Silly me, wanting to fall in love on the Camino

[Damien Reynolds]

Ok, its melodramatic but true... One of the reasons I keep going back is because I'm looking for "her".

This year, before I left for the Camino, I had a dream, literally. I dreamt I met a woman fair, who could keep up with extended distances, who would sing with me along open expanses and not be shy even when we could be heard by others, always telling good jokes in between.

I met this French girl who satisfied those criteria, and we walked a fabulous walk from SJPdP to Santiago in a breeze, together, all along the way, singing.

She went home to her life and her boyfriend.

Oh well.

On a trip previously in 2009 I met a fantastically beautiful, incredibly smart, politically savvy Peregrina from the USA, who could walk like the wind. We met up again for another trip together in 2011. She was recently wed and had her first child.

I am embarrassed to admit it, but these two camino experiences have bookended my camino memories. I also walked with my mother, my sister, on separate occasions, and alone on still more.

Still though, I can't let go of thinking "what if"? What if on my next camino we actually can meet and explore life beyond the camino together.

The romance of it all, we've all seen the young ones get caught up in it. On the Norte two years ago I talked with a young woman who was explaining that she had to get away from her best friend and that new German boy because after three days that couple had gone from introductions to infatuation and then on to incompatibility, obviously causing a palatable tension among their group.

The thing is, when people ask me about why I go back to the Camino, I tell them its because of the like minded folk. Adventuresome. Seeking. The strength to take on the unknown in a foreign land. Searching for meaning.

But really its because I am looking for her. Like minded.

And also because I lose a bunch of weight at the same time. And get better at Spanish. And there is nothing more relaxing than waking up, walking, eating, walking more, finding a place to stay, showering, laundry, eating, and sleeping, over and over again.

 

[Rebekah Scott]

It's true, lots of Spaniards say their parents send them to do the camino because it's a great place to find a nice partner!
Still, in my experience, it's when you give up all hope that The Right One finally appears.

 

[Deise]

https://www.caminodesantiago.me/community/threads/love-on-the-camino.26677/

you might like extensive thread here

 

[anna pugh]

Ok, its melodramatic but true... One of the reasons I keep going back is because I'm looking for "her".

This year, before I left for the Camino, I had a dream, literally. I dreamt I meant a woman fair, who could keep up with extended distances, who would sing with me along open expanses and not be shy even when we could be heard by others, always telling good jokes in between.

I met this French girl who satisfied those criteria, and we walked a fabulous walk from SJPdP to Santiago in a breeze, together, all along the way, singing.

She went home to her life and her boyfriend.

Oh well.

On a trip previously in 2009 I met a fantastically beautiful, incredibly smart, politically savvy Peregrina from the USA, who could walk like the wind. We met up again for another trip together in 2011. She was recently wed and had her first child.

I am embarrassed to admit it, but these two camino experiences have bookended my camino memories. I also walked with my mother, my sister, on separate occasions, and alone on still more.

Still though, I can't let go of thinking "what if"? What if on my next camino we actually can meet and explore life beyond the camino together.

The romance of it all, we've all seen the young ones get caught up in it. On the Norte two years ago I talked with a young woman who was explaining that she had to get away from her best friend and that new German boy because after three days that couple had gone from introductions to infatuation and then on to incompatibility, obviously causing a palatable tension among their group.

The thing is, when people ask me about why I go back to the Camino, I tell them its because of the like minded folk. Adventuresome. Seeking. The strength to take on the unknown in a foreign land. Searching for meaning.

But really its because I am looking for her. Like minded.

And also because I lose a bunch of weight at the same time. And get better at Spanish. And there is nothing more relaxing than waking up, walking, eating, walking more, finding a place to stay, showering, laundry, eating, and sleeping, over and over again.

Awww I wish you luck finding "the one".

 

[Harington]

Ok, its melodramatic but true... One of the reasons I keep going back is because I'm looking for "her".

This year, before I left for the Camino, I had a dream, literally. I dreamt I meant a woman fair, who could keep up with extended distances, who would sing with me along open expanses and not be shy even when we could be heard by others, always telling good jokes in between.

I met this French girl who satisfied those criteria, and we walked a fabulous walk from SJPdP to Santiago in a breeze, together, all along the way, singing.

She went home to her life and her boyfriend.

Oh well.

On a trip previously in 2009 I met a fantastically beautiful, incredibly smart, politically savvy Peregrina from the USA, who could walk like the wind. We met up again for another trip together in 2011. She was recently wed and had her first child.

I am embarrassed to admit it, but these two camino experiences have bookended my camino memories. I also walked with my mother, my sister, on separate occasions, and alone on still more.

Still though, I can't let go of thinking "what if"? What if on my next camino we actually can meet and explore life beyond the camino together.

The romance of it all, we've all seen the young ones get caught up in it. On the Norte two years ago I talked with a young woman who was explaining that she had to get away from her best friend and that new German boy because after three days that couple had gone from introductions to infatuation and then on to incompatibility, obviously causing a palatable tension among their group.

The thing is, when people ask me about why I go back to the Camino, I tell them its because of the like minded folk. Adventuresome. Seeking. The strength to take on the unknown in a foreign land. Searching for meaning.

But really its because I am looking for her. Like minded.

And also because I lose a bunch of weight at the same time. And get better at Spanish. And there is nothing more relaxing than waking up, walking, eating, walking more, finding a place to stay, showering, laundry, eating, and sleeping, over and over again.

Hmmm....there is a flip side to this. In 2011 I was walking my first Camino, from Vézelay to Santiago. Somewhat shocked by the huge numbers encountered at SJPdP, after five weeks of tranquillity, I nonetheless embraced the different sort of Camino the second half was to be. Outside the bar at Roncesvalles I espied a chap who was on his own, looked exhausted, and looked as though he were an anglophone (he was in fact, Irish). So he wouldn't feel too solitary on his first day (it was his first day), I approached and initiated a friendly conversation. He replied in terse monosyllables and fled! OK, up to him. Others chatted happily with me (I should point out that despite my forum name I am female). Five days later, at Los Arcos, I found myself by chance sharing a room with him. I'd shared rooms before with people, including men, and everyone understood the unwritten and unspoken code of respect and privacy. Not so this Irishman. I'd just got to sleep when I was woken by him (literally) leaping on top of me and pinning me down, and trying to penetrate me. I fought him off, and told him exactly what I thought of that behaviour. I was sufficiently articulate that he did not (and was not able to) try again!

Fast forward a week or so when I again encountered him. I asked for an explanation of both his precipitate escape at Roncesvalles, and his assault (there is no other word) at Los Arcos. He replied that both were occasioned because it was well known (is it?) that women of a certain age go on the Camino just to find a sexual partner . I was aghast! In my innocence I assume that - as a pilgrimage - (which it was for me) it was sacro-sanct. I have never forgotten how I felt then that my pilgrimage had been violated by his gross assumptions. I may add that he had been married nearly 40 years, and that it was the first time he had been "allowed" to go away by himself. This was (according to him) the first time he had even approached another woman. despite being a practising Catholic, he thought everything was permitted on the Camino.

Don't search for love, or sex, on the Camino. As I have learned over four Caminos now, the Camino gives you what you need, not what you want.

 

[anna pugh]

I don't know whether I'm more shocked that you don't seem to have reported this attempted rape or that you actually spoke with this creature later on your journey. I'm so sorry that this should've occurred and hope that you've been able to get some resolution. However finding or listening to his "excuses and reasoning" wouldn't be mine.

 

[Annette london]

Hmmm....there is a flip side to this. In 2011 I was walking my first Camino, from Vézelay to Santiago. Somewhat shocked by the huge numbers encountered at SJPdP, after five weeks of tranquillity, I nonetheless embraced the different sort of Camino the second half was to be. Outside the bar at Roncesvalles I espied a chap who was on his own, looked exhausted, and looked as though he were an anglophone (he was in fact, Irish). So he wouldn't feel too solitary on his first day (it was his first day), I approached and initiated a friendly conversation. He replied in terse monosyllables and fled! OK, up to him. Others chatted happily with me (I should point out that despite my forum name I am female). Five days later, at Los Arcos, I found myself by chance sharing a room with him. I'd shared rooms before with people, including men, and everyone understood the unwritten and unspoken code of respect and privacy. Not so this Irishman. I'd just got to sleep when I was woken by him (literally) leaping on top of me and pinning me down, and trying to penetrate me. I fought him off, and told him exactly what I thought of that behaviour. I was sufficiently articulate that he did not (and was not able to) try again!

Fast forward a week or so when I again encountered him. I asked for an explanation of both his precipitate escape at Roncesvalles, and his assault (there is no other word) at Los Arcos. He replied that both were occasioned because it was well known (is it?) that women of a certain age go on the Camino just to find a sexual partner . I was aghast! In my innocence I assume that - as a pilgrimage - (which it was for me) it was sacro-sanct. I have never forgotten how I felt then that my pilgrimage had been violated by his gross assumptions. I may add that he had been married nearly 40 years, and that it was the first time he had been "allowed" to go away by himself. This was (according to him) the first time he had even approached another woman. despite being a practising Catholic, he thought everything was permitted on the Camino.

Don't search for love, or sex, on the Camino. As I have learned over four Caminos now, the Camino gives you what you need, not what you want.

I am speechless!! Glad you got away from this despicable guy. I am not sure that I would have been so forgiving!!

