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I guess letting him know that people are worried at home would be a good start, but letting his family know that he is doing fine would maybe stop them from calling the authorities and starting a big search for nothing?What is the correct procedure in cases like this?
I ask because I can envision a scenario, however uncommon it might be, that a pilgrim does not want to share their whereabouts. If we see Jean-Marc, Do we always contact the person that reported him as out of contact? Or do we remind him to call home instead?
What is the correct procedure in cases like this?
I ask because I can envision a scenario, however uncommon it might be, that a pilgrim does not want to share their whereabouts. If we see Jean-Marc, Do we always contact the person that reported him as out of contact? Or do we remind him to call home instead?
What is the correct procedure in cases like this?
I ask because I can envision a scenario, however uncommon it might be, that a pilgrim does not want to share their whereabouts. If we see Jean-Marc, Do we always contact the person that reported him as out of contact? Or do we remind him to call home instead?
I think, it is perfectly reasonable to be cautious about sharing information about another pilgrim with someone whose bona fides haven't been clearly established. My view would be to let the pilgrim, Jean-Marc in this case, know that there are people trying to contact him. He could be asked if he wants information about his location, etc shared on this forum.Somewhere in Canada, a woman worries about her husband, and you set out to make life more complicated for her.
Or perhaps, somewhere in Portugal a man seeks solitude or escape from a difficult life situation and we are interfering. I am glad to see @dougfitz agree, and his comment about involving the authorities is spot on... if it is a real worry, contact the real helpers.Somewhere in Canada, a woman worries about her husband, and you set out to make life more complicated for her.
Please, be the reason someone smiles today.
I don't think so, at least not on my part. I have made the same or nearly identical response to this issue before, and I will do so again should someone ask us to pass on information about the location or well-being of another pilgrim.Not trying to cause trouble here because I see both sides well. I do think the response might be different if it were a woman who had not made contact, and probably with good reason. I mention this view of the matter only as something to consider.
I would agree. I think most pilgrims from other countries carry sufficient identification on them should anything serious happen that would allow notification to the next of kin.I don't think so, at least not on my part. I have made the same or nearly identical response to this issue before, and I will do so again should someone ask us to pass on information about the location or well-being of another pilgrim.
It is certainly appropriate to help by letting the pilgrim in question know that there have been inquiries about them. Perhaps one might even suggest that they contact their family, although that is clearly their personal choice, and I wouldn't be pressing anyone in that regard.
This is the angle I come from as well and agree.But isn’t this a case of someone potentially having disappeared? Am I misunderstanding it? If my partner thought I was in a good frame of mind when I went off on a Camino alone, and I then went uncharacteristically silent… well, he’d probably have contacted the police within 24 hours,
We had similar responses as above when Denise Thiem went missing and her brother contacted the forum, did she want her own space, was her brother really her brother etc etc, and we all saw how that ended.Not trying to cause trouble here because I see both sides well. I do think the response might be different if it were a woman who had not made contact, and probably with good reason. I mention this view of the matter only as something to consider.
The more I think about this, the more concerning I find it. I didn’t know that Denise’s brother tried to contact her through this forum (before going to the police?).We had similar responses as above when Denise Thiem went missing and her brother contacted the forum, did she want her own space, was her brother really her brother etc etc, and we all saw how that ended.
If you see Jean Marc tell him to contact home asap before he has the authorities searching for him, his wife's worry trumps his space IMO. Don't overthink the situation with political correctness. Only someone who has had family missing will understand the gut gripping worry this causes.
Fair enough. I make a point of not contacting people because I don't like the expectation that you have to stay in touch all the time.If a family member of mine dropped off the radar and their excuse was that they just didn't want to bother to make contact I'd be telling them to stay on Camino.
True, for adults, but they should still inform loved ones or family before they leave of their intentions to disconnect while they are away...it's not difficult to do that.No-one should have to keep in touch if they don't want to.
OK, but my reading of the OP (I may be wrong) is that the alleged missing person was often out of contact for several days - just not this long.True, for adults, but they should still inform loved ones or family before they leave of their intentions to disconnect while they are away...it's not difficult to do that.
The OP doesn't say that at all. It says... "he has never been so long without giving some news to his wife and she is very worried."OK, but my reading of the OP (I may be wrong) is that the alleged missing person was often out of contact for several days - just not this long.
We had similar responses as above when Denise Thiem went missing and her brother contacted the forum, did she want her own space, was her brother really her brother etc etc, and we all saw how that ended.
If you see Jean Marc tell him to contact home asap before he has the authorities searching for him, his wife's worry trumps his space IMO. Don't overthink the situation with political correctness. Only someone who has had family missing will understand the gut gripping worry this causes.
Indeed, but at the start, it took some time for the brother's bona fides to be established. IIRC, @natefaith from Pilgrim House did that and they and others provided local support to the family in their grief. The involvement of the forum would have made little difference to that horrible outcome for Denise, but I think supporting her family would have.We had similar responses as above when Denise Thiem went missing and her brother contacted the forum, did she want her own space, was her brother really her brother etc etc, and we all saw how that ended.
