Telling Family about plans to walk

[PurpleRainbows]

Hello

New to joining the forum, but I've spent a long time reading through so many threads. My question(s) are likely to be a little long winded so I apologise in advance.

I've had an almighty call to walk the camino - something that I can't quite explain. I think it is linked to something significant that has happened in my own world but can't be sure as the desires been there for many years now. Some days I have to force myself to not get up and just leave, I find myself going for a walk around the local area to where I live and subconsciously looking at trains which leave in the next hour and have planned the travel routes off by heart! And most nights I can't sleep for thinking and talking to myself (in my own head) trying to figure out why this desire is so ever present.

The main reason why I force myself to stop is usually because of all my life commitments, although I could leave without much fuss work-wise, my family (I.E husband) isn't likely to offer much in the way of support and is more likely to encourage me not to go. I also have our 11 year old to think about as well.

For some reason I can't scratch or satiate the need/call or whatever it is to not act upon this internal drive to have to go. Yet I cant figure out a way of getting the approval of my nearest and dearest, I've not even managed to open the discussion with my husband about going. Our 11 year old would be absolutely fine without me for 5/6 weeks and I would plan on going in term time.

So I guess I'm looking for help with how to open the discussions without getting shot down and how to persuade my husband of my need to go?

I'm happy for people to say "wait" or reaffirm my own thoughts about how my plan or wish to go at thus stage seems selfish and thus this post is also to try and sound check my own internal battles.. so critism is welcome as well as advice.

Thank you

 

[C clearly]

Welcome to the forum! I understand how difficult this can be.

Since you are relatively close to Spain (compared to many of us), you might also consider doing a shorter Camino. My first was from Astorga to Santiago in 12 days. I later came back and walked from SJPP to Sahagun before having to leave for family reasons, and then the following year to walk from SJPP to Santiago. I thoroughly enjoyed my shorter ones, and never felt that my subsequent long walk was spoiled by the earlier ones.

Alternatively you could start farther away and walk however many days you have, getting to Santiago after several years. Many people do the Camino in annual segments.

Even though you might prefer to take 5-6 weeks at once and walk from SJPP to Santiago, maybe that is the place for some compromise or negotiation. To take a week and walk from Sarria, or to do the Ingles, would likely seem more reasonable to others who don't share your view of the Camino. You can always come back.

 

[JustJack]

Hello

New to joining the forum, but I've spent a long time reading through so many threads. My question(s) are likely to be a little long winded so I apologise in advance.

I've had an almighty call to walk the camino - something that I can't quite explain. I think it is linked to something significant that has happened in my own world but can't be sure as the desires been there for many years now. Some days I have to force myself to not get up and just leave, I find myself going for a walk around the local area to where I live and subconsciously looking at trains which leave in the next hour and have planned the travel routes off by heart! And most nights I can't sleep for thinking and talking to myself (in my own head) trying to figure out why this desire is so ever present.

The main reason why I force myself to stop is usually because of all my life commitments, although I could leave without much fuss work-wise, my family (I.E husband) isn't likely to offer much in the way of support and is more likely to encourage me not to go. I also have our 11 year old to think about as well.

For some reason I can't scratch or satiate the need/call or whatever it is to not act upon this internal drive to have to go. Yet I cant figure out a way of getting the approval of my nearest and dearest, I've not even managed to open the discussion with my husband about going. Our 11 year old would be absolutely fine without me for 5/6 weeks and I would plan on going in term time.

So I guess I'm looking for help with how to open the discussions without getting shot down and how to persuade my husband of my need to go?

I'm happy for people to say "wait" or reaffirm my own thoughts about how my plan or wish to go at thus stage seems selfish and thus this post is also to try and sound check my own internal battles.. so critism is welcome as well as advice.

Thank you

Wow, your situation mirrors my own in so many ways! I too felt the "almighty call to walk the Camino" when I stumbled across it during the early days of the pandemic. And for the past two years it has occupied my thoughts every day. And like you, some days it's all I can do to stop myself from getting on an airplane and going.

However where my situation differs is I was struggling with how to get away from work for so long, not how to convince my wife to agree to let me go. Happily I was able to resolve the work hurdle, and next spring I'll be there.

Luckily for me, a couple years ago my wife asked me if she could go on a bucketlist trip with a friend of hers, leaving me home with our young daughter. I supported her, and now it's my turn.

That might be simplifying it a bit. I'm confident that she would have agreed to let me go even if she hadn't gone on her own bucketlist holiday without me. But it would have been tricky broaching the subject with her, so I understand your struggle.

Obviously I can't advise how best to deal with your husband, but in my opinion what needs to happen first is you need to slowly make him come to realize how important this is to you, and that it isn't a passing whim. Watch YouTube videos of the camino with him, order books from Amazon, listen to podcasts, join a local camino group, and generally do what you can to demonstrate the significance of this endeavor to you. It's important to convey - I think - that this isn't a holiday you are contemplating - it's something much more significant.

It might also be helpful if there's some sort of trip or bucketlist thing your husband would like to do without you. Encourage him to do that, after which it will be much more difficult for him to not support you.

Sorry I can't be of much help. I responded mainly because your story sounds so much like my own I couldn't resist. Don't give up. Whatever the hurdles are, they can be overcome with persistence.

 

[Former member 92300]

I say - if you can find a way - don't wait!

