The need for connection

[NualaOC]

I've had a hectic few weeks, mainly due to issues and challenges involving my elderly parents who live in another city. It's nice to be back home this morning, catching up on more mundane things. And as often happens during a stressful time, my thoughts wander to the Camino and I find myself planning or dreaming about a future walk (or two!).

Anyway, my reason for that preamble is that when I mention those plans or dreams to my family or to some of my friends, I get the blank looks or the questions about why I keep going back. I think we're all familiar with those questions, and there have been many discussions here about the 'draw' of the Camino.

While sitting this morning surrounded by boxes of Christmas decorations and many unfinished jobs around the house, I took a coffee break and enjoyed this little piece in the Irish Times. The writer, recently returned to Ireland from California, muses about our need for connection, noting that: It is something that is hardwired into us, as naked and fundamental a human need as food or water. She goes on to comment that: our society is being engineered to make those connections more elusive; we spend so much time staring down into other people’s best faces on our phones that we forget to stop and look into the unfiltered faces around us.

On reading this, it struck me how human connection is often at the heart of our Camino experiences and memories. Even on solitary or less-travelled journeys, we still experience meaningful encounters or unexpected acts of kindness. Those moments often sustain us or lift our mood on a difficult day. Might this also be part of the answer to the question of how we keep the Camino spirit alive when we get back home?

To quote the writer's concluding sentence: This week, do yourself a favour and find a stranger to talk to. Do it in person, not via a screen. You might even enjoy it.

 

[KinkyOne]

Yep, there is some wisdom in this article

 

[Peter Fransiscus]

It is so true .
I'm old school , I never talk to a screen .
No Facebook ,Twitter etc....
Wish you well ,Peter .

 

[trecile]

It is so true .
I'm old school , I never talk to a screen .
No Facebook ,Twitter etc....
Wish you well ,Peter .

But you are connecting here on the forum via some type of screen.

 

[Peter Fransiscus]

But you are connecting here on the forum via some type of screen.

That''s true , connecting to the forum is the only screen talk I do.
Wish you well , Peter .

 

[kaixo]

We have socially disconnected to be cyber connected. Frightening!
I will most definitely smile and say hello to a stranger today.
May even toss in a "buen camino" to see what kind of a response I get.

Keep going back...most people stop asking why. Those who continue to ask create an opportunity for social interaction and connection. Yeah!

 

[NualaOC]

I don't think there's anything wrong with 'screen talk' - it would be pretty ironic to suggest so via a form of social media!

I just liked the reminder of the importance of real human connection, even in our small daily interactions. I've had memorable and heart-warming little connections with strangers on the Camino - there's no reason not to be open to this in 'real life' too.

 

[C clearly]

Oh dear.

Do it in person, not via a screen.

I thoroughly enjoy my screen time and don't intend to stop. (And please don't say it is "sad".)

I never talk to a screen

It is better than not talking to anyone. Not as interesting as talking to oneself, though!

 

[NualaOC]

Oh dear.

I thoroughly enjoy my screen time and don't intend to stop. (And please don't say it is "sad".)
It is better than not talking to anyone. Not as interesting as talking to oneself, though!

Me too! I'm an enthusiastic and almost daily forum user, so it would be pretty hypocritical of me to suggest there's something 'wrong' with screen time! And since I'll be walking a Camino next year with three forum 'friends', I don't doubt for a moment that we can make very real connections through this medium.

I probably detracted from the point of the article (and my post) by over-emphasising the final line. I think it's all about balance. Social media offers great opportunities and possibilities, but I think that things can get 'messed up' when its at the expense of the face-to-face connection.

 

[SabsP]

Me too! I'm an enthusiastic and almost daily forum user, so it would be pretty hypocritical of me to suggest there's something 'wrong' with screen time! And since I'll be walking a Camino next year with three forum 'friends', I don't doubt for a moment that we can make very real connections through this medium.

I probably detracted from the point of the article (and my post) by over-emphasising the final line. I think it's all about balance. Social media offers great opportunities and possibilities, but I think that things can get 'messed up' when its at the expense of the face-to-face connection.

I understand your point completely!

Face to face is the way to go...I am glad when meeting friends we will never ever look on our cellphone screens while talking to each other.

