. I'm sober but still stuck spiritually. It's been ages since I prayed a rosary or gone to confession or communion.
I suggest you do breathing meditation. I don't know if you tried it, i suppose you did as a part of 12 steps...
My story is that I also was exhausted of my praying, but breathing meditation gave me a new life. I'm not kidding - after years of being spiritually dead, it returned me that childish ability of being whole and relishing in the moment, while accepting all the pain and the hard feelings being grown up and in complicated relationships inevitably brings...
Also, it slowly trains you to intercept urges and negative thoughts and to live fully in their presense.
What made the difference is lectures by someone called Tara Brach and her book Radical Acceptance. It's based on the Buddhist tradition, but on the parts that are by clinical experience, and I don't see any contradiction of it with being a Christian - I still visit church weekly, and pray sometimes, and I can tell that the quality and the focus of the prayer increased significantly since I've been sitting daily.
Somehow, for me this eastern tradition brings back spirituality to the religion, something I looked for a long time in my community and couldn't put the finger on.
Well, sorry for the many words, it was not connected to the premise of this thread, but maybe it can change someone's life the same way it changed mine.
P.S.There are several simple tricks I had to learn to make the meditation effective - like the pose of sitting and how to treat thoughts, if it's interesting to someone please reply and I can elaborate.
In 3 months we are going to our 2nd short camino - the "noob" Sarria-SdC route.
The previous one was a bit hard on us because my partner was not prepared for walking and I planned every stop from before so we had to struggle walking a pace of 2 km per hour for 10-12 hours per day to make it to the booked accomodation... not a fun way to do the camino...
But we learned and also it will be the first since I discovered the meditation, and I'm eager to see how it will work out.
I hope the way of your life will at some point intersect with the way of the camino...
Buen caminoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
))