walking in memories of past good times

[Deepforest]

I really like walking and have came home from the camino Portuguese this summer, having formed a big group of great friends. I have a week off at the end of the month and would love to walk a bit more in Spain. If I don't go it will Easter before I get another chance.

But, I had a very intense romance on camino that hasnt lasted on return home, and left some heartbreak. I'm worried I'll be walking through memories when I go.
At the moment with the sadness , Santiago , muxia and finesterre seem like very lonely places to be, full of memories of my times with my friend.

Does anyone else have this worry? I'm assuming camino romances happen a lot. I just couldn't imagine being in Santiago now, it's full of memories. I'm thinking I could walk somewhere else, maybe avoid Santiago till the sadness eases and memories fade.

Lots of well travelled people on this forum so I'm hoping somebody else knows how I'm feeling and could give some advice. I sure others have gone through this. I would really love to walk though and say hi to new people and have a nice cafe con Leche, might help me move past this sad patch. A camino section that's not too quiet.

I'm hoping I haven't spoilt the camino for myself. I also wonder if anyone else had to deal with this or am I just too sensitive?

Thanks for reading.

 

[OTH86]

Don't know about the Camino romance, but I'm a very firm believer in letting the Camino take care of you - wherever the circumstance.

 

[Barbara]

There is more than one Camino. Maybe walk the Inglese, or some of the Levante.

 

[Deepforest]

Don't know about the Camino romance, but I'm a very firm believer in letting the Camino take care of you - wherever the circumstance.

Interesting I arrive in Lisbon happy and content and returned home heartbroken. Still trying to figure out should I be learning something.

 

[KinkyOne]

I wasn't really heartbroken because of my Camino romance but I believe in "confrontation" between my thoughts/memories and real places. Not only regarding Camino, of course. It can be painful (usually it is, actually) to be again on the exact same spot where something good (or bad for that matter) happened which no longer exists but the confrontation eases the pain long term and get you closer to the solution.

I have walked a few Caminos and talked to a lot of people and heard a lot of similar stories. Many of them have met a "soul mate", but were kind of aware that Camino is another way of life and weren't so disappointed. I also know a couple or two who met on the Camino and stayed together (2 of them even owning albergues/bars) but that is so rare that what happened to you is of no exception. I know, not much of a help but that's how it is... People return to their ordinary lives.

Anyway it's hard to tell you anything really helpfull without knowing the complete situation and how your mind or at least memory of that romance works (no real need to explain that in public though), so I just offered my two cents.

Hope you are OK and will return to Camino someday. Or as our forum member likes to say: Buen Camino de la Vida!

 

[Kanga]

If you have walked the Portuguese, Finisterra and Muxia, there are still the Frances, Norte and Primitivo with the same companiable aspects, but for you not the memories.

 

[JennyH94]

Hi Deepforest -

I'm sorry to hear of your sadness over your romance - as it's only been a short time since you were on the Portuguese with your friend I imagine that your feelings of sadness and disappointment would still be quite fresh.

Now is the time to look after yourself - to nurture yourself - and to gently contemplate the circumstances of your experience of falling in love with your friend and why the romance didn't continue once you were home. There are always to be lessons learned in why a relationship hasn't worked out and if we can 'get' that lesson (sometimes it's due to circumstances entirely beyond our control and so we can't do anything about it, however much we'd like to; mostly it's not that easy and mostly it's painful) we are wiser and often better people for the lesson learned.

In time your sadness will soften - you'll remember the joy of the romance and give thanks that you experienced that joy.

Possibly it might be better to give yourself some time and some space before heading back to the area where you'd been with your friend. On a purely practical level the weather at the end of October is probably going to be getting chilly and particularly if you did finish your week's walking in Santiago, the colder (and maybe wet) weather there would exacerbate your feelings of loss - remembering how it was a few months before when things were different for you. Maybe you could do a week's walking at the beginning of the Le Puy route - being in France, and not Spain, that could have a completely different vibe for you and as it would be at the beginning of that route you could consider that it would be the beginning of another part of your Camino life.

Buen Camino Deepforest with whatever decisions you make - Take joy in every step.

Cheers - Jenny

 

[KinkyOne]

In time your sadness will soften - you'll remember the joy of the romance and give thanks that you experienced that joy.

Couldn't agree more!

