Anyone else get shot down?

[Choweth]

A little off topic but I plan on going to France/Spain to walk in March 2014. I haven't even told my family yet because I keep getting laughed at when I say I want to travel(just in general). Today my step mom laughed and said, "Oh honey *hahaha* its going to a loooong time before you do any of that" I suddenly felt this deep sadness over my whole body but felt more determined than ever. Does anyone get laughed at for wanting to do the camino or the thought of traveling? Why do you do/say?

 

[methodist.pilgrim.98]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

If you are an adult then the answer is, its my decision.

If you are not of legal age (16+ in the UK for some things - like being able to leave home and not have the police drag you back- and 18+ to be regarded as a true adult) then you have a problem and they may have a valid point of view.

I have had disbelief but never laughter.

Sharing too much personal information in a public forum is fraught with danger, but you might consider talking to the office of your nearest Confraternity and asking if they can put you in touch with someone local whom you could meet and who could advise you better.

 

[Choweth]

If you are not of legal age (16+ in the UK for some things - like being able to leave home and not have the police drag you back- and 18+ to be regarded as a true adult) then you have a problem and they may have a valid point of view.

I will be 23 when I go.

 

[Anniesantiago]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

You will be fine!
I'm excited for you!

I left home at 17 and flew to Puerto Rico and the Caribbean.
I've been adventuring ever since.

Follow your bliss!

 

[methodist.pilgrim.98]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Then Choweth, welcome to the forum, get reading, get planning, get training and go for it.

Don't listen to other people's fears disguised as laughter. I wish I had first walked the Camino at 23 and not 41.

Too many people are afraid to travel because of the unknown and because it is outside of their comfort zone. Their loss.

The first step on the Road to St James is to say to yourself, I'm going. People in wheelchairs have managed it and so can you.

Dont let anyone say, you can't speak Spanish (lots of pilgrims cant), your not fit enough (tell that to the 82 year old Italian lady I met who had already walked SJPP to SdC and was now heading to Finisterre), you don't know what youre doing (how else do you learn), and so on.

 

[Choweth]

Then Choweth, welcome to the forum, get reading, get planning, get training and go for it.

Don't listen to other people's fears disguised as laughter. I wish I had first walked the Camino at 23 and not 41.

Too many people are afraid to travel because of the unknown and because it is outside of their comfort zone. Their loss.

The first step on the Road to St James is to say to yourself, I'm going. People in wheelchairs have managed it and so can you.

Dont let anyone say, you can't speak Spanish (lots of pilgrims cant), your not fit enough (tell that to the 82 year old Italian lady I met who had already walked SJPP to SdC and was now heading to Finisterre), you don't know what youre doing (how else do you learn), and so on.

THANK YOU!

 

[methodist.pilgrim.98]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

I suspect Falcom will update this - he is a mine of useful information - but in 2010 nearly 30% of pilgrims were under 30 and there are a considerable number of young women who walk the Camino, either solo or with friends.

Let laughter spur you and not deter you.

 

[MM4214]

Sadly some people just don't have the spirit of adventure. Be glad that it is strong in you! Whatever you do, don't let negative comments dampen your spirit. :grin:

 

[Trishkerry]

Re: Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Does anyone get laughed at for wanting to do the camino or the thought of traveling? Why do you do/say?

You will never get laughed at on here honey! Don't say anything to them. Turn their negativity into a positive and use it to power you forward with your plans. Then lets see who has the last laugh.

 

[Choweth]

Y'all are so awesome!

 

[Mysticl]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Everyone around me SEEMS supportive except whenever I mention my Camino they get a "look" in their eyes a frozen smile that isn't quite real on their face that speaks volumes of what they are not saying verbally ... they look at me, at my body, at my age, at my fitness level and they smile and nod and say what a wonderful adventure ... Some of what I am seeing is my imagination .. my own fears manifesting in their faces ... and some of it is real. I know that too. They doubt me and my ability to do this ... those people don't know me very well ... obviously ...

I am older but not in the grave yet! ... I am unfit BUT not as much as it might appear by outward appearances and/or prejudices .. I am overweight BUT I am 100 lbs lighter than I was a few short years ago, when I could barely walk 10 feet without extreme pain and shortness of breath, a lot has changed since then ... and I am also extremely driven and ridiculously stubborn ... both of which should help me over the humps that the initial observations I mentioned pretty much guarantee. Quitting at this point before i have even begun is unthinkable and quitting after I have begun while a very real possibility isn't something I am anticipating. I already KNOW my limitations and those limitations are not stopping me now ... as I train several hours each day both at home on the treadmill or out on the trails, why should they when I am there and actually walking and experiencing the Camino?

My immediate family does not doubt me. They know me. Anyone else is basing their doubts on their own fears and expectations.

I am not planning to RACE the Camino ... I am planning to snail walk it ... I am planning to stay within my limited abilities at first just to see how it goes. I am open to making changes to suit my reality. I will carry my pack UNLESS it threatens my journey and I will forward it selectively if I must but that isn't something I WANT to do, just that I WILL do it if I must, to complete my journey. I will only walk as far as I am comfortable with each day, initially. I am planning on 10-15 km days and will plan my stages accordingly but I'll adjust my expectations once I know the reality of my ability or lack thereof. I can easily walk 8 km daily now without even trying, including hills but that is without a pack, but I have a year left to train with a pack as well and another year to try and lose some more weight although that's become a bit of a slog these days ...