 

[Annette london]

I don't know whether I'm more shocked that you don't seem to have reported this attempted rape or that you actually spoke with this creature later on your journey. I'm so sorry that this should've occurred and hope that you've been able to get some resolution. However finding or listening to his "excuses and reasoning" wouldn't be mine.

Actually Anna is right. He should have reported to police as who knows if he may have tried this again on someone else. Perhaps not,as by you giving him a rollicking may have sorted him out. Some "pilgrim" there!! Still speechless!!

 

[LauraK]

Back to the original post...
Damien: Thank you for sharing your thoughts and opening your heart. I just finished my fifth Camino and each one has been completely different...from light to very heavy but always exactly what I "needed" (even if I didn't know it at the time). One thing I have started to realize is that each Camino is somehow connected over time and has had a cumulative effect on me. I now go with no expectations and just walk. There is something wonderful, especially for a high control person as I am, to just let go. I trust I will get what I need. That is why it is so hard to explain to people why I continue to walk. I agree with Rebekah's comment..."it's when you give up all hope that the right one finally appears". Another thought - maybe you are looking in the wrong place...could that person be closer to home?

 

[jumpingin2014]

Damien aren't you the guy who walked the Norte in 22 days? Here is a suggestion ............... slow down? Just kidding Here is a thought ........ I met my wife months before we started dating ...........took me that long to realize she was interested in me as much as I was her. Who knows ............ maybe you did meet her!

Mark

 

[Seabird]

Still though, I can't let go of thinking "what if"? What if on my next camino we actually can meet and explore life beyond the camino together.

How sweet, how poignant. But how difficult I think that would be. I have not had my Camino experience yet, but I have had other intense experiences. An intense experience generates a bond that is oh so difficult to replicate in one's everyday life. Better to find someone to share your everyday life, and who might someday share your Camino experience. Perhaps she is waiting for you on a trail in the Santa Monica mountains. ....

 

[RobertS26]

On my third Camino I was taking a selfie off to the side of the path when a female voice offered to help me. I politely declined without stopping what I was doing. When I finished, I saw the female walking away. I caught up with her about 300 meters later. I almost gasped at how beautiful she was when I turned to thank her. I quickly apologized for not accepting her help. Thankfully she was not offended. We walked together for the rest of the day. I asked her to dinner that night. About halfway through dinner I pulled out my phone and took her picture because I wanted to remember the exact moment I fell in love with her. After dinner I put my arm around her as we were walking back to her albergue. She stopped, turned to me, and kissed me.

We are now married and planning our next Camino.

 

[DeadFred]

Hey Ivar .. Time to fire up "Camino Match.com"

 

[Graceybeth]

Awe, that is so sweet. I am doing my first Camino this summer, 2016, and a small part of me hopes that something like that would happen too! What a great way to get to know someone and fall in love! Good Luck!

 

[Ahhhs]

Although of course it's possible to find lasting love or lifelong friendships on the Camino, it's seems unlikely. It is an amazing experience. And you do share some incredible experiences as well as lots of emotional ups and downs while forming all sorts of bonds with people. But we all have our own lives at home and long distance relationships are difficult at best. Perhaps joining or starting a hiking/walking group in your area might have better results. All the best!

 

[movinmaggie]

Damien, I think you said it all in your last sentence……I would just go with that and let 'whatever' unfold….or not.

 

[Deleted member 36903]

As a pilgrim I feel uncomfortable about the experience of walking the Camino being converted into a long-distance dating app (although I would be happy for any pilgrims who find their soul-mate along the way), and as a woman, some male members of the forum have spoken about women in terms that come close to being demeaning ways in their posts. Hate to be a killjoy, but for me the Camino is a spiritual journey and it is that that enabled me to sleep alongside strangers of the opposite sex and yet feel perfectly comfortable, long may that continue (shocked to hear of sirjohnharington's experience). Support the suggestion by other members that those looking for love perhaps focus closer to home. Buen Camino!

 

[Deleted member 36903]

Well that will teach me to take so long to reply. by the time I had hit the reply button the post that really provoked this had been removed. Well done moderators - I should have waited and trusted in your good judgement.

 

[Smallest_Sparrow]

To the OP--I'm sorry things have not worked out so far...perhaps the woman of your dreams lives/works right around the corner from you---and will come to love the Camino with/through you. After a 28 day safari in Tanzania and Kenya, pitching my tent each night, I thought a safari and climb of mt. Kilimanjaro was the perfect honeymoon but never expected to find my true love there ...too much about time on the Camino or any "get away" location conspires against finding true love (some other posts here not withstanding and congrats to those few who do luck out). You're not in your natural environment, nor is your partner...life is different when there are bills due, trash to take out, a deadline at work, family/friends involved, etc.

I do share concerns/complaints of others who found overly aggressive males looking for love on the Camino --I came to consider 'I'm on a spiritual quest' code for 'hey, I heard women come here to hook up'. OTOH, I saw plenty of hook ups that happened 1-3 days into the Camino so I consider the women who do that equally responsible for the problem of (as I wrote about them to my friends at home) the Camino Romeos. When guys hear it worked for others they kind of expect it will work for them.

One German explained to me that he'd read a book about the Camino that extolled the promise of sex-starved females on the way. I don't blame a guy for asking, but I do when they don't understand 'no'....but I digress from the OP's question.

Good luck on your search, but perhaps consider every step you take, every day at home as well as in Spain, potentially leading you to The One...you never know

 

[Sailor]

Dear Fred said: Hey Ivar .. Time to fire up "Camino Match.com" . . . Too late, that website is already running and accepting membership (for the record, I am not interested). My plan is to [slowly] walk El Camino de Santiago, and not El Camino de los Novios. Que la luz de Dios alumbre su camino.

 

[naplesdon]

Only fools fall in love...
This forum should not be a "hook up" site, SVP.

 

[Cailin O Eire]

On my third Camino I was taking a selfie off to the side of the path when a female voice offered to help me. I politely declined without stopping what I was doing. When I finished, I saw the female walking away. I caught up with her about 300 meters later. I almost gasped at how beautiful she was when I turned to thank her. I quickly apologized for not accepting her help. Thankfully she was not offended. We walked together for the rest of the day. I asked her to dinner that night. About halfway through dinner I pulled out my phone and took her picture because I wanted to remember the exact moment I fell in love with her. After dinner I put my arm around her as we were walking back to her albergue. She stopped, turned to me, and kissed me.

We are now married and planning our next Camino.

Now this would be my ideal camino!
I can only say, I wish.
Thanks for posting this, it's great to hear these happy ever afters

 

[anna pugh]

Somewhat counter to all the previous comments ; Im hoping for a quiet reflective camino with as little interaction as practicable, rather than expecting to meet or "hook up".. I spend all day listening and caring for others so I'm hoping for a little silence and headspace

 

[Donna Sch]

I met someone who I would happily pursue if we lived in the same country. Lots of similar interests, similar approach to life, we both warbled as we walked...
Murphy's law says that you come from opposite ends of the planet and you are both not at a stage of your life where you can uproot yourself. Sigh. But I would rather that than not have met him. I still have made a damn good friend.

 

[Damien Reynolds]

How fun. An invigorating conversation about love (mostly). Sprinkled with tragedy (sadly).

What strikes me most in the replies to this thread is the whole, "Find local" theme. Damn straight. That would be ideal. I think the hope of finding love on the Camino, as opposed to at work or at the grocery store, is that I am a different person there, one that I want to be like more, (relaxed, confident, experienced, yet open to new worlds). I want to find love as that person. I know I know its a personal issue, I should make sure that the person I am here and there are the same. Working on it so don't give me shit. I think this may resonate with others along the same journey.

Now as far as the people who don't want this to be a hook up site, or the Camino as one, I had no intention of doing so. Just an honest communication of my single most human trait and desire, as applied to the life changing thing I do every year. Hook up is far from anything I described.

I said it was melodramatic, and I dreaded looking at the responses this morning as I woke up, but again my friends here inspire.

 

[LauraK]

How fun. An invigorating conversation about love (mostly). Sprinkled with tragedy (sadly).

What strikes me most in the replies to this thread is the whole, "Find local" theme. Damn straight. That would be ideal. I think the hope of finding love on the Camino, as opposed to at work or at the grocery store, is that I am a different person there, one that I want to be like more, (relaxed, confident, experienced, yet open to new worlds). I want to find love as that person. I know I know its a personal issue, I should make sure that the person I am here and there are the same. Working on it so don't give me shit. I think this may resonate with others along the same journey.

Now as far as the people who don't want this to be a hook up site, or the Camino as one, I had no intention of doing so. Just an honest communication of my single most human trait and desire, as applied to the life changing thing I do every year. Hook up is far from anything I described.

I said it was melodramatic, and I dreaded looking at the responses this morning as I woke up, but again my friends here inspire.

Beautifully said. And that is why I keep walking... I like the person I am on the Camino too. Slowly, slowly here and there are merging into one.

 

[RobertS26]

What strikes me most in the replies to this thread is the whole, "Find local" theme. Damn straight. That would be ideal.

For what it's worth, my wife is from Germany and I'm from the United States. After several thoughtful discussions we decided to live in the US.

 

[Harington]

I don't know whether I'm more shocked that you don't seem to have reported this attempted rape or that you actually spoke with this creature later on your journey. I'm so sorry that this should've occurred and hope that you've been able to get some resolution. However finding or listening to his "excuses and reasoning" wouldn't be mine.

