The Authentic Pilgrim's™ Guide to the Camino

[DesertRain]

The Authentic Pilgrim’s™ Guide to the Camino de Santiago

Where to Start: SJPP or Roncevalles?
Trick question! They are BOTH artificial constructs of the modern age. The Authentic Camino™ begins at your front door. If you do not walk from there, you are simply giving into the dominant culture’s constant demand for instant gratification.

If you absolutely insist on starting your walk in SJPP/Roncesvalles, for goodness sake, do NOT take the train, bus, taxi, etc. to you “starting point.” Authentic™ modes of transportation include: Donkey, horse-drawn wooden cart, palanquin, etc. Despite rumors to the contrary, rickshaws are NOT Authentic™ having first appeared in Japan in 1868. Perhaps if fellow traveller Marco Polo had brought it back from the Orient, it would have been acceptable. But he didn’t. Get over it.

If you do not currently live in an area connected by land to the Iberian Peninsula, your options are limited. The Authentic Pilgrim™ recommends that you book passage on a three-masted schooner or larger ship. Depending on your starting point, expect your voyage to take between several hours (from Northern Africa) to 12 months (for all you Aussies and Kiwis). If you do not have the money to book such conveyance, you may wish to join the crew. As a crew member, expect flogging, rats, salted penguin meat and weevils in your biscuits. On the up side, you Brits will receive half a pint of rum daily.

Footwear: Boots, Shoes or Sandals?
This is one topic on which the Authentic Pilgrim™ sees no bad choice. It comes down to personal preference. HOWEVER, the Authentic Pilgrim™ reminds you that whatever footwear you choose must not contain ANY for the following materials: Rubber, plastic, nylon, polyurethane, and most metal alloys. Basically, unless you made your footwear out of rawhide and the sinew from a deer that you poached from your Lord’s lands (or, of course, you are the Lord), you are dangerously close to becoming an effete poseur.

What Size Backpack? How Much Weight Should I Carry?
You are not really going to carry your own gear are you?!!?! That is the purpose of serfs! But should you choose to leave them at home, the Authentic Pilgrim™ recommends that you at least have a pack mule. Not only will you appreciate not having to carry your hemp sack over the Pyrenees yourself, you you will also appreciate it when, after getting a hoof infection that goes systemic, your mule’s carcass provides plenty of meat for a feast at that night’s albergue stop. Which brings me to.....

What Should I Know About Health Care and First Aid on the Camino?
The Authentic Pilgrim™ knows to expect the unexpected on the Camino. Not only are there highway bandits with large clubs, rabid dogs and twisted ankles, you probably have not completely recovered from the scurvy you contracted on your voyage to SJPP. It is no accident that all along the Camino are historic hospitals. If you have any medical problems, I suggest that you go to one such fine institutions and ask for one of two treatments: leeches or bleeding. It is amazing how quickly siphoning off a pint of blood daily can help you reach Santiago. Or kill you from an infected scarificator. Whatever.... Anyway, other Authentic™ treatments include: balancing the humors, nettle tea and exorcism.

Communication: Will My iPhone Work?
By now, I am sure you know the Authentic Pilgrim’s™ advice: Leave all phones, PDAs, computers, tablets, GPS units, etc. at home. Should you wish to communicate with your family, I strongly advice you bring a few homing pigeons. Barring that, a message in a bottle thrown into Atlantic once you get to Finesterra should reach home before you do.

I Have Arrived in Santiago! How Should I Get Home?
Turn around and head back the way you came.


Remember.... if you vary from these and subsequent installments of this guide, you are not an Authentic Pilgrim™.

 

[Dael]

I refuse to read this post as it has been delivered to my home in an non authentic method. I would prefer the author to follow his own advice and be authentic in all he/she does. Any communication should be delivered, by hand, to my home on vellum, hand written with ink made from Oak gall using a quill pen.

 

[Ian Holdsworth]

An authentic pilgrim has been classically defined as one who goes on a journey for spiritual reasons,
and who is changed by it on their return. The real journey is in the mind, the rest is just a way of keeping the body busy and preventing it from being a distraction whilst the important work is going on. There is no mention of method otherwise pilgrimage would only be an experience for the healthy
and fit. What of the poor, the maimed, the unwell and the aged. They have their own experience of pilgrimage that is equally valid. The modern false construct is not about transport but about doing it the right way. There is no right way! Only a failure to do it all. Many who think themselves as true
pilgrims are anything but. They have not been changed by the experience. They are the same selfish arrogant people they were before they set out. The difference is that they see themselves as superior in some way because the have walked a few miles. This is adding to the 'false self' that Thomas Merton speaks so wonderfully about. Pilgrimage is part of the battle to do away with this illusion. and become better people.

 

[robertt]

DesertRain, I'm an authentic Dawdler-cum-Tourist-Posturing-as-Pilgrim, and I was wondering how I can make one of those little TM things to put after my status description. You never know, it might help me get a discount at the Parador.

 

[KiwiNomad06]

DesertRain, I'm an authentic Dawdler-cum-Tourist-Posturing-as-Pilgrim, and I was wondering how I can make one of those little TM things to put after my status description. You never know, it might help me get a discount at the Parador.

I don't know how you do it on a PC, but on a Mac you can use the Option key with the 2 key. ™™™™™™™™ Robert, it won't work for you though, as your Antipodean accent will automatically mark you out as a Fraudulent Pilgrim®. Like me. Fraudulent Pilgrims® of the Antipodes Unite!
Margaret

 

[robertt]

Nomad, I am a much bigger fraud than you. Why do Kiwis always feel they have to play catchups with us Aussies? Your time from Le Puy was much quicker than mine, and that's without factoring in the triple rest-day I spent in Le Puy, before I even started!