In short, come hell or high water, this is something I am going to do ... and if my Camino ends early, I will be comforted in the knowledge that at least I tried. I challenged my personal comfort zone, I dared to do something GRAND before I died, and no matter how I look at that, I consider that a WIN and besides, I hope to have a great time in the process, no matter what, I am going to have a wonderful few weeks in Spain and maybe elsewhere as well So who cares what anyone else thinks ... I think I can do this and so I will ... and you can too despite what anyone else may think ... do it! On their deathbed, more people regret the thinks they DIDN'T try in their life way way more than the things they did try Don't let fear and/or doubt hold you back.

 

[Anniesantiago]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Mystic, you say you are overweight.
That can mean a lot of things.
I'm usually about 20 pounds overweight when I start each year, and lose that 20 while walking.
This year it's closer to 30 - menopause is not my friend.

On the other hand, I've watched many people who are what I would call extremely obese walk the Camino. I've also people do it on crutches, in wheelchairs, and in one case last year, saw a lovely young man with what appeared to be severe cerebral palsy walking. He struggled to walk, but carried his own pack and by God, he made it!

One lady I met a couple of years ago simply went at her own pace. She carried a telephone, and when she knew it was time to stop.. she stopped for the day. She got the telephone number of the local taxi at each albergue and had no problems calling if she needed a a ride. She did NOT push herself beyond her limits, but did push to go a little further each day. In the beginning, she started with 7 kilometers. Each day she'd increase a bit. Six weeks later, toward the end of the Camino she was walking full 20-15 k stages, had lost a LOT of weight, and was in much better health.

This is YOUR Camino!
It's ok to go short stages.
It's ok to call a cab rather than hurt yourself.
It is ok to pay for bag transport.
It's ok to listen to your body.
It's even ok to break the Camino up into different YEARS.
For instance, this year I hope to finish the Via de la Plata, which I had to give up early because of my own poor planning. People warned me not to try to walk in summer. I am one of those hard headed kids that had to touch the stove. I learned. They were right. But now I'm going back to finish it.

You will be fine, as long as it is what you WANT to do!
Buen Camino!
Annie

 

[markss]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Success means different things to different people. Mysticl there is little doubt that you will be successful, regardless of anyone else's thoughts. In fact you are well on the way already.

What a great attitude you have. You are such an inspiration to all! Go for it!

Oh and that goes for you too Choweth!

Buen Camino!

 

[David]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Guys (non-gender specific) - remember the words in the gospel spoken by the man himself
"a prophet is never honoured in his own land"

If there is a town with 100,000 people in it how many will make pilgrimage along the Camino? One?
And if that 'one' tries to explain to the other 99,999 how many of them will react positively? How many will be condescending, patronising? How many will make a joke of your dream, your longing, your call to the Camino?

Exactly.

This is your journey, all of you facing this, your journey - they will not, can not, understand .. that is why you are responding to the call and they aren't.

So it is ok - all is well.

All is well - make your plans, go to the Camino - meet your nation, your tribe, your fellow pilgrims.

Buen Camino :wink:

 

[tyrrek]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

When I decided to do my first Camino I posted it on Facebook. Then people would have laughed if I DIDN'T do it! Buen Camino!

 

[Peregrina 2013]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Choweth & Mystici,

I am a firm believer in making things (good things, dreams) happen for myself! If I don't pursue it, it is a sure thing it will just remain a dream. Of course it has to be a realistic attainable goal, even if at the time if seems out of reach; but remember that only YOU can make it happen.
The Camino is yours, it is YOUR Camino! Do it at your own pace, listen to your body, ask for help, help yourself, but do not let someone else stop you from pursuing your dream!
This is a beautiful saying that I take by heart: "A Pilgrim is that one that has a free spirit, a light baggage, a solidary soul and spontaneously follows the way of his/her dreams."

Ultreia!

Mary

 

[markss]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

hmmmmm Sadly you are not alone in being shot down.

And they all laughed at Christopher Columbus, when he said the world was round...

 

[Pei2spain]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Choweth......I'm not sure where you are from but if you can find a local friends of the Camino group, you will find a lots of support and like minded people there. In Canada, it is called the Canadian Company of Pilgrims and they have chapters in several cities. There is a similar organization in the USA, I believe. Don't let the naysayers get you down. They are probably envious that you have the guts to take on the challenge!!! I wish you the best on Your Camino.

 

[Choweth]

Choweth......I'm not sure where you are from but if you can find a local friends of the Camino group, you will find a lots of support and like minded people there. In Canada, it is called the Canadian Company of Pilgrims and they have chapters in several cities. There is a similar organization in the USA, I believe. Don't let the naysayers get you down. They are probably envious that you have the guts to take on the challenge!!! I wish you the best on Your Camino.

Thank you! I'm from Texas. I've found a few on here but they are from towns that are at least 3 hours away.

 

[DarBur]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Go with your heart always - other people may shoot down your ideas because of their own fears and demons, and it may be your own fears that are letting them interfere with what it is you hope to do. I am planning to do the camino this July, and the only shooting down is what I am doing to myself as I face my fear about doing it. I need to look deep into my heart and I know that I need to do this - if you look deep into yours and feel the same then don't let anything stop you. Remember that the way people respond to you and deal with you is often more of a reflection of their own battles and insecurities.

