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methodist.pilgrim.98 said:If you are not of legal age (16+ in the UK for some things - like being able to leave home and not have the police drag you back- and 18+ to be regarded as a true adult) then you have a problem and they may have a valid point of view.
methodist.pilgrim.98 said:Then Choweth, welcome to the forum, get reading, get planning, get training and go for it.
Don't listen to other people's fears disguised as laughter. I wish I had first walked the Camino at 23 and not 41.
Too many people are afraid to travel because of the unknown and because it is outside of their comfort zone. Their loss.
The first step on the Road to St James is to say to yourself, I'm going. People in wheelchairs have managed it and so can you.
Dont let anyone say, you can't speak Spanish (lots of pilgrims cant), your not fit enough (tell that to the 82 year old Italian lady I met who had already walked SJPP to SdC and was now heading to Finisterre), you don't know what youre doing (how else do you learn), and so on.
Choweth said:Does anyone get laughed at for wanting to do the camino or the thought of traveling? Why do you do/say?
Lise T said:hmmmmm Sadly you are not alone in being shot down.
Pei2spain said:Choweth......I'm not sure where you are from but if you can find a local friends of the Camino group, you will find a lots of support and like minded people there. In Canada, it is called the Canadian Company of Pilgrims and they have chapters in several cities. There is a similar organization in the USA, I believe. Don't let the naysayers get you down. They are probably envious that you have the guts to take on the challenge!!! I wish you the best on Your Camino.
dduroy said:I think that some, if not most people don't understand, because the Camino hasn't chosen them. They find it odd that you would pilgrimage across Spain. They don't understand that once it gets a hold of you that you will go.
First opportunity you get, book the flight! Don't wait for confirmation from anyone else. Everything else will work out and you will have a goal to work towards.
Kiwi-family said:At the end of the day, not everyone will understand......but I have found thanking people for their concern heals potential rifts! Plus, I ask *exactly* what their concern is so that I can give it due consideration. That way they have the opportunity to engage in the conversation and do not necessarily become The Enemy. In these face-to-face discussions I tend to NOT defend and just ask questions - people appreciate being listened to, and for those who have genuine issues (especially fears) about your decision it can be a valuable thing for them to get to speak. It can also win people over - much more than bursting into tears or launching into an aggressive tirade. You don't need to prove yourself - just be gracious and get on with the journey.
LiseT, I hear your hurt on being accused of not having children. Let me assure you it is no better WITH kids - "It is irresponsible to force poor little kids to walk" you know!
Choweth said:I have 2 kids and I feel bad for leaving a husband behind to take care of them. Then, on the other hand I think maybe this is when he will have a true appreciation of me and my everyday duties with them and that I don't just sit on my booty and watch TV.
Kiwi-family said:Choweth said:I have 2 kids and I feel bad for leaving a husband behind to take care of them. Then, on the other hand I think maybe this is when he will have a true appreciation of me and my everyday duties with them and that I don't just sit on my booty and watch TV.
When I told my hubby I wanted to do the Camino he said, "Right, we'll all go"
It meant we couldn't do the whole thing, because he couldn't get enough time off work, but it was WONDERFUL.
That said, we met a father-of-five, who was walking alone.
Could I suggest that you approach the topic with a "Honey how would you feel if I...???" and not "Darling I'm going and I'm sure you'll be fine". (just trying to help your cause :wink: )
methodist.pilgrim.98 said:This thread is getting very interesting and there is some honesty going on here that I like but also requires sensitivity. We are treading on dreams and fears.
Choweth, at some point soon you are going to have to ask your husband if we will support you in going. There is a thin line between asking his permission - for you are his wife not his property - but also that when you exchanged vows you agreed to being a partnership. That means you have to have regard for his point of view as well, though I hope he will not laugh.
Recognising that he may be jealous of you going and that he will have to pick up the burden of caring for the children. You will have to negotiate the practicalities of this.
You could suggest that this time you will walk and as soon as the window of opportunity opens you will let him go even if it is not convenient to you.
My wife has Never wanted to walk the Camino but she has always been supportive. She is 13 years older than myself and heading for her 69th in April. She cannot cope with my being away for more than 17 days and that is something I have to accept.
She makes no fuss about me going but the journey has to be to within those limits. Living in England that is possible. I have the joy that when we were younger I was able ot walk SJPP to SdC in one go so that makes returning for shorter stretches all the easier.
My long winded point is this. We talked about it, we agreed what was acceptable to both of us and it works out fine.
The key to handling this is talking and listening.
By the way, any lady who has two children should not be laughed at by anyone. I have raised children and walking the Camino is a doddle in comparison. If you are juggling being a mum with studying you are one capable lady.
