First Camino, Going with Hubby-June 2017?

[Wayward1234]

Hello, I am from Canada. Never thought we could go on the Camino as I never thought I could take enough time off work to walk the Camino Frances. We are thus going to do this in sections. We are hoping to start in SJPP and walk to Logrono or less. Am still looking at flights and arrangements and am trying to read about where it is best to leave the camino to travel back to the airport. The biggest hurdle for us will be trying to arrange care for my mother who lives with us and who has memory issues and needs meals and care. She has lived with us for over a year and we have never had any outside help. Today, I called about a relief care bed and exact drop off and pick up days must be given, it is very expensive, and I am worried she might not like it. However, a break would be good for all, and I can think of nothing more than what I desire than to walk the camino with my husband, and reflect on the goodness of God. I have no idea if we can accomplish our goal, but my husband seems quite confident that if we cannot, we simply do what we can and then return when we must. I am hoping that I will have a peace about these arrangements of Mom's care.

 

[C clearly]

Welcome!.You'll find that many forum members have been through similar experiences, when the health of aging parents has limited their ability to take extended periods away from home. Of course you are worried that your mother "might not like" substitute care, but it is probably equally or more important that you get the break you need. A couple of weeks on the camino would be perfect, so go for it!

 

[Wayward1234]

Dear C clearly, Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my post and for your kind words and insight. This means a lot. Thank you.

 

[Anemone del Camino]

My father would tell anyone who would listen that he didn't want to leave his home, and would never go in a home. I took him with me for a few days (very difficult days for me as he would scream for company in the middle of the night, not realising it was the middle of the night) so that some of his furniture be moved to his new place before he got there.

On the day he moved in, we had lunch at the home's dining room and he asked me how long I had been living there! I was 40, surrounded by 90 year olds! After lunch, we went to his room, he saw his things and settled right in, never realising he had moved.

All this to say that dementia can sometimes be more difficult for care givers than the patient. If you do not take care of yourself, you will not be able to take care of your mother.

 

[trecile]

I'm going to be walking this summer with a friend who can only get 2 weeks off from work, so she will be walking for about 10 days, which should put us somewhere between Logroño and Burgos. I checked out several possible stopping points on Rome to Rio, which is a great site that shows travel options between two points, and it seems like it won't be too hard for her to get back to Madrid from anywhere in this area.

 

[rometimed]

I do recommend booking in Orisson for the first night, it's pretty cool and makes the 1st section fun.

http://www.refuge-orisson.com/en/

 

[linkster]

@Wayward1234 My wife and I were caregivers for my grandmother, and now have my parents live with us for about 6 months each year to escape the cold.. Their health is fading, but we do the best we can to care for them. You should take pride in the fact that you are caring for your mother. I understand the quilt ... who will care more or do a better job, how do we balance our parent's and children's needs. You are the middle generation in this trinity. They do no want to be a burden ... they just need some help. Don't forget they want you to be happy. It is imperative that you take care of yourself or you will not be able to help the people you care for. Do the best you can to find a balance. Perfection can be illusive, and relative. I was at peace after all was said, and done with my grandmother.

Peace be with you!

 

[Wayward1234]

Anemone del Camino, thank you for sharing this excellent perspective on dementia. Words fitly spoken to me are like apples of gold in pitchers of silver. Thank you.

 

[Wayward1234]

trecile, thank you for your encouraging words, and for the excellent link!

 

[Wayward1234]

linkster, thank you for taking the time to share with me. You are so right about balance and the perils of perfectionism. I also appreciated what you said about how they do not want to be a burden and wish happiness for others. Peace to you as well!

 

[Wokabaut_Meri]

Welcome to the Forum @Wayward1234 you'll find many here who are either going through or have gone through a similar experience to yourself with respect to caring for elderly parents. I'm 100% with @Anemone del Camino in that you have to look after yourself in order to be able to care for anyone else effectively - and, yes, I know that the (irrational but very present) feeling of guilt can be a heavy burden. Been there, done that several times over with both sets of parents 3 of whom had dementia. No easy answer except that you be gentle with yourself.

Have you considered - if it's possible/practical - a trial week or weekend in respite for your mother to see how it all works out? We did that a few times before trips and it proved very reassuring for everyone even though there were initial hiccups with my own mum. After that we ensured that there was an occasional respite stay when we were back so that our parents always knew that they would be coming home.

Continue making your Camino plans and don't hesitate to ask any questions about where best to access an airport to return home or any other arrangements that you need advice on. There's much collective experience and wisdom here - and, as you will find when you walk your Camino, you never walk alone.

 

[Wayward1234]

Wokabaut_Meri, I think I have been more plagued with guilt than I realized, and I appreciate your reassuring words. I think I am going to look into some trial respite as you suggested to ease the process. This is an excellent idea! I am so impressed with the knowledge, experience and support on this forum. Many thanks to you.