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Tears on the Camino. The gift of tears.

freescot

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Time of past OR future Camino
La Plata (2010) Portuguese from Coimbra(2010) Levante (2011) La Lana (2013) Francés from Roncevalles to Molinasaca then the Camino de Invierno (2014)
I was reading with much engagement a blog by Solitary Walker and it struck a chord. A number of pilgrims have told me of this experience of finding ourselves in tears. "It's quite normal" his friend said.
What about you?

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There's a post in my camino spirituality blog about the gift of tears, http://www.the-raft-of-corks.com/blog/gift-tears/
 
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I absolutely blubbed in the pilgrim office when I received my Compostela! It was the question "and why did you walk the Camino" - took me by surprise and pierced me straight to the heart and one is unable to lie or be flippant - absolutely blubbed, red face, tissues - almost embarrassing, especially as two women next to me had just casually picked up theirs, still chatting to each other, as if they had collected their dry-cleaning ... oh dear, it is coming back now!
 
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I absolutely blubbed in the pilgrim office when I received my Compostela! It was the question "and why did you walk the Camino" - took me by surprise and pierced me straight to the heart and one is unable to lie or be flippant - absolutely blubbed, red face, tissues - almost embarrassing, especially as two women next to me had just casually picked up theirs, still chatting to each other, as if they had collected their dry-cleaning ... oh dear, it is coming back now!

I love this post David. The camino is such a huge undertaking for many of us on so many levels; spiritual, emotional and physical. I have no doubt that if I am blessed to make it to Santiago that I will be the same :)
 
Hi Freescott - thanks for posting such a thoughtful thread and thanks to everyone for your beautiful reflections - I'll add mine ...
I dedicated my Camino last year to my parents (both sadly deceased and much-missed). As part of that dedication I lit a candle for them in as many churches as I could possibly get to (tears every time) and, like David and I'm sure many other members on the Forum experienced, I was totally overwhelmed when I received my Compostela. I had the privilege of writing a message in the huge register at the Compostela Office so I wrote a dedication to Mum and Dad - I love to think that a small memorial to them both is permanently in Santiago.
 
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I've told people at least one big cry is an important camino experience.

Mine was in the church at Ponferrada on the one year anniversary of my mother's death. I had a repeat a few years later in the same church.

Last year I met a very nice, intelligent kid walking with his grandfather. I really enjoyed their company over several days. I ran into them in Santiago and when the young man saw me he burst into tears. Poor guy was embarrassed mostly, I think, because it took him by surprise. I let him know it was understandable and good to let it all out.

Thinking of him and his grandfather now makes me smile (and cry a little).
 
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I, too, am very moved by these posts. Thank you very much for such wonderful stories.
I had so many tearful moments on the Camino this past summer. The first was in the pilgrim's office in Saint Jean Pied de Port as I received my first stamp on my Credencial. I was so overwhelmed by the realization that there I was, after a year of planning, following in the footsteps of the millions that had walked before me. The second was that evening in Orisson, surrounded by fellow pilgrims and sharing food, wine, and conversations with would-be strangers that were already becoming my friends, the third was...
 
I embarrassed myself by crying in front of some new friends at Monte del Gozo.
I was travelling on my own and it was such an amazing moment when I realized that I was going to finish the journey that I had failed three weeks before.
(Long story involving the Pyrenees, a taxi back to SJPdP, bus to Bayonne and 140k unexpected solo walking trip in England along the English Channel, and said completion of Sarria to Santiago (and continuation to Finisterre).)
They were tears of joy, accomplishment and gratitude.

Cheryl
 
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Just found this thread, and would like to keep it going -

I cried (actually, sobbed) in Eunate. I arrived after walking very fast in the sun and heat of the day to get there before it closed at 1.30 pm. Found the door open at 1.35, went in and sat down - alone - and started to cry, then sob - such gratitude that it was still open, Taizé music was playing softly, and I was THERE in that beautiful place.

Similar situation when I walked into Santa Maria in O Cebreiro and sat down. Such intense gratitude for having gotten that far - and for the peace and quiet and spirituality of the place.

