Frances alone or with boyfriend...

[caminoforme86]

When I really started thinking about doing the camino at the start of July I had planned to do it alone, but the more I have spoke about it with my boyfriend the more we are speaking about doing it together.

There is a few problems with this, he doesn't have the same 'want' to do the Camino as me, he is worried about having enough money to do the full Camino Frances.

To get from where I am in Scotland to St Jean Pied de Port the start out cost for each of us is just under 300 pounds.

We both have the end of October, whole of November and December free and I really dont want to miss this chance before I/we go back into full time employment. I am currently on a Gap year round mainland Europe and my boyfriend has just finished his Masters Degree. I think that this is too good a chance to pass up on.

I understand I cant force him to do this, that would only end in arguments along the way, I would be worried he didn't want to go as far one day, or money became too much of a worry for him therefore not enjoying the full experience. But I worry about the guilt I would feel if I go ahead and book this on my own.

I know we could plan for him to fly out and do the last 100km together? So this may be something to look into rather than him doing the full Camino with me.

Any one else been in this situation? Or can offer adcice?

Thanks

 

[nidarosa]

I walked the first half of the Frances with a friend and the rest on my own, but never alone. My friend was as committed as I was to do it, which I think is crucial for a journey like this. If you think he is not that committed, if you think - already! - that this could cause friction between you on the way, then maybe you should sit down and talk through the different options. You have your camino, he has his. This is not something you absolutely have to do together if doing so will make both your caminos full of worry and negative feelings. If he is less committed and doesn't want to spend that amount on a camino, he can join you further into the walk, if this is something he wants to do - or maybe it would be even better if he starts with you and is then free to go home when he feels it is right for him. Then he would know what he was leaving behind and maybe change his mind, and he'll know that you are safe and that you will be fine on your own. Or maybe he would get just as much from staying at home? I left my partner at home while I walked for six weeks, and absence can indeed make the heart fonder!

 

[Yallah]

Personally, I think walking alone is a great experience, very empowering to handle the challenge alone and freeing to not have to worry about any one else's schedule or needs. I think walking alone also helps one be more open to meeting new people. My boyfriend (now husband) and I walked separately a few days apart and met up to walk to Finisterre together. It was great to have the alone time to think and to walk entirely at my own pace. Maybe your boyfriend could meet you in Santiago at the end, eager to hear your stories and explore the city together?

 

[Deleted member 12253]

Alone, alone, alone

 

[caminoforme86]

Great advice already guys,

I think the need for me to do it alone is stronger than to do it together....quick summary of the last year...

I left to go on a Eurotrip last November 2012 that I had dreamed of sice I was 17 (Now turning 27 in August), My basic itinerary was start in Prague, do some other places in Czech Republic, Krakow, Budapest, Zagreb, Munich, Berlin, Hamburg, Amsterdam, Bruges Brussels, Paris and then home, I spent about two weeks in Czech Republic and then moved on to Krakow and spent about 5 days there, meeting up with other travellers that I met at hostels, and on one of the evenings out I met my boyfriend....we have now been together since the start of December 2012, and I spent a wonderful Christmas and New Year with his family and my trip plans to travel more came to a stop as the relationship progressed....I am not sure why, I could have easy continued on. But fear of the unknown stops me doing a alot of things, 'What if I carry on my trip and something changes' 'What if he cheats' 'What if my feelings change'......So for the last 8 months I have been living with him and taking weekend trips to places in Poland. I do have a trip booked for August to go to Bratislava and Budapest and I am not so much bothered that I have not continued on with the rest of my trip as this has been a wonderful experience and totally unplanned! I do not regret making the choice to stay here with him. I just know I need to do something that is fully for me only.

Our plan for the rest of the year was to return to my home country Scotland to do some work in October and then in November and Decemeber find work and plan what we will do with our future....do I move to Poland or does he move to Scotland.

But I was so taken in by the Camino when I heard about it last year, then watched The Way in February with my boyfriend and in July his auntie was talking about her trip on the Camino and something so strong just clicked that I 'MUST' do this for myself.