Each country has its own mini cultures and I wonder if I dare ask if Texan attitudes are that the ladies are still the weaker sex - the weak creatures of yore who need to be protected from the nastiness of the world? It exists in some parts of the UK even now. If you are a woman you need looking after and you cannot function independently of a man? (I just hope this is not going to get me in Big Trouble. :shock: )
Edited addition. Kitsambler that is a great insight and supports my local culture perspective.
Choweth said:I understand leaving children "behind" is not great. If he disagreed, i would wait for another time. However, I don't want having children to stop me (if he's supportive) because I do have my own identity. I need to find who I am though. I am someone's wife someone's daughter someone's mother but who am I? I want them to grow up and know that all of life is possible with kids too. Whether its going college or traveling.
Choweth said:While gone, my husband can take a day off here and there if he needs to so that is not a problem. He just couldn't take a month off to come too. We have many people who could help with the kids.
I also want to add that it IS important to find out who you are.
fortview said:When I told my 81 year old mum, that I was going to do something very selfish, and walk the camino, she thought I was mad! Her words were " it'll be torture, you mark my words, torture" !
I worried about not being able to see her, what if she got ill? BUT I'm only from the UK, easy enough to go back.... Had to wait to retire., and the kids to grow up, before this adventure, but there are still commitments at home.
Choweth, I understand you want to do it, but here's another thing... You have to go home afterwards and get on with your life. And lots of people find that difficult, to settle back into the routines, dreaming of the camino, itching to get back. It's addictive!
Choweth said:I've heard that before, that some people change forever. That its hard to go back to life as they knew it. I'm hoping that will be a good thing and I will come back a new, inspired, happier, selfless, person (of course, just me hoping). I know also you can "find" things along the way you weren't even expecting.
David said:...obviously a deep cry from her heart - she feels called to the Camino ....
Kitsambler said:David said:...obviously a deep cry from her heart - she feels called to the Camino ....
David, At the risk of disagreeing, I think this is not the case. I believe Choweth feels called to find herself and develop a clearer sense of her own identity in contrast to the web of family constraints in which she finds herself. She may be thinking that walking the Camino is the only way to achieve this clarity, and that nothing else will do -- in an all-or-nothing pattern of thinking.
Choweth, The logistics of a 5 week trip to Europe can be daunting, and that may necessitate delay. But there are other measures that can help you now on your journey of individual discovery:
1) Develop and enlarge your spiritual practice. Meditation (especially Mindfulness meditation) and journalling, along with spiritual reading are enrichments to spiritual practice. You can take classes locally to get you started.
2) Take a short retreat. Many religious houses in your region offer 3-day, 1-week, or 2-week retreats -- some silent -- which will allow you to get a break from your routine without a huge logistics investment. One does not need to be a member to take advantage of this.
3) Start walking. There are many hikes and walks in your region. Nature is a wonderful place for refreshment.
Kiwi-family said:Yipee! I feel so much better now that you've talked about it.
As a matter of interest, how old are your children? (if you don't mind sharing)
I read all the posts so far.Choweth said:I ASKED/Talked...I said I am serious and please don't make fun of me because this is not a joke. He said if its something I really want to do and as long as I'm not second guessing myself then he supports me. He said we can make arrangements for family to help out with the kids on days he works. I kept saying, so it's okay for me to not be here, at all, for 30-40 days? He said yeah because he knows its something I really want to do. I feel so relieved!
Mysticl said:I am open to making changes to suit my reality...
methodist.pilgrim.98 said:Choweth,
This is wonderful news. Now I go back to the point I made above.
Get reading, get planning, get training.
You must do this not only for yourself but so that your husband and children will be reassured that you know what you are doing and that you are as prepared as anyone can be for the Camino.
May I also add from personal experience. Once you have made the decision to go on the Camino you might get what the astronauts called "Go fever".
You still have exams, family duties and you must not let the excitement of going on the Camino distract you from those.
Try not to talk your family to death about it before you set off. I have met pilgrims whose families were so fed up of hearing all about it that they made them bring their journey forward to get rid of them!
You have a duty to hit those exams, papers or whatever your Associates requires. (Bother, I probably sound like your step mom)
lbpierce said:No one who knows me would call me a feminist but I can't help thinking that if Choweth were a husband, son and a father, instead of a wife, daughter and a mother and he/she was married to a woman who was working full time, that no one would be questioning whether he/she should go away for a month to walk the Camino. What do you think?
I can understand that! It's all I have thought about for 2 weeks already lol
Well, don't keep us in suspense! Are you going to utter it or not?!! :lol: Buen Camino!methodist.pilgrim.98 said:My wife is threatening divorce if I utter again the word Camino this side of the journey.
However said:Hhmmm . .tricky ... thought of French? Chemin?
Will I see you on the Camino? I will be around Castrojeriz middle April (had to put it back a week) until hopefully middle of May - if I don't get called back to England.
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