loosing my confidence

[aussie62]

I am doing my first Camino in 12th April starting from Pamplona. I am walking about 20 km a day and plan to walk for only 2 weeks due to work commitments . I will be alone and whilst I have done some training I am worried that I will arrive and not have to courage to walk out alone . I have always been a very confident person however I live with trauma as 2 of my sons have died ( 17 and 19 ) in the last 6 years and I am scared that I will get there and sit under a tree and think "what have I done ?"Any ideas ?

 

[Deleted member 36903]

aussie62, I am sorry for the loss of your sons.
You will never need to be alone on the Camino Frances unless you choose to be. If you need reassurance about making initial contact with people I suggest stating overnight in an albergue in Pamplona so that you will start walking the next day alongside people you have already met. If you feel unsure as to whether they welcome company, just ask, and don't be offended if some have already made a decision to walk alone , others will be happy for you to join them. I am not very good at inserting links to other threads on the forum, but I believe there is one where pilgrims starting around your date have 'signed in' so to speak, to alert others who might want to meet up. you will be fine. The pre-camino anxiety is a natural part of making the journey. You will not walk out alone unless you choose to do so. Other members of the forum will point you in the direction of the best albergues for meeting up with other pilgrims. Buen Camino!

 

[Coleen Clark]

I am doing my first Camino in 12th April starting from Pamplona. I am walking about 20 km a day and plan to walk for only 2 weeks due to work commitments . I will be alone and whilst I have done some training I am worried that I will arrive and not have to courage to walk out alone . I have always been a very confident person however I live with trauma as 2 of my sons have died ( 17 and 19 ) in the last 6 years and I am scared that I will get there and sit under a tree and think "what have I done ?"Any ideas ?

There is nothing wrong with sitting under a tree to think. You may do that several times. I have.
Just sit there until the call of nature comes and you need to find a bathroom. Or until you get so hungry that you will eat the first bocadilla you find. Or you see someone in need of assistance and you are the only one available. Something will move you eventually, and you will walk to the next bar or albergue to get it.
Then, you may find another tree. Sit! Sit as long as you like! If you only make 5 kilometers a day between trees then that's what you do.
The big idea here is to get out and think and allow your heart to heal. If walking helps that, then walk.
If sitting under a tree helps that, then sit. But get out there and do it.
You are not walking for your boys. You are walking in their honor, but in YOUR grief, so you are walking for you. Been there. Done that. Came out the other side stronger.
You can too. I know you can. Alone or with others, crying or laughing or in awe of some miracle of nature you see, you will do your own personal Camino.
Trust.
Walk.

 

[Kanga]

@aussie62, staying in an albergue in Pamplona is a good idea, so that you have some people to walk with out of the city. Here is a page with links to the albergues and some hostels - I have had good reports from all of the first three albergues :
https://www.gronze.com/navarra/pamplona

 

[Introibo]

Hi Aussie62 I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your two sons.
As SEB has said you'll never be alone on the Camino. I've just started to write up my Camino from two years ago.
My opening words are "I was walking on my own and I was nervous". That lasted all of 30 minutes before someone
kindly showed me back to the way markers. Even when you appear to be on your own you're not.
Like you I started in Pamplona. The Jesus y Maria is a great albergue located right on the Camino way and next to the
large cathedral. It's big enough so that you wont feel the centre of attention but you'll have plenty of people to talk to.
( hope that makes sense )
Within a couple of hours of leaving Pamplona you'll find yourself by the iconic figures on the Alto de Pedron. It was amazing.
30 years of dithering and now I was actually on my way. Don't wait 30 years like I did !

Buen Camino

 

[tillyjones]

I don't want to undermine your worries or your trauma, but, really, there is nothing simpler than just walking, so there is nothing to worry about. That's the beauty of it. Everything else is stripped away so all there is to do is walk. One foot in front of the other, for as many times as you fancy.