I find that tears are much closer to the surface now. Thank you, Freescot for starting this thread.
Gratitudes... Terry
 
On approaching the archway at the side of the cathedral where the bagpipes are played I suddenly choked and tears began to roll down my face. I was really surprised and although trying really hard I could not find the reason for this crying. I had a sense of a slight shift in my way of being and as if something had been released. I was so intrigued by this experience and these involuntary tears that I returned to the same place the next day to see if it was happening to anyone else. I bumped into a camino friend and he asked me what I was doing. I explained and he said that at dinner with some other pilgrims the night before it had happened to a big tough Kiwi guy in the same way. A little later a french guy I had spent a few hours walking with one day when he was very ill arrived after having walked all the way from his home in Nimes. When he saw me he completely broke down. He clung to me sobbing his heart out for about 10 minutes still with his heavy backpack on. It was at this point I decided to accept that I may never know the reason for my tears. PS - I very seldom cry.
 
I loved your article. Yes, every time I had the thought 'I'm walking the road to Santiago' the tears would start! Then when the km markers began in earnest at the last 100 km, it was difficult to keep my eyes dry. And at the pilgrim's office, I had to struggle not to go to pieces. You're right, it can't be explained adequately, but it is an opening to something deeper that we don't have words for. Thank you for posting this!
 
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I was reading with much engagement a blog by Solitary Walker and it struck a chord. A number of pilgrims have told me of this experience of finding ourselves in tears. "It's quite normal" his friend said.
What about you?

DSC0121a-300x198.jpg


There's a post in my camino spirituality blog about the gift of tears, http://www.the-raft-of-corks.com/blog/gift-tears/


The first time I shed some tears was when I reached Cruz de Ferro & laid the stone with my daughter's picture glued on it. I lost her to cancer 9 years ago. And sometimes while walking I would think of my parents who also had passed years ago & the regrets & pain I felt because I did not think I was a good daughter to them. I would then be crying silently asking for their forgiveness. Also when I was handed my Compostela I don't know why but I burst into tears. Friends & family have said I don't cry-well they were not there when I was walking. I found out that the Camino makes you see & understand your real self & experience a true "me time"
 
Yes, it happens to many pilgrims (including me) but I am sure not to all. I suggest there is likely a direct correlation between the amount of "life experience" you have when you walk the Camino (aka "age"), and the concomitantly greater burdens / baggage of all those years you carry with you.

We, all of us, simply pick up more emotional "stuff" or baggage as we progress through life. More experiences, joy, memories, sorrows, suffering, and loss. Many of these burdens can be very deeply hidden. The longer you are around, the more of these burdens you acquire and carry along "on your back" or in your heart.

All of us vary to the degree we can carry these accumulated burdens until they erupt as tears. Every person is different. Most of us in western cultures are taught from childhood either not to cry, or to "suck it up" and soldier on. I know I was.

The baggage you carry can be something as common as a difficult childhood, parental divorce, losing family, friends, or colleagues at any time over your life. Also, for some it can be repressed and deeply carried past traumatic events. The overwhelming beauty, serenity, and peace of the Camino forces the deep feelings to the surface. This need not be post traumatic stress disorder caused by warfare or violence. It can be left-over negative feelings from failed relationships, marriages, jobs, etc.

Walking the Camino exposes us to the other side of life; the immense beauty, an overwhelming sense of history, serenity, order and peace. Physical challenges aside, simply being amongst all these calming influences can cause any number of these repressed memories or feelings to bubble to the surface at any time, and with sometimes oblique, vague, or indirect reasons. The Camino DOES heal!

Last year, I had the privilege of spending nearly a week with the Rev. Philip Wren (aka, MethodistPilgrim98). We walked together from Orisson until we parted ways at Logrono. He passed away from complications of his type I diabetes later, while asleep that evening in the municipal albergue.

As we walked together, Phil was intent on using his digital SLR camera to capture iconic images of the Camino. He also used the video functionality to try to capture the "sound of The Creator." To Phil, this was the sound that the wind made as is passed through the late winter wheat in the fields to either side of the Camino path west of Puenta la Reina. As a frequent guest speaker on behalf of the Confraternity of St. James in London, Phil wanted to be able to show his audiences the presence of The Creator in nature.

I helped him hold his bright orange poncho out of the way so it would not catch the wind and make snapping noises. But, I remained completely silent as he recorded several times. These were profound silences. It was a beautiful, sunny day, and the wind was cooperative. Phil believed that he sound of the wind through the wheat was the sound of his God. Who was I to judge? But, I shared his wonder and excitement at these moments. It colored the remainder of my Camino.