 

[timr]

Even on solitary or less-travelled journeys, we still experience meaningful encounters or unexpected acts of kindness. Those moments often sustain us or lift our mood on a difficult day.

As I wrote already today, elsewhere, I like walking with people and I like walking alone. Some people are surprised I walk completely by myself at times, but what you say is absolutely true.

 

[JabbaPapa]

I've had a hectic few weeks, mainly due to issues and challenges involving my elderly parents who live in another city. It's nice to be back home this morning, catching up on more mundane things. And as often happens during a stressful time, my thoughts wander to the Camino and I find myself planning or dreaming about a future walk (or two!).

Anyway, my reason for that preamble is that when I mention those plans or dreams to my family or to some of my friends, I get the blank looks or the questions about why I keep going back. I think we're all familiar with those questions, and there have been many discussions here about the 'draw' of the Camino.

While sitting this morning surrounded by boxes of Christmas decorations and many unfinished jobs around the house, I took a coffee break and enjoyed this little piece in the Irish Times. The writer, recently returned to Ireland from California, muses about our need for connection, noting that: It is something that is hardwired into us, as naked and fundamental a human need as food or water. She goes on to comment that: our society is being engineered to make those connections more elusive; we spend so much time staring down into other people’s best faces on our phones that we forget to stop and look into the unfiltered faces around us.

On reading this, it struck me how human connection is often at the heart of our Camino experiences and memories. Even on solitary or less-travelled journeys, we still experience meaningful encounters or unexpected acts of kindness. Those moments often sustain us or lift our mood on a difficult day. Might this also be part of the answer to the question of how we keep the Camino spirit alive when we get back home?

To quote the writer's concluding sentence: This week, do yourself a favour and find a stranger to talk to. Do it in person, not via a screen. You might even enjoy it.

Then I'm afraid there's still something left for you to learn from the Camino -- because apart from those of us who are genuinely eccentric and who were pretty much "outsiders" even before our first Camino, it's frankly a great mistake to try and relocate the basis of one's social existence onto the impermanence of the Way.

The Camino is in its essence a journey home, the long way 'round.

This is vital to understand, so as not to lose oneself there -- though it's an understanding that can easily be lost, particularly by those who need more than just the hiking.

If the Camino never ends, then it will never be truly resolved, and so its purpose will escape us, including unconsciously.

We should set forth with home as our purpose, and Compostela as the most important stop along the Way -- and it is extremely important IMO to do one's very best to make one's return from Santiago a meaningful journey in its own right.

 

[C clearly]

The Camino is in its essence a journey home, the long way 'round. This is vital to understand, so as not to lose oneself there -- though it's an understanding that can easily be lost, particularly by those who need more than just the hiking.

We should set forth with home as our purpose, and Compostela as the most important stop along the Way -- and it is extremely important IMO to do one's very best to make one's return from Santiago a meaningful journey in its own right.

Very true.

 

[NualaOC]

Then I'm afraid there's still something left for you to learn from the Camino -- because apart from those of us who are genuinely eccentric and who were pretty much "outsiders" even before our first Camino, it's frankly a great mistake to try and relocate the basis of one's social existence onto the impermanence of the Way.

The Camino is in its essence a journey home, the long way 'round.

This is vital to understand, so as not to lose oneself there -- though it's an understanding that can easily be lost, particularly by those who need more than just the hiking.

If the Camino never ends, then it will never be truly resolved, and so its purpose will escape us, including unconsciously.

We should set forth with home as our purpose, and Compostela as the most important stop along the Way -- and it is extremely important IMO to do one's very best to make one's return from Santiago a meaningful journey in its own right.

That's a very interesting perspective, thank you for sharing it.

 

[VNwalking]

Lovely article, @Nuala, thank you.

Might this also be part of the answer to the question of how we keep the Camino spirit alive when we get back home?

Absolutely. That's one aspect of bringing the Camino home--and the integration that JabbaPapa is talking about.

We connect to each other here, and we connect to each other in person, in the physical world.
Both can be good so long as actual relationships don't suffer on account of the virtual ones.
And and depending on motivation.
Balance is the key, isn't it?

So before doing either of those things I find it helps to connect silently inside. When I'm fortunate enough in the moment to remember to notice why I want to say something, I often don't. This is only a blessing.

