- Time of past OR future Camino
- 2012
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Gudule said:Our tickets to Spain have been booked already and in the spring of this year I'll be walking the camino once more, this time with my (by then) retired husband !!
Juliec55 said:We are call ourselves "sole sisters". lol. It is only an inside joke - well... I guess not now. I am the youngest at 56, then 57, 65 and 67. I am so.... looking forward to this.
BrianForbesColgate said:The shortcoming of SPOT is that it is only one-way.My favorite part of carrying SPOT on a recent trek was that it IS only one way- the solitude is absolute, and integral to the journey, IMHO.
Tom, I did precisely that a couple of years ago and will be doing the same next year.Oh well... Perhaps I will be able to afford two, shorter trips in 2015. We shall see... The "boss" only said I could not be gone for more than six weeks at a time. She did not say how many times I could be away. Hmmm?
That is a lovely reply -.so this is great...
the Way and your relationship are one and the same thing
you cant separate the 2
.
so ask said wife to give you something to take with you
either words
a symbol of some sort
a memory
a question
a promise
a dream
a goal
.
promise each other to look at the moon every night at a fixed time and silently to exchange loving thoughts
.
then despite distance, youre still united
just saying...
My children grew up as expat kids. One time, my young daughter was tearful about leaving. My mother told her that all she had to do was look at the moon at night & know that her grandmother would be looking at the same moon & thinking of her. Some 30 years later, my daughter still thinks of her grandmother when looking at the moon.....promise each other to look at the moon every night at a fixed time and silently to exchange loving thoughts. then despite distance, you're still united...
Why mustard seeds? It would seem to me this could alter the agriculture of the camino, and you might consider this aspect.I carried a small container (very small) containing mustard seeds...that I sprinkled along the Way
Just read this again. My mother (90) says that she doesn't worry. Having said that I do about her while away. I telephone every few days, not so frequently that she realises why. I interlace this with calls to my daughter who acts as a spy for me.In my case, it's my elderly mother who frets when I'm away rather than my husband (he says he's used to it!). A month seems to be OK but she finds six to eight weeks an awfully long time. It's the price we pay for loving and being loved and how fortunate we are to be in that position.
The Parable of the Mustard Seed.*h He proposed another parable to them. “The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed that a person took and sowed in a field.*i It is the smallest of all the seeds, yet when full-grown it is the largest of plants. It becomes a large bush, and the ‘birds of the sky come and dwell in its branches.’”Why mustard seeds? It would seem to me this could alter the agriculture of the camino, and you might consider this aspect.
thanks for explaining!The Parable of the Mustard Seed.*h He proposed another parable to them. “The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed that a person took and sowed in a field.*i It is the smallest of all the seeds, yet when full-grown it is the largest of plants. It becomes a large bush, and the ‘birds of the sky come and dwell in its branches.’”
Although native to most regions in the world, it is believed that the wild mustard was brought to California by Franciscan Father Serra, planting it as a golden pathway to find his way back home to Spain after his explorations here.
So you see, it was a Spanish Friar that brought the mustard seed to the USA. I am but returning the favor
How would it be changed? Mustard is growing all along the Camino. It's a perfect companion plant for vineyards.Why mustard seeds? It would seem to me this could alter the agriculture of the camino, and you might consider this aspect.
Very thoughtful partner ...This effort should show your love!My beloved is, I realise belatedly, stressed and distressed by my planned pilgrimage. I am taking the Camino Frances in April. We have been together some thirty odd years now and have never been apart for as long as the five weeks or so that it will take me to reach Santiago and Finisterre.
I have and will continue to try to assure her that - I am going because of a deep felt need, will return when I am done and that my love for her has not and will not change.
Yet, I have seen many entries on this forum that suggest that for many this journey leads to profound change; that many are drawn back to the way time after time, that the way becomes a way of life. I think this is my beloved's ultimate fear- that she might lose me to the way.
I realise fully that our own relationship is not a topic for this forum but I would appreciate others experiences of any impacts and effects and guidance on how to offer assurances to "those left behind".
Awesome post ... Such love is reassuring!I realize this is an old thread, but being apart was always going to be an issue for my wife and I.
Originally she planned to come with me, but then decided she was not 'drawn' to the Camino as I was.
