I'd like to hear what others say about experiencing and dealing with culture shock.
One of the factors is the things that we just take for granted within our own culture.
Please bear with me while I set the scene:
I have a Portuguese friend that I met in Germany while I was living in Sweden, at an academic conference. We bonded over Rugby.
He emailed me to say that he was coming to ANZ during the Rugby World cup. I immediately emailed back inviting him to stay with us while he was in ANZ. Initially he said yes but then a couple of days later he changed his mind and said that he wanted to stay in a hotel instead and so I helped him find a place that was central but affordable.
During his stay I drove into the central city, where he was staying, most days to pick him up so that I could show him the sights that I wanted to share with him. Eventually I got tired of this and told him that it was a pain in the a... driving into the city everyday and it would be much easier if he simply stayed at our house. This time he agreed and came to stay with us until he returned home and while he stayed with us we included him in our family.
---- a couple of years pass ---
I am on Camino in Spain and I get seriously ill with Legionella and am in hospital in Lugo. The excellent Spanish Medical System fixes me but I need a week somewhere to recuperate and regain my strength. My nearest close friend that I knew that I could count on to help lives in Cambridgeshire in the UK and that seemed a bit far for a quick dash and so I thought that I would email my friend in Portugal, explain my predicament and see what happens.
He invites me to come stay with his family, at his parents house (who I have met previously on a brief stay in their town while passing through). On my discharge he drives up from central Portugal, picks me up and we return to Villa Real.
On the second day of my stay at my friend's parent's house his Aunt (his mother's sister) dies. My friend has a brother (and family) who live in Villa Real and a sister (and family) who live in Lisbon. The sister and family return to stay at the parents' house and everyone congregates at the family home.
At this deeply personal time I feel uncomfortable staying at his parents house and I offer to move to a hotel. This is immediately and vigorously shot down by everyone and so I stay. I do my best to fit in, contribute when appropriate and stay in the background when appropriate.
At the end of the week I am sufficiently recuperated to restart my Camino and while looking for public transport from Villa Real to O Cebreiro (where I stopped my Camino) I realise that there is no simple way of quickly making this trip and that it will probably take me three days. I am running out of time before I return to ANZ and so I ask my friend to drive me back and he agrees.
During the drive we are chatting and he says "You realise that I am doing this because I know that if I was in your situation, then this is what you would do for me".
The thought that immediately hits me (hard) is "of course this is what I would do, wouldn't anyone!".
Then, slowly, it dawns on me (I can be a bit slow with social norms), while I have been acting within my (assumed) cultural norms he and his family have been way outside of their norms.
.....