I feel that this month or slightly longer on my own would be a great challenge for me, to face my fears and see I am able to do something I want to do and on my own. Its horrible to say it but I think I would regret it if he came with me all of the way. He really wants to see Madrid being a huge Real Madrid fan so would be easier to meet there perhaps at the end of it and then we would be spending Christmas together with my family and they could hear all about my adventure....

 

[caminoforme86]

Alone, alone, alone

I have all my flights and trains organised....just need to click purchase.

My parents are coming over to visit me this weekend, and I want to tell them that this is not just another thing I am dreaming of, that everything is booked and it will happen! I would be so proud of myself, and a great end to a Gap Year before returning to 'the real world'

 

[soopi25]

Definitely alone!

I came to the Camino as a solo female but, as everyone will say, met a ton of wonderful people almost immediately. Among them several couples who tended to take meals and walk on their own than with the larger Camino family that does inevitably form. While they were all in sync and definitely enjoying their Camino, it was a different experience for them because they had to consider and plan for the needs/wants of two people rather than one (Where/what do you want to eat? It's late in the day, will the albergue have 2 beds available for us? I want to walk faster, but my partner needs to walk slower, etcetc). Not that this means it won't be enjoyable... just more factors that may stop you from really being able to let go and living in the moment.

I also met A LOT of people walking without their husbands, wives, boyfriends, or girlfriends. Some started with their partners, others were meeting them in Santiago. So if you're feeling bad or weird about having this experience just for yourself - don't!

The Camino is the best thing that I have ever done and I have never had a prouder moment than when I walked into Santiago and saw that cathedral in the morning light.

Buen Camino to you!! You will not regret it, no matter what!!!

 

[caminoforme86]

Definitely alone!

I came to the Camino as a solo female but, as everyone will say, met a ton of wonderful people almost immediately. Among them several couples who tended to take meals and walk on their own than with the larger Camino family that does inevitably form. While they were all in sync and definitely enjoying their Camino, it was a different experience for them because they had to consider and plan for the needs/wants of two people rather than one (Where/what do you want to eat? It's late in the day, will the albergue have 2 beds available for us? I want to walk faster, but my partner needs to walk slower, etcetc). Not that this means it won't be enjoyable... just more factors that may stop you from really being able to let go and living in the moment.

I also met A LOT of people walking without their husbands, wives, boyfriends, or girlfriends. Some started with their partners, others were meeting them in Santiago. So if you're feeling bad or weird about having this experience just for yourself - don't!

The Camino is the best thing that I have ever done and I have never had a prouder moment than when I walked into Santiago and saw that cathedral in the morning light.

Buen Camino to you!! You will not regret it, no matter what!!!

This is very inspiring to read,

I must add my boyfriend is in no way angry or upset if I choose to do this on my own, and we have discussed how he will feel afterwards and if he may regret not having done it. But I think he is happier with the idea of doing the last 100km with me, meeting me in Santiago, or meeting in Madrid afterwards before flying home to Scotland for Christmas.

 

[Aussie Cossie Tanya]

Do it alone... Twenty plus years ago a 18 yr old girl from way, way outback Australia ( who had never been to the big smoke) was in the same dilemma as you (yes it's me).. I went alone.. For five years I travelled the world and it was the single most important thing I ever did for myself. I travelled all over the back blocks of the worlds. I cannot describe the experiences I learnt. I got "lost" when I wanted too and I was only ever "alone" when I wanted too. I totally did my own thing and It set me up for life..Confidence, conversation, career, education, single mothering.. Just do it.. I promise those moments of doubt will get less and less and you will actually thrive in the unknown..have the very best of time. I am taking my 14yr old daughter over next year to Le Puy to SJPP just to inspire her and so she gets the confidence and hopefully love of travel. Have the best time


One foot forward....

