Grace

Grace is something which we all need and have, but often don't recognize it at the time. Yes, Grace will find a way despite our self, to fill the empty spaces, to make us strong in the broken places. Ah Simone Weil surely touched by God here...

I am most certainly not better qualified than you, but I recognise your trouble with lacking the proper words to describe your feelings about this subject. Same here, but here's my two cents.

After my camino last year I keep thinking a lot about what happened to me on the way: not only the outer journey but also on the inner journey. What I experienced was not so much an emotional stripping down to bare nothingness, although I had periods when I was just "a body walking". I felt it was more a deconstruction toward an emotional state that I can only describe as a state of grace. Which is quite funny, me being an atheist.

The thing is, walking made life very simple for me. I found I had only three daily questions: where do I sleep, what do I eat and how long do I walk? Every other question I have in "real life" melted away. Am I a good husband/father, did I handle that situation well, should I consider another job, did I pay the bills on time, should I visit my mother more? Mostly irrelevant while on the road.

The interesting thing about all those questions melting away slowly, is that your own reaction to asking yourself those questions is no longer necessary. And there it happened: I found I was no longer sensing disapproval or even condemnation toward myself. Judgement was suspended.

That creates a lot of room, or a void, and since nature dislikes a vacuum, it gets filled. With grace luckily, for me being the opposite of disapproval or condemnation. And, being a Dutchman, I'd hereby like to voice my admiration for the English language where grace not only means mercy, but also elegance. I have the sense that mercy and elegance are very closely linked and grace captures that feeling perfectly.

Now I'm back home, and it is very hard to keep that state of grace going. I inadvertently get sucked into judging myself again. I seem to need the backdrop of a simple life as a means to get to that state of grace. Not easy in this (modern) society. But the upside of this story is that I now know that it is possible to achieve. And, judging by the rising popularity of pilgrimage, others have found this too.

Thank you all...Such good and wise words.