I guess I am of the generation (I'm 68) which - in the 60s and 70s - got used to being harassed, touched-up, and generally demeaned by men. That is NOT to say it was all right! I think now I'd have reported it, but maybe I had only myself to blame sharing a room to save money when the dorms were full. He thought it was a signal. I think he was genuinely ignorant of how to behave, and absolutely lacking in self-knowledge, and really believed a Camino Granny was fair game. I am not excusing him, but I have to forgive. And I can assure you all that my verbal riposte was...well...quite castrating!

 

[pudgypilgrim]

maybe I had only myself to blame sharing a room to save money

No! Don't let yourself fall into that kind of thinking. It's not your fault that he was a scumbag.

 

[Annette london]

I guess I am of the generation (I'm 68) which - in the 60s and 70s - got used to being harassed, touched-up, and generally demeaned by men. That is NOT to say it was all right! I think now I'd have reported it, but maybe I had only myself to blame sharing a room to save money when the dorms were full. He thought it was a signal. I think he was genuinely ignorant of how to behave, and absolutely lacking in self-knowledge, and really believed a Camino Granny was fair game. I am not excusing him, but I have to forgive. And I can assure you all that my verbal riposte was...well...quite castrating!

You should certainly NOT be blaming yourself.His despicable behaviour was his choice to make. But I can imagine the good rollicking you gave him!! A strong Suffolk woman! I bet he did not try it on anyone again! Good for you.

 

[julia-t]

OK, I confess...

My heart surreptitiously and sneakily tells me it wants to meet its twin soul on the Camino. It yearns for such a happening...

Yet my head tells me how unlikely this happening is, and if it did, how it would realistically be very unlikely to be much more than a 'holiday romance'.

Yet stories from pilgrims like RobertS26 (who posts above), Leslie Gilmour, and a few others keeps the flicker of hope alive...

So it's back to the Way in April 2016 - unless I meet someone 'local' in the meantime!

Good luck Damien, and I hope you find your heart's desire.

 

[bystander]

[QUOTE="
Silly me, wanting to fall in love on the Camino
.[/QUOTE]

Wanting? Wanting or needing or expecting?

I really don't think people set out to walk 500 miles in the expectation of gaining a life-long relationship!
Love is not, as far as I know, on the à la carte pilgrimage menu for the pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela!

Holiday relationships are well known for their ephemeral nature.
I've been there and done that many years ago so have no expectation of them to last.
Believe me in the end when back home one or both people will land up severely emotionally hurt.

Of course some will last but the person on the Camino is, more often than not, not the same person when back in own home envronment.

And in any case you cannot conjure up true love just like that.
In life it happens, in my experience, when you least expect it.
So why expect it on the Camino?
You might as well to expect it to happen, for example, in a restaurant or bar or on a train journey or when out shopping.
It just might happen on the Camino, but unlikely.

Forget the wanting or expecting and go with an open mind and you just might get lucky.
But remember the Camino is a primarily a pilgrimage not a dating agency!

However, my friend, I wish you good luck and an enjoyable Camino.

 

[CaminoDebrita]

Love is a gift. Never expect a gift, and you won't be disappointed.

 

[Anemone del Camino]

I guess I am of the generation (I'm 68) which - in the 60s and 70s - got used to being harassed, touched-up, and generally demeaned by men. That is NOT to say it was all right! I think now I'd have reported it, but maybe I had only myself to blame sharing a room to save money when the dorms were full. He thought it was a signal. I think he was genuinely ignorant of how to behave, and absolutely lacking in self-knowledge, and really believed a Camino Granny was fair game. I am not excusing him, but I have to forgive. And I can assure you all that my verbal riposte was...well...quite castrating!

I have seen the book you mention, the one about hanky panky on the Camino. I was stunned when I saw, and bored and incredulpus after the first two pages. Alas it appears some have taken its content as an adequate image of the Camino. So sorry this happened to you. Has was mentioned, never did I think twice about sharing a dorm with men because surlely on the Camino the mindset is different? I will try to keep that i,age of the Camino.

 

[Anemone del Camino]

I also think the idea of finding a soulmate en route is a lovely one. What a story to tell the grandcholdren. But are we truer to ourselves there, in conditions that bring the best in us (fresh air, no stress, no $ concerns for most of is since life en route is so inexpensive and gives us the illusion of being wealthier than we are, beauty everywhere) or at home when we face stress, bills, bosses? Maybe I would finally prefer to me my soulmate here, a person I can like under less than ideal conditions? Is the solution finding someone at home to walk the Camino with?

 

[Siouxzy]

Ok, its melodramatic but true... One of the reasons I keep going back is because I'm looking for "her".

This year, before I left for the Camino, I had a dream, literally. I dreamt I met a woman fair, who could keep up with extended distances, who would sing with me along open expanses and not be shy even when we could be heard by others, always telling good jokes in between.

I met this French girl who satisfied those criteria, and we walked a fabulous walk from SJPdP to Santiago in a breeze, together, all along the way, singing.

She went home to her life and her boyfriend.

Oh well.

On a trip previously in 2009 I met a fantastically beautiful, incredibly smart, politically savvy Peregrina from the USA, who could walk like the wind. We met up again for another trip together in 2011. She was recently wed and had her first child.

I am embarrassed to admit it, but these two camino experiences have bookended my camino memories. I also walked with my mother, my sister, on separate occasions, and alone on still more.

Still though, I can't let go of thinking "what if"? What if on my next camino we actually can meet and explore life beyond the camino together.

The romance of it all, we've all seen the young ones get caught up in it. On the Norte two years ago I talked with a young woman who was explaining that she had to get away from her best friend and that new German boy because after three days that couple had gone from introductions to infatuation and then on to incompatibility, obviously causing a palatable tension among their group.

The thing is, when people ask me about why I go back to the Camino, I tell them its because of the like minded folk. Adventuresome. Seeking. The strength to take on the unknown in a foreign land. Searching for meaning.

But really its because I am looking for her. Like minded.

And also because I lose a bunch of weight at the same time. And get better at Spanish. And there is nothing more relaxing than waking up, walking, eating, walking more, finding a place to stay, showering, laundry, eating, and sleeping, over and over again.

Well Damien. It's not silly. I'm secretly hoping for the same

 

[Damien Reynolds]

Wanting? Wanting or needing or expecting?

Ok, wanting = more like wistfully hoping, but I'm gonna get my walk in whatever the case.

The thing that brings me down about the reaction to my post, causing real introspection, and I agree well founded if only reading the words, is that those Perigrinas who are looking for something beyond our human plane or otherwise wholly uninterested, while walking this incredible adventure, may be subjected to an unreciprocated sophmoric crush, forcing them to crash back down to that banal "how do I get away from this guy" thing.

Thing is, those aren't the ones I tend to want to hang around with generally anyways, wanting myself to be appreciated too. Sure, some communal dinner and maybe a deep conversation, but the vibe is clearly recognized.

I partially agree with all the posters who say you'll only find what you want when you aren't looking for it.

But in the end, I suspect someone with whom I could share a reciprocated love, would also love the Camino. And walking really fast.

 

[Smallest_Sparrow]

SWPa (single white perigrina) ISO SWPo. Must be into rising early, and listening to birds sing; like piña coladas, and getting lost in the rain (-soaked del Norte).

Sorry couldn't resist.

 

[Graceybeth]

But in the end, I suspect someone with whom I could share a reciprocated love, would also love the Camino. And walking really fast.[/QUOTE]


This cracked me up! My kids always say I walk too fast. I used to basically drag them everywhere because I walk quickly, but I have long legs so I take big strides. My daughter was in training at a waitressing job and her trainer said she was the first to be able to keep up with him because he walks so fast. My daughter laughed and said, "You haven't met my mom! When we were kids, if we didn't keep up, she would have left us behind!"

I know that's completely off topic, but it made me chuckle and thought I'd share!

 

[BShea]

While I question the seriousness of your post, I totally get where you may be coming from. Obviously, you're an enthusiastic walker and would love to find a like-minded partner to share your passion. Your experience has led you to believe this is possible as evidenced by the amazing, yet unavailable women you have encountered en route. Have you considered joining the Southern California Chapter of American Pilgrims on the Camino, or starting your own group? As the Camino becomes more popular, I would guess there are plenty of So. Calif's interested in meeting to discuss all things Camino... If nothing else, you may be able to connect with some new walking partners in your area.

 

[SYates]

... I think the hope of finding love on the Camino, as opposed to at work or at the grocery store, is that I am a different person there, one that I want to be like more, (relaxed, confident, experienced, yet open to new worlds). I want to find love as that person. I know I know its a personal issue, I should make sure that the person I am here and there are the same. ...

Exactly! If not the peregrina that fell in love with you on the Camino might get a big surprise when meeting your 'at home persona'. All the best and Buen Camino de la vida, SY

 

[janecaroline]

[QUOTE="
Silly me, wanting to fall in love on the Camino
.

Wanting? Wanting or needing or expecting?

I really don't think people set out to walk 500 miles in the expectation of gaining a life-long relationship!
Love is not, as far as I know, on the à la carte pilgrimage menu for the pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela!

Holiday relationships are well known for their ephemeral nature.
I've been there and done that many years ago so have no expectation of them to last.
Believe me in the end when back home one or both people will land up severely emotionally hurt.

Of course some will last but the person on the Camino is, more often than not, not the same person when back in own home envronment.

And in any case you cannot conjure up true love just like that.
In life it happens, in my experience, when you least expect it.
So why expect it on the Camino?
You might as well to expect it to happen, for example, in a restaurant or bar or on a train journey or when out shopping.
It just might happen on the Camino, but unlikely.

