Derwen Rhys
New Member
- Time of past OR future Camino
- July 2014
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Derwen, good luck with whatever decision you end up making - whether you continue tomorrow or go home - perhaps the meaning of your Camino is about to unveil itself at this point. Take care.I am lying in a hotel bed 9 days out from st jean. I have reached San Domingo. It has been weird and wonderful. I am a bit of a loner normally; I have been talking to myself a lot as I go along. I wanted to go home 15 minutes out from st jean. Then when I crossed the Pyrenees I felt great. In these few days which seem like weeks already I have started to feel things I didn't expect. Saying im a loner is different to admitting you're actually lonely. I have walked and been overwhelmed by the flowers and birds; heartbroken with the strays. I wake up every morning and think " okay ill go another day." Today I felt ok. Very thoughtful and to be honest a bit tearful. Then this evening something happened which threw up a lot of old insecurities. I have tried to book a ferry from Santander for Wednesday and now I am lying here feeling crap. Perhaps some people just don't make it. Perhaps people like me.
Love that one line there!! Derwen, you and all the pilgrims on the way are thought of by all the Pilgrims who've gone before you. And the ones waiting in the wings, yet to walk. I know that connectedness helped me on some of "those" days. Pilgrims really are never alone out there on the way. Buen Camino."Where is the Camino?" I asked him. "Right outside. Just keep going" was his answer.
I also was miserable 8 days into my camino. Granon was a healing place.I can recommend staying at Granon - and you are so close right now. Maybe have a short day tomorrow, stay at Granon and see how you feel. Trust the camino and trust yourself.
I got teary eyed when I read your first paragraph. So happy you kept going and made it another day. I was just thinking this morning as I was tending my garden that I wish I could recreate the blissful feeling I had while on the Camino. It's possible, if you keep going, that you will have the greatest adventure of you Life! Whatever you decide, you will always have the feeling of today.I have taken something from all of you today. The weather has been good Welsh weather and I just walked off the Brierly. I am in Villafranca. I feel I have broken through an old pattern. I have never completed a journey in my life. Today I did dig deeper and I feel more of a man than I have in years.
Strange it is overcast here and the villages I walked through today have been overcast... a palpable sense of poverty and stress. Many of the towns would shame Britain with its dirt and rubbish but today a layer came off and I saw a bit deeper. I do feel I have been here for weeks. Time has no real meaning. I have taken my watch off and it's just so freeing. I have found a wonderful lady with rooms..spread the wealth... and I will walk again tomorrow.
As I left this morning at 6am the receptionist unlocked the door for me . "Where is the Camino?" I asked him. "Right outside. Just keep going" was his answer. Thanks all of you. I'm sure it's not the last time I will call for help. Derwen
I am lying in a hotel bed 9 days out from St Jean. I have reached San Domingo. It has been weird and wonderful. I am a bit of a loner normally; I have been talking to myself a lot as I go along. I wanted to go home 15 minutes out from St Jean. Then when I crossed the Pyrenees I felt great. In these few days which seem like weeks already I have started to feel things I didn't expect. Saying im a loner is different to admitting you're actually lonely. I have walked and been overwhelmed by the flowers and birds; heartbroken with the strays. I wake up every morning and think "Okay I'll go another day." Today I felt OK. Very thoughtful and to be honest a bit tearful. Then this evening something happened which threw up a lot of old insecurities. I have tried to book a ferry from Santander for Wednesday and now I am lying here feeling crap. Perhaps some people just don't make it. Perhaps people like me.
I am lying in a hotel bed 9 days out from St Jean. I have reached San Domingo. It has been weird and wonderful. I am a bit of a loner normally; I have been talking to myself a lot as I go along. I wanted to go home 15 minutes out from St Jean. Then when I crossed the Pyrenees I felt great. In these few days which seem like weeks already I have started to feel things I didn't expect. Saying im a loner is different to admitting you're actually lonely. I have walked and been overwhelmed by the flowers and birds; heartbroken with the strays. I wake up every morning and think "Okay I'll go another day." Today I felt OK. Very thoughtful and to be honest a bit tearful. Then this evening something happened which threw up a lot of old insecurities. I have tried to book a ferry from Santander for Wednesday and now I am lying here feeling crap. Perhaps some people just don't make it. Perhaps people like me.
I feel miserable, and foolish...
On my first Camino in September 2013 I quit 22 times the FIRST day. The second day I only quit 14 times. I quit numerous but fewer times for the first 7 days. I would tell myself that when I arrived at my hotel that afternoon (for medical reasons I did not stay in the albergues) I would go online and make airline reservations to fly to London for a week, then a week in Berlin, a third week in Athens, and a final week in St. Petersburg, Russia, looking at great works of art in air conditioned comfort until I had to fly back to Madrid to catch my flight home. After showering and resting for a few hours I would pick up the map to see where I was walking to the next day. I have always considered myself a loner but on the 8th day I met my Camino family. Having people to walk with or to meet for dinner in the evening made it easier for me to continue each day thereafter and I did make it to Santiago.
Hope you ride though the peak and valleys of Camino, both mentally and physically. Good luck, and I pray that your walk becomes an awesome memory of your life's milestone.I am lying in a hotel bed 9 days out from St Jean....
Reminded me of an article I read a while ago... doubts happen to the best of us: http://www.theguardian.com/travel/2012/oct/19/andrew-mccarthy-camino-de-santiago
"I needed no validation, no outside approval – I was myself, fully alive and satisfied in simply being." I love that line. I feel like that when I set out on a training walk in full gear, with backpack and staff !What a great link,
What a great article.
I hope that you have kept on going. If you open up just a little bit you will find your Camino family. Everybody says "buen camino". You may find out that you are walking with interesting people from all over the world. You may also find out that some people may be feeling just like you. i walked the Camino in Sept 2013, and there were many times i wanted to quit, but i felt that i had come too far to quit. I was an old, overweight person, that had only walked in the park before doing the Camino. My feet started to give out on me while on the Camino, but I just kept going from one town to the next. I felt the Camino had something to teach me and i was going to find out what it was. On the Camino Pilgrims are never truly alone. I hope you hang in there. Experience your journey that you were meant to walk. See the beauty of the countryside. Enjoy the friendliness of the people. They are there waiting to reach out to you. Thanks for sharing.I am lying in a hotel bed 9 days out from St Jean. I have reached San Domingo. It has been weird and wonderful. I am a bit of a loner normally; I have been talking to myself a lot as I go along. I wanted to go home 15 minutes out from St Jean. Then when I crossed the Pyrenees I felt great. In these few days which seem like weeks already I have started to feel things I didn't expect. Saying im a loner is different to admitting you're actually lonely. I have walked and been overwhelmed by the flowers and birds; heartbroken with the strays. I wake up every morning and think "Okay I'll go another day." Today I felt OK. Very thoughtful and to be honest a bit tearful. Then this evening something happened which threw up a lot of old insecurities. I have tried to book a ferry from Santander for Wednesday and now I am lying here feeling crap. Perhaps some people just don't make it. Perhaps people like me.
Thanks Derwen for sharing. For those of us still to walk this is helpful. Most posts are always so positive. I think your post will be helpful to me if I feel like giving up. I will remember your post and all the replies and know that it is all part of the Camino experience, that others also felt this way.5.15am and I am going to walk. Thank you, each and every one of you for all your thoughts. I feel miserable, and foolish...but I'm going to walk. I usually crash about at times like this, dramatic and then regretful. So I will walk today and see where I go.
Thanks again, Derwen
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