 

[dduroy]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

I think that some, if not most people don't understand, because the Camino hasn't chosen them. They find it odd that you would pilgrimage across Spain. They don't understand that once it gets a hold of you that you will go.

First opportunity you get, book the flight! Don't wait for confirmation from anyone else. Everything else will work out and you will have a goal to work towards.

 

[Choweth]

I think that some, if not most people don't understand, because the Camino hasn't chosen them. They find it odd that you would pilgrimage across Spain. They don't understand that once it gets a hold of you that you will go.

First opportunity you get, book the flight! Don't wait for confirmation from anyone else. Everything else will work out and you will have a goal to work towards.

Thank you. I haven't told my husband yet. I hope he understands though. I'm going soon as I finish my Associates. That's when I'll have the funds too, March. Just thinking about going makes my heart jump

 

[Kiwi-family]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

At the end of the day, not everyone will understand......but I have found thanking people for their concern heals potential rifts! Plus, I ask *exactly* what their concern is so that I can give it due consideration. That way they have the opportunity to engage in the conversation and do not necessarily become The Enemy. In these face-to-face discussions I tend to NOT defend and just ask questions - people appreciate being listened to, and for those who have genuine issues (especially fears) about your decision it can be a valuable thing for them to get to speak. It can also win people over - much more than bursting into tears or launching into an aggressive tirade. You don't need to prove yourself - just be gracious and get on with the journey.

LiseT, I hear your hurt on being accused of not having children. Let me assure you it is no better WITH kids - "It is irresponsible to force poor little kids to walk" you know!

 

[Choweth]

At the end of the day, not everyone will understand......but I have found thanking people for their concern heals potential rifts! Plus, I ask *exactly* what their concern is so that I can give it due consideration. That way they have the opportunity to engage in the conversation and do not necessarily become The Enemy. In these face-to-face discussions I tend to NOT defend and just ask questions - people appreciate being listened to, and for those who have genuine issues (especially fears) about your decision it can be a valuable thing for them to get to speak. It can also win people over - much more than bursting into tears or launching into an aggressive tirade. You don't need to prove yourself - just be gracious and get on with the journey.

LiseT, I hear your hurt on being accused of not having children. Let me assure you it is no better WITH kids - "It is irresponsible to force poor little kids to walk" you know!

I have 2 kids and I feel bad for leaving a husband behind to take care of them. Then, on the other hand I think maybe this is when he will have a true appreciation of me and my everyday duties with them and that I don't just sit on my booty and watch TV.

 

[Kiwi-family]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

I have 2 kids and I feel bad for leaving a husband behind to take care of them. Then, on the other hand I think maybe this is when he will have a true appreciation of me and my everyday duties with them and that I don't just sit on my booty and watch TV.

When I told my hubby I wanted to do the Camino he said, "Right, we'll all go"
It meant we couldn't do the whole thing, because he couldn't get enough time off work, but it was WONDERFUL.
That said, we met a father-of-five, who was walking alone.

Could I suggest that you approach the topic with a "Honey how would you feel if I...???" and not "Darling I'm going and I'm sure you'll be fine". (just trying to help your cause :wink: )

 

[Choweth]

I have 2 kids and I feel bad for leaving a husband behind to take care of them. Then, on the other hand I think maybe this is when he will have a true appreciation of me and my everyday duties with them and that I don't just sit on my booty and watch TV.

When I told my hubby I wanted to do the Camino he said, "Right, we'll all go"
It meant we couldn't do the whole thing, because he couldn't get enough time off work, but it was WONDERFUL.
That said, we met a father-of-five, who was walking alone.

Could I suggest that you approach the topic with a "Honey how would you feel if I...???" and not "Darling I'm going and I'm sure you'll be fine". (just trying to help your cause :wink: )

That makes sense. When watching The Way he said it would be cool to do but at his current job he is not able to get anytime off at all. :/ I also feel I at least need to do it once alone. I need to get over my fear of being alone and the fear of getting lost and the unknown.

 

[newfydog]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

My wife was laughed at by her father the first time she spoke of going to Europe. She went on to be an international consultant and is still doing Caminos.

 

[Kitsambler]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Choweth, you're from Texas, and as most of us know, Texas is a whole 'nother country. There's a culture of "no place is as good as Texas, so why would you want to waste your money by going elsewhere?" This is reflected in the very small percentage of passport holders (even lower in the days when one wasn't needed for travel to Mexico). When people depreciate your travel plans, they are actually only reflecting their own view of the world -- it has nothing to do with you or with your plans. They don't value the experience of foreign travel -- they feel it has nothing to teach them. They have a low openness to new experiences; new experiences are a threat rather than a pleasure. They have a low tolerance for ambiguity and uncertainty. It's just they way they are wired, and the culture they are immersed in reinforces these biases.

You are different. Just let their lack of understanding blow on by; it's not your responsibility to change them. But do stick to your guns; this is an important part of your life now.

 

[methodist.pilgrim.98]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

This thread is getting very interesting and there is some honesty going on here that I like but also requires sensitivity. We are treading on dreams and fears.

Choweth, at some point soon you are going to have to ask your husband if we will support you in going. There is a thin line between asking his permission - for you are his wife not his property - but also that when you exchanged vows you agreed to being a partnership. That means you have to have regard for his point of view as well, though I hope he will not laugh.

Recognising that he may be jealous of you going and that he will have to pick up the burden of caring for the children. You will have to negotiate the practicalities of this.

