Honoring the Memory of a Loved One: Walking the Camino

[Ricksantiago20]

In May I am planning (for the 2nd time. 1st time fell through in 2020) to walk the Camino Frances in memory of my 17 year old daughter who was killed in a car accident back in March 2022. She wanted to come walk at least part of it, but it was not to be. I plan to have close family (Mom, sister, grandparents) write something on small flat rocks that I could leave at the Cruz de Ferro. She loved roses so I'm not sure if I can take dried rose petals with me to scatter at certain locations along the camino. I had read that it might be possible to have my daughter's name added to my compostela. Is this correct? I know I'll also be attending as many masses as possibel along the way and lighting candles for her on my journey. Does anyone have any other ideas of what a person could do who is walking the Camino for a deceased loved one? Can a mass be offered for her in Santiago?

 

[Bradypus]

I had read that it might be possible to have my daughter's name added to my compostela. Is this correct?

This is correct. The Compostela is issued in your name but you can have the words "vicarie pro......" with your daughter's name added to it. Make sure that the pilgrim office know about your request before they complete the Compostela.

 

[Ricksantiago20]

Great. Thank you

 

[K_Lynn]

In May I am planning (for the 2nd time. 1st time fell through in 2020) to walk the Camino Frances in memory of my 17 year old daughter who was killed in a car accident back in March 2022. She wanted to come walk at least part of it, but it was not to be. I plan to have close family (Mom, sister, grandparents) write something on small flat rocks that I could leave at the Cruz de Ferro. She loved roses so I'm not sure if I can take dried rose petals with me to scatter at certain locations along the camino. I had read that it might be possible to have my daughter's name added to my compostela. Is this correct? I know I'll also be attending as many masses as possibel along the way and lighting candles for her on my journey. Does anyone have any other ideas of what a person could do who is walking the Camino for a deceased loved one? Can a mass be offered for her in Santiago?

I am very sorry for your loss. You could pick up roses or rose petals at florists in the cities you pass through, I think that would be better than bringing them from home.

 

[Ricksantiago20]

Thank you. I thought about that. I guess I could easily pick some up in Madrid or larger cities up north. The reason I mentioned taking them was because our daughter saved all of her roses and she has so many dried petals she kept in her room. Just not sure if they could be taken into the country since they are an agricultural product.

 

[Tincatinker]

Thank you. I thought about that. I guess I could easily pick some up in Madrid or larger cities up north. The reason I mentioned taking them was because our daughter saved all of her roses and she has so many dried petals she kept in her room. Just not sure if they could be taken into the country since they are an agricultural product.

You would require a phytosanitary certificate to bring them into the EC lawfully. How achievable that would be might be worth a conversation with your local authority. All that is required is certification that the material is free of certain plant pests and pathogens.
I would like to think that your story might help disrupt standard procedures.
Buen Camino

 

[Ricksantiago20]

Thank you for the information.

 

[Camino Chrissy]

@Ricksantiago20, I am so very sorry to read of the loss of your daughter.
I have lost my sister, a brother-in-law, and a sister-in-law in the last few years and when on the Camino when I stop in at churches I occasionally light candles in their memory. It's mostly for my own personal benefit to reflect solemnly for a few minutes on their lives, and it is a comforting thought in spite of not being a Roman Catholic.
Here I am on the Via Francigena this past October. The interesting "tree" was the first I'd ever noticed or seen before.

 

[Rebekah Scott]

I don't think you will have any trouble bringing a bagful of dried rose petals into Spain. They aren't "agricultural products." There is nothing to germinate. (bringing them into USA would be another matter!)
I walked a Camino for a loved-one who'd died in an accident. It was the most meaningful pilgrimage I ever did, because of that clear purpose.
Don't limit your remembrances to churches or particular sites. The Camino is a holy place all along its length. Let your heart wander. Pray for her, the legacy she's left in the world, and all the people whose lives she touched -- even if you don't know how to pray. The healing is profound.
The Camino is an infrastructure for prayer. This is what it was made for. You're coming to the right place, for all the right reasons.