By the way, aren't you off to Cluny very soon?

 

[KiwiNomad06]

By the way, aren't you off to Cluny very soon?

I am indeed off to Cluny fairly soon. I leave Kiwiland April 11th and get to Paris April 13th, and dilly dally there for a few days. Then I am visiting someone from near Dijon who I met in Spain on the Camino- am really looking forward to that. They are taking me to Cluny, and I imagine I will start walking about 18th/19th April. I am by no means certain I will reach Le Puy by walking though. The more I read about the Cluny route, the more I understand what the difficulties might be: it will be a challenge. So we will see what we will see!
Margaret

 

[Rebekah Scott]

I think in order to be an authentic pilgrim you have to be an authentic person.

Some questions to ask yourself:
>Are you utterly attached to your communications devices and the people/jobs/business they connect to? If you lost contact for several days, could you handle it? Could your family/friends/business handle it?
>Are you compelled to plan every last ounce in your pack, every last day of your walk, every place to stay and meal to eat and site to see? Will you be terribly disappointed if your plan goes totally haywire? What if you lose your backpack the first day out... will you continue? What will you do, really, if you have to sleep outside beneath the stars?
>Are you attached to money, or the lack of it? Will you walk 5 extra kilometers to reach that "donativo/free" albergue, so you can save five Euros, even though you have many Euros in reserve? If you meet someone truly needy, will you share your food/money/resources with him? Will you steal crops from farmers´fields and call it "living off the land?" How do you feel about begging for your dinner or bed? Do you think the camino/God/Providence/Santiago will support you on your way? Are you prepared to work to support yourself on the Way, or do you expect/deserve a free ride?
>Are you walking the camino so you can share your faith and God´s salvation with the lost souls who are out there, searching for this wonderful thing you have found? What if you find something utterly different and completely compelling out there?
>Do you have something to prove/sell/support, and the camino is "just the thing" to get your point across and raise those needed funds? <

This is a pilgrimage. Examine your conscience.
Sanctimoniously
Reb

 

[dougfitz]

Re: The Authentic Pilgrim's Guide to the Camino

I think in order to be an authentic pilgrim you have to be an authentic person.

Noting which, the OP appears to have asserted that there is trademark registered for the term "Authentic Pilgrim's". I have done an standard internet trademark search, which didn't reveal any such registration. The OP's claim on this matter doesn't appear to be authentic.

Regards,

 

[Rebekah Scott]

I am sure the OP was joking throughout his post!

 

[Deleted member 3000]

You can get the Australian trademark for Authentic Pilgrim for $249.

 

[KiwiNomad06]

Actually, I remember very well one occasion when I was being accused of being a Fraudulent Pilgrim® by an Authentic Pilgrim™. He was taking issue with my use of the internet, and he was giving me quite a lecture about it. It was something Authentic Pilgrims™ never did apparently. (I don't think he had noticed I was a Very Lapsed Catholic, who didn't follow The Rules well.) I was trying to explain that my family was far away (in the Antipodes) and they would worry if they never heard from me. But it wasn't sufficient reason apparently, and I was in the dogbox. Suddenly, you could hear a mobile phone ring- and it was in Authentic Pilgrim's™ pocket, and he answered it. He did have the good grace to explain that he kept it to keep in touch with his family- in nearby France- who would worry if they never heard from him. A truce was called.
Margaret

 

[dougfitz]

I am sure the OP was joking throughout his post!

Never thought of that.

You can get the Australian trademark for Authentic Pilgrim for $249.

I did check that, but I am not sure that I am that determined to stop people making silly claims.

Regards,

 

[Abbeydore]

DesertRain, I'm an authentic Dawdler-cum-Tourist-Posturing-as-Pilgrim, and I was wondering how I can make one of those little TM things to put after my status description. You never know, it might help me get a discount at the Parador.

I don't know how you do it on a PC, but on a Mac you can use the Option key with the 2 key. ™™™™™™™™ Robert, it won't work for you though, as your Antipodean accent will automatically mark you out as a Fraudulent Pilgrim®. Like me. Fraudulent Pilgrims® of the Antipodes Unite!
Margaret

™™™™ it's up'case .....option 2 ™,
SORRY I'M LEARNING TO BE BE A PILGRIM, left it it upper, as Falcon says I'm only a part-timer doing only 2 weeks, that's a huge amount for my partner who is a work-a-wots-it :lol:
Got my new silver fern passport last week when someone pointed out that the old one was fraud't :roll: ,
........does that make me ®®® "Fraudulent Pilgrims® of the Antipodes Unite!"

.......loving this forum, David

 

[BlackDog]

I am sure the OP was joking throughout his post!

I applaud the humorous intent of the OP

 

[robertt]

I still can't do a TM! Or one of those R things!

You know, one of the great things about being a fraud is that you often get a room with a TV. In Spain you get heaps of channels with everything dubbed into Spanish. If there's a better way to learn a language fast I haven't found it.

The system doesn't work in Portugal. There's no dubbing, just subtitling, and very few channels. You'd have to be keen to watch the shows that are in Portuguese. Brazilian soaps...brrr.

Advantages of this are that you can talk a lot more with locals and you can feel totally non-authentic as you stretch out in your own room with Astorga chocolate in one hand and remote in the other.

Safe to say, there's not a Kiwi alive who could teach this Aussie about fraudulent pilgrimage.

Rob

 

[Deleted member 3000]

everything dubbed into Spanish

My favorite is "The Simpsons." I have seen a lot of the shows, so I sometimes know the plot. For some reason, that makes the dubbing very humorous (I speak no Spanish).