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I went on the Camino the day after my marriage ended. I too had suffered with the Black Dog for a long time and was pretty well depressed when I set out, to the point that I had contemplated suicide. Going on the Camino was an alternative to my other choice, spending time living on a beach somewhere, drinking whisky and engaging in what would ultimately have been very destructive behaviour. Instead I chose the Camino.
I think it was my third day, leaving Molinaseca in the dark, very early, completely alone in the whole world. Dogs were barking from every house I passed as I left town, it was horrible. I felt like a total and utter outcast.
It took time but the Camino changed me as I went. The best tips I can give you are, in no particular order:
- have no expectations. Just go. Just do it. Just walk. Don't try to achieve anything. Don't have aims. Don't set yourself up to be let down when it doesn't meet your assumptions.
- talk to everyone. No matter how alone you think you are, no matter what fear of rejection you have. No-one will reject you. People may make it clear they aren't in the mood to talk but that is a statement about their mood at that moment, not about you. On my first day I met a woman who was almost rude, later we became very good friends. It turned out she was struggling with the cold and the mountains and did not want company. The vast majority of people will be happy to at least pass a "buen camino", most will want to pass a mile or two. Some will become very good friends if you allow. And it will only happen if you approach people AND allow friendship.
- be honest. Don't skirt around whatever issues you have, don't make stuff up to cover up why you're walking or because you're embarassed about your real story. The people who will become your friends will appreciate it.
- just walk. Go with it. For the first few days your mind will be a rambling mess if you set off with issues. Stick with it because you just can't "do" your problems 24/7. A while after you are into it you'll notice your negative thoughts start becoming less frequent. Eventually you reach a point where you are just walking, there are no thoughts other than your experience of being there in the moment. I suspect this is what is meant by "zen".
- be part of it. You are on an amazing adventure that few people get to experience. Immerse yourself in it. The Camino will not let you be a bystander.
- when you get to Santiago, celebrate!
- when you leave Santiago keep the momentum going
- keep a journal. Put every step, every thought, every event in it. Read it back on the way home. You WILL see a change.
I was a total and utter mess when I set off. The Camino saved me. That is no exagerration.
Good luck,
Stuart
How beautifully put: I hope Antonio is already starting to see what a good life he's heading at.Antonio you are making friends already with your open heart .
Buen Comino pilgrim
That's an inspiring testimony to the Camino, Stuart. Thank you for sharing it.
How beautifully put: I hope Antonio is already starting to see what a good life he's heading at.
You cannot. Educate it in stead. Place yourself in the driver's seat. You will reap great rewards.---I'm also looking to escape from my mind a bit.
I went on the Camino the day after my marriage ended. I too had suffered with the Black Dog for a long time and was pretty well depressed when I set out, to the point that I had contemplated suicide. Going on the Camino was an alternative to my other choice, spending time living on a beach somewhere, drinking whisky and engaging in what would ultimately have been very destructive behaviour. Instead I chose the Camino.
I think it was my third day, leaving Molinaseca in the dark, very early, completely alone in the whole world. Dogs were barking from every house I passed as I left town, it was horrible. I felt like a total and utter outcast.
It took time but the Camino changed me as I went. The best tips I can give you are, in no particular order:
- have no expectations. Just go. Just do it. Just walk. Don't try to achieve anything. Don't have aims. Don't set yourself up to be let down when it doesn't meet your assumptions.
- talk to everyone. No matter how alone you think you are, no matter what fear of rejection you have. No-one will reject you. People may make it clear they aren't in the mood to talk but that is a statement about their mood at that moment, not about you. On my first day I met a woman who was almost rude, later we became very good friends. It turned out she was struggling with the cold and the mountains and did not want company. The vast majority of people will be happy to at least pass a "buen camino", most will want to pass a mile or two. Some will become very good friends if you allow. And it will only happen if you approach people AND allow friendship.
- be honest. Don't skirt around whatever issues you have, don't make stuff up to cover up why you're walking or because you're embarassed about your real story. The people who will become your friends will appreciate it.
- just walk. Go with it. For the first few days your mind will be a rambling mess if you set off with issues. Stick with it because you just can't "do" your problems 24/7. A while after you are into it you'll notice your negative thoughts start becoming less frequent. Eventually you reach a point where you are just walking, there are no thoughts other than your experience of being there in the moment. I suspect this is what is meant by "zen".
- be part of it. You are on an amazing adventure that few people get to experience. Immerse yourself in it. The Camino will not let you be a bystander.
