe continue on the Frances but i lost my mother in early January and since then haven’t felt like doing my usual planning and plotting of distances and feel almost disengaged/disenchanted. I feel like i should still go ( plane tickets were booked prior to her passing) but just dont know if my state of mind will make it too hard.
Has anyone else encountered this? Where mental state affects physical ability.
 

FLEUR

Veteran Member
Camino(s) past & future
Camino Frances 2012 - 2016
You may find the walk very therapeutic. Walking a Camino provides plenty of time to reflect on life. In addition you're bound to meet others who bring their own memories and with whom you can share the experience.
 

Tincatinker

Moderator
Staff member
Camino(s) past & future
Lots ;0)
My first camino was long dreamt of and long planned. And when opportunity finally came it was in the year that two good friends passed, one in expectance one with surprise. On the Eurostar platform my plans blew away. Panic, self-doubt and the weight of those losses buckled my knees. Somewhere in the Spring mud of Navarra, off track, unfocussed and lost I realised that I was walking for a purpose and with reason. Just not any purpose or reason that I had presupposed. And so I carried my two friends to the Cruz de Ferro and there I laid them down.

You have burdens to carry and Santiago is a good place to take them. @Lee Lauder my condolences for your loss; I wish your Mother buen camino. I wish you buen camino.
 

uscaminodude

New Member
Camino(s) past & future
partial Frances spring 2015
more of Frances spring 2017
2019 Frances SJPdP to SDC April 1 - May 4
4 years ago, my brother passed away about a month before my previously scheduled camino. . I went forward as planned. It was very healing for me and I never regretted the decision. Buen Camino. Maybe I will see you on the Frances my wife and start in SJPDP around April 1.
 

Kitsambler

Jakobsweg Junkie
Camino(s) past & future
Le Puy 2010-11, Prague 2012, Nuremberg 2013, Einsiedeln 2015, Geneva 2017-18
I'm sorry for your loss.

My mother passed three months before my previously arranged start from Le Puy, my first year walking. Walking was the healthiest thing for me - very useful for processing some of the associated emotions. Go, and take a journal. You'll return changed.
 

David

Veteran Member
Camino(s) past & future
Moissac to Santiago Spring 2005 was the first foray.
Lee - that is an honest and open post.
Loss is so very hard, especially if it is the first one that you have experienced. We all feel for you, but, like you, we all live on - and that is what you must do too - imagine what she would say if you didn't!!

You have entered an interesting and rare space, an interlude - you say that you feel "almost disengaged/disenchanted" but Lee! That is a marvellous internal space to inhabit for Camino.
I can see that you are a Camino veteran, have done at least three Caminos - and from your "haven’t felt like doing my usual planning and plotting of distances" it is fairly certain that you are a serious planner, and if you are a planner then your habit has been to inhabit this solid 3D world more than the other that co-exists with us, that other deeper greater realm that is just as real ....

But Lee - because of the cessation of that planning and mileage mind that you feel this could be the most important and life-changing Camino you ever undertake - (I am not saying that it will be!)
- but, this one will certainly be different; if you are disengaged, disenchanted, maybe, just maybe, you will flow along without all your planning and recording of distances and in coming to terms with your loss, with your memories, with hopefully realisations of how this universe, this life, and your part in it actually really works - you just may have the most extraordinary Camino -
All I would say is to leave your mind as it is, to be not afraid .. do not over-plan this one .. just flow, stop when it is right, move when it is right, switch all your electronics off, stop writing distances into your journal and booking ahead .. be silent, speak to others, surrender to tears, drink until laughter, feel guilty the next day - but, Lee, Live.

Lee, this may be no help at the moment, maybe it will be in the future ... but .. nothing dies ... life withdraws and the vacated body dies, which is not the same. It is more like we are life itself experiencing this human life in some sort of body suit, a spacesuit if you will ... nothing dies, no one dies, they only withdraw. I have written this before and repeat it again for you - think of it as your Mum falling up out of her broken body and into the arms of angels.
Whether you are 'religious' or not is unimportant but .. maybe, on your Camino, visit every church that you can and light a candle for your mother .. pray for her, offer her to that benevolent love, and offer thanks for her in what she did for you and thanks that you, because of her, are what you are and where you are.