We are one of those couples that do everything together. We don't socialize much preferring each others company. You get the picture....
I made sure I had a Spanish SIM card with loads of credit. And we spoke at least once a day. Because of time differences, usually as soon as I woke up. (one reason I used private accommodation). And then again in the evening.
I also kept a detailed daily blog for family and friends. That was fun, as I felt I was sharing my Camino with them.
Being apart was not easy for either of us. I struggled with guilt through much of my Camino, as I felt selfish taking this big chunk of time just for me.....
In the middle of my Camino my father in law underwent open heart surgery. ... so that was a difficult time for both of us. Many times I thought I should quit and go home to be with the family. ...
my wife insisted I stay on my camino and complete it for 'us '...
One of my most profound spiritual moments was when I struggled with the decision to stay.....and asked for guidance. And it came...very clearly!
So in my view it is harder for those we leave behind. After all, we have little to worry about. Get up, eat, walk, do our laundry, eat, sleep. While those we leave behind often have to deal with the stuff that enabled us to go on our camino in the first place.....
I expressed the view here before I left, that walking a Camino is a rather selfish undertaking for those in relationships and with responsibilities.
And I still think it is. But everyday I was walking I gave thanks to those I had left behind. For supporting my dream and for 'holding the fort' whilst I was away.
Oh. The communication my wife and I used was 'line'. Similar to Skype but better quality comms in my view.
We could video chat with out using up much phone credit.
My wife even 'walked' with me on video a couple times as I showed her the views...
Sorry. Bit of a long post
Imelda May has a song "Looking at the same moon". Nice ideaMy children grew up as expat kids. One time, my young daughter was tearful about leaving. My mother told her that all she had to do was look at the moon at night & know that her grandmother would be looking at the same moon & thinking of her. Some 30 years later, my daughter still thinks of her grandmother when looking at the moon.
Suzanne
Welcome to the forum, @Lynne B ! It is interesting to get this different point of view. Maybe my experience will help you see things from another perspective...this trip was planned with very little discussion. I think he just assumed I would be ok with it. Fearing for the worst.
No, everyone does not go through a grand transformation! I didn't, although like any interesting experience in life, it has left a mark on me. A good mark, I think.I suppose I worry about him wanting for more and more or finding someone else with a similar interest. Keep in mind that this trip was not a desire of his until his friends enticed him to go. I also fear the grand transformation everyone seems to go through. I fear we will move in opposite directions.
I suppose I worry about him wanting for more and more or finding someone else with a similar interest. Keep in mind that this trip was not a desire of his until his friends enticed him to go. I also fear the grand transformation everyone seems to go through. I fear we will move in opposite directions.
That is brilliant! Did you make it up?thinking very loud doesn't constitute dialogue
That is brilliant! Did you make it up?
Burky, if you've written any books, I'm buying them! You sir have a way with words!Your concerns hit very close to home. This took me a while to write, because I wanted to get it right and it is by nature very delicate and personal stuff. I'm hesitant to share all the circumstances surrounding the camino I undertook in 2016, because not everything is relevant. But for a clear understanding of the story I am forced to mention some things that may not be altogether very nice or comforting. Plus I won't come out smelling like a rose, but so be it. Here goes.
After my father died in 2013 I was affected, as you would expect. I was at that time 45 and the whole experience exposed (amongst other things) a sudden sense of mortality. I felt an irresistible urge to counter this feeling by undertaking a 'grand adventure' to embrace and celebrate life. Enter the camino. It was a perfect match (for more reasons than the gesture towards death), and I grabbed the idea like the proverbial straw. We have a little joke in Holland, where we call this period in a man's life the penopause. But hey, at least I didn't go for a convertible, dyed my hair or had an extramarital affair. But I digress.
My wife was going through her menopause simultaneously, in a big way. Turbulent times they were. But the camino idea had taken a strong hold of me. I started planning and prepping, and thought I was sharing enough of this process with her. But I'm quite the introvert, and thinking very loud doesn't constitute dialogue. Looking back I'm afraid I was egocentric about the whole thing, and very dogged about having it my way.