 

[Chacharm]

Oh - great answers!
Once you're there this anxiety will melt away, honestly. Someone will invite you to sit by them at lunch or dinner or for coffee. Or you'll just find that you and another pilgrim have the same pace or leave at the same time every day. It might not happen day 1 (then again it might) but it will happen. You'll ask someone what the next best albuergue is and they don't know either so you'll stick together to find out, then end up bunking beside each other. You'll offer to share a wash with your bunkmate and then they'll come visit you at home a year later (just had my visit ).
Push yourself out the door in Pamplona that first day so you can see what I mean. The first km the first day is often the hardest. Tell yourself what you would have told your sons when they were little and going off to camp. You'll make friends and have fun!

 

[piggyhinton]

I am doing my first Camino in 12th April starting from Pamplona. I am walking about 20 km a day and plan to walk for only 2 weeks due to work commitments . I will be alone and whilst I have done some training I am worried that I will arrive and not have to courage to walk out alone . I have always been a very confident person however I live with trauma as 2 of my sons have died ( 17 and 19 ) in the last 6 years and I am scared that I will get there and sit under a tree and think "what have I done ?"Any ideas ?

What I suspect will happen is that you will be sitting under your tree and another Pilgrim will pass you and you will start chatting and you will get up and carry on, chatting away with your new found friend and trust me, you will not be alone if you do not want to, that is one of the joys of the Camino you'll always have someone to lean on Your terrible loss of your sons must be a pain that no parent should have to endure, you have my deepest sympathy. Buen Camino

 

[Kent Davis]

I am terribly sorry for your losses. The walk will help you greatly and 20k is a very reasonable goal. You may find two weeks is not enough for what you are coping with; you should just walk until you are in a better place; maybe set aside the work commitments for a bit longer.

 

[VNwalking]

The Camino has held a lot of grief and it can hold yours too.
@Coleen Clark said it beautifully. Go. Walk. Sit. Grieve. Remember how to notice beauty. There is no wrong way to walk, and can go whatever pace you want, with whomever you want.
You will not be alone, but you can walk alone if you choose. Guaranteed you will hear stories that open a window onto the invisible burdens that others also carry--and this will help you carry on. The brotherhood of the road goes very deep--as does the journey.
Buen Camino and ultreia!

 

[notion900]

@aussie62 you've already done the courageous thing by reaching out to this forum. The replies above are very beautiful and I can't add any further sentiments to their lovely words - only practicalities.

Be aware that 12 April is bang in the middle of Holy Week and it could be crowded and a bit crazy when you arrive on 11th - can anyone describe how big a thing Semana Santa is in Pamplona? Don't be surprised to come across floats with statues on them, and marching bands.

I find not being able to imagine things makes me more nervous - if you 'see' it beforehand, when you arrive there, it's already familiar. So you could have a wander about Pamplona using Google Maps Street View. Look who I just spotted when I dropped the yellow man completely at random:

You can also find some videos of Semana Santa in Pamplona on YouTube.

As @Introibo says, your nervousness is likely to last all of 30 minutes once you are actually on your way. Once you are in the channel, the camino current will bear you along.
Love and best wishes.

 

[Robo]

So sorry to hear of your Loss.

As others have said, don't set yourself any expectations. Just go. The Camino has a wonderful healing effect and you will meet some of the nicest / kindest people along the way. There are some great trees to sit under...

 

[JulieandPeter]

The only thing I would add to all of the wonderful posts in this thread (because I am a worrywart), is that you might feel a little intimidated by how large and busy Pamplona is. It is a beautiful and safe city, but since you are already feeling worried, I think it is important to keep in mind when you arrive the advice shared by Notion900 above. And remember just a few miles outside of the city (which is a nice walk) , you will be on a quiet path through some of the most beautiful countryside in the world. This photo was taken about an hour (3 miles for us) beyond the city limits in April 2015, and it is only a hint of what was to come. . . . You will not be alone. <3

 

[Robo]

I am worried that I will arrive and not have to courage to walk out alone .

I'm reminded of a wonderful scene in 'that' Movie. I watched it again last night for about the 12th time.....

As Martin Sheen steps out of the Albergue/Hostal in St Jean, he basically just joins the 'crowd' heading out to the Camino. Wherever you are staying, just 'follow' the other Pilgrims. Before long you will be enjoying the scenery, the fresh air, and chatting with others along the way......