 

[malingerer]

In May I am planning (for the 2nd time. 1st time fell through in 2020) to walk the Camino Frances in memory of my 17 year old daughter who was killed in a car accident back in March 2022. She wanted to come walk at least part of it, but it was not to be. I plan to have close family (Mom, sister, grandparents) write something on small flat rocks that I could leave at the Cruz de Ferro. She loved roses so I'm not sure if I can take dried rose petals with me to scatter at certain locations along the camino. I had read that it might be possible to have my daughter's name added to my compostela. Is this correct? I know I'll also be attending as many masses as possibel along the way and lighting candles for her on my journey. Does anyone have any other ideas of what a person could do who is walking the Camino for a deceased loved one? Can a mass be offered for her in Santiago?

Do what your heart tells you. I have been there.

Buen Camino.

Samarkand.

 

[Ricksantiago20]

@Ricksantiago20, I am so very sorry to read of the loss of your daughter.
I have lost my sister, a brother-in-law, and a sister-in-law in the last few years and when on the Camino when I stop in at churches I occasionally light candles in their memory. It's mostly for my own personal benefit to reflect solemnly for a few minutes on their lives, and it is a comforting thought in spite of not being a Roman Catholic.
Here I am on the Via Francigena this past October. The interesting "tree" was the first I'd ever noticed or seen before.
View attachment 139439

Thank you. I know I'll be praying a lot for her and definately lighting candles in the churches and chapels along the way. I too am sorry to hear of the loss of your sister and other close family members.

 

[henrythedog]

Thank you. I know I'll be praying a lot for her and definately lighting candles in the churches and chapels along the way. I too am sorry to hear of the loss of your sister and other close family members.

I’m sorry for your loss.

Pack the petals and it’ll be fine. Better not to ask the question though.

Bradypus (above) is entirely correct.

I hope you find peace.

 

[Peregrinopaul]

…Can a mass be offered for her in Santiago?

I requested a mass for my deceased brother by going to the sacristy door at the cathedral. I gave one of the the priests an envelope with the name, RIP, and an offering, as is customary. But I was not told where and when the mass would be, complicated by my lack of Spanish. In retrospect, it might have been more personal to go to one of the English-speaking confessionals to do this. A priest I encountered there was from the Benedtictine monastery. Before the rite, he was very friendly and willing to chat about my personal journey.

 

[Marbe2]

I don't think you will have any trouble bringing a bagful of dried rose petals into Spain. They aren't "agricultural products." There is nothing to germinate. (bringing them into USA would be another matter!)
I walked a Camino for a loved-one who'd died in an accident. It was the most meaningful pilgrimage I ever did, because of that clear purpose.
Don't limit your remembrances to churches or particular sites. The Camino is a holy place all along its length. Let your heart wander. Pray for her, the legacy she's left in the world, and all the people whose lives she touched -- even if you don't know how to pray. The healing is profound.
The Camino is an infrastructure for prayer. This is what it was made for. You're coming to the right place, for all the right reasons.

We dedicated our Camino last May to a very sick friend, Phyllis, and her name was added to my certificate, which we send on to Chicago when we returned home. Walking for her made our camino even more meaningful. We were richer for it!

 

[Flatlander]

@Ricksantiago20
My condolences for your loss. Losing a daughter seems so against the natural order and must be so difficult to deal with.
I wish you a wonderful, peaceful Camino.

However, a recent post (that echoed my own experience) demonstrates the perils on focusing too much on one process or on one place.

Does anyone have any other ideas of what a person could do who is walking the Camino for a deceased loved one?

I'd suggest that it matters far, far less what anonymous, albeit well-meaning strangers on this forum suggest than what you feel in your heart and discover along your journey.

Away from your "normal" life, in a whole new environment, travelling in the same direction as a winding, wandering and wondering humanity you may be surprised at where your mind and heart takes you, the comfort to be found and shared.
I'd fear that too many questions like "What should I be doing?) might interfere in that process.

Maybe better to ask what would your daughter have enjoyed? Where would she have visited? What would she have eaten or drank? What would she have thought about various people you'll meet? What tacky t-shirt would she have bought in Santiago?
We can't answer those questions. But you can and those closest to her can. Those chats, before during and after your Camino could be helpful.

Perhaps you'll find some inspiration in a relatively new book, Timmy Mallet's (UK TV presenter) "Utterly Brilliant: My Life's Journey" an autobiography based around a (bike) Camino in honour of his dead brother. He has left tokens for his brother all along his route.