Forget the wanting or expecting and go with an open mind and you just might get lucky.
But remember the Camino is a primarily a pilgrimage not a dating agency!

However, my friend, I wish you good luck and an enjoyable Camino.[/QUOTE]


My first Camino was taken to try to come to terms with huge emotional pain after the ending of a long term and wonderful marriage - and the last thing I was looking for was romance. I met amazing people from around the world, many of whom I am still in contact with - young and old - all with their own stories. And I found out more about myself than I knew was possible - and started to really like myself - perhaps for the very first time.
But, I did connect with someone in Santiago - a meeting for only a few minutes after not having seen him for two weeks - and, anyway - when I was back home - he contacted me, out of the blue - and Romance blossomed - beautifully. He courted and wooed me from across the seas with beautiful words and anyway - I fell in love - like I never thought I ever could again. But, he couldn't cope with the long distance relationship in the end and after over two years of sharing this love - my heart has been broken all over again.
But - I walk in Spain whenever I can because I learn more there about myself and am always met with such loving kindness, from total strangers, that stuns me time and again. I will never close my heart though, to the possibility of love - despite my pain. The older I get the more I learn that I have to stay open, and vulnerable and loving - however much that opens me to potential hurt - and one day - perhaps - as has been said here - when I least expect it, I will find someone who will love me as strongly back, in the way I want and need to be loved. But heartache is real - and this touched me deeper than I realised and something in my Soul was broken - perhaps because I fell in love with someone from the Camino and I thought I could trust them - so beware - but never stop risking love. Not ever - and it does come and we do get what we need - not what we want - for a reason....
Thank you for sharing and your openess - and Bon Courage - and Buen Camino x

 

[mountaingoat999]

My first Camino was taken to try to come to terms with huge emotional pain after the ending of a long term and wonderful marriage - and the last thing I was looking for was romance. I met amazing people from around the world, many of whom I am still in contact with - young and old - all with their own stories. And I found out more about myself than I knew was possible - and started to really like myself - perhaps for the very first time.
But, I did connect with someone in Santiago - a meeting for only a few minutes after not having seen him for two weeks - and, anyway - when I was back home - he contacted me, out of the blue - and Romance blossomed - beautifully. He courted and wooed me from across the seas with beautiful words and anyway - I fell in love - like I never thought I ever could again. But, he couldn't cope with the long distance relationship in the end and after over two years of sharing this love - my heart has been broken all over again.
But - I walk in Spain whenever I can because I learn more there about myself and am always met with such loving kindness, from total strangers, that stuns me time and again. I will never close my heart though, to the possibility of love - despite my pain. The older I get the more I learn that I have to stay open, and vulnerable and loving - however much that opens me to potential hurt - and one day - perhaps - as has been said here - when I least expect it, I will find someone who will love me as strongly back, in the way I want and need to be loved. But heartache is real - and this touched me deeper than I realised and something in my Soul was broken - perhaps because I fell in love with someone from the Camino and I thought I could trust them - so beware - but never stop risking love. Not ever - and it does come and we do get what we need - not what we want - for a reason....
Thank you for sharing and your openess - and Bon Courage - and Buen Camino x

I really found your post interesting and honest....
.
so real, 100 percent honesty here I am hearing what has been wrote, on dealing with your thoughts and importantly your feeling....so many people who talk to me for hours on end miss talking about the underlying reason for why they are like they are today (on Camino)..unless you really dig down deep inside yourself and start from the very beginning your face the same pain again and again.
leave the tracks of your tears on the camino

this year a youngish women said to me over coffee whilst talking about the self" maybe I should walk with you tomorrow".so I said you have to be 100 percent honest with yourself tonight then tomorrow with me. at 7 am I will be outside your albergue. we walk. you talk and I listen....hard productive day with uplifting evening....I saw her again in Santiago a week later..she said to me I know I like myself now..you can't put a price on hearing that, for me I know there is one less person suffering in silence

Thank you

 

[janecaroline]

My first Camino was taken to try to come to terms with huge emotional pain after the ending of a long term and wonderful marriage - and the last thing I was looking for was romance. I met amazing people from around the world, many of whom I am still in contact with - young and old - all with their own stories. And I found out more about myself than I knew was possible - and started to really like myself - perhaps for the very first time.
But, I did connect with someone in Santiago - a meeting for only a few minutes after not having seen him for two weeks - and, anyway - when I was back home - he contacted me, out of the blue - and Romance blossomed - beautifully. He courted and wooed me from across the seas with beautiful words and anyway - I fell in love - like I never thought I ever could again. But, he couldn't cope with the long distance relationship in the end and after over two years of sharing this love - my heart has been broken all over again.
But - I walk in Spain whenever I can because I learn more there about myself and am always met with such loving kindness, from total strangers, that stuns me time and again. I will never close my heart though, to the possibility of love - despite my pain. The older I get the more I learn that I have to stay open, and vulnerable and loving - however much that opens me to potential hurt - and one day - perhaps - as has been said here - when I least expect it, I will find someone who will love me as strongly back, in the way I want and need to be loved. But heartache is real - and this touched me deeper than I realised and something in my Soul was broken - perhaps because I fell in love with someone from the Camino and I thought I could trust them - so beware - but never stop risking love. Not ever - and it does come and we do get what we need - not what we want - for a reason....
Thank you for sharing and your openess - and Bon Courage - and Buen Camino x

 

[Satírico]

Is it really possible to be a different person on the camino, compared to back home? Surely the point is to find out who you really are by walking the pilgrim's path. I thought I had met the one, or the latest version of the one, when I arrived in León last year and I saw her coming towards me across the square, her smile beaming, that wonderful look of understanding and acceptance. We'd met a day or two past Cizur Menor and walked together, stayed in albergues together, ate together, talked a lot. I wasn't looking for anything when I began my journey, just hoping to finish at SdC, and she wasn't my type, but the magic happened and I began, not to plan our future, but at least to have notions about an engagement and a new start on the other side of the world.

Anyway, Camino II is on the drawing board and I'll continue searching for my life, dreaming of romance, but it'll still have to be me that she falls for, whoever she turns out to be.

Buen camino

 

[LakeMcD]

My own experience is that the camino serves as an amplifier if you will. It has the ability to amplify just about any spiritual, emotional, physical and psychological state. So why should love and desire be any different? What you do and learn from those amplifications is another matter.

Buen camino

 

[Pacific NW pilgrim]

I walked early fall this year (SJPdP to Finisterre), and although I was happy to chat with folks at coffee or meals, I really wanted to spend most of my walking time as alone as possible. I needed the solitude to work through some things, and I wanted the challenge of being on my own. I was delighted with how it worked out: there was only one person who didn't take an easy hint (e.g., saying "buen camino" and walking away), and only two times when I felt lonely and wished I had a companion. I got what I needed and wanted -- I met many delightful and interesting people, but I had most of my time to myself. One of my very clear thoughts before walking was that I hoped I found neither a "Camino family" nor a romantic interest. I was delighted with my Camino, it was one of most wonderful experiences of my life, and I am eager to return. However, now that I am back home, I wish I had walked with a partner so I would have someone who shared the same memories. People are so complex!

 

[Pezley]

Hmmm....there is a flip side to this. In 2011 I was walking my first Camino, from Vézelay to Santiago. Somewhat shocked by the huge numbers encountered at SJPdP, after five weeks of tranquillity, I nonetheless embraced the different sort of Camino the second half was to be. Outside the bar at Roncesvalles I espied a chap who was on his own, looked exhausted, and looked as though he were an anglophone (he was in fact, Irish). So he wouldn't feel too solitary on his first day (it was his first day), I approached and initiated a friendly conversation. He replied in terse monosyllables and fled! OK, up to him. Others chatted happily with me (I should point out that despite my forum name I am female). Five days later, at Los Arcos, I found myself by chance sharing a room with him. I'd shared rooms before with people, including men, and everyone understood the unwritten and unspoken code of respect and privacy. Not so this Irishman. I'd just got to sleep when I was woken by him (literally) leaping on top of me and pinning me down, and trying to penetrate me. I fought him off, and told him exactly what I thought of that behaviour. I was sufficiently articulate that he did not (and was not able to) try again!

Fast forward a week or so when I again encountered him. I asked for an explanation of both his precipitate escape at Roncesvalles, and his assault (there is no other word) at Los Arcos. He replied that both were occasioned because it was well known (is it?) that women of a certain age go on the Camino just to find a sexual partner . I was aghast! In my innocence I assume that - as a pilgrimage - (which it was for me) it was sacro-sanct. I have never forgotten how I felt then that my pilgrimage had been violated by his gross assumptions. I may add that he had been married nearly 40 years, and that it was the first time he had been "allowed" to go away by himself. This was (according to him) the first time he had even approached another woman. despite being a practising Catholic, he thought everything was permitted on the Camino.

Don't search for love, or sex, on the Camino. As I have learned over four Caminos now, the Camino gives you what you need, not what you want.

Makes you wonder why he was "never allowed on his own"....

 

[angeliki louk]

Hallo to everyone... I believe that the Camino gives to you whatever you need....,you never know what will happen on the way and thats the beauty.

I walked the camino twice because the way was calling me...I met many friends(that still have in my life and are very special to me) ,I got rid of weights that my mind and soul was carrying for years and in general it was the best thing that I have done for my self.

Last year I did the French way and this year the north way and the primitivo way,both times I started alone and I didn't expect anything....just to feel the beauty of the way....but I beielive that the way provides and every time has something to give you and teach you.

