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Let it go, but don't let it poison your future plans to walk the Camino.
Since 2010 I have made many long term, very enduring friendships with members of this forum and former members of this forum. Some stay in touch on a regular basis, some just check in once and while when they feel like talking, they have become FB friends and email friends after leaving the forum.
Bear in mind, men will be men, even on the Camino.....
Talk for yourself please and not in general .Bear in mind, men will be men, even on the Camino.....
I have seen that appartion waiting for a bus in front of Sybille's several times.Today I learned I might be a ghost.
I am so sorry this has happened and for what you are going through now. Abandonment is a very hard emotion to deal with. The following poem has helped me a lot to get over things that was very hurtful and difficult to deal with .
" LET IT GO
When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is
never tied to anybody that left. People leave you because they are not
joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them
stay. Let them go. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it
just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know
when people's part in YOUR story is over so that you don't keep trying
to live in the past. You've got to know when the past is the past. I've
got the gift of good-bye. I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm
hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me
to have he'll give it to me. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go.
If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was
never intended for your life, then you need to...... Let it go.
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ..... Let it go. If someone can't treat
you right, love you back, and see your worth..... Let them go.
If you're feeling depressed and stressed ........ Let it go. Let the past be the past. "
I only first heard the term 'ghosted' on this thread. Another new one (for me anyway), is 'walking the camino organically'. Never heard that expression until walking with a camino buddy. When I asked what it meant she said it means to wander along and stop at night wherever you feel like it. I've always called that 'winging it'.Being ghosted is such a 21st century term. Whatever did we do in the old days. I miss them for sure. Great comments fellow camino travelers
The truth is that every relationship of every sort is limited in time and scope. The time and the scope are beyond our control. Every relationship is about letting go and saying goodbye. This difficult lesson is part, I believe, of why we are sent to this planet for this very short period. Let this man go wherever his path leads him. Be grateful for what he taught you, which is never lost. He obviously brought out from you something within you that needed to be discovered. You move forward with some new knowledge about yourself, which is a blessing. Now is the time to discover that what he gave you is now yours to give yourself. Buen Camino beautiful person!
Today I learned I might be a ghost.
The truth is that every relationship of every sort is limited in time and scope. The time and the scope are beyond our control. Every relationship is about letting go and saying goodbye. This difficult lesson is part, I believe, of why we are sent to this planet for this very short period. Let this man go wherever his path leads him. Be grateful for what he taught you, which is never lost. He obviously brought out from you something within you that needed to be discovered. You move forward with some new knowledge about yourself, which is a blessing. Now is the time to discover that what he gave you is now yours to give yourself. Buen Camino beautiful person!
Talk for yourself please and not in general .
What a short sighted generalisation.
People are people and they do stuff.
Very well said. Thinking about my encounter with the two Italians on my camino to Finisterre/Muxía it really hits the nail on the head.
The longer I am back home the more I regret, that I did not spend more time with them and probably offended them by rejecting their suggestions to walk to the lighthouse together or to share our lunch. Reflecting our conversations I think a mutual friendship or even more could have developed. But when still on the camino I did not want to rush in and wanted things to develop more slowly. And finally we agreed on spending the remaining time on the Airport together, but we missed each other after they went to their check-in.
So there is no chance to catch up where we stopped as I do not even know their name nor their adress. The only hope that remains ist that there might be another camino.
BC
Alexandra
t2andreo thank you. I always enjoy the wisdom in the responses you share. Not only in this thread but several others as well!Brianne, in the good old days, i recall that we just called it "...being rude..."
As a younger man, many, many years ago, trying to gain traction in the dating game, I became an expert at "being ghosted."
Life teaches so many lessons. Among the MOST important is the skill to assess any situation and rapidly determine what is truly important, and what is not. Being ghosted is not among life's most critical issues.
I am so sorry this has happened and for what you are going through now. Abandonment is a very hard emotion to deal with. The following poem has helped me a lot to get over things that was very hurtful and difficult to deal with .
" LET IT GO
When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is
never tied to anybody that left. People leave you because they are not
joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them
stay. Let them go. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it
just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know
when people's part in YOUR story is over so that you don't keep trying
to live in the past. You've got to know when the past is the past. I've
got the gift of good-bye. I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm
hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me
to have he'll give it to me. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go.
If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was
never intended for your life, then you need to...... Let it go.
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ..... Let it go. If someone can't treat
you right, love you back, and see your worth..... Let them go.
If you're feeling depressed and stressed ........ Let it go. Let the past be the past. "
Yes, Tom is awesome and so very well rounded, thoughtful, and helpful!t2andreo thank you. I always enjoy the wisdom in the responses you share. Not only in this thread but several others as well!