- when you get to Santiago, celebrate!
- when you leave Santiago keep the momentum going
- keep a journal. Put every step, every thought, every event in it. Read it back on the way home. You WILL see a change.
I was a total and utter mess when I set off. The Camino saved me. That is no exagerration.
Good luck,
Stuart
A couple of my favourite movies are Into the Wild and Tracks. These true life stories depict people that were traumatized by life situations. Their need to get away from people and venture into the wildness of nature was a way to deal with their feelings of being an outcast, of not fitting in and of not knowing how to fit in. I relate to the characters depicted in these movies.
I feel that my drive to do the Camino as a pilgrim, is because of my constant mental anguish. Mental anguish revolving around never quite feeling I fit in with people, friends, family, society and culture.
I hate feeling so alone in life but constantly choose to do things alone as it further validates my own perceptions of not feeling important to anyone. I have struggled with depression (which is probably obvious now) my entire life and know this to be the main reason for feeling the way I do.
A real fear I have is feeling depressed during my Camino. It's bound to happen. Over the span of at least a month, if not more, I'm bound to have boughts of depression. Being in another country should give me a sense of joy and happiness I haven't felt before. If I don't have that feeling I fear that the Camino will turn into an unrelenting chore instead of an enlightening experience.
In essence what I am sharing is my hope that my Camino will heal my depression. An unscientific and unrealistic hope to be sure. But still, a hope.
Does anybody else feel similar to what I have shared? If anyone is brave enough to share their wisdom and guidance I would appreciate it very much.
Please and thank you.
Antonio.
Aside from therapy which is helpful I have been more honest with people in sharing with them my mental struggle. In taking a risk by making myself vulnerable instead of keeping it all to myself, I hope that me expressing my self and my feelings helps in some sort of healing process.
Hi Antonio,A couple of my favourite movies are Into the Wild and Tracks. These true life stories depict people that were traumatized by life situations. Their need to get away from people and venture into the wildness of nature was a way to deal with their feelings of being an outcast, of not fitting in and of not knowing how to fit in. I relate to the characters depicted in these movies.
I feel that my drive to do the Camino as a pilgrim, is because of my constant mental anguish. Mental anguish revolving around never quite feeling I fit in with people, friends, family, society and culture.
I hate feeling so alone in life but constantly choose to do things alone as it further validates my own perceptions of not feeling important to anyone. I have struggled with depression (which is probably obvious now) my entire life and know this to be the main reason for feeling the way I do.
A real fear I have is feeling depressed during my Camino. It's bound to happen. Over the span of at least a month, if not more, I'm bound to have boughts of depression. Being in another country should give me a sense of joy and happiness I haven't felt before. If I don't have that feeling I fear that the Camino will turn into an unrelenting chore instead of an enlightening experience.
In essence what I am sharing is my hope that my Camino will heal my depression. An unscientific and unrealistic hope to be sure. But still, a hope.
Does anybody else feel similar to what I have shared? If anyone is brave enough to share their wisdom and guidance I would appreciate it very much.
Please and thank you.
Antonio.
Hi Antonio ; )Thanks to everyone for sharing your insights. I've started to take a different approach with dealing with my depression. Aside from therapy which is helpful I have been more honest with people in sharing with them my mental struggle. In taking a risk by making myself vulnerable instead of keeping it all to myself, I hope that me expressing my self and my feelings helps in some sort of healing process.
I understand that having expectations may lead to disappointments. That being said I do have an expectation of coming home from the camino a different person. Somehow, a person who has figured out my place on this planet.
If anything, I am hopeful that coming home after walking across Spain will give me a sense of confidence I haven't experiended before. I imagine I would feel content with experiencing this upon my return to my life from the Camino.
Thank you again everyone for your words of support.
Antonio.
Absolutely agree JohnMcM my only hope is we also helped!ilovelife, alexwalker, StuartM, Alexsterr, Cheynee, ChristineW67,
Courageous honesty such as that shown in your posts above can be a rare thing for others to experience. I feel humbled and honoured that you saw fit to publicly share your thoughts and fears with all of us in this way, I thank you for your trust.
Buen Camino
You cannot. Educate it in stead. Place yourself in the driver's seat. You will reap great rewards.
If I may ask: how, exactly? Or with what must it be educated?
I hope this helps you make contactYou cannot. Educate it in stead. Place yourself in the driver's seat. You will reap great rewards.