I never thought about meeting someone on the camino but.....this year the camino put love on my way ....I have been leaving for many years alone without commitments, travelling the world and actually being afraid to get close to someone ( for reasons of my past not broken heart or something like that but family loses that blocked me and made me scared to fall in love and be close to someone)so this years the camino made me face these fears by bringing love on my way.....we met in santona......it was a karma, it was like everything was happening in a way for us to meet ,we walked for 30 days together and it was meant to be......I am from Greece and he is from portugal......I won't analyze the story of us because that's not the point,I just wanted to say that everything happens for a reason and if it's meant to be it will find you anywhere.the way is a gift for our souls and minds first of all and then has always something more to give you!!!!!!

So the conclusion of our story is that we wanted to be together so he moved to Greece and now living our camino here together......!!!!
For me the camino has been a gift for my soul and can't wait to be back there at some point!
Buen camino to everyone!!!!!!

 

[ChristineW67]

On my third Camino I was taking a selfie off to the side of the path when a female voice offered to help me. I politely declined without stopping what I was doing. When I finished, I saw the female walking away. I caught up with her about 300 meters later. I almost gasped at how beautiful she was when I turned to thank her. I quickly apologized for not accepting her help. Thankfully she was not offended. We walked together for the rest of the day. I asked her to dinner that night. About halfway through dinner I pulled out my phone and took her picture because I wanted to remember the exact moment I fell in love with her. After dinner I put my arm around her as we were walking back to her albergue. She stopped, turned to me, and kissed me.

We are now married and planning our next Camino.

Oh, I love this story. I am married and wish my husband would walk with me. So many times along the route, I wanted to share something with him. I'll walk again in May, and I'll feel the same. But he will be home on the couch. Ah well... love is funny like that.

 

[Devon Mike]

My first Camino was taken to try to come to terms with huge emotional pain after the ending of a long term and wonderful marriage - and the last thing I was looking for was romance. I met amazing people from around the world, many of whom I am still in contact with - young and old - all with their own stories. And I found out more about myself than I knew was possible - and started to really like myself - perhaps for the very first time.
But, I did connect with someone in Santiago - a meeting for only a few minutes after not having seen him for two weeks - and, anyway - when I was back home - he contacted me, out of the blue - and Romance blossomed - beautifully. He courted and wooed me from across the seas with beautiful words and anyway - I fell in love - like I never thought I ever could again. But, he couldn't cope with the long distance relationship in the end and after over two years of sharing this love - my heart has been broken all over again.
But - I walk in Spain whenever I can because I learn more there about myself and am always met with such loving kindness, from total strangers, that stuns me time and again. I will never close my heart though, to the possibility of love - despite my pain. The older I get the more I learn that I have to stay open, and vulnerable and loving - however much that opens me to potential hurt - and one day - perhaps - as has been said here - when I least expect it, I will find someone who will love me as strongly back, in the way I want and need to be loved. But heartache is real - and this touched me deeper than I realised and something in my Soul was broken - perhaps because I fell in love with someone from the Camino and I thought I could trust them - so beware - but never stop risking love. Not ever - and it does come and we do get what we need - not what we want - for a reason....
Thank you for sharing and your openess - and Bon Courage - and Buen Camino x

Hi JaneCaroline,

I can really relate to your experiences. I have made many long walks throughout my life, but did my first Camino in 2014. It was a truly unique spiritual experience. I met many people who felt the same, and I am still in contact with a number of them.

I was back on the Camino again this year and again met wonderful people, but one particular person whom I met many times in different places became a true soulmate. Every time we met she hugged me, kissed me and told me she loved me, however once back home we have not kept in contact.

I intend to go back on the Camino every year as it is a perfect way to recharge my spiritual batteries. I am never looking for anything specific, but remain open to whatever life brings.

Mike

 

[DharmaBum]

http://www.vagablogging.net/the-dark-side-of-travel-romance.html

 

[Kanga]

@ChristineW67 can you get your husband to meet you towards the end, or in Santiago? Book into somewhere nice. I've done it with my husband and it is the most romantic and beautiful thing! And you do get to share at least a few memories.

 

[Smallest_Sparrow]

@ChristineW67 can you get your husband to meet you towards the end, or in Santiago? Book into somewhere nice. I've done it with my husband and it is the most romantic and beautiful thing! And you do get to share at least a few memories.

How cool would that be, you could look at each other at odd moments and say "we'll always have Muxia" ....

Seriously, sunset at Finisterre was one of those times I thought being a pair rather than just me might be pretty fun

 

[Pezley]

How cool would that be, you could look at each other at odd moments and say "we'll always have Muxia" ....

Seriously, sunset at Finisterre was one of those times I thought being a pair rather than just me might be pretty fun

I am planning on doing my first Camino in 2016 or 2017 and my husband and i are trying to plan on him meeting me somewhere on the latter part of the journey so that we can finish it together.. . We are looking forward to making the memories together

 

[esmess]

Hey Damien
I wish this to happen for you too! Let's be honest finding the one can happen anywhere and at any time! On or off the Camino.
I think what happens with s lot of people is the looking too hard and trying too hard, whereas the real thing, in my experience snyway, takes time - free time without too much examination ir expectation. That's why it iften happens when you least expect it!
You want it, that's necessary factor number one! The rest will all fall into place when it's meant to be.
I think a lot of people secretly hope for that very same thing on the Camino. Hey a lot of people hope for it even going to the supermarket to buy milk!!
We live for such wonders!!
May your wish come true!

 

[Texasguy]

Ok, its melodramatic but true... One of the reasons I keep going back is because I'm looking for "her".

This year, before I left for the Camino, I had a dream, literally. I dreamt I met a woman fair, who could keep up with extended distances, who would sing with me along open expanses and not be shy even when we could be heard by others, always telling good jokes in between.

I met this French girl who satisfied those criteria, and we walked a fabulous walk from SJPdP to Santiago in a breeze, together, all along the way, singing.

She went home to her life and her boyfriend.

Oh well.

On a trip previously in 2009 I met a fantastically beautiful, incredibly smart, politically savvy Peregrina from the USA, who could walk like the wind. We met up again for another trip together in 2011. She was recently wed and had her first child.

I am embarrassed to admit it, but these two camino experiences have bookended my camino memories. I also walked with my mother, my sister, on separate occasions, and alone on still more.

Still though, I can't let go of thinking "what if"? What if on my next camino we actually can meet and explore life beyond the camino together.

The romance of it all, we've all seen the young ones get caught up in it. On the Norte two years ago I talked with a young woman who was explaining that she had to get away from her best friend and that new German boy because after three days that couple had gone from introductions to infatuation and then on to incompatibility, obviously causing a palatable tension among their group.

The thing is, when people ask me about why I go back to the Camino, I tell them its because of the like minded folk. Adventuresome. Seeking. The strength to take on the unknown in a foreign land. Searching for meaning.

But really its because I am looking for her. Like minded.

And also because I lose a bunch of weight at the same time. And get better at Spanish. And there is nothing more relaxing than waking up, walking, eating, walking more, finding a place to stay, showering, laundry, eating, and sleeping, over and over again.

Sometimes things are closer than we think. Enjoy your Camino, listen to the wind, and the rain. If she means to be there. She will be. If not, maybe she is close to you, wherever you are.

Texasguy

 

[Noey]

Ok, its melodramatic but true... One of the reasons I keep going back is because I'm looking for "her".

This year, before I left for the Camino, I had a dream, literally. I dreamt I met a woman fair, who could keep up with extended distances, who would sing with me along open expanses and not be shy even when we could be heard by others, always telling good jokes in between.

I met this French girl who satisfied those criteria, and we walked a fabulous walk from SJPdP to Santiago in a breeze, together, all along the way, singing.

She went home to her life and her boyfriend.

Oh well.

On a trip previously in 2009 I met a fantastically beautiful, incredibly smart, politically savvy Peregrina from the USA, who could walk like the wind. We met up again for another trip together in 2011. She was recently wed and had her first child.

I am embarrassed to admit it, but these two camino experiences have bookended my camino memories. I also walked with my mother, my sister, on separate occasions, and alone on still more.

Still though, I can't let go of thinking "what if"? What if on my next camino we actually can meet and explore life beyond the camino together.

The romance of it all, we've all seen the young ones get caught up in it. On the Norte two years ago I talked with a young woman who was explaining that she had to get away from her best friend and that new German boy because after three days that couple had gone from introductions to infatuation and then on to incompatibility, obviously causing a palatable tension among their group.

The thing is, when people ask me about why I go back to the Camino, I tell them its because of the like minded folk. Adventuresome. Seeking. The strength to take on the unknown in a foreign land. Searching for meaning.

But really its because I am looking for her. Like minded.

And also because I lose a bunch of weight at the same time. And get better at Spanish. And there is nothing more relaxing than waking up, walking, eating, walking more, finding a place to stay, showering, laundry, eating, and sleeping, over and over again.

While I was getting ready for the Camino Friends and Family made suggestive remarks about me meeting someone in Spain. I thought about it too, but not as hopeful as they seemed to be. There were opportunities that I didn't let develop. I was a little regretful, but I also believe in it wasn't meant to be. I think I will go back to the Camino someday, I missed it the minute I was finished. I'm hoping for me I will go back with that special someone to get to know them more and similar to what you wrote that I could sing with and tell jokes with. I'm hopeful that I will find a peregrino love too, even if he doesn't know he's one yet.
Good luck on your next adventure!
Noey

 

[LisaAnn]

It's not silly at all wanting to find someone who shares your passion for the Camino. I've always thought I would find someone during my travels. I just finished my first Camino 2 weeks ago by bike - but that's another story. Hopefully my next Camino will be walking sometime in 2016.