 

[MKalcolm M]

Walking the Camino can be an intensely personal trip, or a wonderful shared experience, it really depends on who you are and what you both want from it. It will test you relationship and you will get insights into each other as to how compatible you are together when times are difficult, as well as the opportunity for lots of laughs and shared experiences. I started walking the Norte in May alone, but met and fell in love with a fellow pilgrim from Germany, we learned a great deal about ourselves and each other while walking, it was a life changing experience. Your boyfriend could start walking with you, on the understanding he is free to give up at any point and head home, or join you later on further along the route, it may be that he gets into it and wants to do it all with you. The secret of the camino is to be open to what ever happens or comes up for you. Good Luck!

 

[josephgabriel]

personally, from my experiences of pilgrimages, one is invited to do it, called if you will. If he is not wanting to go, I guess he's not called to go, or invited at this time. apparently you are, so my thoughts are simple, go, and pray for him during your camino, when your tired, and fatigued, etc. Buen Camino

 

[Vallentin44]

of course alone, why would you bring the wood to the forest?

 

[jimb01930]

LOL

I also advise alone. My wife and I walked together but we are a mature couple who long ago worked out issues of space and intimacy.Negotiating the space between you and him while negotiating the space of Camino could detract from both..

 

[caminoforme86]

Thank you all for your input and advice or previous experiences.

 

[Bundgaard]

I started in St. Jean with my girlfriend and we're currently 130km from Santiago. We're 23 and 24. I guess people who preach solitude are mainly people who have tried just that. I'm used to hiking. Either alone or with my mates. She has never been into it, but that's hardly the main issue. Going as couple is without a doubt a different experience than going alone. You might not be as susceptible to making new friends for life, or to joining a group of interesting people. You do however get to know your partner and the relationship that you have with him/her. This would be the main point of going together as I see it, and I guess that most people overlook this giant perk of going together. You do not lose the ability to live in the moment just because you're two. In the months you're going finding a place to stay won't be a problem at all. Also people speak of the challenge of going alone. What could be more challenging and rewarding, personally and for the relationship, than to take on your own issues whilst having to support and take care of your loved one at the same time!? Every journey is unique however, and there's no telling where yours wink take you. According to that I won't say that going as a couple is generally better than going alone. I will, however, say that going alone isn't generally better than going as a couple. Ask yourself what you want from the experience, cause the walking and the scenery are secondary purposes.

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[coldweather]

Alone. But, you will never be alone on the Camino Frances.

I completed the Camino Frances in June 2013. The biggest regret I saw was when people were walking with other people. There is the definite need to plan for 2 people – how far to walk, what time to leave, where to stop (or not), do you walk the same pace, etc.

The other situation I witnessed was when 1 pilgrim in the pair was injured or sick. How do you as a pair handle that situation? I met 2 young women who started in SJPDP. On the first day 1 woman got 13 blisters. She bought new shoes but that did not help. She “followed” her walking partner by bus for a few days. This was not a good plan for a 30+ day journey. Resentment and regret entered into their relationship.

Another situation I witnessed was when a new pilgrim joined a pilgrim who has been walking for weeks. There is some acclimation time required for all new pilgrims as they building walking strength and get into the routine (walk, find a bed, shower, wash clothes, find food, sleep). I witnessed this difference of experienced being a point of issue with some pilgrims. The new pilgrim tries hard but cramps the style of the experienced pilgrim. The experienced pilgrim often had to drop behind and got separated from their Camino family.

You have also mentioned that finances may be an issue for your boyfriend. I got sick 3 days away from Santiago. I had to take the bus into Santiago and stay in a pension. I was able to find an affordable pension but the cost was definitely more than an alburge (sp?).

Do you notice that the feedback on this forum is unanimous for going alone? When in life do you have a group of people completely agree. That is a strong message.

You have also mentioned that you have traveled solo before so you are experienced at finding transportation, accommodation and meals. You will be fine!

This is a great opportunity and I wish you much luck. The Camino is calling and will provide.
Peace. Buen Camino.