As for husband - just start the conversation. Let him know that you have been thinking about this a lot and it is something you feel you need to do. If the immediate future won't work - tell him what kind of time frame you are looking at. How long are you planning to walk? That makes a huge difference. If the 11 year old is an issue - come up with alternate plans for helping husband handle the 11 year old and his/her activities in your absence. Or - if so inclined - take the 11 year old with you. Perhaps watch a movie or documentary about the Camino with your husband. The Way is a fun "movie" and I love "I'll Push You" for a documentary of a disabled man's attempt to go with his totally awesome best friend. There are others.

That said - you may not ever get your husband to "understand" what it is you need to do and why you need to do it. My husband still doesn't get it - but he does support me. And after I went last summer - he realized how good it was for me so he encouraged me to go again this summer.

Anyhow - obviously you want your husband to back you - but don't be afraid to say "I need to do this, what do we need to do to compromise to allow me to have this experience?".

Oh - and it helped my husband to know how inexpensively I can do this trip! Edted to add: My husband was also concerned about infrastructure of the Camino and safety - so be prepared to answer related questions!

 

[RJM]

I used to think I would be able to walk the Camino anytime I could get a chance to. However many times I could before I got too old. I definitely had a feeling of whenever about it. Then the wretched pandemic slithered out. Completely changed my outlook. Tomorrow is never guaranteed. Do things when you can.
Just go walk it.

 

[jsalt]

Hmmm, you have a husband and an 11 year-old child, so you have certain commitments.

I don’t see how you can leave home, without them, for 5-6 weeks without family relationships changing significantly.

I’m a camino addict, so I understand your calling, but family comes first.

Maybe it would be better to wait for a few more years, when your child is older.

The camino will always be there . . . waiting for you.

 

[Camembert]

I say - if you can find a way - don't wait!

As for husband - just start the conversation. Let him know that you have been thinking about this a lot and it is something you feel you need to do. If the immediate future won't work - tell him what kind of time frame you are looking at. How long are you planning to walk? That makes a huge difference. If the 11 year old is an issue - come up with alternate plans for helping husband handle the 11 year old and his/her activities in your absence. Or - if so inclined - take the 11 year old with you. Perhaps watch a movie or documentary about the Camino with your husband. The Way is a fun "movie" and I love "I'll Push You" for a documentary of a disabled man's attempt to go with his totally awesome best friend. There are others.

That said - you may not ever get your husband to "understand" what it is you need to do and why you need to do it. My husband still doesn't get it - but he does support me. And after I went last summer - he realized how good it was for me so he encouraged me to go again this summer.

Anyhow - obviously you want your husband to back you - but don't be afraid to say "I need to do this, what do we need to do to compromise to allow me to have this experience?".

Oh - and it helped my husband to know how inexpensively I can do this trip! Edted to add: My husband was also concerned about infrastructure of the Camino and safety - so be prepared to answer related questions!

I just want to say “ watch the movie the Way with Martin Sheen”sitting on the sofa with your dear ones and say “ wow , this is what I want, who is joining me ? But you already mentioned it.

 

[Former member 92300]

Hmmm, you have a husband and an 11 year-old child, so you have certain commitments.

I don’t see how you can leave home, without them, for 5-6 weeks without family relationships changing significantly.

This depends on the family dynamic. I have left my kids for that period of time. Likewise, they have left ME and my husband for that period of time. As long as everyone in the family is having their needs met - in one way or another - this doesn't need to be a problem.

 

[Rick of Rick and Peg]

@PurpleRainbows, maybe framing the camino as "summer camp" might help. If the fiances are okay perhaps each of you could have a summer camp at the same time. I suggest three different places though.

 

[Former member 92300]

@PurpleRainbows, maybe framing the camino as "summer camp" might help. If the fiances are okay perhaps each of you could have a summer camp at the same time. I suggest three different places though.

I like that - summer camp in 3 different places! LOL

 

[Katherine Radeka]

Hi! I've felt the same "almighty call" to visit the bones of St. James since 2014. I actually tried to do it in 2018 but ended up sidelined with a training injury. I was planning to do the walk solo.

Now in 2022 it looks like we're on! And this time, Dear Husband is coming with me!

Unlike 2018, where every bit of preparation was hard, it seems like the Way is opening for us this year. I thought I had lost the down blankets I bought in 2018, which are perfect but alas, no longer available but I found them this weekend! They were sold in a two-pack so my hubby has one, too!

We leave in a little less than two weeks. We're as prepared, physically, emotionally, financially, etc as we can be (or at least as we will be).

But that said, it has been a long four years! I feel like I've been on pilgrimage the entire time. Even though we have Plans A, B, C and D, I have no idea what will happen or who we will be on the other side.

I'm sure the day will come for you, too. Who knows? Perhaps one day that eleven year old will be the one using your spare blanket.

Buen Camino!

 

[woody66]

Hi PurpleRainbows!
The need to walk won't go away until you walk you are perfectly sane don't worry!
Once you have walked;you will probably want more!
Your circumstances don't make your decision easy.

My suggestions might be completely incompatible with your families NEEDS and FINANCES and a bit off the wall!
Here's my five cents worth!(some may think it impractical but where there's a will there's a way)

What about suggesting to your hubby that you go on a family adventure all three of you to Portugal!
The whole thing rests on his willingness to give it a go!

I have only walked the Portuguese Coastal route from Porto to Santiago; but a lovely seaside walk on the coast and board walks before turning inland to join the Portuguese Central route.