I don't agree. If as a couple, they haven't worked through their communications arrangements, and agreed on when the person remaining at home should contact authorities, that is not a good reason for us to be involved. Having said that, letting him know that someone is looking for him is a reasonable compromise.his wife's worry trumps his space IMO
This might be a matter of tone, but I think I would be reluctant to do any more than let him know that someone is looking for him. It's entirely up to him whether he contacts his family.If you see Jean Marc tell him to contact home asap
So what you are saying Doug is that even if we can help we shouldn't because it's none of our business.Indeed, but at the start, it took some time for the brother's bona fides to be established. IIRC, @natefaith from Pilgrim House did that and they and others provided local support to the family in their grief. The involvement of the forum would have made little difference to that horrible outcome for Denise, but I think supporting her family would have.
Here, @Anik2001 has been a member for a few years, and in post #13, did establish her connection with the wife who has this concern. Nonetheless, the task of establishing someone's bona fides is on best left to authorities like the police or one's national consular services, along with any international coordination that would clearly be involved to pass that information to local police in Portugal or Spain.
I understand that family members will reach out on social media and forums like this. That won't stop. I don't think we should act individually or collectively as some de-facto pro-bono private detective agency.
I don't agree. If as a couple, they haven't worked through their communications arrangements, and agreed on when the person remaining at home should contact authorities, that is not a good reason for us to be involved. Having said that, letting him know that someone is looking for him is a reasonable compromise.
This might be a matter of tone, but I think I would be reluctant to do any more than let him know that someone is looking for him. It's entirely up to him whether he contacts his family.
No, I am not saying that, and I don't think what I have said lends itself to this interpretation.So what you are saying Doug is that even if we can help we shouldn't because it's none of our business.
Sorry, but I tend to take things at face value.
Given what you say, I would expect that your family would have reported to the authorities. Maybe they would post something on the forum as well, so "Camino Radio" can do what it can. Members would be happy to keep an eye out and provide any information to the family and the authorities. However, the search would be led by the authorities. I don't really see what additional useful "help" we could provide independent of the official search.For the record: if ever a family member of mine comes on here and says I’m on Camino and have gone radio silent, it means I am in trouble, so please please help that person. Again, I find this a troubling thread.
Might there be an easily addressed problem with relatives abroad not knowing how to contact the relevant Spanish authorities? I know the info is available elsewhere here but, as far as I can see, the lady in question hasn’t been given that information in this thread?
I was mostly referring to my above comment, which I don’t think was addressed. There’s a presumption that people do know exactly what to do. In my case, my partner knows I use this forum and that you’d know what to do. He has no Spanish and finds Spain’s systems confusing so it’s actually quite possible he’d ask here first. (Edit: I mean also, that if he did then come here to ask and found a thread like this one develop, that wouldn’t be helpful and would be traumatic. I would like to think simple help would be given. There’d be the obvious help of keeping a lookout too, and spreading the word, which would be wanted).Given what you say, I would expect that your family would have reported to the authorities. Maybe they would post something on the forum as well, so "Camino Radio" can do what it can. Members would be happy to keep an eye out and provide any information to the family and the authorities. However, the search would be led by the authorities. I don't really see what additional useful "help" we could provide independent of the official search.
I too am able to imagine many scenarios, including for example that of manipulative partners who have agendas that don’t fit well with pilgrimages.Whilst I am a believer in being helpful I am not supportive of anything intrusive. I was able to imagine a lot of different scenarios (the vast majority would have been wrong) and the different dynamics that exist in relationships.
It is natural in some people to hope for the best and to fear the worst.
I have seen similar posts to this in the past whereby the wishes of one family member might (and do) counteract the wishes of another and I have long felt it isn't the place of members of this forum to get involved. I do not know Jean-Marc and I do not know his wife.
The parameters (and regularity) of communication should have been set out long before this between the two of them.
Beyond there being a notice board to request he ring his wife to put her mind at rest there should be no further involvement as aceeding to the request of one might be counter active to the wishes of another.
I did notice that the onus, and ability, had been placed on him regularly contacting his wife but not the other way around should something have happened at home.
I am glad that nothing has happened to Jean-Marc (I never thought it did).and I wish him continued privacy in his travels.
A very mature, trusting and loving response from your daughter @SEB2May I offer another perspective and apologies for repeating this information from a post way many years ago? Back in 2015 (and in my sixties) I set out from SJPdP aiming to reach SdC but really not sure if that would be possible as I had never walked more than 12 miles in a day before. My daughter was kindly looking after everything back home. I called on several occasions to let her know all was okay but she told me that there was no need to get in touch (unless it was an emergency) and that I was on pilgrimage and should just focus on the journey.
Yes, of course we would provide advice in such a case. My advice would be for the family member to contact their own local police for advice. I would expect that if one called the Spanish police (or 112) they would need to go through some verification procedure anyway, and that would probably involve checking with your local police. Calling 112 in the first place would probably get to the same point.There’s a presumption that people do know exactly what to do. In my case, my partner knows I use this forum and that you’d know what to do. He has no Spanish and finds Spain’s systems confusing so it’s actually quite possible he’d ask here first.
Yes, this is good reason for unease. But we are not even talking to the woman directly, so for us to start reporting back on a rumour mill (Radio Camino) about someone we see on the Camino would cause different unease!My sense of unease about this thread came from my initial understanding that the couple had a prior agreement to keep in touch, as they usually did during his Caminos. I understood that it was because of a change in this usual system—an unusual prolonged silence—that the wife was so concerned.
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