I do have a quick story to share of meeting the most wonderful man I was ever in a relationship with. We met on a trip to Israel with mutual friends, there was an instant attraction. As we were traveling with the same small group, 9 people total, we spent the next 8 days together, almost 24/7. During this time it remained platonic until the night he left when he first kissed me. The due to my career/travel schedule and his travels, the next 6 months or so we emailed or spoke daily and saw each other when we managed to be in the same country/state on a series of additional amazing trips - hiking the Jungfrau region in Switzerland, Mountain Biking in VT and Upstate NY and other road trips. He made everything so special, took care of most of the details and always did the little things. Needless to say, we both thought this was it. Then, I came back to the US... My project in London was finished so I was back home for a while and so was he. Once we were both back in our 'regular' lives and living close to each other, things started to unravel. We both had this idyllic image of each other that was cultivated by the fact that all of the time we spent together was under calm and relaxed situations. There was never any stress. Now spending time together in our normal day to day environments was tearing us apart. The relationship ended around 3 months later. We still communicate all the time, it's very rare a week goes by without an email from him and usually it's a lot more often than that. I probably should put an end to it though as I don't think I will ever fully move on until I do. I guess somehow I hold out hope even though I know it's really not possible.

The specific reasons for our fighting and the issues don't really matter, the fact was/is the person you are while traveling, especially the Camino, isn't fully indicative of who you are in real life. You only get the best parts during this time. The funny thing about it, while I'm certainly not looking for someone, I still believe it's possible to find the right person in that ideal environment and for it to develop into lasting love.

Keep an open mind, think positive and hopefully the right person will enter your life at the right time and place. Be that the Camino or somewhere closer to home, you never know what's in store for you.

Buen Camino!

 

[Devon Mike]

It's not silly at all wanting to find someone who shares your passion for the Camino. I've always thought I would find someone during my travels. I just finished my first Camino 2 weeks ago by bike - but that's another story. Hopefully my next Camino will be walking sometime in 2016.

I do have a quick story to share of meeting the most wonderful man I was ever in a relationship with. We met on a trip to Israel with mutual friends, there was an instant attraction. As we were traveling with the same small group, 9 people total, we spent the next 8 days together, almost 24/7. During this time it remained platonic until the night he left when he first kissed me. The due to my career/travel schedule and his travels, the next 6 months or so we emailed or spoke daily and saw each other when we managed to be in the same country/state on a series of additional amazing trips - hiking the Jungfrau region in Switzerland, Mountain Biking in VT and Upstate NY and other road trips. He made everything so special, took care of most of the details and always did the little things. Needless to say, we both thought this was it. Then, I came back to the US... My project in London was finished so I was back home for a while and so was he. Once we were both back in our 'regular' lives and living close to each other, things started to unravel. We both had this idyllic image of each other that was cultivated by the fact that all of the time we spent together was under calm and relaxed situations. There was never any stress. Now spending time together in our normal day to day environments was tearing us apart. The relationship ended around 3 months later. We still communicate all the time, it's very rare a week goes by without an email from him and usually it's a lot more often than that. I probably should put an end to it though as I don't think I will ever fully move on until I do. I guess somehow I hold out hope even though I know it's really not possible.

The specific reasons for our fighting and the issues don't really matter, the fact was/is the person you are while traveling, especially the Camino, isn't fully indicative of who you are in real life. You only get the best parts during this time. The funny thing about it, while I'm certainly not looking for someone, I still believe it's possible to find the right person in that ideal environment and for it to develop into lasting love.

Keep an open mind, think positive and hopefully the right person will enter your life at the right time and place. Be that the Camino or somewhere closer to home, you never know what's in store for you.

Buen Camino!

Hi LisaAnn,

You have summed up my experiences too!!

My primary reason for walking the Camino is for the truly unique spiritual experience, but on both journeys in 2014 and 2015 I felt so much closer to individuals I met along the way than in my ordinary life at home. I will be back on the Camino in 2016 to recharge my spiritual batteries. I am not looking for anything specific in terms of a relationship, but am open to whatever happens in life.

Mike

 

[lunna]

I find it very interesting that the majority of posters who seem to romanticize about meeting the 'right' partner on the camino are from America. Our European camineros seem to be much more practical in this regard, recognizing that how we are on the Camino may be different than how we are back home I suspect that the reason so many Americans seem to feel this way is because in our country, frankly, we are so self-absorbed and have so many expectations about our ideal partner that it is - not surprisingly - almost impossible to meet a true life partner. It is very sad, but American society, per force, makes us very self-centered; we are a rich, but ultimately, very lonely nation. I myself have hiked three caminos with no expectation of meeting a 'life partner' - focusing on the fact that walk, walk, walk is enough, and, at least for me, that is the best approach - as others have said, the camino itself, be it this one or any other long walk, is (more than) enough. The reality is that how I am on the camino - and I believe most people are on the camino - is quite different than how I am in my day-to-day life back home in the United States. Yes, I'm the same person, but let's face it - for most of us, the camino is not - and cannot be - our real life 45 or so other weeks a year ... Maybe our 'real' me is the camino, but, until we can be on the trail the majority of our time, we are left with our day-to-day, non Camino selves.

 

[grayland]

A gentle reminder to all that this is an open forum and things you write here..for the most part...remain in the public domain.

Do not post any personal information or experiences that you would not want to be public or regret that you posted at a later date.

It is also possible to delete any posts about that you may have second thoughts about.

 

[Kanga]

Alas @grayland I have reached an age where I can only dimly remember those kinds of personal experiences.....

 

[Anemone del Camino]

One would hope the forum would put into place some systems in place to preserve our anonymity as we all have avatars.

 

[Kanga]

Anemone, if you have not provided any personal information on your profile page, or elsewhere on the forum, then your anonymity is safe.

 

[ivar]

Ome would hope the forum would put into place some systems in place to preserve our anonymity as we all have avatars.

Any personal information that you publish on this forum is voluntary. Sometimes when users publishes very personal information, we (the mods) will go in and edit out that information just to protect that user. Contact me in you use your full name as your username, and would like to change it to something else.

 

[Anemone del Camino]

Any personal information that you publish on this forum is voluntary. Sometimes when users publishes very personal information, we (the mods) will go in and edit out that information just to protect that user. Contact me in you use your full name as your username, and would like to change it to something else.

Thank Ivar. What I meant is that since most lf us use "pen names" and our email addressesare never shown, the only way I could imagine a problem is he the system was hacked in some way, giving access to an email to tie to a story.

 

[SYates]

Thank Ivar. What I meant is that since most lf us use "pen names" and our email addressesare never shown, the only way I could imagine a problem is he the system was hacked in some way, giving access to an email to tie to a story.

More likely scenario would be a user posting, over time, a lot of information that can be stitched together, that would identify him/her. If I would go through one random users posts, anybody that has posted a few hundred messages would do, I could create quite a profile from this ... Buen Camino, SY

 

[Pathfinder075]

@OP, I wish you luck.

Personally while it would be nice to meet someone on my camino, its unlikely. I have been looking a long time, and i gave up caring a long time back. I suspect my camino will be hard, and i will be too tired to do anything at the end of the day except eat and sleep.

But if i meet someone like myself, who i get on with, then who knows. But id say its improbable.

 

[esmess]

(-: Pathfinder u just described my own Camino experience and state of heart exactly.... What a shame I didn't meet you. (-:

But we would have been too tired and having too hard a time to be able to speak.
it would have lightened my load to know there was someone similar trudging along the trail tho...
Blush

 

[Pathfinder075]

C'est la vie.

 

[esmess]

Ha ha this whole thread made me smile! It's good to be a bit silly sometimes. Blessings to all the romantic souls here!
By the way I don't think its an American thing - it's universal! And universally doomed most of the time!

 

[Anemone del Camino]

I say add a little something to the Camino Forum patch for those on the lookout . But for something post Camino!

 

[Kanga]

I can see possibilities - place your forum patch on the right side of your pack if you are looking, or the left side if you are not. Or one sock hanging from your backpack means you are looking, two that you have found someone, none that you are not in a relationship and do not want to be!

 

[Damien Reynolds]

Any personal information that you publish on this forum is voluntary. Sometimes when users publishes very personal information, we (the mods) will go in and edit out that information just to protect that user. Contact me in you use your full name as your username, and would like to change it to something else.

Um, when I first signed up I was bummed my real name was my screen name for all the obvious reasons.

Now, when I think about it, and in light of my desire to be the same person at home and on the Camino, its ok I think.

 

[Devon Mike]

I can see possibilities - place your forum patch on the right side of your pack if you are looking, or the left side if you are not. Or one sock hanging from your backpack means you are looking, two that you have found someone, none that you are not in a relationship and do not want to be!

I often need to hang a pair of socks on my pack to dry them, so it is never a symbol of anything other than the fact I have done my washing!!!

If looking for love, how about drawing a heart on a shell hung from your pack?

 

[oursonpolaire]

As an Argentine pilgrim once said to me; Forget your expectations of the Camino-- just enjoy the surprises.

