Missing Mike
Member
- Time of past OR future Camino
- May 2016
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Oh heck yeah. For that whole first week I felt like the stupid old fat woman who was slower than everyone on the trail, that ached and just wanted to lie down after a meal while everyone else laughed and talked and sang. What was I doing? Why wasn't I acting like all the other pilgrims, whistling as I walked and joining in on the stories and creating a Camino Family?When you actually walked/hiked the Camino (not about the past), did you ever once say to yourself?
I'm not good enough.
I'm not worthy enough.
I'm not lovable.
I'm not whole or complete just as I am.
Why?
Just asking?
Colleen i love this. As an introvert i too feel the fear of joining groups and next time i am on the Camino I will certainly attempt more bravery of the kind you describe. Thankyou for sharing your vulnerability, you have company xOh heck yeah. For that whole first week I felt like the stupid old fat woman who was slower than everyone on the trail, that ached and just wanted to lie down after a meal while everyone else laughed and talked and sang. What was I doing? Why wasn't I acting like all the other pilgrims, whistling as I walked and joining in on the stories and creating a Camino Family?
All the statements above came into play.
Then I met someone older, someone fatter, someone slower, and someone not as bright as I was. I had conversations with these people. I listened. Frankly I was too tired to talk. But I learned that when you think of yourself as "less than" you begin to believe it, and act that way...self fulfilling prophesy?
Taking a chance and sitting with strangers for the first time on the Camino is bravery at its utmost for me, an introvert (stop laughing). After that it's a matter of choice. Do you give of yourself, join the conversation, open up and accept others as they accept you, or take time to meditate and regroup. Just knowing you are able to make that choice, and that choice is always there, is empowering.
Then I could believe I was good enough, worthy an whole and complete.
And lovable.Of course.
No, but did discover that I wasn't as kind to others as I had thought I was.
Taking a chance and sitting with strangers for the first time on the Camino is bravery at its utmost for me, an introvert (stop laughing). After that it's a matter of choice. Do you give of yourself, join the conversation, open up and accept others as they accept you, or take time to meditate and regroup. Just knowing you are able to make that choice, and that choice is always there, is empowering.
.
Regarding SEB's comments, on the contrary, I fond myself giving up my lower bunk to someone who thinks he needs it more than I do. Or will give up days of walking to serve as a translater and therapist for someone needing to go to a hospital. I never give ot a second thought.
I am what is essentially an "extroverted introvert". Left to my own devices, I'm in nature--either alone, or perhaps with my husband. ... I am around people, but not buried in them, as it can be on Camino Frances.
Debrita and SEB, I'd buy the first round (got the winning lottery ticket right here in my pocket!)@SEB - I'm so glad that you reminded all of us of your partner, and honestly, I think so many of carry a close and intimate grief that we think it's like a red flag that we wear--always visible to all, and surely the first thing others notice about us.
You are so articulate and well-spoken (you write so well!) that I'm glad that you reminded me of this aspect of walking the Camino. Loss first compelled me to walk the Camino. In this last year, I've lost three more people who were very, very close to me--one my ex-husband. The other, a woman I've been friends with since childhood. The last, stepdad. I think that walking in bereavement--your fitting word--is a different kind of walking. A lot of people walking the Camino as older people are indeed carrying that stone, and while it does indeed help to ease the burden to walk the Camino, it is not a stone that can be left easily in Spain.
Thinking of you, and thank you for your observation that carrying that burden will indeed affect how a person may seem, act, communicate or not.
I can see myself at a table with you and @Coleen Clark telling stories and getting ourselves through a bottle of vino tinto, and then laughing at each other running back to the albergue at 9:44 pm to sleep in our t shirts with tennis balls sewn into the backs...
Sounds like an old joke...Wow. Debrita, Coleen, and SEB at one table . What an evening of conversation, laughter (and wine! ) that will be. I want to be there!
First couple of bottles of vino Tinto are on me!
Sounds like an old joke...
Debrita, Coleen and SEB walked into a bar.....
You just bought yourself a seat at the grown up table. Grab a glass and I will pour.I was writing some time ago on the fact that when @SYates will move to Santiago that all the cool kids will live there.
Now when @CaminoDebrita , @Coleen Clark and @SEB will meet each other all the wise kids will be together....
You just bought yourself a seat at the grown up table. Grab a glass and I will pour.
Sounds like an old joke...
Debrita, Coleen and SEB walked into a bar.....
No but I asked myself every day: why am I doing this?When you actually walked/hiked the Camino (not about the past), did you ever once say to yourself?
I'm not good enough.
I'm not worthy enough.
I'm not lovable.
I'm not whole or complete just as I am.
Why?
Just asking?