Though there is a bit of road walking to get out of Pamplona first. But once you see the wind turbines up on the Hill you'll be out in the countryside and gradually heading up the hill to walk beneath them and look back over the distance you have just walked. A really cool feeling of accomplishment.

 

[RobertS26]

Headed West

• RobertS26
• May 6, 2014

Here is a typical scene from the Camino. You are alone in the sense that you can walk literally by yourself, but you are not alone in the sense that there is literally people every where.

 

[piggyhinton]

@aussie62 you've already done the courageous thing by reaching out to this forum. The replies above are very beautiful and I can't add any further sentiments to their lovely words - only practicalities.

Be aware that 12 April is bang in the middle of Holy Week and it could be crowded and a bit crazy when you arrive on 11th - can anyone describe how big a thing Semana Santa is in Pamplona? Don't be surprised to come across floats with statues on them, and marching bands.

I find not being able to imagine things makes me more nervous - if you 'see' it beforehand, when you arrive there, it's already familiar. So you could have a wander about Pamplona using Google Maps Street View. Look who I just spotted when I dropped the yellow man completely at random:
View attachment 32821
You can also find some videos of Semana Santa in Pamplona on YouTube.

As @Introibo says, your nervousness is likely to last all of 30 minutes once you are actually on your way. Once you are in the channel, the camino current will bear you along.
Love and best wishes.

good idea about Google maps notion 900 - or just see the film "The Way" obviously a bit romanticised but gives you a taste the whole experience

 

[piggyhinton]

I'm reminded of a wonderful scene in 'that' Movie. I watched it again last night for about the 12th time.....

As Martin Sheen steps out of the Albergue/Hostal in St Jean, he basically just joins the 'crowd' heading out to the Camino. Wherever you are staying, just 'follow' the other Pilgrims. Before long you will be enjoying the scenery, the fresh air, and chatting with others along the way......

Though there is a bit of road walking to get out of Pamplona first. But once you see the wind turbines up on the Hill you'll be out in the countryside and gradually heading up the hill to walk beneath them and look back over the distance you have just walked. A really cool feeling of accomplishment.

I love "The Way", best film ever, touching but very funny in places, I think you have to watch it many times as there are a number of bits that you see that you missed the first time around, (personaly I love the part where he gets buns thrown at him for being an American) but the whole film gives you an insight to the Camino

 

[Coleen Clark]

I love "The Way", best film ever, touching but very funny in places, I think you have to watch it many times as there are a number of bits that you see that you missed the first time around, (personaly I love the part where he gets buns thrown at him for being an American) but the whole film gives you an insight to the Camino

My favorite part is the gypsy bonfire party, which I was looking forward to on MY Camino, but of course never happened. During that scene, the gypsy boy is looking down on his dad, who is deep in conversation with Martin Sheen, and you wonder if his son is also looking down on him at the same time.
BTW, Sheen and Estevez wrote that to play like the Wizard of Oz. In an interview, Estevez is taunting his dad, saying "Yeah, and you play Dorothy." to which Sheen replied "Then you must be Toto".
Now you have to watch it again.

 

[Robo]

I love "The Way", best film ever, touching but very funny in places, I think you have to watch it many times as there are a number of bits that you see that you missed the first time around, (personaly I love the part where he gets buns thrown at him for being an American) but the whole film gives you an insight to the Camino

I have to agree. My favourite film. I know a lot of people criticise it because it's a 'romanticised' version of the Camino, and things are shot out of sequence or whatever. But I love it. I often listened to the sound track walking my first Camino It was magical.

And to those who sneer and say it was merely a Hollywood 'fantasy' view of the Camino, I have to say......My first Camino was very like the movie, in every sense. The transformational aspects, the deeply spirtual moments, the soul searching, those almost 'speed dating' like conversations where we might share our life stories, the relationships, the characters you meet along the way, the fun. So in that regard, I think the movie, whilst it is 'fiction' actually gives a really good insight into what walking the Camino can be like.

And I relate to the character Joost very well. I ate my way across Spain

There are so many great scenes in it.........