I have taken great comfort in a stone placed in different places so that a relative who never got to visit these places got to share in my journey. A photograph of "their" view is worth a lot to me. The location isn't always beautiful, but it's something that they would have appreciated.

There are no rules (except for the Compostela). Walk your own and your daughter's Camino.

Buen Camino

 

[Harland2019]

Although not religious I did feel the emotion of the Cruz de Ferro when, despite my "non-belief", in my mind I read the pilgrim's prayer:- "Lord, may this stone, a symbol of my efforts on the pilgrimage that I lay at the feet of the cross of the Saviour, one day weigh the balance in favour of my good deeds when the deeds of my life are judged. Let it be so”. Additionally whilst there, I thought about past family members and those who were currently having issues. Quite a special place for me.
Not to be lighthearted but I also found that sitting by myself with a beer in the sun after a long day and thinking about past family members was enjoyable/pleasurable rather than sad.

 

[naplesdon]

Been there, done that for the past 11 years since my daughter committed suicide 2010. I have walked in her memory for years. She and I had actually been on the Camino together in 2010 discussing walking it the following year. RIP, my dear Katie.
Some advice is: don't scatter ashes in the churches. That is not cool. I carry a small urn with her ashes with me and got a very dismissive shake of the head from a priest at Mass when I carried the urn to the Communion in SdC hoping for a blessing.
I think the prayer idea is fraught with arcane church doctrines; suicide and cremation not withstanding.

 

[Rmarkob]

This is correct. The Compostela is issued in your name but you can have the words "vicarie pro......" with your daughter's name added to it. Make sure that the pilgrim office know about your request before they complete the Compostela.

Exactly. The day I reached the halfway point at Sahagun, I learned that a cousin who was the same age as me (67) had died. I immediately dedicated the rest of my Camino to him and mentioned that to the volunteer when I went for my Compostela. I found it odd that while my name was rendered in Latin, his name after the "vicarie pro" was not. After returning home I framed the Compostela and gave it to his 94 yr old mother, who is also my Godmother.

 

[Peregrinopaul]

Been there, done that for the past 11 years...

Requiescat in pace.

 

[Rick Chollett]

In May I am planning (for the 2nd time. 1st time fell through in 2020) to walk the Camino Frances in memory of my 17 year old daughter who was killed in a car accident back in March 2022. She wanted to come walk at least part of it, but it was not to be. I plan to have close family (Mom, sister, grandparents) write something on small flat rocks that I could leave at the Cruz de Ferro. She loved roses so I'm not sure if I can take dried rose petals with me to scatter at certain locations along the camino. I had read that it might be possible to have my daughter's name added to my compostela. Is this correct? I know I'll also be attending as many masses as possibel along the way and lighting candles for her on my journey. Does anyone have any other ideas of what a person could do who is walking the Camino for a deceased loved one? Can a mass be offered for her in Santiago?

I walked it in 2018 for my daughter who passed away in 2015. I carried a token of hers and left it on the altar. I too lit candles along the Way and when I was in Rome.

 

[Flory]

Hi. I am sorry for your loss. I am walking the north in stages for my godchild who passed away. I put here name next to mine on my pelgrims paspoort so we check in every day together. I wish you a beautiful journey. Keep your hart open and you will know what to do.

 

[Grousedoctor]

In addition to getting the vicarie pro for my father-in-law, we also carried a credencial for him. I can’t tell you how well received this was everywhere we got sellos of ourselves. For us, it was like having my wife’s father with us at every albergue, in every cafe/bar for a café con leche or a plate of pulpo, and in the numerous churches we visited. The volunteer at the Pilgrim’s Office in Santiago kindly gave his credencial the final sello just like ours for having completed the journey.

 

[CanadianBarb]

@Ricksantiago20, I am so very sorry to read of the loss of your daughter.
I have lost my sister, a brother-in-law, and a sister-in-law in the last few years and when on the Camino when I stop in at churches I occasionally light candles in their memory. It's mostly for my own personal benefit to reflect solemnly for a few minutes on their lives, and it is a comforting thought in spite of not being a Roman Catholic.
Here I am on the Via Francigena this past October. The interesting "tree" was the first I'd ever noticed or seen before.
View attachment 139439

I work in Palliative Care and did this often and it was very meaningful for me. Ultreia!

