Lost on Camino?

[gavcan]

I walked the Camino in 2009 from Leon to Santiago, it turned out to be the most amazing trips of my life, meeting great people from all over the world. Arriving in Santiago I didn`t want to leave I just felt I could keep walking. It lit my spirit up and this lasted all of 2010. I decided to go back last year and walk from SJPP to Burgos. For the first few days it felt great to be back on the road, but after the first week it began to feel like just a walk, and nearing the end I couldn`t wait to get it finished and get home. I`m home 6 months now and still feeling deflated I can`t understand how I can have 2 completely different experiences on Camino, I even thought about walking it at Christmas to see could I find that spirit again. Has anyone experienced this and has anyone any suggestions??

 

[Deleted member 3000]

Personally, I think that the problem lies in the expectations, not the experience. Having done multiple Caminos, I often have had to ask myself why I was there again. The idea that "you can't go home again" is especially true on a Camino. Trying to recreate a feeling from the past is rarely successful. You have to be content with the present and the future, and expectation can make that difficult.

Reminding yourself that a Camino is completely optional may help. You don't have to do it, and you can quit anytime without penalty!!

One memorable book, "A Walk in the Woods", ends that way. One day while walking the Appalachian Trail the author remembers that he does not have to walk the entire 2,400 miles, packs up, and goes home. End of hike. End of book (except writing it and finding a publisher...).

 

[Beverley]

Oh Gavan I hear you!

I was in Portugal and Spain on the Camino Portuguese this year. I loved the Frances but I knew that it would never be the same. The Portuguese as different and wonderful in its own way. In the 70's (were you born yet?) I was in Greece for 3 months with my then boyfriend. We used to love our piece of watermellon daily it was so refreshing. Then we would have a second piece and it was never the same. The phrase we loved was "It's like that second piece of watermellon" every time we had a dissapointing experience.

So I get it. I had a rough time coming back from The CF as many people do, one tends to leave a little piece of yourself there. Just try to remember how lovely your first walk was and do another one but your first love will never be the same.

:wink:

Bev from Canada

 

[Caminando]

Hi G

What you describe is fairly common I think. Some try to recapture the feelings of their first camino(I did), and then wisen up and learn something about themselves.

It is clear that the change from first camino to the next is all internal - it will have little or nothing to do with the walk itself.

Given that, the only place to look for an answer is in oneself - and that can be demanding; I find it so. Falcon has it right about being content with the present. Do you remember the book by Baba Ram Dass, "Be Here Now"? Or those many gurus and philosophers who insist on valuing the present? Mind you, those I've read never had the benefit of a camino. You may remember that unusually lovely passage in The Bible, "Consider the lilies...." etc. This seems to me to be an urging to live for the moment. Easier said than done of course.

In the meantime, there's nothing to stop us doing more caminos.

 

[pat.holland]

I can understand this topic completely. We did our Camino in two week stretches and the impact of the first one was immense. It took me several days (and a few sharp reminders of the need to tune in at work from a colleague) to get over coming home. However the impact of the later stretches while so vivid and full was not the same. But then how could it ? As some one has already noted, the second slice of the water melon never tastes the same or ' you cannot step in the same river twice'
There may be a deeper reason. On the first camino we may realise the huge gap between what we want to be and where we actually are in life, work, whatever. When we come back, that gap will be smaller or perhaps less obvious because we know of it or perhaps because we have moved a bit to close it, to make change or at least be reconciled with the gap.

Then maybe the thing to do is live in the moment, in mindfulness, along the way. Maybe to use the time to consider what other changes to make, or maybe just to enjoy the walk.
PH

 

[skilsaw]

One memorable book, "A Walk in the Woods", ends that way. One day while walking the Appalachian Trail the author remembers that he does not have to walk the entire 2,400 miles, packs up, and goes home. End of hike. End of book ..).

Paul Coehlo's book ends that way too. It took me a long time to understand and accept it.

Arriving in Santiago the first time cannot be duplicated. Since I've completed the CF. the VdlP and Via Sanabres, I no longer feel called to go again. Maybe to be a Voluntario Hospitalero in a parochrial albergue again... but even that will have expectations and memories and comparisons to the first time.

I haven't moved on completely. I'm still staying connected by the Forum, socializing with local Friends of the Camino here, and by email to 3 people I met on the way.