It would give you a taste of the Camino and your family a holiday at the same time!
Plenty of infrastructure for accommodation and food.
I would stay in Porto a couple of days at least; lots to see and do (for your son,cable car, funicular railway,jet boats,book shop from harry potter,trams ect )

Hire a car so hubby has daily transport ,set your destination each day you walk and book a room for you all!
Beach holiday for hubby and son plus exploring (son could walk a stage or two if he wants) add some full rest days to do holiday stuff with family!

On the days you walk Camino set out early five/six hours walking and your done by lunch!
It might take a bit more organising and money ;but you will have scratched that itch for the time being!!!!
Buen Camino
Woody
Edit: just realised what Rick said above;yeah summer camp but all together

 

[Bill Anlyan]

Hello

New to joining the forum, but I've spent a long time reading through so many threads. My question(s) are likely to be a little long winded so I apologise in advance.

I've had an almighty call to walk the camino - something that I can't quite explain. I think it is linked to something significant that has happened in my own world but can't be sure as the desires been there for many years now. Some days I have to force myself to not get up and just leave, I find myself going for a walk around the local area to where I live and subconsciously looking at trains which leave in the next hour and have planned the travel routes off by heart! And most nights I can't sleep for thinking and talking to myself (in my own head) trying to figure out why this desire is so ever present.

The main reason why I force myself to stop is usually because of all my life commitments, although I could leave without much fuss work-wise, my family (I.E husband) isn't likely to offer much in the way of support and is more likely to encourage me not to go. I also have our 11 year old to think about as well.

For some reason I can't scratch or satiate the need/call or whatever it is to not act upon this internal drive to have to go. Yet I cant figure out a way of getting the approval of my nearest and dearest, I've not even managed to open the discussion with my husband about going. Our 11 year old would be absolutely fine without me for 5/6 weeks and I would plan on going in term time.

So I guess I'm looking for help with how to open the discussions without getting shot down and how to persuade my husband of my need to go?

I'm happy for people to say "wait" or reaffirm my own thoughts about how my plan or wish to go at thus stage seems selfish and thus this post is also to try and sound check my own internal battles.. so critism is welcome as well as advice.

Thank you

Dear Purple Rainbows, You are not alone in your feelings. I have walked the Camino Frances three times and the itch keeps coming back. I've met pilgrims who have made the trek 14 times! This is your life and each day is precious. Carpe Diem! Buen Camino!

 

[Zordmot]

Hello

New to joining the forum, but I've spent a long time reading through so many threads. My question(s) are likely to be a little long winded so I apologise in advance.

I've had an almighty call to walk the camino - something that I can't quite explain. I think it is linked to something significant that has happened in my own world but can't be sure as the desires been there for many years now. Some days I have to force myself to not get up and just leave, I find myself going for a walk around the local area to where I live and subconsciously looking at trains which leave in the next hour and have planned the travel routes off by heart! And most nights I can't sleep for thinking and talking to myself (in my own head) trying to figure out why this desire is so ever present.

The main reason why I force myself to stop is usually because of all my life commitments, although I could leave without much fuss work-wise, my family (I.E husband) isn't likely to offer much in the way of support and is more likely to encourage me not to go. I also have our 11 year old to think about as well.

For some reason I can't scratch or satiate the need/call or whatever it is to not act upon this internal drive to have to go. Yet I cant figure out a way of getting the approval of my nearest and dearest, I've not even managed to open the discussion with my husband about going. Our 11 year old would be absolutely fine without me for 5/6 weeks and I would plan on going in term time.

So I guess I'm looking for help with how to open the discussions without getting shot down and how to persuade my husband of my need to go?

I'm happy for people to say "wait" or reaffirm my own thoughts about how my plan or wish to go at thus stage seems selfish and thus this post is also to try and sound check my own internal battles.. so critism is welcome as well as advice.

Thank you

Perhaps this “calling”, this invitation to take your life to a deeper level by walking the camino involves more than just a scenic walk but a major shift in consciousness and taking control of your life. More than just a vacation, it may be more of an earthquake and the first step in the direction your life is going may be stepping out solo without the support of the one person that, up until this moment you thought would be required. Clearly this call is out into the unknown where you will learn to trust yourself and trust the process. The road to your future is not a paved highway but a trail you will blaze for yourself. Perhaps the stamps in your pilgrim credential are more necessary for you now than the stamps of approval by people in your life who would try to keep you from walking your camino. You can do this!!! Know that you have many friends here on our own trails that will support you.

 

[SuefromVegas]

Hi,
I originally planned to do the Camino 10 years ago, purchased my ticket and everything. My husband then had a heart attack and I felt I could not go. Fast forward to today and two more heart attacks and I decided it was now or never.

My husband always said that I just could not do it. Then last summer we were visiting family in another state and one of my sons just declared I was doing it and he was going with me. And poof, airline tickets have been purchased, accommodations have been planned, and we are on our way the end of September. As far as my husband, I love him dearly, but do not expect him to understand nor do I try to convince him any longer. It’s my quest, and frankly the last thing on my “bucket list”.

I respect those who do not understand the place in one’s heart and soul that pulls you to the Camino. I am not a religious person, but perhaps spiritual, and I know this is what I have to do. So, I understand your desire and struggle to make it happen. No doubt, family is paramount but living with regrets can be crushing over the long run.

