"This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be GLAD...Oy!"
Last year, I lifted this from Psalms 118 as my marching "ditty." The "Oy" at the end is to complete the 8-count when you are hiking left, right, left, right. It got me through many a wet, rainy, snowy and muddy day, both last year and this.
I took the filler as the first part of an old Yiddish phrase that goes like this (phonetically): "Oy vey iz meer." Translated (and correctly spelled) it means something like "Oh woe is me!" So the "Oy" bit is just the filler word "oh."
Anyway, I suffer from life-long depression and it (with complications) eventually cost me my professional career - I had to retire early. But, it ended up with me on Camino for the first time last year, and again this year. So, it is all good!
You are experiencing the same, EXACT, feelings that many, MANY other pilgrims have felt and do feel. I felt that way for the first two weeks on both my
Camino Frances pilgrimages.
I have just a few suggestions:
1. Continue to rely on all of us here to support you, albeit from a distance.
2. Talk to other pilgrims. As appropriate, share your feelings. You will find you are NOT alone and others share your angst.
3. Take one day at a time, and do not plan more than a couple of days in advance.
4. Open yourself to new people, new ideas, and new experiences. You will have the time of your life.
5. Just put one foot in front of the other each day, repeat as needed. Stop when you reach the Cathedral in Santiago.
Also, if you are Catholic, Christian, or just curious, DO try to attend a nightly pilgrim Mass at any local church, in any village or town. They are usually celebrated at 20:00 (general rule) and are in Spanish. Ask at the albergue or check for a sign or notice on the church door.
You can FEEL the comradeship and compassion. I have met many non-Christians on Camino who tell me they feel much better after attending. No one is trying to convert or change you. Simply being in the presence of others with a shared situation and a common goal - Santiago - makes a huge difference in one's spirit.
Plus, people have been walking this pilgrimage for over 1,200 YEARS! there is a lot of history and splendid art and architecture in most of these tiny churches. Many people do not know, or forget that in the 16th century (1500 - 1599) Spain was the most powerful nation on Earth. It produced the riches to demonstrate it, and much of it ended up in these churches.
I wish you fair weather and a gentle breeze. I hope this helps. Be well!