In essence, Lee, take this opportunity, in this slightly dissociated grief state to delve into Camino, to surrender to each and every moment, and to give thanks - because, All is Well Lee, all is well. And if you do find it too difficult, if the sorrow is too much .. the answer is utterly simple .. help others, focus to help others; look at every pilgrim you meet, the lonely, the hurt, and help them - kind word, shared meal, bathing feet, first aid, a gentle shoulder ... if you help others your sorrow will heal, it is how it is, one of the great secrets of the world.

Buen Camino Lee - and will you come back on here after your Camino and let all of us know how it went?

I hope so.
 
Last edited:

Lee Lauder

Remotelee
Camino(s) past & future
Camino Frances Apr-may 2017 Portugues (2018) Norte (2018)
Hello all, thank you so much for responding and sharing your stories and encouragement. This forum is like a camino sometimes in that you receive encouragement and strength from the other traveling the way at a point in your journey when help is needed.
 
Camino(s) past & future
Camino Frances 2019
My first camino was long dreamt of and long planned. And when opportunity finally came it was in the year that two good friends passed, one in expectance one with surprise. On the Eurostar platform my plans blew away. Panic, self-doubt and the weight of those losses buckled my knees. Somewhere in the Spring mud of Navarra, off track, unfocussed and lost I realised that I was walking for a purpose and with reason. Just not any purpose or reason that I had presupposed. And so I carried my two friends to the Cruz de Ferro and there I laid them down.

You have burdens to carry and Santiago is a good place to take them. @Lee Lauder my condolences for your loss; I wish your Mother buen camino. I wish you buen camino.
Such kind, thoughtful words, and blessings for Lee as she begins to heal.
 
Camino(s) past & future
Camino Frances 2019
Lee - that is an honest and open post.
Loss is so very hard, especially if it is the first one that you have experienced. We all feel for you, but, like you, we all live on - and that is what you must do too - imagine what she would say if you didn't!!

You have entered an interesting and rare space, an interlude - you say that you feel "almost disengaged/disenchanted" but Lee! That is a marvellous internal space to inhabit for Camino.
I can see that you are a Camino veteran, have done at least three Caminos - and from your "haven’t felt like doing my usual planning and plotting of distances" it is fairly certain that you are a serious planner, and if you are a planner then your habit has been to inhabit this solid 3D world more than the other that co-exists with us, that other deeper greater realm that is just as real ....

But Lee - because of the cessation of that planning and mileage mind that you feel this could be the most important and life-changing Camino you ever undertake - (I am not saying that it will be!)
- but, this one will certainly be different; if you are disengaged, disenchanted, maybe, just maybe, you will flow along without all your planning and recording of distances and in coming to terms with your loss, with your memories, with hopefully realisations of how this universe, this life, and your part in it actually really works - you just may have the most extraordinary Camino -
All I would say is to leave your mind as it is, to be not afraid .. do not over-plan this one .. just flow, stop when it is right, move when it is right, switch all your electronics off, stop writing distances into your journal and booking ahead .. be silent, speak to others, surrender to tears, drink until laughter, feel guilty the next day - but, Lee, Live.

Lee, this may be no help at the moment, maybe it will be in the future ... but .. nothing dies ... life withdraws and the vacated body dies, which is not the same. It is more like we are life itself experiencing this human life in some sort of body suit, a spacesuit if you will ... nothing dies, no one dies, they only withdraw. I have written this before and repeat it again for you - think of it as your Mum falling up out of her broken body and into the arms of angels.
Whether you are 'religious' or not is unimportant but .. maybe, on your Camino, visit every church that you can and light a candle for your mother .. pray for her, offer her to that benevolent love, and offer thanks for her in what she did for you and thanks that you, because of her, are what you are and where you are.

In essence, Lee, take this opportunity, in this slightly dissociated grief state to delve into Camino, to surrender to each and every moment, and to give thanks - because, All is Well Lee, all is well. And if you do find it too difficult, if the sorrow is too much .. the answer is utterly simple .. help others, focus to help others; look at every pilgrim you meet, the lonely, the hurt, and help them - kind word, shared meal, bathing feet, first aid, a gentle shoulder ... if you help others your sorrow will heal, it is how it is, one of the great secrets of the world.