 

[Rick of Rick and Peg]

@PurpleRainbows, I hope you don't take my summer camp post as treating your desire lightly. I don't and that's one reason why I wrote about separate camps. I want you to have YOUR camino and travelling with either of the boys would distract you. I mentioned camp as a possible way to discuss things if, in your judgement, that might help get the results you want.

I also mentioned separate camps because your son is about the age where he would like to escape from his parents for a bit. After reading Woody's post though I realized that you have something else to consider, your son is also approaching the age where he won't want to be even seen in the company of his parents, especially his mother. That means Woody's idea may be the way to go if you want to spent a good long quality time with your son. (If you do go somewhere together make your son in charge of a few things, it's a growning up thing).

I'm not a parent or even an uncle so I hope others on this thread can provide better advice and guidance on this aspect.

 

[Bill Anlyan]

Dear Purple Rainbows, You are not alone in your feelings. I have walked the Camino Frances three times and the itch keeps coming back. I've met pilgrims who have made the trek 14 times! This is your life and each day is precious. Carpe Diem! Buen Camino!

Perhaps this “calling”, this invitation to take your life to a deeper level by walking the camino involves more than just a scenic walk but a major shift in consciousness and taking control of your life. More than just a vacation, it may be more of an earthquake and the first step in the direction your life is going may be stepping out solo without the support of the one person that, up until this moment you thought would be required. Clearly this call is out into the unknown where you will learn to trust yourself and trust the process. The road to your future is not a paved highway but a trail you will blaze for yourself. Perhaps the stamps in your pilgrim credential are more necessary for you now than the stamps of approval by people in your life who would try to keep you from walking your camino. You can do this!!! Know that you have many friends here on our own trails that will support you.

Well said!

 

[Former member 92300]

@PurpleRainbows, I hope you don't take my summer camp post as treating your desire lightly. I don't and that's one reason why I wrote about separate camps. I want you to have YOUR camino and travelling with either of the boys would distract you. I mentioned camp as a possible way to discuss things if, in your judgement, that might help get the results you want.

I also mentioned separate camps because your son is about the age where he would like to escape from his parents for a bit. After reading Woody's post though I realized that you have something else to consider, your son is also approaching the age where he won't want to be even seen in the company of his parents, especially his mother. That means Woody's idea may be the way to go if you want to spent a good long quality time with your son. (If you do go somewhere together make your son in charge of a few things, it's a growning up thing).

I'm not a parent or even an uncle so I hope others on this thread can provide better advice and guidance on this aspect.

I don't know about the OP - but I didn't take it as treating the subject lightly! I think it was a fine suggestion - and only laughed at how it was worded! I know the first time my husband and I took a vacation without the kids - My mom and her friend flew out to babysit them. They were still little, I think 3 & 5. John and I got a vacation without the kids. Kids got a week with Grandma. Grandma got to see the grandkids.

In later years - Beginning when my boys were probably 9 & 11 - I started flying them to Illinois to spend a month and sometimes longer with Grandma every summer. And when my daughter was old enough - I sent all three kids to summer camp. Later - she got to go to Grandma's house for the summer too. Anyhow - 11 is a great age to send to summer camp or send to visit a relative. An 11 year old can more than handle a month away from parents, especially if being sent somewhere fun. Dad can go on a vacation OR stay home and work if he choses (that is what my husband does), mom can go on the Camino, and the 11 year old can have an adventure.

Taking the 11 year old could be great too - if that is what mom wants to do and if the 11 year old is going to cooperate with the plan and attempt to have a great time.

But again - every family dynamic is different. This works for us! May or may not work for the OP.

 

[Phil W]

Welcome to the forum! Don't worry about long complicated questions. Many of us have been there too.

I must say that you have received a lot of great ideas about how to get your family to a least be on board with you walking the Camino. For myself, I really didn't have to convince Janet. We were watching the movie "The Way" on a dreary Sunday in 2014 at home. At the end, I turned to Janet and told her that I/we have to do the Camino. That started 2 years of reading, for me lurking on this forum reading, and saving funds. In 2016, we walked the Camino Frances. We turned into Camino addicts. I've been back 5 times and in June will return for another time on the Camino. I suspect that the more you can share your interest in the Camino, the more likely hubby will be willing to at least let you go. I do like the idea @woody66 proposed as well as the summer camps by @Rick of Rick and Peg. Best of luck as you work through this issue.

Buen Camino,
Phil

 

[PurpleRainbows]

Oh my. One of these replies has me welling up, one has made me howl with laughter (in a very good way), one has changed my view completely, and others have broadened it.

I don't know how to reply individually but I cannot for the life of me thank you enough for some of these suggestions.

I think I've definately refined my plans. Rather than the full frances route, I might take a 2/3 week route, perhaps starting at Ferrol for the Ingles Route, or perhaps starting soemwhere along the Portuguese Route. I hadnt even considered that you don't have to go from the farthest point, you don't have to go from StJean or Leon, or anywhere really, the Camino starts from before you get to the starting destination, and begins when you leave the front door right? It's my own and I can start anywhere I really want.... I think putting too much emphasis on the starting at SJPDP has blocked my thinking.
⁷
Definately setting the son up with some form of camp too! I love the idea! He's already had three weeks away from us, and also a few weeks at a summer camp, so it wouldn't be new for him. But he's also an adventurer (he takes after me in a way although my adventures have been somehway suppressed in latter years). I would love to take him, and perhaps a shorter time/length could work.. I'll have to investigate further into children on the camino and weather systems to see if he would manage the heat in summer or whether April/may would be better.