After we parted ways at Logrono wishing each other "Buen Camino" and "Vaya con Dios," I reflected on these moments. It was not until about a week later that I first heard of Phil's untimely passing at "cafe coffee" one morning coming out of Burgos. As I started walking again, I had difficulty seeing through MY tears. The shared experience we had earlier, combined with my personal sorrow, and overall sense of loss of such a kind soul to the larger Camino Family caused me to blubber like a baby. Fortunately, or not, I happened to be walking solo at the time. The wind dried matters up and the somber day continued...these were not the last tears I shed along The Way.

It happens sooner or later to most of us... and is certainly nothing to be ashamed of or guilty about.

Celebrate life!:)
 
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Ok now I bursted into tears at work. Thanks ;-)

I cried a lot on the camino sometime for simple things as a buen camino or a nice gesture from someone.
I shed tears when I was thinking of my family who let me escape for 5 weeks and when I thought of the goal and the feelings I expected to have there.
I had tears in my eyes just outside Oncina de la Valdocina as it was a beautiful landscape, the sun was coming up (http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-oyrc9qoRB_Q/UoVVl-MMO8I/AAAAAAABDAs/nul2xVJl--s/s1600/Camino Frances 2013-Day15-5.jpg) and I felt pure joy of just being there.
I cried at the pilgrim ceremony in the church in Carrión de los Condes it was so beautiful and one person was crying, shaking, sobbing and i put my arm around her and started cry my self. We had a silent moment of crying together, never spoke to each other.
I cried at Cruz the Ferro when I was thinking of my grandmother who wanted to be there with me but doesn't have the health for it and my grandfather who is dead.
I busted into tears, sobbing, when I first saw the cathedral standing outside a fish shop at Ruá de San Pedro (https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-xl-JgycfOQg/UnwWLosxZBI/AAAAAAABBaw/psR7oKN6Gbo/w567-h854-no/Camino Frances 2013-Day23-8.jpg).
I cried in front of the cathedral when I arrived back from Finesterre/Muxía when an Italian girl lied next to me and sang so beautifully (https://plus.google.com/photos/1182...5954041120024047826&oid=118228126685972344134)
I cried at Camino Inglés the last day because my stupid body made me feel so ill, my blood values were so low that all energy just left me when I had about 10 km left to Santiago. I was angry as I wanted my body to work with me, not against me. I cried because my adventure was about to end. And I cried when I came thou the arch the last time as that meant that I had to go home soon.

/Bea the cry baby
 
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Bea - you are NOT a "cry baby." You are a strong woman who persevered through all her accumulated burdens until the Camino helped you heal. I would be willing to venture a guess that you felt MUCH better afterwards - right? If we walk, simply walk, with no notion of how it SHOULD be, the Camino will change us from within. I found that is just the way it seems to work.

Even if you can only do a Camino once in your life, it will affect you for the better. Once you return to your "other life" you will have the mark of the Camino on your psyche - your soul (if you will) forever.

I consider myself blessed that I am able to attempt at least one Camino per year. There are other contributors on this forum who do at least that many. In fact, there is one "mature" woman who has done the Camino Frances in full or in segments NINE times. Philip Wren had done eleven segments, and completed three full Camino Frances treks before he passed... Personally, I would be satisfied to "live" along the Camino, perpetually on Camino...but that is another story...;)

I am humbled among the greatness and accomplishments of others in this forum... And so, I simply place one foot in front of the other and repeat approximately one-million times...

"The journey IS the destination." :)
 
Bea - you are NOT a "cry baby." You are a strong woman who persevered through all her accumulated burdens until the Camino helped you heal. I would be willing to venture a guess that you felt MUCH better afterwards - right? If we walk, simply walk, with no notion of how it SHOULD be, the Camino will change us from within. I found that is just the way it seems to work.

Even if you can only do a Camino once in your life, it will affect you for the better. Once you return to your "other life" you will have the mark of the Camino on your psyche - your soul (if you will) forever.