 

[LisaAnn]

Interesting experience last night in my so called real life. Don't take this wrong, I did enjoy myself. I was out with friends at a bar for pre-thanksgiving holiday drinks. I now remember why I don't date often and why places/experiences like the Camino are where I still have some hope, although slim, of not remaining single. I truly have between little and nothing in common with the large majority these people and this type of existence. There really is more to life than the 'stuff' we accumulate...

I guess I'm venting at bit. I know I'm very fortunate to lead the life I do, but sometimes I look around me and know there are more important things.

 

[SYates]

I can see possibilities - place your forum patch on the right side of your pack if you are looking, or the left side if you are not. Or one sock hanging from your backpack means you are looking, two that you have found someone, none that you are not in a relationship and do not want to be!

Excellent ideas @Kanga a bit like the old postal stamp language, see http://www.philatelicdatabase.com/nostalgia/the-language-of-stamps/
Buen Camino, SY

 

[lunna]

Lest we forget, there's always the opposite as well, that is, when you go on camino and your significant other at home, who is not a walker, doesn't understand it, and, upon your return, says 'good-bye.'

Reminds me of the old gentleman I met years ago who owned a used book store. One day, his wife said, 'either you get rid of the books or I'm leaving.' He kept the books! If forced to choose, I would vote camino.

 

[KinkyOne]

Lest we forget, there's always the opposite as well, that is, when you go on camino and your significant other at home, who is not a walker, doesn't understand it, and, upon your return, says 'good-bye.'

Reminds me of the old gentleman I met years ago who owned a used book store. One day, his wife said, 'either you get rid of the books or I'm leaving.' He kept the books! If forced to choose, I would vote camino.

Beautifully put!!!
Thanks!

 

[KinkyOne]

It has been a few days since last post (mine, totally incidentally) in this thread which I've enjoyed oh so much.

Don't really want to disclose all the facts about my experience and in what year (or where) it had happened but I feel so close to Damien in this. Of course every experience, circumstances, facts are different in my case. I hold myself back for a long time in writing this because English isn't my mother language and I was afraid I'd be misunderstood. Here it goes nevertheless...

It did happened and it was so so so very nice, gentle, sweet. Our relationship while on Camino. Helping each other. She was a wealthy younger woman and I was a poor caring man. Oh, yes, I know what you meren now, but it wasn't so. She was also caring - I still dream of her caressing me in minutes before I fell asleep. For many evenings. And I was able to cook her dinners or buy a drink even if walking with much less money than she was.

We are still in contact but nothing happened since as we agreed (much to my dissappiontment to be true) our relationship couldn't work in "reallife". It's kind of OK with me, but I'm still thinking of it although not in love with her. It was just so beautiful. I don't choose my Camino to get to know someone in this way (well, obviously not when I'm choosing so solitary Caminos...) but am opened to experiences as that one was. To make it short - not looking for but opened.

I somewhat agree with many posters that true soul could be waiting in a nearby mall or..., but for me being one with another soul on Camino means much more than trying to make relationship with a person from reallife and "test" it on Camino. I'm all the time present here in this shitty life, full of hipocrisy, false smiles, acting etc. On Camino I believe people are much more true. Whether they don't hold on that after returning to "reallife" that's not my problem (actually it is but I don't wan't it to be).

Does this makes any sense? It does to me. I don't plan my Caminos according to the crowds, I'm avoiding them actually, but...

Love yourself. Love the people around you. Just e kind and walk away with smile!

And Ultreia!

 

[CaminoDebrita]

It has been a few days since last post (mine, totally incidentally) in this thread which I've enjoyed oh so much.

Don't really want to disclose the fact about my experience and in what year (or where) it had happened but I feel so close to Damien in this. Of course every experience, circumstances, facts are different in my case. I hold myself back for a long time in writing this because English isn't my mother language and I was afraid I'd be misunderstood. Here it goes nevertheless...

It did happened and it was so so so very nice, gentle, sweet. Our relationship while on Camino. Helping each other. She was a wealthy younger woman and I was a poor caring man. Oh, yes, I know what you meren now, but it wasn't so. She was also caring - I still dream of her caressing me in minutes before I fell asleep. For many evenings. And I was able to cook her dinners or buy a drink even if walking with much less money than she was.

We are still in contact but nothing happened since as we agreed (much to my dissappiontment to be true) our relationship couldn't work in "reallife". It's kind of OK with me, but I'm still thinking of it although not in love with her. It was just so beautiful. I don't choose my Camino to get to know someone in this way (well, obviously not when I'm choosing so solitary Caminos...) but am opened to experiences as that one was. To make it short - not looking for but opened.

I somewhat agree with many posters that true soul could be waiting in a nearby mall or..., but for me being one with another soul on Camino means much more than trying to make relationship with a person from reallife and "test" it on Camino. I'm all the time present here in this shitty life, full of hipocrisy, false smiles, acting etc. On Camino I believe people are much more true. Whether they don't hold on that after returning to "reallife" that's not my problem (actually it is but I don't wan't it to be).

Does this makes any sense? It does to me. I don't plan my Caminos according to the crowds, I'm avoiding them actually, but...

Love yourself. Love the people around you. Just e kind and walk away with smile!

And Ultreia!

I really loved reading your post, and I think that this relationship does happen for a lot of people while they are on Camino. Personally, I'm married (happily!) and not looking for anything but friendship, but I spent quite a lot of time talking with men who were looking for relationships--not just on Camino, but "forever" relationships. I think what I enjoyed most in my conversations with men was hearing that they wanted love, loyalty, a day-to-day existence with someone, babies, family life. They wanted so many of the same things that women want, a real, loving person who cared about them and knew them, not just a "suit and tie" that earned money, but a fellow human being.

On three occasions, I met "Camino" couples who had "just met" while on Camino and chose to do e - v - e - r - y thing together. Honestly, I don't think that is always healthy; I actually felt like some of these partnerships were not just lust / attraction, but formed out of a bit of fear of solitude. This is just my observation.

In fact, one guy who seemed to constantly be attaching to women (and at least one of them had a short trip, going home at Burgos) as he did not want to do the Camino alone....At least he was being honest. Some of my younger women friends were afraid that he would try to attach to them, and were doing everything they could to create space.

Deb

 

[KinkyOne]

Well, maybe I should add that I was single at that time and still am

Otherwise - yes: caring for each other. Isn't that what friendship and love is all about? OK, and a lot of smiles

 

[mickiet2002]

Sometimes things are closer than we think. Enjoy your Camino, listen to the wind, and the rain. If she means to be there. She will be. If not, maybe she is close to you, wherever you are.

Texasguy

Texas guy - I truly like your sentiment. I am planning on my first camino in May 2016. I think I will wake up every day from now until then - thinking listen to the wind and the rain. My decision to make the camino came after the loss of my husband. I know I have been looking for him since I lost him. Maybe I will find him there whispering to me when the wind blows.

 

[JohnMcM]

................................................................................................ Maybe I will find him there whispering to me when the wind blows.

Beautiful thought.

 

[NualaOC]

This is a wonderful thread - thank you @Damien Reynolds and everyone else for opening your hearts. Your honesty is very inspiring.

When I first looked at this thread I thought it's not not really for me, as I walk mostly with my husband and am not 'looking for love'. However, we both agree that walking the Camino is probably the best thing that we've ever done together, so I suppose in a funny sort of a way we also found or rediscovered love, without consciously looking for it. Not a bad outcome after 30 years of marriage, with all its ups and downs!

Otherwise - yes: caring for each other. Isn't that what friendship and love is all about? OK, and a lot of smiles

And then I also remembered that of all the people I've met through the Camino, there a very small few who I now count as dear friends, and who I care for very deeply. Their presence in my life helps me to hold on to the Camino version of myself and remind me that love and friendship are life's best anchors. It's easy to forget this in the 'real world' - although to be honest, the more I walk the Camino, the more grounded I feel in other areas of my life.
A bit like what @LauraK said more eloquently:

And that is why I keep walking... I like the person I am on the Camino too. Slowly, slowly here and there are merging into one.

So, probably not the best version of this song - but you get the gist! All you need is love. And love is all around us.

 

[Texasguy]

Texas guy - I truly like your sentiment. I am planning on my first camino in May 2016. I think I will wake up every day from now until then - thinking listen to the wind and the rain. My decision to make the camino came after the loss of my husband. I know I have been looking for him since I lost him. Maybe I will find him there whispering to me when the wind blows.

Dear Mickie,
Those moments when the wind whisper to us, when the rain tells us to enjoy it and keep on walking, the quiet yet noticeable songs the birds play for us, they are ALWAYS reminders of those who have walked with us, and now, although not in a visible way, are stil journeying with us.

Buen Camino,

Texasguy

 

[Irma Terblanche]

Ok, its melodramatic but true... One of the reasons I keep going back is because I'm looking for "her".

This year, before I left for the Camino, I had a dream, literally. I dreamt I met a woman fair, who could keep up with extended distances, who would sing with me along open expanses and not be shy even when we could be heard by others, always telling good jokes in between.

I met this French girl who satisfied those criteria, and we walked a fabulous walk from SJPdP to Santiago in a breeze, together, all along the way, singing.

She went home to her life and her boyfriend.

Oh well.

On a trip previously in 2009 I met a fantastically beautiful, incredibly smart, politically savvy Peregrina from the USA, who could walk like the wind. We met up again for another trip together in 2011. She was recently wed and had her first child.

I am embarrassed to admit it, but these two camino experiences have bookended my camino memories. I also walked with my mother, my sister, on separate occasions, and alone on still more.