Equally, the camino will always be there when i get there.
❤

 

[Former member 92300]

I would love to take him, and perhaps a shorter time/length could work.. I'll have to investigate further into children on the camino and weather systems to see if he would manage the heat in summer or whether April/may would be better.

Well - assuming your son is willing (the unwilling part I can't help with lol): I am willing to bet at 11-12 years old - he will be a better sport than many grown ups on trail and certainly more resilient to the weather variants! If you must walk in summer heat - there is always the option of starting a little earlier in the day to avoid the hottest parts of the day. Since I walked last summer - during COVID - there weren't a lot of kids on the trail. But the kids who did hike were wonderful and all seemed to be having a great time with their families! And kids his age are definitely CAPABLE of doing the full walk (even from SJPDP). That said - I would leave the daily walking distances flexible and allow him to rest when he needs/wants to rest - whther you chose a shorter or longer route. It is a different kind of Camino with a child - but could be a great experience for both of you (again - if he is willing and cooperative).

But yes - shortening your Camino is a great option! And yes - if he has already been to summer camp - it is such an easy option for getting your chance to walk alone! Assuming summer camp and Camino can fit into the same budget.

 

[C clearly]

I glad to hear that we have given you some useful ideas.

I'll have to investigate further into children on the camino

For many discussions of walking with children, just click on the tag "children".

 

[PurpleRainbows]

I glad to hear that we have given you some useful ideas.

For many discussions of walking with children, just click on the tag "children".

This was great, I didn't know we could search by tagine! It would appear Camino Children are more common than I think...

I think its decided, Camino Ingles to Muxia (maybe) with the 11 year old!

 

[Dawsie]

Welcome to the forum to PurpleRainbows

Recently I discovered a way for me to extend my walking season which might be worth considering as an introduction for you and sounds like it could be right on your doorstep and might help your particular dilemma.
Although we have a few ancient long distance paths and pilgrim routes in the UK, we generally don't have either the infrastructure or the "craic" to match the Caminos in Spain - except when I discovered walking some of the canals (and disused railways).

These have the major advantages of
a) mostly flat walking
b) lots of canalside pubs and marinas
c) lots of towns en route with B&Bs
d) excellent published guides
e) sense of achievement
f) public transport connections
g) UK phone connections
h) no language difficulties

There are books published specifically for walkers, but I find the Collins Nicholson Waterways Guides are best. Although originally written for boaters, these include lots of local information, maps, locations of pubs, shops and B&Bs.

A week spent walking on the canal towpaths would give you a chance to discover how far you can travel in a day, test your gear, see how well you can cope on your own with changes and problems all with the comfort of still being relatively close to home. You could even arrange for the rest of the family to take you to the start point, join you for a bit, bring you fresh clothes part way, or just meet up somewhere for a break.

 

[C clearly]

I think its decided, Camino Ingles to Muxia

Maybe stay a bit open-minded about the route. Are you thinking about April-May 2022, summer 2022, or 2023?

The Camino Frances provides more flexibility in stage distances, infrastructure and accommodation, as well as the social aspects that might engage the 11-year-old. However, on the last part of the Frances, July and August will be very busy. Reservations might be also be wise on either the Frances or the Ingles for April-May.

 

[trecile]

I hadnt even considered that you don't have to go from the farthest point, you don't have to go from StJean or Leon, or anywhere really, the Camino starts from before you get to the starting destination, and begins when you leave the front door right? It's my own and I can start anywhere I really want....

Perfectly said.

 

[kelleymac]

This was great, I didn't know we could search by tagine! It would appear Camino Children are more common than I think...

I think its decided, Camino Ingles to Muxia (maybe) with the 11 year old!

I walked with my 13 year old in 2015. -- For years I had been wanting to walk the camino... my husband thought I was dreaming, then he thought I was crazy. When I first brought it up, my youngest was 3 and I was thinking -jogging stroller or a donkey. Then later my husband's arthritis worsened, and I thought --hmm...maybe he could ride on the donkey.

But year rolled into year, and my little boys grew into big boys. Finally, I decided I was going. I asked my 16 year old son if he would walk with me, he asked me why I didn't just rent a car. (Right. He's not going.) I asked my 13 year old son, and he looked thoughtful and then asked "Can we get roast lamb while we're there?" I grinned at him and nodded.

-- He and I still maintain a special "camino connection" that is hard to describe.

We walked from Leon to Santiago. And then in 2016, my son asked if we could go back and start from SJPP-- and so we did, but just to Leon.

And just last Summer he said "Maybe after I graduate (Spring 2023), I could take a few months off and we could walk the Camino again together."

 

[Kathy F.]

Like you, PurpleRainbows, I felt that inexplicable compulsion to walk the Camino. It's like an addiction that is ALWAYS in the back of my mind.

My DH (Dear Husband) didn't know what I was talking about and, after 20 years in the infantry, was less than enthusiastic about taking a long walk with me!! Cautiously encouraging, though, he wasn't opposed to my having my own adventure.

This forum gave me so much information on what to expect that I was able to answer all of his questions. To be honest, I had many more questions than he ever had and they were all answered here.

I like the suggestion that you become submersed in Camino culture as a way to get your family on the same track. Join a local group, be an active (dare I say donating) member of this forum, read others blogs and pages. Ask lots of questions.

Although every experienced pilgrim here has gone through the same thing, your experience will be your own and one of a kind.

Buen Camino!!