You could suggest that this time you will walk and as soon as the window of opportunity opens you will let him go even if it is not convenient to you.

My wife has Never wanted to walk the Camino but she has always been supportive. She is 13 years older than myself and heading for her 69th in April. She cannot cope with my being away for more than 17 days and that is something I have to accept.

She makes no fuss about me going but the journey has to be to within those limits. Living in England that is possible. I have the joy that when we were younger I was able ot walk SJPP to SdC in one go so that makes returning for shorter stretches all the easier.

My long winded point is this. We talked about it, we agreed what was acceptable to both of us and it works out fine.

The key to handling this is talking and listening.

By the way, any lady who has two children should not be laughed at by anyone. I have raised children and walking the Camino is a doddle in comparison. If you are juggling being a mum with studying you are one capable lady.

Each country has its own mini cultures and I wonder if I dare ask if Texan attitudes are that the ladies are still the weaker sex - the weak creatures of yore who need to be protected from the nastiness of the world? It exists in some parts of the UK even now. If you are a woman you need looking after and you cannot function independently of a man? (I just hope this is not going to get me in Big Trouble. :shock: )

Edited addition. Kitsambler that is a great insight and supports my local culture perspective.

 

[markss]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Gotta say Choweth, that in your initial posts you didn't quite explain the entire circumstances. The family that you mentioned by specifics was a step mother. When you throw a husband and dependant children into the mix that changes the situation considerably.

Doesn't matter where one is from. As you know there is nothing unique about Texas that factors into it. Everyone has their own understanding and commitment with regard to relationships between spouses. Likewise their role and responsibility in caring for their children.

I for one am less apt to tell you to "go for it" now that I am aware that it involves spousal cooperation and the care of children. However I would hope that your husband does embrace your plan and encourages you to do just that. Obviously we are not aware of all of the particulars. Just saying that this may be more of a joint decision that it originally seemed from your post.

It's not for any of us to judge. But at the same time I can say that as a participant in this forum I would not want to encourage someone to leave their dependant children behind for a month or so in order that they can walk the Camino. Hope you find a way that it works out well for all.

 

[Choweth]

This thread is getting very interesting and there is some honesty going on here that I like but also requires sensitivity. We are treading on dreams and fears.

Choweth, at some point soon you are going to have to ask your husband if we will support you in going. There is a thin line between asking his permission - for you are his wife not his property - but also that when you exchanged vows you agreed to being a partnership. That means you have to have regard for his point of view as well, though I hope he will not laugh.

Recognising that he may be jealous of you going and that he will have to pick up the burden of caring for the children. You will have to negotiate the practicalities of this.

You could suggest that this time you will walk and as soon as the window of opportunity opens you will let him go even if it is not convenient to you.

My wife has Never wanted to walk the Camino but she has always been supportive. She is 13 years older than myself and heading for her 69th in April. She cannot cope with my being away for more than 17 days and that is something I have to accept.

She makes no fuss about me going but the journey has to be to within those limits. Living in England that is possible. I have the joy that when we were younger I was able ot walk SJPP to SdC in one go so that makes returning for shorter stretches all the easier.

My long winded point is this. We talked about it, we agreed what was acceptable to both of us and it works out fine.

The key to handling this is talking and listening.

By the way, any lady who has two children should not be laughed at by anyone. I have raised children and walking the Camino is a doddle in comparison. If you are juggling being a mum with studying you are one capable lady.

Each country has its own mini cultures and I wonder if I dare ask if Texan attitudes are that the ladies are still the weaker sex - the weak creatures of yore who need to be protected from the nastiness of the world? It exists in some parts of the UK even now. If you are a woman you need looking after and you cannot function independently of a man? (I just hope this is not going to get me in Big Trouble. :shock: )

Edited addition. Kitsambler that is a great insight and supports my local culture perspective.

I think their main issue is: 1. It's not something they care about so they don't understand why. 2. I have 2 kids and I guess I have to pretend I'm locked up/I can no longer have my own identity? 3. Where you gonna get the money? 4. You don't have time. Etc.

 

[Choweth]

I understand leaving children "behind" is not great. If he disagreed, i would wait for another time. However, I don't want having children to stop me (if he's supportive) because I do have my own identity. I need to find who I am though. I am someone's wife someone's daughter someone's mother but who am I? I want them to grow up and know that all of life is possible with kids too. Whether its going college or traveling.

Sorry, I see how saying step mom was confusing. That was just an incident that happened today because she was visiting us.

 

[alib305]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Hello there just to say I understand your dilemmas!!but I am sitting in a hotel about to leave for SJPP and start my adventure having left my husband and 10yr old twins at home.its not been an easy couple of weeks as I've battled with my own fears and anxieties aBout lots of things. However I am here and going to start without big expectations of myself.it just feels like something I have to do for myself at this time in my life -40yrs old.listen to your heart and if the desire doesn't go away then talk and plan!!!life's an adventure yes? X

 

[markss]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Choweth with all due respect: wife, mother, daughter. What blessings they all are! Perhaps a period of absence from all of that would help you to embrace what you already have. Who knows. Sorry but I can't get over a mother (or father) who would leave young children for a long period of time so that they can walk the Camino. I don't understand.

 

[Peronel]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

I hate to pour cold water here, but with two kids still young enough to need effectively full-time care and a husband who can't take time off work, then I can see where your step-mother is coming from. Bluntly, who wipes the bums when your husband is at work and you're in Spain?