 

[darealdeal77]

In May I am planning (for the 2nd time. 1st time fell through in 2020) to walk the Camino Frances in memory of my 17 year old daughter who was killed in a car accident back in March 2022. She wanted to come walk at least part of it, but it was not to be. I plan to have close family (Mom, sister, grandparents) write something on small flat rocks that I could leave at the Cruz de Ferro. She loved roses so I'm not sure if I can take dried rose petals with me to scatter at certain locations along the camino. I had read that it might be possible to have my daughter's name added to my compostela. Is this correct? I know I'll also be attending as many masses as possibel along the way and lighting candles for her on my journey. Does anyone have any other ideas of what a person could do who is walking the Camino for a deceased loved one? Can a mass be offered for her in Santiago?

So sorry for your loss, being a parent myself I hurt deeply for you. On my Camino in 2014 I brought small pictures of my Dad who had recently passed and always loved to travel. I mainly set them on the Cairns along the way which mark the Camino. On the Pyrenees, etc. also brought some small trinkets belonging to him, and spread them out, specially in Cruz de Ferro! I’m pretty sure you can get her name on the Compostela! May GOD guide you and Bless you along the way! Buen Camino!

 

[Helen Robinson]

Been there, done that for the past 11 years since my daughter committed suicide 2010. I have walked in her memory for years. She and I had actually been on the Camino together in 2010 discussing walking it the following year. RIP, my dear Katie.















Some advice is: don't scatter ashes in the churches. That is not cool. I carry a small urn with her ashes with me and got a very dismissive shake of the head from a priest at Mass when I carried the urn to the Communion in SdC hoping for a blessing.















I think the prayer idea is fraught with arcane church doctrines; suicide and cremation not g.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Suicide is so painful for everyone concerned. Please dont worry what the priest did, that's just horrible.

 

[t2andreo]

In May I am planning (for the 2nd time. 1st time fell through in 2020) to walk the Camino Frances in memory of my 17 year old daughter who was killed in a car accident back in March 2022. She wanted to come walk at least part of it, but it was not to be. I plan to have close family (Mom, sister, grandparents) write something on small flat rocks that I could leave at the Cruz de Ferro. She loved roses so I'm not sure if I can take dried rose petals with me to scatter at certain locations along the camino. I had read that it might be possible to have my daughter's name added to my compostela. Is this correct? I know I'll also be attending as many masses as possibel along the way and lighting candles for her on my journey. Does anyone have any other ideas of what a person could do who is walking the Camino for a deceased loved one? Can a mass be offered for her in Santiago?

This post by me, in another thread last year, sums up the entire situation with obtaining a Compostela for a deceased loved one.

https://www.caminodesantiago.me/community/threads/heavy-burden-to-carry.74317/#post-1023250

You should be able to carry the dried rose petals in a sealed bag (e.g. ziplock) in your carry on bag. The personalized small flat stones are a nice idea. But, please keep them small.

Remember, you have to tote the stones from SJPdP to Cruz de Ferro. The weight does add up. By way of example, if you were to choose a stone to throw to "skip" it across a flat body of water, that is the type of stone you likely want to carry. I find that small, flat, oblong "river stones" from my planting beds work fine.

I am very sorry for your loss. I hope that this information is helpful to you.

Buen Camino.

Tom

 

[Tony Bobcat]

In May I am planning (for the 2nd time. 1st time fell through in 2020) to walk the Camino Frances in memory of my 17 year old daughter who was killed in a car accident back in March 2022. She wanted to come walk at least part of it, but it was not to be. I plan to have close family (Mom, sister, grandparents) write something on small flat rocks that I could leave at the Cruz de Ferro. She loved roses so I'm not sure if I can take dried rose petals with me to scatter at certain locations along the camino. I had read that it might be possible to have my daughter's name added to my compostela. Is this correct? I know I'll also be attending as many masses as possibel along the way and lighting candles for her on my journey. Does anyone have any other ideas of what a person could do who is walking the Camino for a deceased loved one? Can a mass be offered for her in Santiago?