If I may ask: how, exactly? Or with what must it be educated?
I understand that having expectations may lead to disappointments. That being said I do have an expectation of coming home from the camino a different person. Somehow, a person who has figured out my place on this planet.
If anything, I am hopeful that coming home after walking across Spain will give me a sense of confidence I haven't experiended before. I imagine I would feel content with experiencing this upon my return to my life from the Camino.
You've surely heard of the tradition of leaving a stone, which represents your burdens, at the Cruz de Ferro. This is a very powerful experience, in fact, it was the spiritual high point of my Camino. But that experience does not have to be limited to the Cruz de Ferro. There are shrines, crosses, and even kilometer markers all along the Camino where you'll see small piles of stones. One can only guess the meaning of these stones, but I suspect that many of them represent some burden that a Pilgrim has left behind. Perhaps this act could help you as you walk -- whenever you start feeling the pains of depression, or aloneness, pick up a stone. Carry that stone with you for the rest of day and contemplate what it is that weighs heavily on your mind. Transfer that burden to the stone you carry, and leave it at the next monument, shrine, or trail side cross that you come to, and go on with a refreshed spirit. There's no limit to the number of times you can do this exercise, but I suspect the need will diminish as you begin to enter the Camino spirit and lifestyle, and you experience the openness and friendship of the pilgrims you walk with. In fact, you may discover that you have walked with an angel at some point. Angels come in many guises -- they can and do vary in age and gender, race and nationality, so be open to everyone you meet. By the time you get to the Cruz de Ferro, that special stone you have brought from your home will probably feel a lot lighter and you may experience a feeling of true spiritual freedom when you leave it at the foot of the Cross of Iron.
Buen Camino,
Jim
Antonio -
After seeing the most excellent replies you have already received, I did not want to contaminate the thread but this comment moves me urgently to do so.
Please, do not especially have these expectations. They tend to "wrap one around the axle" and I speak with direct experience. I hesitate to give advice, especially in light of the foregoing excellent posts, but please allow me just an increment here.
Expect nothing. Because "expecting" means the object of attention is in the future. And, at no time are we ever in the future.
We are here now - it is in that succession of moments that we give, receive or do nothing at all.
If one does not show up for "now" then the "future" person you desire to be cannot possibly show up. Because the "product" of one's future is the result of our "work" in the now.
Do not worry about truth-telling about yourself. You are a gift to others, not a burden, as long as you tell the truth as you see it. So give.
In return, you will find that you shall receive back the gift of others.
Life is a dance, one has to develop the steps of both giving and receiving. The balance is crucial - - being able only to give and not receive may be pride, only wanting to receive and not give could be greed.
Do not over-think it. Just be where you are - mindful and attentive to the present moment.
Leave the iPod at home. It could get in your way by sending the message that you are "not open for business".
Walking is an excellent meditation. Silence is a gift to your mind.
My thoughts only. Buen Camino!
B
I went on the Camino the day after my marriage ended. I too had suffered with the Black Dog for a long time and was pretty well depressed when I set out, to the point that I had contemplated suicide. Going on the Camino was an alternative to my other choice, spending time living on a beach somewhere, drinking whisky and engaging in what would ultimately have been very destructive behaviour. Instead I chose the Camino.
I think it was my third day, leaving Molinaseca in the dark, very early, completely alone in the whole world. Dogs were barking from every house I passed as I left town, it was horrible. I felt like a total and utter outcast.
It took time but the Camino changed me as I went. The best tips I can give you are, in no particular order:
- have no expectations. Just go. Just do it. Just walk. Don't try to achieve anything. Don't have aims. Don't set yourself up to be let down when it doesn't meet your assumptions.
- talk to everyone. No matter how alone you think you are, no matter what fear of rejection you have. No-one will reject you. People may make it clear they aren't in the mood to talk but that is a statement about their mood at that moment, not about you. On my first day I met a woman who was almost rude, later we became very good friends. It turned out she was struggling with the cold and the mountains and did not want company. The vast majority of people will be happy to at least pass a "buen camino", most will want to pass a mile or two. Some will become very good friends if you allow. And it will only happen if you approach people AND allow friendship.
- be honest. Don't skirt around whatever issues you have, don't make stuff up to cover up why you're walking or because you're embarassed about your real story. The people who will become your friends will appreciate it.