I can understand the urge to travel, but might it be worth saving and dreaming as a family for a trip you can all enjoy together?

 

[Tia Valeria]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Many people in their daily work have to leave their families behind and travel, either within their own country or abroad. They have to work out how to manage with children etc so I don't see this as a reason for not walking the Camino. Many pilgrims do leave their much loved families to follow the call to walk. As Methodist pilgrim says it is the discussion over what will work for a particluar family situation that is important here.
Maybe a decision about how long Choweth's husband can manage without her will help a decision on exactly which Camino, or section of Camino to walk. A start in Leon on the Francés maybe, or a short route like Ferrol or Lugo to Santiago this time.

 

[markss]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Big difference between being away from a family as a work requirement that provides support for the family vs. being away to walk the Camino to "find out who I am"

 

[Choweth]

While gone, my husband can take a day off here and there if he needs to so that is not a problem. He just couldn't take a month off to come too. We have many people who could help with the kids.

I also want to add that it IS important to find out who you are.

 

[Kiwi-family]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

I understand leaving children "behind" is not great. If he disagreed, i would wait for another time. However, I don't want having children to stop me (if he's supportive) because I do have my own identity. I need to find who I am though. I am someone's wife someone's daughter someone's mother but who am I? I want them to grow up and know that all of life is possible with kids too. Whether its going college or traveling.

You have actually answered a big part of your question.
You are a daughter.
You are a wife.
You are a mother.
These roles do not define you on their own, but they contribute towards making you who you are.
With these roles come responsibilities. Including looking after minor children. If you leave them behind in order to "find yourself", you effectively say it is not possible to do that part of life with children. This is the opposite of what you want to teach them! It may be necessary to say "Later". You may need to find a way to discover who you are in the context of your environment.

 

[Choweth]

Thank you all. You have provided good insight from both sides!

 

[Peronel]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

While gone, my husband can take a day off here and there if he needs to so that is not a problem. He just couldn't take a month off to come too. We have many people who could help with the kids.

I also want to add that it IS important to find out who you are.

Then I think your first step is to speak with those people and with your husband to see if they are able and willing to have full charge of your kids whilst you're away.

 

[fortview]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

When I told my 81 year old mum, that I was going to do something very selfish, and walk the camino, she thought I was mad! Her words were " it'll be torture, you mark my words, torture" !
I worried about not being able to see her, what if she got ill? BUT I'm only from the UK, easy enough to go back.... Had to wait to retire., and the kids to grow up, before this adventure, but there are still commitments at home.

Choweth, I understand you want to do it, but here's another thing... You have to go home afterwards and get on with your life. And lots of people find that difficult, to settle back into the routines, dreaming of the camino, itching to get back. It's addictive!

 

[Pieces]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

on a very general note I have found 2 things very important on my way to becoming the person I wanted to be

first thing is that what ever people say and think about me and how i live my life does not define me, it is merely a reflection of themselves and therefore I need not let it restrain me

second thing is that whenever I make a choice in life that both enables me and constrains me, but whether I like it or not that was the choice I made and fighting the consequences of these choices will ultimately not make me a happy person

 

[Choweth]

When I told my 81 year old mum, that I was going to do something very selfish, and walk the camino, she thought I was mad! Her words were " it'll be torture, you mark my words, torture" !
I worried about not being able to see her, what if she got ill? BUT I'm only from the UK, easy enough to go back.... Had to wait to retire., and the kids to grow up, before this adventure, but there are still commitments at home.

Choweth, I understand you want to do it, but here's another thing... You have to go home afterwards and get on with your life. And lots of people find that difficult, to settle back into the routines, dreaming of the camino, itching to get back. It's addictive!

I've heard that before, that some people change forever. That its hard to go back to life as they knew it. I'm hoping that will be a good thing and I will come back a new, inspired, happier, selfless, person (of course, just me hoping). I know also you can "find" things along the way you weren't even expecting.

 

[Susannafromsweden]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

You say you are planning to walk the camino after you have finished your studies. I think that sounds like a nice idea. Lots of people take some time off and travel before they start working. And it's not like you are going to Ibiza to party and dance all night. :wink: A pilgrimage is a good thing.

Maybe your husband and children will think a month away is too much, but two weeks? You can walk half of camino frances now and maybe the rest later with your family. Or something.

Buen Camino

 

[Laliibeans]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Personally I feel that the Camino journey begins when you first make the decision to go. At least, that's what has happened to me. You have decided it's something you want to do, but now you are faced with problems, and I think the reason for doing it is something you've already embarked upon confronting.

The thing is, the question of finding yourself can take a lifetime, and for some it takes a lifetime to realise that we had the answer all along. As Kiwi-family said, you've already defined a lot about yourself; you made the decision to become a wife and mother and in doing so you decided who you wanted to be. That's not to say you can only be those things, of course. Far from it, but I think it would be best if you took some time to look at the way you're phrasing your question and the method for tackling it.

You chose a family, so they are always going to be a part of who you are and your journey. Include them in it. As others have said, maybe take a shorter trip this time and do the rest as a family when it is more viable for you all.

Every step you take is now a part of your Camino journey, and I think the best thing to do is to talk about it with the man you've chosen to spend your life with. It could lead to wonderful things for you all.