Some people might say...I have the right to say what I want, when I want, to whomever I want...but there's enough of that happening right now. I guess I'm not like 'some people.'

 

[Marilu Tejero]

Lovely article, @Nuala, thank you.

Absolutely. That's one aspect of bringing the Camino home--and the integration that JabbaPapa is talking about.

We connect to each other here, and we connect to each other in person, in the physical world.
Both can be good so long as actual relationships don't suffer on account of the virtual ones.
And and depending on motivation.
Balance is the key, isn't it?

So before doing either of those things I find it helps to connect silently inside. When I'm fortunate enough in the moment to remember to notice why I want to say something, I often don't. This is only a blessing.

Some people might say...I have the right to say what I want, when I want, to whomever I want...but there's enough of that happening right now. I guess I'm not like 'some people.'

 

[Bonnie c Wisz]

I've been planning and dreaming about el Camino for 20 years. Yes I can, no I can't.. never making a commitment. Then the election results. Up popped a face book article and pictures about el Camino the next day and I've used my planning as a lifeline since then. It's helped me maintain some sanity. When news pops up and I just cannot deal with it anymore, I watch utube journeys or order a piece of hiking clothes as a distraction. I'll be there next April proudly wearing my Bernie pin. It will be my 75th birthday.

 

[VNwalking]

You aren't the only one whose sanity is being saved by planning a pilgrimage or thinking about socks and buffs right now, @Bonniw c Wisz--warmly welcome to this small apolitical zone of congeniality in cyberspace.
We don't even go there here, and I have to say it's a great relief.
And wishing you a very happy birthday walk...Buen Camino!
(Oh...and those thoughts? Believe me. You can.)

 

[NualaOC]

I think this is not so much about face to face vs screen talk but about a cultural environment where it is normal or easy to start talking to a stranger, such as pilgrims on a camino in Spain or passengers on a bus in Dublin. And once you have experienced this abroad, take the experience with you and try it out at home: on the train, in a restaurant, park, cinema, supermarket ...

But the main point is: you don't have to travel to Spain and walk the camino to be able to talk to strangers but it's easier there, obviously, and it may be a main reason for its continued attraction.

I totally agree with your assessments, Katharina.

There are of course cultural differences in the 'talking to strangers' business. It's very normal in Ireland (and no doubt in other places too) to strike up a conversation with random strangers. Where I live, it's the norm to say 'hello' to those we pass on the street. For us, the challenge might be to make those short interactions a little more personal and sincere. I think that's one of the points being made in the article.

I suppose it's trickier in places where talking to strangers feels like a much bolder step. It's not something that I comfortably do in London, but offering to help a person lift their bags or kids onto a bus is one such moment of connection. And talking about the weather, or listening to someone complain about the weather at a bus stop usually works too! It doesn't have to be complicated or demanding.

Wherever we are, remembering the impact of the special brief interactions or acts of kindness we experienced on the Camino (or elsewhere) might be a good starting point. Our small efforts could be a moment of light in an otherwise dark day - and not just for the stranger.

 

[Peter Fransiscus]

I've been planning and dreaming about el Camino for 20 years. Yes I can, no I can't.. never making a commitment. Then the election results. Up popped a face book article and pictures about el Camino the next day and I've used my planning as a lifeline since then. It's helped me maintain some sanity. When news pops up and I just cannot deal with it anymore, I watch utube journeys or order a piece of hiking clothes as a distraction. I'll be there next April proudly wearing my Bernie pin. It will be my 75th birthday.

Hi Bonnie.In advance I wish you a wonderful birthday walk and a Buen Camino ,Peter .

 

[Bonnie c Wisz]

You aren't the only one whose sanity is being saved by planning a pilgrimage or thinking about socks and buffs right now, @Bonniw c Wisz--warmly welcome to this small apolitical zone of congeniality in cyberspace.
We don't even go there here, and I have to say it's a great relief.
And wishing you a very happy birthday walk...Buen Camino!
(Oh...and those thoughts? Believe me. You can.)

Thank you, sincerely. Just put on my me socks and they feel fabulous.

 

[Anniew]

I've had a hectic few weeks, mainly due to issues and challenges involving my elderly parents who live in another city. It's nice to be back home this morning, catching up on more mundane things. And as often happens during a stressful time, my thoughts wander to the Camino and I find myself planning or dreaming about a future walk (or two!).