Yes, everyone has insecurities, but much can be accomplished with determination and forgiveness. When you feel let down, realize that you are not alone and are capable of starting again tomorrow. Soon enough, you will discover that you are worthy and capable, whatever shortcomings existIf you are starting the Camino with those insecurities, they will not be miraculously cured after walking a few kilometers. There is nothing wrong with being introverted, not being part of the in-crowd, or not whistling as you walk. You don't have to become a different person! Hopefully you will gain confidence, though, and not be comparing people (including yourself) as "better" or otherwise.
Yes I beat myself up about some things. Then I forgave myself.
Thank you for your post, I recognise these thoughts.When you actually walked/hiked the Camino (not about the past), did you ever once say to yourself?
I'm not good enough.
I'm not worthy enough.
I'm not lovable.
I'm not whole or complete just as I am.
Why?
Just asking?
So happy for you, thanks for sharing!Oh heck yeah. For that whole first week I felt like the stupid old fat woman who was slower than everyone on the trail, that ached and just wanted to lie down after a meal while everyone else laughed and talked and sang. What was I doing? Why wasn't I acting like all the other pilgrims, whistling as I walked and joining in on the stories and creating a Camino Family?
All the statements above came into play.
Then I met someone older, someone fatter, someone slower, and someone not as bright as I was. I had conversations with these people. I listened. Frankly I was too tired to talk. But I learned that when you think of yourself as "less than" you begin to believe it, and act that way...self fulfilling prophesy?
Taking a chance and sitting with strangers for the first time on the Camino is bravery at its utmost for me, an introvert (stop laughing). After that it's a matter of choice. Do you give of yourself, join the conversation, open up and accept others as they accept you, or take time to meditate and regroup. Just knowing you are able to make that choice, and that choice is always there, is empowering.
Then I could believe I was good enough, worthy an whole and complete.
And lovable.Of course.
You too xxxColleen i love this. As an introvert i too feel the fear of joining groups and next time i am on the Camino I will certainly attempt more bravery of the kind you describe. Thankyou for sharing your vulnerability, you have company x
Yesss me too , With the vino tinto and laughterWow. Debrita, Coleen, and SEB at one table . What an evening of conversation, laughter (and wine! ) that will be. I want to be there!
First couple of bottles of vino Tinto are on me!
Move over Debrita and SEB. We have a Yellowfriend bringing tapas!Yesss me too , With the vino tinto and laughter)
Aaah nice, I bring the tapas with me and another bottle of Rioja , salud!Move over Debrita and SEB. We have a Yellowfriend bringing tapas!
So many people spend so much of their lives telling themselves--Thank you for your post, I recognise these thoughts.
That were my main thoughts the whole time.... maybe that is the answer why I got home from Burgos..... did you have these too because of your question here?
Thank you Mike! So sad to read about your Sun, wish you all the best and love.So many people spend so much of their lives telling themselves--
I'm not good enough.
I'm not worthy enough.
I'm not lovable.
I'm not whole or complete just as I am.
We all do it until we don't. Hopefully sooner then later; but life is a journey. Many, many years ago I believed all of this about myself. But I have let that go for the most part. I only wish my son could have instead of leaving the planet at such a young age. My hope is that more will realize the they are all the above and so much more. I wish this for you too!
I did not. I did, however, remember that I am what is essentially an "extroverted introvert". Left to my own devices, I'm in nature--either alone, or perhaps with my husband.
On weekends, I'm on my farm, working crops and planting stuff, or hiking several miles at Silver Falls---working as a Trail Ambassador (yes, I carry a radio and look like a ranger). I am around people, but not buried in them, as it can be on Camino Frances.
On Camino Frances, it is crucial, though, that we remember that there are people who feel very alone, and need some human contact. Just a smile, kind word, joke, or a bottle or two of wine shared over some food is the best thing ever!
I turn into a party on sore feet after two glasses of wine, and I love nothing more than singing, dancing, laughing people. Nitpicking, gossipy people, go away--but party hounds who like to make clever conversation--come sit by me!
So--I don't feel less than, but I do feel a compelling need to drink my wine and welcome people in. I love that about walking the Camino. I become a better version of my very oddly introverted self (unless it's during the week, then I'm teaching 120 teens at secondary level, and joking with my teacher friends).
Bom Caminho--and guess who just got her Camino Portuguese book in the mail?
Yes. It is always there if one has the right eyes to see it.No. Not when I have to pay a hefty sum to fly myself all the way there to walk.
Just once, on the via de la Plata (Sanabres) after already walked 30+ days and crossing over to Galicia I encountered 3 days of continuous downpour and cold temperature. The third day when the visibility dropped to like 10 meters the thought of 'what the h@#$ am I doing here' did cross my mind. Without sounding too dramatic, like a sign, the fog suddenly lifted just enough for me see a beautiful view of the valley with vineyards, the next moment back to near zero visibility.
I didn't dare to complain after that...
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