 

[Kiwi-family]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

I've heard that before, that some people change forever. That its hard to go back to life as they knew it. I'm hoping that will be a good thing and I will come back a new, inspired, happier, selfless, person (of course, just me hoping). I know also you can "find" things along the way you weren't even expecting.

You want to be renewed. You want to be inspired. You are seeking happiness. You yearn to be selfless.

The Camino might give you those things.....but there might be another way, a different way.
If you do it with a truly generous spirit, serving your children for the next few years might take you further on the path to selflessness than any other journey could. In my experience there are opportunities every day to deny yourself in parenting. There is a romantic notion of selflessness - the reality is actually really hard. It involves grief and surrender and death of your own desires. Is this really what you want?

Everyone needs refreshing, renewing. Even your husband and kids. How can you be refreshed together? What can you do together that will strengthen your family ties and give you a new lease on life?

You want happiness? I find it is intrinsically linked to gratitude. Get yourself a notebook and start writing down everything you are thankful for. Everything. Number each entry and keep at it every day. I'm approaching 2,000 entries in my book, and although I was not a negative person to start with, I have become much more positive as I contemplate the blessings that I have.

And finally, inspiration. Would mini-doses work? What would inspire you? A trip to an art gallery? Hiking a local trail? Learning a new skill? Reading a particular book?

Choweth, I hope I don't come across as an arrogant know-it-all. I too am on a journey and have many questions about living within restraints that my situation requires. I don't have it all together. I stumble along and just hope that maybe something I have learnt might resonate with you and be a help. Disregard the rest!

 

[David]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

This is a good thread but I am concerned by a few of the posts which seem to be a little judgemental.. :|

we are not there, we do not know the full situation, we do not know the people - and even if we did, we still do not have the right to judge.

This is 2013 - why should the female be the main child carer? Who has fixed the roles of 'mother' 'daughter' 'wife', certainly not me ....

Sailors go away for months at a time, soldiers go away for months at a time, there are people who work on oil-rigs, drive long-distance lorries ..... I think people should be careful of trying to squeeze a soft-rounded human into a sharp and restrictive box - bad enough for pigeons, let alone humans.

So - let us not judge, let us be open to what is obviously a deep cry from her heart - she feels called to the Camino .... and the problem with that is?

Coram Deo

 

[Kitsambler]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

...obviously a deep cry from her heart - she feels called to the Camino ....

David, At the risk of disagreeing, I think this is not the case. I believe Choweth feels called to find herself and develop a clearer sense of her own identity in contrast to the web of family constraints in which she finds herself. She may be thinking that walking the Camino is the only way to achieve this clarity, and that nothing else will do -- in an all-or-nothing pattern of thinking.

Choweth, The logistics of a 5 week trip to Europe can be daunting, and that may necessitate delay. But there are other measures that can help you now on your journey of individual discovery:
1) Develop and enlarge your spiritual practice. Meditation (especially Mindfulness meditation) and journalling, along with spiritual reading are enrichments to spiritual practice. You can take classes locally to get you started.
2) Take a short retreat. Many religious houses in your region offer 3-day, 1-week, or 2-week retreats -- some silent -- which will allow you to get a break from your routine without a huge logistics investment. One does not need to be a member to take advantage of this.
3) Start walking. There are many hikes and walks in your region. Nature is a wonderful place for refreshment.

 

[Choweth]

...obviously a deep cry from her heart - she feels called to the Camino ....

David, At the risk of disagreeing, I think this is not the case. I believe Choweth feels called to find herself and develop a clearer sense of her own identity in contrast to the web of family constraints in which she finds herself. She may be thinking that walking the Camino is the only way to achieve this clarity, and that nothing else will do -- in an all-or-nothing pattern of thinking.

Choweth, The logistics of a 5 week trip to Europe can be daunting, and that may necessitate delay. But there are other measures that can help you now on your journey of individual discovery:
1) Develop and enlarge your spiritual practice. Meditation (especially Mindfulness meditation) and journalling, along with spiritual reading are enrichments to spiritual practice. You can take classes locally to get you started.
2) Take a short retreat. Many religious houses in your region offer 3-day, 1-week, or 2-week retreats -- some silent -- which will allow you to get a break from your routine without a huge logistics investment. One does not need to be a member to take advantage of this.
3) Start walking. There are many hikes and walks in your region. Nature is a wonderful place for refreshment.

I understand and thank you. It's
not only about finding myself but also other things/feelings I can't explain. I feel like there is something I am meant to find out there.

 

[ramonvanderburgt]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

You want to do the Camino? Then do it! There are always a million reasons not do to anything, but what's much worse is realising at the end of your life that you regret not doing whatever it is that you felt like doing. In this case, the Camino. :wink:

 

[Rebekah Scott]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

There are a lot of things we do not know about Choweth.
How old are her children?
How stable is her marriage?
She has shared much with us, but we have to tread lightly. Some things we cannot make our business. A lot of things we cannot presume. And all these things we should not judge.

Choweth knows already in her heart what she needs to do. She came here to hear all our opinions, to help her sort it through, to separate truth from noise. I do not think we are telling her anything she has not already considered on her own.

She will walk the camino, sooner or later.
When she does, I hope she stops in here to share her wisdom. I think she has a very old soul!

