Manita Vet
New Member
My name is Manita and I live in Holland. I first heard about the Camino about a year a go. I understood it is a pilgrim's route and thought it took 6 months to complete. I felt an instand attraction to it and that it was ment for me to do. This feeling grew stronger with each piece of information that I found about the Camino.
I've always been some sort of a wonderer throughout my life. Searching for things I don't know, restless for unknown reasons. I'm spiritual but at the same time really down to earth. I see things as they are and try to keep life simple and my vision clear. That is why it surprised me that I had such strong feelings about this pilgrims route. At first I thought I wanted to do it in search of myself, to get to know myself better, for the beautiful landscapes or the sheer physical challenge. I can honestly say that I was dissapointed when I found out that it 'only' took 30 to 40 days average to walk the Camino. I looked forward to a half year of soul searching and seeing the world. But I also realised that it made the goal on it self more easy to realise and on a shorter term. Besides... if I like it I can always walk it again from another country or walk a different pilgrim route!
I'm now 1 month in serious preperation for the Camino. Meaning getting information, readings books and watching documentary's and movies about it. I bought my first real hikingshoes and have taken my first walks. I'm lucky enough that I can do this in a (holiday) country with similar landscapes as on the Camino. And here comes the reason why I'm writing this all: from the first steps I took in the 'Camino' spirit with my shoes, supplies and mindset I felt utterly happy and fullfilled. As if this is my calling. It's such a strong feeling that it (often) makes me cry from longing and happiness. This is what I am supposed to do.
And as the down to earth person that I am I wondered where this feeling is coming from. Am I making myself feel this way because I want a purpose, way out or adventure? Am I making myself 'crazy' by reading and watching so much about it?
But then this strange things began to happen. I started coming a cross 'signs', and quite a lot of them. When I told my stepmother about my Camino plans she remembered me that my father, who died 5 hears a go, used to hike as well, always alone and for hours at an end. On my walk the next day I saw sunflowers everywhere on my route, wich were my fathers favourite flowers and aren't custom in the region at all. I walked on a beautiful mountain and hold still to enjoy the scenery for a moment when all of a sudden I saw an unmistakable cross in the muddy road, filled with water and looking a lot like the Santiago cross symbol. I photographed it becaus I just couldn't believe it. When I got home my stepmother told me my father had a walkingstick which he himself got in a monastery in Slovenia which used to be a pilgrim sight as well. I couldn't believe what I was hearing and she showed it to me. It is beautiful and just feels perfect in my hands. She said I can take it with me on the Camino after I get my graduation (which is my personal goal and promise to myself). The next day I was at a swimmingpool in a totally different region in Slovenia when I saw 2 stickers on a lantern down an ordinary street: one with a yellow arrow and above that a yellow Jakobs shell with a bike in it. Again I was staggerd about this 'coincidence' and I took a picture just to be sure I wasn't hallucinating or something. At home I searched the internet for the origin and meaning of this symbol in the region but coulnd't find anything. Even the local touristguide had never seen it before. It's obviously put on there by someone, but why there? and why should I, at this moment, come a cross it?
I try to stay realistic and keep things simple but the signs are just too damn strange and obvious. The feeling that I need to do the Camino is turning into the feeling of a true calling and is getting so strong that I often need to cry when I think, see or read about it.......... Is this what some people experience when they say they are being 'called' to do something? Dare I even think that that is what is happening to me? And if so, should and CAN I wait a whole year in which my life will be very unsure (financial and stress wise) before, uhum, "answering" to this "calling"? Or are these signs finding me now to let me know that this is the path I should take and that this is the time for it?
All these happenings, feelings and questions made my head spinn and I needed to write them down. I want to share them with other (Camino) pilgrims and hope to get some, any, reactions on my story. Maybe somebody recognises him/herself in it and wants to share the experience with me?
I've always been some sort of a wonderer throughout my life. Searching for things I don't know, restless for unknown reasons. I'm spiritual but at the same time really down to earth. I see things as they are and try to keep life simple and my vision clear. That is why it surprised me that I had such strong feelings about this pilgrims route. At first I thought I wanted to do it in search of myself, to get to know myself better, for the beautiful landscapes or the sheer physical challenge. I can honestly say that I was dissapointed when I found out that it 'only' took 30 to 40 days average to walk the Camino. I looked forward to a half year of soul searching and seeing the world. But I also realised that it made the goal on it self more easy to realise and on a shorter term. Besides... if I like it I can always walk it again from another country or walk a different pilgrim route!
I'm now 1 month in serious preperation for the Camino. Meaning getting information, readings books and watching documentary's and movies about it. I bought my first real hikingshoes and have taken my first walks. I'm lucky enough that I can do this in a (holiday) country with similar landscapes as on the Camino. And here comes the reason why I'm writing this all: from the first steps I took in the 'Camino' spirit with my shoes, supplies and mindset I felt utterly happy and fullfilled. As if this is my calling. It's such a strong feeling that it (often) makes me cry from longing and happiness. This is what I am supposed to do.
And as the down to earth person that I am I wondered where this feeling is coming from. Am I making myself feel this way because I want a purpose, way out or adventure? Am I making myself 'crazy' by reading and watching so much about it?
But then this strange things began to happen. I started coming a cross 'signs', and quite a lot of them. When I told my stepmother about my Camino plans she remembered me that my father, who died 5 hears a go, used to hike as well, always alone and for hours at an end. On my walk the next day I saw sunflowers everywhere on my route, wich were my fathers favourite flowers and aren't custom in the region at all. I walked on a beautiful mountain and hold still to enjoy the scenery for a moment when all of a sudden I saw an unmistakable cross in the muddy road, filled with water and looking a lot like the Santiago cross symbol. I photographed it becaus I just couldn't believe it. When I got home my stepmother told me my father had a walkingstick which he himself got in a monastery in Slovenia which used to be a pilgrim sight as well. I couldn't believe what I was hearing and she showed it to me. It is beautiful and just feels perfect in my hands. She said I can take it with me on the Camino after I get my graduation (which is my personal goal and promise to myself). The next day I was at a swimmingpool in a totally different region in Slovenia when I saw 2 stickers on a lantern down an ordinary street: one with a yellow arrow and above that a yellow Jakobs shell with a bike in it. Again I was staggerd about this 'coincidence' and I took a picture just to be sure I wasn't hallucinating or something. At home I searched the internet for the origin and meaning of this symbol in the region but coulnd't find anything. Even the local touristguide had never seen it before. It's obviously put on there by someone, but why there? and why should I, at this moment, come a cross it?
I try to stay realistic and keep things simple but the signs are just too damn strange and obvious. The feeling that I need to do the Camino is turning into the feeling of a true calling and is getting so strong that I often need to cry when I think, see or read about it.......... Is this what some people experience when they say they are being 'called' to do something? Dare I even think that that is what is happening to me? And if so, should and CAN I wait a whole year in which my life will be very unsure (financial and stress wise) before, uhum, "answering" to this "calling"? Or are these signs finding me now to let me know that this is the path I should take and that this is the time for it?
All these happenings, feelings and questions made my head spinn and I needed to write them down. I want to share them with other (Camino) pilgrims and hope to get some, any, reactions on my story. Maybe somebody recognises him/herself in it and wants to share the experience with me?