Anyway, my reason for that preamble is that when I mention those plans or dreams to my family or to some of my friends, I get the blank looks or the questions about why I keep going back. I think we're all familiar with those questions, and there have been many discussions here about the 'draw' of the Camino.

While sitting this morning surrounded by boxes of Christmas decorations and many unfinished jobs around the house, I took a coffee break and enjoyed this little piece in the Irish Times. The writer, recently returned to Ireland from California, muses about our need for connection, noting that: It is something that is hardwired into us, as naked and fundamental a human need as food or water. She goes on to comment that: our society is being engineered to make those connections more elusive; we spend so much time staring down into other people’s best faces on our phones that we forget to stop and look into the unfiltered faces around us.

On reading this, it struck me how human connection is often at the heart of our Camino experiences and memories. Even on solitary or less-travelled journeys, we still experience meaningful encounters or unexpected acts of kindness. Those moments often sustain us or lift our mood on a difficult day. Might this also be part of the answer to the question of how we keep the Camino spirit alive when we get back home?

To quote the writer's concluding sentence: This week, do yourself a favour and find a stranger to talk to. Do it in person, not via a screen. You might even enjoy it.

Hi Nuala
How appropriate is this article! I thought when I read it in the newspaper of the act of you connecting with me through the forum to suggest meeting up and enabling me to try out the pacer poles you think so highly of!

There are many ways to talk to people but In The first instance one has to be open to talking with strangers. Many of my most enjoyable experiences in life have been born out of firstly engaging with a stranger or strangers and making subsequent choices through that engagement.

Looking forward to meeti g up with you on Friday. Again, if your personal circumstances dictate cancelling, please don't worry. I too have elderly parents (90) but living next door which brings its own challenges! The reason I booked my ticket for April is that I feel,I can't wait any longer or I may be gone before them!!

 

[NualaOC]

Yes! I actually did not like it when I was called a camino angel - I did not do anything that I had not also done on treks and walks I had been on before where it was appreciated what I did but no particular label was put on me - but all this talk about small acts of kindness on the Camino made me realise how often it happens to me in daily life that someone is kind to me (for example the conductor on the commuter train who waits until I've boarded the train or lets me get away with it if I had forgotten my pass) and I now notice these positive events more consciously and not just the negative events (the conductor does not let me board anymore although s/he could have allowed it without me holding anything up or makes me go through the rigmarole of having to pay for a day ticket and claiming the money back later on), and I probably make more conscious or more frequent efforts to be kind or helpful myself in small ways in daily life.).

Katharina, your point about being called a Camino angel made me think about how we use this phrase. Acts of kindness and connection are surely the essence of our shared humanity, regardless of our beliefs about angels and the like. It's easy to use the 'angel' label or metaphor, but perhaps it isn't always the most apt one.

 

[NualaOC]

Hi Nuala
How appropriate is this article! I thought when I read it in the newspaper of the act of you connecting with me through the forum to suggest meeting up and enabling me to try out the pacer poles you think so highly of!

There are many ways to talk to people but In The first instance one has to be open to talking with strangers. Many of my most enjoyable experiences in life have been born out of firstly engaging with a stranger or strangers and making subsequent choices through that engagement.

Looking forward to meeti g up with you on Friday. Again, if your personal circumstances dictate cancelling, please don't worry. I too have elderly parents (90) but living next door which brings its own challenges! The reason I booked my ticket for April is that I feel,I can't wait any longer or I may be gone before them!!

Thanks for your kind words Annie and well done on taking that step of booking your ticket! Caring for loved ones is a privilege, but it's also draining and exhausting at times. Looking forward to meeting you too.

 

[Deleted member 3000]

Acts of kindness and connection are surely the essence of our shared humanity

But they are particularly welcome on a camino where one can get the feeling of a month in crisis (physical and mental)! I take the concept of angel to mean that a fellow pilgrim takes the time and effort to pierce his/her own crises to help with someone else's crisis. In the ordinary course of daily life, when a Boy Scout helps a little old lady cross the street, only one is in crisis...

 

[NualaOC]

But they are particularly welcome on a camino where one can get the feeling of a month in crisis (physical and mental)! I take the concept of angel to mean that a fellow pilgrim takes the time and effort to pierce his/her own crises to help with someone else's crisis. In the ordinary course of daily life, when a Boy Scout helps a little old lady cross the street, only one is in crisis...