As a result I didn't really register my wife's reservations and mild objections about this grand adventure of mine. She rightly felt left out and ignored in this, but I choose not to see or hear it consciously. Amazing how you can somehow deceive and compartmentalize yourself like that when you want something real bad. The camino bug had dug in deep, and I was firmly in its grasp. It was an idea that turned into a desire and evolved into a promise. And bless her, my wife decided to go along with it, out of loyalty and love.
That meant I left home early 2016 for a solo walk that would last almost three months. I had planned a little break of about three days in France, where my wife and son and some good friends of ours would 'intercept' me after roughly six weeks of walking, near Limoges. They would spend a holiday week in a nice cottage there, and I could join them for a couple of days. All very accommodating and thoughtful of me, I reckoned.
But the rubber met the road a lot earlier. In the second week of my absence things started to fall apart. For my wife. She spiraled downwards into a fearsome depression. She later described it as revisiting her puberty: no footholds, an unwilling victim of hormones, adrift and descending into a bottomless dark pit. I learned about this in week three, and didn't really know what to do. I decided to keep walking and keep very close tabs through daily phonecalls.
That was by far the hardest decision I ever took. My reasoning in a nutshell: I felt that returning wouldn't change anything. I couldn't talk her out of a depression, she had to work through that herself and my presence would change nothing. I even convinced myself that by returning I would deny her taking charge and getting out of this herself. Remember not coming out smelling like roses? Not my finest hour. But there was some truth to my feelings too. Aborting the walk might ultimately lead to resentment on my part. I had prepared for almost three years, I thought she knew the deal. And I just couldn't give it up yet. I was working on my own issues and making real progress.
So I kept walking. And because of this decision (whether right or wrong) cracks appeared in our relationship. I saw them up close and personal during the very tense holiday week near Limoges. But somehow we managed to break through some issues on both sides that were vital to the whole picture. We talked almost non-stop for three days, and slowly reached common ground. We still had a lot of honest talking, soul-searching, analysing and regaining trust ahead of us, but I had every faith in a good outcome and fortunately it proved contagious.
It's a bit like rebuilding a house. Cracks in the facade, malfunctioning electricity, leaks in the attic: the best course of action is to tear it all down and rebuild. Our foundation proved strong enough. And the thing about rebuilding is that you know the weak spots and annoyances of the old, and you can avoid them in the new. So you end up with a better house, if you do the work and pay attention.
We decided I could walk on, and slow progress was made during the rest of the camino. Everything between us was still very frail and vulnerable but we both fought for it. In a sense my wife had a camino too: at home, and way harder than mine. The process of getting and staying close to one another continued when I got home, and to be honest it still does. I am now very wary of assumptions, routine and inattention. And I need to remember myself that the key to connecting is to keep talking, something that isn't natural or easy for me. But the rewards are worth it. I honestly think we are better off now than we were before I left.
I'm not too sure this story is of any help to you, but I hope it is. What I do know is that fear is a terrible adviser and worry will get you nowhere. Apart from that I just blunder along and try my best to say what I do and do what I say. And I don't get that right all the time, either.
Thank you so much for your honesty and openness.Your concerns hit very close to home. This took me a while to write, because I wanted to get it right and it is by nature very delicate and personal stuff. I'm hesitant to share all the circumstances surrounding the camino I undertook in 2016, because not everything is relevant. But for a clear understanding of the story I am forced to mention some things that may not be altogether very nice or comforting. Plus I won't come out smelling like a rose, but so be it. Here goes.
After my father died in 2013 I was affected, as you would expect. I was at that time 45 and the whole experience exposed (amongst other things) a sudden sense of mortality. I felt an irresistible urge to counter this feeling by undertaking a 'grand adventure' to embrace and celebrate life. Enter the camino. It was a perfect match (for more reasons than the gesture towards death), and I grabbed the idea like the proverbial straw. We have a little joke in Holland, where we call this period in a man's life the penopause. But hey, at least I didn't go for a convertible, dyed my hair or had an extramarital affair. But I digress.
My wife was going through her menopause simultaneously, in a big way. Turbulent times they were. But the camino idea had taken a strong hold of me. I started planning and prepping, and thought I was sharing enough of this process with her. But I'm quite the introvert, and thinking very loud doesn't constitute dialogue. Looking back I'm afraid I was egocentric about the whole thing, and very dogged about having it my way.