- just walk. Go with it. For the first few days your mind will be a rambling mess if you set off with issues. Stick with it because you just can't "do" your problems 24/7. A while after you are into it you'll notice your negative thoughts start becoming less frequent. Eventually you reach a point where you are just walking, there are no thoughts other than your experience of being there in the moment. I suspect this is what is meant by "zen".
- be part of it. You are on an amazing adventure that few people get to experience. Immerse yourself in it. The Camino will not let you be a bystander.
- when you get to Santiago, celebrate!
- when you leave Santiago keep the momentum going
- keep a journal. Put every step, every thought, every event in it. Read it back on the way home. You WILL see a change.
I was a total and utter mess when I set off. The Camino saved me. That is no exagerration.
Good luck,
Stuart
A really meaningful and well thought out reply, together with lots of food for thought for others of us who are struggling with all sorts of issues, be they big or small.I went on the Camino the day after my marriage ended. I too had suffered with the Black Dog for a long time and was pretty well depressed when I set out, to the point that I had contemplated suicide. Going on the Camino was an alternative to my other choice, spending time living on a beach somewhere, drinking whisky and engaging in what would ultimately have been very destructive behaviour. Instead I chose the Camino.
I think it was my third day, leaving Molinaseca in the dark, very early, completely alone in the whole world. Dogs were barking from every house I passed as I left town, it was horrible. I felt like a total and utter outcast.
It took time but the Camino changed me as I went. The best tips I can give you are, in no particular order:
- have no expectations. Just go. Just do it. Just walk. Don't try to achieve anything. Don't have aims. Don't set yourself up to be let down when it doesn't meet your assumptions.
- talk to everyone. No matter how alone you think you are, no matter what fear of rejection you have. No-one will reject you. People may make it clear they aren't in the mood to talk but that is a statement about their mood at that moment, not about you. On my first day I met a woman who was almost rude, later we became very good friends. It turned out she was struggling with the cold and the mountains and did not want company. The vast majority of people will be happy to at least pass a "buen camino", most will want to pass a mile or two. Some will become very good friends if you allow. And it will only happen if you approach people AND allow friendship.
- be honest. Don't skirt around whatever issues you have, don't make stuff up to cover up why you're walking or because you're embarassed about your real story. The people who will become your friends will appreciate it.
- just walk. Go with it. For the first few days your mind will be a rambling mess if you set off with issues. Stick with it because you just can't "do" your problems 24/7. A while after you are into it you'll notice your negative thoughts start becoming less frequent. Eventually you reach a point where you are just walking, there are no thoughts other than your experience of being there in the moment. I suspect this is what is meant by "zen".
- be part of it. You are on an amazing adventure that few people get to experience. Immerse yourself in it. The Camino will not let you be a bystander.
- when you get to Santiago, celebrate!
- when you leave Santiago keep the momentum going
- keep a journal. Put every step, every thought, every event in it. Read it back on the way home. You WILL see a change.
I was a total and utter mess when I set off. The Camino saved me. That is no exagerration.
Good luck,
Stuart
You sure are. Buen Camino!"I'm going on an adventure!"
Just received confirmation from my workplace. I have been approved for the time off I requested.
I am now officially going to Spain and doing the Camino de Santiago.
I have such a sense of purpose again. Excited to say the least.
As Bilbo Baggins says as he leaves the Shire,
"I'm going on an adventure!"
You will understand how happy I am for you when you stand in front of that ancient cathedral. Lifechanging for people of the right stuff.I am now officially going to Spain and doing the Camino de Santiago.
I have such a sense of purpose again. Excited to say the least.
I am so delighted to hear your good news ilovelife just do it no expectations remember just an adventure in the 'present moment' you will probably never forget!
Buen Camino
So, interested forum members want to know "who, what, when, where, why, and how?" Well, we know the "why" of it. So, will you do it solo or otherwise, when do you plan to start, where might you start from, and how can we help you get the most out of this experience?
That IS what we are here for. We share with others so that they might learn, share the experience we have, and"pay it forward" to other pilgrims.
Welcome to the "club."
You will understand how happy I am for you when you stand in front of that ancient cathedral. Lifechanging for people of the right stuff.
Yes.Does this mean people of a spiritual nature about themselves?
PS. to forum: Last Spring was a bit grim weatherwise. Any idea what this Spring will be like?
I will be solo, yes. I will start end of April - probably April 29th or so. Starting from SJPDP.
I think the forum members have already helped me get the most of the experience. Now, I am just waiting, gathering my gear, and then off to enjoy every moment.
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