That's an interesting analogy and one to which I can easily relate. When I was a scout leader many years ago, we used to joke about all those 'old ladies' who may have been escorted across roads that they never really wanted to cross!

Seriously though, I think you've highlighted an important difference between a 'good deed' and a moment of meaningful connection or kindness. And I agree that this can have a particularly poignant impact on the Camino.

I'm still wondering about the angel metaphor. Why do we label something essentially human in celestial terms?

 

[timr]

I've been planning and dreaming about el Camino for 20 years. Yes I can, no I can't.. never making a commitment. Then the election results. Up popped a face book article and pictures about el Camino the next day and I've used my planning as a lifeline since then. It's helped me maintain some sanity. When news pops up and I just cannot deal with it anymore, I watch utube journeys or order a piece of hiking clothes as a distraction. I'll be there next April proudly wearing my Bernie pin. It will be my 75th birthday.

How wonderful! 'Somebody' said: There is nothing more powerful than an idea whose time has come." Seize your moment. At 75..... you are just coming into your prime. Bueno Camino.

 

[alexwalker]

 

[VNwalking]

Why do we label something essentially human in celestial terms?

Because these days the best of human nature seems to be drowning in a proliferation of unkindnesses.
Maybe I'm just acting my age, but the level of anger and spite in the world right now makes simple kindness seem like a deep blessing. At one point it would have been unremarkable. Sadly, that's not necessarily the case any more.

 

[jpflavin1]

Then I'm afraid there's still something left for you to learn from the Camino -- because apart from those of us who are genuinely eccentric and who were pretty much "outsiders" even before our first Camino, it's frankly a great mistake to try and relocate the basis of one's social existence onto the impermanence of the Way.

The Camino is in its essence a journey home, the long way 'round.

This is vital to understand, so as not to lose oneself there -- though it's an understanding that can easily be lost, particularly by those who need more than just the hiking.

If the Camino never ends, then it will never be truly resolved, and so its purpose will escape us, including unconsciously.

We should set forth with home as our purpose, and Compostela as the most important stop along the Way -- and it is extremely important IMO to do one's very best to make one's return from Santiago a meaningful journey in its own right.

JabbaPapa:

I might very well be misunderstanding your comments but have had these thoughts because of them.

Do not be afraid of having a lot left to learn. I do not know anyone who does not.

I believe environment is one of the most important factors in being able to learn, especially about oneself. Most of us go about our life trying to learn, improve ourselves in environments full of distractions. The Camino, imo, is one of those environments where one can actually be introspective. A place where one can sort out challenges/issues/direction in ones life because of the lack of distraction.

We can then take these learning's back into the environment in which we live and try to implement, a little at a time.

The great value in the Camino and certain other environments is that they remain for us to continue to return and grow personally.

Ultreya,
Joe

 

[NualaOC]

Because these days the best of human nature seems to be drowning in a proliferation of unkindnesses.
Maybe I'm just acting my age, but the level of anger and spite in the world right now makes simple kindness seem like a deep blessing. At one point it would have been unremarkable. Sadly, that's not necessarily the case any more.

That feels very true sometimes. But I think the kindness is still there - the nastiness is just a lot noisier at the moment.

 

[JabbaPapa]

Do not be afraid of having a lot left to learn. I can not even imagine anyone who does not.

 

[timr]

The Camino, imo, is one of those environments where one can actually be introspective. A place where one can sort out challenges/issues/direction in ones life because of the lack of distraction.

Agree absolutely. Two examples.

Finishing off the Primitivo earlier this year I met up with a sizeable group, maybe 50, of young school boys from Ireland, on a week's walk from Sarria. They were 'transition year' , which is a kind of 'gap year' within school, at the age of around 16. They were strong, lively, sporty and you could imagine their being noisy. [Theye were impeccably behaved.] They were travelling with a chaplain and several teachers. Talking to them, several identified the 'best part' of their walk as the half hour of walking together, in silence, at the beginning of each morning and again after lunch.
In June, I accompanied as chaplain a group of 20 or so people on a week's walking holiday in the English Lake District. The age group here was predominanlty 65+. We walked between 10k and 10 miles per day, carrying packed lunch, and stopping for Eucharist 'in the fields' along the way. We focussed our discussion on the ec0-encyclical of the Pope, Laudato Si'. Again the first half hour of each day was spent walking together, in silence.
Walking together, in silence, even in a large group, brings an added dimension, (which I find most easily walking alone). But walking along the crowded CF does not exclude this experience!