Hello Rick, sorry to hear of your loss. I dedicated my first Camino to my late dad and had his name included in the compostela. I might see you along the day as I will be doing the France in mid May. Buen Camino

 

[Roz.K]

My husband and I walked the Camino Portugues in 2019. We were booked to do it again in March 2020, but 2 weeks before we were due to leave, Covid and lockdown hit Melbourne, Australia hard and we had to cancel the whole thing. We had hoped to hike it sometime this year, but unfortunately, my beloved husband Mark, passed away unexpectantly, on October 16th. 2022, from a massive stroke. He was only 68, fit and way too young to pass away. I am flying out on April 7th,( our wedding anniversary), to walk from Porto in his honour and I know that he will be walking every step of the way with me, in spirit and in my heart. He was buried in a family plot, so unfortunately, I cannot spread some of his ashes along the route, like in the movie: The Way. However, I plan to take some shells or rocks with his name on them and place them in special places along the route. After spending 40 years with my man, 5 children and 10 grandchildren later, it is going to be a difficult time for me to go solo. R.I.P. Mark.

 

[JennyH94]

Hi @RickSantiago20 -

Something else you can do is to speak with Fr. Manny at the beautiful chapel at the Pilgrim Office in Santiago at the conclusion of the daily Mass - 10.30 each day from memory - and arrange for a Mass to be said for your daughter there. It’s a lovely chapel with such a peaceful atmosphere.

Fr. Manny is a former pilgrim and he totally, totally exudes goodwill, love and compassion for all he meets.

Condolences from Oz to you and your loved ones -

Jenny

 

[Rick of Rick and Peg]

He was buried in a family plot, so unfortunately, I cannot spread some of his ashes along the route, like in the movie: The Way. However, I plan to take some shells or rocks with his name on them and place them in special places along the route.

Since you can't physically bring Mark back on the camino leave something he owned. And take a piece of Spain back home for him. And for you I hope you find comfort on your journey.

 

[MariaE]

My husband and I walked the Camino Portugues in 2019. We were booked to do it again in March 2020, but 2 weeks before we were due to leave, Covid and lockdown hit Melbourne, Australia hard and we had to cancel the whole thing. We had hoped to hike it sometime this year, but unfortunately, my beloved husband Mark, passed away unexpectantly, on October 16th. 2022, from a massive stroke. He was only 68, fit and way too young to pass away. I am flying out on April 7th,( our wedding anniversary), to walk from Porto in his honour and I know that he will be walking every step of the way with me, in spirit and in my heart. He was buried in a family plot, so unfortunately, I cannot spread some of his ashes along the route, like in the movie: The Way. However, I plan to take some shells or rocks with his name on them and place them in special places along the route. After spending 40 years with my man, 5 children and 10 grandchildren later, it is going to be a difficult time for me to go solo. R.I.P. Mark.

My heart goes out to you and your family. Last year I walked 2 weeks on the Camino Frances for my husband of 37 years who passed away unexpectedly in 2021. I talked to him the entire way and lit some candles at different places. I also met some wonderful pilgrims along the way who became my regular dinner companions. Walking the camino was the best decision for me and very therapeutic. I hope it will be the same for you.
I am planing to walk Porto to Santiago this June with a friend this time.
Best wishes and Buen Camino!

 

[Roz.K]

My heart goes out to you and your family. Last year I walked 2 weeks on the Camino Frances for my husband of 37 years who passed away unexpectedly in 2021. I talked to him the entire way and lit some candles at different places. I also met some wonderful pilgrims along the way who became my regular dinner companions. Walking the camino was the best decision for me and very therapeutic. I hope it will be the same for you.
I am planing to walk Porto to Santiago this June with a friend this time.
Best wishes and Buen Camino!

Thank you, I am sure that I will find peace comfort on my journey.

 

[Roz.K]

Thank you, I am sure that I will find peace and comfort on my journey.