PS - I didn't travel with my children and STILL haven't convinced any family member to accompany me. Truth be told, I like to travel alone. But on one leg of one Camino, I passed a family - Father, teenage girl, slightly younger boy, Mother - as I walked. Dad was as excited and as enthusiastic as anyone could be. Clearly, this was his idea and he desperately wanted to share it with his family. Not surprisingly, though, the kids were not crazy about taking this long walk and did not share his enthusiasm. Mom took up the rear and, to this day, I remember the daggers that shot from her eyes to the back of her husband's head at the front of their little troupe. He would have been dead, dead, dead if looks could kill. I'm sure it was a family trip they will never forget, hopefully for all the right reasons.
In other words, maybe go by yourself the first time. Then, let your stories and adventures tempt and lure your son in to walking with you the next time. Your stories will be so grand and you will be such a changed person, how could he NOT be chomping at the bit to try it himself when you bring up going again??!!

 

[TheBigT]

I am 5 days into my first - the Camino Portuguese, walking by myself. I had been planning this for years when personal injuries and Covid intervened - three trips booked and cancelled over the last four years. My wife is not interested in the Camino, but after some time to adjust, she is comfortable with my way. Now I am much older than you at 62, and my children are all grown up. Responsibilities, however, will remain with you at any age -- there are always good reasons not to go.

My advice, worth the paper it is written on, is go. Life is shorter than you think and you cannot get the days back - go!

As for your little one, I grew up a Navy child and my father was often away for 3-6 months of the year. Believe me, they can handle not having you about for a month or two. It is actually good for them, and you can take that from a father and grandfather who knows quite a bit about families.

Buen Camino!

 

[Leanne Lang]

This has been a wonderful thread to read, as like many others I have journeyed from the moment of burning desire to walk the Camino, to the planning, now to the going (7 weeks to go and counting!). I first booked flights to go on my own, then I started finding posts on this forum about kids walking too, and I asked my kids if they wanted to join me. My nine year old daughter was an instantaneous, wholehearted yes, my eleven year old son was a "not for anything in the world" no. A few months later, and now my husband and son are joining us too, but will meet us 2 weeks after my daughter and I start, so we can still have "our Camino" before the boys join us. My son has very slowly shifted his thinking, and still has a regular panic about it, but we watched a video together last week, of a lovely young boy called Bryce Jones recounting his Camino experience at about 11. I think recognising his fears in those Bryce talks about, then hearing his enthusiastic recount of his unique adventures, helped settle my son's thoughts. Last weekend he went backpack shopping, he was disinterested at first, then found 'his' pack, and was so excited about it. There are ways to gently help our less enthusiastic family members see the light! It's the strangest feeling, I just KNOW that we are meant to walk as a family, it has driven me slightly crazy waiting for this realisation to dawn on my husband and son. The number of times I let the idea go, only to find myself wrestling with it again. I would love to go alone though, the freedom would be incredible. I did feel like I was giving up something but gaining something special too as my solo Camino changed into a family Camino. The link to Bryce's TED talk is below. Enjoy your journey, wherever it leads you!

Finding Connection by Disconnecting on the Camino de Santiago

www.ted.com

 

[Embee12]

@PurpleRainbows I've had to think through some of these same issues though my variables are different. I am lucky to have a sabbatical next semester, and thus have the time to go as long as I'd like. However, I have a neurodivergent 14-year-old who will be starting high school about 6 weeks before I plan to go (October 2022). I told her about the walk, and asked what she would think about me being away for 4-5 weeks. She didn't really respond, but I could tell it worried her a bit. I said is that too much, and she said, "Yeah. Maybe 3 weeks would be better." She hardly ever asks or requests anything from me directly, so when she does, I take note. That's how I decided that I'm going to go for 3 weeks (maybe a few days more), and will start somewhere along the CF that will work within that timeframe, probably Leon, to end up in SdC. I'm divorced from her father, so don't need to discuss with him in that way, but do need him to take care of her - or, if not, to tell me and I will find oversight - but we don't really speak, so that's the part I'm looking forward to the least.

 

[trevorcc]

yes it is a hard one, but if you think your husband will not support you sit down and talk about it as without his support you may come back to an unhappy home. But saying that, (not sure how old you are) if its for a religous pull or just a walk by yourself it will be easier to explain if it spiritual than self indulgence. Also think this may not be a pilgrimage and then its over like so many we have become drawn back many times myself I am looking at number 5 at 73 years of age so if you can wait maybe that may be the best for all as going with out support may make it a trip full of worry, I know my wife worries as my first walk end in ICU for 8 days but the walks after she makes me call in each day but I am glad she supports me as it is one less worry I have. Hope all works out for you, just sit down and talk but also have a plan in place to support your husband and 11 year old so they may not worry.

 

[grace tutt]

Thank you all for such a wonderful, thoughtful thread. I am new to the forum, reading it throughly, retired, traveling first camino next week with best friend. Family staying home. What an amazing group of folks you all are. The kindness, love, understanding, acceptance, and support shown to each other resonates and reaffirms I am stepping out next week in the right direction. What an an amazing group.

Buen Camino @PurpleRainbows. It’s sometime hard for a mom to hard cover all her bases with family. What great advice and suggestions and starting points you have gathered. Such encouragement. You will do great and everything will fall into place. My trip also is spiritual, with that pull to walk. It will come to fruition! Blessings and joy to you.

 

[DianeCh]

Hello

New to joining the forum, but I've spent a long time reading through so many threads. My question(s) are likely to be a little long winded so I apologise in advance.

