What issues arise when walking with a companion?

[Kanga]

Some questions are perennial and this is one. The thread started in 2011 and members have dipped in with contributions ever since, and really, they are all still valid today.

 

[RJM]

This is a good thread. While I have never walked the Camino(s) with a companion or even with a steady "Camino family" I have met pilgrims who started out with companions and became estranged from them along the walk, lol. They cited various reasons, mostly personality conflicts and interests as well as walking speed, distance expectations. I remember two young peregrinas who told me they started out with a male cousin but that he ended up being more interested in partying with some other pilgrims he met and they had not seen him for a couple of days lol.
I would say to any prospective pilgrims do not feel the absolute need to find a companion to walk with, or even more find a "Camino family" like in the movie (I have met pilgrims who told me they wanted that), lol. Just go with the flow, as they say.

 

[MikeJS]

I have walked with friends but now prefer to walk alone. Happy to share days with others, but as I generally walk further than other want to and am happy with just water during the day and very limited stops my way is not theirs. I walked my second camino with a long time friend and it was very awkward every morning as I would be ready to walk within 15/20 mins from waking up whereas he would take an hour or more…. We are still friends!

 

[Robo]

Sometimes these old threads make a really interesting read.

I note that I made 2 posts here, prior to my first Camino in 2015.

After that first Camino, my views changed!

It just shows that whilst we can plan all we like and 'imagine' what it will be like, we don't know until we have spent day after day on the Camino for real.

Prior to my first Camino I could not imagine walking without my soul mate.
Now I can

Extracts from my earlier posts in 2014.

What a fascinating thread. And some very wise counsel. I can see that we will have some serious 'communication planning' to do ahead of time

I can really see the joy and freedom one gets when walking alone. And to some extent I envy that. But quite honestly I cannot imagine walking without my 'soul mate' and sharing the experience. I'm sure through good communication and planning before we depart, we'll be fine.

Some great tips here. Many thanks to those who have shared.

After note: Whilst I cannot imagine making this journey without my 'soul mate' I am not naïve enough to think it will be a 'walk in the park' from a relationship perspective. Does anyone regret walking the Camino with their spouse?

All of the great things in our life, we experience and cope with together. So I think this needs to be the same.... But of course things could change

The Reality?

2015. I walked 40 days alone. (Pat could not join me due to family matters)
I loved it, and we spoke daily to check in on each other.

2016. We walked together, about 150 kms as a 'trial' for Pat to get a taste of the Camino.
It was good, but with a few challenges, that grew next time.

2018. 40 days together. It was good, but very challenging and we really 'fell out' a couple of times.

Would we walk together again? Probably not. Or if we do, there will be different 'ground rules'.
Pat is not so drawn to the Camino, so she doesn't feel the need for another one anyway.
Though fully supports my desire to walk more.

The Lessons? (which might provide thoughts for Newbie Pilgrims)

1. The Calling? Was not as strong in Pat. For me it was a deeply emotional and Spiritual journey. Not so much for Pat. With Pat, I felt I was just on a hike much of the time. Other things took priority.
2. Discomfort. We both carried injuries and Pat is quite tough in that regard. But I'm much more stubborn and will push on regardless.
3. Hygiene Factors. I'm happy to sleep anywhere really. I stay in modest accommodation, with a nice Hotel thrown in here and there. Pat likes to be more comfortable. So it made finding suitable accommodation a bit of a chore at times.
4. Meals. Same deal. I'll eat anything when hungry. For Pat it was more of a 'trip' than a Pilgrimage. So I needed to seek out a few better meal options here and there.
5. Pace. I walk at about 3.5 kph (including breaks) and Pat about 2.8 kph. I can't walk that slow. But she likes to keep plodding and I like more stops for photos etc. So that evens out a bit. Though I couldn't really take long breaks to shoot video, like I do alone. Particularly if cold or wet, as Pat would want to keep going.
6. Bathroom Breaks. Pat stops 10 times a day. I don't......
7. Social Aspects. I love to say Hi to fellow Pilgrims, and chat, if they want to. Pat likes to keep to herself.

I'd suggest that to set out (and finish) with a compatible Camino walking partner takes a bit of thought.
Compatibility in many different areas.
A great deal of give and take and tolerance.
And a fair smattering of luck.

Personally, as I have kind of known all along (for me), I don't think I would ever plan to walk with someone again. Not my wife, one of my kids or a best friend. And it's purely selfish I know.

As I said at the beginning.

For me a Camino is a deeply Emotional and Spiritual journey.
A walking meditation almost.
That solitude and freedom is what I seek.

With the occasional other Pilgrim thrown in of course.

The delight of meeting other Pilgrims along the way is that you might have a 2 minute conversation, a shared meal, even walk all day (or a few days) together. But then go your own ways. You don't have to worry about their welfare every day. Day after day.......