 

[Whistling]

Something similar happend to me. I met someone who was very special to me. We stayed friends for 2 years, but in the end we agreed it was better to end that special relationship. I was heartbroken, and miss this special friend very much. Still do, and to be honest, I don't think that will realy change.
But this will never ever change my love for the Camino, or keep me from the places where those beautiful memories were made. Rather have loved and lost, than never have loved at all.
Buen Camino Deepforest!

 

[Deepforest]

Thanks whistling but I'm afraid id rather have avoided the sadness. Got final word today we won't be meeting in a few weeks as planned. Life just got in the way. I'm very sad. And now I'm wondering should I skip my Camino walk in a few weeks, as the memories are really hurting. This Camino really messed me up, I started in Lisbon happy and energised, and now I'm just quite sad. Sometimes the Camino gives things that really hurt.

 

[Whistling]

Thanks whistling but I'm afraid id rather have avoided the sadness. Got final word today we won't be meeting in a few weeks as planned. Life just got in the way. I'm very sad. And now I'm wondering should I skip my Camino walk in a few weeks, as the memories are really hurting. This Camino really messed me up, I started in Lisbon happy and energised, and now I'm just quite sad. Sometimes the Camino gives things that really hurt.

Give yourself time for healing Deepforest. It is only you who can decide what is best for you. Maybe you'd better go next year for another Camino. And this may seem rude, and you realy don't need answering, but is the reason why you want to go back so soon, you want to go back to that special feeling with that special friend? If that's true, you know you will feel sad for sure, and see her walking next to you everywhere.

 

[Deepforest]

I love walking, and I make lots of great friends on Camino. I miss not walking, so when we get breaks from work, I go. But the last time I saw a yellow arrow, I was really happy, with the best company in the world. I was thinking walking and meeting new people might take my mind of things. Anyway, I see her walking beside me all the time everywhere, anyway. But thanks for commenting, it's nice to read I'm not alone.

 

[JohnMcM]

Something similar happend to me. I met someone who was very special to me. We stayed friends for 2 years, but in the end we agreed it was better to end that special relationship. I was heartbroken, and miss this special friend very much. Still do, and to be honest, I don't think that will realy change.
But this will never ever change my love for the Camino, or keep me from the places where those beautiful memories were made. Rather have loved and lost, than never have loved at all.
Buen Camino Deepforest!

How beautiful.

 

[DurhamParish]

I have walked the Camino Frances (in two halves), and enjoyed it very much and have many special memories in places of people I met and experiences I enjoyed (none of them of a romantic nature though, since I am very happily married). I'm planning to walk the entire Camino Frances in March/April, and for the most part, I want to stay in different places than I did the first time. I do not want to try to re-create what happened the first time, I know that I will only disappoint myself. This has to be a new adventure with new experiences (albeit, on a familiar trail).

 

[Deepforest]

I'm very undecided about going in just over two weeks. I think only the Frances route will have albergues open in early November, and the other routes will be too quiet with little pilgrim traffic. Someone suggested a small walking holiday instead of the Camino as things are a little sad still. Not sure what to do. I thought a walk on the Camino might walk off some memories and help form new friendships.... I'm very unsure what it is the right thing to do.

 

[JanedS]

Deepforest, I had a similar experience on the Camino Frances. The love has lasted but we decided to no longer keep in contact for various reasons - I'm still very sad.
I took myself back to Santiago to walk to Finisterre & Muxia a couple of weeks ago - a walk we had planned together, but as it turned out, he couldn't come as planned. This special person filled every memory & was everywhere I looked. It was a really painful journey but it was also helpful for me - I went to a couple of very special places and spent time crying. I also left my old pair of boots (the ones I used when we walked our Camino Frances together) in a special place in Santiago before heading out on this new solo adventure. The walk itself was painful and, like you, I could see & feel him beside me every step of the way. However, by the end of my walk, on my return to Santiago, I found that I could go back to Monte de Gozo & retrace the last 6km of our walk together without tears - it was difficult but full of very special memories.
This person is still my first thought every morning & lives in my mind for most of the day - for me though, I wouldn't change a thing about our time together (except maybe ask for more time together) - I don't know that my heart will ever be able to truly let him go but I loved every minute spent with him & will cherish it to the end of my days.
Let your grief guide you - it will tell you whether going back to walk again is the right thing for you to do...
Buen Camino Deepforest

 

[Deepforest]

Janeds, this is a beautiful story, I can identify with you a lot. Thank you for sharing it with me. It means a lot.