 

[nellpilgrim]

Maybe you could meet up with him in SDC to celebrate your arrival and then walk onto Finisterre/Fisterra together? It's a super 3 day walk/4 day saunter with a wonderful coastline at the end to view the sunset and take a little well earned R & R.
Bone route
N

 

[Bundgaard]

Coldweather. All the arguments for going alone is based on wanting to go alone. Wanting to go faster than the other. Wanting to be free of responsibility for another person. If these things are what keeps you going fine. Just don't act like it's the only way. In a relationship you have to make adjustments, you have to make sacrifices and you have to give part of yourself to your spouse. If you have found a person that you're willing to do those things for I'm your everyday life, why wouldn't you wanna do the same things for him/her on the Camino?


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[fortview]

Our situation was very different to yours.
Married for 31 years, lots of ups and downs, kids, jobs, not much time or money.
Walking the camino together was amazing

 

[Tia Valeria]

Hola, you have obviously already talked this through, but here is a link to a thread on Walking with a companion.

Terry's first time - I met him in Santiago as I wasn't able to walk that time. Then we tried a section together to test my walking abilities before we finally fulfilled our dream of walking together.

Only you and your boyfriend can decide the right way for you to join up/finish the Camino but 'alone' or 'together', whichever you decide, has to be right for both of you.
Buen Camino

 

[caminoforme86]

Hey, thanks again guys.

We have had a good few days to think about it, and I can understand both sides, I think for me I do feel like the Camino is calling to me alone, and my first initial feelings when I 'really' decided I wanted to do it for personal reasons and to allow myself to grow more as my own person I think I need to do this solo. Having him come along wouldn't be for the right reasons, it would be out of fear, of what I would be leaving behind. But this would be an ideal time for us both to do some searching for what each of us want.

As I said I am just shy of turning 27 and although I have got some solo experience of travel...(not much as was only a month into my trip when I met my boyfriend) we have not been apart since December 2012, perhaps in total 7 nights (only one or two nights at a time) at most while he has had to attend university in Krakow....so although I think we would be more than comfortable with how each of us would react on the Camino to difficulties I think this lies deeper for me. I feel I would almost feel I had failed myself if I didn't do it alone. Over the years I have made the mistake of going from one long term relationship to another, not saying it was a bad thing, I obviously thought that is what I wanted at the time, so it felt right. But you can't just ask someone to join you on something you want to do because you are scared of the unknown. And I have no doubt in my mind if I do this on my own it would make the relationship even better than it already is!

I definately think he will join me somewhere along the way...

 

[caminoforme86]

I started in St. Jean with my girlfriend and we're currently 130km from Santiago. We're 23 and 24. I guess people who preach solitude are mainly people who have tried just that. I'm used to hiking. Either alone or with my mates. She has never been into it, but that's hardly the main issue. Going as couple is without a doubt a different experience than going alone. You might not be as susceptible to making new friends for life, or to joining a group of interesting people. You do however get to know your partner and the relationship that you have with him/her. This would be the main point of going together as I see it, and I guess that most people overlook this giant perk of going together. You do not lose the ability to live in the moment just because you're two. In the months you're going finding a place to stay won't be a problem at all. Also people speak of the challenge of going alone. What could be more challenging and rewarding, personally and for the relationship, than to take on your own issues whilst having to support and take care of your loved one at the same time!? Every journey is unique however, and there's no telling where yours wink take you. According to that I won't say that going as a couple is generally better than going alone. I will, however, say that going alone isn't generally better than going as a couple. Ask yourself what you want from the experience, cause the walking and the scenery are secondary purposes.

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Hi Bundgaard,

How has your girlfriend been finding the walking? I am used to doing some long distance walking, but the Camino is worrying me slightly. I used to have my own dog walking business just before I left for my Eurotrip so could cover up to about 12 miles per day, previous to that was a nurse for 6 years so on my feet all day (different to walking I know!!). Since the start of July I've been trying to do about 6km every few days and I want to increase that to about 12km-18km in August. In September I want to add on the backpack and try about 18km a few days each week just to get a feel for it with the boots I will be using. As so hot in Poland right now am just using hiking sandals. But once back to Scotland I will get to try out my boots again. Previously wore them for the first 5 months of my Eurotrip and did a fair bit of walking in them and got the odd blister with the wollen socks. But how is she finding it? And also what sort of weight is she carrying in her pack? The pack I will be using is the one I bought for my Eurotrip, its heavier than I want it to be but fits really well and very comfortable. Its sitting at about 2.3kg empty.