That's the freedom I love on the Camino.

For one who's whole life has been and still is, about caring for and serving others........

When on Camino I feel like Mel Gibson in the scene from Braveheart.

Maybe I should start each day on Camino with a shout of Freeeeeedom!!

Sorry, a bit of a ramble and an old and frequently brought up topic.
But an important one I think, for 1st time Pilgrims particularly.

Afternote.
For new comers to the Camino who maybe have not hiked much before.
Some of my items listed 1-7 above might sound trivial and petty.
But some context might help.
You have been walking day after day for 2 weeks.
You are tired, injured, grappling with your emotions, asking yourself why you are doing this.
Maybe you haven't had a good sleep for a couple of nights.
But you're holding it together, for now.
Only 8 kms to go for the day.
And then your walking companion comes out with............ (insert what you really don't want to hear right now)

And this might happen numerous times through the day and night.

 

[Camino Chrissy]

It just shows that whilst we can plan all we like and 'imagine' what it will be like, we don't know until we have spent day after day on the Camino for real.

@Robo, you don't know what it will be like on your next Camino either when you finally stay in some communal albergues day after day for the very first time.

 

[Robo]

@Robo, you don't know what it will be like on your next Camino either when you finally stay in some communal albergues day after day for the very first time.

Very true!
I'll try it though.
And if it doesn't work out.........I have options

I think if the Camino teaches us one thing, it's be flexible!
If your plans and expectations were unrealistic.........move to Plan B, C, D

 

[trecile]

I recently was talking with a friend who did the Portuguese Camino with her cousin and a friend. It sounds like one of them was tasked with being the "keeper of the Camino apps," and grew to resent the job. I think that perhaps she was the only one who knew how to use the apps, and/or whose phone was working properly.
This conversation led me to think that when walking with one or more other people that each person in the couple or group should be able to complete the Camino on their own - i.e., they should each have the knowledge and ability to read a map, determine how far they can walk in a day, know how to find albergues and book ahead if that's what they want to do. If they are using apps everyone should have them installed on their phones, and they need to make sure that their phones are functioning well.
You may want to divide tasks, but each member should be able to step in and take over someone else's job. Everyone should be able to take care of themselves if anything happens to their walking partners. And no one should be stuck doing all the heavy lifting.

 

[Robo]

I recently was talking with a friend who did the Portuguese Camino with her cousin and a friend. It sounds like one of them was tasked with being the "keeper of the Camino apps," and grew to resent the job. I think that perhaps she was the only one who knew how to use the apps, and/or whose phone was working properly.
This conversation led me to think that when walking with one or more other people that each person in the couple or group should be able to complete the Camino on their own - i.e., they should each have the knowledge and ability to read a map, determine how far they can walk in a day, know how to find albergues and book ahead if that's what they want to do. If they are using apps everyone should have them installed on their phones, and they need to make sure that their phones are functioning well.
You may want to divide tasks, but each member should be able to step in and take over someone else's job. Everyone should be able to take care of themselves if anything happens to their walking partners. And no one should be stuck doing all the heavy lifting.

Yes @trecile . That might be the key.
The Camino is a fairly unique journey.
As My Brierley points out, there is an Inner Journey and an Outer Journey.

For everyone to experience the inner journey in a group, requires a bit of independence.
As soon as someone is 'responsible' for the well being of others in some way, they give up part of the opportunity for that inner journey, in my view.

Pat and I have discussed this.
And if, that's a big IF, we walk together again.

She will take the opportunity to walk on her own during the day.
Will know where we are going.
Where we will meet.
And know how to raise the alarm if required, to me or local authorities.

Perhaps it's about being 'responsible' for your own Camino experience?

I'm trying to think of an example in everyday life, but I'm struggling to be honest.
We normally rely on others for so many things.

 

[David Tallan]

I've gone on Camino twice solo (1989 and 2018) and once with a companion (my teenage son, 2016). I prefer the latter. I was thinking a bit about this, after coming back to the thread with Robo's post above. And I think what it comes down to was a realization that hit me in that 2016 Camino. My Caminos are best when they are not about me.

That was my big epiphany from my 2016 Camino. The joy of helping others to succeed. You don't need to walk with a companion to experience this. It is the foundation of our pilgrim community and one of the most special things about the Camino. I love to share the joys of the Camino with those I care about. And for me, the recognition that a Camino doesn't have to be centred on me transforms many of the obstacles that others have reported in walking with companions into opportunities.

I know that the truism is that "everyone walks their own Camino" or, from a first-person standpoint "It's my Camino. Don't judge me." But my Caminos seem more rewarding when I am helping others walk their Caminos. And walking with a companion provides a lot of opportunity for that.