 

[Pamb]

I've had a hectic few weeks, mainly due to issues and challenges involving my elderly parents who live in another city. It's nice to be back home this morning, catching up on more mundane things. And as often happens during a stressful time, my thoughts wander to the Camino and I find myself planning or dreaming about a future walk (or two!).

Anyway, my reason for that preamble is that when I mention those plans or dreams to my family or to some of my friends, I get the blank looks or the questions about why I keep going back. I think we're all familiar with those questions, and there have been many discussions here about the 'draw' of the Camino.

While sitting this morning surrounded by boxes of Christmas decorations and many unfinished jobs around the house, I took a coffee break and enjoyed this little piece in the Irish Times. The writer, recently returned to Ireland from California, muses about our need for connection, noting that: It is something that is hardwired into us, as naked and fundamental a human need as food or water. She goes on to comment that: our society is being engineered to make those connections more elusive; we spend so much time staring down into other people’s best faces on our phones that we forget to stop and look into the unfiltered faces around us.

On reading this, it struck me how human connection is often at the heart of our Camino experiences and memories. Even on solitary or less-travelled journeys, we still experience meaningful encounters or unexpected acts of kindness. Those moments often sustain us or lift our mood on a difficult day. Might this also be part of the answer to the question of how we keep the Camino spirit alive when we get back home?

To quote the writer's concluding sentence: This week, do yourself a favour and find a stranger to talk to. Do it in person, not via a screen. You might even enjoy it.

I walked the Camino Frances in 2011 and 2014 and my thoughts constantly go back to those times: the walking, the scenery, the people and the new friends I made. This year I walked the Camino Ignaciano with 2 friends, but we only saw 2 others who were walking the route and we enjoyed a week or two with each of them. It made a real difference to how I view this last walk. Yes the scenery was amazing and I enjoyed the actually walking (despite a painful knee). But my mind does not revisit this camino because for me it is the people who make the camino. Looking forward to doing the Portuguese route in 2018.

 

[Deleted member 36903]

Although it is probably wiser never to say never about future intentions, I do not know if I will walk the Camino again. The first walk in 2015 from SJPDP to SDC changed my life in small but deeply profound ways, and it is that which prompts me to stay home for the foreseeable future and let what was learned, probably at an unconscious level, percolate through my being and my interactions with others. BUT the forum is something I treasure for keeping alive that daily - and yes, usually I visit the forum every day - contact with people who, for the most part, like and enjoy the company of their fellow human beings and regularly provide evidence of random acts of kindness. A member, whose name I forget, spoke about the forum being a virtual Camino, and this will suffice for me until,or if, I ever feel the call to walk to SDC again.

 

[Greg Petropoulos]

I realized while Camino hiking a rarely traveled trail in early Sept of this year, that I dearly missed "connection" with other Pilgrims. It was this "connection" with other Pilgrims, though I went solo, that made my Camino experience exhilarating and life affirming. Seeking solitude while hiking is one thing, among other Pilgrims, but being flat out alone is quite another. I quit that Sept Camino after three days of zero company, 40C+ heat helped make the decision to stop and take a train to Madrid and be a tourist for a few days before heading home.

Happy New Year, & Buen Camino!

 

[SabsP]

I realized while Camino hiking a rarely traveled trail in early Sept of this year, that I dearly missed "connection" with other Pilgrims. It was this "connection" with other Pilgrims, though I went solo, that made my Camino experience exhilarating and life affirming. Seeking solitude while hiking is one thing, among other Pilgrims, but being flat out alone is quite another. I quit that Sept Camino after three days of zero company, 40C+ heat helped make the decision to stop and take a train to Madrid and be a tourist for a few days before heading home.

Happy New Year, & Buen Camino!

I had the same with the very lonely route Camino del Ebro in pouring rain and deviations. So hopped on train to Logrono and continued on the Frances ( also in spring ). Nothing wrong with being a tourist for some days!