Still though, I can't let go of thinking "what if"? What if on my next camino we actually can meet and explore life beyond the camino together.

The romance of it all, we've all seen the young ones get caught up in it. On the Norte two years ago I talked with a young woman who was explaining that she had to get away from her best friend and that new German boy because after three days that couple had gone from introductions to infatuation and then on to incompatibility, obviously causing a palatable tension among their group.

The thing is, when people ask me about why I go back to the Camino, I tell them its because of the like minded folk. Adventuresome. Seeking. The strength to take on the unknown in a foreign land. Searching for meaning.

But really its because I am looking for her. Like minded.

And also because I lose a bunch of weight at the same time. And get better at Spanish. And there is nothing more relaxing than waking up, walking, eating, walking more, finding a place to stay, showering, laundry, eating, and sleeping, over and over again.

You'll find her... Keep looking!

 

[Urban Trekker]

Ok, its melodramatic but true... One of the reasons I keep going back is because I'm looking for "her".

This year, before I left for the Camino, I had a dream, literally. I dreamt I met a woman fair, who could keep up with extended distances, who would sing with me along open expanses and not be shy even when we could be heard by others, always telling good jokes in between.

I met this French girl who satisfied those criteria, and we walked a fabulous walk from SJPdP to Santiago in a breeze, together, all along the way, singing.

She went home to her life and her boyfriend.

Oh well.

On a trip previously in 2009 I met a fantastically beautiful, incredibly smart, politically savvy Peregrina from the USA, who could walk like the wind. We met up again for another trip together in 2011. She was recently wed and had her first child.

I am embarrassed to admit it, but these two camino experiences have bookended my camino memories. I also walked with my mother, my sister, on separate occasions, and alone on still more.

Still though, I can't let go of thinking "what if"? What if on my next camino we actually can meet and explore life beyond the camino together.

The romance of it all, we've all seen the young ones get caught up in it. On the Norte two years ago I talked with a young woman who was explaining that she had to get away from her best friend and that new German boy because after three days that couple had gone from introductions to infatuation and then on to incompatibility, obviously causing a palatable tension among their group.

The thing is, when people ask me about why I go back to the Camino, I tell them its because of the like minded folk. Adventuresome. Seeking. The strength to take on the unknown in a foreign land. Searching for meaning.

But really its because I am looking for her. Like minded.

And also because I lose a bunch of weight at the same time. And get better at Spanish. And there is nothing more relaxing than waking up, walking, eating, walking more, finding a place to stay, showering, laundry, eating, and sleeping, over and over again.

Be careful, you know the saying, three strikes and your out! Truth be known I found her and married her 40 years ago. I do walk it for the other same reasons you do but with one caveat, her keeps telling me I'm to old so I keep going. Buen Camino


Happy Trails

Huntington Beach. I used to surf there a looooong time ago.

 

[LakeMcD]

I can see possibilities - place your forum patch on the right side of your pack if you are looking, or the left side if you are not. Or one sock hanging from your backpack means you are looking, two that you have found someone, none that you are not in a relationship and do not want to be!

Hilarious, kinda like when I had housemates in college. Porch light and music on, porch light and music off.

 

[mickiet2002]

Texas Guy,

I keep reading this and coming back to it to read it again and again. I keep wanting to send you a quick note to say thank you - for both of your posts - yet anything I think to write seems trite. But all I can come back to is - thank you. I am touched beyond words.

Michele

Dear Mickie,
Those moments when the wind whisper to us, when the rain tells us to enjoy it and keep on walking, the quiet yet noticeable songs the birds play for us, they are ALWAYS reminders of those who have walked with us, and now, although not in a visible way, are stil journeying with us.

Buen Camino,

Texasguy[/QUO

 

[Texasguy]

Texas Guy,

I keep reading this and coming back to it to read it again and again. I keep wanting to send you a quick note to say thank you - for both of your posts - yet anything I think to write seems trite. But all I can come back to is - thank you. I am touched beyond words.

Michele

Michelle,

Thanks for your email. I am back in the US today after a wonderful 6 weeks Camino. I finished the Ingles and started the French, but had to stop 100 Km before getting to Santiago. I will be back, God willing, next Spring or Fall. It was another great GREAT gift in my life. During this Camino, i had many experiences that remained me every day of what i wrote. Just when you less expected, or when you needed, things will happen. Like someone else mentioned, EL CAMINO WILL PROVIDE, it always knows...always.

All the best to you...

Buen Camino,

Texasguy

 

[ChristineW67]

@ChristineW67 can you get your husband to meet you towards the end, or in Santiago? Book into somewhere nice. I've done it with my husband and it is the most romantic and beautiful thing! And you do get to share at least a few memories.

Happy update! Last time, I started in Pamplona because I feared the terrain in the first bit. I have a serious balance disorder and use a service dog. Well, I planned to hike again in May with my dog, but he suffered a mild injury and I can't risk his health. So, hubby has volunteered to be my service-human and get me through the first 10 days. Then I'll be joined by a girlfriend in Logrono. I can't believe he is going to walk with me! I bet he will be sad to depart the way in Logrono. Maybe he will walk the whole way with me on round-three. Third time is a charm.

 

[Walker 123]

Ok, its melodramatic but true... One of the reasons I keep going back is because I'm looking for "her".

This year, before I left for the Camino, I had a dream, literally. I dreamt I met a woman fair, who could keep up with extended distances, who would sing with me along open expanses and not be shy even when we could be heard by others, always telling good jokes in between.

I met this French girl who satisfied those criteria, and we walked a fabulous walk from SJPdP to Santiago in a breeze, together, all along the way, singing.

She went home to her life and her boyfriend.

Oh well.

On a trip previously in 2009 I met a fantastically beautiful, incredibly smart, politically savvy Peregrina from the USA, who could walk like the wind. We met up again for another trip together in 2011. She was recently wed and had her first child.

I am embarrassed to admit it, but these two camino experiences have bookended my camino memories. I also walked with my mother, my sister, on separate occasions, and alone on still more.

Still though, I can't let go of thinking "what if"? What if on my next camino we actually can meet and explore life beyond the camino together.

The romance of it all, we've all seen the young ones get caught up in it. On the Norte two years ago I talked with a young woman who was explaining that she had to get away from her best friend and that new German boy because after three days that couple had gone from introductions to infatuation and then on to incompatibility, obviously causing a palatable tension among their group.

The thing is, when people ask me about why I go back to the Camino, I tell them its because of the like minded folk. Adventuresome. Seeking. The strength to take on the unknown in a foreign land. Searching for meaning.

But really its because I am looking for her. Like minded.

And also because I lose a bunch of weight at the same time. And get better at Spanish. And there is nothing more relaxing than waking up, walking, eating, walking more, finding a place to stay, showering, laundry, eating, and sleeping, over and over again.

We are in Roncevalles where are you? My friend says dinner is at 7 don't be late...

 

[notion900]

Classic thread! Talking of romantic misbehaviour, I came across an elderly and rather religious American man who 'pressed his suit' on an unwary lady room mate. She was shocked and fled up the corridor in her nightie. He was equally mortified, apparently he thought dormitories were all chaste, but if you shared a double room with him, you must be 'on for it'. Also a Canadian girl who gave dodgy 'massages' in top bunks. If they are reading this, you know who you are!

 

[movinmaggie]

Hmmm....there is a flip side to this. In 2011 I was walking my first Camino, from Vézelay to Santiago. Somewhat shocked by the huge numbers encountered at SJPdP, after five weeks of tranquillity, I nonetheless embraced the different sort of Camino the second half was to be. Outside the bar at Roncesvalles I espied a chap who was on his own, looked exhausted, and looked as though he were an anglophone (he was in fact, Irish). So he wouldn't feel too solitary on his first day (it was his first day), I approached and initiated a friendly conversation. He replied in terse monosyllables and fled! OK, up to him. Others chatted happily with me (I should point out that despite my forum name I am female). Five days later, at Los Arcos, I found myself by chance sharing a room with him. I'd shared rooms before with people, including men, and everyone understood the unwritten and unspoken code of respect and privacy. Not so this Irishman. I'd just got to sleep when I was woken by him (literally) leaping on top of me and pinning me down, and trying to penetrate me. I fought him off, and told him exactly what I thought of that behaviour. I was sufficiently articulate that he did not (and was not able to) try again!

Fast forward a week or so when I again encountered him. I asked for an explanation of both his precipitate escape at Roncesvalles, and his assault (there is no other word) at Los Arcos. He replied that both were occasioned because it was well known (is it?) that women of a certain age go on the Camino just to find a sexual partner . I was aghast! In my innocence I assume that - as a pilgrimage - (which it was for me) it was sacro-sanct. I have never forgotten how I felt then that my pilgrimage had been violated by his gross assumptions. I may add that he had been married nearly 40 years, and that it was the first time he had been "allowed" to go away by himself. This was (according to him) the first time he had even approached another woman. despite being a practising Catholic, he thought everything was permitted on the Camino.

Don't search for love, or sex, on the Camino. As I have learned over four Caminos now, the Camino gives you what you need, not what you want.

Did you report the incident to either the Hospitalero or the police?

 

[notion900]

Just remembered this box of abandoned condoms, which made me laugh so much at the time - Damien's obv not the only one who gave up on romance:

 

[movinmaggie]

Just remembered this box of abandoned condoms, which made me laugh so much at the time - Damien's obv not the only one who gave up on romance:
View attachment 27420

T M I …...

 

[notion900]

And the She Wee too. I hope it hadn't been used...