 

[unadara]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

I know a lot about what this thread means. I am 54 and my children are 31 and 25. I married at 19 and am still married. I worked full time, studied and took early retirement at 50. I have now walked 3 full Caminos.
10 yrs ago I got a chance to go to Nepal with Concern and I went. It lead to a lot of family difficulties. But 10 years later my husband and I walked the Camino Frances together. I went back and walked 2 other caminos/on my own/with others.
I had no Camino in my life 30 yrs ago, but I had many other dreams.
If I had followed those dreams then?
I didn't and my life is what it is now. The Camino has given me great gifts to allow me to live a fuller life now. And my life is full of difficulties now too. And the Joy that I have in my heart from the camino.

 

[Damian27]

I won't bore y'all with the details, but suffice it to say that I screwed up the first 49 years of my life and ended up yelling at God in anger last year, so he did what a good father does...grounded me! LOL. He also told me that I have to walk this Camino. So, after 18 years since my last confession I mozzied on up to the local parish priest (who has never seen me before) the day before Ash Wednesday and after confession I told him, "in addition to the acts of contrition you just gave me to do, God said I have to walk the Camino"....his reaction? " Really?! WOW..... that's rough!" His expression was priceless!

My point? Only YOU know why the Camino is calling you. Wether it is to enjoy a nice few days walk or, like me, an order from the Admiral Himself, or a simple "hell, I don't know why!" - it is for YOU to know or find out.

Don't sweat what others think, say, do, agree, disagree. You know deep inside it's something you want or must do - make it happen!

As veteran pilgrims say in post after post in this forum...it's YOUR camino!

Damian


Sent from my iPad using Camino de Santiago Forum mobile app

 

[methodist.pilgrim.98]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Choweth,

I normally skim read the longer posts/threads but took the time to absorb what is being said here.

In 2009 I met mother of a 6 year old boy who was on the Camino because she is in the same place as yourself, though she was a single parent. Her parents took on looking after the son.

She had been away for a month and as far as I can tell she too was on a voyage of self discovery.

I believe she had not found answers and I have never had the courage to track her down and find the end of the story. She is not a member on this forum and while it would be possible I have felt it was not right to do so. Her work takes away what many of us have - a degree of annonymity.

Be aware you may return not having found what you are searching for.

I go back to two points.

The culture in which you live does matter and you will need the support of those who are shaped by it. This is not to open the point for further discussion, just to say, be aware.

You will achieve nothing without the wholehearted cooperation of your husband and probably some of the extended family. You must start getting them on board.

If they say no, you may be hearing the voice of God and not of the devil. (Yeah, I'm old fashioned and I believe he exists).

Finally, a warning. I have undertaken 10 trips on the Camino of varying length. I have not found answers though I have learned some things about myself.

They are:-
that being a pilgrim is not what I do but who I am.
My vocation is to be a Methodist Minister and my calling is to be a pilgrim.

I now travel in search of perplexity on the basis of, when I know the question I will find the answer.

Nancy Frey has written a massively important book on what happens to people when the leave the Camino. Get a copy from your library.

If push comes to shove I still believe you should come, but you will have to struggle to get here and you will find the journey will continue long after you have left the Camino.

Please feel free to come back on this.

 

[jadidmasihi]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

it happens to, i daresay, most of us especially if you are doing this out of faith.

 

[efdoucette]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

"Let your conscience be your guide"

 

[Choweth]

I ASKED/Talked...I said I am serious and please don't make fun of me because this is not a joke. He said if its something I really want to do and as long as I'm not second guessing myself then he supports me. He said we can make arrangements for family to help out with the kids on days he works. I kept saying, so it's okay for me to not be here, at all, for 30-40 days? He said yeah because he knows its something I really want to do. I feel so relieved!

 

[Kitsambler]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Huzzah for you both! :mrgreen:

 

[Kiwi-family]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Yipee! I feel so much better now that you've talked about it.
As a matter of interest, how old are your children? (if you don't mind sharing)

 

[Choweth]

Yipee! I feel so much better now that you've talked about it.
As a matter of interest, how old are your children? (if you don't mind sharing)

Of course! When I plan to go, in March 2014, they will be 1.5 years old and 4 years old.

 

[Choweth]

Bump...Just wanted to tell everyone my husband said go for it!! (

 

[sempervivum]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

I ASKED/Talked...I said I am serious and please don't make fun of me because this is not a joke. He said if its something I really want to do and as long as I'm not second guessing myself then he supports me. He said we can make arrangements for family to help out with the kids on days he works. I kept saying, so it's okay for me to not be here, at all, for 30-40 days? He said yeah because he knows its something I really want to do. I feel so relieved!

I read all the posts so far.
I'm glad you talked to your husband. I'm glad he said he can and have the will to support you. This is all you need. Trust him that he can and will take care of your kids and himself. You are a good mother and a good wife. You need to feel that, not only think of that. Part of your hold-back is coming from not being sure yet that you are a good mother and a good wife (maybe even a good step daughter...). Trust yourself - you are.
I'm 41 and I have two kids (true, older than yours). I've never been away from home and my family for more than a few days. I've always thought that I have to be there for them, that they need me and I felt responsible for everything regarding their lives, our home... Others took care so that I don't forget that. This feeling is still with me and I think that you need to welcome yours and dare to live your own life while feeling this way.
I'll walk my first Camino on May-June this year.
I felt the urge to go several years ago, but I didn't feel like going, if someone can understand that. Just going away but not having a specific destination.
I began thinking of it several months before telling someone. I told my husband that I'm thinking of doing the Camino before Christmas. His answer was: "Honey, we cannot go!" I answered that I was not saying that we go together. I was saying that I, not we, want to go.
I have all his support.
A month later, after buying the flight tickets, I told my kids. At first, they thought it is a kind of joke and laughed at me. In seconds, they realized that I was serious and, for the first time in my life, I felt their full understanding of me and my decisions! Oh, I needed that so much!
Last month, I told my mother and my sister. Four good friends also know. That much. It is enough. I'm self-employed and I can take care of all my affairs.