I've had an almighty call to walk the camino - something that I can't quite explain. I think it is linked to something significant that has happened in my own world but can't be sure as the desires been there for many years now. Some days I have to force myself to not get up and just leave, I find myself going for a walk around the local area to where I live and subconsciously looking at trains which leave in the next hour and have planned the travel routes off by heart! And most nights I can't sleep for thinking and talking to myself (in my own head) trying to figure out why this desire is so ever present.

The main reason why I force myself to stop is usually because of all my life commitments, although I could leave without much fuss work-wise, my family (I.E husband) isn't likely to offer much in the way of support and is more likely to encourage me not to go. I also have our 11 year old to think about as well.

For some reason I can't scratch or satiate the need/call or whatever it is to not act upon this internal drive to have to go. Yet I cant figure out a way of getting the approval of my nearest and dearest, I've not even managed to open the discussion with my husband about going. Our 11 year old would be absolutely fine without me for 5/6 weeks and I would plan on going in term time.

So I guess I'm looking for help with how to open the discussions without getting shot down and how to persuade my husband of my need to go?

I'm happy for people to say "wait" or reaffirm my own thoughts about how my plan or wish to go at thus stage seems selfish and thus this post is also to try and sound check my own internal battles.. so critism is welcome as well as advice.

Thank you

To throw my oar in. It took me ten years to finally walk the Camino from the time of my original desire. Many things stood in the way. When I finally did, in2019, it was still not a perfect time but my husband did encourage me to go. Then we had covid and now I have a major health issue. So pleased I went when I did. If you are considering it, then I would say that all challenges are manageable - you wouldn’t even think about it if it wasn’t an option. Just go for it….

 

[Catherineeliza]

I loved doing the Camino Francés in stages; I started in 2009 in SJPDP and walked in 1 week/10 day stints over the course of 3/4 years. After each time I couldn't wait to get back on the Camino. In some ways, it's nice to do multiple, shorter trips and not arrive in Santiago at the end of the first one, as you have that goal to look forward to. I also have so many great memories of different groups of lovely people I met each time I walked.

I imagine the satisfaction of doing the full route in one go must be great, though!

I thought I'd begun at the start, and then I met people who'd walked from home in Belgium/Holland/Northern France. As you say, your Camino starts wherever you leave your front door.

I went on to walk Caminos in France (Chemins St Jacques) which were beautiful, but didn't have quite the same feeling as the ones in Spain.

As has been stated above, the Camino Francés has perhaps more accommodation options and services than other Caminos, which might be better when walking with a child. Pilgrim's hostals do get very booked up when you get near to Santiago in August, however this is probably the same when approaching on any of the Caminos.

I now have a 3 year old, so it will be some time before I can don my backpack and go in search of shells again. I'm delighted that she is a good little walker, and I hope to take her one day. In the meantime, I come on here occasionally and get my Camino fix reading about everyone else's exciting plans!

Buen camino to all

 

[Eamonrodden]

Hello

New to joining the forum, but I've spent a long time reading through so many threads. My question(s) are likely to be a little long winded so I apologise in advance.

I've had an almighty call to walk the camino - something that I can't quite explain. I think it is linked to something significant that has happened in my own world but can't be sure as the desires been there for many years now. Some days I have to force myself to not get up and just leave, I find myself going for a walk around the local area to where I live and subconsciously looking at trains which leave in the next hour and have planned the travel routes off by heart! And most nights I can't sleep for thinking and talking to myself (in my own head) trying to figure out why this desire is so ever present.

The main reason why I force myself to stop is usually because of all my life commitments, although I could leave without much fuss work-wise, my family (I.E husband) isn't likely to offer much in the way of support and is more likely to encourage me not to go. I also have our 11 year old to think about as well.

For some reason I can't scratch or satiate the need/call or whatever it is to not act upon this internal drive to have to go. Yet I cant figure out a way of getting the approval of my nearest and dearest, I've not even managed to open the discussion with my husband about going. Our 11 year old would be absolutely fine without me for 5/6 weeks and I would plan on going in term time.

So I guess I'm looking for help with how to open the discussions without getting shot down and how to persuade my husband of my need to go?

I'm happy for people to say "wait" or reaffirm my own thoughts about how my plan or wish to go at thus stage seems selfish and thus this post is also to try and sound check my own internal battles.. so critism is welcome as well as advice.

Thank you

You could take your child. I have seen many o the Camino. It would a life enhancing experience for young person. Fellow pilgrims and hispitalaros are good with children. They would have the chance to mix with many different nationalities. Good luck

 

[Bob from L.A. !]

Whatever your decision, remember - ......Y.O.L.O. !

 

[JCarpenter]

I would take the boy in a heart beat! It will be positively life changing for him, too. I think about what young people are about to go through in their very social media connected lives and think they should all be required to embark on an unplugged adventure before they begin the rest of their lives. I brought my daughter at 13 and it is a connection that lives with us every day

 

[Mycroft]

By now you realize there as many suggestions on how to do your Camino as there are pilgrims.
Since I have no idea what your relationship with your husband is, walking a Camino may be for you a part of assessing that.
Always nice to have experiences and relationships be growthful.

There are pilgrim sites in UK if distance and time are the crux.
If it's fear on your husband's part that you will outgrow him, that's a pilgrimage of a different path.

In any case, your 'almighty call' to walk may be more than seeking a simple pilgrimage. You will know what your heart tells you when you listen.