November sounds a lifetime away right now but thinking how quick my gap year has gone since the start of November last year I know it will be here in no time at all.

Must be so exciting knowing you are only 130km away, do you plan to continue to Finisterre?

Buen Camino

 

[Bundgaard]

She has been doing surprisingly good. She is carrying about 8 or 9kgs(plus water), of which 1100grams are the pack. We did in fact only train once, doing 15km with packs, but she was in fair shape when we left. She isn't a super athlete, but does the usual spinning and bodypump. In the beginning(until just after Burgos) she wore boots that she had already broken in, but we had to get her some new sandals because of blisters from the boots. She has been using only the sandals since then and haven't had any trouble at all.

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[Bundgaard]

In fact we have both been surprised by the amount of physical challenge on the Camino that, while it shouldn't be neglected, was a lot smaller than we had expected. Age and normal physical activity are great factors of course, but neither me nor my girlfriend are overly sporty, and you're not that much older. The general advise, that I've seen a lot of people neglect along the way, is to listen to your body and handle situations early on. Don't wait for your knees to hurt before you take a break. Don't wait for blisters to develop before you treat your feet. Like in all other healthcare prophylaxis is king. Live by that and you should be fine. ;-)

We plan to go to the coast by bus

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[caminoforme86]

Excellent sounds like you are both doing fantastic.

How did you find the first day over the Pyrenees? Thats probably my main worry for the trip. Yeah I am thinking about taking my hiking sandals with me along with boots just to give my feet a break every now and then.

Good luck with the rest of your Camino

 

[Bundgaard]

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[Bundgaard]

The first day was long and challenging indeed. It was, however, also very exciting and beautiful. You have completely fresh legs and a strong anticipation, curiosity and desire to get started. All of which counters the hardship of the stage. I wouldn't worry too much. Just be sure to get up so you have a good 7 or 8 hours for walking ;-)

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[Hbee]

You are never alone on the Camino. I did mine last September, my son decided to come along, but because he is so much younger and faster we only saw each other along the route during the day and stayed in the same albergues at night. It was nice having him there but we each had our own camino friends.
My boyfriend does not like long distance walking so the choice to go without him was easy. I think Camino is a very personal experience and next time I will go by myself again.
Hana
(PS: I have a lovely collections of postcard I sent to boyfriend every day and emails that are now a journal of the Camino. Definitely positive aspect of going alone.)

 

[Louise2013]

Hi

Boyfriend or alone um........follow your gut instinct! There is no right or wrong answer just different lessons to be learnt along the way

However on getting to SJPP from Scotland, £300 seems a bit expensive..... I am starting in about a month and I appreciate flights are involved but I found my cheapest way was

Glasgow to London Stanstead - easyjet
London Stansted - Biarrtiz - ryanair

website http://www.skyscanner.com is a good way of checking flight prices dates etc especially if you are flexible. Just make sure you build yourself a bit of time inbetween connections.

Travel around scotland use Scottishcitylink website. If you book travel in advance you can get tickets for £1 - wonderful savings eg another trip Glasgow to Perth to Glasgow to Skye to Glasgow to Perth all for £17.00

Biarrtz to SJPP depending on what time you get in I believe there are trains..more info on another thread somewhere.

Hope this helps and brings your costs down. Have fun.

Louise

 

[caminoforme86]

Hi

Boyfriend or alone um........follow your gut instinct! There is no right or wrong answer just different lessons to be learnt along the way

However on getting to SJPP from Scotland, £300 seems a bit expensive..... I am starting in about a month and I appreciate flights are involved but I found my cheapest way was

Glasgow to London Stanstead - easyjet
London Stansted - Biarrtiz - ryanair

website http://www.skyscanner.com is a good way of checking flight prices dates etc especially if you are flexible. Just make sure you build yourself a bit of time inbetween connections.