As a result I didn't really register my wife's reservations and mild objections about this grand adventure of mine. She rightly felt left out and ignored in this, but I choose not to see or hear it consciously. Amazing how you can somehow deceive and compartmentalize yourself like that when you want something real bad. The camino bug had dug in deep, and I was firmly in its grasp. It was an idea that turned into a desire and evolved into a promise. And bless her, my wife decided to go along with it, out of loyalty and love.
That meant I left home early 2016 for a solo walk that would last almost three months. I had planned a little break of about three days in France, where my wife and son and some good friends of ours would 'intercept' me after roughly six weeks of walking, near Limoges. They would spend a holiday week in a nice cottage there, and I could join them for a couple of days. All very accommodating and thoughtful of me, I reckoned.
But the rubber met the road a lot earlier. In the second week of my absence things started to fall apart. For my wife. She spiraled downwards into a fearsome depression. She later described it as revisiting her puberty: no footholds, an unwilling victim of hormones, adrift and descending into a bottomless dark pit. I learned about this in week three, and didn't really know what to do. I decided to keep walking and keep very close tabs through daily phonecalls.
That was by far the hardest decision I ever took. My reasoning in a nutshell: I felt that returning wouldn't change anything. I couldn't talk her out of a depression, she had to work through that herself and my presence would change nothing. I even convinced myself that by returning I would deny her taking charge and getting out of this herself. Remember not coming out smelling like roses? Not my finest hour. But there was some truth to my feelings too. Aborting the walk might ultimately lead to resentment on my part. I had prepared for almost three years, I thought she knew the deal. And I just couldn't give it up yet. I was working on my own issues and making real progress.
So I kept walking. And because of this decision (whether right or wrong) cracks appeared in our relationship. I saw them up close and personal during the very tense holiday week near Limoges. But somehow we managed to break through some issues on both sides that were vital to the whole picture. We talked almost non-stop for three days, and slowly reached common ground. We still had a lot of honest talking, soul-searching, analysing and regaining trust ahead of us, but I had every faith in a good outcome and fortunately it proved contagious.
It's a bit like rebuilding a house. Cracks in the facade, malfunctioning electricity, leaks in the attic: the best course of action is to tear it all down and rebuild. Our foundation proved strong enough. And the thing about rebuilding is that you know the weak spots and annoyances of the old, and you can avoid them in the new. So you end up with a better house, if you do the work and pay attention.
We decided I could walk on, and slow progress was made during the rest of the camino. Everything between us was still very frail and vulnerable but we both fought for it. In a sense my wife had a camino too: at home, and way harder than mine. The process of getting and staying close to one another continued when I got home, and to be honest it still does. I am now very wary of assumptions, routine and inattention. And I need to remember myself that the key to connecting is to keep talking, something that isn't natural or easy for me. But the rewards are worth it. I honestly think we are better off now than we were before I left.
I'm not too sure this story is of any help to you, but I hope it is. What I do know is that fear is a terrible adviser and worry will get you nowhere. Apart from that I just blunder along and try my best to say what I do and do what I say. And I don't get that right all the time, either.
@Tomas Joven
one or the other...
We dont or we want...
A far by distance but kept in thy heart!
Like a needle dropped deep down in the haystack!
...if that is me, it's absolutely fine, my man!The far mountain
In my minds eye
Wakes now my heart
Though I'm by her side.
My beloved is, I realise belatedly, stressed and distressed by my planned pilgrimage. I am taking the Camino Frances in April. We have been together some thirty odd years now and have never been apart for as long as the five weeks or so that it will take me to reach Santiago and Finisterre.
I have and will continue to try to assure her that - I am going because of a deep felt need, will return when I am done and that my love for her has not and will not change.
Yet, I have seen many entries on this forum that suggest that for many this journey leads to profound change; that many are drawn back to the way time after time, that the way becomes a way of life. I think this is my beloved's ultimate fear- that she might lose me to the way.
I realise fully that our own relationship is not a topic for this forum but I would appreciate others experiences of any impacts and effects and guidance on how to offer assurances to "those left behind".
For those of you late to this thread, @Tincatinker wrote the first post many years ago (look at the date) and has been on multiple caminos since. His beloved, I understand, survived and has since been on a few of her own caminos.
Of course.Yes! Quite agree @mvanert - we all do. It is good to see it getting a run again. But just saying, so people do not have a current concern for @Tincatinker 's spouse.