So, once again, I'm very happy for you and I hope you'll find this few words helpful.

Buen Camino,
S

 

[Laliibeans]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Congrats! It's great that you were able to talk about it, and it must feel great to have the weight of that fear of disapproval gone from your life.

 

[methodist.pilgrim.98]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Choweth,

This is wonderful news. Now I go back to the point I made above.

Get reading, get planning, get training.

You must do this not only for yourself but so that your husband and children will be reassured that you know what you are doing and that you are as prepared as anyone can be for the Camino.

May I also add from personal experience. Once you have made the decision to go on the Camino you might get what the astronauts called "Go fever".

You still have exams, family duties and you must not let the excitement of going on the Camino distract you from those.

Try not to talk your family to death about it before you set off. I have met pilgrims whose families were so fed up of hearing all about it that they made them bring their journey forward to get rid of them!

You have a duty to hit those exams, papers or whatever your Associates requires. (Bother, I probably sound like your step mom )

 

[lovingkindness]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

I am open to making changes to suit my reality...

..I like that!

 

[Al the optimist]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Wonderful news. Congratulations for having obviously married "Mr Right".

 

[Choweth]

Choweth,

This is wonderful news. Now I go back to the point I made above.

Get reading, get planning, get training.

You must do this not only for yourself but so that your husband and children will be reassured that you know what you are doing and that you are as prepared as anyone can be for the Camino.

May I also add from personal experience. Once you have made the decision to go on the Camino you might get what the astronauts called "Go fever".

You still have exams, family duties and you must not let the excitement of going on the Camino distract you from those.

Try not to talk your family to death about it before you set off. I have met pilgrims whose families were so fed up of hearing all about it that they made them bring their journey forward to get rid of them!

You have a duty to hit those exams, papers or whatever your Associates requires. (Bother, I probably sound like your step mom )

I can understand that! It's all I have thought about for 2 weeks already lol

 

[lbpierce]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

No one who knows me would call me a feminist but I can't help thinking that if Choweth were a husband, son and a father, instead of a wife, daughter and a mother and he/she was married to a woman who was working full time, that no one would be questioning whether he/she should go away for a month to walk the Camino. What do you think?

 

[Laliibeans]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

No one who knows me would call me a feminist but I can't help thinking that if Choweth were a husband, son and a father, instead of a wife, daughter and a mother and he/she was married to a woman who was working full time, that no one would be questioning whether he/she should go away for a month to walk the Camino. What do you think?

Not at all, Choweth had concerns because of those reasons (listed by herself) so that's what people were addressing. If a male had had the same concerns and been in the same position then the advice would have been the same.

It's a very insulting inference that people are trying to be sexist when they are just trying to help based on the information and definitions given by the person asking for advice.

 

[methodist.pilgrim.98]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

I can understand that! It's all I have thought about for 2 weeks already lol

I am away on the 21st April. My wife is threatening divorce if I utter again the word Camino this side of the journey.

So, the advice I am giving you is what I am giving myself. :lol:

 

[William Marques]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Great news that all is well with your partner and the Camino.

This thread is worth reading frequently-asked-questions/topic12580.html

 

[tyrrek]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

My wife is threatening divorce if I utter again the word Camino this side of the journey.

Well, don't keep us in suspense! Are you going to utter it or not?!! :lol: Buen Camino!

 

[methodist.pilgrim.98]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Tyrekk, not when she is the best cook I have ever met.

However, not being able to say the word is driving me crazy. :evil:

 

[David]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Hhmmm . .tricky ... thought of French? Chemin?

Will I see you on the Camino? I will be around Castrojeriz middle April (had to put it back a week) until hopefully middle of May - if I don't get called back to England.

 

[methodist.pilgrim.98]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

David, I finish in Logrono, probably arond the afternoon of May 2nd. I have to be back at work on May 5th.

I was in Castrojeriz last March and I liked the new albergue very much.

 

[Kathy F.]

Re: Anyone else get shot down?

Choweth & Mystic,
Choweth, so glad you have the support of your DH (Dear Husband). The more you prepare, the more comfortable he will be with your plans and goals. You are giving yourself and your family enough time to prepare for your pilgrimage so I feel that all will be fine. Even if the unexpected turns up and you are not able to go at the time you have in mind, it sounds like The Camino has started making positive changes in your life and in the relationships you have with those you love.
Mystic, looks like you've written your "manifesto" for the Camino. Go, Go, Go! Try not to be disappointed in those who are less than enthusiastic with your plans. They simply don't know. Perhaps it's human nature to put yourself in that person's shoes when told of a choice someone else has made. Your choice to go on a pilgrimage to Santiago de Campostella is not a choice they would make. Be prepared, be confident in your abilitites and determination, then be humble. If it was for everyone, everyone would be doing it.
In this forum, you've got thousands of friends who will greet you when they meet you on the Camino and who have heard the same skepticism in the voices of some of their friends and loved ones.
Kathy