I consider myself blessed that I am able to attempt at least one Camino per year. There are other contributors on this forum who do at least that many. In fact, there is one "mature" woman who has done the Camino Frances in full or in segments NINE times. Philip Wren had done eleven segments, and completed three full Camino Frances treks before he passed... Personally, I would be satisfied to "live" along the Camino, perpetually on Camino...but that is another story...;)

I am humbled among the greatness and accomplishments of others in this forum... And so, I simply place one foot in front of the other and repeat approximately one-million times...

"The journey IS the destination." :)
Well I cried under the aurora in Abisko 2 weeks ago as well. I simply cries when I'm touched by something. I though I would cry when I came to the cathedral after CF but no, not after Finisterre/Muxía either but after CI as some parts of me didn't want to go home again. I wanted to start over again and again. I'll be back next summer. But not for 5 weeks but a shorter one. But I don't think I came there with a "hurt" I came for the possibility to spend 5 weeks with me, myself and I. 5 weeks of doing the best I know, walking. And to have time to think of where I'm in a religious perspective. But yes it touched my soul and gave me an addict I wasn't prepared for :-)

And yes soy muy fuerte :-)
 
On a beautiful Mesata Sunday morning, as I was walking I was praying for individual members of my family. When I got to my sister Kate, who had died several years ago of breast cancer and who would have enjoyed this camino, I started to cry. As I turned a corner, just ahead was a pilgrim who had stopped to tie her boots. She spoke to me as I approached her and we started to walk together, me trying to hide my tears. As we exchanged information it turned out that she lived about 100 miles from me - what a small world. She was Saint James to me at that moment.

Also I cried from the first point where I spotted the Cruz de Fero until I could no longer see it behind me and sobbed as I added three stones to the pile of other pilgrim's stones - one for Kate, one for another sister and one for myself.
 
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These posts, these posts - they have me blubbing now ... oh dear, and me a man too!

I believe that it is the opening of the heart. The dissolving of the armour we build to protect ourselves.

Thomas A Kempis called it "removal of blindness of heart"

It is a good surrender, a true surrender, to who and what we really are.

I write about it, in a way, on the first two pages of my website http://www.donoharm.co.uk/

Buen Camino, you good people ;)
 
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I was walking that very long stretch out of Carrion de los Condes and ahead of me was a pilgrim who was crying quite noticeably. As I came beside him, I asked if he was ok. He said yes, he was - it was just 'the camino'.

We talked and walked for a few kilometres and I learned he was from Slovenia and had been on the camino a few times before - tears were a familiar part of the camino for him. I guess they are for many of us.

buen camino
 
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I'm normally a pretty level person, and don't get too emotional about things. I did the Camino for the physical challenge and was quite floored by the emotions that sometimes overcame me. I remember lying in my bed one evening listening to my music and suddenly desperately missing my two girls at home. The last day after arriving in Santiago I received news that my aging cat had passed away and my 19 year old daughter had had to make the decision to have him put to sleep. After hearing this I went outside our pension and ran into some fellows we had seen fairly often along the way and with whom I felt very close. I ran to one and burst into tears and sobbed for some time. I think everything just came together in that moment.

I get very tearful even now, many months later but welcome the feelings. Your body knows what it needs.

Donna
 
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"Ever had a memory that sneaks out of your eye, and rolls down your cheek ....."
What a lovely thing to write, and, YES, I have had several memories just like that which you described Petro...
 
Searching for something else...and this thread came up. Not what I intended but it's gorgeous...and deserves re-airing and renewing. Especially now when we are quite understandably focused on recent unsettling events and their affects on the Camino..........
 
Wow Viranani, good pick, I was a crying nut case half the time. Rather embarrassing but it sure softened my heart. I kept having the same nightmare dream of a soul tearing its face off & screaming. Started on the Maseta didn't end until the day I put my rock in the pile. That day I realized that soul was mine. There are real gifts that are found on the journey. Just have to open your heart.
 
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Searching for something else...and this thread came up. Not what I intended but it's gorgeous...and deserves re-airing and renewing. Especially now when we are quite understandably focused on recent unsettling events and their affects on the Camino..........
Thank you, Viranani, for re-renewing this thread! Maybe it will become a yearly thing. I've enjoyed re-reading for the third time!
 