 

[NYSE]

Hello

New to joining the forum, but I've spent a long time reading through so many threads. My question(s) are likely to be a little long winded so I apologise in advance.

I've had an almighty call to walk the camino - something that I can't quite explain. I think it is linked to something significant that has happened in my own world but can't be sure as the desires been there for many years now. Some days I have to force myself to not get up and just leave, I find myself going for a walk around the local area to where I live and subconsciously looking at trains which leave in the next hour and have planned the travel routes off by heart! And most nights I can't sleep for thinking and talking to myself (in my own head) trying to figure out why this desire is so ever present.

The main reason why I force myself to stop is usually because of all my life commitments, although I could leave without much fuss work-wise, my family (I.E husband) isn't likely to offer much in the way of support and is more likely to encourage me not to go. I also have our 11 year old to think about as well.

For some reason I can't scratch or satiate the need/call or whatever it is to not act upon this internal drive to have to go. Yet I cant figure out a way of getting the approval of my nearest and dearest, I've not even managed to open the discussion with my husband about going. Our 11 year old would be absolutely fine without me for 5/6 weeks and I would plan on going in term time.

So I guess I'm looking for help with how to open the discussions without getting shot down and how to persuade my husband of my need to go?

I'm happy for people to say "wait" or reaffirm my own thoughts about how my plan or wish to go at thus stage seems selfish and thus this post is also to try and sound check my own internal battles.. so critism is welcome as well as advice.

Thank you

If you think the first time is hard, try the 2nd.

 

[ua1907]

Hmmm, you have a husband and an 11 year-old child, so you have certain commitments.

I don’t see how you can leave home, without them, for 5-6 weeks without family relationships changing significantly.

I’m a camino addict, so I understand your calling, but family comes first.

Maybe it would be better to wait for a few more years, when your child is older.

The camino will always be there . . . waiting for you.

I agree with you. The call can be so strong so that it overrides all other thoughts and you can get obsessed by the idea of doing the Camino in full form of 6 weeks. I was in completely the same situation, studying camino, listening to yt videos, planning possible stops, I even step by step bought most of the equipment and did a bit of training. But my husband also wouldn’t hear about it, it is too soon for him to consider me going. Also my 10years old son. They are not completely opposed but just not now. So what jsalt just wrote makes sense: familu comes first and Camino will always be there. I did the same decision in my head and now i am ar peace with it. My equipment is in the wardrobe, my plans are written, but the unstoppable inner force to do it as soon as possible has cooled down. It matured. When the perfect time will cone, ill be able to leave home in a day or two.

 

[JabbaPapa]

First of all, this is not selfish, because there's a massive difference between what you want and what you need.

As to your husband, just tell him. Even if he weren't happy, you're not alone. Trust him.

 

[1elantra]

Hello

New to joining the forum, but I've spent a long time reading through so many threads. My question(s) are likely to be a little long winded so I apologise in advance.

I've had an almighty call to walk the camino - something that I can't quite explain. I think it is linked to something significant that has happened in my own world but can't be sure as the desires been there for many years now. Some days I have to force myself to not get up and just leave, I find myself going for a walk around the local area to where I live and subconsciously looking at trains which leave in the next hour and have planned the travel routes off by heart! And most nights I can't sleep for thinking and talking to myself (in my own head) trying to figure out why this desire is so ever present.

The main reason why I force myself to stop is usually because of all my life commitments, although I could leave without much fuss work-wise, my family (I.E husband) isn't likely to offer much in the way of support and is more likely to encourage me not to go. I also have our 11 year old to think about as well.

For some reason I can't scratch or satiate the need/call or whatever it is to not act upon this internal drive to have to go. Yet I cant figure out a way of getting the approval of my nearest and dearest, I've not even managed to open the discussion with my husband about going. Our 11 year old would be absolutely fine without me for 5/6 weeks and I would plan on going in term time.

So I guess I'm looking for help with how to open the discussions without getting shot down and how to persuade my husband of my need to go?

I'm happy for people to say "wait" or reaffirm my own thoughts about how my plan or wish to go at thus stage seems selfish and thus this post is also to try and sound check my own internal battles.. so critism is welcome as well as advice.

Thank you

Hi there. Life is short and a need for justification is not needed when your head and heart are longing for adventure or new beginings. You may be pleasantly surprised when you tell your family you are going to find whatever it is you may be looking for. Make a date and a plan, and then ask your family, to be happy for you. Its something you need to do. You are not being selfess to want to explore and live a little. It would be selfess of your family to try to talk you out of it. Sometimes we are driven to do things we cant explain, but that doesnt mean we shouldnt do them. Good luck & hopefully youll be on the Camino sooner rather than later.

 

[Camino Chrissy]

I have not read through these oodles of probably very helpful suggestions, but watching the movie "The Way" can give a loved one an idea/overview of how the Camino has similarities to the film in just two short hours. Along with watching some well made Youtube videos, your husband will get an understanding of what you desire to do, which may help.

 

[Bob from L.A. !]

I have not read through these oodles of probably very helpful suggestions, but watching the movie "The Way" can give a loved one an idea/overview of how the Camino has similarities to the film in just two short hours. Along with watching some well made Youtube videos, your husband will get an understanding of what you desire to do, which may help.

I couldn't agree more.
Family members viewing this movie would eliminate about half of the need to explain why you would want to walk a Camino. The rest would just be personal reasons.