 

[hansking]

In May I am planning (for the 2nd time. 1st time fell through in 2020) to walk the Camino Frances in memory of my 17 year old daughter who was killed in a car accident back in March 2022. She wanted to come walk at least part of it, but it was not to be. I plan to have close family (Mom, sister, grandparents) write something on small flat rocks that I could leave at the Cruz de Ferro. She loved roses so I'm not sure if I can take dried rose petals with me to scatter at certain locations along the camino. I had read that it might be possible to have my daughter's name added to my compostela. Is this correct? I know I'll also be attending as many masses as possibel along the way and lighting candles for her on my journey. Does anyone have any other ideas of what a person could do who is walking the Camino for a deceased loved one? Can a mass be offered for her in Santiago?

Hi RickSantiago
I walked my first Camino in memory of my grandfather
My first Compostela records that I walked on behalf of him
In the old days it was to some extent a common practice that people walked on behalf of others (living or dead) and so the tradition goes on
I lit candles in many of the churches in memory of my grandfather at the towns I stopped at while I was walking
I wish you a safe, happy and rewarding journey
Bon Camino
Hans

 

[Lwight]

I feel like I know you, Rick. I lost my 20 yr old daughter in June, 2021 and I will be walking the Camino with her starting in May, 2023. When are you starting? There is much we could share...

 

[rojasa]

"The Camino is an infrastructure for prayer." Great definition of the Camino...Rick, may you find peace on your pilgrimage. May we all! Lighting candles in churches along the way is of course a natural act. The most memorable "altar" I prayed at was a spot on the meseta when I found myself lying face down full length, arms out like a cross, weeping for my brothers, for whom I walked in 2021. (They died within 5 weeks of each other in 2016; I began planning a pilgrimage in their memory then.) The cathedral of the meseta is so important to me I returned to it this past fall on my way to Leon to walk the Camino San Salvador. I return to it daily in my prayers and meditation. Blessings and been camino!

 

[danielgzepeda]

Thank you. I thought about that. I guess I could easily pick some up in Madrid or larger cities up north. The reason I mentioned taking them was because our daughter saved all of her roses and she has so many dried petals she kept in her room. Just not sure if they could be taken into the country since they are an agricultural product.

I have saved quite a few rose petals from what I gifted my wife throughout her 15 years fight with cancer. I keep them in 1 big and 2 medium vases. I our scented liquid on them and use them for potpourri. Just a thought for you!

 

[Ricksantiago20]

I feel like I know you, Rick. I lost my 20 yr old daughter in June, 2021 and I will be walking the Camino with her starting in May, 2023. When are you starting? There is much we could share...

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your daughter. I'm sure was very painful for you and you family.
I will be walking the camino beginning on May 25th. Maybe we will meet.

 

[Lwight]

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your daughter. I'm sure was very painful for you and you family.
I will be walking the camino beginning on May 25th. Maybe we will meet.

I will start around 5/15.

Moderator note: Cell phone number removed. Please use private message function to contact other members. Click on their name or avatar and choose "start conversation."

 

[Taff4]

Been there, done that for the past 11 years since my daughter committed suicide 2010. I have walked in her memory for years. She and I had actually been on the Camino together in 2010 discussing walking it the following year. RIP, my dear Katie.
Some advice is: don't scatter ashes in the churches. That is not cool. I carry a small urn with her ashes with me and got a very dismissive shake of the head from a priest at Mass when I carried the urn to the Communion in SdC hoping for a blessing.
I think the prayer idea is fraught with arcane church doctrines; suicide and cremation not withstanding.

When did you start walking, im only 4 weeks in this horrible journey after my son decided he could not live any more, i feel like I want a long walk, but at the moment im in tears on a mile dog walk so not sure a long walk would be suitable.

 

[Camino Chrissy]

@Taff4, I am so very sorry for your loss; such a painful one in addition to those related to health, age and accidents. Maybe a support group may help you in some small way if there is one in your area.

 

[nycwalking]

When did you start walking, im only 4 weeks in this horrible journey after my son decided he could not live any more, i feel like I want a long walk, but at the moment im in tears on a mile dog walk so not sure a long walk would be suitable.

Sorry for your loss.

In time may you find peace.

A camino might start the healing process.

Take care.

 

[Flory]

I am so sorry for your loss.

Time will help you.
Walking saved me and yes I cryed with every walk. It was corona and we all were in lockdown.

I start my second part of my camino for my godchild on 21 september. She too found live to difficult to live.
I will also take your son with me in my prayers.

May you find your way to healing.

Take care. Breath.