I would like to suggest that the 'profound change' will be positive for your relationship with your beloved. The things that we learn and practice regarding true love get continued at home. This is based upon conversations with 'left behind' wives, including my own.I have and will continue to try to assure her that - I am going because of a deep felt need, will return when I am done and that my love for her has not and will not change.
Yet, I have seen many entries on this forum that suggest that for many this journey leads to profound change; that many are drawn back to the way time after time, that the way becomes a way of life. I think this is my beloved's ultimate fear- that she might lose me to the way.
.
My beloved is, I realise belatedly, stressed and distressed by my planned pilgrimage. I am taking the Camino Frances in April. We have been together some thirty odd years now and have never been apart for as long as the five weeks or so that it will take me to reach Santiago and Finisterre.
I have and will continue to try to assure her that - I am going because of a deep felt need, will return when I am done and that my love for her has not and will not change.
Yet, I have seen many entries on this forum that suggest that for many this journey leads to profound change; that many are drawn back to the way time after time, that the way becomes a way of life. I think this is my beloved's ultimate fear- that she might lose me to the way.
I realise fully that our own relationship is not a topic for this forum but I would appreciate others experiences of any impacts and effects and guidance on how to offer assurances to "those left behind".
I leave behind the mortal remains of my husband of forty years. I started on the anniversary of his death 11th March. I carry him inside me, I see him at the turn in the road up ahead, waiting for me. I see him with no pain, or the terrible illness that robbed him of his quality of life. I see and I feel the he, that is him. And each day I find hope and peace and joy. Your loved one will be right there beside you, if that is where she chooses to be, she will not lose you, nor you her, you will find each other.My beloved is, I realise belatedly, stressed and distressed by my planned pilgrimage. I am taking the Camino Frances in April. We have been together some thirty odd years now and have never been apart for as long as the five weeks or so that it will take me to reach Santiago and Finisterre.
I have and will continue to try to assure her that - I am going because of a deep felt need, will return when I am done and that my love for her has not and will not change.
Yet, I have seen many entries on this forum that suggest that for many this journey leads to profound change; that many are drawn back to the way time after time, that the way becomes a way of life. I think this is my beloved's ultimate fear- that she might lose me to the way.
I realise fully that our own relationship is not a topic for this forum but I would appreciate others experiences of any impacts and effects and guidance on how to offer assurances to "those left behind".
My partner has been planning to walk the camino for 18 months and leaves in a few weeks time.
Originally I supported him as I love him and want him to live a fulfilled life.
However as the time comes closer, I am starting to think it is the most self-indulgent and selfish thing he has ever done in our long marriage. I could not take 2 months off work, and even if I could I would not be able to walk that far. So I will be staying at home, working and taking on additional responsibilities, loneliness and celibacy - for none of the 'adventure' or journey of the camino.
My husband is aware that I am feeling this way and has offered to stay at home, but that would not help as he would end up being resentful which would also affect our relationship.
I am not posting this for an anlysis of my marriage (we are both aware of the motivations for him doing it) - rather I just wanted to point out that even if your partner initially supports the idea, it may not turn out that way.
My beloved is, I realise belatedly, stressed and distressed by my planned pilgrimage. I am taking the Camino Frances in April. We have been together some thirty odd years now and have never been apart for as long as the five weeks or so that it will take me to reach Santiago and Finisterre.
I have and will continue to try to assure her that - I am going because of a deep felt need, will return when I am done and that my love for her has not and will not change.
Yet, I have seen many entries on this forum that suggest that for many this journey leads to profound change; that many are drawn back to the way time after time, that the way becomes a way of life. I think this is my beloved's ultimate fear- that she might lose me to the way.
I realise fully that our own relationship is not a topic for this forum but I would appreciate others experiences of any impacts and effects and guidance on how to offer assurances to "those left behind".
Has he gone yet?This is exactly how I feel about my husband going on the Camino without me. I actually have no desire to do this sort of thing but am very upset about him leaving for 5 weeks. He rarely travelled with me and our kids when they were young and always did his own thing and I was happy for him. Now he wants to take off with his friends to Spain. I’m feeling a bit betrayed because this trip was planned with very little discussion. I think he just assumed I would be ok with it. Fearing for the worst.
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