Lee Jackson
Remotelee
- Time of past OR future Camino
- Camino Frances Apr-may 2017 Portugues (2018) Norte (2018) Le Puy (2019) Celtic (2019) Frances (2019)
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Such kind, thoughtful words, and blessings for Lee as she begins to heal.My first camino was long dreamt of and long planned. And when opportunity finally came it was in the year that two good friends passed, one in expectance one with surprise. On the Eurostar platform my plans blew away. Panic, self-doubt and the weight of those losses buckled my knees. Somewhere in the Spring mud of Navarra, off track, unfocussed and lost I realised that I was walking for a purpose and with reason. Just not any purpose or reason that I had presupposed. And so I carried my two friends to the Cruz de Ferro and there I laid them down.
You have burdens to carry and Santiago is a good place to take them. @Lee Lauder my condolences for your loss; I wish your Mother buen camino. I wish you buen camino.
Beautifully written thoughts on life and compassion.Lee - that is an honest and open post.
Loss is so very hard, especially if it is the first one that you have experienced. We all feel for you, but, like you, we all live on - and that is what you must do too - imagine what she would say if you didn't!!
You have entered an interesting and rare space, an interlude - you say that you feel "almost disengaged/disenchanted" but Lee! That is a marvellous internal space to inhabit for Camino.
I can see that you are a Camino veteran, have done at least three Caminos - and from your "haven’t felt like doing my usual planning and plotting of distances" it is fairly certain that you are a serious planner, and if you are a planner then your habit has been to inhabit this solid 3D world more than the other that co-exists with us, that other deeper greater realm that is just as real ....
But Lee - because of the cessation of that planning and mileage mind that you feel this could be the most important and life-changing Camino you ever undertake - (I am not saying that it will be!)
- but, this one will certainly be different; if you are disengaged, disenchanted, maybe, just maybe, you will flow along without all your planning and recording of distances and in coming to terms with your loss, with your memories, with hopefully realisations of how this universe, this life, and your part in it actually really works - you just may have the most extraordinary Camino -
All I would say is to leave your mind as it is, to be not afraid .. do not over-plan this one .. just flow, stop when it is right, move when it is right, switch all your electronics off, stop writing distances into your journal and booking ahead .. be silent, speak to others, surrender to tears, drink until laughter, feel guilty the next day - but, Lee, Live.
Lee, this may be no help at the moment, maybe it will be in the future ... but .. nothing dies ... life withdraws and the vacated body dies, which is not the same. It is more like we are life itself experiencing this human life in some sort of body suit, a spacesuit if you will ... nothing dies, no one dies, they only withdraw. I have written this before and repeat it again for you - think of it as your Mum falling up out of her broken body and into the arms of angels.
Whether you are 'religious' or not is unimportant but .. maybe, on your Camino, visit every church that you can and light a candle for your mother .. pray for her, offer her to that benevolent love, and offer thanks for her in what she did for you and thanks that you, because of her, are what you are and where you are.
In essence, Lee, take this opportunity, in this slightly dissociated grief state to delve into Camino, to surrender to each and every moment, and to give thanks - because, All is Well Lee, all is well. And if you do find it too difficult, if the sorrow is too much .. the answer is utterly simple .. help others, focus to help others; look at every pilgrim you meet, the lonely, the hurt, and help them - kind word, shared meal, bathing feet, first aid, a gentle shoulder ... if you help others your sorrow will heal, it is how it is, one of the great secrets of the world.
Buen Camino Lee - and will you come back on here after your Camino and let all of us know how it went?
I hope so.
I am heading out for my next Camino soon , leaving home April 2, and am finding my self in a strange state of mind. I have been planning since early last year to walk the Via Podensis and maybe continue on the Frances but i lost my mother in early January and since then haven’t felt like doing my usual planning and plotting of distances and feel almost disengaged/disenchanted. I feel like i should still go ( plane tickets were booked prior to her passing) but just dont know if my state of mind will make it too hard.
Has anyone else encountered this? Where mental state affects physical ability.
[/QUOT
My condolences Lee, a difficult time for you. I planned to walk the Norte last June and started planning for it the previous year, all very keyed up and ready to go. In the January I suffered a form of Amnesia and naturally afterwards I was very concerned it might happen again, even though I was assured the chances of it happening was very remote. Like you I lost all enthusiasm and like you I was not sure if I was up to it. When I first set out I felt very vulnerable but within a day I met some wonderful Pilgrims who took great care of me and I didn't walk on my own once. It was if someone was watching over me, or perhaps I just looked vulnerable and they knew I needed company. So please go. Your mother I sure would want you to and I'm sure she will walk with you.I am heading out for my next Camino soon , leaving home April 2, and am finding my self in a strange state of mind. I have been planning since early last year to walk the Via Podensis and maybe continue on the Frances but i lost my mother in early January and since then haven’t felt like doing my usual planning and plotting of distances and feel almost disengaged/disenchanted. I feel like i should still go ( plane tickets were booked prior to her passing) but just dont know if my state of mind will make it too hard.