Buen Camino Lee - and will you come back on here after your Camino and let all of us know how it went?

I hope so.
Beautifully written thoughts on life and compassion.
 
Camino(s) past & future
(2009): Camino Frances
(2011): Sevilla-Salamanca, VdlP
(2012): Salamanca-SdC, VdlP
(2014): SJpdP-Astorga
(2015): Astorga-SdC
(2016) May Pamplona-Moratinos; Sept.:Burgos-SdC
(2016): August/Sept: Camino San Olav (Burgos-Covarubbias), Burgos-Sarria
(2017): May: Portuguese; Sept: Pamplona-SdC

Pam Scott

Active Member
Camino(s) past & future
Camino de Santiago compostella 2015
I am heading out for my next Camino soon , leaving home April 2, and am finding my self in a strange state of mind. I have been planning since early last year to walk the Via Podensis and maybe continue on the Frances but i lost my mother in early January and since then haven’t felt like doing my usual planning and plotting of distances and feel almost disengaged/disenchanted. I feel like i should still go ( plane tickets were booked prior to her passing) but just dont know if my state of mind will make it too hard.
Has anyone else encountered this? Where mental state affects physical ability.
[/QUOT
I am heading out for my next Camino soon , leaving home April 2, and am finding my self in a strange state of mind. I have been planning since early last year to walk the Via Podensis and maybe continue on the Frances but i lost my mother in early January and since then haven’t felt like doing my usual planning and plotting of distances and feel almost disengaged/disenchanted. I feel like i should still go ( plane tickets were booked prior to her passing) but just dont know if my state of mind will make it too hard.
Has anyone else encountered this? Where mental state affects physical ability.
My condolences Lee, a difficult time for you. I planned to walk the Norte last June and started planning for it the previous year, all very keyed up and ready to go. In the January I suffered a form of Amnesia and naturally afterwards I was very concerned it might happen again, even though I was assured the chances of it happening was very remote. Like you I lost all enthusiasm and like you I was not sure if I was up to it. When I first set out I felt very vulnerable but within a day I met some wonderful Pilgrims who took great care of me and I didn't walk on my own once. It was if someone was watching over me, or perhaps I just looked vulnerable and they knew I needed company. So please go. Your mother I sure would want you to and I'm sure she will walk with you.
Buen Camino x
 

t2andreo

Veteran Member
Camino(s) past & future
C/F: 2013, 2014
C/M: 2016
C/P: 2015, 2017
C/I: 2018
Voluntario: 2014 to 2018
As I could not say it better than has already been done, I shall not try. My only two cents is to go for it.

When you arrive at the Pilgrim Office ask for your Compostela to be annotated "In Vicare Pro - your mother's name." This means, in Latin, that you accomplished your Camino for her, or in her place. Trust me, it means a lot. Maybe not now...but it will make perfect sense when they give it to you so annotated...

Hope this helps.
 
Last edited:
Camino(s) past & future
Completed one 550 Miile and six partial caminos
I am heading out for my next Camino soon , leaving home April 2, and am finding my self in a strange state of mind. I have been planning since early last year to walk the Via Podensis and maybe continue on the Frances but i lost my mother in early January and since then haven’t felt like doing my usual planning and plotting of distances and feel almost disengaged/disenchanted. I feel like i should still go ( plane tickets were booked prior to her passing) but just dont know if my state of mind will make it too hard.
Has anyone else encountered this? Where mental state affects physical ability.
I waked the Camino Frances six months after my husband died.
We had waked it together three years previously and of course there were many emotional moments but also very happy memories.
You will find that the peace you experience will help to clear the mind of those things that don’t count.
You will be able to cherish all the good times you had with your mother.
I wish you well. Buen Camino
 

Stefystar

Active Member
Camino(s) past & future
Camino Frances from sarria 2015
Via Francigena Aquapendente to Rome 2016
Camino Portuguese from TuI 2016
Hi walked my first Camino at age 60yrs old, never walked long does stance before , let alone considered walking as a hobby.
My mum died in 2014, and in my head as I was trying to make sense of her loss, it seems I needed to do something out of my comfort zone, in her memory.
And the Camino pilgrimage idea manifested in many occasions, in films, in books in talks and so on ..
I could not believe how many coincidences would flow towards me.
So 3 months after her death I just stood up and said loudly..."I am coming, I am doing this pilgrimage".
No one else in the room.. just me ..
I have embraced the pilgrimage and I found it healed much more than just loss... It gave me courage, love and compassion.. it opened a door to a me I had not known before.
Just do it .. and open your heart to the healing that will come your way.. I send you blessing and my best wishes.
 