The first time I walked, I only cried like that once...it was the church of San Fransisco in Villafranca...such a surprise...I walked in and for no reason that I could discern I started weeping. This year, I had to dig a little deeper..it was a harder walk. So all along the way the the heart was getting tender. I wasn't so aware of the openings, but sometimes I'd choke up a little...receiving blessings from the nuns at Santa Maria in Carrion, or from Padres at Virgen del Camino and San Tirso in Palas de Rei. But then, in the most unexpected and mundane place, the reserve fell away and I dissolved into a blubbering puddle. Walking down into the urban sprawl of Santiago, after you cross the highway, there's that statue? It wasn't the statue that did it, but the thought "Wow, I made it." There was the sense of having arrived, safe, healthy, and in one piece--and the still-fresh recollection of whole journey from SJPP, with all its hardships and joys and all the people. And the gratitude...I stopped in the middle of the pavement and stated to sob. Again in the Pilgrim's office, receiving the Compostela it happened again. I stood there , with tears welling up and overflowing at the immensity of this journey. How rare and precious that we all do this, that people have done this before us and will continue to do so after we are gone...in this ever crazier world...
 
Viranani - when I walked into the church at Rabanal - the same thing happened to me, I started weeping and weeping. Maybe I was already thinking about and preparing myself for the moment I would put down my stone at the foot of the cross.
 
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Viranani - when I walked into the church at Rabanal - the same thing happened to me, I started weeping and weeping. Maybe I was already thinking about and preparing myself for the moment I would put down my stone at the foot of the cross.
Hi Petro - thanks for sharing your feelings when in the church at Rabanal. There's something so special about this church - being there for Vespers - and to hear the beautiful chanting by the monks - especially Father Javier who has the most wonderful chanting voice - is something that brought me to tears and still has the power to do so. It's stayed with me ever since that time and the memory is so clear.
 
I filled up with emotion while talking to the two Irish Amigos after receiving my Compostela in September 2012. I was delighted to see Sheila again when in the Pilgrim's Office last September and at the English Mass.
 
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My first tears of the Camino were on the train in Bayonne, when I saw the first pilgrims. Then again at the Mass in Roncesvalles. But when I got to the Cruz de Ferro, I totally lost it: put my arm around the wooden post and couldn't stop sobbing! I thought I was the only one! Other tears on and off, until I went into the church at a Palace del Rey and have no idea why, in the middle of the day, I would have carried on like that again, except that I felt such GRATITUDE for everything - the Camino, my life, my family, my health, etc. etc. Then, I was teary all the ways into Santiago from Mont de Gozo and I was sure that the people in the Pilgrim's office thought I was crazy because I couldn't stop crying. As I stood there behind the altar sobbing and hugging the statue of St. James, I felt such a peace and comfort come over me - it was amazing!

And then, of course, meeting up with my walking companion after 3 1/2 weeks (she had been injured and had to bus ahead) we both had amazing waterworks!
And, of course I cam mot read the LaFaba poem all the way through dry eyed either --even now!
Thank you everyone - as I have been reading this, the tears have started again in earnest!
 
I hadn't come across this thread before, but it reappeared due to the last few recent posts.
Coincidentally, I was re-reading my journal from 2012 last night, (all part of the psyching up process; I leave in 4 days), and I was surprised to find the following.

"Up at 7.45 and off to the Cathedral before the crowds. I stay and attend the 8.30 mass from the very front pew. At the sign of peace, I turn to the pew behind me and am surprised to come face to face with a fellow peregrin0 from the VdlP. We have crossed paths at least twice, the last time in the darkness when he was first up at Ourense and I was second. It is so emotional for me to shake his hand, that the tears come for the first time. And I don't even know his name.
I go for a wander and spend too much time in souvenir shops.
Returning for the Pilgrim Mass at noon, I am just in time for the reading of pilgrim arrivals from yesterday. First the priest, who is very amiable and is enjoying himself, reads his list of pilgrim arrivals categorised by nationality. "De Australia, uno", so that's me of course. Then comes the list of pilgrim numbers from point of origin. "De Sevilla, uno". Me again! I'm the only one completing from Seville who arrived yesterday, so my companion at this morning's mass must have just arrived.
 
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I'm tearing up now. I usually cry when I am frustrated or angry, but this is much better.

I want to leave now for my next camino, but have to wait until this time next year.
 
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