Travel around scotland use Scottishcitylink website. If you book travel in advance you can get tickets for £1 - wonderful savings eg another trip Glasgow to Perth to Glasgow to Skye to Glasgow to Perth all for £17.00

Biarrtz to SJPP depending on what time you get in I believe there are trains..more info on another thread somewhere.

Hope this helps and brings your costs down. Have fun.

Louise

Hi Louise,

Thanks for your reply, I've just put another post up to say I've booked it! In the end we decided that it would be best for me to go it alone and see where it takes me/us, and where we will decide to meet along the way.

I've decided to fly from Glasgow to Paris, we are going to spend two nights in Paris and then I am going to travel from Paris to Bayonne alone and then Bayonne to St Jean Pied de Port. So that cost that I rang up originally was for us to have two days in Paris and also two in St Jean Pied de Port, was coming in more at 200 pounds but with food and sightseeing we rounded it up. But we are happy now with our plans.

I am hoping he will agree to come and do the last 100km or at least I will meet him in Santiago and from there go to Madrid and if money holds out Barcelona...from there back to Scotland to my family for Christmas seeing as I was away for it last year!

Are you going it alone?

K

 

[Deleted member 3000]

Congrats on deciding!

 

[Olivares]

....and WHY, OH WHY were you even worried about what was he doing? :roll:

There is a level of allowed selfishness when you decide to walk the Camino....it needs to be and this is why...it is YOUR Camino even before you step a foot on it. You both can plan, you can rejoice, you can share, but it is YOUR Camino. NOTHING that is meant to be is complicated-- if HIS Camino was complicated, it clarly meant it was not his time.

Have fun! Buen Camino!!

 

[Bundgaard]

Yes. If something is complicated or hard to do it's not worth doing.

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[clearskiescamino]

Re: Re: Frances alone or with boyfriend...

Alone, alone, alone

This made me smile lol
I agree with the galway man
I've always walked alone, much better experience.

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[Bundgaard]

Re: Re: Re: Frances alone or with boyfriend...

I've always walked alone

Seems like a solid basis for comparing the two options...

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[caminoforme86]

....and WHY, OH WHY were you even worried about what was he doing? :roll:


No Idea, I dont remember writing that I was worried what he would be doing. But you are right worrying about the unknown is really stupid isnt it!! Deep rooted worries from previous relationships I guess, its been fun spending all this time together but its not normal! I understand the need to do things for ourself.

I've previously put things on hold, (A trip round Europe when I was 21) cancelled them (application to medical school) and just given up because of relationships. Why.... only I would know but dont!! Its by far my worst trait.....insecure, needy and fearful of what might happen if am not there.....Putting my body through anxiety and stress that is wasted energy.

But this year I've already proved to myself how strong I really am. I have achieved more than I ever thought I could. Left a very good job in the NHS as a nurse that made me unhappy, everyone thougth I was silly to give it up. Set up my own dog walking business, left the comfort of routine and set off into the unknown on my trip.

The camino would...sorry WILL be my biggest challenge yet, (I am not just doing this for a challenge, there is something about it that just feels I have to do this) I am not doing this for anyone else or to prove anything to anyone but myself. Not just to prove that I am capable of just being 'me' its much more than that I am not even sure I can put it into words. Again it just feels right.



You are all right, its calling me.

 

[Daxzentzu]

I too have been working through a dilemma such as this.

The outcome is that my first pilgrimage will be solo.

The key to this decision was my realisation of a fear that it would be too much for me to make a million steps (walking 500 miles) unless I was totally focussed on the pilgrimage and to be able to absorb all the lessons of the camino without distraction.

My concern was simple - did I have the confidence in my own ability, physically and spiritually to do all that and maybe for my companion, who I would wish to support if the need arose.

I was found to be wanting.

And I have grappled with the flip side of this too - what if I became the person needing the support and I couldn't wear the responsibility of that.

Solo is the right option for my first time!

