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This post is a very personal post and let me stress that I write it only from my personal experiences.
Lately on the forum we hear some disturbing news about harrassment and not respecting personal physical boundaries.
Again what follows are my impressions and should not be seen as an attack or official complaint.
When in pension O Novo in Meson do Vento in April the younger owner immediately touched me between my shoulderblades when I came in and asked me if I was not stiff and said he gave massages.
I saw the table in the corridor...I declined in a firm way. I asked him if he had a physio degree and he said yes although I did not see any diploma or certificate.He did not insist but I did not feel well about it at all.
I was also the only pilgrim that night.
It might be a cultural thing. I know Spaniards touch each other more in a friendly manner without any double entendre but his touch did feel me uneasy.
Again nothing inappropiate happened but I can imagine that some ladies whom are offered this service might feel uneasy. The massage table was in the corridor so I do not know where the actual massage would be given.
So this is just a general warning to everyone to respect your own boundaries and trust your instincts. Or when someone offers you a massage it might be a good idea that this would happen when other people are around.
Also I really think that before someone touches you he or she should ask you if you are ok with that.So first asking and then acting not vice versa.
I hope this can help future pilgrims.
Sabine, you have done a great service to others, thank you.This post is a very personal post and let me stress that I write it only from my personal experiences.
Lately on the forum we hear some disturbing news about harrassment and not respecting personal physical boundaries.
Again what follows are my impressions and should not be seen as an attack or official complaint.
When in pension O Novo in Meson do Vento in April the younger owner immediately touched me between my shoulderblades when I came in and asked me if I was not stiff and said he gave massages.
I saw the table in the corridor...I declined in a firm way. I asked him if he had a physio degree and he said yes although I did not see any diploma or certificate.He did not insist but I did not feel well about it at all.
I was also the only pilgrim that night.
It might be a cultural thing. I know Spaniards touch each other more in a friendly manner without any double entendre but his touch did feel me uneasy.
Again nothing inappropiate happened but I can imagine that some ladies whom are offered this service might feel uneasy. The massage table was in the corridor so I do not know where the actual massage would be given.
So this is just a general warning to everyone to respect your own boundaries and trust your instincts. Or when someone offers you a massage it might be a good idea that this would happen when other people are around.
Also I really think that before someone touches you he or she should ask you if you are ok with that.So first asking and then acting not vice versa.
I hope this can help future pilgrims.
I sympathise totally with those who feel uncomfortable and feel that their space is invaded, even if it is unintentional. The following is not meant in any way to negate those feelings or criticise and it is right to be aware of such situations.
From a personal experience I have never felt any threat/intrusion from being reached out to or touched by bar/cafe/hotel owners in Spain. In fact many have shaken hands and given us a hug/kiss on the cheek as we leave. That is where the difference lies - I was not alone and it was not on arrival. The contact was welcome with no sense of intrusion.
Just the other side of the picture as Northern Spain is still a place where many folk do touch and reach out to one another in a way that others now fear. Being aware of this is good, as well as trusting ones own feelings too at the time.
I know some time has passed since Sabine posted her original thread. But I wanted to add that I have just received a personal message from a female forum member who wishes to remain anonymous but who had a disturbing encounter with this man. She had taken him up on the offer of massage, and then things got weird, he even intimated some totally inappropriate body parts for a massage, at which point she jumped up and ended the whole thing.
I asked the member if she would mind if I posted it, because I think it corroborates the gut instincts that several other forum members posted about, and because it should be a warning to others who find themselves in this place.
Stay safe peregrin@s, Laurie
Would you please ask her to consider to make an official complaint?
I too received 5 messages through different channels from 5 differrent women but not enough clear " evidence" to take things further.
The only way to go to the bottom of this is an official complaint before police and court.
In @grayland 's post above he said: "I really hate to suggest that ladies also think twice about staying alone in albergues unless they are sure of the surroundings and the person running the dormitory."
When walking by yourself on solitary routes such as the Levante, Via de la Plata or Mozarabe (just to name a few) you are often entirely alone, of course depending on the season. One can never be 100% sure of the surroundings or the person running the dormitory. Be vigilant, listen to your instinct (as you would anywhere) but I feel that it is also our responsibility not to create a state of fear, that would be a step too far.
Does anyone knows if his parents (described as lovely above) know about his behavior? Maybe telling them would be enough to end this completely inappropriate acts of "hospitality".
It is a fine line to acknowledge that unfortunately and undeservedly women face risks that men do not, sometimes significant risks, while avoiding portraying women as vulnerable. The onus shouldn't be on women to seek protection. The onus should be on men to ensure that such protection is unneeded. Nevertheless, I wouldn't want to paint the picture as nicer than it is, or to dismiss the real experiences that people are describing, to avoid that fear and narrative.I agree 100%. We don't want to create a state of fear - and we also don't want to encourage a narrative where women are portrayed as vulnerable creatures in need of protection!
Very well put, David. And just to clarify - I don’t think anyone has crossed that fine line on this thread. Good to see so many measured responses.It is a fine line to acknowledge that unfortunately and undeservedly women face risks that men do not, sometimes significant risks, while avoiding portraying women as vulnerable. The onus shouldn't be on women to seek protection. The onus should be on men to ensure that such protection is unneeded. Nevertheless, I wouldn't want to paint the picture as nicer than it is, or to dismiss the real experiences that people are describing, to avoid that fear and narrative.
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