Weird question regarding children I've encountered

[bluestsky]

I'm American and I knew before coming here I would hear 'La china' a lot as my mother is Chinese. But today I had children ask to touch my face and my eyes in particular and I didn't know how to respond. I was pretty much struck dumb. I don't want to be rude, but I honestly don't know how to react if it happens again.

What would you do?

 

[Tincatinker]

The curiosity, and honesty, of children is a wonderful thing. I'll assume these were small children rather than the pre-teen thuggi demanding "cadeaux", "Bic, Bic", "Baksheesh" that can be encountered in all corners of the world.

What you do is entirely up to you. Small children might be delighted and surprised to encounter, and touch, a person significantly different to their current experience. But then Spain is a multi-cultural country with a sizeable immigrant population. So you might conclude that they're just rude little buggers and tell them to "vamos".

 

[Rebekah Scott]

tell them they can touch your face, but only if they are gentle, and only if you can touch their faces as well. You are not an object. Maybe a bit of empathy will be passed on.

 

[karenfromcali]

My brother in law, when he was very young lived in Puerto Rico. He had very fair hair, almost white and apparently the locals always wanted to touch his hair! (He hated it!) Curiosity of what is different to them I guess. If it was me and as long as they were just little kids I would let them go ahead . It really depends on your own comfort level.

 

[Kiwi-family]

My husband's mother was Chinese - but at 6 foot 2, no-one ever thinks he is half Asian! He's been mistaken for a Turkish waiter in a restuarant we were patrons at, and many think he is Italian.....or part Maori! Despite his dark colouring we managed to have some kids who inherited my fair skin and blonde hair - when we were in China they were constantly touched and patted and picked up and photographed. AND the youngest one with brown hair coz she was just cute! Sometimes the boys would run away when they got fed up, but they didn't object to all the oranges and sweets they were given;-)


The Bund 5 by kiwi family, on Flickr

When in Rome...was our motto and we took to photographing whoever took photos of us!


Yangshuo 5 by kiwi family, on Flickr

 

[julie]

I had a similar experience many years ago. The children wanted to touch and then giggle and run away before coming back again to touch again. A smile and some kind words do wonders to let them know that difference is superficial. It's not better or worse, it's just different.

 

[MichaelB10398]

I think this is a time for both patience and compassion. Small children find wonder in the smallest things; from a unique cloud to a face with different eye shapes. It would be good if we could recapture that wonder a bit.

Follow your heart.

 

[piogaw]

I would not let it bother you. Small children are just curious about you. I am chinese by birth, my wife is celtic irish with pale white skin and blond hair, while my son has been mistaken constantly for an italian or spanish. When we went home to the old country, all the children were always trying to touch my wife's face and hair, also my son's face.

The children are not being impolite or rude. So don't feel you are being treated rudely or impolitely.

For your information, there are not many chinese doing the camino. I have been constantly mistaken for a japanese or korean, as they are the biggest contingents from asia. I don't feel insulted.

Buen camino.

 

[Canucks]

Had a server in a bar in Logroño ask to kiss my wife last night because he was astounded at us not wanting change back on what we gave him. He was helpful, pleasant, and forgiving of us butchering his language after a long hot walk so he deserved it!

 

[Sue M]

When I went to the zoo in Shenzhen I was mobbed by Chinese children wanting my autograph. Apparently I was much more interesting than the animals! In the villages, women came up to touch me. India was interesting. In Amritsar families all wanted to be photographed with me, which was funny because I'm used to living alongside Sikhs in England so it wasn't a novelty for me!

 

[StuartM]

I remember walking round a market in north-east Borneo and kids running up and touching my hand and running away again because I was attracting attention as I wasn't Asian. I'm not overly tall but I was still head and shoulders taller than most adults there.

Curiousity can be a bit tiring when it's you it's directed at you but it's also a great thing if you can separate it out from your situation. It can be too easily transmuted into jingoism and xenophobia simply by growing a few years older.

Even the most well intentioned people often don't realise how annoying (and often demeaning) naive curiousity can be though. I've travelled in some out of the way places but by a long way I found the hardest place to remain patient was when I lived in the US for a couple of years. On hearing my accent and learning I was Scottish I constantly had a stream of very often inane questions, such as "do you have electricity there?", "have you ever seen a microwave oven before?", etc., along those lines. Very often it is hard to remind yourself it is genuine curiousity and not insulting when these questions are coming from fairly well educated adults.