Lee Lauder

Remotelee
Camino(s) past & future
Camino Frances Apr-may 2017 Portugues (2018) Norte (2018)
As I could not say it better than has already been done, I shall not try. My only two cents is to go for it.

When you arrive at the Pilgrim Office ask for your Compostela to be annotated "In Vicare Pro - your mother's name." This means, in Latin, that you accomplished your Camino for her, or in her place. Trust me, it means a lot. Maybe not now...but it will make perfect sense when they give it to you so annotated...

Hope this helps.
I really like the idea of having her name on the Compostela, i did not know it was an option and it feel right to honour her that way. thank you for the suggestion
 

Maria Jo

New Member
Camino(s) past & future
April (2019)
Lee - that is an honest and open post.
Loss is so very hard, especially if it is the first one that you have experienced. We all feel for you, but, like you, we all live on - and that is what you must do too - imagine what she would say if you didn't!!

You have entered an interesting and rare space, an interlude - you say that you feel "almost disengaged/disenchanted" but Lee! That is a marvellous internal space to inhabit for Camino.
I can see that you are a Camino veteran, have done at least three Caminos - and from your "haven’t felt like doing my usual planning and plotting of distances" it is fairly certain that you are a serious planner, and if you are a planner then your habit has been to inhabit this solid 3D world more than the other that co-exists with us, that other deeper greater realm that is just as real ....

But Lee - because of the cessation of that planning and mileage mind that you feel this could be the most important and life-changing Camino you ever undertake - (I am not saying that it will be!)
- but, this one will certainly be different; if you are disengaged, disenchanted, maybe, just maybe, you will flow along without all your planning and recording of distances and in coming to terms with your loss, with your memories, with hopefully realisations of how this universe, this life, and your part in it actually really works - you just may have the most extraordinary Camino -
All I would say is to leave your mind as it is, to be not afraid .. do not over-plan this one .. just flow, stop when it is right, move when it is right, switch all your electronics off, stop writing distances into your journal and booking ahead .. be silent, speak to others, surrender to tears, drink until laughter, feel guilty the next day - but, Lee, Live.

Lee, this may be no help at the moment, maybe it will be in the future ... but .. nothing dies ... life withdraws and the vacated body dies, which is not the same. It is more like we are life itself experiencing this human life in some sort of body suit, a spacesuit if you will ... nothing dies, no one dies, they only withdraw. I have written this before and repeat it again for you - think of it as your Mum falling up out of her broken body and into the arms of angels.
Whether you are 'religious' or not is unimportant but .. maybe, on your Camino, visit every church that you can and light a candle for your mother .. pray for her, offer her to that benevolent love, and offer thanks for her in what she did for you and thanks that you, because of her, are what you are and where you are.

In essence, Lee, take this opportunity, in this slightly dissociated grief state to delve into Camino, to surrender to each and every moment, and to give thanks - because, All is Well Lee, all is well. And if you do find it too difficult, if the sorrow is too much .. the answer is utterly simple .. help others, focus to help others; look at every pilgrim you meet, the lonely, the hurt, and help them - kind word, shared meal, bathing feet, first aid, a gentle shoulder ... if you help others your sorrow will heal, it is how it is, one of the great secrets of the world.

Buen Camino Lee - and will you come back on here after your Camino and let all of us know how it went?

I hope so.
Your words are so beautiful and inspiring. Thank you
 

Awakekiwi

New Member
Camino(s) past & future
May/June (2016)
During my walk my grandmother passed away back home and so I ended up watching the funeral on the top bunk of my bed on my phone (not live due to time difference) and it was very helping to be on the Camino at the time.. I did almost no planning on that Camino.. no booking ahead ... Just basic planning on how far I might get each day.. and had the most amazing experiences of gratitude, generosity and coincidences.. always had somewhere to sleep somehow it always worked out. Just go for it!
 

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