Has anyone else encountered this? Where mental state affects physical ability.
Buen Camino x
I waked the Camino Frances six months after my husband died.I am heading out for my next Camino soon , leaving home April 2, and am finding my self in a strange state of mind. I have been planning since early last year to walk the Via Podensis and maybe continue on the Frances but i lost my mother in early January and since then haven’t felt like doing my usual planning and plotting of distances and feel almost disengaged/disenchanted. I feel like i should still go ( plane tickets were booked prior to her passing) but just dont know if my state of mind will make it too hard.
Has anyone else encountered this? Where mental state affects physical ability.
I really like the idea of having her name on the Compostela, i did not know it was an option and it feel right to honour her that way. thank you for the suggestionAs I could not say it better than has already been done, I shall not try. My only two cents is to go for it.
When you arrive at the Pilgrim Office ask for your Compostela to be annotated "In Vicare Pro - your mother's name." This means, in Latin, that you accomplished your Camino for her, or in her place. Trust me, it means a lot. Maybe not now...but it will make perfect sense when they give it to you so annotated...
Hope this helps.
Your words are so beautiful and inspiring. Thank youLee - that is an honest and open post.
Loss is so very hard, especially if it is the first one that you have experienced. We all feel for you, but, like you, we all live on - and that is what you must do too - imagine what she would say if you didn't!!
You have entered an interesting and rare space, an interlude - you say that you feel "almost disengaged/disenchanted" but Lee! That is a marvellous internal space to inhabit for Camino.
I can see that you are a Camino veteran, have done at least three Caminos - and from your "haven’t felt like doing my usual planning and plotting of distances" it is fairly certain that you are a serious planner, and if you are a planner then your habit has been to inhabit this solid 3D world more than the other that co-exists with us, that other deeper greater realm that is just as real ....
But Lee - because of the cessation of that planning and mileage mind that you feel this could be the most important and life-changing Camino you ever undertake - (I am not saying that it will be!)
- but, this one will certainly be different; if you are disengaged, disenchanted, maybe, just maybe, you will flow along without all your planning and recording of distances and in coming to terms with your loss, with your memories, with hopefully realisations of how this universe, this life, and your part in it actually really works - you just may have the most extraordinary Camino -
All I would say is to leave your mind as it is, to be not afraid .. do not over-plan this one .. just flow, stop when it is right, move when it is right, switch all your electronics off, stop writing distances into your journal and booking ahead .. be silent, speak to others, surrender to tears, drink until laughter, feel guilty the next day - but, Lee, Live.
Lee, this may be no help at the moment, maybe it will be in the future ... but .. nothing dies ... life withdraws and the vacated body dies, which is not the same. It is more like we are life itself experiencing this human life in some sort of body suit, a spacesuit if you will ... nothing dies, no one dies, they only withdraw. I have written this before and repeat it again for you - think of it as your Mum falling up out of her broken body and into the arms of angels.
Whether you are 'religious' or not is unimportant but .. maybe, on your Camino, visit every church that you can and light a candle for your mother .. pray for her, offer her to that benevolent love, and offer thanks for her in what she did for you and thanks that you, because of her, are what you are and where you are.
In essence, Lee, take this opportunity, in this slightly dissociated grief state to delve into Camino, to surrender to each and every moment, and to give thanks - because, All is Well Lee, all is well. And if you do find it too difficult, if the sorrow is too much .. the answer is utterly simple .. help others, focus to help others; look at every pilgrim you meet, the lonely, the hurt, and help them - kind word, shared meal, bathing feet, first aid, a gentle shoulder ... if you help others your sorrow will heal, it is how it is, one of the great secrets of the world.
Buen Camino Lee - and will you come back on here after your Camino and let all of us know how it went?
I hope so.
I am heading out for my next Camino soon , leaving home April 2, and am finding my self in a strange state of mind. I have been planning since early last year to walk the Via Podensis and maybe continue on the Frances but i lost my mother in early January and since then haven’t felt like doing my usual planning and plotting of distances and feel almost disengaged/disenchanted. I feel like i should still go ( plane tickets were booked prior to her passing) but just dont know if my state of mind will make it too hard.
Has anyone else encountered this? Where mental state affects physical ability.
Hello all, just wanted to say thanks again for all the kind comments and encouragement. I began as planned in Le Puy and ended up walking a total of 35 days on the Camino, less then I had originally planned but had some problems along the way. I now have a Compostela in memory of my mom and a lighter feeling in my heart of her passing.
I lost both parents just ten days apart after having lived just one mile from them for a number of years. The loss was huge and I truly felt like an orphan even though a grown adult. It was so difficult losing two people in this world who love you unconditionally. Time foes help the emotional pain, but it took me about two years.
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