When you appear different in some way it is only to other people, to you you are just the same as everyone else and that's what makes it hard.

Sorry, I can't offer any practical advice other than to say I've also wondered what to do. Generally, if it's kids on their own I've played along as they're just having fun and learning something, if it's kids with their parents (particularly in a country like Spain which isn't an insular place) then the parents really should know better. If it's adults, smile politely and try your best to stay patient. Being as curious about the other culture as they are of you can be very helpful. I remember when I was about 26 or 27 spending a great day with some Maya people about the same age because I showed an interest in the Mayan way of life and culture. I got taken into the jungle on horseback, shown the places they hold sacred (and not the tourist parks), shared food with them all in return for being interested in how each other live.

 

[hecate105]

When much younger my husband and I had dreadlocks, people constantly came up to us asking to touch them. They were always convinced that we didn't wash our hair too - one of those urban myths! Just cos you don't brush it doesn't mean you don't wash it... Sometimes people were quite rude and it was tiring. Once an Irish lady was convinced my husband's hair was a wig and tried to pull it off his head!
If it isn't too repetitive maybe (as they're kids) say that you are half Chinese, half American and ask them if they know where China and America is - get them to call out stuff they know from each culture, then you can add to their education and cultural knowledge.
It is amazing that there are people very cloistered from what we think is a multi-cultural and open world - even in the UK I meet people who are actually so surprised when they see a black person that they tell you about it! I guess some people just never walk out of the valley they are born in...

 

[bluestsky]

Thank y'all for excellent advice. It's happened again since the first time (I think it's all those years of running a candy store; children are automatically drawn to me, ha!). I've taken to asking them if they are Leo Messi or maybe little monkeys, which always makes them laugh.

Now if only they weren't always eating candy or ice cream when they asked. Thank god for baby wipes!

 

[MendiWalker]

Kids are a blessing from Heaven and they normally act without malice.

Novelty always attracts people of all ages, it´s just kids who come out spontaneously and show it .

Buen Camino!

 

[Virginia McKee]

I remember walking round a market in north-east Borneo and kids running up and touching my hand and running away again because I was attracting attention as I wasn't Asian. I'm not overly tall but I was still head and shoulders taller than most adults there.

Curiousity can be a bit tiring when it's you it's directed at you but it's also a great thing if you can separate it out from your situation. It can be too easily transmuted into jingoism and xenophobia simply by growing a few years older.

Even the most well intentioned people often don't realise how annoying (and often demeaning) naive curiousity can be though. I've travelled in some out of the way places but by a long way I found the hardest place to remain patient was when I lived in the US for a couple of years. On hearing my accent and learning I was Scottish I constantly had a stream of very often inane questions, such as "do you have electricity there?", "have you ever seen a microwave oven before?", etc., along those lines. Very often it is hard to remind yourself it is genuine curiousity and not insulting when these questions are coming from fairly well educated adults.

When you appear different in some way it is only to other people, to you you are just the same as everyone else and that's what makes it hard.

Sorry, I can't offer any practical advice other than to say I've also wondered what to do. Generally, if it's kids on their own I've played along as they're just having fun and learning something, if it's kids with their parents (particularly in a country like Spain which isn't an insular place) then the parents really should know better. If it's adults, smile politely and try your best to stay patient. Being as curious about the other culture as they are of you can be very helpful. I remember when I was about 26 or 27 spending a great day with some Maya people about the same age because I showed an interest in the Mayan way of life and culture. I got taken into the jungle on horseback, shown the places they hold sacred (and not the tourist parks), shared food with them all in return for being interested in how each other live.

My mother-in-law, as an Australian whose father was working in Bahrain for an oil company was disgusted, when as a teenager, she could not convince the American women whose families were being posted to Australia that they would be able to but sanitary items and nappies in Australia and would not have to bring out a couple of years supply when they came here. Some people are not educated very much about other cultures which is very sad.
Mind you, there are shockingly rude and ignorant Australians too, not pretending there aren't and not pretending it's just Americans. I think it's that we expect more of people from cultures where there is a chance that they should be more aware of the broader world.