The Camino is now a cherished memory, and I'm moving on.

 

[jl]

As has already been said, when one is walking a second, third or fourth Camino it can never be exactly the same – even if walked at the same time of year – one can never go back!. Everything about another Camino, even one on the same path, will be different. The weather is different and therefore that will also affect what one sees and hears along the way (for example the seasons may have been wetter / drier, earlier / later and so on). In addition, the companions on the way will be different – friendlier / older / younger / have a language barrier etc. Then too, is the fact that time has elapsed since that first journey, and thus, all the things that come into one’s life will affect your viewing / feeling of the following Camino, as too will be the knowledge and experience gained from that first journey. It is hard to go without expectations, but if it is possible go with an open mind, with as few expectations as possible. The next Camino will be – just different – not better, or worse but – just different!.

Reading the posts above, I was reminded of a quote by Bill Keane that, if I remember correctly, Brierly uses in his guide:-

Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.

There is also a quotation by Ralph Waldo Emerson that seems appropriate to this discussion too:-

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Finally, while in a quoting frame of mind, the following quote, from a lovely hymn that I often sing along the Way, by Richard Gillard seems appropriate to finish with:-

We are pilgrims on a
journey and companions on the road; we are here to help each other walk the mile and bear the load.

Janet

 

[Anniesantiago]

I agree,
there was a feeling of
"what now?"
the day I finished my first Camino.
And I agree,
you can never get back that first experience.

But to me,
it's a bit like the first time you have sex.

The first time
is a combination of fear and excitement
because you've never experienced this before.

You've heard people say how wonderful
(or horrible)
it is.
But you want to know for yourself.

You've heard certain "rules" about it,
how, when, and with whom it should be done,
and you've heard stories about
what happens when those rules are broken.

You wonder if those are just urban legends
or religious fairy tales.
You wonder how anything that calls you
so strongly
could be anything but the right thing to do.

Then it happens.
You either do it by your own rules
or by someone else's rules,
but you do it.

And...
you either love it
or you are completely disappointed
because your expectations were out of balance.

You go home,
and you think about it.

Then you decide to do it again.

But this time, you are wiser.
This time, you have experienced.
And because you learned
what did not work for you,
because you found out
what you did NOT like or want,
you now know
what you DO like or want.

For me, the Camino has been much like this.

Each walk
is a little better
because of what I learned the time before.

I'm no longer worried about
time,
finding lodging,
finding money,
finding food,
cooking it,
communicating,
having what I need for every single situation,
safety,
walking alone,
getting lost,
or feeling guilty
if I decide to bus a stage or two.

This freedom
has made the Camino
more enjoyable
and a much happier experience.

So..my advice is
to learn from the first time,
perhaps change your expectations.

Try having NONE
and see what happens.
You might be surprised!

 

[AJ]

Arriving in Santiago the first time cannot be duplicated.

I agree, but it can still be emotionally powerful on subsequent occasions. On my second and third Caminos the arrival was not so powerful, but last year was HUGELY so.

I wonder what Rome will be like this year.

 

[skilsaw]

AJ,
I'm glad for you.
Everyone's experience is unique.

 

[ranthr]

Anniesantiago, I loved your explanation!
ranthr

 

[hel&scott]

It's like that second piece of watermellon..

This is what we refer to as the third bottle of champaign, the first was delightful that the second seemed logical, but the third bottle results in a hangover...

Actually no, this is a bad metaphor (but sound drinking advice). On our first camino we could not understand why people choose to repeat the experience. Walking 800kms is a painful but satisfying experience, you feel like you have achieved something memorable and bore friends and family endlessly about it.

Then as time goes by you begin to feel the call of the road again. Be it wonderlust or just getting away from the daily grind, something has got under your skin and so you join a blog, talk with other addicts and before you know it you are planning another trip.

But don't make the mistake of going back to replicate the first camino. Look around, there are plenty of other ways to Santiago (or where-ever). We've completed 4 official camino routes and plenty of other personal walks and while it's tempting to compare, each has it's own flavour and colour that makes it memorable.

While you can't go back, you can always go forward!

 

[gavcan]

Hey folks

I`m grateful to you all for taking the time to give your advice and suggestions, and it has made me realise that this help is what the spirit of the Camino is all about. Annie your reply gave me a great laugh. Thanks to you all.