The Way will educate me, I trust!

Dax

 

[ZenPeregrino]

I walked SJPdP to Triacastela alone and my wife + kids joined for the remainder to SdC. This turned out to be just about perfect - for me and for them. Two very different experiences, and I would regret missing out on either.

 

[bmj91]

“Your 20’s are your ‘selfish’ years. It’s a decade to immerse yourself in every single thing possible. Be selfish with your time, and all the aspects of you. Tinker with shit, travel, explore, love a lot, love a little, and never touch the ground.”

I just returned a month ago from the camino, I was 21(just turned 22) and solo. This quote is what I am trying to live this decade of my life by. Go alone, you will have a much greater experience. Best of luck

 

[AshaDasi]

Have a fabulous trip. Its will be the best thing you've ever done.

 

[Say Simba]

Should you walk the Camino de Santiago Frances alone or with your boyfriend?

Do you have a moment or two? I mean, can we talk?

My path was an experience in patience and perseverance on my part when it comes to walking the Camino de Santiago with my partner and girlfriend. I would say she was more mad at me than not, or, not talking with me at all for hours at a time for the first half of the Camino. Yet, would I change anything? No. We made it. I believe it was a true trial for us. There were a couple of times where I literally got up in the morning early, packed, and walked out of the albergue by myself.

I met people along the way as couples at the beginning, that by the middle or the end were no longer together. Should they have walked the Camino? Who can say? I believe they still should have, because it only proved that perhaps they were not in the end meant to be together.

Then, I know people who met on the Camino. Surely, if still together, they would say it was a great experience.

In the end, you will find that going on the Camino will present challenges that will surprise you in how they effect the dynamics of your relationship. Many will be positive and even absolutely hilarious. Others may very well leave you questioning why you tolerate this person.

Buen Camino!

 

[caminoforme86]

Hey Say Simba,

Thanks for your input, we decided in the end that I should do my Camino alone. I've no doubt if we decided to do it together we would have quite an amazing experience together.

Interesting to hear that some couples were not together in the end. I am somewhat prepared for some of the issues the Camino will through at me and how I may want to carry on planning future pilgrim journeys.

The plan right now is that he will come and meet me either in Santiago or we will meet in Madrid.

 

[Say Simba]

Hey Say Simba,

Thanks for your input, we decided in the end that I should do my Camino alone. I've no doubt if we decided to do it together we would have quite an amazing experience together.

Interesting to hear that some couples were not together in the end. I am somewhat prepared for some of the issues the Camino will through at me and how I may want to carry on planning future pilgrim journeys.

The plan right now is that he will come and meet me either in Santiago or we will meet in Madrid.

I envy your going. I look forward to the day when I can walk it again. Whatever you do, be in every moment. Be in every moment.

Buen Camino!

 

[obinjatoo@yahoo.com]

It seems to me that if you are conflicted then I would say you may have bigger issues... Walk the Camino alone and the rest will sort itself out...Do not allow someone else's agenda to trip you up....
Good Luck
R-

 

[Helen Burns]

Alone alone yes. Wow your question has stimulated a LOT of response. I desperately wanted/needed to walk the Camino and my partner didn't. I wanted him to come but I also wanted to walk alone - if that makes any sense. In the end he stayed at home. I have never felt so much gratitude for the opportunity to spend thirty days walking with my shadow, into my shadow and out the other side. Literally and metaphorically. And the message I received many times? The real Camino begins at home. Our relationship was challenged on my return - I was no longer half a relationship. I was a whole person in a relationship. Several years later we walked together some of the Way in France ... well I walked and he hitched, took trains and buses in between small spurts of walking. Sometimes we hitched together. It was all over the place and not at all what I anticipated. Nevertheless those weeks had their own kind of charm as well as challenges. Life dishes out in mysterious ways. Life is short too. Alone alone yes, at least for the first time.
Buen Camino

 

[NoorvanderVeen]

I guess people who preach solitude are mainly people who have tried just that.