It is hard when you have this kind of experience Then to move forward after you let him into your world It appears he choose for some reason to back away from what you said .. I would not jump to conclusions as This kind of thing can happen and often does for many reasons It is not the caminos fault .. nor yours You don't know what is happening in his life and he maybe having issues he may have things he had planed todo and a relationship for him worries him at this time .. He may like you more than you think and is having issues with that there are a lot of reasons for this .. if you care about him give him some time and space .. and be cool if it is meant to be it will work out if not well that will be okay in time too .. dont push and dont rush him just let him think about what he wants I hope that helpsHi All,
This is the first time I write on a forum and I am a bit nervous. I walked the last part of the Camino Frances in September and spent most of the time with a fellow pilgrim from the other side of the world. By the end of it we felt as if something romantic had developed between us, however we were unsure whether this was mostly due to how emotional the Camino had made us. To me, he was most importantly a friend and someone I was counting to be in touch with once we would be back to our routine. I really treated him like a close friend and I hope I proved to be the same to him as the things we talked about were extremely personal. He was then going on to do more travelling and because of that during our first online interactions I thought I would not start huge conversations and did not tell him how hard it was for me to be back to my "old life". It has now been over a month he has literally disappeared online. It looks like his family is ok, so I am thinking he purposely wanted to cut bridges. He had a very difficult year before doing the Camino and I wonder if he then felt he needed to get rid of whatever reminded him of it, including me because we talked a lot about it his misfortunes. I feel really stupid, confused. I don't make friends easily and at the moment I feel so disposable. I would love to do the Camino again in the future, but I couldn't bear to go through something like that again.
I was wondering if something similar has happened to you too.
Thanks a lot,
U
The term is new to me too, I’ve been ghosting people I meet while I travel though for decades. It’s just someone you have things in common with when travelling, are not necessarily people you have in common with in “ real life”Being ghosted is such a 21st century term. Whatever did we do in the old days. I miss them for sure. Great comments fellow camino travelers
If we are correct in our assessment that the Camino, writ large, is a metaphor for life, then one might expect that the same sort of human interactions will occur. While in a microcosm of time and space, everything that happens in the 'real world' also happens on Camino.
I have heard it said that "what happens on Camino...stays on Camino..." Personally I think this is an oversimplification. But the essential thought is correct, IMHO.
When people are away from home, out of their conventional paradigm, and what passes for their normal lives, many behave differently. Good and bad, for better or worse, one finds the entire spectrum of behaviors on Camino.
I have been ghosted many times. It does not bother me and I do not take it personally, I accept that some folks are just not comfortable of my overly helpful and open nature. It is just who I am. At home, I live a quiet and circumscribed life, with nil family and few friends. This is partly due to the strictures of my professional career, from which I am now retired. But, the reasons do not matter. I view it as a sort of soft disability. I fight it and work in an opposite manner when I am on Camino or in Spain. The Camino, in this regard, becomes my therapy. I work very hard at it. I try to do whatever I can to help as many pilgrims as I can. it is simply what I do, and what I have become in my retirement.
I have given contact information many times, but rarely establish contact. On the other hand, and as BiarritzDon states above, I have made many enduring friendships here on the Forum and while serving as a volunteer. It is those shared experiences that establish the bond. In fact, I have more Camino-related friends than I have total family members and friends at home.
In my observation and experience a pilgrim needs to develop the openness to reach out, and the discretion to retract that outreach at times. This is something we learn in our normal lives, but frequently forget to pack for our pilgrimage. It is no different than life at home. Sometimes the seed sprouts and sometimes it does not...
Another way of stating it is "...don't leave your 'street-smarts' or sixth-sense at home when going on Camino..." Although the stimuli and external conditions may differ greatly from your home paradigm, people remain people. Some behave better on Camino, some worse.
The first rule is to be true to yourself. Take care of yourself and you will be able to help others. Secondly, please know that, we in the Forum are an extension of your Camino. We seek to help, nurture, support, assist and advise. For many of us, the Forum is a second family.
Welcome to the family...
Two parts of the four agreements,are:1 don't take anything personal and:2 don't make assumptions. Often what we think is all about us,actually has nothing to do with us. Often it is our ego that thinks the world revolves around us. Your friend might have a multitude of reasons for not answering. Years ago,I was writing a woman and did not for some time,and she became angry with me for not writing.Actually my house had burned down and I had no way of contacting her,until she wrote me. See where assumptions can lead us.Hi All,
This is the first time I write on a forum and I am a bit nervous. I walked the last part of the Camino Frances in September and spent most of the time with a fellow pilgrim from the other side of the world. By the end of it we felt as if something romantic had developed between us, however we were unsure whether this was mostly due to how emotional the Camino had made us. To me, he was most importantly a friend and someone I was counting to be in touch with once we would be back to our routine. I really treated him like a close friend and I hope I proved to be the same to him as the things we talked about were extremely personal. He was then going on to do more travelling and because of that during our first online interactions I thought I would not start huge conversations and did not tell him how hard it was for me to be back to my "old life". It has now been over a month he has literally disappeared online. It looks like his family is ok, so I am thinking he purposely wanted to cut bridges. He had a very difficult year before doing the Camino and I wonder if he then felt he needed to get rid of whatever reminded him of it, including me because we talked a lot about it his misfortunes. I feel really stupid, confused. I don't make friends easily and at the moment I feel so disposable. I would love to do the Camino again in the future, but I couldn't bear to go through something like that again.
I was wondering if something similar has happened to you too.
Thanks a lot,
U
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