I get the same feeling from the replies here. I have walked from St. Jean with my boyfriend and we had an absolutely wonderful time. We also met tons of camino friends, some people we still speak to and even meet. Sharing the camino has brought us closer together.

However, if you're feeling like you need some time alone on the camino, go on your own. I think you already know what is the right way for you. My point being that both ways of going will be good, and that going together doesn't necessarily mean that the camino will not be a great experience, but that if you feel that the camino is calling YOU because you are strong enough (on your own), you need to do it alone.

 

[caminoforme86]

Alone alone yes. Wow your question has stimulated a LOT of response. I desperately wanted/needed to walk the Camino and my partner didn't. I wanted him to come but I also wanted to walk alone - if that makes any sense. In the end he stayed at home. I have never felt so much gratitude for the opportunity to spend thirty days walking with my shadow, into my shadow and out the other side. Literally and metaphorically. And the message I received many times? The real Camino begins at home. Our relationship was challenged on my return - I was no longer half a relationship. I was a whole person in a relationship. Several years later we walked together some of the Way in France ... well I walked and he hitched, took trains and buses in between small spurts of walking. Sometimes we hitched together. It was all over the place and not at all what I anticipated. Nevertheless those weeks had their own kind of charm as well as challenges. Life dishes out in mysterious ways. Life is short too. Alone alone yes, at least for the first time.
Buen Camino

Thanks Helen for your reply,

Dropped it into conversation tonight with my Mum that this is what I am doing in November and that my flight and train to SJPDP is booked, she can't understand why I would want to go and do a thing like this. They are coming to visit me this weekend in Kraków and hopefully will be able to explain to them more why I want and need to do this. My life has had many bumps along the way as an adult, jumping from school straigh to uni, and then to full time job, I just wasn't happy. And from being how I am in a relationship, its not healthy, I would never ever have even planned to do something like this while in a relationship, I just didn't feel strong enough to be on my own. So the fact that I have booked this shows some maturity on my part I think. Or maybe I am just more relaxed in this relationship.

Can you explain more about returing feeling like a whole person rather than a half? As I think I understood it and took it to mean how I feel a litte. Did this make your relationship stronger do you believe because you had done this on your own?

Part of me still can't quite believe that I have booked it, I have no idea how long this will take me and I plan on walking to 'the worlds end' also. I just hope that I can continue to believe in my strength to ensure that I do this.

Thanks
K

 

[PMSLAW]

My wife and I walked the Camino Frances this last April/May. Our original intent had been to walk it together. As things turned out, illness forced her off the Camino for about 10 days. I found that I valued both the experience of sharing the Camino with her and the solo days. We will walk the Camino again, and probably plan joint and solo portions.
The Camino provided me new insights into our life together. On the 5th day out of SJPdP I wrote:
Day 5. A Good Marriage.
My Wife and I share a good marriage. She is a good person, I will not self proclaim my own character. A good marriage is not dependant upon whether or not the partners are good people, but rather upon the people being good partners. In this I am doubly blessed to have married a good person who is a good partner. This June we will take our marriage off of the shelf, admire and polish it for the 36th time.
We do not cast responsibility upon each other for our individual happiness, but we do find our relationship is a source of happiness. It is also a place where we find support in the others strengths and talents,... Refuge from our own weaknesses and shortcomings. One can not seek such support or refuge if there is fear of criticism or Judgment. Like I said, ours is a good marriage.
Many Pilgrims (Perigrinos) walk the Camino alone in order to examine their thoughts without distraction. With a good Partner one can better know one's thoughts by dialogue, two heads are indeed better than one! However, this is so only when there is absolute trust that the exchanges are free from criticism and Judgement.
In our "real" life, this depth of sharing is challenged by the daily distractions of work, finances, current events, and all of those things that comprise the background noise of life. I find that we shared today without the burdens of such distractions, we found strength and support, physical and emotional, in our partnership... that is LIVING. Have I said that I have a good Marriage?
Because I LIVED with my Wife today, I will admire our marriage just a bit longer and polish it with a bit more care before placing it back on the shelf for the 37th time.